03x24 - Chez Vince/Tucked in Mikey

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Recess". Aired: September 13, 1997 - January 16, 2006.*
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Six brave fourth-graders at Third Street School make it their mission to protect the other kids on the playground.
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03x24 - Chez Vince/Tucked in Mikey

Post by bunniefuu »

[bell rings]

[children cheer]

Woah!

Uh!

Ah!

[burp]

[children murmuring]

Liver dogs? Again?

Looks like we got that nasty,
blue-green spinach substitute, too

Ain't that cute?

A bunch of pint-sized food critics.

Ha, too bad their little taste buds
aren't even developed yet.

They're developed enough to know
when something's tender

-and when it whomps!
-Oh, yeah, kid.

Like you could do better.

Blindfolded with one hand
tied behind my back.

[all] Oh.

Do my eyes deceive me,

or did I hear Vince LaSalle
say he could cook?

Attention, everyone!
Vince La-stupid has just announced

he can cook better than the lunch ladies!

and I for one would love to see him try!

[all] Oh.

Oh, yeah, Lawson?
Oh, I'd love to show you.

Vince, I know you accept all challenges,

but you've never even made a sandwich.

Good point, Teej.

As I was saying,
I'd love to show you, Lawson,

but it's against school policy.

Not today it ain't!

Apron up, kid, you're hired.

See, I, uh...

What's the matter, La-sandwich?

Afraid to put your menu
where your mouth is?

Not in a million years, Lawson.
Uh, where's the kitchen?

All right, smart aleck, start cooking!

Oh, yeah, and wear this.
Keeps food out of your hair.

Okay, let's see what kind
of eatums we got around here.

-What's that?
-Meat, mostly.

Ugh! Where do you keep the flavor stuff?

You mean the fixings? Them's over there.

Hmm, what to use?

[sniffs] No.

Ah, yeah.

That oughta do it.

Now let's see what's what.

Nothin' personal, ladies,
but this food is starting to rock!

Yeah? Well, let's just see
what those little piranhas

have to say about that.

[kids murmuring]

Uh, Mikey, would you do the honors?

I guess. I mean, it is food, isn't it?

Oh, no you don't, La-Simmerer!

I'm not falling for that!
Give me that spork!

If anybody's gonna put
that crummy-tasting junk in their mouth,

it's gonna be me!

Rats! This stuff rules!

[kids murmuring]

This cafeteria food is so tasty,

I'm actually savoring it before I swallow.

Game, set, and match to the young chef.

I hope this wasn't our last day
as skilled coworkers.

It doesn't have to be,

but tomorrow I'm gonna need
a whole mess of chickens.

I got a notion.

A little of this...

[sniffs] A little of that and...

Ugh! None of that!

But that's our key ingredient!

"Was," Emmy, "was."

Vince, my man, this is even
better than yesterday.

Wait till you see what's on
tomorrow's menu.

-I can't wait!
-Thanks, Mikey!

No, I really can't wait!
Can I have it now, please?

Olive oil?
But don't the book call for lard?

Now, now, Erma, the book's
a good starting point,

but I've got my own ideas, too.

-But...but...
-Zip it, girl!

Whatever the kid says goes.

[yelling] Hey, where are all you dopes?

Welcome to Chez Vince.
Your bistro on Third.

How many in your party, your majesty?

One today, garçon, and park them nearby.

Very good! Right this way.

Four by the window, garçon.

I'm sorry, ladies. Nothing
is available by the window.

We do have something
near the kitchen which might suit you.

Ugh! What about that table?

I'm sorry, that's Hustler Kid's table.

But he's like totally absent today!

It's still Hustler Kid's table.

I see. Four by the window it is.

So I say,
"of course I can suspend your boy,

I'm the principal."

Ha, ha! Tender, sir, tender.

May I do it next time?

Freshly brewed coffee.
Compliments of the chef.

Send him my compliments,
on a splendid, splendid meal.

Man! This "Chez Vince" thing is great!

Well, we always said
we'd get our own place one of these days.

