06x03 - Good Grief

[bunniefuu]

♪ Ohhh ohhh ohhh ♪

♪ hey ♪

♪♪♪

"A tattered pair of socks,

"a stained coffee mug,

"an unpaid bill,

a pair of eyeglasses
on the dresser..."

"A desk calendar frozen forever
on that idle Wednesday."

"Mementos of you linger,

"untouched, ethereal..."

Thank you.

"As if disturbing them
would risk

"losing you forever.

"You are gone, yet you remain,

and tomorrow,
this won't hurt as much."

What stage of grief
are you in?

♪ In your father's tears ♪

Everything okay?

♪ In all your mother's pain ♪

Yeah. Yeah.
I'll be right out.

Can you, um,

can you warm up a bottle
for Henry?

I'm on it.

♪ We'd be the same ♪

You hungry, big guy? Hmm?

A few years after, I moved out
with my boyfriend Josh.

J-Josh?

Mm-hmm. And he developed
a bad habit

of getting high and forgetting
he had a girlfriend...

Uh-oh.
So I kicked him out.

Uh, threw myself into work
at u.C.L.A...
Right.

Until Dr. King stole me away.

Right.

And then I met
this hot doctor.

Mm. Mm.

Your turn.

Okay. I like this game.

Mmm. No.
What?

What?

I meant, what's your story?

Uh, m--you... I don't want
to bore you with that.

No, I want to hear it.
Come on.

I want to hear
the Sam Bennett autobiography.
No. No.

Give me
the cliffsnotes version.

Okay,
cliffsnotes version is...
Mm-hmm.

Uh, well, first I was born.

Mm-hmm.

♪♪♪

And then I grew up.

And then--oh, yeah.

I became a hot doctor.

Mm.

Yes, you did.

Is that right?

Mm-hmm.

♪ We were feeling fine ♪

You're crazy.

He's obviously a vampire.

A vampire that eats
nothing but chocolate.

Tony is a freaking tiger.

He would maul the count
and eat him

as part
of his complete breakfast.
No way.

Get ready for school, mase.

Thank you.

You bet.

You guys behave yourselves
in there today.

Don't do that.

You know you're 12 weeks,
right?

That's customarily when people
tell other people.

We're not people.

♪♪♪

I am gonna be at the hospital
most of the day.

I'm pulling a double.

Are you covering
the E.R. again?

♪ Hey ♪

Maybe I'll come have lunch
with you guys.

I'm gonna be busy, Coop.

No kiss?

♪ Hey ♪

That's what got me here
in the first place.

All right.

Hey. Are you excited
about your new room?

Mm-hmm.
What color do you want it?

Blue.

Blue? Blue it is.

We'll go over there

and we'll unpack right away,

and then you can make a fort
with the boxes.

All right.
This is the last one.

We'll see you over there.
Okay.

All right.
You ready, buddy?

I want daddy.

I want to see daddy.

What?

I want to see daddy.

Do you remember
what we talked about?

I want to see daddy.

Hey, baby,

remember when we talked
about seeing "lion king,"

and you asked me
what happened to mufasa?

Mufasa d*ed.

That's right. That's right.

So daddy's with mufasa...
Mm-hmm.

In--in heaven.

He's--
I want to see daddy.

Baby, he's in heaven.

Do you understand, honey?

Mm-hmm.
Daddy's coming later?

I want to see him.

Okay.

Yeah. You ready to go?

All right.
Say, "bye-bye, house,"

Bye-bye, house.

Have you talked to Derek?

Mm-hmm.

How's he doing?

He's great.
I mean, it's not every day

you get to watch them pull
the plug on your best friend.

Sorry.

It's just, Mark was,

you know, he spent so much time
at our house, growing up.

He was as much my brother
as Derek.

W--

except for the fact that we,
you know, did it.

I don't know
how to respond to that.

Well, how about this?

Two men I've slept with
are dead.

You think it's me?

