04x16 - Love and Lies

[bunniefuu]

Hello.

That guy is lookin' at you.
You wanna try talkin' to him?

sure.

Should I lead with, "hey,
one day I could be in a diaper.

Want to go out"?

Or maybe I should go with
the crazy facial ticks,

The tremors...

The dementia.

♪ she got to learn ♪

♪ I ain't going nowhere
for your concern, girl ♪

Watching my mother die of huntington's,

I can tell you...

♪ I'll die thout you, girl,
I'll die without you ♪

No oants to be a part of it.

But you don't even know you have the gene.

And I prefer it that way.

But you're living like you
already have the disease.

Just take the test. Know for sure.

♪ you got a body that would k*ll,
keep dancing ♪

♪ girl, I'll die without you ♪

♪ black girl, put your booty
on the floor, don't stop now ♪

Good morning.

♪ keep dancing ♪

♪ girl, I'll die without you ♪

African flame lilies.

Gabriel.

They're the national flower of zimbabwe.

I had to go through six
importers to get them here.

I-I know what they are.
What are you doing here?

The newspaper said you were
in the capital--harare--

Donating an m.R.I.,
courtesy of what's his face.

W-william white.

You're doing a good job
handing out his money.

I'm g-gonna ask you again.
What are you doing here?

I gave you time to mourn.

How magnanimous of you.

Oh, come on, naomi. We were good together.

I missed you. Last time I saw you,

You yelled at me and you just rolled off.

Rolled? Really, nai?

Th-that's not what I meant.

He's gone, and I'm back,
so let the wooing begin.

Hey, sam. Who's the new girl?

Oh, hey.

It's only been a few days, coop, but...

It seemed longer?

Yeah. I-hit a wall with
the captain and archer.

Oh, well, that makes sense.
Ooh, I can see that.

I-I know it wasn't easy
for you guys, either,

But so you know, I, uh...

I appreciate it.

Hey, hey, hey.

oh, I'm sorry. Do you want--

ignore this. ever since bizzy d*ed,

This has just been happening.

So I'm fine. Ignore me.

Hey, you are never gonna guess who...

Addison. I'm fine.

I-I'm sorry. Are you okay? No,
it's, uh, transient tears.

Who--who showed up? Spill.

Um... Okay. Fife.

Hey. How's he doing?

He's exactly the same.

snarky, aggressive, self-involved?

pretty much. Oh, he's not that bad.

Yeah, I didn't realize
how much I missed him.

Well, he certainly caught
you in the right mood.

Sorry. The bitchiness,
it comes with the tears.

I can't control it.

Addison, if you--if you want
to talk about archer, I--

No, I want to talk about fife.

So did it stir up some old feelings for you?

I don't know. It's, you know,
too early to tell.

I don't know. You know, maybe.

Hey, lady. Welcome back.

Mm. Thank you.

I was just about to call you.

I have a patient who came to
the hospital looking for you.

Fancy. They wanted you, too.

What's the issue?

frank and isobelle's baby has

Hypoplastic left heart syndrome.

Dr. Montgomery, your in utero surgeries

Have been well-publicized.

Well, unfortunately,
due to the severity of this case,

Your baby's heart isn't strong enough

To pump blood through her body,
so no surgery--

In utero or otherwise-- will help.

And we understand, she'll die
within a day of her birth.

We won't get to be parents to her,

But there is a way that we can
keep more than just her memory.

We've done I.V.F. Three times.
Miscarried twice

She was our last embryo,

And I have no more eggs left.

But our baby, she has hundreds already.

But eggs don't mature until adolescence.

Actually, we've done
quite a bit of research,

And, um, if an ovary is
treated with hormones,

It can speed up the maturation process.

I'm sorry. I'm not sure what you're asking.

We're asking you to remove our baby's ovary

And fertilize her eggs with donor sperm.

I want another chance at motherhood.

Hmm. hot?

Whew. Do you think they're too hot?

Oh, how could you be too hot?

My publisher said the jacket
photo is really important.

People see the author,
and it gives them a sense

Of what they're gonna get
if they buy the book.

