03x05 - The Holly Bears a Prickle/ Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

[bunniefuu]

[honks horn.]

- [honks horn.]

- Oh! You're early.

[woman moans.]

- [Louisa whimpers.]

- [Pauline.]

Sorry, sorry.

- l think we're in.

- [Louisa sighs.]

- Everything all right? - Morning, Martin.

Couldn't find a vein.

Really? The antecubital fossa is presenting nicely.

- Got any lab request forms? - Yes, in the stationary cupboard.

- Lovely day for the concert.

- Yes.

l don't know what you're supposed to wear, though.

Well, l'm sure you'll look very nice.

Thank you.

- [door closes.]

- l'll pick you up at 5.

30? Brilliant.

Are you Mum? Pauline's mother, yes, at 9.

30.

Mrs Lamb.

Dawn Lamb.

Come through.

l never had it until Pauline was born Ow! Fit as a fiddle l was, bloomin'.

Now look at me.

l'm not naturally a nervy person, excitable maybe.

She was never easy, l can assure you.

Quite demanding, stubborn.

Still is.

But l dare say you'd know all about that, eh? l'm not saying it's all her fault, a child is a child, needs boundaries - [sighs.]

it could take all day - Be quiet.

Mrs Lamb, you have a mild digestive disorder, but l see from your notes, it's also persistent.

- l - l do the relaxation exercise that Dr Simm gave me, but it never seems to get completely better.

- ''A mystery'' he called it.

- He was an appalling doctor.

- Pardon? - You've been on dicyclomine for the last 15 years.

A low dose of nortriptyline for five before that.

Do you have any symptoms at all? Other than a persecution complex and the occasional tummy twinge? Your stomach is bloated.

Do you sometimes experience diarrhoea, loss of appetite, nausea? - Well, it's not really bloated.

- What would you call it? l'm gonna put you on an exclusion diet.

No dairy at all.

Make an appointment for one month's time with the receptionist.

-[computer rattling.]

- [door opens.]

l'm to come back in a month.

- [Mrs Lamb grunts.]

- Early morning? - l'm not worse, thanks for asking.

- Oh, good.

He didn't give me any more dr*gs.

l hope he knows what he's doing, Lord Muck.

Yes.

Twelfth OK? Your handwriting looks like a spider crawled all over it.

See you later then.

[door opens, closes.]

[Bert.]

Hundred and twenty-seven pounds, fifty.

Last time we had the crap weather, fishing was up.

Books not balancing, eh, Mick? They do if you look at them, but l don't know where all the cash has gone.

Yet, still, Mick says we'll be all right.

- Enjoying your holiday there, huh? - Morning, Dawn.

- l'm not on holiday.

- Oh, just looks like it? He's gone back to plumbing.

Applied for a grant and all.

Perfecting the tea-drinking aspect first, yeah? Him and Pauline are just made for each other.

Here, you got a tenner? Dawn, l'm afraid we're gonna have to do our own ironing for a bit.

Just until we get back on an even keel, business-wise.

Oh, dear.

This place seems jinxed, doesn't it? - Why is that? - No one has ever made a go of it, not in all the time l've lived here.

Hmm, it seems perfectly normal.

ls everything all right at home? Um how do you mean? Are you and your wife any more unhappy than usual? No pretty much the same.

- Do you have to do this? - lf you want me to help you, yes.

Who normally takes the initiative? You or Mrs Pierce? Pardon? ln sexual activity, generally, one is keener than the other.

- Who starts it? - [stammers.]

With Mrs Pierce? - Who are you? - Nicholas Elliot.

- What's your problem? - l can't sleep.

- Get dressed.

- Can l get dressed? Pauline! These are Mr Pierce's notes.

This is one of the simpler things l ask you to do.

lt's not difficult.

Mr Elliot, Mr Elliot's notes.

l've just Your minor phlebotomy duty is meant in addition to your existing ones.

Not a signal to abandon your basic function as my secretary.

- Yes, Doctor.

- What? - l've no reason to abandon things.

- ls something the matter? No, Doctor.

l apologise.

lt won't happen again.