Well, with Pete,
my count is also at two,

and mine's two in one week,
so I think you're in the clear.

In the clear about what?

Uh, I...

Gotta work.

What's that all about?

Mark Sloan.

Ah. I'm sorry.

I know that you were all
good friends.

Honest. No. No.

I'm honest.
I'm honest to a fault.

It's just--i don't want
to reveal too much too soon.

Well, then don't.

I mean, certainly don't reveal
anything too incriminating.

Yeah. We'll, uh, we'll
talk about this later.

Talk about what?

Sam doesn't know when to tell
Stephanie about his past.

Coop.
What did I just say?

What about his past?
We're not talking
about this--

Well,
there's a lot there.

I mean, you live next door
to your ex.

And she's not just any ex.

I mean, she was
your ex-wife's best friend, so--

Secrets will get you
into trouble.

Better put it all out there.

Seriously?
Shut up, Cooper.

Look, I think every
relationship is different.

There's no right
or wrong time

when to reveal things
about who you are.

Sam, just tell her everything.

If she runs, she's not worth it.

Where'd he go?

Hey, man. I wanted to follow up
on your test results.

Yeah, I have it covered, Sam.
Thanks.

So then you got the biopsy?

Yeah, I said,
I have it covered.

Are you angry with me?

Well, let's see.
I come to you, my colleague,

my friend--or so I thought--
for a routine physical,

and you take it upon yourself
to give me a p.S.A. Test

and change the trajectory
of my life.

So, yes, anger is one
of the many things I'm feeling.

You told me that
you had trouble urinating.

I said I had a shy bladder.

Your p.S.A. Was a 5,
Sheldon.

Now it doesn't necessarily mean
you have prostate cancer, but--

I didn't want to know.
Most men die

with prostate cancer, Sam,
not of it.

Ignoring this thing
isn't gonna make it go away.

Well, how about ignoring you?

Maybe this was a bad idea.

I mean, maybe I'm just
an angry guy.

Adam, you came to see me because
you know you have a problem.

So let's talk about it.
How does the anger start?

Is there anything specific
that sets it off?

Honestly...

It feels random.

Like, last week,
my wife wouldn't shut up

about the drapes
in the dining room.

I mean, who cares about drapes
in a dining room?

So...

I snapped at her.

I mean, look,
I apologized immediately.

You know, I mean,
I know I was being an ass.

And then there's
this guy at work.

He always takes
the last cold soda.

Doesn't put anything
back in the fridge.

All he's gotta do is just pick
it up and just put it in there.

Does he know
how you feel about this?

Well, he does now.
I threw a can at him.

Look, I-I know that
what I did was wrong, but--

it's all right to feel
whatever you feel.

It is not all right to behave
however you want to behave.

Okay, so a-are there
some tricks I can use?

Like, my brother Ricky--he tried
hypnosis to quit smoking.

Well, anger
doesn't really work that way.

It's not a habit.

So in order to help you,

we really need to know
the underlying causes.

Some people get angry
when they feel

they haven't gotten
what they deserve.

For others, it comes
from fear or vulnerability.

Guilt can also be a trigger.

Um...

What are the rules here?

I need to know
if I can trust you.

A-Anything you say
is protected

by the doctor/patient
relationship.

Anything?
Well,
there are two exceptions--

if you've ever abused a child

or if you are planning
to commit a crime.

So if it was...

In the past--

it stays between us.

I don't know.
I don't think that I can.

You can tell me, Adam.
It's okay.

What is it? What happened?

11 years ago, I sh*t someone.

Okay?

I sh*t someone.

Our daughter, Jenny,
she was 21,

just finished college, and she
was backpacking across Europe,

and she had one more week.

So I called, left a message.

You know, what do you say
to a voice mail?

So I, uh,
I told her to call me,

and, uh, she did...

From the Moulin Rouge.

And she was so excited,

just going on and on,

and when she said,
"how are you?"

