03x04 - Brat-Sitting

Complete collection from season one to five. Aired December 2000 - August 2005.*
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The lives and loves of a group of gay friends living in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
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03x04 - Brat-Sitting

Post by bunniefuu »

[A bizarre Show. All male actors in black suits are at the stage - together. A moderator calls their names - and they walk up in front.]

Moderator: And our next contestant - Michael Novotny!

[Audience cheers.]

Moderator: And here comes Ted Schmidt! A new entry - Justin Taylor! The favourite Brian Kinney! A real crowd breezer Emmett Honeycut! And let's hear it for Ben Bruckner! [he opens the envelope] And the winner is... Brian Kinney!

[All boys claps with their hands. Cut to Mel - she's scream. We're in Mel's bedroom.]

Lindsay: What is it?

Mel: Oh, I had that dream. Again.

Lindsy: Mr.Sperm donor pageant? Who won this time?

Mel: Guess!

Lindsay: Maybe it's some kind of sign.

Mel: I've already told you I want someone else.

Lindsay: But we agreed it's important that our kids has the same parent.

Mel: I didn't agree to the same assh*le.

Lindsay: I need my sleep.

Mel: Look, I know how much it means to you - you always has, you always will - it doesn't seem the same to me.

[Cut to Brian's office. Brian holds up a potato chip.]

Vance: "To eat or not to eat".

Brian: Try one. One's not wanna k*ll you.

[He tastet some - soon he eats he screams for water.]

Vance: Water! Jesus! You've said it wasn't gonna k*ll me what the hell are in those things?

Brian: Chilly powder, tobasco, peppers, a touch of sulfuric acid for the extra little kick. Meet our news account. "Hot Potato"

Vance: How we can make those sexy?

[Brian show Vance his idea.]

Vance: Hehe, "Hotter than your date, last saturday night."

Cynthia: I'm sorry Brian, but she insisted.

Claire: Brian, I need to talk to you. The school just called. Peter broke his arm in soccer practise.

Brian: Gardner? My sister Claire.

Vance: Sounds like you have a family crisis. I'll leave you. My pleasure.

Claire: I have to get to the emergency room right away.

Brian: Then what are you doin' here?

Claire: Can you help me? Can you look after John?

Brian: In case you haven't noticed, but I'm workin'.

Claire: Well, I don't know what else to do with him.

Brian: Stick him in a look at the bus station. You have hear of a sitter?

Claire: I can't find someone in the middle of the day.

Brian: Leave him with mom.

Claire: Mom's indisposed.

Brian: She passed out drunk again.

Claire: Brian please - I don't have time for this.

Brian: How long have you been?

Claire: I don't know, but I call as soon as I'm know. [to John] OK, you behave yourself, do you hear me?

[Claire leaves, John plays with Nintendo and Brian's edgy.]

John: You still a f*g?

Brian: Here... [he points to "Hot Potatos"] have one. Have two.

[And John grabs a handful. Brian smirks.]

[Cut to Mel and Lindz at the diner, ticking the guys' names off a list.]

Lindsay: [looking to Justin and talks to Mel] Look at the bone construction. Those adorable ears and he's incredible talented.

Mel: He's only 19.

Lindsay: Isn't this a plus? Fresh young sperm.

Mel: To me he's still a baby and I won't have a baby with a baby.

[Lindsay took his name off the list.]

Lindsay: Ben's brilliant.

Mel: I'll say he's perfect except for one thing...

Lindsay: Right. There is always Ted.

Mel: Our good reliable Teddy.

[Took his name off the list.]

Lindsay: Emmett?

[Mel looks straight to Linds and she's took his name off the list. Brian has brough his little monster to the diner.]

John: What is this place?

Brian: It's called the diner.

Ted: Hey Bri, you brough yourself a new boyfriend?

Emmett: He's even younger than the last one.

[Emmett laughs - Justin's not amused.]

John: God, I hope nobody sees me.

Brian: Sit down and shut up.