Well, I'd buy pretty much
anything from this woman.

I'm serious. So am I.

Hey, tonight, um,
maybe you could wear this dress?

oh, my god.

And I could pretend that I
was a fan at the book signing

And the bookstore was closing. Hmm?

Okay... First of all, that's not my dress.

What?

Second of all, it would
take a stylist and an hour

To get my hair to look that way again.

Oh. Mm.

These don't even look like me.

They got you all worked up.

You know what? I think you
like the fake, glammed-up me

Better than the real thing.

Oh, come on, violet. Stop it.

You know what? These-- these are no good.

And you're no good. Get out. Get out.

I'm--I-I--you got--

No, I cannot possibly get in
trouble for thinking that you--

you know what? Get out. Get out.

If you like them so much...
take them with you.

Okay. Thank you.

wait. What?

They want to use their baby as an egg farm.

Severe hypoplastic left heart
syndrome is a death sentence.

Well, yes. We're all gonna
die eventually, but I doubt

That means that you're prepared
to donate an organ today.

Stop. You're not seriously discussing this?

Charlotte, you can't let
that happen at st. Ambrose.

Why not?

Look, if it's publicity you're
after and--and you think

This is gonna translate into funds,

Then I can have the foundation
give the hospital money.

Would it achieve notoriety
for the hospital? Absolutely.

Would we be effectively
performing a miracle? Yes.

And most importantly, we could be altering

Assisted reproductive technology forever.

That's why I want to do it.
But it is morally wrong.

Not everyone shares your compass.

But you know that.

Addison, if there's something
personal that you want--

Okay, could we just stay
on topic for a second?

You are going way off
the rails here. Cooper.

In utero surgery can rupture
the mother's uterus, right?

It could.

Which she would need if she wants to--

Carry her baby's baby.

I was gonna say have another baby,
but, you know, yuck.

What if we wait till the baby's born?

So that a baby that's gonna live maybe a day

Can spend that day enduring
painful abdominal surgery?

Thcards are dealt. I'm just suggesting

We create something good
out of a nasty situation.

We shouldn't do this.
Addison, you shouldn't do this.

Hey, long night?

I was out with my friend michelle.

I finally convinced her

To take the huntington's d.N.A. Test.

Is she seeing violet or sheldon? Neither.

I told her to come in,
we'd just do the test,

Find out one way or another.

There's a 50% chance she'll
find out she's gonna die, ameli

She needs counseling before that test.

She's strong. She'll be fine.

This is why doctor's shouldn't
treat their friends.

I'm doing this because I'm her friend.

I'm thinking I want to check out naples.

It's time for another stamp on my passport.

Ooh, italian men. Spicy. When you gonna go?

If I'm negative, I'll go in the fall.

If I'm positive, it's all over, right?

No, if you're positive,

You'll have 10 years, 20, maybe more.

I know how it works--

Early onset, late onset, every complication.

There's all sorts of ifs,
but one thing is for sure.

From the day my mother was dinosed,
it was a nightmare

That got worse and worse
until the day that she d*ed.

And that was a relief.

And I...

I don't want to wait for
the horror show to start.

What does that mean?

If I'm positive, I'm gonna k*ll myself.

All right. I know that--

I think that--

Oh...

You first.

Things are a little tense...

After, uh...

Our night on the deck.

It was--it was...

Just felt comfortable...

Mm-hmm.

And, uh, familiar,
and we were just nostalgic.

And that's okay.

Don't tronize me, naomi. I--

Okay? I'm not chasing after you.

I just want to know if you think it was

Something more than nostalgia.

Or are you still thinking about archer?

Uh, no, sam. No.

So you mean to tell me that
you didn't feel anything

When we were out there all alone...

Aren't you two supposed to be divorced?

Goo-goo eyes, hushed tones...

It's good to see you, gabriel.

You don't mean that. No, I don't.

Did she tell you about the african lilies?

I thought they were impactful.

Speaking of which--

She's allergic. Okay.

Well, I've got patients.

I'm sure you two have a lot of...
Catching up to do.

