09x01 - Murmur on the Ornery Express

[bunniefuu]

[ snoring]

[ gasps]

[ kids laughing]

[ giggling]

[ barking]

[ giggling]

Choo-choo train.

Hey, Mr. Train.

Choo-choo.

Choo-choo, everybody.

You're good
with trains, Chuckie.

Choo-choo.

I'm potty-trained, too.

Choo-choo.

An old-fashioned train
taking us to Little Biendeltown.

It's like a dream
come true.

Biendeltown.

"A recreation of the old country

with all its whimsical charms."

Whimsical-shmsical.

It's got dust and a yak.

For this I need
a two-day train ride?

What do you know?

It's our second honeymoon.

Why don't you all
come with us?

Oy.

On your honeymoon?

What? I'm going to talk to him

for hours?

I've never been
on a scenic train trip before.

Think of the sights
we'll see on the way.

Doesn't it sound

fun, Stu?

[ forced chuckle]

Choo-choo.

Choo-choo, everybody.

♪ Oh, kids.

Guess what?

We're going to ride

on a real train.

We even get to sleep

on it overnight.

Isn't that exciting?

Wow, a real-live train.

With the wheelies
and the chugga-chugga

and everything.

Yeah.

I'm not going.

What do you mean, Chuckie?

I thought you
loved trains.

Real trains don't have a
string to pull them with.

They just go all
by themselves.

Nothing can stop them.

It's okay, Chuckie,
a real train's

just like your toy train.

It just needs to be biggerer

so the grown-ups
can play with them.

I don't know, Tommy.

It's kind of scary.

Well, we'll all be there
and, um... I know.

You could bring
your old pal, Wawa.

Yeah, so he won't be a-scared
at home all by hisself.

Charlotte,
this is a family trip.

Two relaxing days
on a train.

I want you to promise--

no business.

Well, I don't see why
a person can't...

Charlotte.

All right, fine.

You hear
that, Cynthia?

We're going on a train trip.

Time to break out

those extra-extra-
special accessories.

STU:
Charlotte!

Hold on. I'm just
giving Jonathan

some last-minute
instructions.

Our first honeymoon--

such a hotel.

Cloth napkins.

Ooh-la-la.

And this one

will be even more
exciting, right, Boris?

I'm very excited.

And here's where I keep

the backup nail
clipper, sun block

a bag of jerky and a green pen.

I packed a camera.

Do you know,
Little Biendeltown

is also home to the world's
largest rubber band?

Maybe the train
won't be too big.

[ train whistle blowing]

[ gasps]

[ engine roaring]

[ whistle blows loudly]

[ Chuckie screaming]

You'll be okay, Chuckie.

I promise, nothing bad
will happen to you.

[ brakes screeching]

[ steam hissing]

All aboard!

Come on, kids,
we're going on the train.

Well, Cynthia,
say good-bye to your home.

Maybe we'll come back someday,
maybe not.

Angelica Pickles follows
the feet of a different plumber.

"And after the train
passes each landmark

we can mark it
with a little check."

You really have
this worked out.

[ engine chugging]

Hey, the whole choo-choo train
station's rolling away.

You are so
unsorphisticated.

It's us
that's moving.

Uh... we are?

Uh-huh.
And there's no way out.

[ moaning]

Don't worry, Chuckie.

See how nice and
slow it's going?

Uh-huh.

But it's going to start
going faster and faster.

I don't think Chuckie's
in a big hurry.

[ Chuckie shrieks]

Ha! You brought
your dumb ol' bear?!

Well, Wawa...
he wanted to come.

Yeah, right.

You broughted a toy, too,
too, Angelica.

You broughted Cynfia.

Cynthia is not a toy--
she's a traveling companion

and, now that you mention it,
it's time for her beauty nap.

Well, then maybe
my travel-friend guy

could use a
beauty nap, too.

I'll say.

Don't worry, Wawa.

I'm here if you need me.

[ train whistle blows]

[ shrieks]

It's just the
choo-choo, Chuckie.

This ain't no choo-choo,
it's a big, scary train.

I don't like it
and I never will.

Dwayne Tickerbacker.

Lulu.

Is that you?

In the flesh.

Fancy bumping into you
after all of these years.

You don't look
a day older.

[ clears throat]

Ooh, Dwayne.

This is my
husband, Lou.

Lou, this is Dwayne.

Oh, we used to see
a bit of each other.

Oh, ages ago.

