07x05 - Control-Alt-Delete

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Doc Martin". Aired: 2 September 2004 - present.*
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Successful surgeon Dr. Martin Ellingham abruptly leaves his London practice to become general practitioner in the sleepy fishing village of Portwenn, where he spent the holidays during his youth.
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07x05 - Control-Alt-Delete

Post by bunniefuu »

Shut up.

Would you stop leaving food on my doorstep? Was the lasagne not to your liking? Would you prefer a fish stew? I'm quite capable of preparing my own meals, and your food is attracting that dog.

Dr Ellingham, I'm just trying to support you through this difficult time.

Well, thank you, Dr Ellingham, your order will be ready by lunchtime.

- What's up? Why have you stopped? - His blanket's slipped.

What? Is he cold? Morning, James.

That's too loud.

You'll damage your hearing.

- Listen to me! - Hey! What are you doing, you perv? That's charming, isn't it? Absolutely charming.

No.

Not you.

Stay there.

No, no, no! Stay there! No! Stay out! Horrible dog! No! no! Get! - Morning! - Get me a vet.

- Why? - I want that dog put down.

- There's nothing wrong with him! They won't put him down just because you asked them to! No.

Just get me a vet and don't let that filthy stinking animal back in my surgery! - I'll take him at the end of the day.

- Are you ready? - Yes.

I was just waiting for you.

- Good.

- Shall we go in? - There's seven minutes to our appointment.

- She won't mind.

- Oh! Martin! - What? What if he recognises us? - Morning! - Hello.

Come on.

Yes, so we did try the um, the hugging exercises.

How did it go? Well, Martin has a little trouble with spontaneity.

- So do you! - This isn't about me, Martin.

- Have you given Martin's blood phobia any more thought? - I have, yes.

We'd love to hear your ideas, wouldn't we, Martin? Yes.

Very often a fear of blood can stem from control issues.

From what I've observed of you, you're clearly someone who likes to be in control at all times.

I believe the sight of blood brings about a psychological feeling of loss of control, and it's this feeling that manifests itself in your physical reactions of nausea and vomiting.

I disagree.

It was when I started to see the patients I operated on as genuine human beings and not just bodies.

- I still think there may be another underlying cause.

- Which is? Your inability to deal with people may display itself as a desire, a need, to be in control at all times.

So what can Martin do? Practically? There is no quick fix.

Patterns of behaviour take time to break.

However, there is one exercise I would recommend you both try.

Both? Martin, do you feel safe when you are with Louisa? Yes.

Then I would like you to hand over control to Louisa for an activity of her choosing.

- What sort of activity? - Whatever Louisa decides.

- I don't think Martin's going to get on very well with that.

- I don't think so.

Do you think it could be possible you sometimes ask things of him you know he'll struggle to complete? What, you think I want Martin to let me down? As a defence mechanism, possibly.

Your constant disappointment in him protects you from getting too close.

So you're think I'm not fully committed to this relationship? I'm saying I think it would be empowering for you to take charge.

Once you've chosen your activity, I want you to make it very clear what you want from him.

Stick with it, don't feel pressured or dissuaded from doing what you want.

- And what do I do? - Your role is simple, Martin.

You need to do exactly as Louisa instructs, without trying to take over.

Thanks for coming.

It's been sticking for a while, - and this morning I couldn't close it.

- It's not a big job.

I think the hinges just need tightening.

I didn't know who else to call.

I know you're not rushed off your feet at the moment with the B&B.

Yeah, don't I know it! Are you busy? I'm doing an analysis of the risk factors - between male and female serial offenders.

- Is that so? I'm giving a talk for a forensic psychiatry conference next week.

I thought the Doc wanted you to cut down on your work? Martin's not the only doctor in the family.

- Well, that should do it.

- And speaking of family, when's your father moving on? He hasn't told me his plans.

- I don't want him to become a permanent fixture.

- I know.

I have asked him but, er, it's impossible to get a straight answer.

- Why don't I ask him? - OK.

Thanks.

Janice! Janice Joe.

Wondered if you wanted to come over on Thursday.

I'm having one of my famous barbecues.

- Famous? - Well, yeah.

Everyone knows about the old Penhale Pig-out.

