03x36 - Recess is Cancelled/Tattletale Heart

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Recess". Aired: September 13, 1997 - January 16, 2006.*
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Six brave fourth-graders at Third Street School make it their mission to protect the other kids on the playground.
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03x36 - Recess is Cancelled/Tattletale Heart

Post by bunniefuu »

[bell rings]

[children cheer]

Waah!

Ah!

[burps]

This is bad, Garrison, very bad.

Yes, Mr. President, it is bad,
but the studies don't lie.

Elementary school standardized test scores

are falling all across
this great land of ours.

Hmm. Other nation-states might get ideas.

I cannot have that, not on my watch.

I was supposed to be the smart president.

Recommendations, Mr. Secretary?

Just one, sir, cancel recess.

It's a waste of valuable time.

Our youngsters could be using
those precious minutes to learn more.

Cancel recess, huh?

That's a mighty tall order
particularly in an election year.

Other nation-states, sir.

All right, do it, but start small.

Choose a pilot school to test your theory.

My thoughts exactly, Mr. President.

The SAL supercomputer
is making a purely random selection

as we speak.

-[intercom buzzes]
-Oh, shanked it.

This better not be
some impertinent parent.

[Prickly]
What is it, Miss Lemon?

[Lemon] The secretary of schools
on line one for you.

The secretary of schools?

Hello, Mr. Secretary. Peter Prickly here.

You can't see me, sir, but I'm saluting.

Whatever. Listen, Prickly,
your country needs you.

[laughs]
I always knew this call would come.

I'll be on the next plane to Washington.

Relax, Prickly. Your country needs you
right where you are.

-Oh.
-Here's the point, prickly.

We believe unnecessary recess
is causing test scores to drop.

To find out, we've selected your school

to eliminate recess
and monitor test scores.

But, Mr. Secretary,
my school's test scores

are already up there among the very best.

Don't be dumb, Prickly.

I know that, but other people don't.

We'll simply release
only the final test results.

That way my program
is sure to seem like a smashing success.

-Mr. Secretary, you are a clever man.
-I know.

I don't get it, Gus.

How could those high-tension wires
out by the tracks

possibly protect the town
from a giant robot att*ck?

I'm with Teej.
If they're coming, we're toast.

No, guys, it's simple.

The high-tension wires
could short the giant robots,

causing a giant robotic pileup.

From there, it would be child's play

for our top scientists
to fully disable them.

I don't know about the rest of you guys,

but I'll be sleeping
a whole lot easier tonight.

Ditto. Hey, it's recess.

Let's run around a little
before we have to go back inside.

[blows whistle]

Front and center, now!

[children murmuring]

Principal Prickly will now address you.

What's Prickly want with us?

I don't know. Isn't he usually working
in a short game around now?

Alright, listen up.

I just got off the phone
with Washington, D.C.

We at Third Street School
have been given an opportunity

to be part of a grand experiment.

Wow, maybe we get to taste test
the new expanded lunch menu.

Our school has been selected
to lead the nation into the future.

We're on the cutting edge
of all that is new.

Think of yourselves as pint-sized pioneers

or little mop-topped astronauts.

Forgive me, principal prickly, but,
are you trying to say--

Maybe that we've been-- That is--

Sir, is one of us going up
on the next space shuttle?

Not quite, young lady.

The only place any of you
are going is back inside.

Because by order
of the secretary of schools,

recess is canceled.

-[exclamations]
-No!

Yes. Congratulations. Now get inside.

Uh, let's go. You heard your principal.

Recess is, uh, canceled.

-[children murmuring]
-Somebody hold me.

Operation Recess Recall is begun.

[ticking]

Oh, that's right. There won't be a bell.

There's no recess.

[children groan]

Man, this whomps. I say we rise up
and take back the minutes a day

that's rightfully ours.

Yeah, come on, Teej.
You've gotta have a plan.

Not this time, guys.
Normally I don't mind bending a few rules,

to advance our cause,
but this time you're asking me

to be unpatriotic, and that I will not do.

Oh. Excuse me. Can we help you?

No, ma'am.
We're from your government.

He's agent Barnes, I'm agent Noble.

-And we're here to test you.
-Oh, I see. uh.

Class, the man is here to test you.

Books and papers off your desks.

It's time for your first
standardized test.

-Take one test and pass them back.
-Number pencil only.

-Take one test and pass them back.
-Number pencil only.

Uh, can I use a pen?

-He gets test version "B."
-Checked.

[sighs] You mean to tell me
you do this all day long?

Keep the chatter down, Muriel.

Some of us still have work
to do around here.

Don't remind me.
They're just keeping me around

this joint for window dressing.

-[bell rings]
-I am the window dressing.

[gloomy music playing]

Yo, Vince, you gonna take these?

