05x01 - Too Many Marthas/Too Much Martha

[bunniefuu]

MAN:
♪ Martha was an average dog ♪

♪ She went... and... and... ♪
(barking, growls)

♪ When she ate
some alphabet soup ♪

♪ Then what happened
was bizarre... ♪

On the way to Martha's stomach,
the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain,
and now...

♪ She's got a lot to say ♪

♪ Now she speaks... ♪

How now, brown cow?

♪ Martha speaks ♪

♪ Yeah, she speaks
and speaks and speaks ♪

♪ And speaks and speaks... ♪

What's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

♪ Martha speaks... ♪

Hey, Joe, what do you know?

My name's not Joe.

♪ She's not always right, but
still that Martha speaks... ♪

Hi, there.

♪ She's got a voice,
she's ready to shout ♪

♪ Martha will tell you
what it's all about ♪

♪ Sometimes wrong,
but seldom in doubt ♪

♪ Martha will tell you
what it's all about ♪

♪ That dog's unique... ♪

Testing, one, two.

♪ Hear her speak ♪

♪ Martha speaks and speaks
and speaks and speaks and... ♪

♪ Communicates, enumerates,
elucidates, exaggerates ♪

♪ Indicates and explicates ♪

♪ Bloviates and overstates
and... ♪

(panting)

♪ Hyperventilates. ♪

♪ Martha-- to reiterate--
Martha speaks. ♪

♪ O solo mio... ♪

Oh, hi.

Helen! Martha!

Show's starting!

Uh, guess it's up to me!

First on today's show,

we'll have some words
about singing:

words like solo,
a cappella, and aria.

The second course on our menu

will be a heaping helping
of words about nutrition--

words like portion
and balanced diet.

That is, if anyone shows up.

(giggles)

What are you two watching?

Nothing!
(laughs)

Enjoy the show!

Okay, okay,
listen up, people.

The annual Barkton Animal Rescue
variety show fundraiser

is only next week.

Ticket sales are not
spectacular.

So far this year,
we have Arthur Barkley

doing his hand shadows again.

I wish we had something
really special

to get people in the seats.

Something really big.

Ideas?

Anyone?

What about
a singing dog?

Uh, anybody?

No, really.

I heard a dog on the radio.

She had that advice show
awhile back.

She lives a couple of towns
over, in Wagstaff City.

She'd be terrific.

Agnes might be right.

Maybe a talking dog singing
a solo could be a big draw.

Wonderful!

You want me to help you

with your Animal Rescue
variety show fundraiser?

Yes.

We thought maybe you'd like
to do a little number.

Well, it doesn't have to be
a little number.

I can count pretty high.

, , ...

Oh, no.

When I say "do a little number,"
I don't mean counting.

A number can also mean a song
that someone sings.

That's what we
want you to do--

sing a solo number.

I'd love to!

Fantastic!

The concert is this Saturday.

We'll rehearse
all that afternoon.

Agnes, a lady from our group,
will pick you up at the bus stop

outside the Squiggy
Piggy Mart at noon.

Okay!

Meantime, I'll be practicing.

♪ Me, me, me, oooooh ♪

What are you doing?

Vocal exercises.

For my solo on Saturday.

A solo, in case you didn't know,

is a song that is sung by one
person all by themselves.

That's wonderful!

(singing loudly):
♪ Red leather, yellow leather,
Red leather, yellow leather ♪

♪ Red leather,
yellow leather, red! ♪

(still singing)

(gargling)

(warming up with siren method)

(Skits howling in pain)

MRS. DEMPSON:
Knock it off, will you?

MARTHA:
Hmm, I wonder what's bothering
Mrs. Dempson.

Oh well.

(continues siren method)

(Skits howling in pain)

(singing scales)

(cracks, coughs)

Okay, I'm off to rehearsal now.

I'll call you and tell you
where the theater is.

Okay, Martha.

You wait here like a good girl.

I'll be right back.

Martha?

It's me, Agnes.

I'm with the Barkton
Animal Rescue Group.