Debbie: Who's the cutie?

Brian: It's the spawn of Satan of my sister.

Debbie: I can recognize family resemblance.

Brian: Both sides.

John: [to Brian] Is she a drag queen?

Debbie: So, what can I get ya, honey?

John: I'm not eating anything in here!

Brian: Bring him a burger with an extra ground glass.

Justin: Hey.

Brian: Hey.

John: I wanna go arcade in the mall. I go there every day after school. [Justin hear's that sentence.]

Brian: Does your mama know?

John: She thinks I'm in the choir practise. I bet you like that.

Michael: What are you doin' with your nephew?

Brian: I'm brat-siting.

Michael: Hey John, I'm Brian's best friend. You remember me?

John: Nah.

Michael: Why don't you bring him at the store? I have a comicbook - it's just down the street.

John: You got the new Vengers?

Michael: I got everything. Why you don't drop by and check it out? I give free samples.

John: Can we, uncle Bri'?

Brian: All the sudden we're related?

Lindsay: Isn't that sweet of Michael?

Mel: Yeah, he's a real mensch.

[they look at each other and knows.]

Mel: ...any wouldn't give us any trouble.

[At the comic store.]

John: Can I have the spiderman, too?

Michael: Hmm.

Brian: Don't be so f*cking greek. Don't give him your shitload.

Michael: It's yours.

Brian: What do you say?

John: Thanks Mike.

Brian: Don't you want a kid?

Ben: Actually I give up a serious though because the studies show that two men can raise a child...

Brian: Psst, I mean this one. C'mon!

John: I don't wanna go!

Brian: We all have to go sometimes.

[They leave the shop.]

Ben: You were great with him. You know that?

Michael: Kid's love me - don't ask me why.

Ben: I don't have to.

[Michael touch Ben's breast.]

Michael: God, your hard.

Ben: Yeah, you too.

Customer: You have the new Superman?

Michael: You look at him. It's right over there. Those workouts have been paying off. I'll see you at dinner.

Ben: I thought I'd hit the gym tonight, plan some extra time on my stomach.

Michael: I though we made plans.

Ben: So I'll change them. It isn't a problem, is it?

Michael: No. It's not a problem.

[Cut to Ted's apartment. Both eating.]

Emmett: You're a wonder.

Ted: I am?

Emmett: I've knew you 5 or 6 years and had no idea you cook.

Ted: It's because I never had someone to cook for. Now that I do you want believe the delighted I planned.

Emmett: Well, I can't hardly wait for desert.

Ted: Just a minute - I just want to clear up.

Emmett: Everything's already cleaned. It's practically spotless.

Ted: Well, you know me - I can't relax since everything is in order.

Emmett: Yeah, when I cook the kitchen looks like hurricaned.

Ted: This is so nice - I wish you didn't have to go.

Emmett: Who's goin' anywhere?

Ted: I mean, it's so inconvenient that you run back and forth to your place.

Emmett: Well sometimes someone needs to wear new undies.

Ted: Yeah, but wouldn't it be more practical if the undies came to you instead of you coming to the undies?

Emmett: OK, are you saying...?

Ted: I want you to move in.

Emmett: You mean...?

Ted: Live together. Check up.

Emmett: Check Up. I love to hear that words. But don't you think it's too soon?

Ted: Yeah, you probably right. We're knowing each other - how long? - 5,6 years. We're should wait at least another five more.

Emmett: You know what I mean. Loving and living together are two different things. What if we drive the other crazy?

Ted: Don't know at least we try. You know what I mean.

Emmett: As long as I wouldn't be in the way...

T: How could you ever be in the way?

[At Melanie and Lindsay's, Michael is showing off his daddy skills with Gus.]

Lindsay: You know, you really good with kids.

Mel: Gus adores you.

Lindsay: It's because you had a good heart.

Michael: That what my ma' always tell me. She says, "Michael, you have a good heart." You know what happens to a good heart? I think she's secretly wishes I'm more like Brian.

