03x04 - Curse of Reptar

[bunniefuu]

GIRL:
Four, three, two, one!

[ rock music playing]

♪ Every birthday,
my mom and dad would say ♪

♪ "You're another year older,
another year wiser" ♪

♪ But I still go to school

♪ To get an education

♪ I treat each and every day

♪ Like a mini vacation

♪ All grown up!

♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪

♪ All grown up!

♪ I want the world to know

♪ All grown up!

♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪

♪ All grown up

♪ With you

♪ All grown up with...

♪ you.

You moved the headstones,
but you left the bones.

You moved the headstones,

but you didn't move
the bodies!

[ tree branch bangs window]

[ glass shatters]

[ children on TV screaming]

[ all gasp]

Have we gotten
to where the woman
is chased by the guy

then runs into
the skeleton feet?

No, no, wait-- don't tell me.

I'll know when
I see the blue carpet.

[ panting]

[ wood creaks]

[ gasps]

[ screaming]

SCARY VOICES:
Leave here!

Leave here!

Leave here!


Leave here!

Hey, kids...

[ all gasp]

Just had dinner
with the head of
Rapacious Industries.

Um, you tell them, Did.

Your father sold his invention.

And for some serious
buck-a-roos, I might add.

Awesome!
Yeah!
Cool!

So what's the invention, Mr. P?

You're looking at them.

With the ever-increasing girth
of the American male,

I have developed a pair of jeans

that can be adjusted
to any size.

With the simple use
of radio controlled hydraulics,

I can go from medium to large
in seconds.

[ pants bleeping]

Ooh.

Ahh.

Not exactly couture,
but cutting edge.

What do you call them?

"Gorge N' Grow"--
Dil's and Tommy's name.

I was pushing
for the "Glutton Button,"

but I got overruled.

Yep, no more humiliating
shopping experiences

seeing your butt spread
in that three-way mirror.

Just press and go.

Ahh.

Anyway, your father and I
have decided to share

our good fortune
with the entire family.

We're going to get you boys

something every kid
dreams of having.

A home in Aspen?

A six-week course in Portuguese?

Respect?

Uh... no.

What have you kids
been dreaming of having

since you were
little, bitty babies?

PHIL:
A pool--you guys
are getting a pool.

Man, did you score.

At last, my opportunity has
arrived to open an aquatic park

and raise homeless dolphins.

Dolphins don't have homes, Dil.

You see the need?

What is this game?

Politically-correct dodge ball.

[ Dil straining]

Over here.

[ groaning]

[ blows whistle]

Hey, Pickles!

Nothing above the knee--

this is about cooperation,
not competition!

[ mumbling]:
Board of Ed. with their
progressive sports.

This is dodge ball,
there should be tears.

[ groans]

[ children laughing]

[ groans]

Are you guys as hot as I am?

Nothing a dip
in a swimming pool
wouldn't cure.

[ both groan]

You two!

No physical contact whatsoever!

[ mumbling]:
This is going to k*ll me.

How long before
your pool's ready

for the famous
Phil-Face-First Cannonball?

Dad said it'd be done
in a couple of months.

The sales guy's coming over
tonight to show us some models.

Come on over.

A couple of months-- good.

It'll give me time to work on
my abs... and my pecks...

and my... delts.

[ whistle blows]

Underhand, Beecher.

You're benched!

Lovingly.

Man, just imagine,
no more wading pools

or running through
stupid sprinklers.

But we used to like
running through sprinklers.

Ah, that's kiddy stuff,
Chuckie.

Think large.

Think water.

Think girls.

[ all agreeing]

You know it.

Think again.

MAN:
Let me show you

a couple of models
I brought along.

[ grunts]

This here is the Five Star.

You can practically
smell the suntan lotion,
can't you?

[ "Girl From Ipanema" playing]

Oh, Tony?
Another strawberry smoothie.

And this time make sure
you get allthe seeds.

[ grunts]

This little number is
the Hawaiian Haven Aloha.

[ gasps]

Come on, guys!

I smell herring.

And this is what we call
the Grecian Grotto.

[ all "oohing"]

GIRL:Wow!

What are we looking at
price-wise?

Here: tax, destination charges,

liability insurance is
not included.

Whoa!

Oh, my.

Can you show us the
I-don't-need-to-impress-
my-neighbors model?

Just imagine a square,
cement hole in the ground.

Sold.

[ backhoe engine whirring]

I just don't get

how boys can be so fascinated
by heavy equipment.

Ah, it's just like
their big old toys to them.

They outgrow it.

Come see-- they're bringing in
a pile driver.

We're doomed.

[ thudding]

Jeez...

I wonder what kind
of education you need

to get one of
them jobs.

Yikes!
Oh!
Ah!

You'd better come out,

I think we found something.

Nobody touch anything.

This could be the archaeological
find of a lifetime.

I'll get some stakes and string
and my "Special Moments" diary.

Don't you know
what that is?

It's a reptar.

Reptar?

Dilly was too young to remember.

Man, I haven't seen him
in years.

We played with him for hours
back here.

