03x24 - George Goes to Disneyland

Episode transcripts for the TV show "George Lopez". Aired: March 27, 2002 - May 8, 2007.*
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Assembly-line worker and family man George is promoted to manage an airplane parts factory in L.A.
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03x24 - George Goes to Disneyland

Post by bunniefuu »

Hey, how´s it going
with the boss´ son?

I don´t know why mel
had to dump his kid on me.

Mom, that guy´s not cut out
for anything at the factory.

He´s got your job down.

[ Scoffs ]
and to think...

Mel and a drunk cocktail
waitress made that.

I´m awake.

I don´t care.
Tell your dad, write me up.

Just remember my name.

I´m gina from inspecting.

Look, I don´t know
what kind of problems
you had at your school,

But when you´re here,
come on, man, you have to work.

What did you hear
about me in school?

Nothing.
It´s none of my business.

Did you hear I got busted
for stealing a car?
Yeah.

Did you hear
I punched out a teacher?
Yeah.

Did you hear I knocked up
the principal´s daughter?

No.

Oh. Well, that just happened.
You´ll hear about it next week.

Well, look, anyone can fight
and steal and knock a girl up.

But it takes a real man
to file alphabetically.

Get cracking, thug.

Who´s the hottie
in the picture?

That´s my daughter.

But she´s fat and ugly now.
Go file.

Hey, i´m zack...powers.

We were just
talking about you.

Your dad thinks
you´re fat and ugly.

Oh, that´s funny.

He must have mistaken me
for his head and that tie.

I like
the schoolgirl look.

You girls ever wash cars
for charity?

Get all soapy?
Fight over the hose?

George...

You...
Stay away from my daughter.

And you, carmen.
Go wait in the car.

And you...

Stop buying me
these ugly-ass ties.

Max bought you that one.

Ha ha, I love it.
It´s nice.

We´re only here
for a minute.

Something...special happened
to max at school today,

And he wants to talk to you
about it.

[ Sighs ]

Okay, max.
Look...

There´s nothing unusual
about this, okay?

You´re at that age.

Next time it happens,

Just get a stack of books
and put them in your lap

And remember that god
or santa could be watching.

I won most-improved
special-ed student of the month!

[ Laughs ]

Hey, that´s great, buddy.

Yeah. The school even gave me
a bumper sticker.

You´re supposed to
put it on your car.

"Proud parent of the
most-improved special-ed...

Student."

You know what?
I bet mom´s car would look --

Already got one.

So what do you say
that we celebrate, huh?

Anything you want.

Mom´s taking me to disneyland
next saturday and...

I want to know
if you can come this time.

Saturday...huh?

You´re not sick,
and you don´t have to work.

[ Laughs ]
thanks.

You got me there.
Okay, disneyland it is!

Great!

Ooh. Do you think
grandma wants to come?

[ Scoffs ] not unless
they replaced frontierland

With smokey-drinky land.

Disneyland
with the family.

Your wife´s
pretty hot, too.

Okay, for the last time --

The women in my family
are off-limits.

Except that one.

You want to see that
all soapy

Washing your car
in a schoolgirl outfit?

I didn´t think so.
Wa-cha!

Hey.

What kind of car you got?

[ Intro to w*r´s "low rider"
plays ]

♫ All my friends
know the low rider ♫

Kids, we got to go.
Disneyland opens in an hour.

Yeah, big day.
Hurry up.

I´m going to disneyland!

Oh, mom, why do you always
have to film everything?

Because these are
important memories.

But we never watch
the tapes.

Starting this week,

Every sunday
is family-video night.

Aw!
Way to go, carmen.

Why don´t you just
remind mom

That we haven´t been to church
in three sundays?

It has been too long.
We´re going next week.

Aw!

Why don´t you kids shut up
before your mom

Sends me on a golf weekend
without my family.

Don´t you do it.

George lopez.

About to go to disneyland

For the first time
in his life.

Say something, honey.

[ Laughs ]
well, i´m excited, okay?

It´s finally
going to happen this time.

No excuses.

[ Knock on door ]

What are ernie and ricky
doing here?

Oh, man.
Am I glad I caught you.

Listen...

Social services moved up ricky´s
foster-care hearing to today.

If you don´t come down as
my character witness right now,

I could lose him forever.

Right now, right now?

Right now, right now.

A hearing on a saturday?

Uh, well, you know
the courts are all backed up.

George, please.

You´ve got to come.

Or they´re gonna take ricky
away from me.

Forever.

Look, buddy.

You don´t want your friend ricky
to end up in a bad home,

Do you, max?

No.

