06x04 - Blonde Ambition and the Concept of Zero

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Young Sheldon..

Why do you look like you're gonna cry?

A year ago, I was a TV
weather girl in San Antonio,

and now I'm living in a
garage with the -year-old

who got me pregnant.

I'll be before you know it.

But not before you're a father!

It's gonna be okay.

[sniffles, exhales]

Is it?

[whispers]: I peed in
the sink last night.

[squeaks]

Trust me. I'll fix this.

Make yourself at home.

Oh. Thank you so much.

It's only temporary. I promise.

Oh. No problem.

Stay as long as you need.

Bathroom's right down the hall.

Oh, boy, a bathroom.

MEEMAW: Here you go...

Scrambled eggs, bacon,

biscuits and fresh-squeezed orange juice.

Thank you. Looks amazing.

Where's mine?

You're not pregnant. She is.

Well, I like to think we're pregnant.

Really?

Are your ankles swollen?

Did you throw up this morning?

Are you constipated?

No, dear.

Stop calling me "dear."

I'm not your dear.

You want breakfast, eggs are here,

stove is there.

Knock yourself out.

I get she's pregnant.

I don't know why you're so moody.

On the count of three...

I'm leaving, I'm leaving.

Have a good day, Mama.

Ugh. "Mama."

♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

ADULT SHELDON: Since losing his job,

one of the few upsides for my dad

was having the house to himself
to enjoy some peace and quiet.

BRENDA: Billy!

Stop feeding the chickens Cap'n Crunch!

- BILLY: But they like it.
- We've been over this.

You don't eat their food,
they don't eat yours.

Everything okay over there?

Yeah.

Doesn't sound okay.

Oh. You don't want to know.

Tell me.

He's failing math,

and they might hold him back.

That's rough.

I try helping him, but math
was never my strong suit.

Yeah, I hear ya.

And when you do try to
help 'em, they realize

how dumb you are.

You think...

Sheldon would help Billy?

[sighs] I'm not sure helping
others is where he shines.

Pissing 'em off...
He's got that down cold.

Well, then I'm screwed.

I can't afford a tutor.

Let me talk to Sheldon,

see what I can do.

Appreciate it.

BILLY: Mom, look!

That chicken is not a hat!

Hurry.

Hey. How was school?

Sucked.

Language.

You asked, and it did.

What happened?

I don't want to talk about it.

Are you sure?

I'm a pretty good listener.

Then why didn't you hear me say
I don't want to talk about it?

- Is this about a boy?
- Mom.

I-I do have some
experience on the subject.

Please, the only two boys
you have experience with

are Dad and Jesus.

I'm gonna go talk to Meemaw.

I know other boys.

And then he walked right on
by me like I wasn't there.

Does he even know you like him?

I don't know. I've ignored
him, been mean to him.

What else can I do?

Sounds like you've tried everything.

Okay.

I've got an idea.

Why don't you just tell him?

But what if he doesn't like me back?

I would die.

You will not die.

Oh, yes, I will. I will be dead,

and you will be sad at my funeral.

How about this...

Why don't you get one
of your girlfriends

to find out how he feels about you.

- Why?
- Because then you don't

have to put yourself on the spot.

Okay. And if he doesn't like me back,

I'll just keep being
mean to him until he does.

I don't know why that works.

Men are dumb.

Does that mean we're
dumb for liking 'em?

It's not a good look for us.

- [knocking]
- You busy?

Yes, but I'm also excellent

at bifurcating my
cognitive abilities. Hit me.

[sighs]

Billy is struggling with math, and, mm,

his mom was hoping that
you could tutor him.

I could.

- Great.
- But I won't.

Why not?

Because me teaching Billy
is like trying to use

the gravitational
power of a neutron star

to change the spin of a boson.

Don't do that.

If he doesn't pass math,

they're gonna hold him back.

That's the system working.

Very Darwinian.

Yeah. Never mind.

Yeah, I told Brenda teaching
wasn't really your thing.

Well, it's not that I can't do it.

Don't worry about it.

You're good at a lot of things.

Teaching just ain't one of 'em.

I know what you're doing.
It's reverse psychology.

I don't know what you're talking about.

It's childish and obvious.

- So you'll do it?
- Yes, I'll do it.

Thanks for the pie.

Mandy keeps bringing all
these leftovers from the diner.

- [chuckles]
- Well, she's lucky to have you.

[softly]: Mm-hmm.

And Missy, too.

Lucky, lucky.

Oh, it's k*lling you, isn't it?

What? No.

I...

I am happy

that she has an adult she can confide in

about... [sputters softly]

Come on. Just tell me.

I would.

But the bond between a girl
and her grandmother is...

sacred.

I am her mother and I am your daughter.

Give me something.

[sighs]

It's just boy stuff, okay?

[exhales]

That she'd rather talk to you about.

That's right.

[sighing groan]

There you go.

Eat those feelings.

All right, I'm given
to understand you have

a test coming up on negative
numbers and fractions.

Yeah.

So, what part don't you understand?

