04x15 - Bulldozer Versus Dinosaur!/Carolina Tackles Football

[bunniefuu]

MAN:
♪ Martha was an average dog ♪

♪ She went... and... and... ♪
(barking, growls)

♪ When she ate
some alphabet soup ♪

♪ Then what happened
was bizarre... ♪

On the way to Martha's stomach,
the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain,
and now...

♪ She's got a lot to say ♪

♪ Now she speaks... ♪

How now, brown cow?

♪ Martha speaks ♪

♪ Yeah, she speaks
and speaks and speaks ♪

♪ And speaks and speaks... ♪

What's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

♪ Martha speaks... ♪

Hey, Joe, what do you know?

My name's not Joe.

♪ She's not always right, but
still that Martha speaks... ♪

Hi, there.

♪ She's got the voice,
she's ready to shout ♪

♪ Martha will tell you
what it's all about ♪

♪ Sometimes wrong,
but seldom in doubt ♪

♪ Martha will tell you
what it's all about ♪

♪ That dog's unique... ♪

Testing, one, two.

♪ Hear her speak ♪

♪ Martha speaks and speaks
and speaks and speaks and... ♪

♪ Communicates, enumerates,
elucidates, exaggerates ♪

♪ Indicates and explicates ♪

♪ Bloviates and overstates
and... ♪

(panting)

♪ Hyperventilates! ♪

♪ Martha-- to reiterate--
Martha speaks. ♪

Today's show is about thrilling
contests with exciting words

like "tackle," "fumble,"
and "intercept."

This is a contest.

A staring contest.

Whoever blinks first loses.

It's a non-blinking contest.

Wrong.

We have Rebecca Silverman

of the University
of Maryland right here.

In a staring contest,

the winner is able to keep their
eyes wide open the longest.

You blinked.

I win.

Let's play again.

Go!

Look out for thrilling words

like "force,"
"contend," and "clash."

See you at the end
of the show.

(singing)

I love days like this
when there's finally time

to tackle the questions
that really matter.

What questions?

What feels colder: the bathroom
floor on a winter morning

or snow down
the back of your pants?

Floor.
Floor.

I've fallen
in a lot of snow

and had a ton in my pants.

Trust me, your feet
are more sensitive.

I don't own pants.

So, floor.

That was no contest.

How about a tougher match?

Yeah, like: who would win
at hide-and-seek,

an invisible person...

or a chameleon?

HELEN:
That's almost an equal match,

but the invisible person
is invisible.

No competition.

We all agree again.

Who wants to tackle
this one?

Who would be more interesting
to talk to: a dog or a cat?

No competition
there, either.

It's a cat.

What?

Because I've never
talked to one.

I have no idea
what a cat thinks.

Well, I can tell you
what a cat thinks:

me, me, me, me,
I, I, me, me, myself.

(laughing)

Were you kidding?

Of course I was.

Oh, that wasn't funny.

You know how sensitive I am
about cats.

I've got a great one.

What's more powerful,
a bulldozer or a dinosaur?

Another easy one.

Face it, we always agree
on everything.

Yeah, it's obviously...

Dinosaur.
Bulldozer.

Bulldozer!

Dinosaur!

Bulldozer!

Dinosaur!

Hold it.

It's a tie.

No, it's not.

Everyone hasn't voted.

Uh, I don't know.

You mean a match between them,
like a competition?

Yeah.

Usually a match is a game,

like a tennis match
or a soccer match,

where each team tries to win.

This would be a match between
a bulldozer and a dinosaur

to see who's more powerful.

Bulldozer versus dinosaur.

It's so obviously...

Bulldozer.
Dinosaur.

Come on, Martha.

You have to break the tie.

I can't choose
without seeing a dinosaur,

and that can't happen,
so it just has to be a tie.

TD, are you
going home mad?

No.

I'm doing what any boy faced
with this question would do:

I'm going to ask my dad.

Hey, Dad, can you help me
with something?

Sure, Son.

Can it wait a minute
till I finish this?

Okay.

Hmm...

There must be a way to prove
to Martha that I'm right.

Sorry, working
on my new invention

took longer than I expected.

How can I help, TD?

I need to prove
to Martha that...

(gasps)

Is that your invention?

Yeah.

The O.G. Time Machine.

A time machine is
a perfect argument solver.

Can we send a bulldozer back in
time to compete with a dinosaur?

No, a bulldozer would be too big
to pass through the door.

Aw, rats!

But the right-sized dinosaur
could pass through.

We could bring it here.

We just set this calendar
all the way back--

past vinyl records, dial phones,
when movies were good--

to the Mesozoic Era,

Cretaceous Period.

Is that the Mesozoic Era?

(sniffing) Must be.

Smell that fresh air.

