03x19 - The Madness of King Bob/Call Me Guy

[bunniefuu]

[bell rings]

[children cheer]

[screams]

[screams]

[burps]

[man] Previously on "Recess"...

The only way to prove
he's worthy of the title

Is to do exactly as I did
when I was the Prankster Prince.

He must pull a practical joke
on the reigning king!

I'll never be able to pull a prank on you.
You're just too good.

Let this be a lesson to those of you

who secretly think
you can outsmart your king.

[whoopee cushion noise]

[laughing]

The new Prankster Prince!

[man] And now "Recess."

[laughing]

Well, well, a toy from home.

Miss Finster will be so very happy
to find out about this.

No, please don't confiscate Hoppy.

Too late.

[crying]

They never do learn.

[T.J.] Oh, man, this whomps.

This really, really, really whomps.

It's OK, man. Don't feel too bad.

Something wrong, Detweiler?

Oh, Randall, it's you.

Yeah, something's wrong-- for me, anyway.

What do you mean?

You remember that gerbil scout
raffle ticket

-I dropped on the playground last week?
-Yeah?

And you picked it up
and yelled "finders keepers,"

and Miss Finster let you keep it?

Yeah, yeah, I follow.

Well, I just found out
it was the winning ticket.

You mean I won? I never win, but I won!

Whoo-hoo! I won!

What did I win?

You won a pair of supersonic
air spring court shoes

signed by Jamaal Van Johnson.

[exclamations]

Yes! Who's Jamaal Van Johnson?

Only the NBA's hottest sh**t
for the last three years going,

Pro Champ VIP, most rebounces
in a single game,

shoo-in for the hall of fame.

I love Jaamal Van Jonhson!

[bicycle bell rings]

Grand prize delivery
for a Mr. Randall C. Weems.

That's me, that's me!

Give me that!

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

[screams]

[laughing]

The Prankster Prince strikes again.

So there.

[crowd chanting] Prankster Prince!
Prankster Prince!

Prankster Prince! Prankster Prince!

I hate that kid.

Hate him? But Sire, just last month

you said his whoopee cushion prank
was brilliant.

Never mind what I said!
I'm telling you I hate him.

Listen to them cheering.

I never got that kind of praise
when I was the Prankster Prince.

And I was much more inventive.

Now all I ever hear
is "T.J. this" and "T.J. that"

and "Oh, T.J. your oatmeal puddle trap
was simply sublime."

Well, I've had it!

Had it, Sire?

You've heard me, I am the king,
and kings are better than princes.

Perhaps it's time
I remind everyone of that.

But how?

Perhaps you could issue
a royal proclamation...

Or make up a neat jump rope ditty.

No, talk is cheap. I must show them.

I must pull a prank
on the Prankster Prince.

[both gasp]

But, Sire, that's against
the law of the playground.

Stupid law. Amend it!

Now, let's see, if I'm going
to sneak up on Detweiler,

I'll have to go undercover.

Yeah, I have the perfect outfit
in mind. Here, you take this.

You're leaving the throne?

Who will enforce
the laws of the playground?

Don't worry. Detweiler's an easy mark.

I'll be back before the end
of second recess.

If anything comes up, cover for me.

So, I was poking around
in the back of my dad's closet

and look what i found.

Whoa! It's one of those old-time
super bouncy flubber balls.

My dad got it for his th birthday.

They say those flubber balls
Bounce so fast they ricochet.

[Gretchen] That's because
back in our parents' day,

there were no safety limitations
on synthetic toy polymers.

What are you waiting for? Throw it, Teej.

Yeah, give it a real hard test bounce.

OK, everybody stand back.

Before you throw it, Teej,

Mind if I touch it?

Just once, to say I did.

I'll do you one better, Gus.

I'll let you have the first throw.

Really? Wow, T.J., this is great.

Don't worry, I'll be extra care--

[screams]

[ding]

[screams]

[screams]

Just a little prankster rust.
Nothing to worry about.

We need to see King Bob.

Sorry, kids, we're closed.

We have a big hide-and-go-seek problem.

-Yeah, he's it.
-Im not it, you're it!

-Am not!
-You are!

[Jerome] Stop!

The king is sick.

He's in no shape
to hear your problems today.

[Jordan] Yeah, so come back tomorrow.

We need to know who's it!

OK, OK, um, I'm thinking
of a number from to .

Is it ?

Yes, ha ha. So you're it. Now run along.

[laughing]

[sigh] It's not easy being king.

[Bob] There you are,
my round little friend.

I believe you have
a rendezvous... with wetness.

[clic]

[rotor noise]

[rotor noise]

[clicks]

No!

[all gasp]

Oh, man.

Gus, Gus, are you all right?

I'm beginning to think
someone doesn't like me.

It's not you they're after. Check it out.

