01x08 - It's Cupid, Stupid

[bunniefuu]

[ copier beeps]

I was just making a flyer
for a lost brownie.

I swear.

Don't tell me.

You think there's a pattern

to what the school
chef serves--

like that's how he communicates

with fellow aliens?

A brownie with blue cheese
and sour balls--

tell me I'm not on to something.

GIRL:
Four, three, two, one!

[ rock music playing]

♪ Every birthday,
my mom and dad would say ♪

♪ "You're another year older,
another year wiser" ♪

♪ But I still go to school

♪ To get an education

♪ I treat each and every day

♪ Like a mini vacation

♪ All grown up!

♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪

♪ All grown up!

♪ I want the world to know

♪ All grown up!

♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪

♪ All grown up

♪ With you

♪ All grown up with...

♪ you.

And who are you?

Lil "Q," transfer student.

From where?

Um, from pretty
far away.

Really.

Far, far away?

At last!

When I least expected it.

You've made contact with me.

You have the classic
characteristics--

the hyperextended index finger,
the giant forehead,

the minuscule chin!

Wait a minute.

You don't have
those things.

That's because I'm not an alien.

Oh, sorry.

You're just your basic
new kid in school.

Uh, yeah.

Oh, and a hacky sacker.

Cool.

Can you teach me
to do that,

only with a piano?

Sorry, it's just something
you're just born with.

That's weird.

Right.

Valentine's Day
and the school dance.

Once Cupid's arrow
pierces your heart or shoulder

or any of the major
extremities, really,

the first person you see

is the person you'll love
for all eternity,

even if he doesn't
love you back.

You could water
the football field

with that drool,
girlfriend.

You better not have
ideas about going

to the dance with Sean.

He's mine.

Dude, do I look
better sitting
like this

or like this?

Oh, say it isn't so.

TOMMY:
Valentine's dance?

I'm ten.

Who needs this kind
of pressure?

It's hard enough
handing out cards.

What do you say
we just make it

a guys-there-
for-the-free-eats
kind of thing?

I'm with you, Tommy.

Though , when it comes
to social maturity,

I'm still at the bottom
of the escalator.

So it's you and me,
me and you.

Solid.

Besides, girls are
the last thing on my...

Oh, hi, Nicole.

Hi, Chuckie.

[ sighs]
Chuckie.

What were we
talking about?

So you're a tag-team
hacky sacker

presently without a team
because your aim is lame.

Makes sense.

I just got to work
on target practice.

Happens every February.

Whoa! That's when I talk
without verbs.

I don't get Valentine's Day.

This isn't even how
a real heart is shaped.

You're getting
sauce on it.

LIL:
And as third in charge

of the dance
decorating committee,

no sauce is allowed on any
decoration without my say-so.

Sorry.

So it might be safe
to assume you'd like

to go to the dance with me
and the Chuckman?

I don't have to buy
you guys corsages, do I?

[ chuckling]

Good one,
huh, Chuckie?

Huh?

Oh, uh, yeah.

Um, Tommy,
I've been kind of thinking,

and I'm, well,
what I mean is, um, it seems...

[ whimpers]

Don't get mad,

but I'm thinking about
asking Nicole to the dance.

What?!

We had a deal.

I know, but I feel

like I've had an emotional
growth spurt since then.

Since five minutes ago?

Kind of.

She gave me a nice hello.

I think she's
finally over

that unfortunate
Chongo incident

and is seeing me
as a worthwhile human being.

Fine.

I'll watch Phil play
"see food" all night.

Okay,
I won't ask her.

I promised you
we'd go as guys,
uh, together.

Oh, no, Chuckie,

that's dumb.

You should go for it.

Really?

Thanks, T.

What's the worst
that could happen?

Nicole could laugh

until she gets
a cramp in her side

before sh**ting
you down.

[ Angelica laughing]

You're going--
right, Angelica?

Only with the most popular boy
in school.

