02x20 - Collateral Damage/Just Friends

[bunniefuu]

[" I'm from Another Dimension" by Brad Breeck plays]

It's gonna get a little weird Gonna get a little wild I ain't from 'round here I'm from another dimension Gonna get a little weird Gonna have a good time I ain't from 'round here I'm from another woo-hoo Yeh-heah I'm talking rainbows I'm talking puppies Pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa Paaa It's gonna get a little weird Gonna get a little wild I ain't from 'round here I'm from another dimension [rhythmically]

Stabbing all the trash with the stabby stick.

Stabbing the trash and I put it in the sack.

- Gonna s*ab the trash - Hey, I was eating that! Come on, you know this stuff is garbage.

- What are you doing here? - Same thing as you.

Getting the trash.

- Hey! - Uh, I can see that, but I meant what did you get in trouble for? - Huh? - Did you waste somebody? What? No, I volunteered.

Uh, for detention? Are you okay? [laughs]

Totally! No.

I'm actually pretty messed up.

- Ah, me too.

- You know, I think I'm the first princess to lose everything, which is kind of impressive.

I'd log it in my spell book, but I don't have my spell book, and I would tell Glossaryck, but I don't have Glossaryck, either! How am I supposed to know where to go or who I am if I don't have a history? And if I keep myself busy, I won't be able to mess up anything else! So that's what I'm in for, Janna.

- Mm-hmm.

Uh - Because I'm out.

[loud crash]

- Yo, what did you do? - What did I do? You just put Otis in the dumpster.

Right on.

- Otis? - Otis! You know, he's, like, the school mascot or whatever.

Okay, probably that shouldn't be in the garbage.

Phew, it's okay.

That made a crazy sound when I threw it in.

It was all, like, [imitates springing noise]

[tinkles]

So, you're gonna be in detention forever.

[screams]

[shuddering sigh]

Oh, Principal Skeeves, I am so sorry! Without Otis, I would be dead.

I remember the moment well.

It was very cold that day.

Winters here are quite harsh, you know.

I was being chased through the halls of this very school by a herd of bullies, and hid beneath Otis's underside.

I hid for days, survived by eating the frozen gum stuck to Otis's great big belly! He saved my life.

- Principal - Life! I'm gonna take off, yeah? So, just, uh, you know, find a brother in the hallways when you're ready to give her detention.

Hah - You want that door open or closed? - Hit the lights.

Okay, that was not normal, even for Skeeves.

- [tearfully]

Excuse me! - Hey, guys, what's going on? [sobs]

We're waiting for Mr.

Candle's grief counseling.

Grief counseling? Sorry, everyone, no counseling today.

I'm too torn up about Otis.

No point in pulling you onto a sinking lifeboat.

Uh, Mr.

Candle, how can you be torn about Otis? You're not even from this dimension! But look at them, Star, look at their little droopy, baby-fat faces! Contact grief is a real thing, okay? Dang! Oh, dang.

Hey, come on, guys.

I'm really sorry about Otis.

Please, is there anything I can do to help? Let me fix you.

It's not your fault.

It's our fault.

Good morning, everybody! I've invited you all out here to say I'm so sorry for yesterday.

I made a pretty big mess, but I think I made some magic today.

I give you Otis! - [all gasp]

Otis is really here? - It's a miracle! Otis? Otis, is that you? My dear boy, I I thought I lost you forever.

But you're really here! Ohh-ho-ho-aah! Wait a second.

I used to put my used gum there! - Where is it? - Yeah, and where's all the scratches? It's too shiny! - And where is the kissing hole? - Kissing hole? You know, the hole where you practice your kissing? - What? - Where's my kissing hole?! This is Otis, right, Star? Duh! But the old statue was all b*at up, so I made a shiny new one.

Isn't that great?! [imitates voice]

It sure is, Star.

That's not Otis.

That's a fake! No, it's Otis, just better! Otis was perfect the way he was! [sobbing]

Wait, wait! Come back! Come back! Otis is back! What's wrong? That's just a horrible reminder of everything we've lost.

What? I need to find out what I did wrong.

- Marco! - Ow! - Oh, I'm sorry! - It doesn't matter.