Have dinner with me tonight?

I-I can't. Lunch?

No, I--there's no time.

I will sit here and
continue to propose meals,

Espresso, crudités,

Whatever it takes-- until you say yes.

I'm very patient.

I already told you.
I like that first set of pictures.

Come on, cooper. Help me. Which one?

See, I know how this turns out.

I say, "the blue one looks nice,"

And you say, "just nice not great?"

And then I say, "no. You look
great in everything you wear."

And then you say,

"you don't really sound like
you mean that." so I say,

"no, it's not that.
I just like the other one better."

And then we get to the part where you say,

"you think I look fat in this, don't you?"

And then I'm sleeping on the couch.

You do realize that I'm not charlotte?

If you asked for help,
I would at least take it seriously.

This is important to me. Please.

Okay. The blue one.

Ooh, you think so?

Hey, sheldon. Do you have a minute?

Don't pick the blue one.

Uh...

I'ammed.

We just need a minute.

We? please.

Dr. Montgomery,
we are deerate to be a family.

Giving birth, uh, is not the only way.

Have you two discussed adoption?

I need to be a mother to a child

That came from inside of me,
a child that is a part of us.

It may be irrational, but--

I understand that you want to have a baby.

Frank and I have been together 20 years.

And at first, we were young.

You know, we wanted to do things,

And then our careers--
you get off the fast track,

You lose your place.

Finally, we were ready, and after spending

Every dime we had on I.V.F.,

Two miscarriages in the second trimester.

But when this baby finally
made it to 24 weeks,

We--we thought...

We--we thought it would be okay.

But it's not,

Because our baby will be lucky
to get a full day of life.

So either god really hates us,

Or she made it this far for a reason.

You know, women think
that they can have it all.

They can just wait and decide
when the time is right,

But we're wrong.

Okay.

You'll do it?

I can't guarantee that it'll work.

It's never been done before.

And I won't risk your life or
risk perforating your uterus,

So I will do the surgery,
but after your baby's born,

Not before. Thank you.

You okay?

Michelle's test results.

I'm sorry.

I pushed her...

To find out, and now...

She's gonna k*ll herself, pete.

She's going to be devastated, but--

No, she has already decided.
People say things. They--

Michelle knows what is coming.

She saw what it did to her mother.

I mean, she has seen the clumsiness,

Then it gets hard to swallow,
your muscles go rigid,

The seizures and dementia-- I mean,
I don't blame her,

But I have been through this before--

Losing somebody close to me way too soon.

And maybe it is selfish--

it's not selfish. You care about her.

But as good a friend as you are,
it's not enough anymore.

You need to get her some help. Now.

No, I am serious. Where'd you go?

I got a giant grant from the only place

That has more money than you now.

The government. Oh.

Mm-hmm. Impressive.

No, what's impressive is,

I left my big, fancy office at the n.I.H.

With lots of cute little
doctors fawning over me

To come back and get you. To get me?

Come on, naomi. We have great chemistry.

You can't argue with science.

I'm... Very fond of you

But, uh...

This just isn't the right time.

Please don't tell me I'm
competing with a dead man.

With william? No.

No, I just...

Um... My life has certain
complications right now.

Oh.

Oh? What "oh"?

that's code for "sam."

no.

No.

No.

naomi, you can talk to me, about anything,

Even sam.

If you want to woo me,

Discussing my ex-husband
I-is not t way to do it.

Okay?

you gonna do something?

I don't know.

Well, I want a banana.

You know, it's customary

For the boyfriend to offer
comfort in this situation.

Well, my comfort isn't always... Comforting.

Well, sometimes you just
have to plow through it.

Mm.

And sometimes you just need to avoid.

Thank you.

Oh, keep it. Really.

Oh.

Okay.

You know, I'm--I'm okay, you know.

I mean, it's not like we
were close or anything.

Well, sometimes that makes it harder

Than when the relationship was good

And there were no unresolved issues,

Nothing left unsaid.

But it's not like anything's
even setting this off.

I am crying because we're out of sweetener.

