05x27 - How the Best Was Won

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Loud House". Aired: May 2, 2016 - present.*
Watch/Buy Amazon  Merchandise

Series revolves around the chaotic everyday life of a boy named Lincoln Loud, who is the middle child and only son in a large family of 11 children.
Post Reply

05x27 - How the Best Was Won

Post by bunniefuu »

- ♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom
on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪

♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do
what he can to survive ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck, dodge, push,
and shove ♪

♪ That's how we show
our love ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ One boy and ten girls ♪

- ♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪

- ♪ Loud, Loud, Loud ♪


♪ Loud house ♪


- Poo-poo.

[upbeat jazzy music]

♪ ♪

- One last note,
kangaroos.

- Don't forget,
voting for this year's

Middle School Best awards
starts tomorrow.

[both gasp]

- Ugh.

[together]
We have to win "Best Buds"!

- Our friendship will
be immortalized forever

in the middle school yearbook!

- We're a total shoe-in to win.
- Definitely.

There's no other
best friend duo in school

like Clincoln McCloud.

- Zusty Spurdles
on the bizz-us.

Come on, best friend.
Let's sit together.

- Zusty Spurdles?

all: Hmm?

- I missed you Rust-man.

I haven't seen you
since sixth period.

- I missed you too, Gurdy.

Oh, I almost forgot.

I brought your favorite sub!
- [gasps]

What a coincidence.

I brought you
your favorite sub.

[chewing loudly]

- Why can't we be like that,
Rachel?

- Um, what's goin' on
with you two?

- We're trying to win
"Best Buds" in the MSB awards.

So we're stepping up
our friendship game.

- But Clyde and I are
going for that.

- Can't you go
for something else?

[belches]
- Eww.

- Like grossest eaters?

- Sorry, but we got a legacy
to live up to.

Our dads won "Best Buds" back
when they went to school here.

- Well, fine.
If you two are

stepping up
your friendship game,

then Clyde and I will too.


[all growling]
- Come on, fellers.


We're all best buds.


Ahh.

[all together]
May the true best buds win.

[tires squeal]

[cheery music]

- Best in the trilogy.
[bell dings]

- Good morning, everyone.
Check out...

[together]
Clincoln McCloud,

Best Buds and Proud.

Hmm?

[together]
Commencing Zusty Spurdles

best buds handshake
in three.

Two.
One.

- Heh, hooh, huh, huh.

[honking]

[grunt]

- Whoa.
You got my vote

for the MSB awards!

- I'm voting for you guys.
- Totally win!

[bike crashes]

- Guys, look!

Clincoln McCloud has
a best friend handshake too!

[school bell rings]

[thundering footsteps]
- Ah!

[groaning]

- Wow, you sure captured
my rugged good looks, best bud.

- Hey-hey,
I paint it like I see it.

all: Ooh.

- Guys, check out
what Lincoln and Clyde made!

[gasping]

[both groaning]

- We go live now
to the cafeteria,

where cleanup has begun,
following today's

sloppy joe expl*si*n.

[jazzy music]

A slideshow of all
of our best friend moments

in the history
of Clincoln McCloud?

How'd that get in there?

- Huh?

[upbeat action music]

♪ ♪

both: Aww.

- Rookie move.

You always go video
over slideshow.

- Mm-hmm.
[growling]

[ominous music]

- Hey, guys. Check it out!

- Woah!
"Zusty Spurdles,

Best Buds in Royal Woods!"

[gasping]
[both groan]

- Everyone!
Look up at the sky!

- "Clincoln McCloud!

Best buds in the world!"

- Looks like
I'm changing my vote.

- I am so voting
for Clincoln McCloud.

[groaning]
- Rookie move.

You always go skywriting
over billboards.

[students gasping]
- Hello, everyone.

Can we have your attention,
please?

- I hope you haven't
had dessert yet.

Because my best friend, Clyde,
and I

have a special treat for you.

[students gasping]

- ♪ He's the apple in my pie ♪

- ♪ The ketchup on my fry ♪

both: ♪ When it comes
to best friends ♪

♪ Yes, I rely on this guy ♪

[cheering]

- ♪ He's the honey in my chai ♪

- ♪ The tuna in my surprise ♪

both: ♪ Every day
solidifies my ties ♪

♪ To this guy ♪

- ♪ The macaroni
with real cheddar ♪

♪ And no one can make it
better than yours ♪

- ♪ Lincoln, I've been thinking
that we might be running ♪

♪ Out of food metaphors ♪

- ♪ Only my best friend's
the best ♪

- ♪ Zach, I wouldn't
put that to a test ♪

both: ♪ 'Cause we're
better than the rest ♪

[all together]
♪ Best friends with this guy ♪

- We've gotta do something to
make sure we win that award.

