04x05 - America's Wackiest Home Movies/The 'Lympics"

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Rugrats". Aired: August 11, 1991 - August 1, 2004.*
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`Rugrats' reveals the world from a baby's point of view where it's bigger, more mysterious and uncontrollable.
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04x05 - America's Wackiest Home Movies/The 'Lympics"

Post by bunniefuu »

[ Snoring]

[ Gasps]

[ Kids laughing]

[ Panting]

[ Laughing]

[ Slurping]

Didi:
tommy, come to mommy,
sweetheart

We're trying
to watch the show.

Emcee:
and that was our third finalist,
"pass the milk."

When we come back

We'll have the winner of
our $ , grand prize, so...

Don't go away.

[ Door buzzer sounds]

[ Sighs]

Angelica, mommy
and daddy are here.

One second, deed

The market in europe
is going crazy!

British beef is down,
soybeans are up

Dollar's weak in france.

Jonathan, sell the beef
and buy francs and beans.

Hi, deed. Thanks
for sitting.

Time to go, angel.

Mommy, can we stay
to see the winner?

Hmm?

Oh! And now the winner
of our grand prize is...

[ Drum roll]

"Baby mudslinger!

[ Laughs]

Whoo!

What a wacky kid!

Which reminds me, coming up

Is our "wackiest things
our children do" competition

With a grand prize of--

You guessed it-- $ , !

So keep those home movies
coming!

That's the winner?

It's not even funny.

[ Tommy squealing]

[ Laughing]

Now, that's funny.

In fact, half the things
tommy does

Are funnier than the stuff
on this show.

Everythingangelica
does is funnier.

Sure, it's easy for you.

She talks.

Even a monkey

Could catch funny video

Of a talker.

[ Laughing]

[ Slurping]

Don't eat it, tommy,
it's not food.

Pulling a prize-winning
moment out of an infant--

That takes a pro

A real artiste...
Moi.

Oh, here they go.

Can I see you
in the kitchen
for a moment?

Sure.

Come on, tommy,
do something.

Give me something funny.

Chase yourself,
the scratch thing, something!

Knock-knock.

[ Gasps]
I said,
"knock-knock!"

Let me
borrow that.

I think my princess

Might do something funny.

[ Laughs]

Knock-knock!

Who's there?

Olive.

Olive who?

Olive you 'cause

You're the bestest daddy

In the whole widest world!

Oh, yeah.

That's funny.

[ Dog barking]

[ Tommy squeals]

Quick, give me
that camera.

No, wait, i...

[ Men grunting]

[ Tommy laughing]

It's mine!

[ Laughter fades]

Now you made me
miss it!

Stop yelling, ninnies!

Both [ yelling]:
we're not yelling!

Well, hello, boy!

[ Sighs]

Um, angelica

What's that thing
our daddies
are playing with?

That's a clamcorder.

Oh. Well, what's it for?

When you see it,
you, uh...

Clam up!

You don't do anything

Or make any noise, and, uh...

You get a quarter, see?

Clam-quarter.

Wow! A whole quarter!

Don't forget
stu's surprise

Birthday party
tomorrow.

It's at : .

Oh, yes!

Of course, : .

Give me just a minute.

Jonathan. Push back
tomorrow's meeting

With chasem, ketchum and sue.

Lawyers.

That's what I pay
youfor, jonathan.

Make it work.

Wouldn't miss it.

So glad you
can make it, charlotte

Because stu would be
so unhappy

If his brother wasn't here
on his special day.

I want you out!

Fine, I'll leave!

But I'll be back with
that $ , prize.

Only if you're hired
to deliver it to me!

Drew, if it helps,
you could use old bessie

Best darned moving picture
camera I ever had.

Better than any
video thingamabob.

No, thanks, pop.

I have equipment at home,
where we're going!

Charlotte!

Well, good luck!

You'll need it

Because when it comes
to capturing magic

These eyes miss nothing.

[ Laughing]

[ Zapping]

Thanks for
bringing over

The lamps, howard.

Lighting has always
been a hobby of mine

But what I really want to do
is direct.

Yeah, great.

And... Action!