Morris Inskeep?

The kid who can peel
the dead skin

off his feet
in one yank?

Ooh! That's gross,
even for you.
I'm talking about Sean Butler.

Whoa! He asked you?

Yes, he just
doesn't know it yet.

What's up with
Miss Meanie

dissing Chuckman
about Nicole?

Don't know.

Hey, are you going
to eat your carrot

and red-licorice salad?

Copy away, Lil Dil.

ANGELICA:
When I tell you to,

beg me to go to
the dance with you,

and use those lines
I gave you.

But I already told you
I can't go with anyone.

I'm deejaying,
and...

Beg!

HAROLD:
"Please, oh, please,

"won't you...

"pleasego to the dance...

with me,Angelica?!"

"Get down on bended knee and..."

Not that part.

[ loudly]:
You're the fifth boy
who's asked me,

and for the fifth
time, no!

I'm waiting
for the perfect guy--

one who's as good looking
and as popular as I.

But who could it be?

[ sighs]

[ whispering]

Yo.

Hmm?

You're messing up
the game.

Is it me
or is that kind of pathetic?

Pretty bold wonk.

I've seen worse.

Oh... [ chuckles].

That was Angelica, too.

I'm glad I'm not bent
about the dance.

Me, too.

We are going as a group, right?

All for one,
one for all.

I got to say
I'm a little bummed

about Chuckie
asking Nicole.

It was supposed to be

a who-cares-about-
Valentine's-Day night.

Okay, this is going
to sound pretty uncool,

but I'm kind of hoping
she turns him down.

Did you hear that?

I didn't know Tommy
was into Nicole.

Last chance
to change your mind.

Nope.

I'm going
to do this, Tommy.

Um, am I sweaty?

Braces broccoli-free?

How's my breath?

[ exhales]

What are you
so nervous for?

You talk to Nicole
all the time.

Yeah, well,
words come easy

when you're not
asking someone out

on your first date!

Okay, here I go.

Break a leg.

You know, um,

I need a real
challenge.

Like kicking it
into the book

that girl's holding.

Ooh!

[ yells]

Chuckie, when I said,
"Break a leg,"

I didn't mean, you know,
break a leg.

Minor setback.

Not a problem.

Um, Nicole...

Tommy Pickles!

You are the cutest
boy in school.

Okay, that's
a problem.

Dang!

Tommy, walk me
to my locker?

Well, uh,
I, uh, can't.

Got to see a guy
about a thing.

Okay, see you later.

What's going on with her?

I was going to ask you
the same thing.

She sure acts
like she likes you.

I've got to
hit her again...

you know, um,
to be polite.

So I'd like
to compare notes

on what it's like
to be sopopular

people actually
hate you.

[ grunts softly]

Dang!

Yo, what was...

Susie.

Are you going
to the dance?

Want to go with me?

Want to go steady?

I'm not being
too pushy, am I?

No, no, no, and yes.

Tight--
a definite maybe.

You want to take Susie
to the dance?

Susie?!

Yeah, she's great.

And I never knew it
till just now, Angela.

It's Angelica.

Don't move.

You stole Sean from me,
you... you Sean-stealer!

Did not.

I was minding my own business.

More like you
were minding mine!

[ sighs]

Oh, man.

So there's points off
for hitting a Sean

instead of a Nicole?

Oh, yeah.

And I thought the rule of thumb
was complicated.

So you're sure
you're not forgetting

about a time you
saved her life

or bought her
a dessert

or a car?

No.

Well, you had
to do something

to make her suddenly
like you so much.

I didn't, Chuckie.

I swear.

Besides, I wouldn't
do that to you.

She's probably
just being polite.

I know she likes you
way more than me.

Really? You think?

I've been looking
for you.
"Happy Valentine's Day."

[ Mexican tune playing]

Thanks, and it isn't
even Valentine's Day yet,

uh, except in Mexico,
I guess.

I give the really
special ones early.

