Transcripts - Forever Dreaming

The steak was dry, but
that bellboy was looking moist.

Yeah, I never knew
12-packs were a real thing.

Ay, Chihuahua.

Wow, we really needed
this vacay, huh?

Ah, yeah, I just still feel
really bad about our fight.

Hey, what did we say?
Not going to talk about it.

Ah, Feinberg women
forgive and forget.

Definitely the forget part.

Oh, f*ck!

Tsunami!

We got to move!

Hold on, Chrissy.

Chrissy, no!
You did this.

What?
This is your fault, Mom.

Chrissy, no.

I knew you would turn on me

and leave me drowning
in a tsunami.

No!

Daddy to the rescue!

Chrissy!
Thanks, Dad. You're the best.

Mom, you suck!

Chrissy!

Chrissy. Chrissy.

No!

Ah!

Subconscious, you little b*tch.

I'm getting Chrissy back.

Laur? What the--
Oh, no.

Did the carbon monoxide
detector go off?

Been meaning to take the
batteries out of that thing.

Uh, I made a huge mistake.
Chrissy can't stay with Satan.

There a chicken farm
around here?

Uh-uh. Laura, you cannot
go get Chrissy.

24 hours ago, you tried
to m*rder each other.

Okay, okay.
Then I'll just call her.

No! I gave you
the keys to my beach house

so you could have some peace--

lay on the beach,
sun your taint, you know?

Get your ass up to the sun.

There's no better feeling
in the whole world.

Chrissy said she needed space.

And you need a break
more than anyone.

And if you don't respect
her boundaries just this once,

you could lose her forever.

Ah, f*ck. Fine.

Walk your sand in the--in--

walk your feet in the sand.

See how many footprints
are left or whatever.

What the f*ck was that?

There, now I can't text
or call Chrissy for 24 hours.

And if I try,
my heart explodes,

and my soul gets trapped
in this spider forever.

If you became
a little spider gal,

I'd treat you just the same.

Have you met my cousins yet?
They're a hoot and a half.

Uh, yep.
Apples don't fall far

from the Darlene family tree,
that's for sure.

One time
at Patty's Shrimp Hut,

we got so wasted off their
cocktail-sauce martinis,

we set the place ablaze
just to see the hot firemen.

What is that?

Anyway, see ya!

Hey, there, neighbor!
Ah, shit!

What are you doing
out here so early, Dorlene?

It's the only time
I could get my jog in

without these seagulls
picking at my eczema.

Listen, I heard all about your
mother-daughter blowout,

BT-dubs--yikes.

Yeah, yikes.

I had a daughter once,
so I totally get it.

Anyhoo, got to rake
in those steps.

Oh, oh, and if you're game,

we do a bonfire every Friday
night on the beach.

Bonfire Balaban we call it,
after Bob Balaban.

Love Little Man Tate.

Ha ha. Okay, great.

I'd rather hang myself
by my labia.

Sounds good.

Woo-hoo-hoo!

Holy shit!

I am Khaleesi!

Ha ha!

Look at me now, Mom!
I'm on a mother-jumping dragon!

Oh, sorry, Frances--

cockatrice.

I'm on a mother-jumping
cockatrice!

Whoo!

Cockatrice, ya bish!

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Little better
than a pony ride.

g*dd*mn that was awesome,
Daddy-o.

Hey, Snakey,
mix me up something sweet.

Surprise me, honey.

Copo Copo Canyon's
got cameras set up

like an amusement park.

I saved a couple of my faves.
Check them out.

Freedom looks good
on you, girl.

Ah, never felt so alive--

no dishes to deal with,

no dictator breathing
down my neck.

It's all chill here.
Do whatevs you want.

Sweet. I'm going to take
a nap on a pile of slugs.

Take a lame-ass nap?

Come on, you spent your whole
life on Earth with Pussolini.

Get back out there.

Meet some creatures
your own age.

You got the whole M realm
at your fingy-tips.

Blammo.

This is iSatan.

In case you get lost, some
losers try to mess with you,

you fall in a toilet,
just push, and, poof,

I, Satan, will appear.
Whoa.

And I can go anywhere?
Anywhere.

Nothing's off-limits?
Not a thing.

Not even
GunsandMethlandia Plaza?

I wouldn't start with that
one, but the sky's the limit.

Now get out of here.

Come on, Frances,
little girl.

Ya!

Catch ya later, Pop!

Damn, I just got
a major FOMO attack.

Snakey, grab that box of dr*gs
I found on the corpse

of that goblin DJ.

Let's get queasy.

Oh, come on.

Tessa doesn't belong
on reality TV.

Are we really
doing this, Laura?

Okay.

Well, I think Rita is using
Kenneth for his heliport

because he's been sleeping
with Tessa since season five.