I wasn't certain how
I'd recognize you,

but then I thought, you know,

"Just look for the dog
at the bus stop!"

And, well, here you are.

(shaky laughter)

Yes.

Right.

Why am I yammering on and on?

We should get to rehearsal.

(whimpers)

I'm sorry.

The rescue group can't
afford a limousine...

Oh, goodness!

My hands are shaking.

It's the first time
I've met a real celebrity.

All right, off we go.

(singing scales)

Huh?

Martha, where are you?

Martha!

Martha!

I'm right here.

No, you're not Martha.

Martha is a white Lab.

She's tall and thin.

You're stubby and round
and freckled.

And she doesn't talk.

Oh, man.

First I lose my dog,
and then I lose my mind.

Pull yourself together,
Jennifer.

Pull yourself together.

Oh!

I'm supposed to sing, aren't I?

♪ Hello, I am Martha ♪

(coughs)

(screams)

Now you're singing!

You're talking
and you're singing

and I still
can't find my dog!

Martha?

Yes?

Stop following me,
talking doggy.

Then stop calling me.

I'm not calling you;
I'm calling my dog.

Martha!

Your dog's name is Martha?

Wow!

What a coincidence!

Well, I'd help you find her,

but someone is picking me up
at that bus stop,

although we've never met...

Where did you say
you left your Martha?

You don't think...

(both):
Martha!

Martha, I can't tell you
how happy we are

to have you singing
in our little show.

Now, we thought
it might be fun

if a few of the members
of the fundraising committee

formed a little chorus
behind you.

And, uh...

(sniffing)

A bit of a diva, is she?

No, I'm pretty sure
she's Labrador.

I'm not talking about
the dog breed.

A diva means a famous
female singer or a woman

who acts like nothing is
good enough for her.

Guess which one I mean?

Perhaps you'd like a snack
before we rehearse?

Go ahead.

(muttering)

You're sure my dog is safe?

Absolutely.

I bet she's with the people
from the shelter now.

All you have to do is
drive over and get her.

Okay.

So where is this concert
taking place?

Uh, I guess I should've asked

where this fundraiser
was happening.

Oh no, poor Martha!

I know.

Kazuo!

He runs the Wagstaff
Animal Shelter.

He'll know if another shelter
is doing a fundraiser.

Follow me!

(burps loudly)

Looks like our star
is ready to rehearse.

All right, places, everyone...

What on earth is she doing?

AGNES:
Um, she's...

Warming up!

Perhaps we could all
join her.

Well, come on,
everyone.

JENNIFER: I told my Martha to wait
outside the grocery store,

but the other
animal shelter person

thought my Martha
was their Martha,

which is really this Martha,
and drove my Martha away,

leaving this Martha behind.

We need to find the shelter
doing the fundraiser

so I can sing my solo and
Jennifer can get her dog back.

AGNES:
That's it!

Wiggle! Wiggle!

Up on your feet!

Here we go!

(huffing and puffing)

I think we've done enough
warming up, don't you, Martha?

Now, we've picked out this
lovely little tune for you.

What did I say?

Well, you shouldn't have
called it a "tune."

A diva like Martha
wants something grand.

Like an aria.

An aria is a song sung
in an opera by an opera star.

♪ This is an aria! ♪

♪ It's so big and dramatic! ♪

See?

Now, Martha, maybe you can help
us pick out

a nice little tune--
aria-- to sing.

Hello.

Are you doing a concert
with a singing dog?

(person hangs up)

Maybe I should do
the talking.

(phone ringing)

(someone answers phone)

Hello, I'm a talking dog,
and...

(person hangs up)

Or not.

Now this is a lovely one.

It's by Puccini.

(gasps)

(sniffing)

Well, of course you'd prefer
to sing it a cappella.

MR. HEETBOVEN:
She isn't going
to rehearse

at all?

A diva like Martha
doesn't need to rehearse.

Plainly, she intends to
"save it" for the performance.

Well, our diva won't have
to "save it" for long.

The house is about to open.

Well, that's everyone.

Except for the
Barkton Shelter.