I mean, it's--it's like my tear ducts

Are acting on their own.

I just...

I just want it to be over.

Grief has its own timeline.

Wait, wait, wait. What does that mean?

You can't get off till the ride stops.

Even in college,
you had a k*ller poker face.

Michelle--

You know, the day my mother was diagnosed

Was the worst day of my life,

But today-- today could actually top it.

Okay.

I'm ready.

You're negative.

What?

you don't have it.

You're not gonna get huntington's disease.

Oh, my god. Oh, my god!

Oh, my god.

You lied to her about the test results?

Pete, I told you.

She said she would k*ll herself,
and she was serious.

And I told you that when you
have a suicidal patient,

You refer them to a therapist.

You don't lie. No, you do

When it is in the best
interest of your patient.

You're letting your
friendship get in the way

Of your medical training.

You're just trying to justify this.

You were right. You are being selfish.

One day--maybe sooner, maybe later--

But one day she is gonna
die a shell of who she is.

But right now,
michelle is healthy and happy,

And she can stay that way
for ten years, even more.

So as her doctor and as her friend,

I need to protect her from
pain for as long as I can,

Because neither of us wants to give up yet,

Not while she can still
go out dancing and travel

And tell jokes that are so upid

That they pull me out of
the blackest places I go.

As long as there is no treatment
for huntington's disease

The best medicine that I can offer her

Is to tell her that she won't get it at all.

What are you gonna tell michelle
when she wakes up with symptoms?

I'm gonna ask...

Did you enjoy the time you had?

And hope to god she says yes.

Hey. Oh, cookies.

oh, my god. These are good.

They're crunchy,
but the chocolate's still soft.

I know.

I'm keeping 'em over there
'cause I already had three.

better be from a grateful patient

And not some secret boyfriend.

"we're forever thankful for your help.
Frank and isobelle."

No.

Addison's gonna wait until
after the baby's born--

That's worse, charlotte! It's a baby!

With a life--

A tragically short one, but that is a life.

How are we not on the same side here?

Because you're ignoring the fact

That this could help
make another longer life.

I can't believe you'd be a part of this.

So my publisher needed these,
like, yesterday.

Do any of these work?

Well, you look great.

Really? Mm-hmm.

You kidding? You look trustworthy, smart.

Yes, definitely. Trustworthy and smart.

Cooper?

Yeah, they're good. What's with the book?

it's a psych textbook.

I can see that,

But how often do you sit
at the edge of your desk

With it in your hand like that?

Well, the photographer thought this staging

Would make me look more... Respectable.

What, you don't like it? No.

It's just, you look like you're about

Two seconds away from
hurling it at a patient.

Well, you do look a bit intense.

Which is not necessarily a bad thing. Is it?

I'd buy a book written by this woman,

In fact, I'd even pay hardcover price.

But if you're asking...

This isn't you, violet.

You're not some uptight,
stodgy therapist who looks like this.

You're open and welcoming.

You sit on your couch all
curled up drinking tea,

Making people feel like they know you.

I mean, that's who you are.
It's a good thing.

It's--it's why your patients love you.

Hey. Hey.

Do you have a minute?

Oh, isobelle's water just broke.

I was just on my way to the
hospital to check on her.

Addison, you're really gonna do this?

You're gonna harvest that baby's eggs?

That baby's gonna die.

At least this way, isobelle and frank--

No, no, just forget about them.

They are blinded by their
desire to become parents--

A desire which they
clearly do not understand.

Who does understand it?

It's some psycho-biogical impulse

That's hardwired into us.

Well, it's also a responsibility.

That they seem fully prepared to accept.

I mean, nai, where--
where is this coming from?

You've devoted your whole
life to helping women

Who can't conceive on their own conceive.

No, this is different. It's experimental.

No, this is n*zi germany

And--and tuskegee all rolled into one.

We are scientists trying to progress.

They want a baby.
We might be able to give them one.

By allowing them to treat
the baby that they have now

Like it's already dead?

Addison, you can't do this. I want to.

But--o-okay. For whom?