Mel: With no heart? There are no more qualities a person can have is a kind and loving nature.

Lindsay: I agree. It's defnately we intend to give it to Gus.

Mel: And something our second child should have as well.

Michael: You having another kid?

Mel: Hmm-hmm.

Michael: Hey Gus, make another happy face - your having a baby brother or baby sister.

Mel: And this time I'm going to carry.

Michael: No sh*t? [looks to Gus] Sorry. That's great.

Lindsay: Which is why we ask you to stop by.

Michael: Why? You want me to baby sit? It's really early, isn't it?

Mel: We would like you to be the father.

[Michael freezes.]

Michael: Me?

Mel: Yeah.

[Michael and Ben discuss the prospect back at their apartment.]

Ben: I think it's great.

Michael: You do?

Ben: To be a father and get a child? Hoping Mel and Lindsay create a family.

Michael: But it's a big responsibility bringing a human being into the world. And I dunno if I'm be the old man.

[As Michael speeks an ampoule falls out of Ben's trousers. Quickly he get the dr*gs. Michael didn't notived this.]

Ben: You are more ready than you think. You want to shower?

Michael: It's exciting, isn't it? What if I'm f*ck it up?

Ben: How could you f*ck it up? All you have to do, Michael is, to suply sperm.

[They got in the shower and have hot sex.]

[At the loft, Brian taking a shower. John is taking the opportunity to snoop through Brian's p*rn videos and sex toys. He pockets the cowrie shell bracelet and takes the cash out of Brian's wallet. Brian catches him pocketing the cash.]

Brian: Put it back! Is said put it back in the f*cking wallet, now!

John: What for? You've got more money than you know what to do with!

Brian: Who told you that? Your mother?

John: She said you were a selfish son of a bitch who never gave anyone in the family a red cent!

Brian: Yeah, I wonder why? Now, hand over.

[He don't. He runs away. Brian catches him and grabs the money out of his pocket.]

John: You f*cking f*gg*t, you and your friends are goin' to hell.

Brian: Yeah? Who told you that? Granny?

John: You touched my d*ck!

Brian: You little sh*t!

John: Let me go, buttfucker! assh*le, let me go!

[Brian picks him up and carries him to the bathroom, where he ducks his head into the toilet and flushes a few times.]

Brian: That'll teach you to f*ck with faggots!

John: You gonna be sorry. You gonna be so sorry.

[Emmett and Ted don't waste any time. Emmett's moving in already. Michael, Ted, Emmett and Brian stand around watching the hunky moving guys.]

Michael: Where did you find the hunky moving man?

Ted: Under "Hunking moving man" in the gay yellow pages. They Liberty Avenue top movers.

Brian: That one is a bottom - trust me.

Michael: So talking wet dreams.

Brian: Don't you too turned on. Safe your cum to screw Melanie's twat.

Ted: Our little Mikey, seiring off-spring.

Emmett: That this mean you two are related?

Brian: Yeah, lesbian want to move.

Emmett: It's exciting to have a kid in the world.

Michael: Your nephew looks like you.

Brian: I can hold him back to rip me off.

Emmett: Um, they said moving out is such mature.

Brian: I give you two lovebirds 24 hours.

[Brian and one of the movers check each other out.]

Brian: Ups.

[At the diner, Debbie is broadcasting the good news.]

Debbie: Stuff tomato. I'm gonna be a grandma! [another desk] Pott-pie. I'm gonna be a grandma! [another desk] Cheese. I'm gonna be a grandma!

Michael: Would someone please make her stop?

Vic: Let her glow a little. She never in her wildest dreams though she gonna be a grandma.

Debbie: And here he is - big daddy!

Michael: Your a little pre-mature. Could you wait for at least conception?

Debbie: So when do you make your first deposit?

Michael: We haven't discussed it.

Debbie: Well those things don't happen by magic. They take planing and preparation. What kinda shorts you wearing?

Michael: It's none of your business!