Huh? Oh!
Sorry, Spin. I was just thinking

about that sweet boo-wah sound
my foot makes

when I make contact with the kickball.

Thank you.
We'll administer another test tomorrow.

Back to your studies.

[dramatic music playing]

Well, class, I was thinking
perhaps today we could study

the laws of physics involved in...

[whispering]
...the playing of paper football.

-Tender.
-Agreed. Even I can't metabolize

a full week of study without a moment's
recreation.

-[door opening]
-Miss Grotke, a word, please.

Oh--oh. Why, yes, of course,
I just have--

And bring the paper football.

[T.J. gulps]

Excellent. Five days of no recess,

and test scores are holding steady.

I told you, Peters, this plan of mine
was a masterstroke.

You're really going places, sir.

Turn it off, Peters.
You can't have another promotion.

[gloomy music playing]

[chains squeaking]

[bell rings]

-Excuse me, kid.
-I guess.

[dramatic music playing]

Uh, bathroom break?

Sorry. The faculty restroom
has been sealed shut.

It was being overused.

Good grief, man.

We teachers need time to--to--
To sit and do nothing.

Not on the taxpayers' dime you don't.

[teachers sigh]

Mr. Secretary, I have here
the second week's results

of operation Recess Recall.

I don't have time
to read through all that.

Cut to the charts, man. The charts.

Yes, sir. Of course, sir.

Hmm, attendance is good,
weather seems to be holding.

What's this large black line descending
at such a steep angle? Delinquency?

Those are the test scores, sir.

Show this data to no one.
Do you understand me? No one!

We've got to get those scores back up
and quick,

before anyone gets wind of this
and mistakenly blames me for it.

I know. Get Noble and Barnes
on the blower.

Tell them to get to the bottom of this.
Find out what caused it!

Thank you. Next? Please have a seat.

I'm just going to ask you a few questions.

I can answer questions.

[Noble]
Now, your test scores are going down.

Why do you think that is?

Think?

Too many little boxes.

Not enough time.

I'm sorry.

I don't understand your question.

Number pencil only, please.

Number pencil only.

Something missing.

Something missing.

[Noble]
What's missing?

Note that the subject
is pointing at the window.

[panting]

[Noble]
Wind or air?

You need air?

F-f-fun.

Less boxes, less pencils.

F-f-f... f-f-f...

[Noble]
You... need to go to the boys' room!

Running? You want running?

F-f-freedom.

I'm sorry.

I don't understand your question.

F-f-f-friends.

Nothing!
The lousy runts gave us no answers.

Oh, well. Actually, sir, I thought
they shed some light

on how we might improve the test scores.

-Oh?
-Perhaps, we should give them

a small dose of what they think
they need.

A time in the day during
which they run around,

-breathe fresh air, and whatnot--
-That gives me an idea.

Get those goldbrickers at the think t*nk
busy on this one. Pronto!

[martial music playing]

And using the data gathered by our agents,
Mr. President,

I have personally developed
a new pilot program

to test at Third Street School,

a program I'm convinced
will bring those test scores up

to an all-time high.

I'm intrigued, Garrison.
You have two minutes. Show me the magic.

[beep]

My plan, sir, calls for short
daily periods of outdoor time

during which the students are free
to do as they please.

I call the program:

Reversing effects of continous

educational stress syndrome.

Wait a minute.
That seems to spell something.

Precisely, sir, RECKESS.

That's the name of my daring
new pilot program.

I like it. But will it work?

It has to, for the sake of the children.

[gloomy music playing]

[plop]

I-I'm sorry, class.

It seems I've taught you
everything I know.

Let's review.

Test time, citizens.

[Noble]
You know what to do. You know what to do.

Do you go here?

I don't know.

F-f-f... f-f-f...

[slurping noises]

-Do you have to do that?
-I'll do as I please, sister.

I've just about had it with you, Muriel.

You're driving me plum loco.

Then maybe it's go time.

Don't let your mouth write out
a report card

your body can't sign.

[telephone rings]

Yeah? Hold on.

[intercom buzzes]

Principal Prickly,
secretary of schools on one.

But, Mr. Secretary--
Yes, sir, I do love my job.

Yes, sir, I am proud
that we've been chosen

to lead the way with--
how did you say it, RECKESS?

Brilliant, sir. This could only have come
from Washington.

[sighs]

Attention, Third Street School.

This is Principal Prickly speaking.

Put down your number pencils
and go outside.

RECKESS begins now. that is all.

Was that God?

[serene music playing]

[birds chirping]

[triumphal music playing]

[cheering]

I-I'm running.
I'm running!

Free! We're free!

Basketball.

Hey, Vince, where have you been lately?

I'm not sure. Play some hoops?

[Garrison]
Mr. President, I'm happy to report

test scores at Third Street
are up with a vengeance.

[president] Super. Boy, that RECKESS idea
of mine turned out

to be a real winner, didn't it, Garrison?

