07x05 - Planting Dil/Joke's on You

[bunniefuu]

[light percussive music]

♪

: "Ooph"!

♪

[gasps]

[twins giggle]

♪

: [gasps]

: [groans]

ugh.

♪

[milk squishes]

[baby crying]

[toy rattling]

: I don't know

what to do, you guys.

It looks like Dil,

is never gonna stop crying.

: [sighs]

I've never needed a nap

so bad in my whole life.

: [gasps]

: "Poopie".

[cries]

[all groan]

: Getting a little tired

of all the crying.

: But we already tried
giving him

every toy we've got.

: Oh, what about
the elephant?

: Tried it.

: The Jack-in-the-box?

: Yup.

: Hey, we didn't try
the one-eyed dolly.

: I don't know, Tommy.

He's gonna really cry
when he sees that.

: [grunts]

: Hello, sweetie.

Now, now, Dylan Prescott,

Let a smile be your umbrella.

There, that's better.

: I don't know why we have

to plant the garden today.

They're running a -hour w*r
movie marathon

on channel .

: Because pop,

it's the first day of spring.

Mother nature opens her arms

to share her bounty.

: Where do you want this
Stuff?

: Careful--that's where
I'm planting

my lettuce.

I can't wait to see

those little heads popping out

of the ground.

: [gasps]

Hey, Tommy, how come
your mommy and grandpa

get to dig in the dirt?

: I don't know, Phil.

But let's go see

before Dil starts
crying again.

: [laughing]

: There.

Here's where I'll plant
my rutabagas.

I've got a collection
of root vegetables

that are the spitting
images of U.S. Presidents.

See?

: Um, Grover Cleveland?

: John Quincy Adams.

All I need is

a Millard J. Fillmore rutabaga

to complete my set.

: Fine.

Just keep your unsightly
roots away

from my beautiful herbs.

This year, I'm growing
Parsley,

Sage, oh, and Dill.

I'm going to plant lots
of Dill.

: Did you hear that?

The grownups said
they're gonna

Plant more "Dils".

: Ow.

One Dil is kind
of a lot of Dil.

: Can they grow more "Dils",
Tommy?

: Well, my mommy said

she's growing heads.

I suppose she could grow
whole babies too.

I'm gonna go see.

[gasps]

: We'd better keep
the sprouts away

from the sprouts.

: [gasps]

: Um, how many new "Dils"
is there gonna be?

: Oh, I don't know,
Chuckie.

It's an awful big garden.

[all gasp]

[all crying]

: [crying]

: [sighs] I love Dil,

but one is enough.

I can't take care of two "Dils".

Or three or "eleventy".

: Our ears will hurt.

: And we'll be tired
all the time.

What are we gonna do?

: Yeah, Tommy,
what are we gonna do?

: What are we gonna do?

I'll tell you
what we're gonna do.

We're busting out of here,

'Cause this w*r ain't over
till I say it's over.

Here, put this on.

: Ha! nice camouflage,
"doughboy".

Are you fighting a w*r
or entering a beauty contest?

I ask you, general "eisenhower",

have you ever seen such
a sorry excuse for a soldier?

: You guys, that's it.

We'll do like
the soldier man on tv.

Do you guys have any mud?

: Uh, why would
you ask us?

[sighs] yeah.

: We were saving it
for a special occasion.

: Like lunch.

: This is really "'portant".

Maybe we can go out and stop

all the "Dils" before
they're planted.

: Outside? In the dark?

With muddy faces?

: [chuckles]

You call that a foxhole,
soldier?

Why, when I was
in the service,

I could dig foxholes
in minutes.

: [gasps] Come on, men.

: [giggles]

: [grunting]

Help.

I'm Stuck.

I'll be okay, tommy.

Go on without me.

Save yourselves.

: Chuckie, your shoelace
got caught on a sprinkler,

that's all.

: Oh.

: We're too late.

There's no more
Dil seeds In here.

: Okay, you varmints,
I hear you.

Best keep your thieving paws

away from my
Millard j. fillmore.

: [laughs]

: Aha.
got you!

Name, rank, and seri--

What?

: Mine, mine.

: [laughing]

[both gasp]

: What are we gonna do

when the new "Dils" comes,
huh?

Some are gonna be crying,

And some are gonna
Be throwing Stuff.

I don't think I'm ready.

: Chuckie, you're right.

We got to get ready
for the new baby "Dils".

Follow me.

Bottles? : check.

: "Binkies"? : Check.

: "Diapies"? : I better check.

: "Lil". : Oh, yeah.

Check!

: Cookies?

