03x01 - Dubya, Dad and Dating: Part 1

Episode transcripts for the TV show "George Lopez". Aired: March 27, 2002 - May 8, 2007.*
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Assembly-line worker and family man George is promoted to manage an airplane parts factory in L.A.
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03x01 - Dubya, Dad and Dating: Part 1

Post by bunniefuu »

You are.

You´re the most powerful
man in the world,

And I have been naughty.

But i´m in the middle
of something, okay?

Angie, i´m talking
about the president

Of the united states --

George w. Bush is giving
a speech at the factory.

I´m meeting
the president, angie!

Oh, my god.

Why is he coming
to powers aviation?

He´s campaigning
for more defense spending.

And half the factory´s
latino.

We´re desirable now.

Mom, one day we´ll put
a latino in the white house.

It´ll still be white
but with, like, blue trim.

Little ceramic ducks
in the front yard.

Yeah, and every morning,
the president will drop by

The paint store and pick up
his secretary of state...

Chato.

This is so exciting.
I can´t wait!

I´m going to meet the president
of the united states.

No, no, no, this is
just for us workers.

There´s some bad news, too.

Since i´ll be on camera
behind the president,

The powers brothers want me
to look more respectable.

They´re making me
cut my hair.

Oh, no.

What am I going
to hold onto?

Not my lunch.

For 15 years, I had
to keep my hair short

So my head wouldn´t get sucked
in the punch press.

But i´m a manager now,
and this hair says

That I play
by my own rules.

I might play guitar.
You don´t know me.

Honey, that´s okay.

´Cause you know what´s sexier
than a guy with long hair?

A guy with short hair who
is going to meet the president.

You´re talking
about me, right?

Hey. As long as you´re
getting things cut,

Why don´t you do something
about that skid mark

On your chin?

I´ll shave mine
when you shave yours.

I better go make an appointment
with my man lionel.

Oh, hey, hey, don´t call his
barbershop. It´s closed down.

He´s cutting hair over
at my beauty salon now.

Oh, great. Now I gotta sit
around la casa de coiffures

And listen to old bats
talking about how

"Erik estrada --
he still looks good."

Hey, what does
this junk do?

That hides blemishes.

You got anything
that will hide 30 years

Of smoke
and tequila back splash?

The la marie paper bag?

Come on,
I need some new makeup.

You know,
the president´s coming...

You don´t care
about the president.

Oh, my god.

You´ve got a man!

Shut up.

Come on.

Spill it.

Who is he,
and where´d you meet him?

Come on, tell me.

All right,
his name is randy.

He works the forklift
at the factory.

Is it serious?

Would I be asking you about
this whore paint if it wasn´t?

Benny, I am so happy
for you.

I think it´s great
when two people your age --

My age?

I don´t think so.

Randy is 42.

I don´t want some old guy

Where foreplay is somebody
yelling out "clear!"

Ahem. Do I look good
or what?

You look like the pit boss
at an indian casino.

Kids, get out here!

Where did you get
an american flag tie?

I borrowed it from one
of my buddies at work.

He´s a sikh.
He keeps it in the locker

In case
there´s a t*rror1st att*ck.

What´s going on, dad?

Just thought you kids
might want to see

What your father´s going
to look like

When he meets the president
of the united states.

What?

That´s right.

George w. Bush is coming
to speak at the factory,

And i´ll be standing
right next to him

Representing! Y todo.
I´m going to be like this.

I can´t believe you´re excited
about meeting the president.

You didn´t even vote
for him.

Hey, hey,
young lady.

I didn´t vote
for anybody.

Then why do you care
about meeting him?

Do you even know
where I come from?

Carmen, I used to swim
in my underwear

Because I couldn´t afford
a swimsuit.

And now i´m going to meet
the leader of the free world.

That means a lot to me.

Dad, you still swim
in your underwear.

Well, that´s my choice now.

I wouldn´t want
to meet a president

Who´s wasting money
on bombs and tanks

When there are hungry,
sick people out there.

Hey, that wasted money
is spent on planes

That I make
and that puts food

On this table.

How can you sleep at night
knowing you helped b*mb babies?

Carmen, carmen, we don´t
make the bombs.

We make the landing gear

So the planes can come back
and reload.

Read the shirt, dad.

What?

"Smart bombs are dumb."

Wow.

I didn´t realize how powerful
a rhinestone t-shirt could be.

You don´t know what
you´re talking about, carmen,

And you don´t get what
a great country this is.

Where else can
a second-generation

Mexican-american factory worker
who can´t name his congressman

And who ignores
all his jury summons

Meet the president
of the united states?

You know what, angie?
Next time you buy stamps,

Forget about lucy and desi,
get the ones with the flags.

I´m ready!

Carmen, you don´t know
how good you have it here.

My uncles are in jail
in cuba

Because they dared
to express their opinions.

That´s not why
they´re in jail.

I´m making a point.

Okay, well,

Since I can express myself,
i´m going down to the factory

And protest
the president´s speech.

