03x07 - Yope from Norway/The Library Kid

[bunniefuu]

[bell rings]

[children cheering]

Waah!

Umph!

Ah!

[burp]

[bell rings]

Time for school.

Can there be a more heart-wrenching sound

than the peal of that first morning bell?

[metal scraping]

Ay-yi-yi! That noise sure comes close!

Hey, Hank, whatcha doin'
with that mutant chair?

It's a desk, too.

I'm moving it
into your classroom for the new kid.

There's gonna be a new kid?

Well, how about that?

My friend Gus, the new kid no more.

Wait a minute, guys.

if I'm not the new kid, which kid am I?

Uh...

Hey, I know. How about the scaredy-kid?

Well, I suppose that's a possibility.

Help! Mommy!

[panting]

Looks like that one's taken.

I got it! What about four-eyes?

[Echoing] Four-eyes!
Four-eyes! Four-eyes!

All right, all right. Never mind.

Bad idea.

I have a suggestion, How about
"The child formerly known as the new kid"?

It's accurate and inoffensive.

Too many words.

Hey, how about just Gus?

Yeah, Gus!

That sounds good.

Well, that's that.

Now let's get inside
and meet this new kid.

"Just Gus"?

[sighs]

Say, hey, Gus. Lookin' sporty.

What's with the cap?

Well, I was thinking.

"Just Gus" is kind of a boring nickname.

I thought maybe I could be spiffy kid.

You know, spiffy kid, you just
might have something there.

Yo, Gus, you got toilet paper
on your shoe.

[Miss Grotke] Good morning, people!

As you can see, I have
a special guest with me today.

His name is Yope Halverson,

and he's come all the way from Norway

to enrich himself with us for a week.

Everyone say hi.

[all] Hi.

Now, as you can see, Yope,

we've saved you a special place
in our class.

[Norwegian accent] Heh-Heh. Hi.

Now, I'd like someone to volunteer
to be Yope's guide this week...

Someone to show him
around the school, be his buddy.

How about you, Gus?

You were our last new kid.

Will you pass the torch to our new new kid

And show Yope the ropes?

Hey, that rhymes.

Sure, Miss Grotke. I'll volunteer.

Wonderful.

Hey, Gus, that's one to consider...

The "showin' Yope the ropes" kid.
Huh? Huh?

[sighs]

This is the playground.

It's sort of the ground
where kids, you know, play.

So big, so new, so American.

Yeah, we like it.

Hey, Gus, this jumping ropes
the ropes you showing me?

Um, actually, Yope,

showing you the ropes
doesn't mean showing you ropes.

It just means showing you new stuff.

English is one tricky tongue, by jiminy.

Yeah, well, I'll run down
the major playground landmarks.

We have the lunch area,
the basketball court, Randall...

Gus, that funny-looking kid
is blocking the Randall?

What is a Randall, anyway?

Miss Finster,
gum chewers at the main sandbox!

Repeat... Gum chewers at SB !

The funny looking kid is Randall.

He rats on other kids to Miss Finster.

Stay away. He's trouble.

I better write down things what you say.

"Randall is trouble."

Wish I had written that down
on my first day.

OK, now, there's old rusty.

That sure is some fine jungle gym.

And consider the defensive
m*llitary applications.

Oh, I already have.

You know, there's plenty more
fantastic stuff to see

at Third Street School.

You must be joking!

Nope, Yope, I'm not joking.

The two of them just dig, Yope.
That's what they do.

We don't ask questions.

I think I need a drink.

Yope?

No!!

Jumping jiminy! That could've been Yope!

Thank you, Gus, for saving me.

Oh, it's OK. Just a reflex.

But how did you know about
that booby-trapped fountain?

I used to be the new kid
around here, remember?

That trick has been played
so much on me...

Well, Yope, I'll tell you.

The fact is, I have an almost
superhuman ability

to sense trouble before it happens.

Most sacred mackerel!

But I try to keep
my special powers secret.

You understand.

I gotcha. You bet, Gus.

This here's the Kindergarten area, Yope.

These little terrors are trouble!

Let's keep moving.

Boy, these here kiddies

really think you are something,
there, Gus!

What can I say? Word spreads.

OK, now we chant.

Bonky! Bonky! Bonky!

Boy, oh, boy, oh, Gus.

I'm seeing now that you are
the hot kid at this here school.

"Hot kid." hmm. "Hot kid."

As a matter of fact,
that's just what they call me!

I'm not just Gus, I'm Gus the hot kid!

So, Gus, you and that Yope guy

seem to be getting along pretty well.

I'll say. Uh, I mean, I'll say this...

