02x08 - Izzy or Isn't He?

[bunniefuu]

GIRL:
Four, three, two, one!

[ rock music playing]

♪ Every birthday,
my mom and dad would say ♪

♪ "You're another year older,
another year wiser" ♪

♪ But I still go to school

♪ To get an education

♪ I treat each and every day

♪ Like a mini vacation

♪ All grown up!

♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪

♪ All grown up!

♪ I want the world to know

♪ All grown up!

♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪

♪ All grown up

♪ With you

♪ All grown up with...

♪ You.

You're running for what?!

Safety commissioner.

And why are you
doing this?

My whole life, safety has been
like a loony uncle

locked away in the attic.

It's time I let him
into the house!

I've got pretty good odds, too--

the only other candidate
is Amelia somebody.

She is so quiet,
no one knows who she is.

[ both yell]

See, this is
just the kind of accident

that could easily
have been avoided.[ grunts]

Having Chuckie
as safety comish

is like jumping
into a shark t*nk
wearing a meat suit.

I think the pursuit of safety
is a noble cause.

How's your thumb?

Somebody get a crowbar
and some butter!

STU:
What's the holdup?

Izzy overslept.

I thought the kids
weren't allowed

to have friends stay over
on school nights.

Izzy's a different
kind of friend...
Stop that.

Different how?

He's Dil's new imaginary
alien friend,

and according
to chapter seven
of my book,

I found it's best
to encourage

the existence of such friends.

DIL:
Sorry so late.

Izzy couldn't decide
what to wear.

You know, first day,
new school.

Oh, Dad,
this is Izzy.

Izzy, Dad.

Uh... nice
to meet you.

Buckle up, you two.

I'm already in.

I wasn't talking to you.

[ class bell ringing]

CHUCKIE:
"Vote for Finster--

a safe bet!"

It's kind of creepy.

And this is me as "Safety Boy."

Do you really want to advertise
that you own tights?

LIL:
"Chuckie Finster
wants to protect you!"

I like it.

What happened to you?

Oh, an old third-grade
seesaw injury.

Would I lie
to you, Iz?

I love the smell
of MSG.

Tommy, who is
your brother talking to?

PHIL:
Hey!

Making room for Izzy.

Who's Izzy?

My new friend.

Oh, of the imaginary variety--

as in he's carbonically
challenged.

How you doing, Iz?

How's life?

I'm right there with you.

[ laughing]

Oh, thank you, Izzy.

I didn't know
I was having
a good hair day.

Hey, you want to hang
at the mall later?

Oh, he can't-- he's
sh**ting hoops with us.

Right, Iz?

PHIL:
What?

Lil's breath
smells like feet?

Oh, Izzy, that's just harsh.

Check you later, Iz.

LIL:
Nice meeting you.

Keep it real,
Izzy.

Uh, a little advice, Dil:

Having an imaginary friend
after a certain age

is something
one should keep
to one's self.

I'm down with that,
Safety Boy.

I put the "imaginary friend"
thing to bed

when I was eight.

Izzy's my imaginary
alienfriend.

Dudes, we're short one guy.

No, we got Izzy.

Well,
where is he...

Izzy?

Your guess is as good
as anyone's.

He's Dil's imaginary
alien friend.

[ whispering]

Sean wants Izzy on his team.

[ grunting]

Hands up, Izzy!

Sweet!

It's all yours, Izzy.

What?

[ cheering]

You the man,
Iz.

[ whispering]

[ girl giggling]

GIRL:
Don't forget Izzy.

Izzy, up top.

[ laughing]

The name's Finster,
and I'm running for...

Sean's team
just scored again!

[ squeals]

Thanks to Izzy.

KIDS:
Izzy! Izzy! Izzy!

Could you move?

We can't see Izzy.

Who can?!

Izzy! Izzy! Izzy!

Well, which one's
Izzy?

Oh, you can't see him,
but you know he's there.

