04x06 - Rat Traps

[bunniefuu]

GIRL:
Four, three, two, one!

[ rock music playing]

♪ Every birthday,
my mom and dad would say ♪

♪ "You're another year older,
another year wiser" ♪

♪ But I still go to school

♪ To get an education

♪ I treat each and every day

♪ Like a mini vacation

♪ All grown up!

♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪

♪ All grown up!

♪ I want the world to know

♪ All grown up!

♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪

♪ All grown up

♪ With you

♪ All grown up with...

♪ you.

[ thunder]

[ insipid music playing]

TOMMY:
Last three hours of vacation,
and it's still raining.

This is the worst
spring break ever.

I think I'm
coming down

with a case
of mall-aria.

Can't we do
something fun?

PHIL:
Yeah, like
Laser Battle.

LIL:
Or climbing K!

[ yells]

We could go
in the pet store

and watch the snake
lose its skin.

[ rattling]

KIRA:
Count me out.

I hate seeing animals
trapped in cages.

Aren't we all
in a cage right now?

Cages of consumerism.

[ beeping]

Ooh! k*ller
high-tops.

I gotta
get me those!

We have enough money

to sh**t over to the multiplex
and go see a movie.

Not The Big Dumb
Talking Cat Movie.

It's so lame.

And we've seen it
six times!

No-- The Labyrinth Guy.

CHUCKIE:
But we're not allowed to see
PG- movies.

KIRA:
Nobody will know.

We'll buy tickets to The
Big Dumb Talking Cat Movie

in theater two

and then sneak into Labyrinth
Guyin theater three.

Not that I've given it
much thought.

Oh, I don't think
it's such a good idea.

Last time my dad got mad at me,

he had to carry around
an inhaler for two days.

Oh, fine--

Big Dumb Talking Cat
it is... again.

Excuse me, could you please
contribute to Camp Merrily?

Contribute to Camp Merrily?

Even ten dollars sends
a kid to camp for...

[ groans]

Hey, lady!

I know how much
those shoes cost.

You could send
kids to camp,

if you return
that ugly scarf

you just bought.

[ young kids exclaiming]

Seeing The Big Dumb Cat Movie,
huh, Finster?

Ah, don't be scared--

he doesn't
really talk.

Aw, now you
ruined it for him.

[ both laughing]

You okay?

Why is it always
the guy with the glasses

and the swollen
adenoids who gets
picked on?

Well, I've had it!

I'll show them.

We're seeing The Labyrinth Guy.

Yes!

dollars...
cents.

How'd you do?

Ten, eleven... $...
and one certified check.

How'd you do that?!

Aah, it's
nothing.

Should have seen me
on my magazine drive.

I had a nun
in tears!

Are we done yet?

I want to see
Labyrinth Guy.

You promised
if I tutored you
in English you'd help me.

But the whole spring break?

Your choice:

waste one little
spring break doing this

or spend a whole summer
in school reading
Pilgrim's Progress.

[ slurping]

Hey! You!

Six bucks for
an ice cream cone?

Don't you think
you could have
spent that money

on someone who needs it?

Don't tell my wife-- she thinks
I'm still on Food Watchers.

[ slurping continues]

Now can we go?

Let me just lock up.

Wow... that's
a lot of green.

Uh, you missed
a spot.

We're not really
janitors, Nimrod.

Oh... right.

Yeah, you could still take
a little pride in your work.

Ready to go.

[ organ playing waltz]

ANGELICA:
Hey! Frumpkin!

Oh...

[ yells]

[ people screaming]

Oh... hi, Susie.

Hi, Angelica.

Harold, I didn't know
you could skate like that.

Yeah, nobody does.

I was afraid
people'd laugh.

[ laughing]

Never mind her.

It takes a real man
to figure-skate.

Listen you want
to go see The Labyrinth Guy?

You bet!

Just give me a sec
to get out of my tights.

[ heavy-b*at
movie music playing]

Our very first
PG- movie.

I know...
boys with shirts off
and everything.

I don't get this movie.

See, that guy, Neon,

thinks he's
in a nightmare.

but his nightmare
is really reality.

He doesn't know
reality is really
computer-generated.

So really his reality
is really a nightmare.

It's just a metaphor
for the alienation we all feel.

Is this yourfingernail?
Sorry.

Excuse me, coming through!

Speaking
of nightmares.

[ cell phone rings
as audience moans]

Yes, Harold?

We're in the middle row
halfway down.

Make sure
that popcorn's still hot.

On my way.

No phones in the...

Oh, not you again.

You know the drill.

[ audience applauds]

[ movie music continues,
then stops dramatically]

[ all gasp]

We will take that disk,
Miss Shelby.

Here, the future
is in your hands.

The future is now.

[ whooping and whistling]

Neon rocks!

Finster?!

Finster, Pickles, Pickles,
DeVille-squared

in a PG- movie?

Oh, this is beautiful!

We're doomed.

[ thunder]

And I want a Sludgie,
a hotdog and, oh...

a box of sticky buns.