"Who's laughing now, Detweiler?"

The banana peel, this water balloon--

Those pranks weren't meant for Gus.
They were meant for me.

You want a piece of me? Go ahead and try,

'cause whoever you are,
no one has ever gotten me.

so put that in your prank and pull it.

Then I lure Detweiler onto the catapult

with a tasty golden turkey, and whammo!

Bye-bye, T.J.
Enjoy your trip to Saskatchewan.

[cackling]

Nah, that's stupid.

[woman] Robert, I hear cackling.

Is your homework getting done?

Yes, Mom.

Aw, jeez, lost again.

OK, best out of .

Come on, Lawson, you big fat hogger.

Give somebody else a turn.

Gee, you know, you're right, Spinelli.

I should let someone else be up.

Now, let's see, who's next?

Oh! It's me! [cackling]

That's it, Lawson.
We're going to see King Bob.

[laughs] A lot of good that'll do.

What you talking about, Lawson?

Oh, you'll see.

[arguing]

Come on, Jordan. We want to see King Bob.

Sorry, kids. The king needs his rest.
You'll have to come back tomorrow.

Oh, man, this whomps.

The playground's messed up,
and Bob won't even see us.

Hey, what's that?

A big bag of money!

That's it. Come to papa.

Man, oh, man. I've always dreamed

Of finding a bag of money
on the playground,

a dream of mine that's widely known
To friend and foe alike.

Wait!

[screaming]

[splash]

They got me again.

Sorry, Gus.

Maybe if this so-called
prankster were any good,

he'd be able to hit his target.

Egad! I just had a thought.

I hope it involves a glass of milk.

No, don't you see? It all makes sense.

Fact one: King Bob has been missing

for several days,
resulting in a serious clog

in the playground judicial system.

Fact two: while King Bob has been gone,

a series of pranks have been
attempted on T.J.,

a.k.a. The Prankster Prince,

a title that used to belong to...

[all] King Bob!

So he's the one trying to prank me.

OK, two can play at this game.

[groaning]

Then I lure Bob onto the catapult

with a golden brown
cornish game hen, and pow!

Bye-bye, Bob. Enjoy your trip to Alberta.

Listen, Teej, we got to talk to you.

Yeah, we've been thinking,

and we've decided you got to take a dive.

-What?
-Don't you see, T.J.?

King Bob won't quit until
he pulls a prank on you.

And unless he quits,
recess will be ruined forever.

You got to do it. It's the only answer.

Sure, if the question is,
"what's the lamest thing I can do?"

Sorry, guys, I will not let
King Bob prank me.

-[fanfare plays]
-[gasps]

Kids of third street, please welcome

our school's new foreign exchange student,

all the way from Holland--
Yahoozi The Mystic.

Yahoozi?

[foreign accent] Hello,
English-speaking childrens,

and to your school, I am welcome.

[chattering]

Behold as I give you samples of wonder.

I'm needing a volunteer.

You there-- the behatted one.

-Me?
-Yes.

Your assistancing, please.

Well, what the heck?

Do me a favor. Keep an eye out
for King Bob while I help the new kid.

Boys and girlen,

I will now be making
your friend T.J. disappeared.

[exclamations]

"Disappeared," eh? This ought to be good.

In you are going.

Wait a minute.

That's no dutch accent. T.J.!

Abra...cadabra.

[all gasp]

Observe!

Your precious Prankster Prince

drenched in lime-o gelatin dessert.

[laughing]

The Prince is pranked. Long live the King!

[cheering]

It's OK, Teej. Everybody
gets fooled once in a while,

Even the Prankster Prince.

If it's any consolation, T.J.,

being covered in a big blob
of lime gelatin has always been my dream.

Thanks, guys, but I'd rather not talk
about it, If you don't mind.

[Jerome] T.J. Detweiler!

The king wants to see you.

Here he is, Sire.

Excellent. Now leave us.

[sighs] Guess you want to rub it in,
don't you, Your Highness?

Don't kid a kidder. Detweiler.

I know what you did. You took a dive.

Don't be silly, Your Majesty, I--

You knew it was me all along.
I could see it in your eyes.

And you stepped in
that ridiculous box anyway.

No, it's not true.

That was a great prank, a brilliant prank.

OK, OK, I did It.
I faked the whole thing,

But it was for the good of the playground.

-It was nuts out there.
-Enough!

You outsmarted everyone
into thinking I outsmarted you.

I appear to be the better prankster,

and for a king, appearance is everything.

Thank you, T.J. Detweiler.
You have done well.

But tell me-- how?

How did you know it was me
up there in that stage?

Simple. Yahoozi is the brand of
the whoopee cushion I used to prank you.

I knew I saw that word somewhere.

[joy buzzer buzzes]

OK, that never happened.

Don't worry, Your Highness.

No one will ever know.

