04x04 - Martha Plays Favorites/Martha and the Doggie Lover

[bunniefuu]

a was♪

♪ She went... and... and... ♪
(barking, growls)

♪ When she ate
some alphabet soup ♪

♪ Then what happened
was bizarre... ♪

On the way to Martha's stomach,
the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain,
and now...

♪ She's got a lot to say ♪

♪ Now she speaks... ♪

How now, brown cow?

♪ Martha speaks ♪

♪ Yeah, she speaks
and speaks and speaks ♪

♪ And speaks and speaks... ♪

What's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

♪ Martha speaks... ♪

Hey, Joe, what do you know?

My name's not Joe.

♪ She's not always right, but
still that Martha speaks... ♪

Hi, there.

♪ She's got the voice,
she's ready to shout ♪

♪ Martha will tell you
what it's all about ♪

♪ Sometimes wrong,
but seldom in doubt ♪

♪ Martha will tell you
what it's all about ♪

♪ That dog's unique... ♪

Testing, one, two.

♪ Hear her speak ♪

♪ Martha speaks and speaks
and speaks and speaks and... ♪

♪ Communicates, enumerates,
elucidates, exaggerates ♪

♪ Indicates and explicates ♪

♪ Bloviates and overstates
and... ♪

(panting)

♪ Hyperventilates! ♪

♪ Martha-- to reiterate--
Martha speaks. ♪

Hi, welcome to the show.

Martha!

You've been replaced.

Replaced?

We wanted to include
you in the show,

but it looks
like we can't.

How can you exclude me?

The name of the show
is Martha Speaks.

Now, don't
get sensitive.

I'm not sensitive, it's
just that I took a bath!

Wait a minute,

you're just using today's
vocabulary, right?

Bingo.

Listen for words like
"include" and "exclude,"

"aggressive"
and "aggravated,"

and we'll see you at
the end of the show.

(toy squeaks)

(giggles)

(toy squeaks, Jake giggles)

(Skits whimpers)

Go ahead, Jake,
give it a try.

Is your name Jake?

(barks)

I am not excluding you.

You just have to wait your turn.

Go ahead, Jake.

(toy squeaks, Jake giggles)

MARTHA:
Oh, hey, Truman.

Um, hi.

Helen's not here.

She's at the library with TD.

Well, actually, I was hoping
I could talk to you.

Sure, sh**t.

(giggles)

Alone.

Okay.

Skits, don't hog
that squeaky.

Sorry about that.

It's just...

I'm having a problem
with babies these days.

Really? Why?

Babies are fun.

They laugh at everything, and
they're always covered in food.

I love 'em.

(sighing):
You and everybody else.

How's a regular kid supposed
to compete with a baby?

Huh?

Uh...

Well, I'll tell you how.

They can't.

No one can!

Babies are cute and cuddly.

They have horrible
sentence structure.

(baby talk):
"Me tired."

"Me want food."

They talk like tiny cavemen,

but everybody thinks
it's so cute.

Aw, Truman...

I have great sentence structure
and no cuddly factor.

I don't stand a chance.

Maybe you should
stay away from home

when your mom's
daycare is open.

Are you kidding?

She has daycare every day.

Those babies are always around.

I'd never go home.

Of course, it's not like my mom
would notice.

(gasps)

That's not true.

Is so.

She doesn't think
I'm special anymore.

I've been replaced by
a bunch of yowling babies.

Wow, you are really
touchy about babies.

What happened?

I got a star today
on my macaroni bean map.

Congratulations!

But my Mom couldn't care less.

Every time I tried to tell
her about it...

Hey, Mom,
guess what?

What?

(sighs)

Just a minute,
Truman.

TRUMAN:
...some baby got in the way.

Okay, what were
you saying?

(baby starts wailing)

Uh-oh, just a minute.

What were you saying?

(phone rings, babies cry)

Oh dear.

(babies crying)

It's like that all the time.

It's like I'm not even there.

She doesn't even notice me.

Of course she
notices you.

She loves you.

Babies need a lot of attention,
but you're her favorite.

Eh.

Believe it or not,
I know just how you feel.