I couldn't tell her.
I-I couldn't do it.

So I said--
and this just came out--

I said,
"Tracey was in the shower."

I mean, she's just a kid,

and those four words--
"your mother is dead"...

They were gonna
change her life forever,

so if I could give her
one more week...

Why not?

Who did you sh**t?

I don't know his name.

I was 18.

A stupid kid.

I mean, you gotta understand,

back then, it was just me
and my baby brother growing up.

We had two different dads
who we never met.

Our mom--she bailed.

We had nothing.

I mean, what would you do if you
saw your baby brother hungry,

crying, cold?

Tell me what happened.

Um...

It was, uh...

It was super bowl.

A guy came out of this
fancy Italian joint on pico.

Look, Ricky was 13.

He was all bones, no coat.

He didn't deserve that.

So I got a g*n. I wasn't
planning on sh**ting it.

It was just to...

Look, I just needed to get us
some money, some food.

So it was a robbery?

If I could go back
and change it...

But the guy--
he wouldn't give me his money.

He lunged at me, and I panicked,
and the g*n went off.

And then I ran.

What happened
to the guy you sh*t?

I don't know

and I don't need to know.

Dress the wound,
then get an X-ray.

Hi.

Hi.

I know you said you didn't
have time to have lunch

with me today, but I wanted
to make sure that you ate.

Thanks.

Sandwich
with a side of broccoli--

jammed with nutrients--

and also two kinds of soup--
lentils and chicken noodle.

Lentils are great. They got
iron, they got folic acid,

they got protein,
and, you know,

chicken soup has sustained
my people for centuries.

Thank you.
There's also a plum,

which I don't know about
the nutritional value,

but in a symbolic
point of view,

you know that the cooplettes are
the size of plums right now?

Now that you could tell with you
since you're barely showing.

Where's the on-call
oral surgeon?

We paged Dr. Walker twice.

Well, then page him again

and get this guy
an abdominal C.T.

Ask me how I know that.

What?

How the cooplettes are
the size of plums.

Honey, i--

how do you know that?

There's an app for it.
I downloaded it this morning.

Sends you all sorts of
information about the babies,

about what to expect.

In two weeks, they're gonna be
the size of avocados.

Oh, then you'll bring me
some guacamole.

I'm really busy here, Coop.
Yeah, I know.

You've been pulling
shifts at the E.R. for months.

Just hire someone.

I can't hire just anyone.

It takes time to find
the right person.

Well, I think you're being
overly picky,

and you can't keep this up,

especially now.

The plums need you
off your feet.

I have to go.

I brought you an iced tea
from downstairs.

Thank you.

So how's it feel
being back at work?

Ah, work keeps me busy.

It's helpful to feel helpful,
you know?

Yeah.

My patient had an important
breakthrough today.

It's a--it's a tricky one.

He did something
when he was younger.

He sh*t a man.
He fled the scene.

He doesn't know what happened.
Does he want to know?

He says he doesn't,

but the guilt is
eating him alive.

I mean, maybe he does want
to know, but--but his denial--

no. No. You're a psychiatrist,
not a detective.

Well, no, I didn't say--
you didn't have to.

Your patient didn't ask you
to research this,

and going behind his back is
a betrayal of his trust,

and without that trust,

the patient can no longer
engage in therapy,

and--and you can't help him.

But what if the man
is still alive?

I mean, if it's good news,

I could tell him, and a huge
burden would be lifted.

Yeah, what if it
isn't good news?

What if your patient is,
in fact, a m*rder*r? What then?

You--you think you're gonna be
able to keep this to yourself?

Of course.
No, I'm not so sure.

If his victim is dead,
you're gonna judge him.

You're gonna know that
your patient is a m*rder*r,

and it's gonna color
how you feel about him.

It's a pandora's box, Violet,

and, you know,
it's not yours to open.

Leave it alone.

Hey.

What's with the smile?