Yeah.

[car approaching.]

- Louisa.

- Hello, Martin.

Good evening.

Thank you.

You look nice.

l've not seen that one before, have l? - Are those shoes gonna be all right? - Yeah, l think so.

Why? Well, it's outdoor, it could be muddy.

- Going somewhere special? - A concert.

- lt's for charity.

- Don't do anything l wouldn't do.

- What? - We won't.

Bye, Joe.

[chattering indistinctly.]

- Very posh.

- Mmm-hmm.

Oh, there's my aunt.

- Auntie Joan? - Oh, good Lord, what are you doing out? - Hello, Louisa.

- A friend of mine's one of the players.

lt should be nice anyway, it's a lovely evening and it's for charity.

- You on your own? - Hmm? Oh, that's very sweet of you, but no, dear, l'm helping Annie Duff.

No, you just carry on.

- Annie Duff? - No idea.

[soft music playing.]

[singing opera in foreign language.]

[up-tempo music plays.]

[audience applauds.]

[chattering indistinctly.]

lt's funny being out, isn't it? Away from the village, all dressed up.

- Yes, it is.

- l don't think l recognise anyone here.

- Well, apart from Joan.

- Yeah.

Hello, stranger! Finally, we get to see each other! You don't look one day older.

Look at you! Are you enjoying our little band? We're loving it.

We can't believe you're not professionals, can we, Martin? Martin, this is Holly.

Holly - Louisa's told me a lot about you.

- No, l haven't.

l think we share friends in London.

Johnny Bamford asked to be remembered to you.

- Ah.

- Johnny and Martin were consultants - together at St.

Thomas's.

- What a small world.

- How long are you staying? - Just the one night.

Whistle-stop tour.

Tomorrow we head off to the Drum and Marius at Bude.

and then Hayley Court for the long weekend.

No wonder you don't want to stay with me.

Oh, not at all.

lt is probably easier here, though.

l'm looking forward to seeing your school - [bell ringing.]

- it sounds idyllic.

About one-ish? - Come for lunch.

- Oh, sorry, no can do.

Busy, busy.

l've just got time for a cup of coffee and that guided tour.

Hope you enjoy the rest of the performance.

Lovely to meet you.

- Bye! - Bye.

She's gotten really confident.

l mean, she was never exactly shy at college, but she's grown somehow.

l know l'm ahead, too, but Holly actually owns half her school and she can play that cello thing.

- Hello.

- Not for me, thanks.

Go on, they're gonna be delicious.

Salmonella on croup, made yesterday by unwashed strangers.

No thank you.

Martin.

You remember Annie, don't you? - Um - You sat next to her at my 60th.

Annie made all the food for tonight.

Annie, this is Louisa Gla - What happened? - Bit of a mix-up.

You being you usual charming self? - He didn't know he knew her.

- l need the lavatory.

l'll meet you outside.

lt was a great concert.

l'd better get back.

[woman singing opera.]

- You're very emotional, Louisa.

- Shh! What? You're not obliged to spoil it, you know.

- Are you wearing perfume? - Yes.

- ls it sandalwood? - No.

lt's Kenzo Flower.

Androstenol pheromones.

Androstadienone-five is a sandalwood, faintly urine-like, if you prefer.

lt's the pheromone associated with the onset of the menstrual cycle.

And it's often accompanied by mood swings.

- Urine-like? - Yeah, it's only faint.

Am l right? A woman doesn't have to be gettin' her period to be a bit emotional.

ls, uh, something else bothering you? - Would you like the radio on? - l'm not bothered.

lt's because l spotted your mood swing, isn't it? l, uh, l wasn't criticising, if you want to know.

l'm interested.

Mood disorders are significantly more common amongst women than men.

This appears to be linked to the effect of the oestrogenlprogesterone balance l don't care.

l thought you might like to know why you're cross.

l'm not cross, Martin.

You seem cross.

lt's us, Martin.

We're not going anywhere, and we never will.

And l'm sorry, Martin, l'm really, really sorry.

But l don't want to see you anymore.

Goodbye.

