01x02 - Carrying A Bird

[bunniefuu]

BENEDICT: We suffer under something called
"The Emergency".

A rapidly escalating state of panic
where the truth itself is under att*ck.

It just feels like
something bad is about to happen.

That's The Emergency.

MS. PERUMAL: I've been saving
something for you. It's a test.

And the winners get a scholarship
to the Boatwright Academy.

You may begin.

BENEDICT: There are some who possess
an unusually powerful love of the truth.

Time! I shall now read the list
of those who've passed the test.

Reynard Muldoon?

I'm Kate Wetherall.
I'm a self-contained unit.

KATE: Anything that comes up,
I deal with myself.

- REYNIE: That's Sticky Washington.
- Why do they call you Sticky?

STICKY:
I remember everything I read or see.

- (bell dings)
- Well done.

- What's in there?
- NUMBER TWO: Mr. Benedict.

BENEDICT: Allow me to acquaint you
with your fourth. Constance Contraire.

I apologize for nothing.

We're asking you to go on a mission.
A risky, undercover mission.

And, unfortunately, one that can
only be accomplished by children.

(alarm blaring)

You can wait here
for further instructions.

- How long was I out?
- We're under att*ck.

- Someone's cut the power.
- Cut the power?

Take these.

(whistles)

Who wants to see the safe room?

- There we are.
- Is this another test?

This is not a test.

This way.

Back, back, back!

(thudding)

Excuse me a moment.

RHONDA: Follow me, right here.

- Where's Milligan?
- I don't know.

- We'll go through the maze.
- STICKY: Who are those people?

BENEDICT: I'll detail more later.
Stay close.

We need to cross the house.

The other staircase
will lead us to the safe room.

(indistinct chatter)

This way. Hurry up! Hurry up! Eh?

- Is everybody here?
- (Benedict mumbling)

Let's go! Let's go!

- (electricity crackles)
- (groans)

Back, back, back!

(panting)

Stay close. Stay close. No, no, no.
This way.

No, no, no. Wait.

- (electricity crackles)
- (Benedict groans)

We have to help him.

(ominous music)

(man grunts)

(groans)

(grunting)

MAN : Abort! Abort!

(all panting)

(all pant)

Oh, my.
(groaning)

Where's Constance?

She ran for it right away,
to save her own skin.

Maybe she was trying to flank them.

- Flank them?
- (Sticky sighs)

Reynie, you're too nice.

MILLIGAN: All clear. All clear.

CONSTANCE: He is too nice.

Constance? Where did you go?

Where you dummies should have gone.

It's called hiding. Ever heard of it?

We were helping Mr. Benedict.

I don't owe that guy anything.

The situation's resolved.

The building has been locked down
and we are perfectly safe here.

Here.

Who were they?

Well, if it makes you feel any better,
you were not their target.

- They were here for me.
- Why?

Um, also, still, "Who?"

Come with me.

(theme music)

BENEDICT: Do you remember when I told you

that I believe one person
is creating The Emergency?

This is how.

(machine whirs)

Question.
(sighs)

(indistinct chatter)

Do you feel anything?

Hmm... My stomach is a little upset.

Interesting. That's actually a side effect
for the very sensitive.

Number Two and Rhonda,
please engage the receivers.

Thank you.

Now, it looks normal,

but listen to what's underneath.

...giving us your final answer, please.

MESSENGER: The missing aren't missing,
they're only departed.

Poison apples, friendly visage.

Pardon, possession,
a walk on the shore, poison worms...

- Brush your teeth and...
- (statics)

What were those?

Those are the hidden messages

that are being broadcast
on every TV and radio,

and they're infecting our minds
without us even knowing they're there.

The Emergency
is caused by subliminal messages.

Manipulation sub rosa.

Yes, yes. It's taken a long time
for me to put this together.

The sender of these messages
is putting our psyches under siege.

Why would someone do that?

When people are anxious or frightened,
they're more susceptible to suggestion.

They panic. They turn on each other.