[ hooting]

KIDS:
Izzy! Izzy! Izzy!

Izzy! Izzy! Izzy!

This is wicked fun.

We should invite Izzy

to the party Friday night!

I wonder
if he has a date

to the fall formal.

Yo, Dil, you and Izzy want to
swing it to my place for food?

Can't-- I have
a private yoga lesson.

But Izzy wants to go.Sweet.

Come on, Izzy-isam,
Izzy-m'hizzy.

I knew I'd have to let him go
one day.

How else is he going to learn

to stand on his own
two imaginary feet?

I'd love to go
to your party.

Let me guess...

it's for Izzy.

Oh, I see there's
some confusion

about the not-passing-
notes-in-study-hall rule.

But I'm happy
to block out some time

to clear it
all up for you!

Finster, Izzy-- I'll see
you both in detention!

Seriously, Chuckie,
you are at a

and I need you at a two.

Just chill.

How can I?!

The election's Monday,

and I'll be spending

my last available campaign hours
in detention--

all because of Dil's
dumb imaginary friend!

BOTH:
Imaginary "alien"
friend?

Who happens to have feelings--
hello.

Is Izzy free
for lunch tomorrow?

He's booked until
two weeks from Friday.

You live with Iz, right?

Can you write down your address

so I can invite him
to my bat mitzvah?

See what I mean?

Ever since Izzy happened,

no one's paying attention
to the safety commissioner race!

No, Chuckie--
ever since the dawn of time

no one's paid
attention to that race.

Why are you
so freaked?

You can win;

I still don't know
who this Amelia is.

I wouldn't
recognize her

if she
loogied on my shoes.

[ clattering]

For those of you
who don't know me--

which I believe is, um...
okay, everyone,

I'm Amelia Collins--

a.k.a. the only reputable choice
for safety commissioner.

I present exhibit A...

B, C and so on
throughout the alphabet

until it runs out,
and then I start over.

CHUCKIE:
What? Is it about me?

Is it bad?!

Quiet little Amelia

published
your medical records

including X rays

and the latest-breaking
stitch count-- .

That's not bad.

That's real, real bad!

Hello, Amelia sure
doesn't look

like the mudslinging type.

You know what they say
about the quiet ones--

silent but deadly.

[ gulps]

Maybe you should
mud-sling her back.

No, no matter how bad it gets,

I will continue to run
a clean race!

Hmm?

Izzy for safety comish!

Vote for Izzy!

No...!

Wrong vomit wheel; I didn't
nominate Izzy, Sean did.

This is just beyond wacky.

I don't want
to trash-talk him,

but Izzy has
no business running.

He's not exactly
the safest imaginary alien

I've ever met.

Nice button.

It is my duty

to be supportive

even if he's making
a bad call.

What about me?

Aren't we friends, too?

Of course--
but I'm all Izzy's got.

Sure, he has tons of peeps,

but I'm the only mother
Izzy's ever known.

Oh, bummer.

I was trying to drum up
some vomit

to get out
of a math quiz.

Izzy wouldn't let me study.

"Vomit wheel..."
talk about false advertising!

I wouldn't go that far.

[ slurping]

Would someone
please explain

how this Izzy thing
got so out of control?

Stop stressing.

When kids vote,
they'll think twice

about voting for someone
who doesn't exist.

Who are you
voting for?

And if it's Izzy,
do me a favor-- lie.

BOTH:
You.

Including me,
that's three votes.

Not bad, since I'm expecting
a low voter turnout.

Oh, and don't forget
Phil and Lil.

[ computer music playing]

Guys, just checking
that I've got your votes.

Can't talk,
in the middle
of a game!

COMPUTER:
Game over, game over, game over.

[ Chuckie groans]

Sorry, Chuckie,
I just don't think

you'd make a very good
safety comish.

Why not?

Remember when you forgot

to install brakes
in your go-cart

and caused a -car pile-up?

Or the time you freed
my leech collection
into the town pool?!