Addison... You're grieving your mother,

And you desperately want a baby,

And if you can help them, maybe it means

That down the road, you might get one, too.

I know you're not questioning my judgment.

maybe I am.

You've been questioning mine.

There are lines that we shouldn't cross.

Unless our teenage
daughter becomes pregnant.

Oh, wow.

When did I stop knowing you?

Do you have a minute? Do I have a choice?

Um...

I'm--I'm not a romantic person.

Here it comes.
I'm --I'm a practical p erson.

I'm the person who looks around

And sees what needs to be accomplished,

And then gets it done.

When william was dying, I-I fed him,

And I cleaned him,
and I did what I had to do.

When my marriage to sam was over,

I was the one who took
care of all the details

So that we could both just move on.

You carry a lot of responsibility.

Anaddison-- you know, I...

I have loved her like a sister,

And I have forgiven her all her flaws

Because I-I know--

I know that she is doing
the best that she can.

Again, a heavy burden.
And it feels heavy. God.

Mm.

Why is it then

That when--when I was--
when I was traveling the world

And--and doing all of
the foundation business

And solving serious problems,

I-I...

I felt so light?

Because the problems you wereolving

Weren't your own.

Yeah.

Fife says he's in love with me.

Well, how do you feel about that?

Well, you know, he makes me laugh,
and that feels good.

Recently, sam and I had a...

A moment,

And, uh, I don't know.

No. You know what? No.

I-I do not want to revisit the past.

I just-- so, uh, what do you want?

I don't know. I want simple. I-I want to go

And build hospitals in india.

I want to vaccinate african children.

is that all?

So go build and vaccinate

And--and--and just...

Go.

Ow! Mm.

It's o isobelle.

It hurts. Is it supposed to hurt that much?

Unfortunately, yes.

keep breathing. Try to stay calm.

Oh, oh, oh. The baby's cord is prolapsed.

The baby's in distress.
We need to do a c-section.

Oh, help her!

Please help our baby.

Okay, okay. You're okay. You're okay.

Oh! Ow!

...Every time. I dn--

What?

As a recovering addict,

You know... Honesty is
always the best choice.

This from a man who tried to convince me

A patient could see when she
was actually still blind?

So pete told me about
your friend. I'm so sorry.

Thank you.

But you shouldn't have lied to her.

She's living her life. I'm helping her.

You're deceiving her,

And--and she's living someone else's life.

Of course you would take his side.

No, I'm--I'm taking your friend's side.

She's--she's gonna need people
that she can--that she can trust

Down the line when she becomes symptomatic.

I hope she can still trust you.

If I tell her the truth,
she will take her own life.

Well...

Show her a reason to live

And bring her in here

Where she can get the
therapy she really needs.

Can I help you?

Naomi can't move forward while
you're still holding on.

Or she's just not that into you.

You had her and you let her go.
That was your mistake.

Now you need to do the right thing for her.

You mean for you.

I mean for all of us.

You are an arrogant bastard.

Why don't you go back
to where you came from?

I intend to, with naomi.

Is she okay? I mean, I know that she's...

But is she okay?

She is resting.

Have you thought about a name?

When can you do the surgery?

W-wouldn't you like to meet her first?

Just remove her ovaries.

You said you would do it.
We need you to do it now.

Hey.

Hey.

You can't tell, you know?

She looks just like all the other preemies.

I wonder what she would've grown up to be.

Cooper, don't. Don't go there.

How can you not?

I have to take her now.

okay.

Here we go.

where are the parents?

They don't want to meet her.

Oh, they're cowards. They're wors

It's their right.

What about her rights? What about her life?

She won't last the day. So what?

We're all gonna die. We have no idea when.

And they just...

They say they want to be parents,

But parenting is more than
onesies and bassinets.

It's a lifelong commitment,

No matter how long or short that life is.

Cooper.

They don't deserve her.

okay. All right.

Sheldon. Hey.

Just the man I've been looking for.

Oh, sorry. I'm busy.

It'll just take a sec.

I said no, charlotte.

I am sorry,

But I am tired of being the sounding board

For all the women around here.