I mean, look... look how people
are treating each other now.

Aggressive, suspicious, unkind.

- It's all part of the plan.
- We are being softened up.

That sounds...

bad.

It is.

These messages are increasing in frequency
and getting stronger.

Our society is fragile

and so much closer to the breaking point
than we've ever been.

And almost no one
is aware enough to fight it.

Why are those children's voices?

People aren't naturally suspicious
of children.

Your voices don't trigger our defenses.

Using children to send the messages
makes them virtually undetectable.

Shouldn't you just,
I don't know, call the cops?

- (scoffs)
- I wish it were that easy.

You have a phone, right?

But the government agencies
that could have helped

have been dismantled.

You have to understand me.

Good women and men
who worked for them have gone missing.

But you've got the evidence.

Oh, Reynie.

Proof is useless

unless it's proof of something
people already want to believe.

And I'm afraid
no one wants to believe this.

However, I have finally discovered
where the messages are coming from.

The Learning Institute
for Veritas and Enlightenment.

You mean the school out on Harbor Island?

Yes!

That is where the sender must be,
and that is where your mission lies.

What makes you think
that four kids can stop all of this?

Oh, not just kids.

Four extraordinary kids.

And, yes, I believe you can.

In fact, I believe
you're the only ones who can.

It has been a long night.
Well, too long, actually.

I suggest we get some sleep.

Hmm. Yeah. We can go over the plan
in the morning, hmm.

Number Two and Rhonda, would you please

- show our friends their rooms?
- Yes. Right this way.

- Please get some rest.
- RHONDA: We'll get you all set up.

Maybe I wish
I never heard about any of this.

But now I have heard of it.

Can't go back.

Are we sure any of this is even real?

Doesn't it seem real?

I've never been on a team.

Yeah. That part is kind of cool.

Team demands a name.

I've workshopped a few. How about...

Kate the Great

and Her Triumphant Trio?

CONSTANCE: That's a dumb name.

It does seem less team-ish.

We'll sleep on it. See how it ages.

(Constance snores)

Constance, are you pretending to sleep

so you don't have to talk to us?

(snoring)

(theme music plays)

Constance, can you pass the orange juice?

- No.
- No?

BENEDICT: Oh.

I'm so grateful you've all chosen to stay.
(chuckles)

Rhonda, the dossiers.

Now, please...

Please forgive the chaos.

Preparations must be made.

(grunting)

Oh, thank you.

Oh, now, as I mentioned earlier,

the signals are coming from the Institute
on Harbor Island.

Heavily guarded.

Access to it is almost exclusively limited
to incoming students.

That's why it has to be children.

Exactly, which is why
I could never get near the island.

But you can. You can.

- Sir.
- Oh, oh, that's...

That's a lot. No, thank you.

- NUMBER TWO: You ordered this.
- BENEDICT: No, thank you. No.

You four are going to infiltrate
the Institute

as new students, as my secret agents.

I'm gonna need a bigger bucket.

So, what do we do?

Well, to begin with, deep breath.

(inhales deeply)

(exhales deeply)

Now, your first job

is to find the identity of the sender.

I mean, who's running the school?

I find it very odd that that information
is not even in the brochure.

- Yeah.
- That's weird.

Very weird.

Once we know who we're dealing with,
we can get to work on our end,

while you, next, find the transmitter
that's sending the messages.

Where is it? How does it work?
Who has access to it?

Can it be disabled or shut down?

- Or destroyed.
- Well, that's the same thing.

- No. Okay.
- No. Okay.

Probably also gonna want us

to do some sneaking around,
maybe break into some offices.

I don't. No.

You must keep
a very, very, very low profile. All right?

Please, please, please, please
do not take any unnecessary risks.

Please, please, please.

Just find out what you can,
report back to me.

Understood. Minimal sneaking.
Break-ins only when necessary.

Or never.

But absorb everything.

Every odd detail, every suspicious aspect,
curious tidbit.

Nothing is too small.

Sticky, I imagine
you'll be quite effective at this thing.

