03x31 - The C Note/Big Ol' Mikey

[bunniefuu]

[bell rings]

[children cheering]

Wha!

Ah!

[burp]

What the...

Legal tender.

You better have a good reason
for dragging us over here, Teej.

There's kickball going on,
and my foot's itchy.

Trust me, Vince. I have a good reason.
Looky what I found.

Whoa! Pretty!

A high note in envelope ornamentation.
Now can we play?

I didn't call you over
to look at the envelope.

-Good thing.
-It's what's inside the envelope.

Don't tell me we all forgot your birthday.
Please don't tell me that.

Relax Gus, and just behold.

Whompin' bobula.

That's an ever-loving "C" note.

It looks more like
a $ dollar bill to me, Spinelli.

Same diff, Mikey, but split it
six ways, and we're rich!

[all cheering]

What are we going to do
with all those smackeroonies?

Well, Gretch, I've got a couple of ideas.

I'm going to use the money
to buy a skyscraper or a rocket.

Here's the tender part. Either way,
I'm doing my shopping in a jet pack.

Kid stuff. I'm using my share to start
the world's coolest sport.

It will be a combination of pro-wrestling
and bowling I call "Strikeout."

Of course, I'll referee
things from my jet pack.

Interesting notions, Spinelli
but I plan to use my unexpected windfall

to help others, by researching
and curing all disease.

Yes, it worked!

-[all cheering]
-Eureka! This is fantastic!

I did it! I found the cure!

Of course, I'll use a jet pack
to survey the beautiful world I've saved.

That sounds wonderful Gretchen,
but there's only one way

I would spend this fortuitous fortune.

I'll pay off my tab at Kelso's, and then
I'll give Mr. Kelso a ride on my jet pack!

Wow-wee!

About time you paid up, Mikey.

Well, I'm a rich kid who likes the sea.

I'm going to get the most beautiful yacht
I can find and sail it all over the world.

And I'll never have to dock it.

I'll just fly to it on my J.P.

Classy, Vince. Very classy.

I will build a better jet pack.

I'll even test-pilot it myself.

Whoa! How do I stop this thing?

Or maybe I'll just buy stickers.

Oh, the many ways we'll find
to spend this money.

How lucky we are that somebody lost it.

Hey, wait a sec. Mikey's right.
Somebody lost it.

And we found it.

-And now we have to return it.
-Say who? I want my yacht.

Look guys, we all want stuff,
but I never want to feel bad.

If I can help it.

If I kept someone else's money,
I'd feel rotten, and so would you guys.

T.J.'s right. It's not ours to spend,
even for world health.

Goodbye, bowling ring.

Come on then, let's ask around
and find out who lost this.

But don't ask directly, because some kids
would do anything for a "C" note.

I know.
I'm one of them.

How deliciously moist.

Hello, diggers. Have you by any chance
lost a fortune lately?

I shall take that as a "no".

So, I imagine with gravity
working against you,

it must be difficult to keep
objects in your pockets,

like money, for instance?
Clever.

Did you lose a "C" note?

Did you lose a "C" note?

None of the kids I talked to lost it.

I bet if any kid lost that much money,
he'd be bawling his eyes out now.

Heck! I'd probably do it
when they give it back.

Oh, woe is me.

What misfortune has befallen you, Randall?

I've lost my parents' money.
They gave me a $ bill

to take to the bank after school,
and I've lost it.

Oh, woe is me.

Fear not, temerous Randall.
I think T.J. found your money.

No! Could this be true?

I found it and if I knew it was yours,
I would have returned right away.

Just give me it.

Wait a second, zappy.
If your "C" note is in this envelope,

maybe you can tell us all
whose picture's on it?

Ha ha. Um, Señor Fusion?

No, silly. It's jolly old Ben Franklin.

Didn't you even look
at your parents' "C" note?

Mikey, it's not his money.

Oh, I see. I'm very
disappointed in you, Randall.

-Now, get lost, monkey!
-Oh, well. can't blame a kid for trying.

I hate to say this but it's time
to start asking the grownups.

-Now, where to start?
-Why not at the top?

Of course!
Principal Prickly must be loaded!

I bet he makes hundreds of dollars a year.

Wait guys, I better ask him myself
the two of us have an understanding.

Hiya, Principal Prickly.

Ah, it's you.
Well, what are you in for this time?

It's not like that, sir.
I was just wondering, what would you do

if you lost $?

Fire my broker! If that's all you needed
to know would it be asking too much

for you to leave and let me work?

