01x01 - The Break In/The New Kid

[bunniefuu]

Waah!

Aah!

Urp.

Tomato surprise.

Just when you
thought it was safe

To go back in the lunchroom.

Last time I ate this
stuff, my gut was on fire.

It's like acid.

Citric acid, actually,

And a carbon base
electromagnetically heated

To create a synthetic compound

Which has some
admirable qualities.

It's okay to eat?

If you let it age,
it can burn concrete.

It doesn't have too
far to go right now.

That's it.
This time they've gone too far.

They've been feeding
us fish sticks

Made out of cardboard,

Macaroni and cheese stuck
together with paste,

And now this.

It's time we go back there
and find us the good food

They've been keeping
from us all along.

You got to be crazy.

At least I'll be full.
Now, who's with me?

I'm in. I'm in.

Me, too.

Great.
Then let's go get us some food.

Cover me. I'm going in.

Miss finster,
how nice to see you.

T.j. Detweiler, we meet again.

Miss finster: let's
look at a boy.

Who seems to enjoy
breaking school rules,

A boy who scrawled
crude chalk caricatures

On principal prickly's
door, and now this...

Pilfering food from
the cafeteria kitchen.

What do you suppose we should do

With a boy this bad?

Say, I have an idea...

No recess.

Why doesn't she just
tear out his soul?

Miss finster, miss finster,

Those girls over
there said a bad word.

Good boy, randall.
Here's a cookie.

Psst, t.j.

Hey, guys.

How you holding out?

Keeping busy,
but there is one thing

I'd like you guys to do for me.

What's that?

Get me out of here!

I'm going crazy in
here, you guys.

I've counted the ceiling
tiles times already.

There's , .

Do you hear me? , !

Don't worry, t.j.
We're with you, man.

Yeah, no matter what happens,

We're all in this together.

Hey,
what are you kids doing there?

See ya.

You guys, come back!

Poor t.j.
He's really losing it in there.

A kid without recess...

It's too horrible for words.

I say we bust him out.

An admirable
suggestion, spinelli,

But based on my calculations,
any attempt of rescue

Has a % likelihood of failure.

Hey, I got an idea.

Let's go ask the guru kid.

Oh, great guru kid,

Our friend has been
thrown into detention,

And we know not what to do.

Consider the bumblebee.

Alone he is worth nothing,

But with his fellow
bees, he becomes a swarm

And enjoys bountiful
quantities of honey.

What's that supposed to mean?

Don't you see? We're the bee.

We can't save t.j.
Alone, but if we had help...

Actually,
he may have something there.

If we were able to get
all of the other kids

On the playground to help us,

Our likelihood of success
increases % to %.

What are we waiting for?
Let's go.

Thanks, guru kid.

Oh, great guru kid,

How can I get an "a"
on my spelling test?

Consider the bumblebee.
Alone he is worth...

Let me get this straight.

You want me and sam to
dig under the lunchroom,

Break through the
floor, and bust t.j. Out

Just so he can have recess?

Um, yeah,
that's about the size of it.

Neat. Neat.

See, I told you
these guys are good.

Sam: hey, dave,
you're digging the wrong way.

Dave: what are you, crazy?

Who are you calling
crazy, stupid?

Stupid? I'll show you stupid.

They're not going to help
us, are they?

Not in a million years.

All: swing, swing, swing, swing!

The swinger's always
up for a new adventure.

What's she doing now?

Trying to go over the
top of the swing set,

To boldly go where no
kid has gone before.

Great, but will she help us?

Sure.

Swinger: aah!

As soon as she gets
back from the nurse.

I can't believe

We're going to talk
to kindergartners.

No one else will help us.

I've been studying
these primitive grades

For some time now,

And I think I can
communicate with them.

Follow me.

Hello, kindergartners.

We have come from the
land of the big kids

Across the wide playground

To ask your help.

I'm going to try
the aluminum foil.

Look, shiny metal.

Do you like the shiny metal?

If you help us,

We'll give you the shiny metal.

What do you say, kindergartners?

Let's eat 'em.

Run!

I don't want to see him, vince.

I'm scared.

Bob's king of the playground.

If he helps,
the other kids will follow.

He better help,

Or he's going to meet
my friend madam fist.

Dealing with a kid
of bob's stature

Takes finesse, not brawn,

So let me do the talking, okay?

O great king bob,
overseer of the playground,

Vizier of the jungle gym,

We come to ask your royal favor.

You see, my liege,
our best friend t.j.

Was caught by the finster.

We got to bust him out.

Hey, get that first
grader off of my sand!