Uh, but we promised our parents
we'd be home already.

You also promised them

that you wouldn't see
a PG- movie, hmm?

Do you like
your sticky buns

with or
without icing?

With.

Angelica, this is
the last bus.

If they miss it,
their parents will
be mad at you.

I'll just have to do
the right thing, I guess...

pretend I never saw them.

My phone!

I forgot to get it back!

Come on.

[ insipid music playing]

We couldn't get
you food--

the mall
is all closed up.

Food? Is that
all you preteens
think about?

I think losing
a cell phone

is a little
more important.

[ grates rattling]

[ insipid music fades
and stops]

We're trapped!

This is just like
when Neon got stuck

in the th dimension...

without the wind machine,
earplugs and stunt doubles.

Nobody panic.

There's a fire alarm.

I'll pull it, somebody'll
be here in no time.

[ grates rattling]

[ insipid music resumes]

Whoa...

How'd that happen?

I have no idea.

Phew, that was a close one.

I guess we can leave now.

Wouldn't be right
playing all the free games.

Or eating all the free food.

Well... let's go.

Are you people crazy?!
[ all screaming with joy]

The rock wall is mine!

Last one to Laser Battle's
a buckethead!

Shoes! Nobody touch the shoes!

All we got to do now
is get all the money out

and we're set for life.

You sure
this'll work, Cliffy?

How long are you going to put up
with Dad flicking your ear

and calling you a lazy
good-for-nothing, huh?

Besides, who's
going to stop us?

We got the whole place
to ourselves.

Hey, where'd
those mini-hunas come from?

No little squirts are going
to get in the way of that money.

Let's go!

[ whooping]

Check me out!

I am queen of the hill.

Slow down
or you're going to fall!

Well...

Hold the rope.

I got another nosebleed.

[ bell rings as airplane zips]

DIL:
Good takeoff.

Looks beautiful
from up here, Houston.

Mayday! Mayday!

[ electronic beeping]

Okay... best out of .

[ laughing]

Jailbreak.

[ whistling]

Jailbreak.

Ow! Ow!

Ow! These things... look good.

Harold, what
do you think?

I'm a size in Europe!

The mama bear...

the papa bear...

and the little baby bear.

[ screams]

Kitty!

[ organ music begins playing]

[ music stops]

Nobody understands me.

Okay, you take that
over to the tower

and start sucking out
the money.

Just because you're
three years older

doesn't make you
the boss.

No, but this does.

Ow!

Now, get that money,

and I'll take care
of those kiddies.

[ motors whirring]

LIL:
Hey, Chuckie--

Phil just made a cotton candy
the shape of his butt.

You gotta come see.

[ giggling]

No, thanks.

Wow.

Why so bummed?

Ever wonder what your life
would've been like

if you hadn't
been named "Lil"?

Yeah-- awful.

The only other name

my mom knew that rhymed
with Phil was "Bill."

I would've loved "Bill"--
no baggage.

But "Chuckie"?

I act like a Chuckie,
I wheeze like a Chuckie,

get picked on like a Chuckie!

What's your middle name?

Crandall.

Oh.

Just once I'd like to feel
like a... a Bill or a Hank...

or a Neon.

Maybe you are a Neon-- in here.

Maybe you're right.

Maybe there's a cool guy
inside waiting to come out.

[ motor whirs]

A little help here?

That's weird.

[ vacuum whooshing]

[ gasps]

Smile!

[ camera timer beeping]

DIL:
Guys! Guys!

ALL:
Dil!

Sorry, but there's a robber
taking Susie's money.

What do you mean,
Susie's money?

I saw him-- he had
this big machine

and was vacuuming
out the money.

It was just
like the movie

when they sucked out
Neon's thoughts

with the extractinator.

Wait a minute.

That would explain
why all the stores
suddenly opened.

We should call someone.

Angelica, you have
a cell phone.

Hada cell phone.

They took it from me
in the movies, remember?

You mean we're
trapped in here
with a real criminal?

Wait, he'll help us.

Hey! What are you kids
doing in here?

We got locked in.

A robber's trying
to steal the Tower of Dollars.

Is that so?

Oh, why don't we go down
to the security office

and we'll talk all about it?

[ sneakers beeping]
He's no security guard--

he stole those sneakers
from the store!

Run!

CLIFF:
Get back here!

You're not getting out of this!

Coast is clear.

Great idea, Phil--

suggesting
that stupid movie.

Since when
do you listen to me?

I'm a moron!

Plus, it was Angelica
who made us come back in here.

I don't care whose fault it is!

We have to get out of here.

Those guys could be
mutant androids

that spit acid
out of their eyes!

That's it--
no more PG- movies for me.

I'm going back to epic romances.

We're going to bolt?

No way!

That money is for
underprivileged kids.

They don't have that money yet.

We could still stop them.

How?

They're bigger
than us.

CHUCKIE:
Neon would do it.

Neon makes mil a picture.

CHUCKIE:
Okay, forget about Neon.