Yeah, but who would've thought
it would be in fourth grade?

I got a feeling the doors to Chez Vince
will be open

through fourth grade and beyond.

Sacre bleu! What is the meaning of this?

And you are?

I am the great master chef Pierrot,

from the teacher's lounge!

Out of my way, you little turnip of a man!

Monsieur Prickly, this is an insult!

You slap my face with a cold, wet fish!

How bad can my food be that you prefer

to eat in this... this cafeteria?

[savoring]

And look at you, so satisfied.

I have never seen you like this!

[harp music plays]

Not bad. Where is the chef?

Chef Vince is in the kitchen,
preparing dessert.

Chef Vince? Rings no bells.

He's just the best darn kickballer
in the fourth grade.

Fourth grade?! C'est impossible!

Take me to him at once!

Hey, you there, chef Vince!

Tell me now as I ask you this.
Where did you study?

I don't know,
for last week's spelling test,

I studied over at Mikey's house.

His mom makes the best grub.

This word "grub"...
you will never use it again!

Now tell me, who taught you to cook?

Nobody taught me,
I got some ideas from the cookbook,

but the rest is like... it's like--

A feeling?

Yeah, that's right. It's like a feeling.

You have the gift!

Properly nurtured,
you will become a great chef!

Take off that apron,
and that silly mesh monstrosity!

And now you will come with me!

-[sniffling]
-You crying 'cause you're gonna miss him?

No, I'm crying 'cause I didn't
write down any of his recipes.

Behold... your new playground!

It's so clean!

You will learn to prepare the most
amazing feasts imaginable.

Some day, Vincenzo,

you will cook for queens and congressmen,

the rich and the famous,
and their hangers-on.

Tender, chef P.

Wow! So Vince is getting taught stuff
by a real-life chef.

He looks like the chef
on the can of beefy Meataronios.

I get hungry just looking at him!

Hey, buddy, chef Pierrot showed you

any tricks we can use
at Chez Vince tomorrow?

Sorry, guys, but Chez Vince is history.

-What?
-Was there a fire?

Yeah, Vince. What gives?

Look, you guys are free to keep
serving stuff in the cafeteria,

but from now on
I'm working with chef Pierrot.

Perhaps we can move Chez Vince
to the teacher's lounge.

It's a "chefs-only-type" operation.

Pierrot doesn't like
boys and girls in his kitchen.

Sorry, guys, but now
I gotta go study for a soufflé test.

What is chef Pierrot doing to Vince?

Did you say, "chef Pierrot"?

I remember the last kid
chef Pierrot took a shine to.

Name was Henry... Nice, normal kid,
just like everybody else.

That is, until chef Pierrot tasted
one of henry's meatloaf sandwiches.

What happened to him?

Ever hear of a place called France?

You mean the European country?

Sounds right. Anyway,
that's where they sent Henry

to perfect his natural gift.

You think chef Pierrot's angling
on sending Vince to France?

You better hope not, 'cause
once Henry went to France,

-nobody ever saw him again.
-Never?

One question, Butch...

How did chef Pierrot know
that Henry was good enough?

He passed some kind of a test.

-A soufflé test?
-That's the one!

Alas, Vince knows not where he's bound!

Guys, we need to find out
when that test is gonna be,

and stage a little soufflé surprise.

[Pierrot] Marvelous job,
my petite protégé.

Your soufflé looks exquisite!

It would appear that
the soufflé has reached critical loft.

Remember though beautiful and tasty,
a soufflé is delicate.

A single loud noise could bring it down.

OK, Mikey, ready the lunch sack.

Now get into position,

and as soon as that soufflé
comes by, pop the bag!

This evening, we will serve this soufflé
to superintendent Skinner.

If he approves, and how could he not,

you will be sent
to the cordon rouge in France,

to study with the great chefs of Europe!

France, the European country?

-The very one.
-All right!

I've always dreamed of going to France!
Whoo-hoo!

Vince wants to go to France.

Vince liking France?
I would have never figured.