Usually, but I can't dally.
I'm working on a good deed.

-Try to leave the building standing.
-I always do, sir.

, , ...

Pardon us, Miss Finster, but did you
by any chance lose a $ bill?

Let me see.

-[all] Whoa!
-Look at all that!

Nope. All there.

Are you sure it's safe to keep all
that money in your purse?

Why, yes, I am, Gus.
Yes, I am.

T.J. and his friends are trying
to give back money?

But that's absolutely un-american.

I know! But those kids are mixed up enough
to do it.

This cannot, like, stand. Come on, girls.

T.J., we need to talk.
join us in our clubhouse.

-I'm busy right now, ladies.
-We've just refreshed our candy spa.

I guess I got a minute.

Well, thank you, ladies.
This is mighty nice of you.

-T.J. we know about the money.
-What money?

Like, the $ bill.

That money! It's quite a fortune,
but it's not mine, so I got to return it.

Haven't you heard of finders
keepers? It's like the law.

Yes, T.J. you're a man of means now.

And you like owe it to your class
to keep the money.

Class, huh?

T.J. Detweiler, welcome to the good life.

Ever see one of these, T.J.?

The $ million bar! Nobody I know
eats those they're twice as expensive

as the other candy bars!

From now on, this is
the only candy bar for you.

That was, like, easy.

Now that you're one of us, let's...

One of you.

Yeah. I thought you might want to share
a giggle over those less fortunate...

One of you.

Like those kids you used to hang out with.

One of you?
I'll never be one of you!

And another thing,
you paid too much for that candy bar!

I'm getting out of here, and as I play
and breathe I'm returning that "C" note.

Nouveaux.

Where were you, Teej?

-Somewhere I'll never go again.
-The girls room?

Worst, Mickey way worst.
Now what do we know?

It´s reasonably concluded that no one
at third street lost the money.

Looks like we're keeping it!

Nope. After school check the local
bulletin boards and circulars.

Someone's lost a fortune,
and they've got to be looking for it.

-There's nothing on the bulletins board
-Nada in the newsletter.

A great big goose egg
in the Grant Street Gazette.

I'm not getting any answers here.

Maybe you're not asking
the right questions.

-What you're talking about, Gretch?

Maybe instead of asking who is looking
for the money.

We should be asking who in town
is rich enough to lose

a vast sum of money
and not be looking for it?

I can't think of anybody that rich.

Read all about it!

[all] Thaddeus T. Third V!

Of course! He's the richest mansy-scransy
in town.

Gee, if you ask me
this place is creepy.

Gus has a point.

I say we keep the $.

I mean, if it is the Third's,
he won't miss it.

He must have dozens of hundreds.

Heck! I bet he flosses with them.

I'm going in there. If this "C" note
belongs to Third, he's getting it back.

It's the right thing to do.

-Yes?
-Oh, um, howdy.

-Howdy
-I'd like to see Mr. Fifth, please.

I believe you mean Mr. Third.

Right, right. Mr. Third. I think
I have something that belongs to him.

Follow me.

OK, he's doomed.

What makes you say that?

Come one guys! Big mansion,
scary butler guy, do the math.

He's probably already
fallen through a trap door.

Yeah, and gotten strapped
into some laboratory bed.

And he's even now being
forced to respond candidly

to a battery of deeply personal questions.

I'll make three points
about what's going on...

One, T.J. has just entered a mansion.

Frightening stuff traditionally
happens in castles.

Two, this street isn't zoned
for human experimentation.

And three, T.J. has no deeply personal
issues to be asked about.

We can safely assume T.J.
is receiving praise and thanks

from our school's greatest benefactor.

Or Gretchen could be right.

[clears throat] Presenting master...

T.J. Detweiler... the, um, only.

You have something for me?

I think so, your sir-ship.

Ah, yes. I was hoping this would turn up.
You can go now.

There. You see, he's fine.

So, what happened?
Was it his?

-Yep.
-Where's the reward?

-Didn't get one. He hardly said a word.
-You're kidding.

-He didn't even say, "thanks, kid"?
-Nope.

See? We never should have given
the "C" back to Three.

No, Spinelli, we did the right thing.
That'll last longer than any

"Thanks, kid" ever could.

[engine overhead]

For such a ritzy neighborhood,
they sure have a noise problem.

Greetings, youngsters.

[all] Thaddeus T. Third V!

-The same. You...
-Me, sir?

You are a very special young man.

He is. He's not even mad
about you not saying thanks.