Or the time you wheelbarrowed me
into an open sewer?!

Those were all accidents!

So, you'd rather have

an imaginary
safety commissioner

than a real one...

if the real one is me?!

Let me put it this way:

If I wanted to pursue
a career in... ice dancing,

I'd hope you'd be
a good enough friend
to stop me.

Izzy's not
sitting there, is he?

Don't be ridiculous.

Izzy's at
a baseball game.

[ groans]

COMPUTER:
Game over, game over, game over.

Where's Izzy?

He's so busy these days,

even I have to book him
in advance.

You're cool if
Izzy hangs with me

in Boca for
the summer?

He's afraid to ask you.

I am relocating
to Izzy-free territory.

Oh, I didn't
even see you.

Happens all the time.

If you think about it,

we're in the same boat--
with a hole in it

and likely to sink.

Mmm... not quite.

Apart from
your resorting

to dirty politics
while I run a clean race,

we're both up against
the same all-powerful

but nonexistent
-pound gorilla

named Izzy.

I may be quiet,
but I'm not dumb.

I saw the writing on the wall--
there's no way I'd win.

So I dropped out.

But I'll give
my endorsement to Izzy.

[ gasps]

What is wrong with people?!

[ pounds table as voice echoes]

As long as I have
your attention,

I'd like to bring something
to your attention.

Now that the race for safety
commissioner is almost over,

it's time someone
tells it like it is... or isn't.

Did you know
the one called "Izzy"

isn't listed
in our school roster?

Shocking! I know--
but there's more.

This Izzy person
isn't listed in the phonebook,

doesn't live in town
and, for the record,

doesn't even exist!

[ booing and yelling]

KIMI:
It's not like
we can take Izzy down.

So we'll leave my speech as is

and I won't even mention
the imaginary jerk.

You are voting
for me now?

No, we're just here
for moral support.

CHAS:
Chuckie Finster!

I think we all know

these chores don't
do themselves.

Back in a few, guys.

You know how that thing works?

It's like a bike with a steering
wheel... and an engine...

and hundreds
of sharp rotating blades.

[ screams]

If I'm elected, I promise

that after the hallways
have been mopped,

they will be air-dried.

What's my next line?

[ all yelling]

[ screaming]

[ all gasp]

[ screaming]

Chuckie! Watch out!

Why does everyone
look so freaked?

The roses aren't wrecked,
just a little bent.

Chuckie... you just
ran over Izzy.

LIL:
Why didn't you watch

where you were going?

I knew you couldn't be trusted
with heavy machinery.

TOMMY:
Whoa, you guys,

you're being
a little hard on Chuckie.

Chuckie?! What about Izzy?

Good-bye, Iz...
we hardly knew ye.

I better check on Dil.

I just want
to be alone right now.

Why is everyone mad at me?

All I did was ruin
a stupid towel!

Everyone's mad at me

over something that's
not even real.

I don't get it.

Well, that's odd.

If memory serves,
you once had

an imaginary friend, too.

He seemed
real to you

just like Izzy seems real
to Dil, your friends

and every kid within
the tri-state area.

I was a baby.

There's no age limit
on imagination, son.

Ahh... oh, this one's
going on the wall.

Nice... horse.

How many baseball games

do you plan
on watching?

ALL:
Izzy loved baseball.

I hate to admit it,
but I kind of miss

the little
imaginary guy.

[ door buzzer rings]

Oh, youdon't
have to ring the bell.

In light of recent
circumstances,

it's best to be cautious.

I had my mom make
this mac-and-cheese casserole--

Izzy's favorite.

Izzy and we... were tight.

CHUCKIE:
Even though I don't
believe the hype,

I know you do.

[ door buzzer rings]

And I'm really...

[ door buzzer rings]

really...

[ door buzzer rings]

really...

[ door buzzer rings]

sorry.

[ door buzzer rings]

Truth is, I had
an imaginary friend

when I was younger--
a lot younger than you are--

but some kids mature
faster than others.