Is that so?

Something of an old flame?

Well, as the lady says,
I'm her husband--

with a capital "H."

Nice to meet you, Lou.

She's mine now

Mr. Fancy-Pants

and don't you forget it.

Hey, Chuckie.

CHAS:
Look at this.

Apparently there's
some notorious

train robber
on the loose.

Funny, huh?

Don't worry, Chas, no
criminal mastermind

is going to be hitching a ride
on the Biendeltown Express.

[ slurping]

Mm-mm-mm.

[ gulping]

I'll have a chocolate
malted, please

and one chip-a-doodle.

have you tried
their chip-a-doodles?

They're exquisite.

Um...

no, I haven't.

Make that two
chip-a-doodles.

One for me,
and one for the little lady.

[ sighs]

Hmm. You know,
Charlotte's

been in the ladies' room
quite a while now.

[ whimpering]

Then finda way
to fax it, Jonathan.

It has to go out today.

If we all take turns
watching the children

the rest of us

can enjoy the sights.

I thought
you could all
probably use a nice, cold drink.

Lulu?

Oh, why, thank
you, Dwayne.

Sweet drinks
from Mr. Sweet-Talker.

Louis, don't you start up.

The first sight should be
coming up any second:

"Vegetable Rock."

"Thrill to the spectacle
of a natural stone formation

in the shape of an asparagus."

This is what
it's all about.

[ burps]

Oh, dear.

I'll get
some more napkins.

It's just
baby stuff.

There we go.

Thanks, Fran.

Oh, gosh, this-this
is fun, but...

this robber business
makes me nervous.

See, Chuckie.

Isn't that
ice cream room fun?

Yeah. I guess this big train
isn't so scary after all.

[ gasps]

[ kids shrieking]

[ shrieking continues]

Cynthia-- where are you?

[ teeth chattering]

Don't be scared, Wawa.

I'm here.

Wawa?

Where's Wawa?!

Ay-yi-yi.

My necklace-- it's gone.

You were robbed?

They were stolen?!

It happened in the dark.

You probably left it at home.

On the TV.

Oh, no, I saw
that string of rocks

on her neck plain as day.

Another victim of...

the train robber.

HereNow cordon off the scene

and sniff out the perp.

All I do is punch
the tickets.

I'll call ahead
for the detectives.

They'll meet us
in the morning
at our first stop.

In the morning?!

But before the morning,
there's...

the night.

[ Howie snoring]

[ moaning]

[ loud bang]

[ startled cry]

Tommy, wake up.

What is it, Chuckie?

I sawed a real scary shadow guy
and he had Wawa.

Maybe you dreameded it.

Yeah, that's what happened.

Hey, maybe I could
dream it, too...

if I could still be sleeping.

No, he didn't dreameded it.

I saw shadow guy, too.

I just didn't say nothin'

'cause Chuckie was being
not a-scared for the first time.

Thanks, Tommy.

But now I'm scared!

So what do we do?

And he's got Wawa!

Not for long, Chuckie.

[ Howie snoring]

[ snoring continues]

Come on, we're going
to find that shadow guy.

[ grunting]

[ metallic rattling]

You okay, Chuckie?

Yeah, I'm real good.

There he goes.

Look!

Maybe that's
what opens the door.

[ grunting]

I got it!

[ screeching]

[ hissing]

Is everyone all right?

A comfortable ride
this isn't.

Oy, with my hip.

That Dwayne probably had
something to do with this.

Not to worry.

Some babies got
to the emergency brake.

Babies!
Babies!
Babies!

Whatever were they thinking?

[ snoring]

Nice baby watching, Howie.

I don't know how
they opened that door.

Ah!

Aren't they precious?

They're the most adorable
little bagamuffins.

[ sniffs]:
This was supposed to be a trip

where nothing bad
was going to happen.

But bad stuff

keeps happening
over and over.

I'm never going to see
Wawa ever again.

Yeah, I'd say that.

The shadow
is too hard to catch.

[ cries]

Hey, you guys

Chuckie needs us
to help him out

not tell him the bad stuff
is going to stay bad.

I promised nothing bad
would happen to you

on this train, Chuckie.

And now something
bad did happen.

But you're my
bestest friend

and I'm going to get
your Wawa back

if it's the lastest
thing I never do.

[ train whistle blows]

I think those are defectives
here to help us find Wawa.

Wow.

I losted Wawa
a bunch of times

and no defectives
ever came before.