I like that kid. Indeed, I do.

[fanfares]

Safety Man! Hey, Safety Man!

I got something, Safety Man.

[screams]

Hector, how many times have I told you?

The first rule in safety

is you got to keep your shoelaces tied.

The second rule is never, ever run

with a razor-sharp piece of paper.

Paper is note, note for you.

Mommy wants you walk to me home Thursday.

Tell your mom I'd be honored.

OK, Safety Man.

I tell mommy, and I see you Thursday.

And remember, no running in the halls.

Kids.

[girl] Out of my way, four-eyes.

-[boy] Move it, kid.
-Watch out!

Hey, my glasses.

Oh, jeez.

Don't they know I can't see a thing
without my--

Uh-oh.

Um, Hank!

I see your glasses, Gus,
but I just can't quite reach them.

[T.J.] Hey, where's your specs, Tex?

Oh, is that you, T.J.?

You look like a blurry blob.

And it looks like you kicked your glasses
in the heater vent.

Oh, unlucky fates. How they torment thee!

Oh, it's not so bad.

I used to lose my glasses all the time,

but as I've gotten older, I've gotten
better at keeping them on my face.

Perhaps the bone structure
of your face has matured.

As a matter of fact, my dad took to taping
my glasses behind my ears.

Same old Gus.

Hey, there, Coolster,
when did you get here?

Who, me? : this morning.

[laughs] Good one, dude.
Listen, since you're new here

you should know I'm the man who can
get you an audience with King Bob.

But I don't need to see King Bob.

Yeah, right. You k*ll me.
Later, man.

That was weird.

Yes, it's alsmost as if Jordan thought
Gus was someone else.

Someone cool.

Like a Coolster in a record store.

What? Oh, you guys are talking crazy.

Tip number one, OK?

Do not hang out with these losers.

They're, like, so nowhere.

What's that, barrette brain?

Just explaining something to the new boy.

He's way too cool to hang out
with you dorks. Toodles.

That sounded like Ashley A.,

but what's she doing talking to me?

It's almost as if without his glasses,
kids think Gus looks cool.

Cool? Really?

Come to Hanky. Come on.

I got 'em. There you go, Gus.

Now, remember, son,
on your face or in your case.

Yes, Sir.

There's our Gus.

Now come on. Who's up for some Kickball?

You guys go on ahead.
I got floor junk on my glasses.

I got to wash them.

Hey, groovy guy.

Hmm.

Boring guy... groovy guy.

Boring guy... groovy guy.

[Mr. Griswald] Private Gus,
what are you still doing up?

Lights out was minutes ago.

I'm working on something
for school, dad...

And my name's not Gus.

He wasn't at the bus stop.

He wasn't at the bike racks, either.

This isn't like Gus. Where is he, anyway?

Guys, you're not going to believe it.

[all gasp]

[Gus] What up?

[all] Huh?

Yo!

Catch you later.

Like, who's the rebel?

[screams]

Where are your glasses, boy-o?

I got them right here, in my pocket.

Don't you think you should
put them on your face like Hank said?

Unh-unh. With my glasses on,

I'm just your guys' tag-along pal.

But with them off, heck, I'm cool.

Hey there, cool kid.

See you later, cool kid.

Stop by the swings at recess, cool kid

and we'll... well, you know, swing.

See what I mean?

All these years these stupid glasses
have been keeping me

from achieving my cool potential,

but not anymore.

What are you going to do,
only wear glasses in class?

Nope, I'm going to do this.

Hasta la vista, babies.

Wow, he roofed them.

Gee. You think that was
such a good idea, Gus?

Not "Gus," Teej.

From now on, call me "Guy."

I'm all right, I'm all right.

You going to be OK, Gus-- I mean, Guy?

Oh, yeah, I'm going to be fine.

Excuse me, pardon me.

[crash]

Uh, Guy, I don't believe

the trash can is
your proper seat assignment.

Well, no, it's not. I just thought--

Way to be a rebel, man. Fight the power.

Yeah. Tomorrow, I'm sitting on the globe.

[all sigh]

[door opens, closes]

Good morning, partners in learning.

I trust you all
had a bran-intensive breakfast

and are ready to explore...

The green mints.

That guy is so scandalous.

Hello, ladies.

Shall I take him
to the dodgeball wall, my liege?

No, leave him be.

You don't mess with a kid that cool.

I'll have some of that
and a little bit of that

and a whole lot of that on top.

I wonder if Gus knows he just put
strawberry syrup on his taco...

Or that his spaghetti
is covered with chocolate ice cream.

Yowza! Even I wouldn't eat that,

Unless I was really hungry.

Wow! What do you call
that mess of stuff, Guy?

Well, uh, I guess it's kind of--

♪ Fusion cuisine,
The latest taste sensation ♪

But of course.

Whoa!