Hottest ticket in town.

I've never heard of it.

That's because it's on a-need-to-know basis, and now YOU know! Who else is going? Well Al and Morwenna? She hasn't said anything to me about it.

Great.

see you then.

- Megan! - Sorry I'm late.

I love you! Just fill in the patient registration form and I'll book you an appointment for a repeat prescription.

What's he like, the Doc? Is he nice? Erm Doc! This is Mrs Sparrock.

She's new to the village.

- Right.

- Call me Debbie, please.

Next patient.

I hope we get on as well as I did with my last GP.

Dr Bainbridge was amazing, he was so supportive, especially with my daughter's ADHD.

Yes.

Leanne Perrins.

Go through.

Speaking of my Kelly, she's almost out of her medication, so I was hoping you could whip up a quick repeat prescription for me.

Some methylphenidate, 5mg.

- Mrs? - Debbie, please.

Mrs Please.

I won't be whipping up anything until my Kelly's notes have come through, I have read them, examined the patient myself, and only then, if I'm happy that methylphenidate is the right medication, will I write you a prescription.

See you then.

So, what do you think? No, I thought not.

All right.

Thanks anyway.

Bye.

- Told you! - What? I can't find a vet who'll put Buddy down for no reason.

- Right.

I'll do it myself.

- What? Come through.

- This way.

- Doc! - He's going to put Buddy down! - What? - He means it! He's got him in there right now.

Martin! You are not putting that dog to sleep! - Why not? Nobody else will.

- He's right.

I tried everyone.

- The dog needs to be dealt with.

- Put the needle down, please.

You don't have to k*ll Buddy.

We can get him rehoused.

- It's not my dog to rehouse.

- It's not your dog to k*ll either.

I'm sure someone can take him in.

Actually, I did speak to one vet who'll take in anything.

She took in my auntie's chinchilla.

- What did she say? - Well, I didn't ask her.

I was just seeing if she'd put Buddy down.

It was a firm no.

- Angela Sim, that's her.

- Yes.

Angela Dr Sim's daughter.

Let's hope she's a better vet than he was a doctor.

- If she takes Buddy, you'll never see him again.

- Fine.

So long as you get rid of him.

- Slight problem, I've only got my bike.

- Give me the address.

- .

.

he'll be bringing you mice again in no time.

- OK.

Bye.

- Bye now.

Dr Ellingham.

Morwenna said to expect you.

Why don't you come on inside? Bring him too.

Come on, Buddy.

That's enough That's enough of that.

I need to check him over before I accept him.

There's nothing wrong.

He's perfectly healthy.

- How would you know that? You're not a vet.

- No, I'm not.

How are you feeling, Buddy? Hm? - I understand your father was Dr Sim.

- Yes, he was.

The man you have said misdiagnosed most of Portwenn for 30 years.

That's right.

I'm surprised that coming from a medical background, you chose to practise holistically.

An animal is made up of lots of different parts.

If one part isn't working properly, then the whole animal is affected.

- Oh, right.

- Hm Buddy has a bit of conjunctivitis.

I will treat it with Euphrasia.

- Good for you.

- �94.

- What? - My fee.

It says on your sign that you rehouse house all unwanted animals for free.

I'm making an exception.

- Cheaper to put him down.

- I'm aware that was your first request.

- Fine.

- Thank you.

- What's wrong with your hand? - A dog bit it.

It goes with the job.

Show me.

I'm quite capable of looking after it myself, thank you.

Now, let's find you a bed, Buddy.

Do you want to say goodbye? Don't be ridiculous.

Bert? I'm just coming.

Ruth! What are you doing here? Thought I'd pay my sitting tenant a visit.

Well, that is very kind of you, I must say.

I'm not one for b*ating about the bush, Bert.

- when do you intend vacating the premises? - Well I don't have an actual date as such, but I was thinking.

- What's that smell? - I wouldn't go in there.

A still? - Isn't that illegal, Bert? - Don't get mad.

- I'm trying to make a little bit of whisky.

- On my land? Without a licence? Steady on.

That licence is a bit of a thorny thicket and almost certainly pending.

Do you have a distilling licence or not? Not as such, no.

- Does Al know about this? - No.