I hope you can
forgive me.

I'm not mad at you.

You're not?!

No-- it was
an accident after all,

and kids are starting
to get over it.

[ door buzzer rings]

I miss him so much!

[ sobbing]

Nice going, Finster.

Thanks for ruining
our fun!

You did it on purpose

so you could win!

It was an accident.

In that case,

you lost all credibility as
potential safety commissioner!

I liked you
better quiet.

She does
have a point.

I'd like us all
to take a moment of silence

to honor our beloved Izzy--
may he rest in pieces.

I think I'll take
my moment inside my locker.

Oh, man!

Don't worry, we can get
new posters up by lunch.

I'm dropping out
of the race.

But Chuckie,

you're the only candidate,
you can't lose.

Sure I can--
Izzy's still on the ballot.

And how pathetic would it be

if I got b*at
by an imaginary alien friend

who really,
reallydoesn't exist?

Is this going to work?

We got to do something
to help Chuckie.

Heads up, Poncho!

Over here,
Izzy's cousin Poncho!

SEAN:
Dudes, you should
be ashamed.

It's like when my dad bought me
a new goldfish

the day after the old one
ran away-- uncool.

Now, what do we do?

There's only one person
who can help.

Oh, I come to you
in desperation.

The Izzy thing's
gone out of control

and left Chuckie
in its wake.

You're the only one
who can help.

Can't hear you--
you'll have to come up!

Hand-hand, foot-foot--
it's easy.

Yeah, right.

Hand-hand, foot...

[ grunting]

Dil, you've got to do damage
control on this Izzy sitch.

Why me?

Because you started it.

I know you feel bad,
but so does Chuckie,

and imaginary friends

are a lot lower
in priority

than real flesh-and-blood ones.

[ Dil grunting]

What do you
want me to do?

Hand-hand, foot-foot.

Admit to the world
Izzy doesn't exist.

You ask too much.

Whoa...

As your big bro,
it's my duty

to dole out a chunk of wisdom
sometimes, so here it is...

Hand-hand, foot-foot.

I already know that.

No, not that, this:

Chuckie's been your friend
for a long time

and he'd do anything for you.

But now, his future's in your...
hand-hand, foot...

[ yells]

[ grunts]

floor.

I, for one, miss Izzy
something awful.

And I'd like to express it
in poem.

"Never saw ya, never will,

"Still, I miss ya,
friend of Dil,

"I've but one regret to mention,

Sorry I gave you detention."

[ feedback screeches]Fellow students, we are here

to honor our beloved amigo
and confidant, Izzy,

who was more to me than just...

a friend.

Izzy was the best
imaginary alien friend

a kid could ask for.

But that's just it--
he wasn't real.

[ over loudspeakers]:
He was merely a figment
of my imagination.

The cold, hard facts, people...

I faked it.

There never was,
never will be an Izzy.

Well, duh.

The truth! It hurts!

It hurts like nails!

But if Izzy did exist,

I think
he'd want Chuckie Finster

as our new safety commissioner.

And with that, I leave you.

We all know
Izzy wasn't real,

but I liked
having him around.

And now I have
to find a real date

to fall formal.

Would it be uncool
to admit

that I'm going to miss
that imaginary freak?

Way uncool.

Good thing
I didn't say it, then.

[ slapping hands]

Thanks for saving
my butt, Dil.

What are friends for?

I can't believe this Izzy thing
was all an act.

No, bro,
thatwas the act.

Izzy pulled through,

but I had to get him
out of the election--

his ego was out of control.

And mostly, I didn't want
to share him anymore.

Everyone else misses him
now that he's gone;

I missed him
when he was here.

But he's still
here, right?

And he's going to make
a full recovery?

[ sighs]

I can't believe
I just asked that.

You did, and you care,
don't you?

I do.

So, where is he... Izzy?

He's sitting
in the back.

The ego on that
imaginary guy!

[ both laugh]