Well, looks like i´m not
gonna be able to go to
disneyland with you.

Ricky: you guys are going
to disneyland?

I want to go!

You´ve got
your hearing, ricky.

There´s no hearing.

Ernie wanted me to lie to get
mr. Lopez out of something.

Really?

Angie, please -- this kid b*rned
down our garage, stole our car,

And crashed it
into the fence.

Are you gonna believe the words
of a clearly troubled youth

Or the words of
a loving and supportive husband

For the last 17 years
we´ve [whistles].

George!

Ricky, get in the car.
You´re going to disneyland.

[ Clears throat ]

You too.
[ Giggles ]

Look, max, i´m...

Look,
i´ll make it up to you, man.

We can go anywhere...
Else you --

Come on, angie,
you know I hate crowds.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.
I want to get this on film.

So when your son is in therapy
20 years from now,

He knows why you wouldn´t
go with him to disneyland.

So, you were saying?
Crowds?

Look, angie, you´re making this
worse than it is.

Okay, if 20 years from now,

Max has a good-enough job
that he can afford a therapist,

I´ll tell you
what we´re going to do.

We´re gonna go down to whatever
bar carmen is working at,

And we´re gonna --

Mom.

Ah!

Why are you
stealing my food?

I´m not stealing it.

The way angie cooks,
i´m rescuing it.

Look, you´re not
going anywhere.

Why didn´t you ever
take me to disneyland?

What?

We lived 40 minutes
from there.

All my friends went.
Why didn´t you ever take me?

What are you talking about,
george?

I took you
when you were 6 years old.

Don´t do this.

No, listen.

If you don´t believe me,
check the back of your arm.

There´s a scar there from when
I dragged you under the fence.

You did that
with your fingernail

To make the school think
that I had my vaccinations.

All right, here´s the truth.
I screwed up.

I took you once,

But you were too young
to enjoy it.

How come
I don´t remember?

´Cause you weren´t
born yet.

I thought my water broke
on the matterhorn,

But it was just the splash
at the end of the ride.

Mom!

Look, I just hurt my son,

Because I wouldn´t go
to disneyland, and do
you want to know why?

Could you leave it
on my answering machine?

Because you ruined it
for me.

I didn´t want to go and see
all those kids having fun,

Because it would just remind me

Of all the other things
I didn´t have growing up --

Like birthdays or christmas,

Or doctors with offices!

What kind of dentist
works out of a camper?

Mom, I had to spit
out the window!

Pardon me.

Let me
get in my time machine

And go back
and fix your childhood.

[ Beeping ]

Oh, my god, it worked!

Look, there´s a big baby
in front of me.

You just don´t get it,
do you?

I´ll tell you
what I don´t get.

If taking your kid to disneyland
is such a big deal,

Then why aren´t you there
with max?

Yeah, you know what, mom?
You´re right.

I should be there.

I´m gonna stop this nonsense
and go be with my family.

I don´t need any more
of your excuses.

I don´t need
anything from you!

I don´t need your bad attitude!
I don´t need anything!

Ernie blocked me in!
I need a ride to disneyland!

Man, that´s it.

That´s the castle tinkerbell
flies out of before the movies.

You don´t say.

You think tinkerbell
is here?

Yeah, i´m looking
right at her.

I can´t believe you got me
to come in here.

Look, you´re my ride
if I can´t find angie.

Why don´t I just wait for you
in the car, huh?

Because you´re gonna
go to the nearest indian casino

And load up
on the cheap smokes.

That´s right,
I saw you eyeing the sign.

Hey, why don´t you
come with me?

Be just like
frontierland,

Except this time,
the indians win.

I can´t believe I thought
I would hate this place, mom.

It´s amazing.

What´s amazing is
this many people

Think they look good
in cargo shorts.

You know, you just can´t
admit this place is great,

Because that would mean
admitting

To being a horrible mother
for never bringing me here.

Mouse ears!

I always wanted those.
Oliver!

You should cherish this day!

And get some sun block.

Can we please go home now?

Come on,
this place is huge.

We´re never gonna find
angie and the kids.

We´re gonna search
every inch of this park.

From mr. Toad´s wild ride
to splash mountain,

And then we´ll go over to
disney´s california adventure

To see if they´re on that new
twilight zone tower of terror...

And because i´m here
to find my family.

Oh, sorry, kids.
He´s not a character.

That´s his real head.

That was a lot of fun,
wasn´t it?

That was good.
I liked it.

Okay,
what should we do next?

Ooh, ricky and I want to
go on the haunted mansion.

Uh...i don´t know.
Isn´t that a little scary?

I mean, the ghosts ride
in the car with you.

