02x10 - Project Chuckie

[bunniefuu]

GIRL:
Four, three, two, one!

[ rock music playing]

♪ Every birthday,
my mom and dad would say ♪

♪ "You're another year older,
another year wiser" ♪

♪ But I still go to school

♪ To get an education

♪ I treat each and every day

♪ Like a mini vacation

♪ All grown up!

♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪

♪ All grown up!

♪ I want the world to know

♪ All grown up!

♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪

♪ All grown up

♪ With you

♪ All grown up with...

♪ you.

[ class bell ringing]

[ yelling and chattering]

Now, this is
a great assignment:

"Use your talents
and abilities

to make a difference
in someone's life."

It's cool for us to do something
that's not just all me, me, me.

Angelica.
Hmm?

I was thinking how great
that outfit would look on me.

Were you talking?

The assignment.

Oh, that--
it's so hard.

Helping another
human being?

Listing my talents.

It's also part
of our final grade.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, I'm done.

Oh, write me
from summer school.

Mm-hmm...

Huh?

Remember when wewere studying
for midterms

and youwere studying
for makeovers?

You need an A--
good luck!

Summer school?!

As in no beach?

No mall?

No hours of beauty sleep?

No lying around
watching mindless TV?

Okay, who needs my talents?

[ shutter clicking]

Hopeless, that's core.

I've got to find someone
pathetically perfect.

[ grunting and groaning]

Hmm, hecould use my help.

[ grunting]

Nah.

Wait till you hear
your parts, guys.

I love the theater--

the lights, costumes,
makeup, applause.

Good.

Now, how do you feel

about a skit
in a history assembly?

Hmm... yeah.

Well, it is extra credit.

I don't know,
history is so passé.

Not my version.

These guys were cool,
real rebels,

the original American bad boys.

It's going to rock;

and I picked you guys
over everyone.

No one else wanted
to do it, right?

That, too.

Let go!

Hi, Chuckie.

Huh?

Oh, hi, uh, Debbie?

It's "Edith," but you can
call me Debbie if you want.

[ others laughing]

So, I'm George Washington,
Dil's Paul Revere,

Phil, you are the awesome
Ben Franklin.

Awesome.

Who am I?

Are you ready?

Kimi, Lil, you're...

"the people"!

BOTH:
"The people"?

Yeah!

They're, uh... important.

You know, "by the people,
for the people."

Okay, Chuckie,
you're King George.

King George?

King George!

The guy everyone hates?!

Oh, sure,let's make Chuckie

Mr. Unpopular
Revolting King Guy!

Shows how much you know.

I'm revolting.

Can't argue with the facts.

It's cool, Chuckie.

See, we face off in the ring
like on Wrestle Wackia.

In this corner, Kid Cody, and...

In this corner,
King Loser!

Loser, Tommy.

It's just a part, Chuckie.

Typecast.

[ others laughing
and chatting]

Why is everything
so easy for them?

Just once I'd like to know

what it feels like
to be genuinely popular.

Huh! And what are we,
deformed mutants?

Well, we are
"the people."

Chuckie, we're popular.

No, we're normal--
except maybe Phil.

Hey...

We're okay popular,
but not like them.

And you care because?

I have no idea!

I mean, I'm having all kinds
of weird feelings lately.

Mm-hmm.

Yep.

"Mm-hmm, yep," what?

Hormones.

Oh...

Life was so simple
back when I was ten.

ANGELICA:
No.

No.

No.

TOMMY:
So forget them, Chuckie.

Yeah, you have...
unique qualities

that make you cool
in your own way.

Really?

[ struggling]

S'up?

S'up?

[ groans]

Well, that'll help me
get popular!

Double duh with sprinkles--
of course!

Hello... "Project Chuckie"!

I don't have time for you,
you, you or you.

But Chuckie, may
we have a word?

Chuckie, I have observed
your tragic social skills,

but because we've been friends
since childhood,

I want to make a difference
in your life.

I'm here to help.

Oh, this can't be good.

Chuckie, you're, well...
a gork--

those sad few beyond geek.

Not helping yet.

But I'm willing
to make you popular.

Have I ever let you down?

No way, no how,
no chance, uh, but thanks.

But, Chuckie...

Angelica, you're up
to something.

I can feel it
in my feet and...

Okay, it's for my project!

But you still get what you want.

Project?

I'm aproject?!

I can see me as an endeavor
or a mission even,

but not a project!

I am not selling
my soul to you

no matter how much
I want to be popular!

Hmm!

Whoa!

[ collective gasp]

[ growls]

Well?

Where do I sign?

ANGELICA:
Okay...

Finster, observe.

Who does this look like?

Well... like a guy
on his way home

from a double shift in the mines

to support his mom,
who needs an operation,

and he's walking
against the wind,

through the snow with a sack
of potatoes on his back.

Summer school... Chuckie.

Summer school... Chuckie.
[ growls]

Chuckie!

Chin up.

I'll be okay.

No, chin up,
shoulders back, chest out!

Walk like
you're somebody!

Okay, somebody else.

Bizarre... but better.

Now, your look.