Two episodes ago,
her son got divorced.

She doesn't care
about no heliport right now.

Oh, my God, you made it.
Grab a chair.

Oh, this is Laura,
Darlene's friend.

This is Durlawn,
Dirlane, and Dave.

Hey.
Welcome, hon.

We're talking about
Shit Wives of Myrtle Beach.

That reality show?

Didn't that get banned

for the insane amount
of drunk driving?

That and incest,
and only in a few states.

Laura's here
for a little R&R.

Ah, you know who else
apparently needed some R&R?

Heather Dombaco.

She lost her shit
when she found out her husband

was getting his butt
fingered at the gym,

and no one's seen her since.

Wow, Shit Wives
of Myrtle Beach gets wild.

That wasn't on Shit Wives.

Heather's from around here.

She went missing
a couple of weeks ago.

Some think she went
on a bender.

But if you ask me...

I know it was the sea hag.

Jesus Christ.
It was only a matter of time.

Here she goes again
with the g*dd*mn sea hag.

Sea hag--
is that what you call

some old lady on the beach
who stole your husband?

Oh, no.
Ethel and I are friends now.

Sea hag's a true beast
from the sea.

She roams the beach
searching for bodies to devour.

The sadder they are,
the more likely to be eaten.

She feeds on loneliness
and human flesh--

a horrid, repulsive creature.

Fishermen have gone
missing, pets, children.

I've been hunting her
for years,

but she always escapes me.

One day, just wait.

One day, just you wait.

Wait day one.
Just wait one day, one--

Durlawn's been using
sea hag as an excuse

for why no one wants to stay at
her inn for the past 20 years.

That's true.
Shut the f*ck up, will you?

Hey, hey, hey.

Well, actually, I did see
something feeding

out on the jetty today,

but it was probably a seal
or something.

I told you she's back.

The f*cking sea hag's back.

Give me the spear g*n, honey.

Who saw that coming?
A mess.

Well, I'm gonna
go get incredibly high

and take a stroll--
good luck with all that.

Good night now.
Watch out out there!

Sea hag's gonna eat you.
She eats babies, I tell ya!

Are you--That f*cking
assh*le is letting her--

Oh, God, and he ruined my high.

f*ck it.
I'm reversing this spell.

Whew, let's take
a quick break here.

You need a number one,
number two?

It all comes out of one place
for birds, right?

That's cray.

Damn, girl, I am lost.

You lost?

Uh...
Me? No.

Exactly where
I'm supposed to be.

Just taking a breather.
Been going hard all day.

You know how us rebel teens
are, you know.

You're cute.

Uh, do you know
anything fun to do?

I mean, anything
else in the metaphysical realm?

Raponga, it's
the hottest club in the Fringe.

Me and the Moth Boys
are headed there now.

Whoa, cool. Uh, yeah, I mean,
maybe I'll check it out

if I'm not too, uh, busy.

You dig, cowgirl?

You're nailing this, Chrissy.

Whoa.

Whoa, lighty.

Thanks, bro.

Classic us, right?

See you there, maybe.

Uh, yeah, yeah, maybe.

Maybe not.
Maybe, maybe. Ha ha!

Raponga, here we come.

Come on, strike me!

Strike me!

I said strike--

W-what is that?

Get away from me.
Calm down.

If you try to eat me,
I swear to God I will f*cking--

Calm down.
Ah! Ow.

It burns for a second.
Ah!

You're lucky you're not dead.

Yeah, why am I not dead?
Why didn't you eat me?

I'm talking about you hitting
your head and drowning, moron,

plus whining at the sky...

"Oh, strike me.

Strike me, please,
daddy lightning."

You mean you saw me command
the f*ck out of lightning,

you baby-eating b*tch.

I ate one baby
one time on a dare.

And I was f*cking with you.
Jesus.

You put up
a good fight, though.

That was kind of cool.

I'm sure you say that

to all the humans
you're gonna swallow.

Keep talking shit,
and I just might.

You dropped this.

Daughter?
Niece?

No.
Student?

No, and none
of your g*dd*mn business.

If you say lover,
I will eat you.

Why don't you f*ck
back off to the ocean

where you belong, please?

Oh, I'm going
but mainly because of them.

There she is.
Holy shit!

Durlawn was right!
My worldview has crumbled.

Hey.
What?

You want to come?

Why the f*ck
would I go with you?

Well, from where
I'm standing,

you seem f*cking miserable
on land.

Careful, she eats babies.

Up to you,
but I'm leaving either way.

f*ck it.
I got 24 hours, and that's it.

You're making me a fish?

What's next? I feed you
a hard-boiled egg or something?

I gave you the ability
to speak underwater,

and I could take it right back.