[door opens, closes.]

l used to go once a day, in the morning.

Jack used to say he could set his watch by me.

Now, if l'm lucky, it's once in four, five days.

And they're horrid, shrivelled little things.

Not like a properjob, eh? Excuse my language.

lt might be what l'm eating, of course.

[voice fades.]

Are you gonna let it down? [air hissing.]

Fine.

- Pauline? - Yep.

l'm going out.

Mrs Pouston needs a blood test.

l'll do it.

Switch that off.

That's really stupid! Don't have to tell me twice.

One citrate, one heparin, yeah? - Hello, Marty.

- Hi, Joan.

[girls chatter indistinctly.]

- Hello.

- Hello.

lsn't this gorgeous? Strange.

Someone knocked at the door, it couldn't have been you.

l didn't see anybody.

When will the results come back? lt's all taken care of Mrs Pouston, off you go now.

You on lunch yet? l got us a picnic.

Oh, that's really sweet, Al, but there's stuff l gotta do, sorry.

[sighs.]

Well, l don't mind waiting if it's not too long.

- You should take a break, Pauline - Right.

Picnic.

Lovely.

- But - Come on, then.

- Well, don't do me any favours.

- [scoffs.]

l won't then.

[Joan.]

Are you gonna run a restaurant for carnivores? Where are you going to get your vegetables? Marty! Will you come here? He's not gonna tell me the price of veg.

We have a verbal contract, Bert.

Oh, what am l going to do with all this stuff? [game beeping.]

- What's going on? - Oh, lighten up, Al.

- [door opens.]

- [Joan.]

Marty? Oh! Bert doesn't want my vegetables.

Too expensive.

Perfectly reasonably priced, cheaper than the market.

Fool's not going to make any money if he hasn't any fruit to serve.

Yes.

- Yes, what? - Sorry.

Uh, what did you say? - What are you so glum about? - l'm fine.

Oh.

Well, what's for lunch? Um, l'm not ,uh, actually eating.

- OK, l'll be off then.

- Fine.

Things go doolally between you and Louisa last night? - Hmm? - Oh, she seemed a bit fed up.

Any outing between the two of you is an accident waiting to happen.

Sorry, Martin, but there it is.

l had better cr*ck on.

- Oh, Marty.

- Thanks for the vegetables.

l think you're brilliant to have stuck it out in the state sector.

- How many to a class? - Thirty-five, average.

God, how exhausting.

- Still, it is a pretty spot.

- lt's beautiful, isn't it? lt's just a teensy bit claustrophobic, no? l bet you know who lives in every little cottage.

And that's got its upside.

What do fishermen talk about? l'm sure it can't be just fish.

They're not all fisherman.

There's all sorts here, some wonderful people.

Really? You don't miss London at all? l miss college and all that sometimes.

But that was 100 years ago.

A hundred and fifty thousand.

Now that's head salary plus dividends, of course.

lt was really tricky, at first, just filling the classrooms.

You've not had to bother with that, of course.

Just open the doors and there they are, the great unwashed, with their kiddies queuing up.

What? - Your accent.

- What about it? l don't know.

A lot posher than it was in Graham Terrace.

[scoffs.]

Well, l suppose it is.

l hadn't really thought about it.

- You've gone more yokel.

- l'm not criticising.

You know, it happens, doesn't it? lt's who one mixes with.

l've become quite good friends with some of the parents, actually, which is nice.

And it also means that there tends to be somewhere warm to go on the holidays.

Your boyfriend's got a bobble, too, isn't he? l don't really know.

He's not my boyfriend.

- A bit of a bust-up last night? - Yes.

- Terminal? - Yep.

Oh, l'm sorry, ladies, but lunch has stopped.

Uh, we do have some pasties or there's some nice cheesecake.

Just coffee, thanks.

Would that be caffetierre or instant? Caffetierre, please, Bert.

Lou, what are you doing in the autumn break? - You said you had to work.

- Mmm.

So what's going on? l have to send Mrs Whats-its tests to the lab, - order more paper towels - [Al sighs.]

you know, stuff.

- With you and Mick.