Lydia riggins.

18 months--that's how long
we've been trying.

And now she's pregnant.

Congratulations.

You okay?

You sure?

You don't really seem okay.

You're right.

I'm--i don't know.

I don't mean to be not okay.
I'm sorry.

Look, a friend d*ed, and it's--
it's a lot to deal with.

Well, I will be fine.

People die all the time,
you know?

I've lost my mom,

Pete, and now Mark.

It's what it is.

It seems like more.

No.

I gotta head
to the birthing suite.

You are not the only one
who brings life into the world.

Well, if you want to talk...

You know, I think
you actually might be a Saint.

Thank you.

It's a teakettle.

Doesn't telling me defeat
the purpose of wrapping it?

Yeah. I guess.

We thought it'd be
a perfect housewarming gift.

Oh, I love it.
Thank you.

Hey, can I ask you something?

Yeah,
it comes in other colors.

I mean, I said we should get
red, and Charlotte was like, no.

No. No. No. I-I love
the kettle. It's perfect.

Oh.
I--

uh, supposed there's someone,
and you want to help them,

but they claim
that they don't want your help.

Oh, is it--is it Addison?

No.

No? Sam? Is it Sam?

No. No. You don't know them,
Cooper.

Oh, it's a patient.

Okay, you know what?
Forget I asked.

How are you,

you,
of the mighty olympian sperm?

Ah. Gold, silver...

And bronze.

Um, I'd be better if I saw

the mother of my soon-to-be
children a little bit more.

She's picking up all sorts
of shifts in the E.R.,

and she's just--she's running
herself into the ground.

Well, sometimes work can be

the best way
to occupy your mind.

From something bad.
This is a good th--i mean--

Coop. In a year, she's gone
from not being a mother

to being a mother
of a 9 year old and 3 babies.

That would be a nightmare
for a normal woman,

and she's Charlotte.
I know.

She'll come around.

There's a reason they give us
nine months, you know?

...As tragedy struck
tonight in west L.A.

43-year-old Kevin glanville
left a super bowl party early

and was sh*t and k*lled

outside the four-star pierro's
on pico boulevard.

Police officers believe
the motive was robbery.

At this point,
there are no suspects,

but the search continues
for any witnesses.

Glanville is survived
by his wife Elyse

and their two children,
Brady and Lena,

ages 7 and 4.

You know, there's so much
to take care of--

the bills, the insurance.

I forgot to cancel
his BlackBerry,

and about a week ago,

there was a call from a number
I didn't recognize,

so I called back.

She said she loved him.

My husband.

Two years he'd been seeing her.

I'm mourning his loss,

but I hate him.

My husband is in the ground,

covered in dirt,

and...

I hate him.

Chai tea latte.

Aw. You always remember.

Thank you.

You know, you--you don't
have to do this now.

No point in putting it off.

Wonder what saw palmetto is.

Damned if I know.

I was talking to one
of Pete's patients earlier.

She asked me what she should do
if she runs out of milk thistle.

What did you tell her?

Try whole foods.

You holding up okay?

You know what they say about
grief having five stages?

There's way more.

How about you?

I'm a...

Cheater.

You cheated on Jake?

Mm. Not physically,
but emotionally.

Who's the lucky guy?

Mark Sloan.

I mean, we hadn't spoken
in months,

but I can't--
I can't stop crying,

you know, and that feels like
cheating on Jake.

Addison, there is room
to mourn somebody you loved

and still be in love
with somebody else.

Yeah, well, it feels very
crowded inside of me right now.

Well, maybe talking to Jake
would help.

I have a history, Violet,

and not just I dated some guys
and made some mistakes.

I mean, I have a history.

Jake doesn't know
a lot of things,

and i-i-i--
if open that door, then--

Addison, anyone you enter
into a relationship with

is gonna have a history.

You are your past.

Own it.

Hey, sexy.

That's Dr. Bennett to you.