No one answered
the phone there.

Because they're getting ready
for the fundraiser.

It will take us about
a half-hour to get to Barkton.

Great!

We'll be just in time
for the start of the show.

MR. HEETBOVEN: Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you for coming
to our little fundraiser,

featuring Martha,
the singing dog.

(cars honking)

JENNIFER: Oh no, we'll never get there.

MARTHA (shouting): Excuse us!

Musical emergency!

Singing dog coming...

(coughs)

Looks like...
a bunny, right?

Wonderful.

Let's really hear it for Arthur
Barkley and his shadowy hands.

(polite applause)

And now, the moment you've been
waiting for.

All the way
from Wagstaff City,

the one, the only singing dog
in the world:

Martha!

But first, how about some more
of those hand shadows?

(audience groans)

MARTHA: Made it!

I hope we're not too late.

Hello? Hello?

Oh, of course!

You wouldn't have a concert
at a shelter.

(voice cracking):
Does it say where it is?

Yes!

Come on Martha,
let's go!

(voice cracking): Maybe I
shouldn't have yelled so much.

Oh, and... a bird?

Not a bird.

A bat?

A butterfly?

Bring on the dog!

(nervous laughter)

(voice cracking):
Coming through!

I really should stop yelling.

AUDIENCE:
Martha! Martha!

Martha! Martha!

(still chanting)

AGNES:
Here she comes.

Here she comes!

Look, goosebumps.

(loud applause)

JENNIFER:
Hurry! Hurry!

Sorry, lady,
no dogs allowed.

But this is Martha.

She's supposed to be singing.

Who are you trying to kid?

Singing dog's already inside.

Uh-oh.

Martha will now sing
an aria by Puccini.

Ooh, this is going to be good.

You don't understand.

That's my Martha.

She was waiting at the bus stop
and someone picked her up

thinking my Martha
was this Martha,

but that Martha was my Martha,

and this Martha
is the Martha.

Show him, Martha.

Sing for him.

(voice croaking)

Oh, I think
she's lost her voice.

Nice try, lady.

Carl, it's starting!

I'm going in there.

But you have to stay out here.

But...

No buts.

That's the rule.

(confused muttering)

Oh, I can't watch.

(howling to
"O Mio Babbino Caro")

(loud applause)

(crying)

They like her!

They really like her!

Woo-hoo, Martha!

Yay, Martha!

That's my good girl.

What a good puppy.

(voice cracking):
I couldn't have done better.

JENNIFER: Martha?

Does your throat feel better
after a bowl of warm water?

(hoarse voice):
Yes, thank you.

Hey, great solo Martha.

I can't believe you sang
with a piano.

I'm so used to you singing
a cappella.

A cappella?

A cappella means you sing
without a piano

or any other instrument
playing along with you.

I sang a solo a cappella
in a school choir once.

Would you like to hear it?

(barks)

(in a grating voice):
♪ Home, home on the range ♪

♪ Where the deer
and the antelope play ♪

(howling in pain)

♪ Where seldom is heard
a discouraging word ♪

♪ And the skies are not
cloudy all day. ♪

So what seems to be the problem?

Martha says her tummy hurts.

Oh, really?

Ooh, yeah.

Can you describe it for me?

Is it a constant pain?

Does it come and go?

I mostly notice it
when I walk up the stairs.

Ow.

Ow.

Ow.

Or when I go through
my doggie door.

Ow.

And I have trouble
jumping in the car...

Ow.

(sighs)

Or on the bed.

BOTH:
Whoa!

MARTHA:
Ow.

Hmm.

What?

What is it?

Have you been eating anything
out of the ordinary?

Not really.

Tell me what you usually eat.

Uh, well, I always start
with a nice breakfast.

(can opener whirring)

Ah! Breakfast!

My favorite meal!

Well, I don't know about you,

but after all that eating,
I'm ready for a snack.

(gobbling and slurping loudly)

All done.

I couldn't eat another bite.

(door opens)

(in sing-song voice):
Who wants samples?

(in sing-song voice):
If you insist.