Oh, man, we gotta stop Mikey!

Members of the faculty,

principal Prickly,
and our highly esteemed guest,

superintendent Skinner.

It is my pleasure to present
my most enlightened pupil,

Vincenzo and his soufflé!

No, no, no, quietly, quietly.
It is a soufflé.

Mikey, what are you doing here?

Please forgive me, Vince,
but I do this for your future.

-No!
-Whoa!

My soufflé!

No!

Prickly, I'm amused that you've hired
circus people to serve us,

but it won't buy your student any points.

This wasn't some circus act,
superintendent Skinner.

These are my friends,
or at least I thought they were.

What do you guys think you're doing?

We were planning on spoiling your soufflé

'cause we heard they were gonna
ship you off to France.

But then we found out
you actually wanted to go, so we...

Ah, what's the use? Bon voyage, buddy.

Now, without further interruption...

Testez-vous, s'il vous plaît.

I wonder how it went.

Prickly, I must say,
that's the best soufflé I've ever had.

That Vincenzo will make a fine chef.

I've always said that about him, sir.

You hear that, guys?
Skinner loved Vince's soufflé.

Then I guess Vince is headed for France.

I miss him already!

Vince is doing what he wants to do.

That's right Gretch,
so I guess we should be happy for him,

even if it makes us feel lousy.

Yeah, well,
I just hope they got kickball over there.

Hey, guys! Thanks for waiting for me.

No problem, Vince, or Vincenzo.

Congratulations! I guess.

Yeah, we heard they loved your soufflé.

-Yeah, they did.
-Then bonne chance.

Remember us when you're in France.

No problem Mikey, that is,
whenever I get around to going to France.

What are you talking about, Vince?

See, after you guys nearly spoiled
my soufflé,

I got to thinking,
"I'm just a kid. I got plenty of time

to get good at stuff.
Why should I give up everything

just for one thing I'm good at?"

Especially if it means
giving up my friends.

So, you're not going to France?

Nah, not right now.

Right now I think I'm gonna go to Kelso's.

But only if you guys can come with me.

-What do you say?
-[all] Oui.

[Mikey] And what to my wondering eyes
should appear, but a tree.

A tree, a tree, I'm free...
to stay on my diet

of peace and quiet.

[speaker feedback]

Attention, students, I'm happy to announce

that the school district
has chosen to honor

a member of my school...
[clears throat]

...our school,
as the first-ever poet laureate

for the entire school district.

Congratulations, Mikey Blumberg.

-[all murmuring]
-Thank you, principal Prickly.

Student Blumberg will receive a medal

from superintendent Skinner
at a schoolwide ceremony this Friday.

The medal will, of course, be placed
on permanent display

-in my outer office. That is all.
-[speaker disconnecting]

Let's hear it for our pal, Mikey!

[all] Yay!

Congratulations, Mikey.
That's comically spherical.

Deceive me not, oh, jolly ears.

'Tis an honor we dreamers dream of.

Mikey's been in principal Prickly's
office a long time.

They're probably getting
their pictures taken or something.

The big cheese loves posing
with the winners.

Here he comes now!

So, Mikey, how did it go?

Principal Prickly offered me immortality.

He's developed some kind of serum?

No, T.J., he's going to give me a medal.

That's excellent!

But before I can get my medal,

I have to assemble everything
I've ever written,

to be bound for the archives,

and compose a keynote poem
for the ceremony.

And I have to do it all by Friday.

What you need is some hoops.

Ah, hoops, dribbling the sacred bean.

But, alas, I have too much to do.

-Come on, Mikey!
-Sorry, friends,

but if I hope to be ready by Friday,

I must start gathering
my life's work right now.

Guys, remind me never to win anything

that cuts down on my court time.

Form XJ, red folder.

It may not be glamorous, but it's home.

Hello, Menlo, I'm here
to deliver my body of work.

Yes, I was warned.

I've set up an area over there.

Oops!

Can't you see I'm working here?

It was an accident,
and I'm very, very sorry.