Oh, boy.

Let's take it back a step.

Where do you stand on
addition, subtraction,

multiplication and division?

I'm against it.

[exhales]

[quietly]: Oh, boy.

Hope you like tuna salad.

I brought you a whole tub.

How old is it?

I don't know, but the clock's ticking.

Meemaw?

Uh-oh.

We need to talk.

Hi.

- Hi.
- What's going on?

I told Heather that I liked Kevin

so she could find out
if he liked me back.

Then she asked him out.

- What?
- She didn't even think

he was cute until I said I liked him.

Well, why'd you tell her?

She told me to.

'Cause that's how you find out

if somebody likes you in school.

That's o-one way.

Why? What would you have done?

Uh, well, you put him on Heather's radar

when you said you liked him.

I probably would have dropped a note

in his locker or asked
one of his guy friends.

That makes so much more sense.

Why didn't you tell me that?

I gave you good advice.

It's not my fault Heather sucks.

[scoffs] So what do I do now?

Well, the first thing...

I was talking to her.

Okay, your basic arithmetic skills

are disappointing but functional.

Thank you.

All right, let's talk
about negative numbers.

I'm all ear.

"Ears."

No. "Ear."

This one's clogged.

Right. Okay.

Negative numbers are numbers
that are less than zero.

- But zero's nothing.
- Yes.

So how can you have less than nothing?

Let's see.

How about this?

If you have a dollar, that's one.

If you have no dollars, that's zero.

But if you owe me a
dollar, that's negative one.

Does that make sense?

I think so.

All right, we're making progress.

Mom!

I owe Sheldon a dollar.

Tomorrow, I'm gonna tell Heather

what a bitch she is
in front of everyone.

No, no, no. Don't show your cards.

- Tomorrow, you're gonna be her best friend.
- Why?

'Cause then she'll tell you things,

and you can use those
things against her.

Oh. You're good.

I know.

It's nice to have someone
to talk to about this stuff.

My mom's pretty religious,
and my meemaw's kind of old.

MEEMAW: Hey.

I'm sitting right here.

Evening.

I thought you were with Missy.

Oh.

I thought it was a good
idea if she talked to Mandy.

[fridge door shuts]

They're closer in age.

She threw you over, didn't she?

Without hesitation.

Stings, don't it?

It do.

Well, regardless,

I'm glad Missy has
someone she can talk to.

- Like a big sister.
- Yeah.

Who got knocked up by a
-year-old knucklehead.

Why does she want to
talk to her instead of us?

- Pisses me off.
- [door opens]

Hey. What's up?

Nothing. Just making dinner.

What's going on with you?

Just trying to stay busy.

Keep my mind off the fact
that the mother of my child

doesn't want me around.

Oh, honey, I'm sorry.

Hey. Maybe you could put
in a good word for me.

And what would that word be?

Take your pick. Dependable.

Hardworking. Trustworthy.

- Sexy.
- Georgie.

You're right.

Sexy's how I got into this pickle.

And if you add negative
one and positive one,

you get?

Zero?

Correct.

I think I understand.

- Good.
- One question...

How can you have zero
if zero is nothing?

It's not something that you have.

Zero represents a state of nothingness.

What does that mean?

It's nothingness.

The absence of somethingness.

Trust me, zero is a thing.

But you just said it's a nothing.

I did.

Which is it?

A something or a nothing?

[exploding sound]

[wind whooshing]

We have a problem.

What?

Zero might not exist.

[chuckles] Of course zero exists.

Great. Then explain it to me.

Easy. Zero is nothing.

But how can nothing be a thing?

Think of it this way...

Picture an empty box.

All right.

What's in the box?

Nothing.

It's not nothing. Air,
atoms, molecules...

That empty box is as
full as full can be.

Regardless,

zero is very important.

I'm not saying it isn't important.

I'm just saying the little
round guy ain't real.

You're being silly.

Zero is a number,

like every other number.

Oh, yeah? Can you divide with it?

Well...

No.

In fact, the Greek
philosopher Parmenides said,

"Nothing cannot exist,
because to speak of something

is to speak of something that exists."

Well, I suppose...

you could look at it that way.

Dr. Sturgis,

zero isn't real.

[exploding sound]

[wind whooshing]

I feel dizzy.

[door opens]

Need any help making dinner?

You?

Yeah.

Since when?

Since I thought I should learn
to cook for Mandy and the baby.

Georgie, that is the sweetest
thing I've ever heard.

Well, I'm a sweet boy.

So what are we doing here?

We are peeling potatoes.

Cool.

Why?

'Cause we're making mashed potatoes

and we don't want the skins in 'em.

Uh-huh.

Why?

'Cause mashed potatoes
are supposed to be smooth.

Hmm. [chuckles]

You know a lot about potatoes.

Go ahead. Peel one.

You think I'm ready?

Only one way to find out.

I'll see ya later.

- Where you going?
- To dinner.

[scoffs] I'm cooking.

Actually, we're cooking.

Actually, we're bleeding.

Mandy's taking me to dinner.