- Copy that,
and we need to think fast.

Tomorrow is the last day
to vote.

[both shushing]
- Welcome back

to "How Well Do You
Know Your Chinchilla?"

For one million dollars,
Billy,

what is your chinchilla's
favorite color?

- [gasps]
Clyde, I know how

we can win this!
- That's right, Billy!

It was a trick question.

Chinchillas are color blind.
- [gasps]

- So what do you think?

- A game show?
I'm in.

I know a lot about chinchillas.

My cousin, Derek,
has two of them.

He calls them his twin-chillas.

- No.
In this show,

we'd answer friendship
questions about each other.

So the school can see who
the real best buds are.

- I don't know, guys.

- Yeah, ain't this
gone on long enough?

- You have our word that
after this, it'll all be over.

- Promise?

[all together]
Promise.

- Hey, Kangaroos!

We won't be doing
our news show today.

Instead, we're doing a game
show to settle the question:

Who are the real best buds
in school?

Okay,
let's meet out teams.

Team one,
Clincoln McCloud.

Team two,
Zusty Spurdles.

Let's begin round one!

Each team has answered a series
of questions about each other.

Now, they'll reveal
their answers to see

how well they know
their bestie.

Each correct answer
is worth one point.

Lincoln, what is
your best friend, Clyde's,

favorite movie?

- "King of the Rings"!
- He's right!

It's "King of the Rings"!

- Point for Clincoln McCloud.

Rusty, what is
Zach's favorite movie?

- Easy, "att*ck of the Mutant
Alien Toddlers from Mars,

Part Ten."
- No!

Part Nine!
Everybody knows those movies

went downhill after that!
- [groans]

- Zach,
what's Rusty's favorite meal?

- Liver and onions!
- Liver and onions.

- Point for
Team Zusty Spurdles!

- Yeah.
- Boom.

- Lincoln,
what's Clyde's favorite meal?

- It's my dad's
mac 'n' cheese bites.

- [sighs]
That used to be my favorite,

but since Nana Gayle
moved here,

she's been making me
beef bourguignon.

Sorry, I thought
I updated our spreadsheet.

- Aww.

- Yeah!
- The score is tied - !

It's time to move on
to round two.

Teams will do a series
of best friend challenges

that represent trust,
communication, and teamwork.

Each one is worth a point.

First challenge is
the trust fall.

Zusty Spurdles,
you're up!

both: Yeah!

- Point for Zusty Spurdles.

- Your turn,
Clincoln McCloud.

[belches]
[sniffs]

- Bleh!

- Sorry, must have been
the liver and onions

I had for lunch.

both: Eww!

- The score is now - in favor
of Team Zusty Spurdles.

This challenge will test
your best bud communication.

One member from each team
must complete the skate course

blindfolded!

Your bestie will direct you
using only verbal commands.

Take your positions!

[growling]

On your mark.
Get set.

[plays bugle]

- Whoa!
- Whoa!

- Stay straight!
- Straight!

[panting]
- Ahh!

- Hurry, Clyde!
Go, go!

Let's go.
Turn right, now left.

- [yelling]
- You're going backwards!

- [panting]

- Huh, huh, huh, huh.

- [belches]

- Ugh.
Whoa!

- Keep going straight.
We got this!

[grunts]
[bell dings]

- Point for Clincoln McCloud!

This game is tied.

- [groans]

- For the final challenge,
each team will cook

a friendship meatloaf.

Whoever wins this challenge,
wins the game.

- Ooh.
This is gonna be good.

- On your marks.
Get set.

[banging pot]

[grunting]

- Whoa!

- There's nothing I like more
than cooking

with my best friend.

- [mockingly] There's nothing I
like more than cooking

with my best friend.

- You guys sound ridiculous.

- You're just mad because

you know we're gonna win this.

- Yeah, you guys have been

faking it this whole time.

You're not even
real best friends.

[both gasp, growl]

[both gasp]

- Ah!
- Whoa!

- So, you wanna play dirty?

Well, I hope you like
your eggs scrambled!

[both gasping, growling]

- [gasps]

- Not our loaf toppers!
Throw these.

[gasps]
[splats]

[grunting]

- Fellers, stop!

This has gone too far!

Look what you've come to.

Y'all been acting like
real jerks to each other

and me and Stella
can't take it no more.

- And we don't wanna be friends
with people who act like that.

So, we're out.
Come on, Liam.

[all groan]
- Oh.

Guys, wait.
You're right.

This isn't how friends
should treat each other.

- We're sorry for how we acted.

- We're sorry too.

- Can you forgive Zach?
- Ugh.