[Garrison] They don't call you
the smart president for nothing, sir.

[slurping]

[sighs]

Wow, Guster. What a set of lungs.

Yeah, but maybe you shouldn't have
finished your milk first.

I mean, aren't you gonna need it
for your peanut butter sandwich?

I couldn't help myself, guys.
I love chocolate milk.

Whoever thought of putting candy in milk

was a genius.

Evil genius.

Be right back.

Let's see.
Chocolate milk. Chocolate milk.

Here we go. Come to papa.

Hey, what are you...

Hey! My parents were
on vacation in Hawaii,

and all I got was this shirt.

Ah!

-Noodles!
-Down, sir, down.

Food fight!

[yelling]

Let's take ten, Harriet.

♪ These shoes were new ♪

Bogeys at :!

[screaming]

A food fight?

I'll put a stop to this...

A little later.

[children murmuring]

My large eight is intact. Good work, boys.

-Everyone all right?
-All right?

This is better than swapping desserts.

- Hey, where's Gus?
-Look.

Gus, Gus, are you all right?

I was just getting milk, and-and I saw it.

-Saw what, Gus?
-I saw who started the food fight.

-What, are you sure?
-[whistle blows]

Stop this food fight now.

That's better.
Miss Finster, Miss Finster.

They were all throwing food,
every one of them.

Not to worry, Randall.
I'll see they pay for it.

-[laughs]
-[Finster] Look at this mess.

I'd call you a pack of wild animals,
but even wild animals don't throw food,

Except for monkeys,
but you're not monkeys, are you?

No, you're children,
children who act like monkeys.

Hank will pass out towels and mops,

and you will clean up this mess.

[laughing] Yes.

[exclamations of disappointment]

Too tough, am I? Well, there's more.

-From now on, there will be no recess!
-[all gasp]

No recess, that is,
until I catch the hooligan

who's responsible
for starting this calamity.

I'm sure one of you
must have seen who started it.

Uh...

So that's the way it's going to be, huh?

Fine. You can
all just stay in here together and clean.

Until someone spills the beans...
figuratively speaking, that is.

[all sighing]

Oh, man.
I got more food on me from cleaning

than I did from battle.

Guys! I could put an end this
if I just told on--

-Don't say it, Gus.
-But you don't understand! It was--

Gus, I'm serious, don't say it.

That would make you a tattletale.

Yeah, and being a tattletale

is against the kids'
unwritten code of honor.

Are you sure? I mean, it is unwritten
and all.

Not anymore, Gus.
Behold, the code has now been issued

on this convenient and durable
laminated reference card.

"Tattletale go to jail.
Stick your head in a garbage pail."

[sighing]
It's pretty clear, all right.

But what if you saw a kid
stealing something from a store

-[Vince] Well--
-Or some guy being mean to a dog!

-We know, Gus, but--
-Or a bunch of robots from outer space

fixing to blow up Kelso's or--

Gus, it's a food fight
we're talking about.

Which means you've got to keep
your mouth shut no matter what.

-Yeah, but--
-No matter what.

[gloomy music playing]

[children murmuring]

[oriental music playing]

Om...

Oh, great Guru Kid,
I am in need of your advice.

It's about the truth.

Ah, truth.

Truth is like a bird,

lively and beautiful when set free.

Set free? You mean, like...
If you know the truth, you should tell it?

Of course, my son.

Gee, thanks, Guru Kid.
I can't wait to get truth off my chest.

You see...
[whispering]

Are you nuts? You don't go around
spouting truths like that.

But you said "set the bird free."

Not that kind of bird.

Lock it in a cage. Throw away the key.

We will not speak of this again. Om...

[sighs]

Attention, miscreants.

You've been cleaning
for over an hour already,

and no one's come forward to squeal.

That's 'cause we've got the code.
Right, guys?

You may be strong in a group.

But we'll see how you hold up
to individual interrogations.

[gulp]

We will start in alphabetical order.

Beginning with Adam Able.

Oh, man, I'm always first.

Why couldn't I have been
born Zebadiah Zwick?

[gloomy music playing]

Next!

[crying]

Next!

Next!

Care for a soda, Randall?

Gee, thanks, Miss Finster.
Don't mind if I do.

I need you to do me a little favor,
Randall.

Somebody out there knows more
than they're admitting.

I want you to find out who it is.

You got it, Miss Finster.

As always, it's a pleasure
working with you.

It's only a matter of time.

I-I'm scared, guys, really scared.

Gus, there's nothing to worry about.

I got called in, Mikey got called in.
We made it through, OK.

Yeah, but you guys don't know who did it.

I'll probably cr*ck the minute
Finster asks me a question.

Try doing what I do, Gus.
Just think about chocolate.

-Chocolate?
-Sure!