Oh, hi, Chuckie.

You get the special one.

Man, I am
totally sorry.

This is like a really bad
after-school special.

I want to do something
to help,

but I don't know what.

I think you've
done enough!

But...

DIL:
I'm thinking
the school environment

may be cramping
your style.

You're more of an
outside-the-box type.

And in light
of your recent mishaps,

perhaps you should
work your way up to humans

with some stationary
ego-building targets.

I'll, uh, go order
the smoothies.

If you know
what's good for you,

you'll keep Susie--

the boy-swiper--
away from "Z."

Oh, yeah,

because I'm bored with Sean,
who I stole just yesterday.

[ both laughing]

A] Susie's like my best friend,

and B] Z is just a good bud.

Thanks for
the alphabet lesson,

but I still say
you can't trust her.

Right.

Watch and learn.

Susie,
want to help Z

carry the smoothies
back to the table?

If you think you can trust me.

[ both laughing]

I thought you might need help.

Susie, Susie,

Susie.

Huh?

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

[ door bell jangles]

Susie, there you are.

I've got it covered,
so buzz off.

Oh, yeah?

I'm taking her
to the dance.

I'm taking her.

Z, we're going as a group--

you, me and Kimi,
remember?

Kimi?
Kimi who?

Kimi who?

I'm taking Susie
to the dance.

I'm taking her.

You're not supposed
to be taking anyone!

You're not
supposed to care.

I don't.

I-I mean, I didn't.

Okay, I do.

Name your corsage.

My uncle runs
a limo company.

I can get us box seats
at the opera...

...if, you know,
that's where we're going.

Hmm?

I don't know what's going on.

Best friends? Ha!

Kimi, wait!

SEAN:
Susie, wait.

Z:Hold on!
[ grunting and groaning]

SEAN:
Susie!

Dang!

Okay, there's
no point in working

your slow twitch
muscles,

since most targets will
probably be moving.

So we'll focus on
your fast twitch ones,

enhancing
muscle memory.

I'm going to run;
you throw.

Thanks, Dil,
but my mojo's a no go.

They give me one week a year
to show my stuff

and I blew it.

Maybe I better hand in
the hacky sacks.

[ phone rings]

Pickles residence.

Oh...

Uh, hi.

Pork chops.

Homework.

TV.

Bye.

Was someone
taking a survey?

Kind of.

It was a girl.

But she's madly in love
with me or something.

S-She may go ballistic.

Mmm...
the Pickles curse.

I mean, Chuckie's the one
who likes her.

Uh-huh.

He wants to take her
to the dance.

BOTH:
Ah.

Only he never
got a chance to ask her.

Maybe once she finds out

hewants to take her
to the dance,

she won't be

interested in me.

Hey, thanks for your help.

I don't know
what we said,

but I'm glad
we said it.

What's with Spike's
sudden interest

in the vacuum's
venetian blind attachment?

CHUCKIE:
Uh, Kimi.

I just wanted to tell you

the same thing
that's going on

with you, Susie and Z

is going on with me,
Tommy and Nicole.

So I know
what you're feeling.

Oh, really?

You suddenly realized
you have a crush on Z, too,

and your best friend's
a backstabber?

Not exactly.

The difference is,
I've given this
a lot of thought

and I'll be darned if
I'm going to let this

ruin my friendship with Tommy.

If he swears
he did nothing

to make Nicole
fall madly in love with him

and reduce me to a grain of sand
on the beach of life,

then...

I believe him.

He even told me
to ask her to the dance.

Oh, yeah?

I heard him say
he was hoping Nicole

would turn you down.

What? No way!

Tommy'd never
do anything like that.

That's what I thought
about Susie.

Nicole.

Uh-huh?

Well...
what would you say

if some guy, uh,
who's really nice
but kind of shy,

wanted to take you
to the dance?

I'd love to go
to the dance with you, Tommy.

What?!

Oh, it's so cute

when a boy
makes up a fake boy

just to test the waters.