What about homework?

Don't have any.

Can I go with y'all?

I thought you were helping me cook.

Hang on. Can I?

No. It's girls' night.

Bye.

Might want to wash this one off.

Oh.

Any updates on Kevin?

I did what you said and was
nothing but nice to Heather.

Okay. How'd that go?

So good.

I found out she stuffs her bra.

Huh. See? When the time is right,

you can destroy her with that.

That's gonna be a good day.

And that trick isn't
just for middle school.

That's something you can use
for the rest of your life.

You are so wise.

Well, I have lived a little.

And so pretty.

You should be on TV.

Actually, when I lived in San Antonio,

I was a weather girl.

Oh, my God, you were a TV star?

Monday through Friday, : a.m.,

right before the farm report.

Okay, you're, like, my new hero.

Oh, stop. You could
totally be a weather girl.

No. They're all perfect
and blonde. Like you.

Anybody can be blonde.

[scoffs] You think
Madonna's really blonde?

What?

[whispers]: She's a brunette.

What about her Blond Ambition Tour?

Ha. More like Bottle
Blond Ambition Tour.

Funny and beautiful.

No wonder my brother put a baby in you.

♪

What's wrong?

Zero.

Zero is wrong?

Zero doesn't exist.

I don't understand.

Neither do we.

Dr. Linkletter, there's
no such thing as zero.

That's preposterous. Of course there is.

Prove it, tough guy.

[stammers]

♪

Uh-oh.

[retches, coughs]

May I have that?

[retches loudly]

Over here.

Uh-oh.

[footsteps approaching]

Let me see.

- It's bad.
- Just stay calm.

I'm sure it's fine.

It's the end of my life.

Just show me.

[exhales] Oh, my.

That is... something.

I can probably be homeschooled, right?

It's okay. We can fix this.

Before my parents get home?

They're gonna k*ll me.

Oh, man.

Look at your head.

- Shut up!
- Georgie, don't make this worse.

- There's worse?
- [door opens]

- GEORGE SR.: Anyone home?
- [door closes]

Okay, stay here. We'll stall him.

Do you see her head?

GEORGE SR.: Oh.

Hey. What's up?

Nothing. Nada. Absolutely nothing.

Where are the kids?

Well, I believe Sheldon's at Billy's.

Oh, good. He's helping him.

- Mm.
- And Missy?

Missy...

That's a good question.

I haven't seen her.

I have not seen her, personally, myself.

Okay.

[door closes]

We're a good team, me and you.

Oh, not now, Georgie.

I'm afraid I have some bad news.

If you mean I'm gonna
be left back, it's okay.

You tried.

No. Well, maybe.

I have bad news about zero.

It doesn't exist.

So I was right?

No one is more shocked than I am.

I can't help you with your test.

Without zero, I don't even
know what math is anymore.

Hmm.

Yeah. Hmm.

What if we just pretend it exists?

Are you saying to accept
zero as an act of faith?

Was I?

I think so.

Okay.

My mom accepts God as an act of faith,

and zero is way more useful than God.

- Do not say that around Pastor Jeff.
- Think about it.

Without zero, we wouldn't have calculus.

Without God, we wouldn't
have Spanish Inquisition.

I know the Spanish word for "fajita."

And don't forget... before the Big Bang,

there was actually nothing.

It's "fajita."

So you could say the entire universe

was born out of zero.

Meaning that zero created
the universe, not God.

Maybe we should pray to it.

I think we should.

Zero, it's me, Sheldon.

I know I doubted you, but in my defense,

you're literally nothing.

I would like to thank you for
all the gifts you've given us...

The null set, Fibonacci sequence,

binary language.

I could go on ad infinitum,

but not without you.

[whispers]: Ask Zero
to help me pass my test.

Zero's not magic. You
still have to study.

Oh. Then I'm going back to Jesus.

Jesus, please help me.

I'm already the biggest
kid in sixth grade.

Amen.

Amen.

[TV playing indistinctly]

Hello? Who's in there?

MISSY: Me.

I need to use the bathroom.

Give me a minute.

[sighs]

Can someone give me a
hand with these groceries?

Sure. Dad, come on.

[stammers] I got to go to the bathroom.

Hey, Mandy.

Mrs. Cooper.

What brings you here?

Just saying hi to Georgie.

Why, hello to you, too.

Let's get a move on.

Oh, boy.

Damn it, Missy. I'm two seconds away

from peeing in your
mother's prayer garden.

Look what I found.

What the hell?

Melissa Cooper, what did you do?

Yeah. What did you do?

- Yeah.
- [door closes]

Good news. I think Billy

might pass his math test tomorrow.

There's a math test tomorrow?

Your hair is upsetting me.

Screw it. I'm going outside.

[door slams]

[quietly]: You can
cheat off me if you want.

I studied.

[whispers]: Thanks.

ADULT SHELDON: I'm not
saying it was God or zero,

but a small miracle did happen that day.

Billy passed the test with a

and went on to the seventh grade.

Where he remained for
the next several years.