: Uh, were those
for the "Dilses"?

: I thought
one of the new "Dilses"

Might like my "favorites" toy.

: well, I'm gonna make
My Dil mud pies

with "dumpylions" on top.

: So?

I'm gonna tell my "Dils" how
to take a "bathy"

without going down the drain.

: Hey, I can show my Dils
my secret hiding place

that nobody knows about
in the corner of the sandbox.

Oops.

: And I can teach my Dils
all about "sploring".

: You know, it might not
be so bad

having some new "Dils" around.

: It might be fun.

: I wish they were here
right now.

: Maybe they are, Chuckie.

Let's go see.

: Aw, look at them, Dilly,

Waiting for nature's bounty.

[all gasp]

Hmm, that soil looks
A little dry.

Be right back, angels.

: Hi, Dil.

: "Doggie". : [gasps]

: There's one.

A new Dil.

Everybody, man your
babble stations.

[gasps]

: Spike, stop that.

That's stealing.

No, no, no.

You bring him back here
right now, spiky.

: My herbs.

: My rutabagas!

: [yelps]

Oh.

Look, pop.

My Dill plants
Are starting to grow.

And here's some rosemary.

Oh, this is so exciting.

My herbs are coming in.

I'll be able to make salmon
with Dill sauce.

Maybe we could serve it

with a side of
Millard J. Fillmore.

: Is that how you treat

the th president
of the united states?

Why don't you show some respect
for the office?

: So if that green Stuff
Is Dill,

and Dil is Dil...

: Then there must be two kinds
of Dill.

: The kind you eat,
and the kind you...

don't.

: Well, I guess

there won't be a bunch
of new baby "Dils".

: Yeah, I guess not.

: Actually, I was kind

of Looking forward

to the new "Dils".

: Yeah.

Now who am I gonna show
my very secretest

hiding place to?

: well, we still
gots this Dil.

Let's show him.

: Come on, Dilly,

but you gots
to promise

not to tell.

: You guys,
if Dills are plants,

then what was that thing
Spike dug up?

: Maybe it was that girl,
Rosemary.

: So then who's herb?

: Tommy, there's some things

We'll just never know.

[ominous music]

[mechanical whirring
And beeping]

[beeping]

: The object of the game

is to get the bee
to retrieve

the golden nectar
in the flower.

Here we go.

[chuckles]

It just needs a little
fine-tuning.

: Well, all I can say,
bro, is wow.

: Here, give it a test run
while I catch the phone.

: no, no, Stu,
really, come on.

It's okay.

: Daddy, can I go with you

to the investor's convention?

: No, pumpkin.

You stay here today

and have fun
with the babies.

: Oh, those babies
aren't no fun.

: [chuckles]

Time for a little
practical joke.

: [gasps]

[beeping]

: Shh.

Hey, Stu, would you
mind showing me

how this thing works again?

: No problem.

: [yelling]

: [laughing]

: Help! hey!

You and your "conflab" toys.

I'm going back inside

and read to the sprouts.

All the "conflab"--

: But, pop, i--

: of all the lousy,
No-good tricks.

You set me up.

Thanks for making pop
think it was me.

: It was just a little joke,
Stewie,

all in good fun.

Bye, angel.

So long, sucker.

[laughs]

: I know you are,
but what am I?

: It's gonna be lots of fun

staying at your house today,
uncle sucker--I

mean, uncle Stu.

By the way, where are
those adorable babies?

: [snoring]

[kazoo fanfare playing]

: Ladies and gentle mans,

I prevent to you King Chuckie

and Queen lillian.

: Playing jokes on the babies

is gonna be more fun
than a barrel of moneys,

huh, Cynthia?

Now all's I need
is someone to set up.

: Chubby, chubby.

: That's King Chubby to you,
Sir.

: Oh, are you okay,
Queen Lillian?

: Off with its head.

: No.

Don't hurt Mr. Quigley.

: Well, then to the "dungie".

: Sorry, Mr. Quigley,

but you shouldn't have
tripped the queen.

To the "dungie".

You mean we "gots"
to go through this long,

scary tunnel?

: never fear,
king Chuckie.

Your knights will
lead the way

and protect you

If anything bad happens.

Fun for all and balls are fun.

: Now's my chance, Cynthia.

[all yelling]

Here you go, "drooly".

: Oh, get me out of here.

: [gasps]

: Huh? : Wait.

Remember what grandpa's story
said?

There might be a giant out there
or a dragon.

: [gasps]

: Go find out, Phillip.

: I'm not going out there,
Lillian.

: It's got to be something
really big

to make the tunnel
all tumble like that.