You want to grab food
tonight?

Oh, I can't tonight.
I'm sorry.

Oh.

Oh? What, oh?

It's your night with
the other women in the harem.

What?

Well, it's not like I really
know anything about you.

Oh, come on, Stephanie.

So it's just a date
with an old flame then?

You know what? Yeah,
that's exactly what it is.

Sam, that was a joke.

Not a good one, obviously.

Yeah, right.

Come on. I was kidding.

All right, I gotta
get back to the office.

I have to say,

since, uh, telling you
about what happened,

I'm just starting
to feel better.

I mean, I know what I did
was wrong,

but just saying it out loud,
I feel so...

Relieved.

I mean, if I'd known
that could've happened,

I would've brought it up
much sooner.

Dr. Turner?

Are you all right?

Yeah.

It's...

I'm--i'm--I'm just not feeling
that well all of a sudden.

Do you mind if we cut
our session short?

Yeah. Um, could I make
an appointment

for the same time tomorrow?
Sure.

I just feel like I'm really
starting to get somewhere.

I-I hope you feel better.

You don't belong
back at work yet.

You lost your husband.

You can't achieve closure with
the problems in your marriage,

so instead, you go digging
around in your patient's past.

Well, maybe knowing the truth
could bring him closure.

Maybe I should tell him.
It's not your place,
and if you do tell him,

he's gonna have to live with
the fact that he's a m*rder*r

for the rest of his life.
Well,
he always was a m*rder*r.

His ignorance
didn't change that.

The only difference is,
if he knows for sure,

maybe he could do something
about it.

You came to me
because you screwed up.

I know!

I know.
I did the wrong thing,

and now I need you
to help me to fix it.

I--if I don't tell him,
I don't know what to say.

What do I say?
Help me, Sheldon.

I know you're right.
I know.

But if I tell him,
he is screwed.

If I don't tell him,
I'm screwed.

I--ah, damn it.
I mean, any other time, i--

I'm off my game.
Otherwise I would never...

What do I do?

Refer him to another therapist.

You have to stop
seeing this patient,

so just--just walk away,
Violet.

Two doctors say
she's brain-dead,

a third says, "miracles happen.
Don't give up."

I don't know
what the percentage is.

It's small. Miniscule, even.

But if I take her off
life support,

what if she's
in that small percentage?

What if the next day,
she would've opened her eyes?

You hear about it all the time.

People just wake up.

And she's such a fighter.

We went on this cleanse once
for three weeks.

Day two, she comes home

and catches me scarfing down
a box of cookies.

I mean, literally inhaling them.

I was so done.

But she saw it through.

She never gives up on anything,

so how can I give up on her?

There you are.

Just listening to the sounds
of the real ocean

and the sounds of the fake ocean
from the baby monitor.

It's very meta.

Addison, what's...

What's going on with you?

Have I
done something wrong or--

no.

No. You--you haven't.

You're--it's not... you.

You asked me
about Mark before.

Yeah, but you clearly didn't
want to talk about him.

I--it's not that.
It's just--i, uh,

you look at me right now--

you have this way
of looking at me.

It's very honest and open,
and I'm afraid if I...

I don't want you
to look at me differently.

Why would I look at you
differently?

Okay.
Can we not do this right now?

I-I can't do this right now.
No, Addison. Stop.

Just stop. All right?
Will you sit down, please?

I've tried not to push.
I've given you plenty of space

and plenty of time,
but--but this is enough.

There's a limit to my Patience,

because I'm understanding,
but I am not a Saint.

♪ Swallowed... ♪

Really? So now you're gonna use
Henry as an excuse?

♪ By the devil's ♪

♪ eyes ♪

♪ cry all... ♪

Violet.

What are you doing here?

Oh, just cleaning up Pete's
locker. Just need a minute.

♪ ...lost ♪

The other half
of your housewarming gift.

Cooper forgot.

Thanks.
It's tea.