(confused barking)

(whines)

I am stuffed.

Come on!

Nobody likes a crumby baby.

(giggling)

(whimpers)

(concerned barking)

Watching people eat makes me
work up an appetite.

Mine!

(burps)

The entrée was superb.

And the side dishes?

Muah!

No more.

This whale is beached.

Dessert!

(loud licking noises)

(barking)

No, I am not still
stuffing my face.

I am doing the prewash.

I couldn't eat another thing.

Nite-nite biscuits?

Yeah!

There's nothing like a day full
of food to make a dog feel good.

I think I know what's wrong
with your belly.

There's too much of it.

Uh...

Huh?

Whoa!

Be careful.

Martha, we need to talk
about your weight.

Wait?

What do you mean, wait?

I'm not going anywhere.

I'm all ears.

(giggles)

Oh, Martha.

There are two kinds of "wait."

Wait like stay here,

and weight like how heavy
or light something is.

So, which weight
are we talking about?

The one that means heavy.

I like a dog to have more
of a waistline than this.

Oh.

Okay.

So how do I do that?

Do you get plenty of exercise?

Uh-huh.

Martha exercises a lot.

We go on really long walks.

And Martha swims.

And we play fetch, and dance,
and run my obstacle course.

That's terrific.

Keeping active is one of
the best ways to stay healthy.

So that means you're
probably eating too much.

(giggles)

Eating too much?

That's a corker!

Is there such a thing?

Mm-hmm.

Really?

No between-meal snacks.

And limit Martha's
portion sizes.

That should get the weight off.

You can count on me.

HELEN:
Martha!

Breakfast!

Hey!

Where's the rest of my soup?

The vet says I'm supposed to
limit your portions, remember?

Oh, that's okay.

I don't want any portions.

You can keep all those.

I just want more soup.

A portion isn't a kind of food.

It's an amount of something
that someone gives you.

Usually, your portion
for breakfast is

a whole can of soup.

But because you need
to lose weight,

you need three-quarters
of a can.

Oh.

I'm still hungry.

(whimpers)

Hey!

I know how I can get more soup.

(speaking garbled English)

Oh no!

The smaller soup portions

are messing up Martha's
ability to speak.

I guess we'll have
to find another way

to help Martha lose weight.

(speaking clearly again):
See, Skits?

I told you it would wor...

Uh... heh-heh.

Uh-uh.

(speaking garbled English)

Too late.

I may have
limited portions here,

but Carl's garbage cans
are still full-sized.

Let's go!

(whimpering)

Hey!

They're empty!

Oh, Carl!

Thank goodness.

I hope you have samples,
'cause I'm starved.

Let 'er rip.

Helen called.

She said between-meal snacks
are restricted.

I'm hoping "restricted" is
a fancy word for delicious?

No, restricted means
something is limited.

Helen says you're restricted
to eating only at meal times.

So, no between-meal snacks
for you.

But... but... Carl?

Uh-uh.

(growling)

Don't blame me.

Blame Helen.

She's the food police.

Carl!

Okay.

Don't panic.

Jakey won't restrict me
from eating.

Jakey gives me anything I want.

No no no!

No!

No!

No.

No.

No!

You can't restrict the prewash.

(whimpering)

All right.

Have it your way.

But don't come crying to me
when your dishes are all crusty.

This has become
the house of "No."

If they keep restricting
my food, Skits,

I'm going to disappear.

(stomach rumbling)

I am so hungry, I don't know how
I'll ever get to sleep.

(snoring)

Martha!

Time for breakfast.

(sniffing)

This is even less food
than usual.

Sorry, Martha.

I have to limit your portions
so you can lose weight.

But I'm paper-thin already.

Hey, Skits, wait up!

Oh, Martha.

Did you want to go outside?

Uh, could someone help me up?

What's that, Martha?

You say you're ready
for a walk?

(yelling)

Okay.

Here we go!

(screaming)

(barking happily)

Hey, cool!

Can I fly your dog?

Okay, but don't feed her
any between-meal snacks.