And you can see a woman´s heart
b*ating in her chest.

That´s not scary.

Yeah, well, just in case,
you´d better ride with me,

And --
and we´ll hold hands.

I call middle.

Hello?

Did you have a good time
on splash mountain

In your little,
green shirt?

Who is this?

Look behind you.

What are you
doing here?

I wanted to see you.

You were following me?
That´s creepy.

No, it´s flattery.

If my dad found out you were
following me, he´d k*ll you.

Yeah, well,
your dad´s not here.

Ditch your family
and come with me.

Are you crazy?

According to
my school psychologist,

I´m only a danger to myself
and...[Sighs] hot girls.

Here,
I got you something.

Look, my dad has told me
all about you.

So I don´t want to talk to you,
I don´t want you following me,

And I don´t want anything
to do with you.

Oh, my god, that´s a necklace.
I want it.

I saw you trying it on.

Angie:
carmen?

Carmen!

I better go.

I´ll be right behind you.

Wait.

You´d better hide this.

Max:
come on, mom said we have to
take a picture with goofy.

Do it without me.

We can´t.
You´re goofy.

[ Laughing ]

[ Clattering ]

Having fun yet?!

No!

Having fun yet, mom?!

No!!

Now?!

No!

How about now?!

No-o-o-o-o-o-o!

Hi!
[ Whistles ]

Oh, that was awesome!

Yeah, great.

You sit in a log
and ride over a waterfall.

That´s how the canadians
sneak into the country.

Mom, come on.
I know you had fun.

No, I didn´t.

Really?

Then why are you smiling
in this picture?

All right, I had fun.

Imagine that look on my face
as a kid!

George, look around you.

Why would I show you
a place

With all these happy families
having a great time,

And then take you back
to the dump we lived in?

You would have been miserable.

So to keep me from being sad,
you made sure I was never happy?

George, if crap is all you know,
then it´s not crap.

It´s normal.

Mom, when you´re a little boy

And your bed is surrounded
with rat traps,

And you´re jealous because
the rats are getting cheese,

You know it´s crap!

God, you´re so messed up,
you don´t even know

How to have a good time
with your own family.

Hey...

There´s your family over there.
Go be normal.

I will. I´ll go on
all the rides with them.

I´ll eat with them, i´ll wait
while they go to the bathroom,

I´ll wait while angie

Videotapes everything
that she sees.

Two can move faster
than seven.

Vamonos!

Hey, I know it´s the new
twilight zone tower of terror,

But don´t be scared.

I hear it´s a 13-story drop.

Protect me,
grandma cardenas.

My mom´s gonna see you.

I got something else
I want to give to you.

[ Screaming ]

Having a good time,
honey?

Why? What did you see?

You´ve been smiling.

[ Giggles ]

Well,
this day has been...

A lot more fun
than I thought it would be.

Good.

I want to do
the teacups.

Teacups
are for babies.

No,
they´re for everyone.

Look, there´s some grown-ups
on them.

George?

Oh, my god, I thought you were
gonna get sick, mom.

Hey.
Hey.

[ Laughing ]
hey.

Dad, what are you
and grandma doing here?

I felt bad
about not being with you,

So I came down
to find you.

Man, where you been?
I´ve been looking everywhere!

On the teacups?

Yeah, that way
I could look everywhere at once.

Wa-cha...

You missed
almost the whole day.

I´m sorry I couldn´t be here,
but let me make it up to you.

Next weekend,

We´ll come down here early,
we´ll go on all the rides,

It´ll be a guy´s day.

Me and you, max.

No, ´cause next weekend,
I have to study for a big test.

Well, I don´t.
I´ll be here.

Can I wake dad up
to say "good night"?

No, honey.
Let him sleep.

Yeah, you´re right.

The little fella´s
had a big day.

♫ Yo ho, yo ho ♫

♫ A pirate´s life for me ♫

The dog has the keys!

Mom...

What are you
doing here?

Nothing.
I forgot my smokes.

What´s this?

I don´t know.
It´s your yard.

My ears.

Thanks, mom.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, it´s a good thing

You didn´t have those ears
when you were a kid.

You would have gotten
your butt kicked.

Kids don´t b*at you up
for wearing mouse ears.

I would have done it.

Well, you´re home late.
Aren´t you, dad?

Sorry, max,
I had to work.

There´s a lot of parts
coming in...and delays.

Really?

´Cause I called the factory,

And they said you left early
with a tummyache.

I went to the doctor, max.
You didn´t see me at lunch.

I was like, "ugh."

I knew it!

You went to disneyland
without me.

Max, it´s not
what it looks like.
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