You mean you're
jealous of baby Jake?

No.

Baby Skits.

I remember it like it
was yesterday.

(barks)

At first, I liked
having Skits around.

Puppies really keep you
on your toes.

And they have that
great-smelling puppy breath.

But soon, I started
to notice something.

HELEN:
Aw, isn't that
the cutest thing?

Have you ever seen
anything so cuddly?

Martha!

Careful.

I wasn't the favorite anymore.

I'd gone from being
top dog to being...

Chopped liver?

Chopped liver?!
Where?

It's an expression.

When you say you're
chopped liver,

it means people treat you like
you're nothing special.

Oh. I wish it meant
there was chopped liver.

Where was I?

You weren't
top dog anymore.

That's right, I wasn't
top dog anymore.

Skits was everybody's
favorite now.

HELEN:
Who's a happy
doggie?

Me!

Oh.

MARTHA:
And, boy, was I touchy
about it.

(giggling)

(Skits barks)

Ooh, you are such
a tough boy.

MARTHA:
No one seemed to notice
me anymore.

(giggling, Skits yipping)

I'd been replaced.

You know what I mean?

Of course.

"Replaced" means something
or someone takes the place

of something else.

Exactly.

Skits had definitely
taken the place of me.

It was awful.

I felt like I was constantly
excluded from things.

HELEN:
Where is that
squeaky?

Give me that
squeaky.

(muffled):
I've got a squeaky!

(both laughing)

(sighs)

Everything Skits did
was so special.

And everything I did
was so boring.

(laughing)

Isn't he cute?

(groans)

Mom! Dad!
Come quick!

MARTHA:
He got stuck
in the bars?

What a doofus.

(whimpers)

Poor little
Skits.

MARTHA:
And then it hit me--

if Helen preferred puppies
to dogs, I'd be a puppy, too.

Martha!

Where is my shoe?

(gasps)

Martha!

Come on, you guys,
time for a...

(gasps)

Martha!

MARTHA:
Only that plan
didn't go over so
well.

What has gotten
into you?

Skits chews stuff
and has accidents

and you don't
yell at him.

He can't help it,
he's a puppy.

I'm a puppy, too.

No, you're not.

You're a grown dog,
and you know better.

Well... I...

Still, it's Skits's fault.

How is it Skits's fault?

Ever since he came here,
you don't notice me anymore.

I do so.

No, you don't.

When you notice something,
it means you see it

or you pay
attention to it.

The only thing you
notice is Skits.

(mimicking Helen):
"Oh, Skits, you're so cute!

You're so cuddly!"

You just ignore me.

If a dog wants any
attention around here,

they have to...
to... do that.

Martha, don't you like Skits?

I thought you wanted
to keep him, too.

That was before I knew
you were going to like him

better than me.

Martha!

HELEN:
She was so touchy.

I've never seen Martha
act like that.

She acts like she's being
replaced or something.

I'm not replacing her,
I just love them both.

Sounds like Martha
está celosa,

she's a little jealous.

Why?

She probably feels
like she's being snubbed.

Snubbed? What do you mean?

When you snub someone,
you leave them out of things

or no les prestas atención--

you just don't pay
attention to them.

But I don't snub Martha.

I include her
in everything
I do with Skits.

Maybe that's
the problem.

She's used to having
you all to herself.

And you do pay an awful lot
of attention to Skits.

He's a puppy.

Puppies need attention.

And they're cute
and cuddly and...

Yeah, I guess I do fuss
over him a lot.

What if I spent some time
with just Martha?

You think that would make
her feel special again?

It couldn't hurt.

(Helen giggles)

Here, Martha-- fetch!

Whoa!

MARTHA:
It was just like the old days.

BOTH:
Here we go 'round the mulberry
bush, the mulberry bush...

MARTHA:
I had Helen all to myself.

I was special again.

But when we got back home...

HELEN:
Last one to the door
is a rotten egg!

Ha ha! b*at you!

MARTHA:
Skits was still there.

Hey, there, Skits!

MARTHA:
And I was still jealous.

Hey, Martha,
I think he missed you.

Martha?