- [Pauline.]

Nothing.

[Al.]

Oh, really? Well that's not what it looked like, Pauline.

Oh, Al, you are so sweet when you're this wrong.

He was just in the pub.

Just don't trust him, Pauline, he's a creep, he's - Pauline Lamb? - Mmm-hmm.

l've come for the scooter, love.

You're three weeks behind.

Sorry.

Hang on.

No, no.

No.

No.

Please, l can pay.

All right.

Not right now, but tomorrow, first thing.

- [Pauline whimpers.]

- [Al.]

Come on, she said she'd pay.

- She hasn't gotten a letter or - Don't do that, sir.

Al, come on, leave that man alone.

Pauline, get inside.

- You, mind your own business.

- [dog continues barking.]

Now, you will think about it, l mean seriously.

- We are not getting any younger.

- That is true.

Spare room's tiny, but stay as long as you like.

Just have a sniff about.

l'm sure the comprehensives will be gagging for you.

Take a look at Queens Gate, too, of course.

Not the headship, l'm afraid that's already gone.

We can have a little party.

See if l can rustle up Joe and Libby.

Oh! Oh! [bloodcurdling scream.]

- Not now, l'll deal with it.

- She paid cash for that - and money from her scratch card - Obviously not.

- l want to make sure she's OK.

- She isn't, you can't fix it.

- You can see her after work.

- But Goodbye, Al.

[crying.]

All right.

- Mr Knight? - Armstrong.

Wait in there.

Pauline, do you have a gambling problem? - l never win anymore.

- Are you addicted? Are you in control of your betting, or is your betting in control of you? [phone ringing.]

- Surgery.

- [Pauline weeping.]

Where? Don't touch her.

Pauline, cancel all my appointments and wait there.

- [door opens, closes.]

- [sobbing.]

[man chattering indistinctly.]

- What's her name? - Holly.

Holly, what happened? l was climbing down that thing [gasps.]

And then she jumped and sort of slipped.

Where does it hurt? Don't point! - Base of my spine.

- Do you have a history of back trouble? - Nothing this bad.

- Can you get up? No.

- All right, where are you staying? - l've got to be in Bude by 5.

00.

- Not today.

- l don't have any choice.

- Up you get then.

- You can stay at my place.

We need a board to carry her on.

Got anything on your boat there, Bob? Needs a door or something.

- What does? - To carry her on.

[mutters indistinctly.]

- Not many doors on a beach.

- lf it was driftwood.

- Maybe.

- [man.]

This all right, Doc? Yes, yes! Just, uh, put it down beside her.

[Holly whimpering.]

- [cries out.]

- [Martin.]

All right.

On my count: One, two, three.

- [all grunting.]

- [Holly screaming.]

- [gasping.]

- [Martin.]

All right.

[whimpering.]

[chattering indistinctly.]

Steady, then, boys, steady.

[men grunting.]

Lower away, stand back, now.

- [chattering indistinctly.]

- [moans.]

- Upstairs all right? - Anywhere near a lavatory.

- [Holly grunts.]

- [man.]

Steady.

Actually, let me go first.

- [men chattering.]

- [Holly.]

Oh! Careful first thing in the morning, shaving, doing your teeth.

You'll be right for the rest of the day.

- Do you stretch? - No.

Never stretch.

Don't force it.

Just be careful that first half hour.

Get her head around, boys.

- 'Cause once it's gone, it's gone.

- That's right.

And then all you can do is wait.

- Let the body heal itself, that right? - Yes, it is.

All right, on my count: One, two, three.

- [screams.]

- Thank you, gentlemen.

Any numbness or tingling in your legs? - Um, this one, a little.

- You may have ruptured a disk.

Anti-inflammatories.

Two every four hours.

lf that doesn't do it, l'll consider an epidural.

When it calms down, he'll have a proper look.

Yes, all right.

Thank you.

- What've you got for the pain? - Paracetamol and codeine.

- Mrs Tishell'll have some if you don't.

- Yep.

Call Pauline if it gets much worse, otherwise l'll call in the morning before surgery.