Oh, no--
may I remind you

of my ill-fated
Chongo disaster?

The look stays
or I walk...

or... bounce.

Fine.

I'll simply have to make
yourlook in.

No one said
the impossible was easy.

Your homework:
Fourteen /magazine.

Live it,
love it, learn it!

Pop quiz tomorrow.

EDITH:
And so, I,

Mrs. O'Leary, would like
to apologize for my cow,

who started
the great Chicago fire.

She would, but she can't,
you know, 'cause she's a cow.

I feel it was long overdue.

That was good.

Thanks.
Okay, we'll start

with the "Benji 'The Man'
Franklin Rap."

So, Benji, over here.

And "people,"
you're there.

Let's crank this thing!

[ rap music begins playing]

♪ A diplomatic writer dude

♪ A scientist, too

♪ Benji 'The Man' brought
independence to you ♪

♪ The Declaration that is.

Ooh...

Yay...

♪ And then
Mr. Eccentricity ♪

♪ Brought to his peeps
electricity. ♪

Ooh...

Yay...

Cut!

Thomas,
were "the people,"

by any chance,
a chorus of idiots?!

We want better parts!

I'm sorry, it's just

that all the major players
were dudes.

Huh!

Okay, moving on
to Paul Revere.

Uh... Dil?

The British are coming!

The British arecoming!

The British are coming.

Dil, just
keep going.

Okay.

One if by land,
two if by sea,

three if by flying saucer,

four if by jet pack!

It could work.

Okay, now
for King George.

King George?

Where's Chuckie?

And finally the band
"Stubbed Toe"--

which member's head recently
sported caramel highlights?

PJ, but he's going pumpkin
for a movie role.

Excellent, Chuckie!

I knew you weren't
completely hopeless.

Okay, now for your
too-cool-to-care pose.

Remember, your pose
is your signature.

Here's mine!

Now you.

I'm too cool... to care.

How's that?

Original.

Okay, now, for
practice socializing,

we'll start small.

ANGELICA:
Fridge!

Oh, he's
dinosauric!

And I don't
speak footballese.

Just repeat what I say--
go, walk, pose.

Hey, big guy,
what's the haps?

Uh, hey, big guy,
what's the haps?

Not much.

Federal game, dude!

Too loud.

[ whispers]:
Not much.

Oh, no,
I was talking to my... ear.

You were?

Fridge hangs
with Finster?

Cute sweater set.

Where'd you get it?

Okay, did I
just say that?

"Cute sweater set"?!

Well, it was.

Anyway,
what's important

is the right kids
saw you.

Now, phase two, your PR--
just leave it to me.

Meanwhile,
study this cool-speak
and work on that noise.

What noise?

Your voice.

Is... oh.

Hi, Angelica.

Cute top.

S'up.

Well, red is
the new blonde.

No way.

[ clears throat
noisily]

Hey, isn't that...

GIRL:
Chuck Finster.

Cool lid.

You know, whenever I want
to know what's the haps

before it haps,
I go to Chuck Finster.

Oh, Chuck.

S'up?

S'up?

A little this,

some of that.

You know, status yo.

I hear you, bro.

Oh, yeah.

Uh...

Oh.

Okay, places.

Hit it, Benji.

[ rap music playing]

A diplomat, writer dude...

Oh, Ben, dear

I can hardly see a thing.

Could you go outside
with, oh, I don't know,

a key and a kite and maybe
capture some lightning?

Oh, and I'd like
to call it "electricity."

[ music stops]Uh, Kimi,

I don't think it
happened like that.

Were you there?

Uh... no.

How about we move on

to George Washington
crossing the Delaware?

Oh, George.

It is I, your beautiful,
smart, strong

and independent wife.

Those nasty Redcoats
are getting on my nerves.

I say we throw
a revolution.

She eats a lot
of sugar.

Uh, Lil, that didn't
happen either.

BOTH:
How do you know?

Women had to have
done something.

Got it.

My bad.

I'll go online
and see what
I can find.

Solid?

Moving on!

Oh, man, where's Chuckie?

Chilax, boo.

I was off twisting up
at the game.

But now I'm kicking it
into high gear.

Even getting deep
with big, bad King G,
uh-huh.

Wow.

ANGELICA:
Well, Chuckie, phase final.

Invitation sit-down.

And don't worry if they don't
ask on the first try.

Do you know how long
it took even me
to get a seat?

Ready?

Gorilla vanillio.

What?

Means I'm ready.

Just made it up.

Well, stop it.

ANGELICA:
Hey, guys,
look who's here!

Hey, Chuck.

What's going on?

S'up, Chuck?

Hands up, dude.

[ whispers]:
Ask him to sit down.

Want to sit down?

[ boys laughing]

Uh... where do I sit, guys?

Oh, sorry, Angelica.

Guess we're all full.

Catch you later.

But...

ANGELICA:
My seat?

My seat?!

No way!

Maybe I can break him.

[ mocking]:
Gorilla vanillio.

I'm taking him down!

Then I'm going to...
summer school.

[ screams]:
No!

[ screeching meow]

[ angrily]:
There's only one thing left
to do.