(Skits whines)

MARTHA:
Soon, I started to take it
out on Skits.

(Skits growls
playfully)
Knock it off, will you?

(Skits barks)

(barks)

Get your
own chair.

I snubbed him all the time.

All I could think of was how
excluded I felt.

For the last time, go be cute
and cuddly somewhere else.

I didn't notice what
I was doing to him.

HELEN:
Come on, Skits, eat something.

Please.

Mom, I think
Skits is sick.

Is he still not eating?

Uh-uh.

We'll take him to the vet
first thing tomorrow.

Vet?!

Hey, kid, you got to snap
out of it, you hear?

If you don't, they're going
to take you to the vet.

(whines)

What do you mean "so what?"

She'll give you a sh*t,
that's what.

Hey, what's the matter,
little fella?

(whines)

Do I want you to go away?

Why do you think that?

(whines)

Because I don't play
with you anymore?

You are so touchy.

(howls)

Oh, Skits!

(howls)

I like you.

No, no, no,
really, I do.

I was just a little
jealous of you.

But I won't be
any more, I promise.

Aw, shucks, how could
I not like you?

You're so cute.

You're my favorite puppy ever.

(barks)

I'm glad we've
made up, too.

But I can't wait 'l
you lose the milk teeth.

(barks)

So, you see, Helen
wasn't excluding me.

Puppies and babies
need a lot of attention.

And I was being touchy.

I'm sure to your mom
you're still top dog.

I doubt it.

There you are.

I've been looking
all over for you.

Now, all those
babies are gone

and I can't wait to hear
what my baby did today.

Aw, Mom.

Told you!

Hello!

Today we're going
to talk about the words
"include" and "exclude."

(barks)

When you include
someone or something,

you make them part
of what you're doing.

When you exclude them,
you leave them out.

(barks)

MARTHA:
At a party, you include
your friends.

(doorbell rings)

(gasps)

And exclude party poopers.

Most restaurants exclude dogs.

Most garbage cans don't.

But if you include garbage can
food in your diet,

you may be excluded
from the house.

(Skits barking, Martha laughing)

Aha! Fooled you!

(laughing):
Okay, you got me.

HELEN:
Martha! Skits!
Come on!

(barking eagerly)

Alice and Truman are here.

Lake! Lake!

(barking)

ALICE:
Whoa!

Skits!

Alice, are you okay?

(whimpers)

It's not getting knocked over
I mind, it's the licking.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh, what?

TD's cousin is
coming along to the lake.

He's only four.

I'm wondering if...

ALICE:
A little help? Anybody?

Hmm...

(groans)

(panting)

(whimpering)
HELEN:
Sorry, Skits.

You have to stay here
just for today.

I'll make a special trip
with you tomorrow.

(whimpers)

So you guys are
really okay

with me bringing
my cousin?

Sure.
Uh-huh.

It's okay, TD, really.

Besides, Martha's
excited to meet him.

HELEN:
She likes little kids.

Want to see a trick?

Scratch me right there.

(giggling goofily)

Martha, you want
to meet TD's cousin?

Yeah!

See you later.

Okay, CD, we're going
to the lake now.

CD:
Yeah! Hooray!

Lake! Lake! Lake!

Hi there.

(whimpers with fear)

CD, what's wrong?

I want to stay here.

Huh? But you've been talking
about the lake all morning.

Uh-uh.

Gee. He's never
done that before.

Maybe he's just shy.

We are a lot older
than him.

No, he's not shy.

It's me.

He's scared of me.

How could anyone
be scared of you?

Some kids are
scared of dogs.

I try to tell them that

I'm tame and friendly, but...

It could be
something else, though.

Like what?

Maybe he thought
Martha was a bear.

A bear?

Sure.

A small, spotted,
long-tailed bear.

Huh. I don't think so.

I have an idea.

Watch.

Good-bye, guys!

I'm going home now!

Have fun at the lake without me!

Lake! Lake! Lake!

Okay, then, let's go, I guess.

(kids chatting)

Looks like you were right.

Maybe if I just
talk to CD.

Go ahead, I'll
meet you there.