Thanks wouldn't have been enough.

Boys and girls, I leave envelopes
like the one you found

all over town, but you kids
were the first to try to return it.

And of course, behavior such as yours

should be recognized and rewarded.

So I'm taking all of you and your families
for a weekend of fun

at Sasparilla Springs Action Park
and Roller Disco, which I own.

[cheering]

But before we finalize the arrangements,
who wants a ride on my jet pack?

[all] Me! Me!

Now that sounds like
the right thing to do.

LaSalle has the ball again.
He's ready to sh**t.

Is anybody going to steal the ball?
I really don't think so.

It's just too easy.

-It's stuck.
-That's okay. I'll get it down in no time.

[grunts]

Man, where is Mikey when you need him?

[crying]

There now, Cornchip Girl. It's okay.
Sure you scraped your knee,

but it's only by stumbling
we learn and grow.

Gee, Mikey. I feel better already.
You always have such a good attitude.

I don't know how you do it.

Why, it's all thanks to my mood compass,

which I keep close to my heart.

Whenever I'm feeling sad or frightened,

it always points me back to true joy.

That's neat.

[Vince] Yo, Mikey, a little help.

Excuse me.

Hey, Mikey, would you mind
getting our ball down for us?

I would be happy to.

[all] Whoa.

I wish I was as tall as you are, Mikey.

Maybe someday you will be, Gus.

There's no telling what the future holds,
besides rainbows and happiness.

Man, that would be cool if you could tell

how tall you were going
to be in the future.

That's an intriguing premise, friends.

Tallness is determined by genetics
and environment.

I'll wager I can compile data about both
and devise a growth model

that would tell us how big we're going
to be when we get bigger.

Alright, I did some research last night,
and I believe I've done it.

With the aid of Galileo, your future
height is diagnostic questions away.

Are you ready, Galileo?

I'm positively atwitter with curiosity.

Let's begin. Gus, let's hook you up first.

Yes, the Gusmeister,
first at last!

Hey, what are those for?

They'll monitor your bioelectric field
and actually gauge your cranial growth

while you answer a few personal questions.

Hey, I look cool like a robot.

Now for some vital statistics.
Your height, your weight,

your father's height and weight,
your mother's height and weight,

and age in days, please.

Your most frequent vacation destination
and favorite winter vegetable.

Root beer rapids
and the lip-smacking pickled beet.

There we go. Galileo, your answer, please?

Congratulations, Gus.
According to our computations,

you will grow to be '" tall
and as husky as a cornfield.

'"?
That's just like my dad.

Wire up my face, Gretch. I'm going next.

Good for you, Vince.
'".

That should do just fine.

Well, Spinelli,
how does '" sound to you?

'" plus two.
It's more than I'll ever need.

Ah, T.J., how fantastic for you.
You'll be '".

I got a plan already.

Just one moment, Mikey.
I almost have your answer.

Oh, don't hurry, Galileo.
I'm not even sure I want to know.

Holy formula, within one year's time,
you will have reached a height of feet!

But that's much larger
than a normal boy is supposed to grow!

Yes, Mikey, it is, and though such
a figure seems impossible,

it appears to be correct.

-Whoa!
-Congratulations, man.

Congratulations?
Why should I be happy

that I'm going to be
a freakishly enormous person?

They're going to put you in "Raleigh's
register of rip-roaring records."

Not only that. Just think of what it'll do
for your game.

Hey, guys, Bumbleberg is up next.

Easy out. Everyone move in.

[all laughing]

Hello, jolly sportsmen.

Oh, man. I forgot he was feet big.

Ugh!

[yelling]

Now that is going to be cool.

Agreed, Vince, that will be cool.

However, I spent a whole lot of school
nights considering this very possibility,

and here's the way I see it.

Hello, T.J. it's a delightful degrees
with nothing but clear weather

all the way to dinosaur
earthquake gold mine.

I believe you have clearance for takeoff.

Let her rip, Mikey!

Yee-ha!

And it only gets better from there.

It sure does. For instance,
you like entertaining people,

don't you, Mikey?

Why, yes, I do, Spinelli.
I like to sing and recite poetry.

Well, forget about that junk,
because a year from now...

You'll be getting jumped over
by a thrill-seeking crazy guy

on a motorcycle.

[crowd cheering]

Make it a pay-per-view event,
and we're talking major bucks.

Don't you guys realize?

I mean, sure, Mikey will be able to do
all that great stuff,

but, heck, the best thing is he's going
to go down in history

just like Paul Bunyan.