Oh, you look exhausted.

Cooper tells me that
you've been working a lot.

I bet that's not all
he tells you.

I am pretty sure you knew
I was knocked up before I did.

Anyway,

if the hospital is
short-staffed,

it is my job to pitch in.

It's also your job
to hire someone.

It's okay.

You can replace Pete.

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ ooh, ooh ♪

Ever since...

You know, after I was r*ped...

He was always there for me.

Here at the hospital,
Pete...

Was like my work husband.

You know, if he was getting
a cup of coffee for himself,

he'd get one for me.

He'd wait the extra ten minutes
it took me

to sign off the E.R. board
so we could eat lunch together.

He looked out for me.

I miss that.

I miss him.

I can't imagine
what this feels like for you.

Oh, I'm okay.
I mean, I have to be,

because I have
a little boy at home

who doesn't know
where his father is.

He keeps asking me,
and I keep coming up with

new ways of explaining it,

but it--it feels like I'm living
with someone with dementia.

I can't even tell you
how many times I've told him,

and...

And every time,
it feels like I'm lying,

because I don't
understand it myself.

And Lucas is just

a 3-year-old boy...

Who wants to know when
he's gonna see his father again.

♪♪♪

Hey, if you k*ll someone,
how do you make it right?

I-I didn't k*ll Pete,
obviously.

This is a--
this is a hypothetical.

Uh...

Well, in a.A.,
making amends is essential.

But sometimes the other party
is gone

or they refuse to forgive us,

so we practice living amends.

What is that?
How do you do that?

Uh, well, you live
the best life that you can,

do good where you can,
help people when you can,

be of service,
try to save lives.

You...

Can't change
what you've done,

but you can change who you are
and improve your life.

It's hard to explain
why living amends work,

but they do.

Somehow they just...

Set you free.

♪♪♪

♪ all ♪

♪ yeah, all ♪

♪ oh, all ♪

♪ is not ♪

♪ lost ♪

Hey, Sam.

Hey, man.

Listen, I, uh,

sorry about your friend Mark.

Yeah. Yeah.
Hell of a week.

Addison's taking it
pretty hard.

She'll be upset
for a while.

No, of course.
I get that, but, uh,

she won't talk to me
about it, so...

I mean, you were all friends
back in the day.

Is that what she said?
We were all friends?

Yeah.

Listen, I-I know this
might sound a little weird,

but can you...

Can you help me out here?

What do you want me to do?

Talk to her.

♪♪♪

That's not my job anymore, man.

♪♪♪

I lie in bed all day,

just waiting for something
to change,

hoping that it's not real.

He was 26 years old.

He was my boy.

He's my only child.

The best thing I've ever done
with my life...

Is gone.

Hey. Are you doing okay?

About Mark?

No.

Between him and Pete,
I'm sad all the time,

and it's probably
not the best thing

to be hiding in the bathroom
crying.

So don't hide.

Just talk about it.

Are you saying
I can talk to you?

I'm saying you could talk...

To your boyfriend about it.

Really, Sam?

Look, not telling Jake
about Mark,

Addison,
that's--that's a problem.

Okay. That is none
of your business.

You're right.
It isn't any of my business,

but Jake is making it
my business.

What?
You keep doing the same thing
over and over and over.

Okay, we both screwed up
our relationships, Sam.

Yes, we both have screwed up
all of our relationships,

which is why I'm telling you

maybe you should do
this one differently.

Are you doing it differently?

I'm--

all right.

Charlotte.

Charlotte.

What? What?

What are you doing here?

No, I get to ask the questions
in this particular situation.

My pregnant wife
doesn't come home?

Oh, you knew I was working.

Yes, I did, which is why
when you didn't answer my texts,

I called the admit desk
every hour

to make sure
someone had seen you alive.

Only half an hour ago,
nobody could find you,

so I made them search,
and then I ran over here,

wondering if you were dead.

What? What is it?