[ Singing terribly off-key]:
♪ twinkle, twinkle

♪ Little star

♪ How I wonder...

Daddy! I can't see

The lights are in my eyes.

Okay, okay. Uh...

I'm sorry, angel.

Uh... Is this better?

[ Zooming]

Yes, perfect.

[ Thud and moan]

I'm ready for my close-up,
mr. Deville.

Stu [ whining]:
come on, tommy

Do something!

Anything!

Please?

Do it for daddy.

Dance with your teddy, please.

Spray the cheese at chuckie,
in his hair... Something!

Didi!

[ Shuts door]

Tommy, why aren't we

Playing with the toys
or the cheese?

It's the clam-quarter, chuckie.

Angelica says
if I don't do anything

Or make any noise
when it watches me

I get a quarter.

Well, it's not
watching now.

Oh...

[ Laughing]

So what will you do
with a whole quarter?

Well... I'm not going
to put it up my nose.

[ Laughing]

Oh!

You know, according
to lipschitz

Infants can be camera-shy.

So I came up with...

The ten-gallon hat cam!

I'll always have it

And nobody
will notice.

I'll take tommy
to the park

And try it out.

When you and drew
were little boys

I got plenty of good movies.

And I never ran around with
a hardware store on my head.

All it takes
is a little patience.

Sorry, pop, no time,
got to go.

Angelica [ singing off-key]:
♪ twinkle, twinkle

♪ Little star

♪ How I wonder what you are...

[ Bellows]:
cut!

From the top, daddy?

[ Groans softly]

Honey, we have to go

To uncle stu's
surprise party

So we only have time
for one more try.

And I need you to be--

How can I say this?--

Funny.

Honey, you've
seen the show.

Do what the other kids
do to be funny.

I saw the show
one time

And it was funny, and...

Great, just do
what that kid did.

Uh... Okay.

♪ Twinkle, twinkle, little...

[ Clang]
ow!

Huh?

Feed the ducks, tommy.

This should be good.

[ Giggling]

Didi was right.

The park is definitely funnier.

Whoa, hey! Whoa... Whoa!

[ Yells]

[ Splat]

[ Laughing, quacking]

Drew:
hey, bro!

[ Gulps]

How goes the video?

Uh... Great!

Hours of magic.
You?

Uh... Same.

Oh, yeah.
Hours and hoursof gold.

[ Humming]

Hi, angelica.

You know, I've been

Clammed up all day

And I still have
no quarter.

Huh?

Oh!

Yeah, uh, hmm...

Soon.

You have to wait
till... Soon.

Come on, angelica,
we have to go.

Nice hat.

Nice walk.

[ Angelica humming]

[ Crickets chirping]

[ General conversation]

Oh, you can get
schmutz for free

In your own backyard!

Didi:
sweetie, please take
off the skates inside?

Okay, aunt didi

Right after I do
the triple axle!

Right after
the triple.

Drew!

All right.

Take off your skates
for aunt didi

But do it funny.

[ Humming]

[ Car pulls up]

He's here!

Didi:
oh, dear!

[ Guests buzzing excitedly]

Shh, shh, shh!

What are all
the grown-ups doing?

Looks like they're playing
hide-and-go-peek.

Oh, boy! Let's play!

Good hiding place.

Yeah! And look...

Gum!

That's not gum.

[ Gasps] neat!

This is too scary.

I wonder where tommy is?

[ Creaking]

Hmm. I wonder where mommy is?

[ In unison]:
surprise!

Wow, deed, you really got me!

[ Yells]

This is priceless!

What a boob.

[ Yelling]

[ Loud crashing]

[ Didi gasps]

[ Both yelling]

[ Guests scream]

[ Bellows in terror]

[ Splat]

Woman:
oh, dear.

Hi, tommy,
what were you doing?

I've been doing nothing
a bazillion times

And I still got no quarter

And doing nothing is hard work!

[ Tinkling]

[ Gasps]
look!

The quarter!

[ All exclaiming]

You're in the burny.

Uh, stu...?

[ Both grunt]

[ Audience laughing]

And... The winner of

"The wacky things
our children do" competition

And the $ , is...