: Come on, Sir Phillip.

It's our job to keep the King
and Queen safe from danger.

: It's a giant, isn't it?

Or a fire-eating dragon.

: Um, not exactly,
King Chuckie.

: [babbling]

So funny.

: It is not funny, Dil.

You almost "hurted" the Queen.

: But Dilly couldn't have
done it.

Could he? : Of course not.

Dil's just a baby.

: But there's no one
else here.

: [laughs]

This practical joke stuff
is fun and easy too.

Now what should we do next?

[chuckles]

[grunts]

: You sit in that "dungie" and
think about what you done,

Mr. Quigley.

Okay?

: What would you like to now,

your royal "Heinie-ness"?

: Can I take a ride

and wave to all my peoples?

: Oh, why sure,
Queen Lillian.

Hmm, let's see.

Where is the royal carriage?

Hey, how about
the royal "reptar" wagon?

[both] yeah.

: [snoring]

: [chuckles]

: [grunts]

: Hi, Queen.

Hi, King.

: Hi, peoples.

[squeaking]

: Whoa.

: [grunts]

: [laughs]

: He gots tools
in his "diapey".

: Off with his "diapey"!

: He broke the royal wagon.

: Dil didn't break the wagon,
you guys.

The wheels must've just
fell off.

: Then how come he gots
all that Stuff?

: I don't know,

But I know he didn't do it.

He's just a baby.

: I think we ought to put him

in the "dungie".

[both] Good idea!

: No!

Dil doesn't belong
in the "dungie".

Um, how bouts we take him
to the castle?

We can watch him there.

: Okay.

But he better not try
nothing funny.

: [snoring]

: Whatever you do,

don't nobody

take your eyes off
that baby.

: [babbling]

[all snoring]

: [gasps]

Now for the "bestest"
practical joke

in the history
of practical jokes.

Cookies?

Don't mind if I do.

[cries]

Have a ball.

: [grunts]

Huh?

: Ow.

Gee, what's wrong
with my "feets"?

[gasps]

Oops.

Sorry, Sir Phillip.

Hey, how come
you're wearing

King Chuckie's glasses?

: I'm not Sir Phillip.

I'm Queen Lillian.

: No, you're not.

Queen Lillian's over there.

: Give me back my glasses,
Phil.

: He's right.

You're not Phil.

You're lil.

: huh? I'm Iil?

I wasn't that way
before my nap.

: Who gave me
Chuckie's shoes?

: Who stole my glasses?

: Who took my bow?

: Who made me Lil?

: Hey, give it! : What's going on here?

: Something is terribly,
terribly wrong.

: [laughs]

[all] Dil!

: He did it.

: I always "knowed"
he was the one!

: He's bad, I tell you.

Bad.

: But Dil can't even get out

of his walker.

He's just a little baby.

: That's what he wants you
to think, Tommy.

He tries to make
it seem like

he can't do nothing.

: Till you turn your back.

Yeah.

Then when you're not looking,

He turns you into a girl.

: So, Dil, what do
you "gots" to say

for yourself, huh?

: [babbling]

"Doggie", "doggie".

: Now he's blaming spike.

: No, Chuckie, look.

: Where did those come from?

: Hey, where did all
my cookies go?

[gasps] hey.

[all] Angelica?

: Oh, uh, hiya, babies.

: When did you get here?

: Well, um, my daddy
just "drived" me over.

: I didn't hear no car,
Angelica.

: Did I say "drived"?

Um, I meant we walked.

: Hey, Dil had a box
of "aminal" cookies

that he "bited" just like that.

Where'd you get those?

: These? um...

I, um, brought them from home,

And I tripped
and teared the box.

: No, you didn't, Angelica.

You took them from Dil.

It was you doing

all the mean Stuffs to us,
wasn't it?

: So what if it was me?

You babies gonna
do something about it?

: No. : Just checking.

: Have a nice day.

: [chuckles]

I didn't think so.

Well, see you around, babies.

Come on, Cynthia.

You got all dirty today.

Let's go wash your hairs.

: Oh, I feel bad.

All the time angelica was
doing mean Stuff to us,

we was blaming Dil.

: Sorry we didn't
believe you, Tommy.

: That's okay, Phil.

: I wish we could do
something nice for Dil.

[fanfare]

: Ladies and gender mans,

I prevent to you prince Dil.

[all cheering]

: [laughing]

: Huh?

[yells]

: Let's hear it
for Prince Dil.

[all cheer]

: His royal "Highnest"!

: Mommy!

: It's gonna be lots of fun

staying at your house today,

Uncle sucker.