Oh, you do,
and i´ll k*ll you.

George.

No, i´m serious.
I´ll k*ll you.

You better not show up
at the factory, carmen.

So, what, i´m like
a political prisoner now?

This is america, okay? People
fought and d*ed for that right.

I thought you just said
w*r was wrong.

Hi, benny.

Sylvia.

Oh, my god,
is that georgie?

What´s it been,
25 years?

What´s up, sylvia?

Last time I saw you,
you were crying.

Every time I saw you,
you were crying.

Because every time you saw me,
she was my mom.

Come here,
let me look at you.

She´s calling you.
I´m not going
over there.

Go over there.
That´s your friend.
She ain´t my friend.

Look at you.
You´re all grown up now.

I heard you tracked down
that deadbeat dad of yours

And decked him.

Dropped him
with one punch.

But that´s not something
i´m proud of.

I just, you know...

Handled my business.

Good for you.

You still wet the bed?

You told her?

I tell everybody. That´s
how I break the ice.

George, what´s up, brother?

What´s happening, lionel?

All right.

Hey, man, what happened
to your shop?

Hey, this is great.
Besides, the price was right,

And I get a chance
to hang out with all the...

Bonita señoritas.

And I get a little taste
of that every now and then.

What else are we doing
today, benny?

Just a manicure
and a reading.

Do you have a question
for the tarot?

I want to know
if it´s going to work out

Between me and randy.

I see obstacles.

The fool card
in the past position.

That´s george.

He´s always jealous
of the guys

I´ve dated.

If I didn´t slip him
a little bourbon

In his sippy cup
now and then,

I never would´ve gone out.

Does he like the guy?

He doesn´t know.

You´ve got
to tell george.

Yeah, what if I don´t?

It´s the death card,
benny.

If you don´t tell him,

Your relationship
will die.

Oh, wait, how do I know
these voodoo cards

Are talking about me?

The empress.

The nurturing mother.

Oh, my god, that´s me!

Hey, george,

I´m thinking about dating
again, so get used to it.

What? Who told you that --
sylvia?

George, i´m not kidding.
I´ve been alone too long.

Mom, where are you going
to find a guy?

Oh, I don´t know. Come on,
there´s about 50 guys

To pick from at the plant.

George, don´t be surprised

If someday I come back
from break

With a smile on my face
and my dress on backwards.

No, no.

No guys from the factory.

I don´t want this
affecting your work.

Besides,
you´re five years away

From wearing your dress
backwards anyways.

So,
what are we doing?

Oh, well, start cutting.
I´ll say when.

Oh, no, i´m not cutting
that beautiful mane.

Man, you have to.

My bosses want me to look
more respectable.

Hey, lionel,
i´m meeting president bush.

All right.

But i´m not doing it
for the president.

I´m doing it
for condoleezza.

´Cause i´d like to get
a little taste of that.

And thanks to the people
of powers aviation --

People like george lopez

And bill johnson

And latonya harris.

Our nation is more secure
and our world more peaceful.

I thought I said
get a haircut.

I did.

It looks the same.

I can´t go any shorter.

This is the volume I want
and the control that I need.

Shh!

Hey, it wasn´t me.

The president
just shushed me.

Shh.

I wish I had a sippy cup
of bourbon right now.

You know, we don´t have
to listen to this.

I´ve got the key
to the storage closet.

Get off me! I don´t want
george to see us.

Benny, i´ve known george
for a long time.

You know, I feel like
i´m lying to him.

No. You´re not lying to him.
I´m lying to him.

He´s used to that.

Benny, I can´t even
decorate my locker

With pictures of you
getting all soapy

Washing my truck,
´cause george might see it.

I want the guys
to know about this,

So they´ll stop saying
bad things about you

In front of me.

You´re so sweet.

I´ll tell him tomorrow.

I´d like to thank jack powers
for inviting me here today.

No more w*r!

No more w*r!

Not in my name,
mr. President!

Not in my name!
No more w*r!

Shame on you, mr. President!
Shame, shame, shame!

Shame on you!
Shame, shame!

Well, that´s the great
thing about this nation.

You don´t have
to agree with me.

God bless the folks
at powers aviation,

And god bless america.

Damn it, george, can´t
you control your daughter?

I told her
not to come down here.

The schools, democracy,
martin sheen --

It´s all working
against me.

Great speech,
mr. President.

I´m very sorry
about that outburst.

Well, thanks
for your support.

I´m sorry, too, mr. President.
That was my daughter.

But I guess you know
about crazy daughters.

Thanks for your support,
amigo.

Hey, i´m the guy
you shushed.

Well, okay, then,
thanks for your support.

Okay.

[ Applause ]

Let´s go. I hope my mom
held carmen

In the parking lot
for me.

Hey, whoa, george.
Check it out.

The president
left his speech.

He mentioned me. My name´s
in that speech.

Hey, you could give it back

To him and make up
for what carmen did.

Or I could punish the hell
out of carmen

And keep the speech
as a souvenir. Let´s do that.