- I mean,
can you forgive both of us?

- Of course.

Can you guys forgive us too?

- Yeah.
Bring it in, y'all.

all: Mm.

both: Aww.

- We owe all of you
an apology too.

None of us deserve an award.

- That's why Lincoln and I
are withdrawing

from the "best buds" category.

- Oh, um, yeah.

Zach and I
are withdrawing too.

- Hey guys!
Best friends food fight?

[cheering]

[chuckles]

[grunting]
[splashing]

[school bell rings]

- Our next category is
"Best Detention Getter."

And the Middle School Best
award goes to...

Chandler McCann.

Chandler can't be here
because he's in detention,

so I accept this award
on his behalf.

Next up,
"Best Buds."

And, the MSB award goes to...

Rachael and Girl Jordan.

[both gasp]
- [squeals]

- Our final category
is "Best Friend Group."

The MSB award goes to...

The Action News team!

- [chuckling]
Hot dog, we won!

- [gasps]
Wait, what?

I didn't even know
"Best Friend Group"

was a category!

- It wasn't.
But your classmates were

so touched by
your on-air makeup,

that they created a new
award category just for you!

- We won?

- Yes-siree.
- Best friend group

in the whole school!

- This is quite an honor.

I wasn't expecting this.

I just have a few people
to thank.

My dad, my cousin, Derek,
and his twin-chillas,

my cousin Aaron and--

And my girlfriend!
You don't know her.

She goes to a different school.

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪

- I don't have any fives,
Willy.

Go fish.

No! That means take
another card!

[bell chimes]

- I just picked up these three

and I've got two cats
in the van!

Do we have any room, Lana?

[dogs barking, birds squawking]

- I think we can make it work.

Three pups for pick up.

Ah, oof.

[chuckles] Larry, my man!

Can you show our new guests
to your room?

They'll be bunking
with you tonight.

Now, dinner's at : .

We're having salmon kibble
tonight so get there early.

And the spa closes at : .
- [barks]

- Uh, Lana. I've been meaning
to talk to you about something.

- Look, I'll replace
the dog food.

Sometimes I just get hungry.

- Wait, what?
No, that's not it.

The overcrowding in here
is a problem.

And I was thinking maybe we
could free up some space if...

we found a new home
for the exotic animals.

- You mean Willy, Squirt,
and Larry?

We can't!
- No, no, no!

I found this awesome place
for them called

the Exotic Pet Playground.
It's in Ohio.

- Ohio?!
Aw.

That's like
a gazillion miles away.

- They need to be in
an environment

where they can thrive, Lana.

This shelter is
no place for them.

- [frustrated groan]

Sam, they're my best friends!

If you send them away,
we'll never see each other.

- Well, I'm open
to other ideas.

- I'll take em' to my house!

- Are your parents gonna
be cool with that?

- [scoffs] Of course they are.

- Uh-uh.
- Mm-mm.

- [gasps, whines]

- We can help in other ways.

But there is no room

for more pets.
We already have Charles,

Cliff, and Geo...

- Fangs and El Diablo...

- Hops and Walt...

- And don't forget that fox
over there...

Wait...
we don't have a fox!

- What am I gonna do now?

- [ribbits]

- [wailing]

- Great idea, Hops man!

If I can get other people
in town to take in my buds,

I'll still see them
all the time!

[doorbell rings]

Hey, Mr. Grouse.
I was wondering--

- What'd you break?
Was it a window?

My new aluminum siding?

- Oh, I didn't break anything.

I came by to see if you needed
some company.

- Ha! Hard pass.

Company means entertaining,

entertaining means chit chat
and ya know what I hate?

- Chit chat?
- Chit chat!

- Well, then I have
the perfect company for you.

He doesn't talk. Loves hockey.

And you guys both hate
when I do this.

- Meh!
- See?

You're a match made in heaven!

- I don't know.
He looks like a handful.

- He won't be.

I'll come by every day
to feed him,

clean him, and deal with
any of his needs.

Please?
He just needs a place to live.

[whimpers]

- Meh, eh...

Fine.
- [squeaking]

- But he better not sit
in my cozy chair.

[upbeat country music]

- Yee-haw!

- So... what do you think?

- I do love me a llama.

And ol' Larry here is more fun
than a colt who got himself

into a pot of Mee-Maw's
morning joe.

- I'm sensing a "but" coming...

Not your butt, Larry.

- Gee, uh, Mee-maw and I are
spread a lil' thin

on the farm already.
- Say no more, Liam.

I'd be happy to come by
and deal with any

and all Larry situations.

- Well, if that's the case,
you got yourself a deal!

- Lana, we'd love to help
your animals.