(stomping)

A dinosaur.

Want to come over?

(grunting agreeably)

I'm TD.

Want to meet my friends?

(grunts)

(grunting)

Did your dad have a way
to settle this argument?

Sure did.

(roaring)

I'd faint, but I don't
want to miss this.

(roaring and moaning)

Martha, any chance
you speak dinosaur?

I guess I do.

She said, "Hi,
my name is Susan."

No way that is named Susan.

(growling)

Okay, don't get all
carnivorous on me, Susan.

So we have a dinosaur.

Now all we need to settle
this conflict is a bulldozer.

TD:
That's Ol' Smokeley, the best
bulldozer in the whole city.

(roaring)

Susan says she's definitely more
powerful than Ol' Stinkley.

(honks horn)

Ol' Smokeley says, "Oh, yeah?"

He's ready for a clash to decide
who is the most powerful.

You speak bulldozer?

That's amazing!

We have our own dinosaur
and that's what amazes you?

Who cares?

We've got a bulldozer
and a dinosaur

who are both ready to clash.

What is a clash?

A clash is when two people or
two teams go against each other

to try to win at something.

Like the contest
we're about to see,

if we can figure out how to get
a T-Rex over this fence.

(laughs)
That's how.

Round One in the Clash of
the Powerful: the big push.

TD and TRUMAN:
Go, Ol' Smokeley!

Push 'er back, way back!

(cheering):
Susan! Susan!

Clash! Clash!
Clash, clash, clash!

MARTHA:
This isn't proving anything,
except how to create a ditch.

Looks like an equal match.

Yeah.

Their strength
seems to be equal.

Equal means
they're the same.

If they're equal,
how can I pick one?

Ready!

(giggling)

Who knew that dinosaurs
were ticklish?

Ready for Round Two in the Clash
of the Powerful: the tug-of-w*r.

The bulldozer and dinosaur pull
with too much force for a rope.

Now what?

TD:
They can't possibly use enough
force to break a chain.

Nothing could break that.

Is nothing strong enough
to withstand the force

of a dinosaur
and a bulldozer?

I can't choose a winner.

It's still a tie.

(honking)

Ol' Smokeley says
he can't play anymore.

He has work to do.

TD:
Please!

We brought a dinosaur
from million years ago.

Can't you take
five more minutes?

(honking)

He's sorry, but he has to knock
down both of those structures,

clear the lot,
and dig new foundations.

That's it!

That's what?

What's it?

What's what?

(grumbles)

The contest.

Smokeley does one building
and Susan does the other.

Whoever finishes first
claims victory

as the most powerful contender.

Contender?

Is that a kind of dinosaur?

"Contend" means
to try to win,

so a contender is a person
who is trying to win.

Or in this case, a dinosaur or a
bulldozer that's trying to win.

(honking, revving engine)

He says he has to check with his
boss to see if this is allowed.

According to the union bylaws,

you can't do
what you want to do.

(disappointed groans)

Unless it involves a dinosaur
from the late Cretaceous Period.

(growls happily)

Yeah, I can see that's exactly
what you are.

Oh, you speak dinosaur?

Oh, yeah.

I've been a union representative
a long time.

So, Ol' Smokeley, if you want,

you may be a contender
in this contest.

(honking)

He'll do it!

(cheering)

Whoever clears
his or her building

and digs a new foundation first

wins the Clash of the Powerful.

On your marks.

Get set.

Demolish!

Pile them on top, Susan.

Neatly.

We're falling behind.

Ol' Smokeley's going to win.

(yelling)

Helen, look!

Help, guys!

We're sinking!

We have to help them.

Hi-yo, Susan.

(roaring)

Hey!

Tail up!

Tail up!

(engine sputters)

Our engine's broken.

We can't finish
without repairs.

Looks like victory
will be yours.

All you have to do
is dig a hole.

(growling)

Susan won't finish
unless it's an even match.

Well, Martha, that's it.

You have to choose.

I can't decide.

I like them both.

(doorbell ringing)

Success!

Sorry, repairing that doorbell
took longer than I expected.

How can I help, TD?

I don't need help.

I figured it out myself.

(TD groaning)

Did your dad have a way
to settle our argument?

No, but he asked me to return
your dad's chain.

(grunts)

I figured out that
we've been looking

at the bulldozer versus dinosaur
competition all wrong.

What do you mean?

We don't have to choose

between dinosaurs
and bulldozers.

If you prefer bulldozers,

that's no reason not to support
the good work that dinosaurs do.

The good work that dinosaurs do?

Did.

Or would do if they were here.

If all of us
could only cooperate

like bulldozers
and dinosaurs do,

we could build
a better world together

instead of just picking
one or the other

in a way that nobody wins.

TD's right.

He is?

I will not break this tie.