Ha ha ha!

[moos]

Mikey will be the second most famous giant
American hero who ever really lived!

Uh, Gus, Paul Bunyan wasn't real.

Oh, OK, Spinelli.

I think the implications of Mikey's growth
are even larger than we imagine.

Why, with his enormous size,
he could gain acceptance

into a pod of elusive blue whales
and decipher the hauntingly

mysterious language.

[whales singing]

[chirping]

I'd be happy to help with matters
of enunciation and syntax, of course.

Thank you, Gretchen, and thank you all.

When I first heard I was going
to be fantastically enormous,

I wasn't sure how I felt about it,

but now I think it will be
a dream come... Whoa!

-Ow!
-Hey!

Easy, boy, easy.

Hey, Blubblesaurus, you big, giant doofus,

you almost smashed
the whole entire playground.

You're dangerous to humanity.

Come on, guys. Let's go before
he flattens us again.

Hey, Mikey, don't pay
any attention to Lawson.

Yeah, he's just a jerk.

Besides, when you're feet tall,
you can crush him like a bug.

Oh, Spinelli, I would never do that...

or would I?

I'm starting to wonder.

[Spinelli] Crush him like a bug.

[Lawson] You big, giant doofus.

[boy] You're dangerous to humanity...

humanity, humanity...

[humming]

-Mmm, bacon.
-Ah!

Don't resist or I shall crush you.

Run for your lives!
It's the mutant monster blumberg boy!

Ah!

It's Mikey!

[people screaming]

You will listen to my poetry,
but first I shall destroy your puny city.

[burps]

[siren wails]

It's true! Mikey is tearing
apart the whole city!

He's too big to be grounded.
He can get away with anything he wants to.

Warning, kids. According to my estimates,
we'd better get out of here.

Not so fast, Galileo.
We got one hope left.

Hey, El Mike-o Grande, this is T.J.
talking. Stop wrecking stuff and listen.

Hello, T.J.

Mikey, the junk you're doing is wrong.

I know you're scared,
but we're here to help you.

I mean, heck, we're your friends.

And the way I see it, helping each other
is what friends are all about.

[roars]

I have no use for friends.

I'm bigger than all of you put together.

[roars]

-Galileo...
-Be brave, Gretchen. The others need you.

[groans]

[crying] No!

That tears it.

Dad, go ahead. Bring him down.

Fire!

[Mikey screaming]

Hey, you big doofus,
you're messing up my...

[boys scream]

I must be stopped!

Man, I don't know about you guys,
but last night I came up

with a whole new list
of cool stuff Mikey can do when he's huge.

Me too. I can't wait
to tell Mikey my plans.

Where is that future skyscraper anyway?

Look!

Hey yo, Mikey. What are you doing
in there?

I'm saving the world from destruction.

-Say huh?
-These bars will contain my growth

and act as my prison so I can't
wreak havoc upon mankind.

What are you talking about? It's not like
you're going to be a monster.

No one can ground me.
The police can never catch me.

There's nothing to keep me
from turning bad.

Forevermore, let this cage be home
to the beast I shall become.

Huh?

Ah!

Mankind will be far better off
with me trapped behind these bars.

Help! Somebody help me!

Ah!

No!

Oh.

Don't be frightened. You're safe now.

Boy, thanks, Mikey.
It's a good thing you're so tall.

And, hey, you used
your height for goodness.

Why, yes, I did, didn't I?

So, maybe this monster mumbo jumbo
was a bunch of hooey.

Saving a young girl doesn't seem like
something a destructive giant would do.

Destructive giant?
I'm sorry, but that's pretty silly.

You could never be destructive,
even if you were a giant.

-Why do you say that?
-As far as I'm concerned,

your heart is already
as giant as it can be.

And you know I always say,
it's the size of your heart that matters,

no matter how big you are.

Oh, Cornchip Girl, you're very tiny,
but you speak with great wisdom.

I have help, like my
handy-dandy mood compass.

Of course, my mood compass.

Wait a minute, Mikey. You wear a compass
around your neck?

Why, yes, Gretchen. With my mood compass,
true joy lies in every direction.

That explains everything.
the magnet in your compass

might have thrown off the probes used
when I administered your growth test.

Then Mikey might not turn
into a giant after all?

He might or he might not.
There's only one way to tell.

Mikey, if you'll remove your mood compass,
I'd be happy to retest you.

You know what, Gretchen?
I know who I am.

As for how tall I'm going to be,
let's just let that be a big surprise.