I can't solve everyone's problems,
nor do I want to.

I have a life of my own.

Listen, I'm a man and a therapist.

I like to believe that
that makes me sensitive.

But do I care what dress you wear?

I mean, I've become the guy
who's not your boyfriend,

Who gets treated like a
boyfriend when it comes to

The annoying things that
boyfriends don't want

To deal with, but they have
to because if they don't,

They don't get any sex,
but still... I just--

Please just keep your problems to yourself,

Or at least just away from me.

I am resigning as the
not-boyfriend boyfriend.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

Pass it on. I will.

I-I guess I'll get your check another time.

Fund-raiser for the pediatric oncology unit.

You pledged $1,000.

You need to step up.

With your women.

Mine's not complaining.

You both have amazing women in ylives,

You get all the perks,
but you need to be there

For the neuroses and the insecurities

And the existential crises that plague them.

I-I don't want to pick out
violet's photo sh**t wardrobe.

And--and addison is grieving and naomi is--

Naomi's not one of ours.

What?

I-I can't be the not-boyfriend boyfriend.

Just--not anymore.

It sounds to me like you
just need to be a boyfriend.

Look, I live with violet's
neuroses every day

And evernight.

And sam gets more than his share--

whew.

This is not about us.
What he's trying to say is,

You need to find a woman of your own.

But since, according to you,
I have two, I'm the expert,

And I say, join a monastery.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Okay.

guess what I just did.

new sundress for naples.

And--new hat.

Wanna come?

Michelle...

I lied.

About the test.
You have the huntington's gene.

But y-you said...

I know. I'm sorry.

You lied to me?

I was just afraid. You said
you'd k*ll yourself, and...

Don't, because if you hug me right now,

You're doing it because you're sad for me,

But you can't be sad for
me before I'm sad for me,

And I can't be sad for me, because...

I'm too scared to be sad.

I am so scared.

Michelle--

I never want to see you again.

What are you doing?

This is your baby.

Maybe not the one you hoped for,
but... She's sti yours.

No, please. Please don't-- don't do this.

You said you were desperate
to be parents. Are you?

Don't you get it? If--if we don't--

We loved every baby that didn't come to be.

We named the first two-- david and rebecca.

But now... we...

If--if we meet her, we'll bond.

You want to be parents, right?

Not for a day.

You want to be parents? Here's your chance.

If we do this, we're gonna have to grieve.

You'll have to grieve anyway.

There's nothing you can do about that.

At least this way you'll know that...

You did the one thing you could.

Oh.

Oh.

♪...Lifting off, leaving the world behind ♪

♪ I take a window seat ♪

♪ so all I see is sky ♪

We're not doing the procedure, are we?

Oh, baby.

♪ tell me I'm not up here ♪

♪ all alone ♪

♪ did I just leave so
you would come to me? ♪

♪ did I make you up just so I could... ♪

No. We're not doing this.

Just give me one minute.

One minute, and then you
never have to see me

Or hear from me again, I promise!

♪ before a dream ♪

♪ why do I ♪

♪ why do I have ♪

♪ to leave to see? ♪

I didn't expect my father to die.

He was gonna live forever

'cause that's whatads do.

And then one day he went
to work and he got sh*t.

Are you trying to make me feel better?

Because you're not.

What I'm saying...

Life is hard.

There's no way to predict
what's gonna happen.

Someone could back out of
their driveway tomorrow

And mow me down,
and I will be dead before you.

I mean, right now is all anybody has.

Right this minute.

And, yes,

This diagnosis is unspeakably cruel...

And living with it will be a daily struggle,

But as long as the good days
you gotta live those days.

I mean, why would you give
up rocky road ice cream

Before you have to...

I mean, god, driving with the
top down on a sunny day--

I mean, that has gotta be worth living for.

it is.

Right now, when you say it, it is. It is.

But when you're not here cheering me on...

how am I gonna make it through this?

♪

Well, first off, I am your friend,

And I will be here cheering you on

Until you take your last breath.

But you can also...

You need to talk to someone who can help.