She still needs
to lose weight.

GIRL:
Why?

She's light as a feather.

(yells)

Hang on, Martha.

I'll get you down.

(groaning)

(screaming)

What an awful dream!

I lost so much weight, I could
fit through the mail slot.

I need something to get
the bad taste of the dream

out of my mouth.

And I know just the thing.

The usual?

MARTHA: Yeah... wait.

Unless you've invented
some new kind of meat.

What?

No?

Okay, the usual.

Just put it on our bill.

Oh, and don't ring
the doorbell.

Just slide it through
the doggy door.

(whimpering)

So close, and yet so far.

HELEN:
Why do I smell pizza?

(gasps)

Drop that slice!

Why can't I have pizza?

Martha,

you can't just eat
whatever you want.

It's bad for you.

I know just the thing.

I saw it at the library
a few weeks ago.

It explains all about
good nutrition

and eating a balanced diet.

(gobbling loudly)

Food!

Now, that's entertainment!

MAN:
Hey!

Slow down!

You shouldn't be eating
all that junk food.

Why not?

Because it isn't good nutrition.

Nutrition?

What's nutrition?

We're glad you asked.

♪ Nutrition, nutrition,
nutrition ♪

♪ Nutrition,
nutrition, nutrition ♪

♪ Nutrition... ♪

My food is never this much fun.

(song continues)

♪ It's good food you eat
to help you grow up strong ♪

♪ Like the veggies,
fruit, and meat ♪

♪ That are singing you
this song ♪

♪ Nutrition, nutrition,
nutrition ♪

♪ Nutrition,
nutrition, nutrition. ♪

If you want to live
a healthy and long life,

it's important to eat
a balanced diet.

What's that mean?

Hit it!

♪ For a healthy,
balanced diet ♪

♪ Here's a plan
that can't be b*at ♪

♪ Eat your dairy, fruits,
and greens ♪

♪ And your bread
and fish and meat ♪

♪ For strength
and the way you feel ♪

♪ A balanced diet is smart ♪

♪ So eat us up,
'cause most of all ♪

♪ We're good for your heart ♪

♪ Nutrition, nutrition,
nutrition ♪

♪ Nutrition,
nutrition, nutrition. ♪

(song ends)

Now do you understand
about nutrition

and eating a balanced diet?

You betcha!

Seriously?

Are you kidding?

It was a dancing drumstick.

I was hanging on every word.

Does this mean you won't
dig in the garbage

or beg for snacks anymore?

No.

I'm a dog.

Food works for me.

I'm always going to want it.

(sighs)

But it does mean
I won't get so upset

when you limit my portions.

Because I know that
you're doing it

because it's good for me,
and you love me,

and you want me to live
a long, long time.

Hey!

My belly didn't hit.

Look!

See?

Way to go, Martha!

What about the stairs?

(panting happily)

(giggles)

What do you know?

Maybe losing weight wasn't
such a bad thing after all.

(barks)

MARTHA:
Can't catch me!

You shouldn't fill up
on bread.

Too many carbohydrates.

Dogs aren't the only ones
who need to eat a balanced diet.

Humans do, too.

A balanced diet means you
have to eat the right amount

of vegetable, dairy, protein,
fiber, and fruit.

Let me tell you all about it.

♪ Filling up on sugar now ♪

♪ You know that
it's just not right ♪

♪ Bread's full of
empty calories ♪

♪ Especially if it's white ♪

♪ Your plate needs
lots of color ♪

♪ If you want your life
to be long ♪

♪ It's vegetables and fruit ♪

♪ That'll help your bones
grow strong ♪

♪ Nutrition, nutrition,
nutrition ♪

♪ You need a bit
of everything! ♪

Did you catch all
of today's words?

Here are some of them again.

A solo, in case you didn't know,

is a song sung by one person
all by themselves.

A cappella means you sing
without a piano

or any other instrument
playing along with you.

A portion isn't a kind of food.

It's an amount of something
that someone gives you.

Restricted means
something is limited.

That's all for today.

See you next time.

This show is weird.