[ Drum roll]

[ Cymbals clash]

Lou pickles!

[ Audience oohs and ahs]oh!

[ Applause]

I'd like to thank my two boys...

[ Chuckles]

...without whom,
none of this would be possible.

[ All laughing]

[ Groans]

Well, it's not like our kids
did anything funny, anyway.

[ Laughing]

[ Giggling]

[ Giggling]

[ Laughing and cooing]

[ Babbling]

[ Gasps]

[ Gasps]
[ both scream at top of lungs]

[ Fanfares playing...]

Boy:
all right, mcnulty brothers

Let's go!

And one

And two

And nine

And seven.

Come on, you babies.

You call those
jumping jacks?

You make me sick.

Now, that kid knows
how to treat babies.

Come on, cynthia.

Let's go introduce ourselves.

My name's angelica.

I'm four...
Well, almost.

Timmy mcnulty,
four and a half.

All right, mcnultys,
drop and give me six, let's go!

Mm... An older toddler--
I like that.

I like the way
you handle your babies.

We're practicing

For the olympics.

So we can play against the
greatest athletes of the world.

And win some gold medals...

Like this one.

Hmm, that's nice.

So, you want to play?

Me and cynthia
were thinking

Of having
a tea party, and...

Boys don't have tea parties

And we definitely
don't play with dolls.

Fine, go ahead and play
your stupid 'lympics.

See if I care.

Come on, cynthia.

Dumb boy.

We don't need him, anyway.

Cynthia:
hmm...

Babies... Yes!

Hello, babies,
what ya doing?

Digging holes.

Want to dig with us?

Gee, thanks, tommy, um...
It's awful nice of you to ask

But me and cynthia
are going to play 'lympics.

See you later.

Three, five, two...

Wait, angelica!

We want to play 'lympics, too.

[ Quietly]:
yes!

[ In normal voice]:
hmm... Gee, tommy

I'd love to invite you to play

But the 'lympics is only

The most greatest game
in the world

Where athletes
from different countries

Like russia and france and ohio

Try to win the gold medal.

That sounds great, angelica.

We want to try
and win the gold medal.

We do?

I could train you

But it might take years,
even months, of hard work.

I don't have that much time,
angelica.

I have to take my afternoon nap.

Then we'll just
have to work fast.

You see those babies
over there?

Faster, babies, faster!

If you want to win
the gold medal

That's who
you have to b*at.

They don't look
like they're having
very much fun.

Who said anything about fun?

This is the 'lympics.

Now, do you want to win
the gold medal or not?

Sure we do!

Both:
yeah!

Okay, then start exercising.

Angelica:
and two, and three,
and four, and eight...

Come on,
you babies, keep up!

No, no, no!

Can't you babies
do anything right?

Feet apart, jump, clap.

Timmy:
well, well, well...

What have we got here?

Oh, hello, timmy.

Come to watch
me and my babies

Train for the 'lympics?

Is that what you call it?

Did you hear that, mcnultys?

They're training
for the 'lympics!

Yes, we're training
for the 'lympics.

All right, you babies,
drop and give me six.

Six what, angelica?

[ Laughing]

"Six what?"

Oh, that is good!

Angelica, maybe you
and your babies

Better stick
to dolls and tea parties.

You listen to me, timmy mcnulty.

My babies are just as good
as your babies.

And we could b*at you anytime.

[ Laughing]

Stop laughing,
you, you...

You boy, you.

Sorry, angelica,
but you got to admit

The idea of your babies b*ating
my babies is pretty funny.

Well, if you think
it's so funny

Then why don't you put your
mommy where your mouse is?

Huh?

Cute anddumb.

I'm talking about
a 'lympic contest

Between your babies
and mine.

You got to be kidding!

My babies would cream
your babies.

Besides, what would we get
if we win?

How about if my babies win,
I get your gold medal

And if your dumb babies win,
you get

My gold medal.

[ All gasp]

Angelica,
that's the gold medal

Your mommy gave you
for your birthday.

I have my reasons, tommy.

[ Romantic harp music
playing...]

[ Fanfare playing...]