Um, guy, I don't think
this whole no glasses thing

-is working out.
-What do you mean?

Things are going great.
Just wait till Kickball.

The way my luck's going,
I could be picked first.

The way your luck's going,
you could break your leg.

Guy, incoming!

I got it, I got it!

[groan]

Gus, Gus, are you OK?

It's Guy.

Hey, man, that's the fifth time
you've been hit in teh head today.

Only five?

Look, guys, I like coolness as much
as the next guy,

but don't you think
this has gone on long enough?

Repeated Kickball impact to the head

can result in serious
neurological problems.

And it could all be avoided by putting

your good old glasses back on now.

You guys don't get it.

By not wearing my glasses, I look good,

and when you look good, you feel good.

Ow!

Feelin' good!

I'm really worried about that guy.

His name is Gus and he's our friend,

and I say we got to
protect him from himself.

Yeah, right, what are we going to do?
Run around behind the little doofus

and make sure
he doesn't keep getting creamed?

[crash]

I'm OK!

[sigh] Anybody got any better ideas?

-[thud]
-[Gus] My foot!

[groan]

Say, Guy, any tips
for a plain normal kid like me?

Lose the uniform, Philly. It's not you.

Say, Guy, where'd you get
that sharp-looking hairdo?

Barbershop, second saturday
of each month.

Be there or be square.

-Say, Guy--
-[Miss Grotke] Everyone settle, please.

I'm handing back Tuesday's
writing assignment on Greek myths.

Greek myths?

I thought we were writing
about green mints.

Hey, Gretch, can you make out
what I got on this thing?

Certainly, Guy.

Whompin' Bobula!

T.J., we have a situation-- code red.

Code red?

[bell rings]

[children cheer]

[whistling]

[T.J.] Hey, Gus.

Hello, T.J., I thought that might be you.

Most kids call me "Guy" now.

Most kids don't care if you
fall into the diggers' hole, Gus.

Or impale yourself on the flagpole.

Or walk into the girl's bathroom.

Are we back to this?

Listen, guys, what's a bruise or a cut

or a sour stomach if kids think I'm cool?

There's nothing cool about failing grades.

I am sure I don't know
what you're talking about.

Oh, yeah? Then what's this?

Hey, give me back my paper
on the green mints.

I worked really hard on that.

It's an "f," Gus.

It is?

Oh, I thought it was a C-plus. Oh, well.

"Oh, well"? Gus, an "f" is nothing more
than a cry for help.

Yeah, man, you've got to go back
to wearing your glasses.

No!

You guys don't understand.

You haven't lived a single day

as Gus "four eyes" Griswald.

But I have.
I've lived dozens of them.

There's always someone
more cooler than him,

more popular, more with it,

always someone who gets picked before him.

But lousy stuff like that
never happens to Guy Griswald,

and it never will.

So if guy's who the people want,

Guy's who the people are going to get.

But, Gus, as the bard once wrote,

"to thine own self be true."

Yeah, and your own self needs glasses.

Not anymore. Those glasses are history.

I'm not wearing them,
and you can't make me.

Safety Man,

you supposed to be
walking me home now, 'member?

Huh? Oh, yeah.

Come on, Hector. Let's get out of here.

Safety Man, why you no wear your glasses?
You look funny.

It's a big-kid thing, Hector.

You're too young to understand.

Safety Man, you OK?

Yeah, yeah, sure.
I don't hear any cars coming.

Let's go.

[tires screech]

You kids ought to be more careful!

Safety Man, we almost
got hitted. You no see car?

I-I'm sorry, Hector, I...

You yell at friends!

You bump Hector!
You cross street with no look!

You no Safety Man.
You... scary Danger Man.

No, no, Hector. I'm still me, honest.

It's just without my glasses,
I'm cool. See?

No! When you have glasses,
you Safety Man,

the coolest kid I know.

When you no have glasses,
you scary Danger Man,

and he not cool at all.

But, Hector--

Make up your mind.
Who you want to be? Who?

What are you doing?

Waiting for Guy.

I'm going to get him to sign my shovel.

-Yeah, but--
-Hey, everybody.

There's an animal on the roof.

[murmuring]

Maybe those rumors
of an evil chimney troll are true.

Who is that kid?

He moves around like circus folk.

A kid on the roof-- that is so cool.

It is I, Gus Griswald,
and I can see again!

[chattering]

Just him. Big deal.

There's nothing cool about
being in the roof.

It's good to see you seeing again, Gus.

Your spectacles become you.

Get down from there, Griswald!

Yes, ma'am.

I'll just, uh, head down this--

Actually, ma'am, i think I'm stuck.

Guy might have been a good climber,
but Gus is scared tp death of heights.

[sighs] Randall, go get hank.

Tell him to bring the big ladder.

Help!

Help!

That's my Safety Man.