He seemed so much bigger
back then.

Remember how evil Reptar used
to scare us when we were babies?

Agh!

Ah!

I think I remember
just fine, thank you.

[ all laughing]

Look it, poor thing's broken.

Well, then,
just throw it out,
Chuckie.

Throw out Reptar, Jr.?

He was like everything
to us.

He's an eight-inch
piece of plastic.

Just give him to me.

No, I'll do it.

He's not going to like it.

[ thunder cracks]

We're not paying for this.

CHUCKIE:
I'm telling you, Tommy,

we shouldn't have thrown Reptar
out like that.

[ groaning]

BETTY:
Come on, Finster, put
some muscle behind it

or you won't be ready
for bathing suit season.

You're getting
all bent here, Chuckie.

That machine went nuts
because of an electrical storm.

You didn't see the look
in Reptar's one good eye.

[ straining]

Tommy, your mother
and I wanted to cover
some ground rules

before leaving
you kids alone tonight.

Sure, Dad, cinco minutos.

So, Stuey, those
the new gold mine
I've been hearing about?

Yep, let me give you
a little demonstration.

This is large.

[ pants bleeping]

Here's medium.

[ voice straining]:
And this is small.

[ gasping]

A little help here.

Ahh...

Whoa!

[ groaning]

[ screams]

You okay there,
Stuey?

[ panting]

Never had that happen before.

I'm going to run
some safety checks.

Thanks for the Heimlich.

See?

What are you saying--

Reptar caused that, too?

My dad's inventions are
always a little funky.

Remember pre-chewed
chewing gum?

Ugh, I'd rather not.

My mouth still tastes
like someone else's.

See?

Ah, maybe you're right.

What happened last night,

it was probably just
a freak accident.

All right, Chuckers,

let's sweat it
till we get it.

Chuckie, you okay?!

Howard!

BETTY:
Didn't I tell you
to clean the garage!

What?

[ thunder crackling]

Root beer, orange soda,
lemon-lime, oh, yeah.

This'll be a belch fest.

[ belches ]

ANGELICA:
What is up

with the kettle corn, boys?

Ask Dil.

I'm trying to see if I can
pop it through mind control.

LIL:
Give me that.

Mind control, please!

I got you to make it,
didn't I?

I don't want to miss a minute

of this two-hour
Yu-Gotta-Gospecial.

I hear the effects
kick total butt.

And the clothes
are pretty, too.

Don't sweat it,
Lillian.

First they'll show

The Making of
the Two-Hour Yu-Gotta-Gomovie.

Then they'll show

the Behind the Scenes of
the Two-Hour Yu-Gotta-Gomovie.

Then there'll be

a Behind the Scenes of a Making
of the Yu-Gotta-Gomovie--

a director's cut.

[ air pressure building]

Dang, what a stink.

You should have let
my brain do it.

[ electricity crackling]

Oh, no.

It's happening.

What's happening?

It's the Curse of Reptar.

We found our old Reptar toy
and tossed him out.

Now Chuckie thinks
Reptar's mad at us.

That is, like, the lamest thing
I've ever heard.

You guys probably just
popped a breaker.

Come on,
they're in the basement.

You pre-teens are lucky

your parents found
someone my age around

to figure these things out.

You know, she's right.

That may be
the scariest thought
all night.

I think it's over here.

Oh, let me do this-- whoa!

[ splashing]

What is this stuff?

Uh... uh...

For the record,

whatever it is, it isn't mine.

Guys...

do you see what I see?

This isn't just any slime.

That slime's
in the shape of Reptar.

[ Chuckie gagging]

That's not Reptar.

It is if you
look at it like this.

Oh, man-- it's Reptar.

Dil, five minutes ago

you thought you could pop
popcorn with your eyeballs.

I'm telling you,
Tommy,

it's just like
that movie we saw.

We unearthed Reptar
from his final resting place

and now he's seeking
his unholy revenge.

As the only mature one
in this room right now,

I have to say: "You're nuts!"

Putting me on Tommy's side,

which is a first
I'm not particularly proud of,

so I'm going upstairs
to get this yuck off me.

Can we forget this?

There's a Yu-Gotta-Go
two-hour special

and I'm not
going to miss it.

Forget it, guys--

the cable's gone out.

[ all gasp]

Well, if that isn't a sign

then I don't know
what is.

DIL:
Is it working now?

How about now?

Is it working now?

It's official:
I'm wigging.

Me, too.

You guys, there's a storm,
cable goes out.

It happens.

DIL:
Is it working now?

[ knob squeaking]

[ wood creaking]

[ screams]

[ humming]

[ gasping]

[ humming]

[ Angelica screams]

[ sobbing]

Ew!
Ew!
Ew!
Ew!

What is
that stench?

[ sniffs]

That is definitely
not mine.

[ knob squeaking]

What is going on here,
Pickles?

What is wrong
with your house?!

You bought this as
a foreclosure, didn't you?

Look, it's coming out here, too.

Call your folks, Tommy.

I've been trying,

but the line's dead.

Do you believe me now?
Huh? Huh?