I say both are equal.

Bulldozers and dinosaurs
together, forever!

(cheering)

(chanting):
Bulldozers and dinosaurs!

Bulldozers and dinosaurs!

(chant continues)

Bulldozers and dinosaurs!

(Skits grumbling
and whining)

I don't understand them either.

But I did learn something today:

the answer to the question,

"Who makes more sense,
dogs or people?"

(still chanting):
Bulldozers and dinosaurs!

(grunting)

Don't force it.

Force is kind of like strength.

It's how hard you do something.

When something's stuck,
you use force.

What I need is even more force.

Can we help?

We're the Force Force.

"Force" also means a group of
people organized for a purpose.

We're a group of people who
use force: The Force Force.

Stand back.

(grunting)

Don't force it.

(breathing heavily)

This door opens out.

That's the bill
for our services.

You didn't even open it.

You can't force me
to pay this.

(grunting)

Force Force?

Little help here?

DANNY:
With only seconds left
in this match

between the Farmington Ferrets
and the Wagstaff Dogs,

I have to tell you,
these Dogs look tired.

We're not tired.

We could keep it up all day.

Rah, rah, rah!

I meant the team.

Okay, you guys.

We can still score.

We're practically
on our goal line.

Yeah, but they
have the ball.

But I've got
a top-secret w*apon:

a lucky four-leaf clover.

TD, we need a strategy,
not a superstition.

(crowd cheering)

(yelling in pain)

Whoa!

(other team laughing)

(whistle blows)

It's a safety.

(both gasp)

Thank you.

(chanting):
Two points! Two points!

It's a disappointing defeat
for the Wagstaff Dogs.

The final score
in this match: to two.

(all sigh in disappointment)

You'll get 'em
next time, sweetie.

TRUMAN:
to two?

That was the worst game ever.

RONALD:
No kidding.

My grandma can play
better than you guys.

Does she want to join our team?

No way.

You guys are hopeless.

What are you
talking about, Ronald?

You're on the team, too.

Don't remind me.

CAROLINA:
Don't be so hard
on yourselves.

It's not your fault your coach
called a bunch of bum plays.

Uh, we don't have a coach.

TD's dad was supposed
to coach us,

but he's allergic
to our mascots.

I'm furry.

What can I say?

Too bad.

I think you guys have potential.

Sure, the other team
had more offensive plays

than you had offensive yards.

You've got no hustle.

You need a b*mb.

And where's your drive?

Too bad about your coach.

If you had someone good,
I think you could win.

ALL:
Carolina!

Wait!

Hold up!

¿Qué?

What?

(gasps)

Hi, Tiffany.

Ew, a ball.

Carolina, how do you know
so much about footba...

How do I know so much
about footbaths?

Silly.

I always get one
with my pedicure.

Look, if you guys promise
never to talk to me

about football in public again,
I'll show you something.

(everyone gasps)

I am a closet football fan.

(sighs)

I used to watch it
with my papi all the time,

until I got older.

Then I had to stop.

It didn't go with my carefully
cultivated girly-girl image.

But I know all the plays.

The Wishbone, the Shotgun Split
End Cross Halfback Draw,

the Fullback Middle Run Fake
Split End Slant and Go--

which is a really great play.

You guys should totally
learn that.

What I wouldn't give to be
on that gridiron.

Well, maybe you could be.

Yeah.

How'd you like to coach us?

Me? Coach football?

No way.

Please?

You'd be so good.

ALICE:
With a cherry on top?

(chanting):
We're number one!

We're number one!
We're number one!

Bueno.

It has to be
in my backyard.

(cheering)

Shh!

You can't tell anyone
about this.

Every team needs
a good passing game.

Who wants to be a receiver?

I do, I do!

Go deep.

(in a deep voice):
I do, I do.

(laughing):
Kidding.

KIDS:
Whoa, amazing!

Now, let's see who can be
our quarterback.

(sighs)

Ow.

Shift your weight onto your
front foot at the release.

What do you know?

I didn't stink.

We have our quarterback.

TD can be wide receiver
if he learns not to fumble.

Yeah, and he should stop
dropping the ball, too.

Uh, Martha?

Don't tell me.

"Fumble" means
you drop the ball?

Mm-hmm.

Maybe you could coach us
after school next week.

(whistle blows)

Okay, team, huddle up.

When you huddle,

it means you stand
in a close circle, like this.

Um, the reason we're huddling

is because we already know
what "huddle" means.

Really?

Watching your game last week,

I would say you didn't know
anything about football.

Now, this is your playbook.

I want these memorized
before Friday's big game.

Pass them around.

CAROLINA:
What are you doing?

You said "pass."

In football, "pass" means
you throw something.

Yes, but in life, "pass" means
you hand something to someone.