Hey, leave me alone.

What I'm trying to say
here, your highness,

Is that we can't do it alone.

Yeah, we really,
really need your help.

You hear that?
The fourth graders need my help.

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Of course you need my help.

Everyone needs my help.
I'm the king.

Great! So you'll help us?

I didn't say that.

You see,
being king of the playground

Is a heavy responsibility.

I make sure the first
graders don't get too uppity.

I make sure us sixth graders
are treated with respect.

I can't be helping every
kid with every problem.

My royal mind is just too busy.

You understand? Too busy!

But, your majesty...

I've got better things to do
than worry about some dumb kid.

Some dumb kid?

Who does he think he is calling t.j.
"Some dumb kid"?

Now, spinelli, you promised.

You sit on your sixth-grade butt

Ruling over the playground

Like some sort of big sh*t.

Let me tell you something,
mr. Playground king...

you're nothing
but some dumb kid.

Spinelli! She didn't mean
that, your highness.

I have to concur with
my violent friend.

Gretchen!

I mean, technically,
she is correct.

Bob is dumb, and he is a kid.

Yeah, and if you think about it,

We're all just some
dumb kid to somebody

In this crazy,
mixed-up universe.

My big brother thinks
I'm some dumb kid.

My mom called me "some
dumb kid" this morning.

Even you've been
called "some dumb kid"

At some time or another,
right, mr. King bob, sir?

So next time you go
around calling a guy

"Some dumb kid,"

Just remember this...
You're one, too.

And let's face it, bob,

If us dumb kids don't
stand up for each other,

Who will?

The girl's right.

Kids of the playground,
the dumb kid should be freed!

, , , .

, , , .

, , , .

Uhh! It's jammed.

Stand back.
I've got just the stuff...

Tomato surprise.

I'm free! I'm free!

T.j.,
What are you doing out there?

What are you guys
doing in there?

Miss finster:
that's my question,

But since you seem so eager

To return to the classroom,

You'll be happy to learn

That recess will be
over just about...

Now.

No. No.

No!

Well, t.j., We did our best.

Sorry we didn't
get to you in time.

You guys did something most
kids wouldn't even try.

You're the best friends
a guy could ever have.

Thanks, teej.

It was a relatively
entertaining recess.

We had upside down girl,
the swinger, the diggers...

Hey, whatever happened
to the diggers anyway?

Okay, t.j., We're here.

Hey, wait a minute.
This isn't our school.

Uh, dave, do those kids

Look like kindergartners to you?

Let's eat 'em.

Come on, little guy.

I don't get it.

I've been waiting
three whole days,

And my little plant
just won't grow.

Hey, did you remember
to put the seed in?

Oops.

Everybody know the plan?

Good. Then let's do it.

Miss grotke, miss grotke.

Do we have a problem
with our assignment?

I'm clear on the postulate
of light and no light.

I'm more interested
in the effects

Of nitrogen-enriched soil.

Well, uh, gee, uh, I don't know.

Or perhaps a richer fertilizer

Like a nitrophosphorous blend.

I've also heard a rumor about...

What the...

Recess already?

I must be having trouble
with my inner clock.

Oh, well. Class dismissed.

Miss grotke,
lieutenant griswald, usmc,

Reporting to deploy my son.

Deploy?

My boy gustav has been
assigned to your class.

Any guy named gustav
is bound to be trouble.

We're always happy to
welcome a new student

To our circle of friends.
Where is gustav?

Private, report!

That's gustav?

Well, my duty here is done.
Miss grotke, boys and girls.

Welcome to our little
classroom family, gustav.

Why don't you describe for us

A bit of your personal journey?

Well, my name is gus,

I've been to schools
in the past years,

And my only friend is a
pet snake named herbert.

Uh, miss grotke?

Yes, willie?

Can we go to recess now?

Why, certainly.

Excuse me, but isn't it
kind of early for recess?

It's part of our daily ritual.

We always go to recess at : .

But it's only...

I'll show you around.

Darn solar watches.
I'm going to stop buying

Out of the whole planet catalog.

Now over there is
the jock section.

You could get a nasty wedgie

If you catch them in a bad mood.

T.j.,
Can I speak to you in private?

Sure. You guys introduce
gus to the bug-eating kid.

You're not even supposed
to talk to a kid like him.

A kid like him?
What do you mean?

You know, a new kid.

I'm not going to say anything.

The rest of the class isn't
going to say anything.

Who's going to know?

Over there is where they
keep the kindergartners.

You wouldn't want
to go over there.

I'll say.
Last kid who wandered over there,

They never saw him again.