And please don't go telling him.

You've overstayed your welcome, Bert.

Just a moment, Ruth.

I am onto something special here.

This whisky is made from the finest Cornish ingredients.

It's gonna make me famous.

It's gonna make both of us famous! And as my partner, you'll share in the the profits, eh? So what do you say? Get this enterprise off my land, Bert.

- Morning, Doc.

- Yes.

Morning there Shouldn't you be in school? Can't get qualifications in daydreaming.

Miss? I'm talking to you.

I am a law enforcement officer and you are legally required to listen to me.

.

Hello? Bugger.

- Morning.

- Morning.

Thank you.

- Hello.

I thought you were taking Buddy up to Angela's? - I did.

So why is he trying to eat James's breakfast? What? No! Oh, for God's sake! Shut up! That stupid woman must have let him go.

I'll take him back at lunchtime.

Morwenna, tie this dog up outside.

- Possible BFT, Doc.

- What? - Blunt force trauma.

Right, go through.

Morwenna, get the dog.

OK.

Buddy, outside! - Any headaches, dizziness, nausea? - No.

How did it happen? I don't know.

Sat on the wall, next minute I was on the ground.

Has it happened before? - Don't think so.

- You don't sound sure.

My ADHD medication makes me a bit dizzy sometimes.

- Name? - Methylphen-something.

- Your name, not the medication.

- Kelly Sparrock.

Oh I met your mother.

You're the perv from yesterday! I've got a policeman outside.

Stop talking.

So why do I want to go to a barbecue at yours? - Everyone's going.

- Who's everyone? - Janice - She didn't mention anything to me about it.

- Didn't she? - Who else? You, if you'll go.

So, me and Janice? That's it? No.

Gonna ask Al.

- I suppose if there is a few going, I might pop along.

- Yes! How's the patient? Good job I came along when I did, eh? No signs of concussion.

I'll give you some notes on head injuries.

There's no need.

I'm fine.

If you have any headaches or nausea in the next 24 hours, - I want you right back here.

Do you understand? - OK.

And be more careful in future, young lady.

We don't want anything happening to you, now, do we? I phoned your mum.

She's waiting for you at home.

- Can I go now? - I'll give you a police escort.

Having a bit of a do tomorrow night, Doc.

- Imagine you'll want to be there.

- No.

Morwenna, I told you to take that dog outside and tie it up! OK Here, Buddy! Yeah, that's healing nicely, - but bring her in next week for a check.

- Thanks, Ange.

Come on, then, Lulu.

Let's get you down.

Good girl.

There's a good girl.

Good girl.

There's a good girl.

I think I know why she keeps running away.

She doesn't like her new name.

I get that a lot with rehomed dogs.

- What was her name before, then? - I don't know.

She was a stray.

I'd need to spend more time with her.

Come on.

Off you go.

I shall see you next week.

Appreciate it, Ange.

- I paid you �94 to keep that dog here.

- I have no idea how he got out, and I'm sorry, but I know WHY he ran away.

You two have unresolved issues.

What? Do you actually believe you can communicate with a dog? I possess an ability to do that, yes.

Quiet! I thought you were a proper vet? Has anyone ever told you you're small-minded? Just because it's beyond your understanding - doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

- Oh, for God's sake! Look, if I see that dog again, I will euthanise it.

And I will be duty bound to report you to the police if I discovered that anything has happened to that perfectly healthy animal.

Who did those stitches? - I did.

- That wound's infected.

You should let me have a look at it.

You are the last person I'd let treat me.

All right, get another doctor, but get some antibiotics in you! I am perfectly capable of assessing my own medical needs, - thank you, Dr Ellingham.

- Yes, I'm sure you are (!) - Bert.

- Ruth.

I thought I'd stop by to say goodbye before I head off to well, to wherever the road takes me.

Thank you.

To be honest, I thought you'd offer more resistance.

No, Ruth.

I know when I'm b*at.

You've been more than generous to me, and I got no complaints about you, only admiration.

I thought you'd appreciate the fruits of my labour.

That's very kind.

Well, I guess I'll be going now.

Goodbye, Bert.

Just popping out.

- Ooh, that was fast.

- Yes.

He was tired.