Yes, I'm sure you are,

and it's your complete lack
of organization

that will leave you apologizing
for most of your days.

-Sorry.
-Now put your work in its proper place.

I don't need you disrupting

the most efficient filing system
this school has ever seen.

Wow! They make a rainbow!

Purely a byproduct of efficiency.

I wish I could be organized like you.

You might start by tucking in that shirt.

But why?

Organize your appearance,
and your mind will follow.

Better, but something's missing.

No, that isn't right. Ah, that'll clash.

Excellent! This goes
with your mustard stain.

Thank you, Menlo. It's most becoming.

Well, it's a start.

But what about all my work?

I have to put my poems
in chronological order,

and compose a new poem by Friday.

First things first, structure in your day
leads to structure in your work.

And I have just the thing
to get you structured.

Wow! I've never had my own
"Wilmco look-ahead" before.

Easy big boy, that's a training model.

If this works out, maybe I'll upgrade you

to the executive model,
like mine... maybe.

It's pretty!

It's efficient.

This baby comes fully loaded,
double-columned, week per page,

with a foldout, prioritized "to-do" list.

Are you up to the challenge?

I'm not sure.

Fortunately, I am. Let's begin.

Oh...

Another stanza composed.

Enough musing! Write!

This isn't how I usually work.

But then again,
This is an unusual situation.

That's sort of like musing!

Kickball!

Kickball? Is it on the schedule?

"Composing, musing, composing... kickball"

Oh, joy!

-I got it!
-No, I got it!

[Mikey] Actually, I've got it.

I've never seen you make
a catch like that before!

Usually, you're off
in your own kooky world,

thinking about grass
and flowers, and junk!

According to my schedule,
it's time for kickball,

So I focus on kickball.

Good schedule.

Go, Mikey!

Whoa! When Mikey concentrates,
he's downright me-like.

I've gotta get me one of those schedules.

Looks like I'm gonna have
to start pitching Mikey

a little differently.

Hey, Menlo, did you see my homer?

I see that it's :, mister.

Kickball time ended
a whole two minutes ago.

But the game's not over yet!

Menlo's right.
I must concentrate on my work.

My! Mikey is certainly
full of surprises today.

He was sort of Vince-like even.

Those kids have
an utter lack of structure.

No wonder their lives
are in such disarray.

Hey, Mikey! They've got your
favorite surprise today.

Fun with fish!

The poet laureate in training

needs a meal free
from childish distractions.

Childish distractions?

We always have lunch with Mikey.
It's been that way since first grade.

Certainly, organization
can respect tradition.

Not this week it can't.

Listen, Menlo,
no one comes between me and my...

Friends, you know
I want to spend time with you.

How about I pencil you in
sometime next week?

Say, a power-snack?

Sure, Mike, if that's what you want.

I don't care if he is
a better kickball player.

I miss the old, goofy Mikey.

Ever since he got that "look-ahead,"
he just isn't fun anymore.

On the other hand,
if organization can do for his poetry

what it's done for his kickball,

his newest poem will surely be
his best poem yet.

Mikey's rehearsing his poem
this afternoon.

I say we let him know
his friends are behind him.

[all in agreement]

[clears throat]

"The birds and the flowers,"
by Mikey Blumberg.

Now, that sounds like the old Mikey.

At precisely :, my eyes
observed exactly one butterfly,

hovering inches above
flowers of varying hues.

At :, my ears received
information regarding a bird

that was producing a song-like noise
for seconds.

At :, I decided to record
these observations and did so

in this, the poem I call,
"The birds and the flowers."

Very good. Five-minute break.

That doesn't sound like Mikey,
'cause "A", it didn't rhyme,

and "", it didn't embarrass me.

Your observations, while accurate,
fail to account

for the most salient fact.

That was the worst poem
Mikey's ever written.

It's the worst poem I've ever heard!

Come on. We gotta talk to him.

Oh, it's you people again.

-We need to see Mikey.
-Regarding?

We need to talk to him
about that awful poem.