It's a struggle.

There's that whole language-barrier thing.

Brutal.

Righteous, Gus,
you shouldn't have to handle

a difficult cross-cultural
situation like that alone.

We can all pitch in and help.

I appreciate that,

but I'd rather spare my friends
the trouble.

I mean, recess is meant to be enjoyed.

You guys go play.
I'll babysit the new kid.

Hey-hey! Gus in the house!

Hey, Yope, um, keep it down
to a dull roar, huh?

Tell me, hot kid,

Why inside a block
of wooden cheese do we meet?

Well, it's sort of my own
private hot kid clubhouse.

Yeah, that's it.

I unwind here before a busy day
of being hot and junk.

-I can dig it, het gutt.
-"head gut"?

That is how we in Norway
would say this nickname you got...

Hot kid.

"Gusthe head gut." Ilike it.

And notice this...
I have shortened my trousers

in the fashion of current
American hipness.

Yeah, you're getting there, Yopemeister.

[gasps] you calling me "Yopemeister"?

Well, what are we doing next?

I figured we'd just kick it here
in the head gut club

till school starts.

Sounding cool, het gutt!

[bell rings]

[cheering]

I never knew a Norwegian guy
discovered the south pole.

I pick Gus! I pick Yope!

Anybody up for a little American Kickball?

That there sounds like some fun.

Uh, sorry, guys. We're kind of busy.

Come, Yope. You, me, go now.

Didn't sound like
much of a language barrier to me.

Yeah, the only kid I'm having
any trouble understanding is Gus.

Where we hurrying to, het gutt?

I want to teach you a great new game.

First you hide in the janitor's shed.

Uh, Gus, what's going on? Where's Yope?

We're playing hide-und-go-fetch...

Some loopy foreign game you guys
would hate.

Gus, forgive me, bue you seem
to be in over your head here.

Are you sure you don't need any help?

Thanks, Gretch, but it's no use
letting him wear us all down.

His questions alone drive you nuts.

Yada, yada, yada.

OK, but if you change your mind,

We're over on the ball diamond
where we belong.

Ball diamond... check. Got it.

Olly, olly oxen free!

Hey, you win! All right! That was fun.

Let's play something else.

That there tetherball, Gus.
Let's play that for a while.

Yopemeister, let head gut
tell you about tetherball.

It's all eye-hand coordination.

The basic idea is to...

Heh-heh. Did that on my first try, too.

He's good.

Oh, boy.

Hey, Yope, why don't we quit
while you're ahead, huh?

Well, lucky here. Another sucker
for me to b*at at tetherball.

Listen, Lawson. Yope here is from Norway.

He doesn't know any better.

Ha! Well, he shouldn't have been
on the court

if he didn't want to get creamed!

Hey, diggers, there's a game
going on here!

Sorry, guys, Lawson's challenging
the new kid to a game of tetherball!

Lawson and Yope going at it?

Please, Yope. There's a crowd gathering.

Let's get out of here.

Put a bow tie in it, Grisworm!

The kid says he's playin', he's playin'!

Just one game, OK, Yope?

Then we really gotta get back
inside the clubhouse.

Yeah, yeah. One game's all it'll take.

Now off the court.

Ah!

[cheering]

How the heck do you know
tetherball so good, kid?

Tetherball, it was invented in my country.

Wowie zowie! That kid is hot!

Don't you know a thing

about your own school there, girlie?

The hot kid around here is Mr. Gus.

[laughter]

[Laughing] Griswald, a hot kid?

I love this guy!

Hey, there, Gus. You OK?

Yeah, now.

Lawson finally took
Mr. Study visa off my back.

Turns out he's a pretty cool kid, huh?

I heard... the new kid is now
the hot kid. Big deal.

They're all just
crummy old nicknames, anyway.

Um, on a brighter note,
Miss Grotke is throwing

a farewell party for Yope on friday.

There's gonna be a sheet cake!

Everyone's invited, Gus.

Hey, sounds great. I'm there.

Well, Gus, we were gonna play
some kickball and wondered if you...

Maybe later.

I'm fine in here for the time being.

Party-shmarty.

Like Yope would even care
if "just Gus" showed up.

Fare-thee-well, Yope.

It's nice to know we'll
always have a friend in Norway.

Thank you, Mikey.

This has been one
of the best weeks of my life.

By the way, where is my friend Mr. Gus?

He's been spending a lot of time
out in the cheese box, Yope,

Feeling kind of crummy,
about nicknames, mostly.

Nicknames?

Children, let's gather for picture time.

I want to be closer to the hot kid.

"Hot kid"?

OK, kids. Just say cheese.