Whenever I'm scared or worried,
I just think about chocolate,

and my fears melt away.

I do love chocolate.

There you go! Use it.

Yeah, thanks, Mikey.

I'll just keep thinking about chocolate.

It's working already.

-Next!
-No, you'll never make me tell!

There's a code, an unbreakable kid code!

A code, eh?
Well, let's just see if we can't cr*ck it.

Forget the alphabet, sonny. You're next.

[dramatic music playing]

You know, Gus, I can be a powerful enemy

or your best friend.

Do you wanna be my friend, Gus?

You mean like play kickball together?

So you're going to be clever with me, huh?

Unintentionally, ma'am, no.

It was Detweiler who fired
those first mashed potatoes, wasn't it?

[screams]

Of course, it wasn't Detweiler
because it was Spinelli.

Was it LaSalle?

Uh. In a loyal mood, are you?
Well I can be loyal, too.

Of course, for those who won't be loyal
I can make things rough.

Recess canceled for the slightest drizzle,

weed patrol,
mandatory Maypole celebrations

and traditional Scandinavian attire...

-Think chocolate. Use it. Use it.
-[Finster ranting]

I could hold the hallway passes forever--
Hmmm, chocolate.

The nurse could keep the thermometer
in the refrigerator.

Yummy, yummy, nougat.

I could force you to--
Delicious.

Play bridge--!
Milky trim the hedges.

Smooth and, oh, so luscious.

-Oh!
-Sorry. There was a fly on the table.

[knock on door]

That must be the boys from downtown.

B-boys from down who?

-Hey there, Muriel.
-Did you get it?

[man]
Right here.

[gulp]

He's sure been in there a long time.

We shouldn't have let him go in there.

-We should have hid him.
-Door opens.

-Gus! You OK, man?
-Did you cr*ck?

-Back off, guys. Give him some air.
-[whistle blows]

This investigation is officially closed.

Thanks, boys. I've ID'd the perp.

[murmuring]

The culprit is...

[sighs]
...Randall Weems.

-[exclamation]
-No, I-I didn't mean to do it!

It was an accident, I tell you!

The mashed potatoes
slipped out of my hand.

I'm very disappointed in you, Randall.

My own little weasel gone bad.

My world is shaken.

Griswold, you ratted me out.
You're a tattletale, you hear me?

A tattletale!

So Griswold told?

Yeah, that's it. It was Griswold.

[shouting]

No, I didn't tattle. I swear.

The code's clear, on this one, sir.
"Tattletale go to jail.

Stick your head in a garbage pail."

Someone get me a pail!

Hey, leave Gus alone.

Yeah! He's our friend
even if he did tattle.

But I really didn't.

Stop! Unhand that boy.

We'll get you later, Griswold,

When your girlfriend's not around.

Cute, Jerome,
but this boy told me nothing.

Poor Randall was fingered by science.

[Girl]
By science? I don't get it.

It's quite simple, actually.

My first break in the case

came toward the beginning
of the investigation.

[Finster] I merely had to visit
the scene of the crime.

There I discovered my first real clue.

A mashed potato fingerprint.

Using this clue,
I formulated a brilliant plan

To lure my prime suspect
to the soda machine

and make him an offer he couldn't refuse.

Now it was up to the boys
in the district crime lab.

[siren wailing]

Yep, it's spuds, all right.

Once the boys in brown
confirmed my suspicions,

I knew it was poor misguided Randall

who had thrown the first volley.

I had no choice but to send him over.

Fascinating story, Miss Finster,
but not quite logical.

I mean, if Gus didn't tattle on Randall,

what made him your prime suspect
In the first place?

Because, little missy,

although Gus didn't tell me anything,

he was just about the only kid who didn't.

-What means--?
-That's right, boy.

Except for you and your so-called friends,

Every kid who walked in there
sang like a lovestruck canary.

[chuckles]
Kids' code of honor... ha!

What a joke.

I-I can't believe it.

After all I went through,
you all told anyway?

Hey, it was losing recess
she was talking about.

Yeah, and that cleaning was,
like, ruining my nails.

But what about not tattling?

What about the kids' code of honor?

It appears, Gus, that tattling, like life,

isn't all black and white.

Apparently, sometimes it's OK to tell

and sometimes it's not.

But that means the code is all wrong.

-[dramatic music]
-[murmuring]

What? How dare you besmirch the code?

It's a time-honored tradition.
It's never wrong.

But according to the code,
since all you guys tattled,

you've all got to get thrown
in the garbage pail.

Interesting point.

But since we don't have
nearly enough pails,

everyone is pardoned.

[cheering]

Wait!

There's still one thing I don't get.

I'm the only one who had
a clear view of Randall.

So how did all you guys know
he started the fight?

[oriental music playing]

As the river flows,
so inexorably flows the truth.

OK, so I blabbed.

[musical theme playing]
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