That, Mr. Detweiler,
is the poet laureate's keynote poem.

I supervised its composition myself.

I knew it! You ruined our friend Mikey!

Ruined him? On the contrary, I saved him.

Superior organization,
highly structured ideas--

Look, Menlo, I may not know art,
but I know that poem stinks.

Perhaps it's not his finest work,
but he did write it in record time.

That's it, Menlo,
you know that poem's a dud.

We all know organization rocks,
but too much of it

took the rhyme and joy right out of Mikey!

Is it my fault he took to scheduling
like peanut butter takes to jelly?

[both] Yes!

OK, I know the poem's bad.

I was just praying that like
all art, it was over my head.

Now that I have spoken to you,
I can see that I was mistaken.

I guess you can talk to him,
but he only has one minute.

-Menlo?
-Or as long as you want!

Hey, Mikey!

You're disrupting
my quiet concentration time.

See?

Mikey, it's us.

I'm sorry, T.J.,

but if I deviate from
a carefully planned schedule,

can utter chaos be far behind?

-But...but...
-Please!

Tomorrow's a big day for me.
Now, I must take my leave!

If Mikey reads that poem tomorrow,
he'll... he'll--

Stink up the joint?

Right! And we can't let that happen
to our friend.

It's too late now.
Mikey has every minute booked.

And as you've seen, he won't do anything
that isn't on the schedule.

And that's where you come in, Menlo.

[crowd murmuring]

We're so pleased you chose
to recognize a student from my school.

I always encourage each
and every one of my children,

or kids as I call them,
to express themselves.

Pipe down out there!

Let's see... hair, styled,
gelled, and immovable... check.

Tie, nice and tight... check.

Organize your appearance
and your mind will follow.

Hey, look! Is that a butterfly outside?

Menlo, please, mindful observation time
isn't for another two hours.

But it is the th butterfly
you've seen this week.

Well, I am seconds ahead of schedule.

I suppose I could record quick data
for future poetic inspirations.

Exactly where it's supposed to be.

Everything looks splendidly organized.
Well, good luck.

Thank you, Menlo.

[crowd murmuring]

Ladies and gentlemen,

I am proud to introduce to you
the poet laureate

of the entire school district.
My very own Mikey Blumberg,

who will now recite for us
his keynote poem.

[applause]

That's Mikey?

-But his hair!
-His tie.

-His shirt.
-He looks so... so... together!

Thank you all for making time
in your busy schedules

for this event.

"Smile at the audience."

Check. Now, "clear...

...throat authoritatively." Ahem!

Check.

"Rip up poem."

[both] Check!

Oh, no!

Say, Prickly, what's that boy doing?

[nervously] Uh, performance art?

Who?

My friends! How could they do this to me?

The finest minds of my grade
have betrayed me!

-Prickly, this is highly unusual.
-I know, sir.

These... these so-called friends!

Oh, whoa... alack and so on!

I'm at a loss to go on.

Such a terrible deal, it makes me feel,

it makes me feel...

Indeed, it makes me feel.

Oh, such feelings I had long forgotten.

The poem I wrote, oh, it was rotten.

So what if I'm disorganized?

I don't need planners
or these clip-on ties.

Were it not for my friends,
I might not have known.

what makes me special,
I might not have shown!

[all cheering]

Which is why I call this,
the poem most dear to my heart,

"Ode to my friends". Including Menlo.

[all cheering]

That's the most beautiful thing
I've ever heard.

[Spinelli] Pretty cool medal, Mike-O.

You should be proud of yourself, Mikey.

Thank you all for reuniting
the passion in my soul,

even if you did trick me.

You just needed a little lightening up,
is all.

Now if only we could get Menlo
to lighten up.

Spinelli, Menlo is one guy
that'll never lighten up.

♪ Stand, stand behind the line

♪ Of yellow color, so straight and fine ♪

♪ Waste, waste, I'll not condone ♪

♪ Procedures I'll provide you ♪

Oh, my!

[bell rings]
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