It's my feet. It's just
these damn shoes. I'm fine.

You're not fine. Charlotte!

You are not fine.

Do you know that Pete
went running,

and no one could find him,
and he was dead,

that you were here
late one night

and somebody att*cked you
in your own office?

And I'm supposed to
protect you.

I'm supposed to protect
our children. That is my job.

And I can't do it
if you're not gonna let me.

You are not fine,

so I'm not fine.

Okay, look, I know you don't
want to talk about this anymore,

and if you don't want to get
the biopsy done here,

there are other doctors
I can refer you to.

My father had
prostate cancer.

Yeah, I know.
Your, uh,

your family history
was one of the reasons

why I-I ran the test.

But that doesn't
necessarily--

my father had
prostate cancer.

I mean, that's not what
he d*ed from. It changed him.

From the moment
he was diagnosed,

my father was
a dead man walking.

And he mourned his death
for years.

He gave up.

It was the most depressing thing
I'd ever seen, and...

I don't want that
to happen to me.

It won't.
You don't know that.

I do know that.
No, you don't.

I guess I never saw it before.

I mean, Ricky's doing great.

I'm doing great.

I went to computer school,
changed my life.

It's different. I mean, I'm not
the same guy I was before.

But you're obviously still
carrying around what you did.

Sure, but, you know, i'm
starting to feel so much better.

Well, it's a little soon
for that. Don't you think?

But you said that--

I mean, have you ever really

thought about
the man that you sh*t?

What if he had a family?

What if he had a son?

A son who doesn't understand
why his father left

and is never coming home.

You may have ruined a family,
Adam.

What kind of person can walk
around with that for ten years

and feel okay?

Oh, god. I'm sorry.

Oh, god. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry, Adam.
I'm so sorry.

That was unprofessional.
I apologize.

No. No.
No, you were right.

You're right.
No, I wasn't. I wasn't.

If I'm a m*rder*r,
I gotta know.

No, you don't have to.

There is a reason that
you never tried to find out.

Okay? This is my stuff.
I'm going through something,

and i--and I lost sight of...

I let my needs
blend with yours,

and--and that was wrong.

I was wrong.

Adam, I-I need you to see
a new therapist.

What?

I-I-I will--I'll give you some
names, people I recommend,

but I cannot see you anymore.
I'm not helping you.

Nobody can help me.

If I k*lled him,
I mean, what do I do?

What can I do?

You are already doing it.

You are living your life
differently, better.

You are living your amends,

being a better person,

and that will set you free.

Last month...

Alice passed.

She was my whole world.

I didn't know what to do.

For 50 years,
this woman took care of me,

and then suddenly...

Anyway, I, uh...

I called Jimmy,

and the first thing
he said to me was...

"I really love you, dad,

and I'll be there tonight."

He hadn't said he loved me
since he was a little boy.

And over the past month,
we've gotten closer.

I mean, he has become

a phenomenal young man.

I know I'm supposed to be
grieving, but, uh...

I got my son back.

And maybe I shouldn't say it,
but...

I'm happy.

I'm happy.

Hey.

I brought this for you.

You, uh, you drink tea,
not coffee, right?

Yeah. Thanks.

How are you?
Are you, uh, you okay?

Hey.

What are you,
uh, what are you doing here?

What am I doing
here? What are you doing here?

I told you I needed
to change times.
And I told you I couldn't.

This is
supposed to be my time.

Hello? Guys?

What's going on here?

I believe I owe you this

for the babysitting club
that you organized.

What are you talking about?

Sam and Jake outed you.

I have to admit,
I thought it was a little odd

that everyone
kept bringing me tea.

I said, "bring her tea
or something."

I did not think
they would be so literal.

Sheldon brought me iced tea.

Unfortunately, I hate iced tea.

Violet.

In the beginning,
everyone's there.

But people forget.

You know, life goes on,

or it goes on
for everyone else

even if it's not going on
for you.