I work with amazing therapists.

And then...

When the day comes that your life

Really is not worth living anymore...

When it is worse than
even rocky road can fix...

♪ did I make you up just
so I could believe ♪

♪ a hopeless notion ♪

Then I will k*ll you myself.

♪ why do I ♪

♪ why do I have ♪

♪ to leave to see? ♪

♪ did I just leave so
you would come to me? ♪

So this isn't crazy?

no, I think it's brave

And, you know, honest and real.

Look, you didn't shy away from
the tough parts of your story

Because you knew it was the
only way to help people

Who don't have your strength, so...

Make yourself vulnerable.

Okay. Okay.

Let's do it.

Ready?

♪ to leave to see ♪

♪ leave to see ♪

We have a child and a grandchild.

Well, that's not it.
Well--or maybe it's all of it,

But we both know that it's
more than just nostalgia.

Yeah, but, sam, we can't keep

Just returning to the well that is us

When things go bad.

It's... It's gotta change.

Fife?

He's the, uh, the change you're looking for?

Because he basically just
challenged me to a duel.

Yeah. Apparently, he's under the impression

That I'm the only thing
that's keeping you two apart,

Which makes me think you're not
being totally honest about us.

But there is no us, sam.

Despite what happened, there's...

Anything you guys want to tell me?

Not everything's about you, addison.

Did something happen between you two?

You know what? Your boyfriend
was my husband for 17 years.

He married me, I had his child,

So unless you ever hit those milestones,

My relationship with sam
will always Tr*mp yours.

What's going on with you, naomi?

You know, here's what's going on--

Maya and olivia, they are my life.

That's why I came back here,

But... Here isn't good for me.

Here is just fraught with manipulation

And cheating and...

Sam, you basically offered
to k*ll a man for charlotte,

And--and pete lied about
a patient's blindness,

And, god, a pregnant
junkie came to st. Ambrose,

And instead of helping her,
we bought her baby.

I mean, what... That's not us, is it?

I mean, I'm not perfect.

I'm not saying that I'm perfect. I'm not.

But since when do we do things like that?

Just coming back here,
I'm just not sure anymore...

How far is too far for everyone?

I'm sorry. I just...

Nothing feels right here anymore.

I wish it did, but it just doesn't.

I can't...

I just can't be here.

come with me, then.

I was over you.

Over you, back at the n.I.H.
Doing the kind of work I love,

And they were happy to have me back,

Excited about the cutting-edge
research I was doing for them.

They threw money at me--
research grants, post-docs,

Unlimited lab resources.

It was a dream job, and I had it all.

I had everything.

Almost everything.

I quit my job. I walked out on them.

Sold my place and everything I own,

And I came out here to be with you.

You're my past, gabriel.

You're all my past.

♪ so like your ♪

♪ father in the face ♪

♪ and blood ♪

♪ terrified ♪

♪ and cold ♪

I'm fine.

Cooper.

I said I'm fine.

I think what I think, coop.

But I never want to hurt you.

♪ for you ♪

♪ ooh ♪

♪ ooh ♪

♪ ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ ooh, ooh ♪

♪ you hide your ♪

♪ filthy hands from all of us ♪

I know you told everybody
not to mention the tears,

But really, I mean, it freaks me out.

♪

Well, now I'm...

I actually am crying because...

My mother k*lled herself.

♪ still you run ♪

Well, that...

Does not freak me out.

♪...To be changed from ♪

There were so many times...

That I had wished she'd just...

Disappear.

And now I would give anything...

For one more conversation,

Just one morchance to talk to her.

♪

What would you say to her?

♪...A silver ring ♪

There's nothing trashy
about twirling the baton.

What?

When I was 10.

The uniforms were cute and
the batons were sparkly,

And what the hell did it matter anyway?

But bizzy said no.

Actually, she said, "over my dead body."

♪ from you ♪

So...

Should I get you a baton?

♪ and the tomb ♪

Hey.

♪ like water rushing over us ♪

Hey.

♪ the tide pulls from the moon ♪

♪ the tide pulls from the moon ♪