- You know that control thing I'm supposed to do? - Ah Er, yes.

- Good.

- I'm throwing a party.

- I see.

- For you.

So I just need you to write a little speech.

I'm inviting around 30 people.

- You don't think that's too many, do you? - Why? So you can make some new friends.

Some of them you'll know, of course, but not everyone.

So you'll have to introduce yourself in the speech, you know, say who you are I'm joking, Martin.

I was actually thinking about the three of us having a picnic on the beach.

Oh I see.

When? Shall we pick you up at six tomorrow, will that be OK? Yes, that's fine.

Good.

Mm Come on.

Come on.

In you go.

Go on.

OK.

- Barbecue? - Be like the old days.

The Portwenn Posse back together again.

The sun shining, a few beers, a few women.

- What women? - Janice and Morwenna.

How about it, Al? I need a wing man to help me with Janice.

Well, if you like Janice so much, why don't you ask her out yourself? It's the uniform.

Some women can't see past it.

This way Janice will get to see me in a more casual setting, give her a chance to see the real me.

- Are you sure that's wise? - Look, Al, I really need this.

Who took you in when you were homeless, eh? I'm not really in a party mood, to be honest.

Make things very difficult for you.

Fishing licence checks, health and safety certification, that sort of thing.

- You wouldn't really do that, would you? - I'd have no choice.

Well, nothing else to do, I suppose.

Great.

Thanks.

You're a real mate.

You won't regret this.

I already am.

- Morning.

- Oh! You just caught me! Another two minutes and I'd have been gone.

I came to congratulate you on your whisky.

It's not half bad, is it? Still needs a bit of work, though.

Yes.

Why whisky? I needed to do something that I love.

And I do love my whisky.

- It's as good a reason as any to get out of bed.

- Exactly.

We've got great spring water here! Why should the Scots have all the market? The Cornish are Celts too.

I have read that micro-breweries are becoming popular.

And I could get in on that, eh? I'm thinking of calling it Large Whisky.

It sounds as if it could be a sensible venture.

- How many people know about this? - Not a soul.

- Can you keep it that way? - I suppose so.

Why? Keep it quiet and I'll give you another couple of weeks.

I owe you, Ruth.

You've been more than generous.

- Do you think you could stretch it to a month? - No.

- OK.

- I'll tell Al that I've taken pity on you and given you an extension.

Oh Huh! Here we are.

Come on.

No, no! Buddy! Buddy! No! Buddy! Sparrock.

How's your head? Do you have any symptoms of concussion? No.

But I'm worried, Doc.

Kelly keeps having these accidents.

Do you think it could be because of her ADHD? What's this? It's an email from our last GP -- Dr Bainbridge.

I know how long patient notes take to come through, so I thought this might speed things up.

It's all there -- the fidgeting, lack of attention, poor performance at school.

It's classic ADHD.

So if you could just write us up a repeat prescription, we'll be out of your hair.

What's wrong with your hand? Your hand, you didn't have that bandage yesterday.

She burnt it on the toaster.

Daydreaming as usual.

She's always doing that, drifting off in the middle of things.

Away with the fairies,.

my mother always says.

- How long has she been like this? - Since forever.

I am here, you know.

And does the ADHD medication make any difference? Made her more irritable if anything.

Right, well, it's a common side effect.

I want you to breathe in and out very rapidly.

- What? - Breath in and out as quickly as you can.

Keep it up.

I think your daughter may be suffering from a mild form of epilepsy - known as absence seizures.

- Not ADHD? Keep breathing.

It can present similar symptoms.

Oh There she goes again.

Away with the fairies.

- It's a seizure brought on by the rapid breathing.

- What? - What just happened? - Are you all right, love? Will she be all right? It's treatable with the right medication.

She'll probably outgrow the seizures by early adulthood.

I'll make her an appointment to have an electroencephalogram.

That should confirm the diagnosis.

Well, Dr Bainbridge was so sure it was ADHD.

Yes, it's a classic misdiagnosis.

Once my diagnosis has been confirmed, I'll you prescribe sodium valproate.

That'll work in a few days and you'll notice an improvement in her concentration immediately.

I've got some coley for your cats in my van.

No time, Eric.

Buddy's got to see the Doc.