No, you can´t do that. That´s,
like, government property.

They put that stuff in
the presidential library.

Presidential library?

Trust me, it´s no big deal.
Just be casual.

Pretend we´re having
a conversati-- ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha! What are we
going to talk about --

Like movies or sports? I´m not
good under pressure, george.

I can´t do this.
Don´t make me do this, george.

Forget it.
I got the speech.

Oh, okay. Ha ha.

We got a code 63
on potus´ speech.

It means we go after

Whoever stole
the president´s speech.

Come on, new guy.
Learn the codes!

Carmen!

Don´t hurt her.
I´m not having another one.

What the hell
were you thinking?

I thought I told you to stay
away from the factory.

I obeyed my conscience.
The only thing necessary

For the triumph of evil
is for good men to do nothing.

Do you have any idea
how annoying you are right now?

You know what?
You´re grounded.

For a month!

That´s not fair!

Mom, please,
you understand, right?

I mean, sometimes you have
to break the rules

To stand up
for what you believe in.

Carmen, we love that you are
thinking for yourself,

But there is a time
and a place for everything.

And that time and place
is not at my work.

You could´ve jeopardized
my job.

You know, maybe if you´d
actually listened

To the president´s speech,
you would´ve learned something

About honor and dignity
and how this country is strong

Because of the quiet decency
of working people.

And god bless the folks
at powers aviation

And god bless america!

Wow, you really paid attention
to his speech.

No, I stole it.

George,
you get a chance to meet

The president
of the united states

And you steal something
from him?

Ha ha ha.

My name´s in it.
You want to see?

Hell, yes.

So it´s not okay for you
to speak your mind

To the president, but it´s okay
for you to steal from him?

Here´s the difference.

He doesn´t know
I stole it.

[ Doorbell rings ]

Max, can you get the door?

I´m with the secret service.

Are your parents here?

I can´t let strangers
in the house.

Do you have i.d.?

Please get your parents.

Anyone can make
one of those.

My dad has one

That says
he´s a bikini inspector.

Get your parents.

Hey, dad!

The secret service
is here.

You see?
This is what happens

When you mess
with the president

Of the united states
of america.

George lopez.

Special agent saunders.

Listen, I know
what this is about,

And I want to apologize
for my daughter, okay?

She was way out of line,

And she´ll never
speak out like that again.

You can silence me,

But there are
more voices out there.

That´s right,
it only takes one snowflake

To start an avalanche.

Take her away!

Actually, i´m here about
the president´s speech.

It´s been stolen.

A speech, you say.

This is the first
i´ve heard of it.

Um, why don´t you kids
go upstairs, huh?

Upstairs, you say?

Well, it´s the first
i´ve heard of it.

Go.

Please.

Mr. Lopez, we figured since
you were the plant manager,

Maybe you heard somebody
talk about taking it.

Oh...

No.

Do you have any leads?

Well, after the speech,
one of our men

Thought he saw
a large mexican woman

Near the podium.

Excuse me, uh, officer,

What would happen
to the person who did this

If they were caught?

Well, that speech
is federal property.

Stealing it´s a felony.

Look,

If you hear of anything,
let me know.

No problem.

Hey, good luck
trying to find the speech.

I don´t need luck.

My sole mission
is to return

That speech
to the white house.

Evening.

What are you thinking?

Why didn´t you give him
the speech back?

Come on, angie,
you heard the man.

They got nothing!

Secret service.
[ Speaking spanish ]

In the last month,
i´ve punched out my dad...

I got the president´s
speech.

I think i´m finally
turning the corner here.

Shout!

So no one else knows
you stole it?

Nope. Just you guys
and ernie.

And every woman
ernie´s told.

"Hey, my best friend
stole the president´s speech.

"Would you go out with me?
Hee hee hee.

"Oh, okay,
sorry to bother you.

Hee hee hee hee."

Dude, what´d you tell
the secret service?

I didn´t
tell them nothing.

Good.
I thought you´d cr*ck

Once they started questioning
you about the speech.

The secret service
is going to question me

About the speech?
Shh!

I don´t want the president
mad at me, george.

I don´t want to go
on that deck of cards.

Ernie, relax.

They got nothing,
all right?

You got to be
more like me.

Be cool.

Ice water.

George, these gentlemen
want to talk to you.

The speech is at my house!

It´s in a plastic bag
taped behind the toilet!

We´re not here
about a speech.

Then why am I being
arrested?

I didn´t do anything!

You´re under arrest
for assaulting your father --

Manny lopez.

Okay, I might have
done that.

The actual idea for the story,
the show you just saw,

Me taking
the president´s speech,

Happened in real life.

I was invited to perform
at the white house,

And president bush,
after he spoke,

I looked down at the podium,
and there was the speech

With my name in it
y todo.

So I grabbed it,
I put it in my pocket,

And the secret service
was looking for me.

I said, "how do they know
I took it?"

Then they came up to me
and they said, "mr. Lopez?"

And I said, "it´s in the car!"
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