No!

What, they don't like cheese in Norway?

Yopemeister! I mean, oh, it's you.

Why aren't you at the big party?

I don't have any more nicknames
for you to steal.

You mean like new kid and hot kid?

Yeah. I'm "just Gus" now...

Not a nickname you
or anyone else would probably want.

It just so happens
my best North American friend

is named "just Gus."

Best friend? Really?

Ja. you showed Yope the ropes

when nobody wanted to be Yope's friend.

Well, I know how it is.

I used to be the new kid myself,

and there's something I should tell you.

I made up the whole "head gut" name.

No, Gus. That was a name I gave you.

To me, you will always be het gutt.

Really?

Sure thing. Now, come on.

Let's go get ourselves
in that there picture.

I'm gonna miss you, buddy.

I'm gonna miss you, too.

[camera shutter clicks]

Now, remember, people,

Book reports are due on thursday.

You may choose any book you like,
just as long as it's not

a comic, catalog,
or book made from a movie.

[all sigh]

Oh, man, where are we going to find
boring books like that?

I know just the place.

Voilà!

The library?

Oh, come on, Spinelli,
the library's great.

It's the Valhalla of volumes,

the Pantheon of the printed page.

The basement of boredom.

Hey, we're cutting into playtime.

Let's grab our books and get out of here.

Excuse me, but do you have...

[snoring]

So many pages, so few pics.

Eeny, meeny, miney...
hey, "Nature's mistakes...

Oddities that really happened."

Now that's worth a report.

[grunts]

[gasps]

Ah! You guys, you guys!

-What's wrong, Gus?
-I saw something weird back there.

Great. Randall followed us.

It had big, giant eyes
and pasty white skin... like a ghost.

Doesn't sound like anybody I know.

[Mikey] That's 'cause it wasn't
anybody you know.

It was the library kid.

The library kid.

Of course. The library kid.

Would somebody please tell me
what you're talking about?

The library kid, Gus... a strange being

who lives in the stacks
and never comes out.

Some say she was accidntally dropped
in the after-hours book deposit

when she was a babe.

Others say her parents
returned a book really late

and had to leave her behind
to pay the fine.

I always considered her a myth.

That's 'cause we never knew anybody

who actually saw
the library kid... until now.

Know what that means, Gus?

We're going to get out of here fast
and forget the book report?

Nope, we're going
to catch us a library kid.

[T.J.] OK, here's the plan,
we'll all split up and take an aisle.

If there really is a library kid,

we'll have her cornered.

Everybody got it? OK, then move out.

Any sign of her?

Negative, Teej, just a bunch of books.

Who's there?

I got a visual, and she's
heading towards Geography!

I'll cut her off in Jakarta!

She's doubling back towards Philosophy!

If we can drive her
toward the existentialists,

we'll have her trapped. There's no exit.

It's her!

Hello. We come in peace.

You eat candy?

Candy good.

Thank you.

[gasps] You speak english?

Certainly, as well as French,
German, Latin, Greek,

and a little Basque, but I'm not fluent.

Wow!

Shh. Please speak quietly.
Remember, you're in a library.

OK, but we need answers.

For answers, please go
to the reference desk.

But who are you? How'd you get here?

I'll tell you all you want
to know, but not here.

Ever since I can remember, I loved books.

I read "Pat the bunny"
before Icould walk.

By the time I was ,

I had completed
the collected works of Seuss

And was deep into "babar"
in the original French.

I could hardly wait to begin Kindergarten.

I was excited at the prospect
of discussing my favorite books

with my peers...

And then I saw them.

They were loud. They were dirty.

They were my classmates.

Ah!

I was afraid.

There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.

And then I saw it...

The library.

And I've been hiding
behind books ever since.

You know, kid, things
have changed a great deal

since Kindergarten.
Your classmates are no longer savages.

They're fourth graders now.

That may be, but this is my sanctuary now.

I'm safe and happy here.

I've got everything a kid needs.

Yeah, everything but recess.

Recess? I think I read about that once.

Recess isn't something you can read about.
You've got to live it.

The sun on your skin,
the gravel in your shoes,

the wondrous dance of the tetherball
as it winds it where on the pole

Oh, you make it sound so beautiful.

Hey, you've read the book,
now experience the ride.

[children cheering]

Welcome to our world!

Shh.

You don't have to whisper
on the playground.

You can bee as loud as you want!

But how does one get
any reading done here?

This ain't book time, it's playtime.

Spinelli, your grammar.

Forget grammar and try this.

Hmm. This must be a ball.

Yes, rubber filled with air
for a strong trajectory.

And look, it's inscribed.