Debbie: Make sure they not too tight. The tightens constrict your balls. They gonna heat up and all your little soldiers are destimated. And cut back on the sex - you got safe your sperm.

Ben: You know, I hit the gym. See you later.

Debbie: Bye honey.

Vic: Let me out, sis.

Debbie: Where you want?

Vic: To get Mikey my big shorts.

[Outside the diner. Ben heads out and Vic catches up with him.]

Vic: Ben. You mind if I walk with ya?

Ben: No.

Vic: Too much baby talk. I never wanted kids myself.

Ben: I did. Of course, that's not gonna happen now.

Vic: One of the ways we're not like them anymore

Ben: I try not to think about it. Some days I even succeed.

Vic: I know what you mean. But then something happens to remind me - a touch of the flu, someone donating sperm, a lover who dies.

Ben: Vic - I'll seeya later.

[Ben can't get away from Vic fast enough. ]

[Brian brings Hunky Moving Guy back to the loft - actually he doesn't wait till they get all the way to the loft; he fucks the guy in the elevator. The elevator door swings open and a cop is standing at Brian's door.]

Cop: Brian Kinney?

Man: Who's that?

Brian: Whop, you caught me. Where we meet? Uniform Night at Babylon?

Cop: I'm officier Handley, Pittsburgh Police.

Brian: Christ, your for real.

Cop: You need to come with me to the headquarter, Mr.Kinney.

[Melanie, Lindsay and Michael in a cocktail bar.]

Lindsay: You sure you wanna do this?

Michael: Ben and I were up to talking about it. I think he's almost excited about it as I am.

Melanie: And you understand what's required? And all you have to do is to sign this.

Michael: "The donor agrees... no parental rights..." What's all this?

Melanie: It's just a formalety.

Michael: Detection from what?

Melanie: As you can see, Section 2, paragraph 4, it releaves you for any financial responsibilies onces and forever.

Michael: Well that is a relieve not to see my kid.

Lindsay: You'll see the baby, Michael.

Michael: Sure, you can explain her, when she's told enough, that I'm be the doner.

Melanie: That is what it's about.

Michael: I must heard you wrong, because I swear you said you wanted me to be the father.

Mel: After what happened with Brian not wanting to give up his parental rights, I'm sure you understand -

Michael: Yeah, and I'm beginning to understand how he must have felt! I sure as hell understand how a kid feels not having a dad because I didn't have one! When you have to do this then go ahead. You have to do what's right for you. So do I.

[he stands up and leaves.]
[Justin is at Debbie's and she's giving him her ugly household tchochkes.]

Debbie: Always finish your meals with a smile. And here [a t-shirt with jesus] Useful and decorative. I know he's jevish, so tell him to ignore Jesus on the cross. And this is my favourite [a porcelan cat] it's fixed all those years...it's remind whereever you are - I'm always there and looking out for ya.

Justin: Are you sure you don't want them?

Debbie: Well there are family areloons but you boys need things, so I'm passing it on you and Ethan for save keeping.

[Someone knocking at the door. Vic get it. It's Carl Horvath.]

Carl: Hi Vic.

Vic: Detective Horvath. Sis, your d*ck's here.

Debbie: Hey!

Carl: Hey honey.

Debbie: Hey your sweet meat.

Vic: Heterosexual - you see Justin there not that different from us.

Debbie: I though we want to meet tomorrow night.

Carl: We are, but there is something I though you should know. One for your lost boys are in trouble.

Debbie: Which one?

Carl: Kinney.

Justin: Brian? Something happened to Brian?

Carl: It seems that his twelve year old nephew is accused him of molesting him.

Debbie: Holy sh*t.

Justin: That's bullshit. There's NO WAY Brian would ever do anything like that.

Vic: Has he be arrested?

Carl: So far they just questing him.

Debbie: Brian maybe do a lot of things and I'm the first one to say so, but he's no child molested.

[Hurricane Emmett is frying up a mess of Aunt Lulu's fried chicken for dinner. Ted comes home after a long, hard day to find the place turned upside down.]