So, let the games begin!

Okay, everybody...

The firstest event
is the spinning baby dash.

We'll spin
the merry-go-round

Till you babies get dizzy.

Then you race
to the dirt pile

Pick up a rock

And bring it back.

The first baby to return
with their rock is the winner.

Okay, babies, start spinning!

Both:
whoa... Whoa!

[ Both groaning]

[ Other children yelling...]

[ Panting...]

[ Cheering and yelling]

[ Groans]

So, timmy,
what do you think

Of me and my babies now?

Dumb luck.

Wait till the next race.

Way to go, tommy.

You won.

[ Dazed]:
uh... I did?

Hey, that doesn't look
like a rock.

[ Gasps]

Hey, it's a dirt clod.

Ha! A dirt clod?

Your dumb baby couldn't even
find a rock in a dirt pile.

You lose.

Oh, tommy...!

All right, babies, this
next event is the water ballet.

[ "The blue danube" waltz
playing...]

[ Gasps]

[ Both giggling]

[ Fanfare playing]

[ "La cumparcita" tango
playing...]

[ Gasps]

[ Giggles]

[ Fanfare playing]

Yeah! All right!

[ Groans]

Angelica:
okay, everybody.

After two contests,
the 'lympics are tied.

The winner of this event
takes home the gold medal.

And since you picked
the last event

It's my turn to pick this one.

And I say it will be
a relay race

And you've got to use
all your babies.

[ Gasps]

Tommy, I don't want to play
'lympics no more.

I'll lose and then
it will be all my fault

That we don't get
the gold medal.

You have to play, chuckie.

The whole team
is counting on you.

Whatever happened
to the days

When a kid could enjoy
the simple pleasures

Of digging
a hole in the sand?

Okay, babies, this isn't
just a game anymore.

Oh, no,
it's a whole bunch of games.

And these games...
[ Sighs]

What, chuckie?

I have to go potty.

You can't go potty
till after the race!

[ Fanfare playing...]

Angelica:
on your marks!

Get set!

Both:
go!

[ Twins giggling]

Angelica:
we're gonna win

The 'lympics!

I know you can do it!

Hey, give me some of that,
lillian.

Get your own, phillip!

No, I saw it first, lillian.

No, I did!

I did!

I did!

Looks like your babies

Found something
better to do.

Hey...!

What do you think
you're doing?

Hey, look what just
fell out of the sky.

It's cherry.

I don't care what flavor it is.

Get going!

You're losing the race.

[ Children yelling...]

[ Both yelling]

Let's go find that popsicle.

Good idea!

Hmm...

Go, go, go...

Psst! Hey, kid!

Over here.

Dead lizard!

Teddy, yeah, let's go!

Hey, what the...?

[ Gasps]

Hello, timmy.

Hey, I didn't find
any dead lizard.

Dead lizard?

Teddy, you get your little
baby butt back in the race.

Angelica, you were cheating.

I'm cheating?

What about you,
popsicle boy?

Okay... From now on,
nobody cheats.

Both:
fine.

[ Children yelling
and cheering]

Angelica:
go, go! Faster, faster!

Come on, teddy!come on, tommy!

Angelica, I really
have to go potty.

I told you, chuckie,
after the race.

It's up to you
to win the gold medal.

Yeah, chuckie, it's up to you
to win the gold medal...

For me.

[ Laughing]

[ Gasps]

[ Yelling]

[ Both yelling]

[ Other children cheering]

Angelica...

Chuckie,
winning this gold medal

Means more to me
than anything in the world.

But, angelica, I really,
really have to go...

I know, potty, but you can't go
till you win the race.

The faster you run,
the sooner you get to go.

[ Groans]

[ Panting]

[ Yelling]

[ Panting...]

All right!

We win the 'lympics!

I win! I win!

I get the gold medal!

Hooray for me!

What do you think about
me and my babies now?

I got to hand it
to you, angelica

You b*at us fair and square.

I just hope that someday
I get to wear the gold medal.

Ah... It could happen.

[ Fanfare playing...]

[ Grunting...]

Teddy:
hey, I didn't find
any dead lizard.
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