(kids laughing and chatting)

(grunts)

What's wrong, CD?

(whimpers in fear)

Okay, CD, I know dogs
can be a little scary,

but maybe if we just talk,
we could...

(whimpering)
No!

I'm not aggressive.

Aggressive?

"Aggressive" means you're angry
or you want to fight.

I'm not angry.

I don't want to fight or bite.

I'm tame.

Martha's not
aggressive at all, CD.

She's really gentle.

Promise?

Of course I promise.

I'm not aggressive.

Doggy! Doggy! Doggy!

I love doggies!

Doggy, doggy, doggy,
doggy, doggy!

(gagging and choking)

(Martha gasping and panting)

Boy, that kid's out of control!

(whimpering sadly)

Doggy hates me.

Oh, yeah, thank you.

Well, at least we know
he's not shy.

No, he's not shy at all.

He's a doggy lover.

Well, that's
a good thing, right?

A dog lover?

I didn't say "dog lover."

I said "doggy lover."

What's the dif?

A dog lover is someone
who likes dogs.

A doggy lover is a completely
different thing.

Doggy! Doggy! Doggy!

Doggy!
(dog barks)

Doggy!
(laughing)

Doggy?

(laughing)

Oh, I see.

You mean they're out of control.

Right.

And I can guess why
CD got scared of dogs.

(growling)

(barking angrily)

(growling)

(snarling and barking)

So what do dogs do
about a doggy lover?

Wait for 'em to grow up.

(phone rings)

Hello?

Hey, CD is really sad
about what happened.

He's been in his room crying
ever since he came home.

Maybe Martha could
come over and...

I'm not so sure
that's a good idea.

It's okay.
What?!

I don't want to wait
for him to grow up.

I want to solve this problem
now, and I think I know how.

(crying softly)

(Martha clears her throat)

Hello!

Doggy! Doggy! Doggy!

(hoarsely):
Choking... choking...
choking...

Doggy! Doggy!
Doggy!

Are you sure
about this, Martha?

Well, if people can give
a dog obedience training,

I don't see why a dog
can't tame a person.

Okay, CD, okay, boy.

Want to go outside?

Uh-huh. Doggy!

Doggy! Doggy! Doggy!
Doggy! Doggy!

Come on, boy!

That's it!

Okay, right there
is fine.

Now, first lesson--
petting a dog.

Helen will demonstrate.

Nice doggy, nice doggy.

Notice how gentle she is?

Ahh, that feels good.

I really like you, Helen.

Now it's your turn, CD.

Doggy! Doggy!
Doggy!

Uh-uh-uh...

Not so fast.

We dogs may look
big and strong,

but we can be
as delicate as...

that juicy ripe tomato.

Delicate?

(slurping)

"Delicate" means
something is very easy

to hurt or break.

And being delicate
with something

means you treat it gently
so you don't hurt it.

For example, that tomato
is delicate,

so you need to be careful
with it, or else...

Ew.

Yum!

Now pet the tomato.

That's all right.

We can try again.

Gently,

gently.

Very good, CD!

You're being
very gentle.

Now, come and pet me
just as gently as the...

Doggy! Doggy! Doggy!

(hoarsely):
Choking! Choking!
Choking!

Okay, maybe we should start
at the very beginning.

Thanks, Helen.

Lesson number one:
Approaching a strange dog.

Helen will demonstrate.

Oh, hi there,
dog I've never met before.

Hmm...

(sniffs)

See? She's not grabbing me
or trying to hug me.

She's being careful and
letting me smell her first

so I know she's okay.

(sniffs)

See?

If you aren't careful

and don't let a dog
smell you first,

it can aggravate them.

Aggravate?

"Aggravate" means you make
someone angry or mad.

Like this.

HELEN:
You know,

like you annoy
or irritate them.

And when a dog gets aggravated,
what do they do?

Bite?

That's right.

So never aggravate a dog.

(sniffs)

Oh, you're okay.
I like you.

Please pet me.

So you got that, CD?

Yeah! Sniff first.

That's right.

Now here you go.

Nice and careful.

(sniffs)

Oh, you're okay, CD.