This is about me.

I am tired of running
away from jerks.

This is my opportunity

to prove that Chuckie
can be tough, too.

Chuckie, if you really think
you need to do this,

I'm with you.

[ all exclaim]

Thanks, guys.

The future... is... now.

Ooh! [ shouts]

CHUCKIE [ muffled]:
A little help here?

Everybody clear?

Harold grabs the loot,
hands it to me.

They come after me--

that's when
you girls take over.

[ vacuum whooshing]

You sure you want to be
the one they chase?

When it comes to
running from bullies,
who's most qualified?

You are.

Right. Hmm.[ static]

When are we dropping
the lock on them, C-man?

CHUCKIE [ over radio]:
When they hit that store.

[ vacuum whooshing; shuts off]

Okay, on the code word,
we roll.

What is the word?

Uh... "broccoli."

I don't like it.

CHUCKIE [ over radio]:
Think of another word.

I just don't like broccoli.

Guys, this isn't about broccoli,
it's about saving Susie's money.

Ready, Harold?

In a sec.

Angelica, before I go,
I want you to have something

to remember me by.

Your retainer?

Yuck!

Now you'll have
something

to remember me by--
an overbite.

Ah, Angelica.

Well, see you!

I can't wait
to see Dad's face
when I tell him,

"Find someone else
to shave Grandpa's back!

I'm out of here!"

I don't know.

I'll miss the furry little guy.

Whoa!

Incoming!

Hey!

No prob.

His moves ain't that sweet.

[ panting]

[ thief shouting]

And they say
skating isn't macho.

[ Chuckie screaming]

Quick, we'll take
the escalator

and grab him
as he's getting off.

What the...?

Grout?

I'm nailed to the rail!

I... can't... pull...

my... hand...

off!

[ ripping]

[ screaming]

[ ripping]Ow...!

Wait!

SUSIE:
You know what
your problem is, boys?

You've got to get in touch
with your softer side!

[ motor whirring]

[ shouting]

[ engines droning]

[ both shouting,
planes droning]

CLIFF:
Come on, let's go!

But I don't like
the dark!

Oh, stop being
a baby!

I'm looking
for a light.

TOMMY:
You want some light?

Here you go!

[ thieves shouting,
g*ns zapping]

My sockets are burning
like rockets!

Let's get her!

[ both grunt]

[ groaning]

Ha!

We got him now.

Come and get me!

Uh-oh.

Oh, it's small in here.

And it smells like feet.

[ Chuckie shouting]

It's a trap!

Go back! Go back!

Oh, no, they're getting away!

Not on my watch.

[ hamsters chirping]

[ hamsters squealing]

Aah! Hamsters!

I hate hamsters!

[ both shouting,
hamsters squealing]

[ hamsters squealing]

Get them off,
get them off!

Get them off!

[ squealing]

[ grate rattling]

[ lock beeps]

[ kids cheering]

We did it!

And all thanks to Chuckie!

Where is Chuckie?

Uh, guys.

[ kids gasp]

I guess your fearless leader
took off without you.

How did you guys get out?

You forgot one little detail.

[ keys jingle]

Now, here's the new plan:

We're going to walk
out of here

with her
and the money.

CHUCKIE:
Let my sister go!

Come on, Chuckie,
don't be stupid.

Who you calling Chuckie?

CLIFF:
Ooh, nice move,

but we still have
the money.

[ remote-control planes
droning]

[ both grunting]

[ chuckling]

You mean this money?

How the...?

What's in here then?

Kitty litter.

[ fans whirring,
thieves shouting]

CLIFF:
Please don't call
our dad.

He made me do it!

Did not!

Did too, stupid.

CLIFF:
You're stupid!

Oh, thank heavens

you boys are safe.

Oh, at first we just thought
you missed curfew.

Didn't know you were capturing
two dangerous criminals.

What do you know?

I had two heroes for lunch

and now I'm going to have me
two heroes for dinner!

[ laughing]

Oh, I know it's been a lousy
spring break for you kids,

so first sunny weekend
it's a trip to Slosh Mountain.

[ kids cheering]

Just so you know--
it was really Chuckie
who was the hero.

I never would have had
the guts, Phil,

if you didn't suggest
sneaking into that movie.

[ gasps]

You snuck
into a movie?

What movie?

Labyrinth Guy,
and boy, you were right--

I am not ready
for a PG- movie.

You kids saw a PG- movie
without permission?

[ whispering]:
Okay, no one say anything.

That's how
Angelica caught us

and why we missed
our curfew.

You missed your curfew
to play in an unsupervised mall?

Tommy, Dil, wait
till I get you home.

So does this mean
the water park thing's out?

Being a hero was nice--
while it lasted.

[ siren whooping]

That was a close one.

Sure glad I'm not
a preteen anymore.

GUARD:
Hey!

Who tried on all these shoes
and didn't put them back?!

Run!

[ screaming]

ANGELICA:
Hey, lady!

I know
how much those shoes cost.