Okay, now,
let's tackle these plays.

Wait!

(sighs)

Sorry, but in football, "tackle"
means you knock someone down

to keep the other team
from scoring.

I meant the other kind
of tackle.

Like when you try to learn
to do something that's hard.

Like memorize a book
full of football plays?

Exáctamente!

Now, First Down
Tight End Slant and Go.

Whoa!

She's got a gift.

Alice, you'll play
defensive tackle.

(crash)

Pretend this window
is the goal post.

All right, it's easy, Truman.

If distance equals "x"
and velocity equals "y,"

it's simple.

(glass breaks)

(glass breaks)

Yay!

(cheering)

(bell rings)

I think we have a real chance
of winning the game tonight,

thanks to you.

Okay, okay.

Enough with the chin music.

Let's see what you do
on the field.

Right.

Thanks, coach.

(giggling)

"Coach"?

I don't know what they're
talking about.

(giggles nervously)

Where's Carolina?

I don't know.

You get the game started;
I'll find her.

(whistling)

DANNY:
Just seconds into the game,

and already the Wildcats
have scored.

Carolina!

Carolina?

Where's the coach?

It's got to be halftime by now.

I can't believe
how bad we stink.

At least this time the other
team is only ahead by six.

It'd be seven to zero,

but luckily their kicker
can't kick either.

Uh, sorry, Truman.

I found her!

Come on!

And I know the shampoo bottle
says lather, rinse, repeat,

but I lather, rinse,
repeat, and repeat.

Oh, yeah!
Cool!

KIDS:
Psst!

Is that Brian Oceanzest?

(screaming)

What are you doing here?

Carolina!

We need you to come
to the field.

Sorry, I can't do it.

It just isn't girly.

But coach...!

You want people to see me?

You want Tiffany Blatsky
to see me barking orders?

And what is wrong
with barking, pray tell?

You can't muzzle your bark,
Carolina.

You are a natural coach.

You took this rag-tag
team of...

Clumsy...

Superstitious...

Really stinky ball players...

And you molded them into a team.

You're the best coach
we've ever had.

I am the only coach
you've ever had.

Yes, but remember the most
important thing, Carolina.

¿Qué?

What?

You look super-cute in plaid.

, , break right,
TD goes deep.

(whispering)

DANNY:
This is interesting.

My dog seems to be
coaching the team.

Holy moly!

Boxwood passes deep.

And it's a stunning catch
by Kennelly!

These Dogs are out
of the doghouse.

Rah, rah, ruff,
our team is really tough!

Rah, rah, grr,
we're the mighty fur!

DANNY:
There's the snap.

Boxwood penned in.

Toss to Kennelly...

Oh, my!

Fumble at the five yard line.

The Wildcats have the ball.

Interception!

Way to go, sweetie!

(back to announcer voice):
I mean, uh...

What an exciting match!

The Dog defense is on fire!

We're deep into the fourth
quarter, ladies and gentlemen,

and the clock is ticking down.

With the score at six to zero,
with the Wildcats in possession,

things are looking bad
for the Dogs.

Well, we gave it our best sh*t.

CAROLINA:
Tiempo!

Time out!
(whistle blows)

Carolina?

Huddle up.

I want you to know, whatever
happens in this game,

whether you tackle the QB,

intercept their pass
or totally fumble,

you guys are still winners
in my eyes.

It's your last sh*t
to win a game this season.

I say we go big, or go home.

So what will it be?

ALL:
Go big!

Wildcats pass...

And it's an interception!

Lateral to Kennelly,

and touchdown!

And the score is tied,
six to six!

They don't call me TD
for nothing!

It's all up
to Truman Oatley now.

If he lands the extra point,
the Dogs will win.

If not...

We'll go into overtime.

And the Wildcats will score
another touchdown

and we lose again.

(whistles)

We won!

(cheering)

Go ahead, say it.

I know what you're thinking.

You look really
cute in plaid.

Did you know there are lots of
football terms we use in life?

For instance, in football,

"interception" means
you catch a ball

that's been thrown
by the other team.

DANNY:
And it's an interception!

TD:
But in life,
we intercept things, too.

Like secret notes.

And food.

If you intercept something
that's moving,

it just means you stop it.

"Fumble" is another
football word we use.

DANNY:
And it's a fumble!

HELEN:
We fumble with buttons...

ALICE:
Papers...

MARTHA:
And food.

Wow!

Nice interception, Skits.

Did you catch all the words
in today's program?

If not, here are a few again.

Force is kind of like strength.

It's how hard you do something.

Their strength
seems to be equal.

"Equal" means
they're the same.

A clash is when two people or
two teams go against each other

to try to win at something.

You blinked.

I won.

Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah!

That's our program.

See you next time.