Where are we going?
Deeper.

Much deeper.

Who the f*ck
are these sea dogs?

Vodyanorwens,
pirates of the abyss.

Ooh, scary.

You thinking
what I'm thinking?

Only if you, too,
are a complete psychopath.

Hey, pissy b*tch!

Hey, why don't you pick
on some titties

your own size, huh?

Want me to squeeze
those things?

Let's motorboat.

Yeah, yeah,
get in there, huh?

Thank you.
Wow.

Still hot and unfiltered.

Hey, that's the name
of my stand-up special.

Oh. Ugh.
Come on.

Do you know
if they have a cover?

Be a good girl.
I love you.

Oh, you got to try
the wings here.

They're wonderful.

Sorry, little girls
ain't allowed.

Oh, snap, I underestimated
you due to your stature

and probably gender.

I've done this to my daughter.

She brought it to my
attention multiple times.

I'm trying.
Come right in.

Making so many
bad decisions tonight.

Hey, pour it down me gope hole.

Pour it down me gope hole.
Hey, no offense,

but I want to eat
your testicles--is that cool?

Wow, what is this place?

Your best worst nightmare.

Hey, would
you like a Brain Bleed?

It's actually just elf tongue,
oat milk, and gasoline.

It's super tasty.

You're good?

All right,
have a good one, then.

I've got f*cking cum
coming out of my ear holes.

Care to dance?

Ah, I think we're just
dancing as a group,

like a group thing, you know?

Oh, a group thing.
Yes, of course.

I'll be on my way.

Ah!

Looking for something?

Oh, hi.

Uh, I thought this
was, uh, the bathroom.

But, uh, there was, like, uh,
this girl I met--

red hair, fairy-like, and--

You mean Red?

Oh, yeah,
that would make sense.

She's in here.
Come inside.

Sounds like an ASMR video
in here.

Hungry?

Then I handed him
the gas nozzle,

and I said,
"Well, if you're not pushing,

start sucking, buddy."

I mean, it was--

Cheers.
Cheers.

You okay?

Um...
Yeah.

Yeah, I honestly haven't
felt this alive in--

I don't even know how long.

Then what's up?

Ah, that picture you asked me
about, my daughter, I--

I just really messed things up
with her and--

Ah, and now you don't deserve
any happiness, right?

It's just better to stick
with self-torment?

Look, from the time
she was born,

I've f*cked up over and over
and over again as her mom.

Maybe I just don't deserve
happiness.

That's how I felt
after my first litter hatched

a few thousand years ago.

I didn't know how
to raise jack shit.

While they were home alone,
I was out fooling around

with the Midgard Serpent
and the Wolf Fenrir.

Then they found out about each
other, and, boom, Ragnarok.

No way. Seriously?
Yeah.

Helen of Troy
does not have shit on me.

Oh.

Anyway,
I started feeling guilty

about my choices as a mom,
and that feeling spread,

and I began using that guilt
and that shame

as a compass through life.

And you know what that did?

It just made me
a worse f*cking mom.

I wish I'd been nicer
to myself,

given myself a break.

Give yourself a f*cking break.

Today was
the nicest thing

anyone's done for me
in a long time.

Yeah, it feels nice, huh,
being taken care of?

Take me.
Take me first.

Come on, serve me up
on a platter.

Now shut up.

Ow!

What the...
f*ck, dude?

What the f*ck?

I don't know about you boys,

but I still got room
for dessert.

My tum-tum's always
got room for dessert.

Ah!

Dad, where the f*ck are you?

Oh, my God.

I've tasted a lot of floors,

but this is the best
I've ever tasted.

Next drug!

Run.

Go.

Go.

Ugh, my balls.
My mothballs!

Get her!

Please help. I--

I'll have what she's having.

Uh, excuse me.
I need a drink.

Damn it. Only because it's
my last resort.

Mom, come on, pick up.

Are you sh1tting me?
Hurry!

Get that demon shit.
Okay, bye-bye.

Have fun, kids. Don't get
into too much trouble.

Oof.
Damn.

Thought for a sec I was going
to lose my larynx back there.

Oh, mermaid, huh?

Yeah.

No judgment.

Oh, okay.

I thought it was
hilarious at the time.

Yeah, I bet.

Look, I got to--
I got to go.

Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.

I'll, uh--I'll take you.

I f*cking missed her call.

Shit.
f*ck.

I can't believe I did that.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Where is that g*dd*mn spider?
One sec. Stop.

Do you see a spider?
Stop for one second.

What?
Hear me out.

Don't go.
What?

No.
What if she's in trouble?

What if you need to put
your guilt aside just once?

Ask yourself why this

is the best you've felt
in a long time.