Emmett: Welcome home, honey. How was work?

Ted: Uh, the usual. Orgy, g*ng-r*pe.

Emmett: You must be exausted.

Ted: Yeah, keep giving those website members high quality entertainment they deserve. What's all this?

Emmett: My Aunt Lulu's fried chicken.

Ted: I'll go and wash my hands.

Emmett: Oh by the way, I hang up a few things to dry.

Te: I see.

Emmett: Why you sit down and put your feed up, honey? I'll be ready in a minute.

Ted: What happen to the living room?

Emmet: Oh, I re-decorated. Do you like it?

Ted: It really give the room a flow. Um, my nail.

Emmett: What's it, Teddy?

Ted: Um, there was a nail there.

Emmett: What? That rusty old thing?

Ted: Yeah, where is it?

Emmett: While I re-decorated it falls down the floor. You know how danger it is if you barefeet?

Ted: What did you do with it?

Emmett: Drew it out. It's just an old nail.

Ted: It's not just an old nail. It's Pavarotti's nail. On every performance he a bent nail from the backstage for good luck. Everybody knows that. For the night he is in town for Pittsburgh opera he found that nail, picked it up, kissed it, threw over the shoulder and I picked it up. It's my good luck charm since ever. Now it's just gone?

Emmett: I didn't know.

[He turns out the music.]

Emmett: I'm sorry.

Ted: You had no right touching it. You had no right to touch anything. I would appreciated if you put everthing back the way you found it and that includes removing your dripping shorts from my bathroom!

Emmett: Your bathroom? I'm sorry, I thought it was our bathroom. I though this was our place - apparently not! Well, like you said we're find out sooner or later if we can live together - better we found out sooner.

[With that he leaves.]

[Michael and Brian are leaving the police station.]

Michael: He told them, you made him suck your cock?!

Brian: That's what he told my c**t sister. That what's my c**t sister told the cop.

Michael: And I'll give that assh*le free comics! They don't believe him, do they?

Brian: Listen up, Michael - are you listening?

Michael: I'm listening.

Brian: They're heterosexuals. They believe all perverts want one thing to get our hands on some sweet piece of little boy-meat.

Michael: So all he has to do is to accused you and they automatically believe him?

Brian: For now I use the money I'm spare with my Botox trip for some g*dd*mn 300-an-hour-lawyer.

Michael: They aren't gonna arested you, are they?

Brian: How do I know?

Michael: sh*t, you gonna be go to prison!

Brian: Don't worked up.

Michael: They can't come to take you away.

Brian: I don't attend to.

[Brian heads right over to Claire's house and practically bangs the door down.]

Brian: Open the door.

Claire: Go away, or I call the police, your son-of-a-bitch!

Brian: Listen, open that f*cking door! Where is he?

Claire: Get out here, Brian!

Brian: John! Get your ass down here, you little f*ck!

Claire: You think I gonna let you near him, your sick pervert?

Brian: You think I actually molested your son? Maybe you would ask me BEFORE you called the cop.

Claire: Why should I and why would you make it up?

Brian: Because your kid is a twisted f*g hating liar, Claire. That's why. Where'd he learn that from? Oh, and the mom stage left.

Joanie: You have a hell of a nerve showing your face here.

Brian: Nice to see you, too. What? Don't I get a kiss?

Joanie: Stay away from me.

Brian: Don't worry, you're not my type.

Claire: God knows what permanently damage you've done to him?

Joanie: You ought to be locked up. Put away?

[Brian bump against her Whisky glass.]

Brian: Thanks old sport, have another.

Claire: If I had anything to say, you will be...?

Joanie: How could you?

Brian: How could I what? Let little Johnny suck my d*ck? I'M GONNA FIND YOU, YOU SACK OF sh*t AND THIS TIME YOU WON'T COMING UP!

Claire: You hear that mother - he just threatened him. We're calling the police.