It's all right.

He might have just
got transferred.

No, it's not that.

I've been to
schools in years,

And nobody's ever been
so nice to me before.

It's so beautiful.

There, there, little guy.
Things are different now.

Yeah. Here you'll
always have friends.

Sixth graders!

Who...

Who's that?

King bob. Just act real humble.

Don't say you're a...

Halt! Who are you?

Hey, there, bob,
your majesty, sir.

This is gus griswald.
He's, uh, well...

I'm a new kid.

We haven't had a new
kid around here lately.

Where's the old new kid?

Here, your highness.

New kid,
you are no longer the new kid.

From now on, you are...
You are...

Morris p. Hingle.

You are morris p. Hingle again.

Thank you.

Okay, you're welcome.
Easy on the ring, huh?

I got a name! I got a name!

I'm not a nobody anymore! Whoo!

Behold! We have a new new kid.

From now on,
he will be known as the new kid,

The new kid, and nothing else.

Ha ha ha. How bad can it be?

Watch it, new kid.

Move aside, new kid.

Out of the way, new kid.

Come on, new kid.
I don't got all day.

Taken. Taken.

Taken.

But where am I supposed to sit?

Willie. Here.

Megan. Here.

New kid.

Here.

Hmm. I'll take petey.

I'll take phil.

I'll take dwayne.

Okay, that's everybody.

Uh, what about me?

Huh? Oh, sorry, but according

To the constitution
of the playground,

Section three, paragraph
two, under kickball...

Ahem... "No new kids."

No!

Look at the bright side.

Lots of people have gone
through life without names,

And they've done fine.

Oh, yeah? Like who?

Well, like the artist
formerly known as prince,

The unknown soldier,
the other four guys in the jackson five.

I might as well face it.

I'm nothing but a loser,
a kid with no name.

Even my snake won't look
me in the eye anymore.

See you guys later,

If I don't shrivel up
and blow away first.

Dust in the wind...
All we are is dust in the wind.

That kid is really
starting to bug me.

How would you feel if
they took away your name?

Rules or no rules,
I wish we could help the guy.

Maybe we can help him.

What are you talking
about, t.j.?

Maybe we can give
him back his name.

I got some favors I can call in.

A lot of kids would
do it for nothing.

He'll never be
the new kid again.

He'll be... He'll be...

What was his name again?

Fat man to little boy...
Elvis has left the building.

Roger. Little boy standing by.

Roger. Lucky lady standing by.

Roger. Music man standing by.

Roger already.
Let's get this show on the road.

Okay, operation gustav is a go.
Move, move, move!

How's it going, gus?

Oh, uh, fine, you know.

Hi, gus.
looks like it's going to be.

A beautiful day, eh, gus?

Hop on the bus, gus.

Hey, gus.

What's happening, gus?

Sit next to me, gus.

What's going on here?

Going on?
Why, nothing's going on, gus.

Right this way, gus.

Children: , , , ,
who do we appreciate?

Gus! Gus! Gus!

Gee, maybe I am
more than a new kid.

Maybe I am somebody.
Maybe I really do have a name!

Sixth graders!

But...
But you guys all know me...

Billy, rachel, clarice.

What about you guys?
You know who I am, right?

How can we know who you are

If you don't even know who you
are, new kid?

I am not a new kid.
I am a human being.

Don't tell us. Tell him.

All right, I will.

Children: gus, gus,
gus, gus, gus, gus,

Gus, gus, gus, gus,

Gus, gus, gus.

Hey, who's blocking
the way down there?

Oh, it's you, new kid.
Move aside.

Sorry, bob, not this time.

What?
You can't talk to me like that.

Oh, yeah? Well, just watch me.

All my life I've been
treated like a nobody,

Ignored by kids because
they didn't know me,

Given the worst stuff because
everybody else got there first,

Made to eat paste.

And why?
Just because I was the new kid.

Then I come to this school,
and for the first time,

A bunch of kids treat
me like a friend.

Then you came along and
made me a nobody again.

Well, you listen here, bob.

Who graduated and made you king?

I am not a nobody.

I am a somebody.
I am gus p. Griswald.

You hear me? Gus p. Griswald!

So what's your point?

Well, I want my name back.
That's my point.

Okay,
you can have your name back.

What do you want, a parade?
Get out of the way!

You hear that?
I got my name back.

I'm not a nobody.

I got a name. I got a name!

Gus! Gus! Gus!

But it's not fair.

He only had to be the
new kid for a few days.

I had to do it for
three whole years.

Hey, you should
have said something.