I need you to report

any suspicious activities
you might have witnessed.

Between you and me

I never liked the
looks of that guy.

Anyone want coffee?

All right, Dwaynie,
java me up.

And I wanted so much for this
to be our second honeymoon.

[ snores]

We should be near
Cough Drop Pass

where years of natural
erosion have formed

the stone replica

of a soothing lozenge.

I have a couple of questions--
standard procedure.

If you'll come this way.

Yeah, okay,
there's a thief.

You want to sneak out
and have some fun?

[ whispering]

[ chuckling]

LOU:
Okay, sprouts

I'll be taking the next watch
to keep you out of trouble.

[ snoring]

I just sawed the shadow guy.

We gots to catch him.

I don't know, Tommy.

We got your grandpa
watching us.

It's impossible
to get away from him.

[ mumbling]

I gots a idea.

The shadow went this way.

Lou, the kids okay?

Sleeping.

Oh, all right.

I won't disturb them then.

Whoo-hoo!

This is fun!

Don't fall.

Cut that out!

What a baby.

This is good dirt.

It's extra dirty.

We don't have time for that,
you guys.

[ screams]

[ high-pitched hum]

[ train whistle blows]

[ slams]

They're called the Love Geysers.

They erupt once
every days

the twin water spouts
forming the shape of a heart.

And today's the day.

Oh, dear.

We have no little checks,
not even one.

I'm finding this stressful.

Where are you going,
Angelica?

My mommy said I can
sit in the kid car.

If you see my daddy, tell
him that's where I am.

Hmm.

Whatever happened
to Stu and Drew?

[ grunting]

Great! Now we're stuck out
here and it's your fault.

There's got to be
a way off this thing.

Maybe we can shimmy down
a couple of cars

till we find an open window.

I guess it looks safe.

You first.

This is safe, totally safe.

Just checking on my little...

[ screams]

[ train whistle blows]

Of course, the most wonderful
thing about traveling

is meeting new people.

Don't you agree?

Oh, yes.

[ muffled pounding]

[ muffled]:
Help!

We gots to be real quiet.

It's him!

[ gasps]

[ yells]

[ crash]

I'd better try Jonathan
one last time.

[ cell phone rings]

Yes, Charlotte, I'm all over it.

[ adults gasping]

ADULTS:
Jonathan?

Charlotte made me
come and hide in the train

so she could get work done.

So I'd have more time...
for the family.

By the way, I have a new draft.

[ gasps]

If that was Jonathan,
who stoleded Wawa?

That's what I want to know.

Chuckie,
you looked everywhere?

Under stuff?

Tommy, I always keep Wawa
right next to me.

He was tooked!

Wait, I got something.

What is it?

I think it may be...

Cynthia?

What is Cynfia
doing down there?

I think I fingered it out.

If we got Cynthia,
what do you think Angelica gots?

Come on.

Okay, sprouts, Grandpa Lou's
watching you like a hawk.

And this time
there'll be no getting away.

[ snores]

It's my most prized possession.

They say it belonged to
Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

Let me show you
my most prized possession

in the whole wild world.

Huh?

[ screams]

[ gasps]:
Wawa!

You're okay!

No! He's disgusting!

You dum-- mm...

mazingly wonderful
precious babies.

We found Cynthia, Angelica.

Gimme her!

Oh, Cynthia, I'm sorry.

In the dark, I must've grabbed
that dumb Wawa instead of you.

Wawa, I'm here.

You don't gots
to be scared no more.

Misery solved.

We better go back now

before your grandpa figures out
we're not there.

Hmm.

I told you I didn't
like the looks of him.

Next stop,
Little Biendeltown.

[ train whistle blows]

[ ding]

[ air hissing]

That was a nice visit.

Now back on the train.

[ monotone]:
For another... ... hours.

That rubber band
sure was big.

Come on, Brett,
we got to go.

I'm afraid not,
Angelica.

I'm staying.

What? What do you mean?

My family lives here.

They run the Biendeltown
School of Deportment
and Ballroom Dancing.

Then... I guess
this is... bye.

The party was such sweet sorrow.

Wait a sec.

'Cause of you, I was being
all nice to those blechy babies.

You mean,
the precious ones?

Gimme a break!

Later, smoothie.

I told you everything
would work out, Chuckie.

Uh-huh.

Now we can have
a nice, fun trip

with nothing crazy happening.

[ gobbling]

BORIS:
I'm very excited.