Brian: Go ahead, sis. Tell him I'm a great monster and godless f*g, right mom?

Joanie: You think you gaining a reaction from me? You're not. However I will say knowing the kind of life you live, the type of people you associate with, I'm not surprised. It's what happens when you turn your back on the Lord.

Brian: f*ck the lord and f*ck you!

[He leaves.]

[Michael's back in his flat.]

Michael: I told my mom not to get her hopes up and she go and tell everybody... I know how disappointed she is and mope for days.

Ben: You know her.

Michael: Yeah.

Ben: If it's any consolation I'm disappointed too. I was looking for to be Uncle Ben.

Michael: I loke the rise.

Ben: It's the closest to be a dad.

Michael: I didn't know you want to be one.

Ben: It was always I though...

[Somebody is trying to get in the apartment.]

Michael: sh*t, there is anybody in the apartment. [They look in the living room.] Jesus Em, what's goin' on?! What your doin' back?

Emmett: Brian was right. It's a good thing I saved the boxes.

[Babylon. Ted stands alone at the stair. Brian appears.]

Brian: Hey, where is your wife?

Ted: Congratulations. I hope you're happy.

Brian: What I feel is a over-whelming disgusted seeing two pathetic fags trying to turn themselves into something even more pathetic - two happily married heterosexuals.

Ted: This has nothing to do with that! It's got to do with what us lower life forms generally refer to as love. Because you can't comperehent with that it doesn't mean that we condemt to live our lifes so.

Brian: Wow, that was very politic for a former accoundant. I'm sure we find a dream that satisfice your existence. But until then why you have a trick?

Ted: f*ck you off!

Brian: [look at a boy] What a good idea!

[He goes in the backroom.]

Brian: [on the second though] Your too young for me.

Boy: That's not what I've heard.

[Justin tracks down John at the video arcade.]

John: Yeah m*therf*cker, die!

Justin: How was choir practise?

John: Who are you?

Justin: A friend of your Uncle's.

John: Another f*g. Get away from me. Or I call the police.

Justin: What you gonna tell him? That I made you suck me off too?

John: What do you want?

Justin: I want the truth.

John: I already told the truth. He offered me money, but I didn't do it. Do you offered you money, too?

Justin: He didn't have to. I would have paid him! If you don't admit that your lying you made all of this up Brian could have jailed.

John: Good, I hope he god r*pe by black guys.

Justin: Your mother must be so proud of you.

John: What the f*ck are you doin'? Get your hands off me!

Justin: It's a cool bracelett.

[With that he leaves. He has all the proof he needs.]

[Mel and Lindz goin' down the street.]

Lindsay: Maybe the terms of the agreement were a bit harsh.

Mel: I was always trying to protect us.

Lindsay: But Michael's don't Brian. That's why we choose him in a first place.

Mel: I've said we got Genius from the sperm bank. It got's easier.

Lindsay: Are you kidding? Say the dad is just a number?

Mel: I not had repeat what we goin' through with Brian.

Lindsay: I just said Michael's not Brian! Aren't you listening to me?

Mel: Baby, the entire street listening to you.

Lindsay: It's not about Michael or who the father will be. It's about trust. Trusting to faith. Trusting to god. That something will be allright. If we accept that maybe we have a baby? Maybe we should stop right now.

[John comes home to find Horvath, Justin and Debbie waiting for him.]

John: What's up?

Debbie: How about you telling us?

Carl: Let me handle this, Debbie. Detective Carl Horvath, Pittsburgh PD. Understand you have some aleligation recenly regarding your Uncle, Brian Kinney.

John: He made me do things to.

Carl: It's a pretty serious charge, if it's true.

John: I'm not lying.

Carl: He said you made it up because he found you stealing money from his wallet.

John: He's a liar.

Carl: You also took a bracelet with shells.

John: I don't have any stupid bracelet.

Justin: I've saw you wearing it today in the Arcade.

John: Why should anyone believe you?

Claire: John, is that the bracelet you had on this morning at breakfast?