- Will l be OK to drive tomorrow? - No.

You'll be here for a while.

Unless you can't make it to the lavatory in which case you'll be hospitalised.

- Louisa.

- Bye-bye.

l'll just go fetch some water.

lt's quite serious then if you're coming back tomorrow.

l ought to keep an eye on her.

Call if you need to.

Oh, God.

- Good evening.

- You had your supper? - Uh, yes l have, actually.

- Liar.

So, are you still down in the dumps then? What do you want, Auntie Joan? Well, l didn't want you to go on moping for too long, so l decided to speed the process up a bit.

Oh, goody.

Quit fretting, Martin.

You're chalk and cheese, the pair of you.

She was never going to make you happy.

- Observe and move on.

- Jolly good.

- l'm not hungry, you know? - Shh, shh! - [switch clicks.]

- Hmm.

- Why do you say that? - Say what? - That we're chalk and cheese.

- Nothing you can do about it.

Oh, thanks, that's really helpful.

- She likes people.

- Are you saying that l don't? l'm not criticising you, Marty.

You are Well, you're you.

lf by that you mean that l say what l think, l don't have a predisposition toward a convenient lie, then yes, guilty as charged.

What does one have to do to achieve a blissful personal life like you? - l notice you live alone.

- Thank you, Marty.

We are what we are, we can't change.

- Nonsense, we can.

- No, we can't.

- Can.

Maybe you couldn't, but l could.

- What? Talk rubbish and smile all the time, if there was any point.

But there isn't, so l don't.

lt's quite simple.

Morning, Doctor.

Off to do the epidural? Bobby Skinner carried her up from the harbour.

l do his ironing.

How's the non-lactose diet coming along, Mrs Lamb? - What? - Doing without milk, are you managing? - Well, l do my best.

- l'm sure you do.

Good.

Morning, Dawn.

[Holly screams.]

What's happened? Oh, take up my weight.

l need to pee! Under the arm, oh, down! My hands at least.

[panting.]

Forward, forward, forward, forward.

Oh, God! - [shudders.]

- Did you sleep all right? Like a baby.

How do you think l slept? Every time l moved, l woke up in agony.

- Sorry.

- [screams.]

What time is Dr Delight getting here with the dr*gs? [doorbell buzzes.]

- Good morning.

- Good morning.

Thank you.

How's the patient this morning? l don't know how much she's exaggerating, but she's complaining a hell of a lot and l can't do anything right.

Aww, well, she must be in a lot of pain.

- Good morning, Holly.

- Hi.

- Did you get a good night's sleep? - No, l bloody didn't.

Oh, dear.

Well, let's have a little look at you, shall we? Uh, can you lie on your tummy? - Would you like some assistance? - No.

l'll do it.

- Here - Ow! - Careful, Louisa.

- Sorry.

That's it now, can you get on your front for me? - [whimpering.]

- Don't hurry.

- ln your own time.

- [crying.]

Brave girl.

- Um, what are you doing? - What? - Being weird with Holly.

- l'm not being weird.

Yes you are.

You're being all smarmy.

l'm not being smarmy.

l'm helping your horrid friend.

- What do you want me to do? - [Holly.]

Pillow! Yep.

- [grunts.]

- OK.

l'm injecting cortisone direct to the affected area.

Make you comfortable.

- Why didn't you give it yesterday? - lf l had masked the pain, you'd do something stupid before the trauma stabilised.

Um the swelling needs time to subside.

Now, where does it hurt? [moans.]

[moans louder.]

Yeah, yes.

Hmm.

[gasping.]

- Ooh.

- There you go.

[panting.]

Will l be all right to drive this afternoon? Uh, no.

No.

The tissue still needs time to heal.

- Well, how much time? - [Martin.]

Two or three days probably.

- Oh, God.

- God.

l'm finished.

- Martin? - OK, so what was wrong with that? - With what? - When l was being congenial.

- Why do you always find fault? - Me? Yes, you! l don't think you know what you want.

- Was that for me? - Well There's no good acting nice, Martin.

You've got to want to.

Why?! - [Dawn panting.]