Look, you may live
in a fantasy world

where you get
to consume sea pirates

and drop squid ink all day,

but I have responsibilities
that I can't walk away from.

I'm not saying forever.

I have to do what's best
for my daughter.

Why don't you go find
your f*cking litter and--

Yeah, maybe this is what's
best for her. What about--

No, this is selfish,
and so are you.

I'm actually more mammal
than a crus--

Oh, honestly,
thought you said "shellfish."

It's kind of funny.

So, uh, this is it I guess.

Yes.

Yum, yum.

Leave me alone.
Okay.

Yeah, let's stop, guys.

Just f*cking kidding.
That was sarcasm.

You're not cut out
for this world, sweetie.

So we're going to take you
out of it.

I'm going to eat you
like a cashmere sweater.

I'm going to scarf you down
like you're a f*cking scarf.

Oh, yeah, she's...

Oh.
Lighty.

Whoa.

Elf tongue,
oat milk, and gasoline.

It's super tasty.

You m*therf*ckers!

Whoosh!
Oh, oh!

Oh, God, he's on fire!

I'll take care of it myself!

We got her!
We got the sea hag!

Let me go, you ugly yokels!

f*cking stupid
f*cking cousins.

Hold still, hag.
Ooh-hoo!

Does she smell.
Just hold still.

We caught her.
We finally caught her.

Let her go, guys.

I think maybe you need to put
down that w*apon, hon.

You don't want to k*ll her.

Sure, some of the rumors
about her are true,

but the real issue is
you're scared she may be right

about what you need
for yourself.

And that's why this decision
is one of the hardest

you've ever had to make.

She lost it.
I think she has a point.

Almost sounds more
about her than us.

Tough tits, gal.
We're doing this for Heather.

It's what Tessa did in
the third episode last season

for Jeanette--
Ugh, more Shit Wives stuff?

Come on.

That's not why Tessa
shot Jeanette's husband.

She did it
because he bankrolled

his ex-wife for her
new Gemini beauty line.

You watch
Shit Wives of Myrtle Beach?

Watch it? Hell, I swim down
there and have dinner

with them every other month.

And if you want the goss--

Ooh, dish, baby.

What's Jessica Junior like?

Ugh, the literal worst,
and I dated a basilisk.

Bye, fish lady.

Yeah, next Sunday it is,
and I'll bring the net.

I don't trust you anymore.

Wow, it's good
to see you making friends.

I think it'll take a while

to, like, let them know
I did eat Heather.

I thought you didn't
want to see me again.

I couldn't let
you get captured.

I don't want to say we'll
never see each other again.

Hey, give me your arm.

If you decide to leave
your life behind

or you want to see me,

you can press this tattoo
and call my name five times.

Huh, kind of like Candyman.

Just like Candyman.

Ah, what? What?

Don't strong-arm me, Snakey.

Chrissy, you're back.

How'd it go out there?

Have a little Rumspringa?

I called you,
and you didn't come.

That's what happened.
Oh, shit.

Sorry, hon.

Snake started pushing
his drug stash on everyone

like some kind of methed-out
ice cream man.

I think he's got
a genuine problem.

I really needed you,
and you didn't show.

You and mom both f*cking suck.

Oh, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.

Where are you going?
To Bennigan's.

I know he hates me right now,

but he may at least
mildly give a shit about me.

Don't follow me.
No, I-I-I--

Aw, shit.
Aw, shit.

Aw, shit. Aw, shit!

This is all your fault.

What are you, my sponsor?

Oh, yeah.
Okay.

Thank you.

Laur, you made it
back in one piece, huh?

A little R&R didn't k*ll you.
Almost.

But, yeah, you were right.
I-I needed that.

Thanks for letting me stay.

Sure did make a big splash
with my cousins.

Now they're going to make
sea hag T-shirts,

sea hag bags,
sea hag necklaces.

And they're opening up a gift
shop to sell novelty items.

It's all about
perspective, right?

I guess.
What are you doing here anyway?

I thought you'd be going
to find Chrissy by now.

Yeah, you know,
I-I just figure,

when Chrissy's ready,
she'll come home.

Right?

As soon as I rebuild it.
Mm-hmm.

If you need a good contractor,
Dorlene is excellent.

She charges way too much,

but give her a bag of Bugles,
she'll take 10% off the top.

Yeah, she'll come around
when she's ready.

Huh.
They know I'm coming.

Hello?

Anybody home?

Bennigan, oh, my God.
What--

We meet again.

What?
Who the hell are you?

Who the hell am I?
Uh, your archnemesis.

Archnemesis?
I don't even know you.

You don't even--
f*ck.

Did you do this because of me?
Yes!

Are you f*cking kidding me?
It never stops.

It does now.