John: [whispers] Mom, would you shut up?

Claire: You've said you got it in the mall.

John: I brough it in my allowence at the store accross the pet shop.

Carl: See the bracelett, son.

John: I don't have it - it lost.

Claire: Show it to him!

[he gives it to Det.Horvath.]

Justin: Brian got it in Mexico. His initials are carves on one of the shells.

Claire: I want the truth, John! You tell me the truth! Do Brian really do what you said he did?

John: He is a f*g. Like you've said, just a g*dd*mn f*g.

Debbie: Shame on you.

[John runs away.]

Debbie: [to Claire] But most of all, shame on you!

[Carl give the bracelett to Justin. They all leave.]

[At the comic book store.]

Michael: [to a customer] And here is Hulk from 1988 - it's a really cool episode with Volvoen.

[The boy reads some other comic. Mel and Lindsay are coming in.]

Lindsay: We hope we're coming in bad time.

Michael: Nah, I just advising a collector. It's actually one of my best costumers.

Mel: We won't stay too long. Michael, about our agreement...

Michael: Look, I already told you...

Lindsay: We know. That's why we decided to amend some of the points.

[Melanie tears up the agreement.]

Mel: We decided to fulfill your function - you are here the baby as the father.

Lindsay: So, what do you say, dad?

[They hug each other.]

[In Woody's. Emmett are at the bar. Ted appears.]

Ted: Might if I had a drink?

Emmett: We're at Woody's, not at Emmett's.

Ted: Great jin-tonic. Em...

Emmett: Save your breath. It's quite obvious we're not living together.

Ted: Look, I'm sorry that I'm got upset.

Emmett: Upset? Tried molested.

Ted: I just kind of finicky.

Emmett: Finicky is when you turned your nose in the bisquits. It's your place. In the future, don't ask someone to move in.

Ted: After you left I walked up and down the Liberty Avenue and see in the diner the last weeks Pittsburg Outs. Have you seen it?

Emmett: Is the headline "Twinkie boyfriend goes beserk"?

Ted: Actually there is a interesting letter. Dear abs.

Emmett: Don't tell me you read that silly queen.

Ted: Go on.

Emmett: "Dear Abs, my boyfriend just moved in with me and he's taking over. He even moved the lube with the right side of the bed. Help. Out of lost." So?

Ted: Now his answer.

Emmett: "Dear adder, get a new place that both of yours unless you want to jerk-off alone."

Ted: It must be a reason I read that ad this morning. I don't want loose you, Em, but there is no way we gonna live together in my place.

Emmett: Yesterdays news.

Ted: So I suggest we take "Dear Abs" advice and get our place. A place to both of ours. In fact I was thinking of a house.

Emmett: A house?

Ted: With the backyard, rooms for you to decorate. It's the best suggest one make me. so, what do you say?

Emmett: I say those are the most romantic words that I've ever heard.

[In the house with Michael.]

Ben: You counting your family days until Christmas?

Michael: That's Melanie's fertility cycle.

Ben: And what a perfect spot for - right beside our bed.

Michael: It's to remind me when we can do it and when we can't. Now when I'm gonna be a father I had a extra special responsibility. Tonight it looks good... You up for it?

Ben: Yeah, as soon as I back from the gym.

Michael: Wait, you goin' in the gym again? But don't be late.

Ben: And miss my one week oportunity?

[We see Ben in the bathroom injecting steroids.]

[In front of Brian's loft. Justin returns Brian's bracelet.]

Justin: I believe this belongs to you.

Brian: Thanks.

Justin: Anytime. Here.

[He fastens it around Brian's wrist.]

Brian: Shouldn't you be getting back to your boyfriend?

Justin: Yeah.

[They gaze into each other's eyes for a long, delicious moment. Then Justin walks away, leaving Brian leaning pensively in the doorway for a few minutes before he turns away and walks back into the loft, leaving the door wide open.]

Music: The Sound of v*olence -

from Cassius

END OF EPISODE
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