No, no!

Oh, I can't wait
to tell everyone.

Tommy's taking me
to the dance.

Tommy's taking
me to the dance.

Chuckie,
believe me,

she got it
all wrong.

I don't want
to take her
to the dance.

Tommy.

How could you lie to me?

I'm not.

It's all
a mistake.

Sure-- the only mistake
I can see

is the one I've been making
for the last nine years:

you know, thinking you were
my best friend!

But it's not
what it looked like.

Dang!

Like I said,

we... can't... go...

to the dance...
together... Nicole.

[ giggling flirtatiously]

But you'll be there
and I'll be there,

so we will be going together.

You're so cute
when you're confused.

[ smooching]

You heard me
tell her no, right?

Yep.

How come she
didn't hear it?

[ starts]

Sean is the perfect
guy for me

and you know it.

We are totally alike.

He does stare at himself

in the mirror
as much as you do.

So you'll tell him
you're not interested?

I'm not interested
in him or Z!

And I told them so.

I wish they'd both
just leave me alone.

Boy, you tell them no
and they come back for more.

Hey, maybe Sean's
the kind of guy

who likes rejection--
my specialty.

Thanks, Miss No-Longer-
An-Item-With-Sean.

Phew.

I finally lost them
at the bookstore.

Hey, Susie.

Is it me, Chuckie,

or does Valentine's Day
make people

a little nuts?

It's like Kimi
and I were never
best friends.

[ screams]

How can you say that?

Well, if we were,
she'd have believed me

when I told her I didn't have
anything to do with Z liking me.

Well, yeah, but sometimes
the evidence is just so...

I mean, isn't that the point
of being best friends?

You trust each other

even when everything
is telling you not to.

That's not crazy,
is it?

No.

Not crazy.

Not crazy at all.

Chuckie, you want to go
to the dance with me?

Uh... okay.

Just as guys, right?

Susie really said that?

And I cut her out of
a picture of us last night.

Well, we can start
taking new pictures.

Right now.

I arranged these

in an ancient Aztec symbol
denoting friendship.

Take one, and it'll say
something totally different.

Like "cover your mouth
before coughing."

How Valentine's Day
is that?

DIL:
You're going to get
it right this time.

I feel it.

And when Dil Pickles
feels something,

it's not gas
or indigestion.

You don't need training.

You need untraining.

Just let it go, Lil "Q,"
and be one with your muse.

Let it go.

Hello, Chuckie.

No-- my turn to talk.

While my confidence
tablecloth

has been yanked out
from under me

because Nicole
doesn't like me

the way she
likes you...

you're still
my best friend.

And if you tell me

you don't know what's
going on, I believe you.

ANGELICA:
I'm so afraid Sean Butler

is going to ask me to dance,

and I can't stand him.

[ cell phone rings]

What?

No, I don't need more
long-distance minutes.

Huh?

Hey, you're here with
Harold and his k*ller hits.

Time to kick things off,
so grab a partner.

[ rhythmic dance music playing]

Don't think so!

Go work that
Finster magic,
Chuckie,

and ask her
to dance.

We got ourselves
an incoming.

Let it go.

Chuckie.

Yeah, I know--

last guy you want to see,
but would you like...

To dance?

Love to.

Boy, I'll never get
this game.

You don't have to.

But that "let it go"
thing really worked.

I'm back.

Hey, Bootgirl.

Want to dance?

But I thought you...

Uh.

Man, what was that?

Hey, Angelica,
did you see what...

I'd love to.

Whoa, but I don't want to...

Dance!

Okay.

I just want to make
one more sh*t.

That wasn't supposed
to happen yet!

Hey, would you ask
my sister to dance
so I can eat?

Whoa-- Lil "Q"!

If this isn't proof, I...

Huh?

Oh!

Ohhhh.

If only you were Cupid's arrow.

DIL:
And I thought the rule of thumb
was complicated.