Excuse me! - Aah! - Oh, never mind.

- Zeke, I think we should break up.

- But, Becky, I love you.

I love you, too, Zeke, but nothing matters anymore now that Otis is gone.

Hey, everybody! It's me, Otis.

I'm back.

- Otis! - I love you! Otis, we love you! Oh! What did I do to this school? School's done for, Miss.

Everything's crumbling.

- Hooray! - Who am I? Who am I? - Who am I? Who am I? - Marco! Where are you? [muffled]

Star, I'm right here.

Oh, no, Marco's a locker? This day just keeps getting worse! I'm just trying to avoid all the craziness in this school.

Hey, the lockers are talking! The end is near! Hooray! Marco, I am so confused by this statue stuff.

I know what I did was wrong, but I also have no idea what I did wrong.

[sighs]

Star Let me take you back 170 years ago to the top of the Mt.

Angelus Mountains.

[folksy accent]

In the dead of Winter of 1846, the Bonner party had set out for the shores of the western coastline.

Packed with nothing more than a week's ration of food and a dream for a better life, the Bonner party stood no chance of survival.

They gave up quick and decided to settle in the tame suburban valley of Echo Creek.

But one last challenge lay between them and their American dream: possums.

To stake their claim to the land, the Bonner party went to w*r.

Man and possum fought, biting one another with force and vigor.

A letter from Timothy Bonner: [settler reading]

After 26 days of miserable w*r, Otis, the very last possum, was sent scurrying into the forest.

The Bonners' land was now possum-free.

They built a statue of Otis to commemorate the first victory of their small town.

But it was the last time Echo Creek won anything.

Football players kiss it before games.

Teachers make offerings to it.

Others just stare and wonder, "What's a possum?" Otis has come to represent Echo Creek's history, and without it [coughs, in normal voice]

We don't know who we are.

Oh, I know that feeling.

Remember when I lost the book of spells? - Yep.

- I went a bit crazy.

You kept calling me Glossaryck.

- You tried to shove me in a book! - Because that's where you live.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's terrible losing something you care about.

Something with history, something with - Star, it's okay.

- Oh, I got it! Mr.

Skeeves, I'm making an announcement! Don't try and stop me! [over PA]

Check.

One, one, two.

One.

Can you hear me, Echo Creek? Can you hear my loud voice? [static]

- Teachers - What? students, janitors, friends, I have destroyed something you had history with, and I understand that no magic - can fix that.

- Yeah.

But you were more than just a statue of a possum! You're from Echo Creek! You're better than possums! - Johnny Raisinberry! - Who said that? You have been held back seven times at this school! My wife keeps telling me to give up.

But you have perfect attendance every one of those years, and you should be super proud of that.

You are better than a possum.

Thanks! - Brittany! - What? You are really judgmental and mean, but maybe that's because you want us to keep being better than possums.

- [offended]

Yeah! - Mr.

Skeeves, you dropped the ball today on looking after your school.

- But, hey, at least you got a school! - I like those Possums! Star Fan 13, you're the second-best me there is, baby.

- Oh, my gosh! - Ferguson! Alfonso! I haven't talked to you guys all year, but you're always there in the background doing your thing.

You don't need a big possum statue to make you proud.

That's just letting the possums win.

We're from Echo Creek and we're better than possums, so, like the Bonner party before us, on that fateful day in 1846, let's get rid of that possum! [folksy accent]

Like their ancestors before them, the students of Echo Creek got rid of Otis with pride and school spirit.

They destroyed that possum statue as one mob of unity, and Old Janitor suggested they burn down the school.

Star Butterfly stepped in and said no.

That day, our town was victorious, and a girl named Star Butterfly shined brighter than the Northern Star.

Hey, Star, you, uh, gonna help me clean this up? [folksy accent]

I suppose I should.

Why are you talking like that? Because today, Janna, was a great day in history.

- Seriously, stop it.

- Not today, Janna.

Not tomorrow.

Not ever.

I think Earth is a pretty great place That's saying something 'Cause I've been through outer space I think it suits me, it's just my style I think I'm gonna stay a little while I think that strangers are just friends you haven't met I'm blasting monsters and I never break a sweat I'm really thinking I could call this place home