Reckon we'll get some rain later? Angela, haven't seen you for a while! How are you? Yes, yes, I'm very well, thanks, Sally.

- Is your arm OK? - Can't stop! - Are you off to see the Doc? - Can't stop! Oh I'm having a barbecue.

Special occasion.

What do you recommend? How many are you barbecuing for? - Four.

- Big event, then! I need something that says I'm a man of the world, but I'm still approachable.

- Sardines.

- Anything more exotic? Italian sardines? Perfect.

- What are you doing here? - I've got to see the Doc! Is it an emergency? Are you all right? - It's private.

- OK.

- What's that dog doing here? - Why did you redecorate? It was much nicer when we lived here.

Have you still got that dresser? I loved that.

- Have you come to have your stitches looked at? - Buddy knows how lonely and unhappy you are, and he wants to help you.

You must You must let him into your life.

You need Buddy.

- You seem agitated.

- Please, listen to your dog.

Accept him.

It's not my dog.

Oh, come on, Doc! Let him into your life! Shut up.

I need to examine you.

- There's nothing wrong with me.

- Well I just came to deliver the message.

Come on, Buddy.

- Ready? - Yes.

Don't you want to change? We're going to the beach.

Yes, I know.

- What's that? - I've made a picnic.

No, this is my activity.

If I wanted you to make a picnic, I'd have asked.

- I wasn't sure I'd like what you made.

- You're doing what you were told not to, you're taking control.

Oh, I don't think this is such a good idea.

Now you're doing exactly what Dr Timony said YOU'D do.

I would like you to leave your picnic behind, Martin, and escort me and your son to the beach, please.

Right Do you want me to take your basket? No, but I would like you to push James Henry.

- If that's what you want.

- Yes.

- Thank you, Martin.

- After you.

Cooking again? Oh! Oh, my God, Clive! Oh, you startled me! - I don't know what you're up to.

- I'm not up to anything.

And I don't want to know.

I do know that I've not been the best of husbands, nor the most attentive, which might have been the cause of some of the difficulties you've faced in the past.

But I want that to change.

I'd like us to start trusting each other again, to move on, together.

Oh I ran away when you most needed me, Sal, but I'm here.

I came back.

I came back for you.

Off we go.

Good boy! Such a good boy! Oh, look at him! - Oh, his bucket and spade, please.

- Yes.

Come on! - Hey, what are you looking at? - Sunburn.

Oedema.

- What? - That swelling on your skin.

It's caused by sunburn.

Cover it up.

Make an appointment to see me as soon as possible.

Pervert! - What a letch! - Tosser! Right.

Here will do.

Er, actually I think it might be better Less shingle.

Martin.

Please.

- No.

This is fine.

- Good.

So, you set this out and I'll take James.

Good boy! We're going to have a lovely time.

A bit thick.

I don't think you've ever had one of these before.

That's right.

Good.

That's it.

That's it.

OK.

Sit down, Martin.

Just leave the blanket alone.

I just want to get the get the sand off.

It's a beach, Martin.

- Yes, but I would like to be comfortable too.

- OK.

So, Scotch egg? - Haven't you got any healthy food? - No.

It's a picnic, Martin.

Just try to relax.

Ow! Could I have my Frisbee back? Martin, just Thanks.

There we go.

Nice.

So, Scotch egg for you.

Scotch egg for you.

- They're late.

- Only by a few minutes.

Calm down, they'll be here.

What about the rolls? Should I have got granary? Show a more sophisticated palate.

And there's too many croutons! Joe, it's only a barbecue, mate.

Stop panicking.

You're right.

You can't have too many croutons.

Here we are, then.

This all looks great, Joe! - cr*ck this open.

- I'll have some of that! How you doing, Joe? The sardines are fresh from the sea.

- You know I'm vegetarian? - Oh I'm teasing! I can eat fish.

They're not animals, are they? We're building a castle, Martin.

Come and help us.

- Yes! - Right.

Yes.

- Is that a turret? - Yeah, of course.

- Why doesn't it look like one, then? - It looks fine to me.

- It's askew.

- Yeah, it's how James and I built it.

Yes, but it's still askew.

- This is supposed to be fun, Martin.

- Yes, it is.