I just wanted to make sure
that--

thank you.

I miss Pete.

I know.

Everything is changing.

I know.

So I hired
a new E.R. doc today.

Really?

And in an effort

to be slightly less...

Difficult,
here's the deal--

I will allow you to talk
to my belly once--

once a day.

Okay?

Don't be weird.
I won't.

And don't massage the belly
or rub it or kiss it

like I'm some kind of host
or something.

Okay.

I swear to god,
if you sing, i--
Charlotte.

Hi.

I cannot wait
to meet you guys.

Know that your dad will always
be there for you no matter what

and please know you will always,
always, always be loved.

I said no kissing.

All right, I'm here.

What's so important that you had
to see me in person?

You want a drink?

No. I want to know why
you were such an ass yesterday.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

All right?

My relationships--
I've--I've screwed them all up.

You know, I got in my own way,
and, you know,

I don't want to be the guy
that you're talking about

when you're in bed
with the next guy.

The next guy?

What, did you
already pick him out for me?

No. No. No. No.
That's--that's not what I meant.

Then what did you mean?

♪♪♪

Hey. Hey. Hey.

I... I like you.

Okay?

I like you.

♪ came in
from a rainy Thursday ♪

♪ on the Avenue ♪

♪ I thought I heard
you talking softly ♪

I'd like to talk now.

Can we do that?

♪ I turned on the lights,
the TV ♪

♪ and the radio ♪

I loved Mark Sloan.

♪ ...the ghost of you ♪

And it happened

when I was still married
to Derek, his best friend.

I cheated on my husband
with Mark.

He got me pregnant--

the one time I ever was
or ever will be pregnant.

And I didn't--

I-I couldn't keep it.

I just, uh,

at the time, with him
being the father,

I just couldn't,

you know, which is Karma

for this awful thing
I did to my husband,

who trusted me.

My past is ugly.

It's messy and unflattering,
and...

So if you don't think
you can trust me anymore

or you think I'm a horrible
person because I'm a cheater...

♪ I won't cry ♪

If you want to go,
you should... go.

But do it now because I won't
get any sleep,

wondering if you're gonna do it
in the morning

or in a week or...

♪♪♪

I'm, uh...

I'm processing,
so just give me a minute here.

Um...

♪♪♪

First of all, thank you
for telling me the truth.

I know that was hard.

Second,
you are not a cheater.

You are a person
who once cheated,

and there's a difference.

The third thing I want to say
is that, uh...

I'm sorry.

You're sorry?

A man you loved...

d*ed.

♪♪♪

I'm sorry for your loss.

♪ ...when I need you most? ♪

♪ Gone away ♪

♪ I won't cry for yesterday ♪

♪ there's an ordinary world ♪

♪ somehow I have to find ♪

I am a therapist,

so I am supposed to know
how these things work.

I've counseled people through
the five stages of grief.

You wish you could just
go down the list,

check him off,
know what's coming next,

but, uh, they don't really come
in any particular order.

Some people never experience
any of them.

Some people get stuck in one
for a long time.

♪ On the Avenue ♪

My son is 3,

and he doesn't understand
what's going on.

Intellectually, I get that,

but every time he asks,
"where's daddy?"

I have to remember to breathe.

It's always the same thing.

I tuck him in.

I say "I love you,"
he says, "I love you,"

and then he says "where's
daddy?" And I tell him again.

I'd almost gotten used to it.

But last night was different.

♪ ...that I recognize ♪

Here you go, buddy.

Monkey man
will keep you safe.

Snuggle. Snuggle. Snuggle.

I love you.

I love you, too, mommy.

♪ ...i have to find ♪

I love you, too, daddy.

♪♪♪

My son
has reached acceptance.

He knows his father's
never coming back...

And it breaks my heart.

♪ every one ♪

♪ I don't cry for yesterday ♪

♪ there's an ordinary world ♪

♪ I will learn to survive ♪