- Mum? How could you, Pauline? How could you? - What's that then? - My credit card.

One thousand, two hundred and ninety-five pounds, fifty.

Vanished to Vegas Golden Nugget.

Notjust a scrubber, you are a thief, as well.

She has always been disappointing, but this goes too far.

This is criminal.

This is stealing from her own mother! l'm an addict! lt's not my fault.

l'm addicted, aren't l, Doc? You're a criminal, that's what you are.

An ordinary, low-down, common dirty little thief - She's ill, you horrible woman.

- Take her side? How dare you? She is not ill.

She is weak.

She should be locked up and throw away the key.

Mrs Lamb you're ignorant so l'll try and keep this simple.

Your daughter doesn't want to gamble.

She derives no pleasure from gambling.

She's not in control, it controls her.

lt is an illness, and for you to call it a weakness is unkind and unhelpful.

She is likely to have a genetic predisposition - towards addiction, which she has a - Five bananas! Five bananas! - What? - Oh, my God.

- How much? How much? - Mrs Lamb! Get out! Pauline.

Call Gambler's Anonymous immediately, or you don't work here anymore.

Switch that off.

They didn't have any sundried, so l bought some fresh.

[Holly.]

Whatever.

- Coffee? - Holly.

lt's all right.

l'm being careful.

- You should be lying down.

- How long for? A week? l'm afraid my schedule can't quite accommodate that.

Bloody doctors.

Just give me the dr*gs, l'll do the rest.

He knows his stuff.

lf he says you shouldn't get up, then He's just covering his ass.

l'm not going to do anything stupid, am l? - [screams.]

- [glass shatters.]

Yeah, but if they're addicts, how can that help? Yeah, all right.

All right.

l'll give it a go.

See you on Thursday.

- For the scooter.

- Oh, Al.

lt's my part of growing up.

- [phone rings.]

- Oh, that's really sweet, Al.

Ah, it was horrible.

Them coming like you had stolen it.

- Mmm-hmm.

- Pay me back one day.

- What's that money? - Al gave it to me.

- Just a lend, Doc.

- Give it back.

[stammers.]

Phone.

Portwenn Surgery.

Yep.

Ooh.

lt's Glasson.

Louisa? Has she got a pulse? ls she breathing? Don't touch her, l'll be right there.

- What did she cut herself on? - A bottle.

lt was a milk bottle.

- Holly! - [Louisa.]

Holly! Open your eyes, Holly.

[Louisa.]

Martin! Holly? Where are we? We've got to, um check the bleeding.

Let's get her on her side.

- Now very careful with her back.

- [moans, then screams.]

That's all right.

Holly, which hurts worse, the usual place or here? [breathing hard.]

Usual place, usual place! - [instruments clatter.]

- You, uh, cut the shirt.

- ls that OK? - Just up to the glass.

[moaning, whimpering.]

- Now, this will help the pain a lot.

- Good.

[muttering unintelligible.]

All right.

[clears throat.]

All right.

Do you want me to do it? - [gasps.]

- [glass clinks.]

- That hurt, Holly? - Just a bit.

Holly? What happened? God! She's morphine intolerant.

- The injection? - lt's gonna be OK.

Right.

ln my bag, top left hand corner there's a glass vial.

- Nalmafene.

- Nalmafene.

[exhales.]

This? Right.

Can you do this? No, l'd prefer the syringe instead.

Ah.

OK, take the top off - insert that, then draw it up.

- Uh-huh.

- All the way up.

- l will.

Ahh! - Have you got another one? - Open the shirt.

- All right, don't touch her.

-[machine charging.]

[charging up.]

- What's that? - Adrenaline.

[grunts.]

[gasps.]

[sirens approaching.]

[speaking indistinctly.]

That was brilliant.

l'll get my bag.

[ambulance engine starts.]

lt's all right.

l'll do that later.

l'll be off then.

You're an extraordinary man, Martin.

No, l'm not.

Marry me.

What was that? Please, Louisa, l can't bear to be without you.

Will you marry me? Yes! Yes, Martin, l will!