I like you.

Please pet me.

Gently.

Doggy! Doggy! Doggy!

(hoarsely):
Choking! Choking!
Choking!

It's not working.

I'm afraid there's
only one thing to do.

What?

We need to treat CD

like a cat.

You don't mean...?

That's right.

Time for the squirt bottle.

Okay, CD,
here's the deal.

When you pet me gently,

you get a reward.

When you hug me too hard,
you get this.

Got it?

Mm-hmm.

All right,
you can release him.

Doggy! Doggy! Doggy!

Uh-uh-uh!

(sniffs)

Correct!

Now, are you going
to pet me or hug me?

Doggy bath!
Doggy bath! Doggy bath!

(hoarsely):
Drowning! Drowning!

Oh, it's hopeless.

That kid is out of control.

Out of control?

Oh, I don't know about that.

Someone who is out of control

is wild
and won't calm down.

CD is just...

Well, okay, you're right.

He is out of control.

But he doesn't mean to be.

Well, you tried.

I'm not giving up.

I'm going to tame
that out-of-control kid.

Just you watch.

CD (inside):
Doggy! Doggy! Doggy!
I love doggy!

All right, I'm going in there

and before this day is done,
that boy will be tamed.

Now, I want you to promise

that no matter how much I may
scream or yell for help,

you do not open that door.

Okay.

I promise.

MARTHA:
All righty! Open her up.

(takes a deep breath)

Okay, CD, let's continue
with our lessons.

Are you ready?

(softly):
Uh-oh, he must be preparing
for a sneak att*ck.

(louder):
CD?

(Skits barking outside)

CD (outside):
Doggy! Doggy! Doggy!

Oh, no! Skits!

Don't smoosh him!

CD, don't smoosh...!

Huh?

(barking happily)
(giggling)

(laughing)

(laughing)

Well, what do you know?

I think we just found out
what to do with a doggy lover.

Doggy!

(giggling)

Find a doggy who can take it.

(laughs)

Hey, check out this song.

(rock music playing)

RONALD:
♪ When my shirt is kind of itchy
or my nose is feeling twitchy ♪

♪ Or my homework hits a glitchy
I get aggravated. ♪

ALICE:
♪ When my brother's real buggy
or my relatives are huggy ♪

♪ Or the hairbrush is too tuggy
I get aggravated. ♪

♪ Aggravated means you feel
a bit annoyed ♪

♪ Aggravated! ♪

♪ Though you try hard to avoid ♪

♪ Being aggravated,
when you feel a little mad ♪

♪ Count to ten, breathe again ♪

♪ And you'll see
it's not so bad. ♪

♪ Being aggravated,
when you feel a little mad ♪

♪ Count to ten, breathe again ♪

♪ And you'll see
it's not so bad. ♪

Did you catch all
of today's words?

Let's see some again.

When you include someone
or something,

you make them part
of what you're doing.

When you exclude them,
you leave them out.

"Replaced" means

something or someone takes
the place of something else.

"Aggressive" means you're angry
or you want to fight.

"Aggravate" means you make
someone angry or mad.

"Delicate" means something is
very easy to hurt or break.

And being delicate
with something

means you treat it gently.

Bye!

♪ Who's that dog? ♪

♪ Who's
that dog? ♪

♪ Dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. ♪

That dog is Bert.

We're at Children's Hospital
Boston.

He's not a doctor.

Bert is a volunteer with the
volunteer services department,

the Pawprints program.

BOY:
"My name is Bert.

I love to walk on the beach
and go swimming."

Bert is in the hospital because
he's a friend.

MAN:
I think that it makes them feel
for a little bit

like they're not
in the hospital

and they can take their mind
off things.

Bye, Bert.

MAN:
He enjoys coming to see the kids
because he gets to be pet

by a lot of children.

That's the spot he likes--
look at his leg.

(laughs)

Bye, Bert!

♪ Hey, ho! Bert, go! ♪

BOY:
"I also enjoy treats."

MAN:
He gets to have
little doggie treats

when we get back to the office.

♪ He's that dog... ♪
♪ Dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. ♪