But a flying squirrel?

- Yeah, we're more cat people.

[cat meows]

- Hmmm...you don't say.

She's nocturnal so she'll sleep
most of the day.

Gimme a spare house key and
I'll take care of everything.

Yes!

- Kids, dinner!

- Ah!

- Um...why is Grouse
heavily panting at our window?

- Look at this mess!

Your dang bird's running up
my water bill!

- That's 'cause penguins love
being wet, Mr. Grouse.

And, apparently, bubble baths.
I'll take care of this.

You got any fish
in your fridge?

One fish treat for you...

- Uh, excuse me...
- And a fishy treat for you...

- [laughs, exclaiming]

- All right.
My work here is done.

Time for me to go
get my grub on.

[phone rings]

- Lana, come quick!

Virginia and Larry
are a'tusslin'!

Everything was peachy as pie
until Larry

swiped the sweater
that Mee-Maw knitted Virginia.

- Larry! Drop it!

[yelps]

[sighs]

[alarm beeps]

[groans]

- [snores]
Hm?

It's : in the morning!

Why are you awake
at this unseemly hour?

[growls]

[energetic jazz music]

[squirrel chittering]
- [panting]

[groans]

[sighs, grunts]

[flatulence]
[sniffs, groans]

[sighs, snores]

[groans]

[groans]

Ow!

[groaning]

Spending time with my buds
was so much easier

when everyone was in one place.

- [ribbits]

- I can't bring them home,
Hops.

Mom and Dad already said no.

- [ribbits]
- Hmm.

Maybe you're right.
Maybe they don't have to know.

- [ribbits]

[mysterious music]

- [snoring]

♪ ♪

- Shh.
- [mumbling sleepily]

- Shh!

- [snoring]

[loud cr*ck]
Huh? Huh?

- Um, this is all a dream!

- [chuckles sleepily]

all: Phew.

♪ ♪

- You can watch
"The Dream Boat."

But don't stay up too late.

We got a big day
of hanging out tomorrow.

I'm so happy you guys are here.

[gasps]

- [humming]
Hey, I gotta stop eating

those spicy nuts before bed,
Rita.

Last night I dreamt that
there was a ding dang penguin

climbing our stairs!

Oh, forgot my shower cap!

[door creaks]

- [grumbles]

[yelps]

- [gasps]

- Hello there, beautiful!

[humming]

What the heck...

- It-it wasn't me, honey!
- [grumbles]

- If I were a flying squirrel,
where would I be?

So cute...
yet so mischievous.

- Lana?
- Ah!

- Are you okay?
What are you doing in here?

- Oh! I was looking for, uh...
toilet paper!

Yep. Lucy wants me
to wrap her up like a mummy.

- Wait. Toilet paper?
In our bedroom?

On the top of our armoire?

- Ya know I should go look
for that TP.

This was fun.

On the other hand!

Let's talk about this armoire.

Why's it called that anyway?
It doesn't even have arms!

- Is our fan on?
I-I feel a breeze.

- [chitters]

- This is not toilet paper.
[chuckles]

[sighs] That was a close one!

We gotta be more careful
if this is gonna work.

What were you thinking,
sneaking out of the attic?!

Oh, I get it.

You don't want to be stuck
in an attic all day.

I just thought,
if you guys were here,

we'd be able to hang
all the time!

You should be eating
healthy food.

Exercising.
Flying free!

This isn't fair to any of you.

- [chittering]

- I don't want to lose you,
either.

But...

What's that, Lar?

Hey, look!
It's the pamphlet from Sam!

Whoa! Sam was right!

This place actually
looks amazing!

- [chittering happily]

- So, I guess this
is good-bye, huh?

Here, this is for you.

In case you get sleepy
on the trip.

Stay cool in the van, Willy.

Don't tell Lola about this,

but I got you something
to munch on during the trip.

Bring it in, guys.
[laughs]

- You're doing the right thing,
Lana.

- I know, but it still hurts.

- Which is why I talked to
the Exotic Animal Playground

and found a way for you guys
to talk whenever you want.

- [gasps]

Show me your new digs, Will!

[exclaims, laughs]

And everyone in
the Tree Top Kingdom

lived happily ever after.

What's on the dinner
menu tonight, Lar?

We're having Lynn-til soup!

- Is that my Miss Kiddy
Kalamazoo sash?!

- Bye, Larry!


- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪


♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪


♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪


- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪


♪ That's the way
we show our love ♪


♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪


- ♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪


♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪


♪ Stand in line
to take a pee ♪


♪ Never any privacy ♪


♪ Chaos with kids ♪


♪ That's the way
it always is ♪


♪ In the Loud house ♪
Post Reply