[ sweetly]:
Can you help me get
my seat back?

I'll see what I can do.

[ growls]

BOY:
Cool.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Ooh.

Sip it, don't drip it.

Good one.

So, C man, want to swing it
to the arcade?

Negatonic.

Got to work.

Why?

I'm helping out my dad.

Bummer.

Like, every day?

Uh, no.

I was off yesterday
and it was great.

I did the scarf-out-the-ear
trick from my magic set

and worked on my shellacked
human-shaped fruit collection.

Check out Brad Pitt.

[ laughing]

Good one, Chuck.

You sure got them.

Huh?

[ laughing]

Funny, dude.

Human-shaped fruit.

[ laughing]

Don't you
usually hang with
Pickles and DeVil?

Uh, yeah, actually.

They're my...

But not lately.

They're, you know...

They're even in that
lame history thing
for school.

[ laughing]

[ laughs weakly]

TOMMY:
Okay, I think you're going
to be happy.

It turns out there were
some kick-butt women

in the Revolution.

Thanks, Tommy.

Oh, and duh.

Yeah.

So, you're the two
Anne Baileys--

wicked patriots
with the same name.

No offense, Lil,
but you're the crazy one.

Mad Anne the White Squaw

of Canawa.

Hmm, it has a certain ring
to it.

Kimi, you saved
an entire regiment

by collecting flannel
for bandages.

I brought fashion
to first aid.

I'm fabulous.

Sorry,

it's kite night
at the park.

Last one left
at the store.

Maybe no one will notice.

Uh, maybe.

I guess Chuckie's
a no-show again.

He left me a message.

He wanted out.

Guess Mr. Popularity's
too busy.

And too weird.

I'm living with a creature
from the Bizarro Lagoon.

Cut him some slack.

He got what he wanted,
so we should be happy for him.

It's hard being happy for anyone
hanging with Angelica.

Anyway, I've given his part to
the king of the Bizarro Lagoon.

You rang?

Check out Paul Revere's horse,
Kleptar.

Alien horse?

Monkey kite?

I like it.

American Rev. goes camp.

So Dil, you are now Paul Revere
andKing George.

How fast can you change?

Don't have to.

I'm coming!

I'm coming!

Dude, can I copy your homework?

I was busy arcading.

Uh, isn't that
kind of status no?

Uh, actually,

too cool to care.

Hi, Chuckie.

Hi, Ellen.

It's Edith.

But Ellen's good.

Sorry you're not
in the pageant anymore.

Yeah, me, too.

What are you doing, dude?

You cannot talk to her.

Why not?

She's a major gork, bro.

Bad for your image.

But she's nice.

Too cool to care.

You know what?

I'm not sure that's cool
at all, Sean.

Okay.

What?

I think nice counts.

And maybe not for you,

but for me, "too cool to care"
is a lot of work!

And this may come as a shock,

but inside this cool exterior

lives a gork!

That's right,

and keeping him quiet

is giving me
a headache!

Uh, not the usual sinus one.

And for your information,
I like working for my dad

and doing magic tricks and
shellacking human-shaped fruit.

Youfind a kiwi that
looks like Albert Einstein!

Who?

Oh, brother.

Uh, just a... dude.

Oh, I won't be needing my seat
at the table,

so please give it back to
Angelica; she deserves it.

Well, I guess I'll be seeing you
from across the cafeteria.

Okay, I'm done.

Whatever.

S'up, Angelica?

See you at lunch.

Really?

Uh, I mean, cool.

I knew they couldn't do
without me.

Angelica, there's
something...

Not now.

It's project time.

Be outside my classroom
in ten minutes.

[ groans]

ANGELICA:
There he is before I gave
of my time and talents.

CLASS:
Ew!

ANGELICA:
And here.

[ class moans sympathetically]

ANGELICA:
And here.

CLASS:
Ew!

[ class moans sympathetically]

ANGELICA:
But I, tirelessly, have
transformed this loser

into popular perfection.

Using my natural gifts,

I have given him confidence,
self-esteem and coolosity.

I present my masterpiece--

Chilaxing Chuck Finster.

[ screams]

[ laughter]

Uh, what happened, Chuck?

I made a difference
in your life, remember?

You did make a difference.

Angelica helped me see that I
could be that popular guy,

I just don't want to.

So because of her,

I figured out I like being
gorky Chuckie Finster.

Only now I have to be
king of England.

Gorilla vanillio.

Well, it looks like
no summer school.

You're just lucky
that worked out.

It's just the way I planned it.

Mm-hmm.

Hi, guys.

Long story,

but I'm ready to be
King George.

I'm sure he had many
fine qualities.

Glad to see you,
Chuckie.

But I'm afraid
Dil's kind of made
the part his own.

Hi, Chuckie.

Hi, Edith.

It's... Edith.

Chuckie, there is another
great part you can do.

Cool.

What is it?

SEAN:
All right, Finster.

Uh, hem.

[ yells and grunts]

Wow.

[ grunts]

[ laughter]

He's ba-ack!

[ laughter]

SEAN:
Finster.

CHUCKIE:
Gorilla vanillio.

Did I just say that?