I'll build a curtain wall.

Get away from me! Get away! - Hang on.

Isn't that Angela Sim? - Where? - What on earth is she doing? - No, no! Oh, no, no! - Disgusting! Go on! - Martin? Look.

Get away! They won't leave me alone! Help! Leave me! Leave me alone! Miss Sim? These damn birds! They won't leave me alone! - What's wrong with her? - She's hallucinating.

- Stay there.

Miss Sim? - There's nothing wrong with my hands! It's these damn birds that are the problem! Oh, wait a minute! Vets do this all of the time! What have you taken? - Will you shut up?! - He won't listen to him! - Won't listen to who? - To Buddy! Oh - You've got a great spot here, Joe.

- It's one of the perks of the job.

It's even nicer in the evening when there's no-one here.

Perhaps you'd like to come one evening.

I think the Doc might need you.

- He'll be all right.

- It looks serious, Joe.

Careful.

The law never sleeps, I suppose.

I knew what I was getting into when I took the oath, but - You should get down there now, mate.

- Yeah.

Oh! There's more! She's clearly deranged.

- Take James to the surgery.

- Are you sure you'll be OK? - Yes.

- I'll deal with this and then catch you up.

- All right.

- Miss Sim! - Belt.

- Oh, right.

I'll be back.

- I've got to get in the water! - Miss Sim! - It's so hot.

- What medication have you taken? It's the sun, isn't it? The sun's attracting the birds! What birds? You're hallucinating! Well, what do you call them, then? - There's nothing there! - You WOULD say that! - What medication have you had? - He's a fast runner, isn't he? Unless you tell me what you've taken, I can't help.

What are you doing? I've got to get in the water! - Here to offer assistance, Doc! - What? Do you want me to Taser her? I just need to get her to the surgery until she calms down.

I'm on it.

Stop! Halt! I've got to get to the water! Oh, go away! Stop! Or I'll be forced to Oh Doesn't look like Joe's coming back, then.

Didn't think I was going to have this much fun.

- Glad I came now.

- Me too.

I like dinner and a show.

Enrofloxacin is a veterinary antibiotic, it's for cats and dogs.

Here you go.

It's toxic for humans.

Hence the hallucinating.

I know that now, don't I? God, I'm thirsty! Be careful you don't over-hydrate yourself.

- Have you self-medicated with veterinary medicines before? - I always do.

Not with that one.

I won't make that mistake again.

- I'd hope you wouldn't self-medicate again! - I might.

- Most of us do.

- Doc, have you finished with me? - I've got something to attend to.

- No.

Wait.

- The effects should wear off in a couple of hours.

- Doc - Be quiet.

Are you allergic to penicillin? - No.

I'll write a prescription for some NON-veterinary medication.

- And PC Penhale will take you back to your home.

- I'm able to drive myself.

That's great.

So I'll just head off You're not driving anywhere.

You're under the influence of a drug.

Fine.

I'll do your stitches tomorrow.

You'll hear from the hospital about your nerve conduction tests.

What are you doing? Take the dog.

- No.

He wants to stay here.

- What? He wants to be with YOU.

Surely that must be clear by now? Oh, no, you don't! I paid you �94.

You take that dog with you! OK, OK.

I'll take him.

Come, Buddy.

Buddy! Penhale.

Get the dog.

Poor Angela.

How is she? Completely deranged.

She should be back to her normal self by the morning, though -- - slightly deranged.

- Martin! I'm sorry the picnic didn't quite work out.

Yes.

Though I'm quite glad you DID take control of that situation.

- Well, somebody had to.

The woman was in crisis.

- Yeah.

Did she really think Buddy was talking to her? - Yeah.

- About you? - Yes.

- So what did he say? Er, he thinks I'm lonely.

- Oh - What? - Nothing.

- It's nonsense.

- I'm sure.

Buddy! No, Buddy! Come back here, you little bugger! Quick, go inside.

Oh! Oh, er - Danny whatshisname.

- Lou! Hi! So you fell in love with someone you thought from the outset wouldn't stay? Perhaps you would like to move your things upstairs? - Erectile dysfunction is not a medical emergency.

- It is to me.

Why did you discuss our private life with your friend Danny?
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