We need to get Reptar
back in his grave

or face his wrath forever.

Hate to say it,
but I'm with the C-Man
on this one.

What if there is
a "Curse of Reptar?"

You guys watch
too many scary movies.

What's next-- a guy
in a hockey mask and an a*

crashes through the door?

[ all scream]

Wanted to tell you,

I got the Korean station
loud and clear.

Okay, look,
there's still a chance

we might get to see this
Yu-Gotta-Gospecial.

If it would make
everybody feel better,

let's get Reptar

and we'll put him down
for a nice, long dirt nap.

[ thunder cracks]

Maybe if we shoved him
in a shoe box.

This feels so disrespectful.

Forget it.

Just get that
lizard wanna-be

and throw him
in the hole.

It's freezing cold
out here!

[ screams]

Reptar's gone.

[ all gasp]

TOMMY:
Ah, I can't believe you
talked me into this, Chuckie.

Yuck!

The supervisor said

they divide up the trash
by neighborhood.

Reptar's got to be in here
somewhere.

Then the pile over there must be
from someplace real swank

because it's only got
half the noxious gases.

So why'd you even come,
Angelica?

Are you kidding?

Don't you know it's
always the gorgeous girl

with the bouncy hair

who never makes it to
the end of the movie?

I'd be a goner.

This must be
the Johnson's trash.

They only eat
cheese and broccoli.

Who knew the world of waste
management was so fascinating.

Just think, if that
heavy-equipment gig
doesn't work out,

all this could be mine.

Why not-- it looks like
your room.

All right--

who in the neighborhood uses
tuna that's not "dolphin safe?"

I'm kicking patoot
and taking names.

That's it, I'm done!

We've looked for hours,
I'm going home.

But Tommy, what about Reptar?

[ sighs]

Chuckie, if there's
any Curse of Reptar...

it's that you don't
want to let him go

and grow up.

PHIL:
Hey, over here!

I found him!

He was under
a box of buffalo wings.

What?

They were still warm.

Well...

good-bye, old buddy.

Even though I didn't
think about you once

in the last five years,
I'll miss you.

Can you speed this up,
we're all getting soaked.

It's okay.

Here goes.

[ roars]

I can't,
I can't,
I can't.

[ all groan]

Oh, just ditch the doll,
would you, Finster?

Oh, give him to me,
I'll do it.

Step away from
the reptile, Angelica.

Now, I know to you guys
Reptar may not mean a lot,

but he does
to me.

He was once my favorite toy,
and if I remember right,

he was your guys', too.

The first movie we saw
was Reptar.

He was our first cereal,
our first snack bar.

Our first ice show was
"Reptar on Ice."

[ laughing]

You guys went to see
an ice show?

[ laughing]

Reptar even gave me a mom.

[ laughing]

Oh.

And a sister.

If we hadn't gone
to Reptar Land,

my dad wouldn't have met
Kira and Kimi.

And I wouldn't be here
with you right now.

I know I'm supposed
to want to grow up,

but maybe I don't want to do it
as fast as you guys.

I'm sorry, Chuckie.

I completely forgot
what Reptar meant to you.

Maybe we should keep him
after all.

Are you crying,
Phillip?

[ sniffling]

No.

So it's decided--
we keep Reptar.

Whoa!Whoa!
[ all screaming]

Cool.

[ laughs]

[ all panicking]

Here, if the powers of evil
want him so bad,

you can keep him!

[ water splashes, dog barks]

[ barks]

Ah, jeez, uh...

I'm sorry, there,
Mr. and Mrs. Pickles,

but it seems
the backhoe hitting your house

loosened your foundation.

Well, I'm not paying for it.

Stu... please.

That certainly
explains the hole

in the floorboards,

and the seeping walls,

and the power problems,

but what about
the gunk in the pipes?

Foundation broke the water main.

years of backwash
just got sucked right in there.

Ew.

Well, I'm not paying for it.

Well, that's nice and all,

but we're not liable for damage
caused by "force of nature."

I'll show you the contract
you signed.

Uh, excuse me a minute...

[ groans]

I don't know why,

but I've been packing
'em on like crazy lately.

You know,

I might be able
to help you there.

Of course... if you make it
worth my while.

Let me introduce you to a little
item I call Gorge N' Grow.

CHUCKIE:
So there wasn't any
Curse of Reptar

after all.

Well, what do you know
about that.

Well, good night.

That's it?

After scaring everyone
half to death, that's it?

Oh, yeah... sorry.

I'm going to miss Reptar,
though.

But maybe it is time we grow up.

I don't think
we have a choice.

You still think
we'll get the pool, T?

Because I was thinking
of expanding my sanctuary

and calling it
"Habitat For Manatee."

Pool, yes.

Marine mammals, no.

[ roaring]

Reptar!Reptar!
[ Reptar roars, babies giggle]

[ barking]
[ roaring]

[ babies giggling]

There you go, boy.

Couldn't leave you out here
all by yourself in the cold.

[ Reptar roars]

DIL:
Come on, guys, I smell herring!