"Dizzy-whiz ball, Columbus, Ohio."

You don't read it, you kick it.

Fascinating.

This is the jungle gym.

It has a certain hyperkinetic energy

which belies its stationary nature.

I like it. Who's the sculptor?

Yeesh.

Whoo-hoo!

I see.

He harnessed the force of gravity
for amusement purposes.

Now you're catching on.

OK, it's your turn.

Um, it's quite steep.

Perhaps I should read up
on technique before...

Ah!

Library kid, are you OK?

Ptoo! Ptoo!

Do it again!

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

[bell rings]

Well, there's the bell. Recess is over.

Not for me.

-What do you mean?
-I'm not going in now.

I've got years of dirt, sweat
and broken collarbones to catch up on.

Look, there are rules.

You can't stay on the playground
all day, its just no time.

Why not? I used to stay
in the library all day.

Boy, when that kid likes something,

she really likes it.

You know, she does display a slight
tendency to overcommit.

Oh, come on. It's not like
she's out of control or anything.

Whoo-hoo!

[gasps]

Library kid, be careful!

Careful? Ha!

Ah, ha, ha, ha!

She's gone recess-crazy!

Yee-ha!

We've got to stop her
before she kills herself!

-Yeah, but how?
-I know, maybe we can coax her down

with something she likes more than recess.

I don't think there's anything

that kid likes better than recess.

Oh, yes, there is...

To the library!

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Hey, library kid!

Remember this? It's a book.
You used to love books.

A book, yes.

This is just what I need...
finally a decent second base!

Got any round books I can use for balls?

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

[Gretchen] Quick! Open the books!

If she hears them read aloud,

perhaps it will rekindle
her love of literature.

It's so crazy, it just might work.

Waah! Whoo!

Hey, library kid, listen to this.
"While the sultan of swat

is the most famous
home run hitter of all time,

he also had a great fastball."

Hmm, I didn't know
Babe Ruth was a pitcher.

Geronimo!

There she goes! Come on!

Yeah, yeah, I'll be right there.

I'll be. Shoeless Joe wore shoes.

[imitates Tarzan]

"The cannons boomed as Ivanovich charged,

his sword held high, gleaming
in the blood-drenched sun."

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Come on! She's getting away!

Just a sec. This is getting gory.

[gasps] Library kid,
get down from there!

You can get in trouble, can't she, T.J.?

T.J.?

Hey, tom's tricking them
into painting the fence for him.

Tender, Mr. Sawyer. Very tender.

Wait!

See, Gus, I told you this stuff was good.

You were right.

Rod McKuen charted a map
of the human heart.

Uh, a golden ball!

Ha ha ha ha!

Come down, library kid,
before you break your neck!

Never!

Ha ha ha ha! Whee hee hee!

Don't do that!

You're gonna hurt, please listen to me!
It's dangerous!

Ride 'em, cowboy!

Oh!

Teej, you gotta help me!
She's out of control!

Sure, in a sec.

Vince, listen to me!

Just wait, OK?

I'm starting the chapter on Hank Aaron.

Spinelli, Mikey, Gus!

Shh!

Ha, ha, ha, ha! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

Ah! My glasses! I can't see!
Help me! Help me!

[gasps]

Oh, my gosh!

[bell ringing]

Gretchen, how dare you
pull the fire alarm?

You know the fire alarm is only for fires!

But, Miss Finster, look!

Whoa! Whoa!

Good sweet Mike! Call the fire department!

Dial ! Hurry!

[sirens wailing]

[cheering]

Thank you.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going back where I belong.

I know what you're thinking,
and the answer is no.

I'm never leaving this library again.

This is where I belong...
Here with my safe reliable books

and my orderly card catalog.

But why does it hve to be
one or the other? why can't you do both?

Both?

Well, think of it, perhaps
you could learn to enjoy recess

without going nuts, and likewise learn

how to utilize the library
without moving in.

You know, like the ancient Greeks said...

All things in moderation.

Ah, yes, the Greeks.

Antiquities... Section five, aisle four.

Look, I love books, too,
but there's more to life than reading,

Just as there's more
to life than just recess.

The secret is not too much
or too little of either.

[Sighs] Well, Maybe.

I guess I just...

I... I have to think about it.

I understand.

Shakespeare, Shakespeare,
sitting in his tights,

How many sonnets did he write?

, , ...

[Spinelli] It was on that March...

Oh, man, we're missing recess.

This has got to be
some book report record.

Will somebody shut this egghead up?

Which brings us to chapter ,

in which NicolaIis finally reunited

with his beloved Ninotchka.

And so, on to Moscow...