- (gasps nervously)
- Get a grip, man.

I don't know why I got picked for this.
I really don't.

BENEDICT: Well, I do, Mr. Washington.

Nothing escapes you. That's who you are.

And I consider myself
an excellent judge of character.

So, how will we be communicating with you?

Hmm. I was hoping to use
homing pigeons for this,

but training
did not proceed as planned, so...

- Those are awful birds.
- BENEDICT: They're just atrocious.

We've been eating pigeon for months.

Instead,

we will be using
Morse code signaled by flashlights.

(chuckles)

But, rest assured,

we will be watching from a hidden position
on the mainland

at all times.

All times, day and night,
we will always have eyes on you.

Will code names be needed?

Will somewhat long-ish code names work?

No. You'll be using your own names
to enroll.

Now...

Oh, my.

Signatures must be forged, orders given,
bribes paid, and calls made.

Now, while we do that, I highly suggest

that you familiarize yourself
with the dossiers

and brush up on your Morse code. Hmm.

I don't know Morse code.

- Oh.
- STICKY: I do!

I know Morse code. I can teach you.

Wonderful.

(morse code beeping)

"Quick brown fox
jumps over the lazy frog."

That's good,
but it's usually a dog, right?

Frogs are the better animals, technically.

Reynie, guess what this word is.

(morse code beeping)

I'd rather not say that word.

You guys are doing really well.

Whatever, George Washington.

I really prefer Sticky.

Okay, George.

(morse code beeping)

(sighs deeply)

(morse code beeping)

STICKY: You might've noticed
that my head holds a lot of information.

Well, my aunt noticed, too.

I went to live with her and her husband
after my parents d*ed.

Why does it have to rain so much?

It's actually the result
of a number of different factors.

The atmospheric and sea temperatures
are in a warming phase

with a weakening
of the pressure-gradient force,

and causes the ocean surface temperatures

to rise, resulting...

STICKY: I just liked reading,

but they thought it'd be good for me
to take advantage of my gift.

Spell the letter H.

(sighs)

A-I-T-C-H.

Correct!

- (upbeat music)
- (audience cheering)

(applause)

Who knew?

STICKY: At first, it was fun.

The Strait of Hormuz.

Emerson Fittipaldi.

Shoemaker Levy- .

The Danse Macabre.

AUDIENCE: Ooh.

(audience cheering, clapping)

(gasps)

- (exclaims)
- Yeah!

- You got the car!
- We got it!

STICKY: But the more I won,
the more they wanted.

.

...

- ?
- (buzzer buzzes)

- Oh, so sorry.
- (audience groaning)

- (screaming)
- STICKY: So, I pretended

to run away to see how they'd react.

I found a place where I could watch them.

Well, I guess
he didn't really want to be here anyway.

Maybe...

maybe it's for the best.

We never asked for this.

He's a smart kid, but...

So then, I ran away for real.

(morse code beeps)

There's not much else to say.

I snuck into the library,
lived there for a couple weeks.

Then I saw Mr. Benedict's ad.

Sticky, that's awful. I'm so sorry.

STICKY: Thanks.

I guess, somehow, it's for the best.

They don't have all that responsibility,
and I don't have all that pressure.

So, it's okay.

I have no idea what to say.

Well, you know, you have us now.

So, what the heck's your story?

REYNIE: Constance.

- What?
- You shouldn't be saying that.

I have just one memory.

I wake blindfolded,
strapped to a metal chair.

My hands and feet are chained.

My head is clamped
into some metal restraint.

I'm bruised and cold.

I hear rushing water and a rat, or...

a very husky mouse.

I can't remember where I am,
how I got here, what my name is.

Amnesia.

Amnesia.

My captors return.
Or maybe they never left. Questions.

What do I remember? What do I remember?

A slap and another slap.

My blindfold is dislodged slightly.

As I'm shuffled back towards my cell,
I realize I'm clutching something.

In my hand, a small key
fashioned from toenail clippings.

Mine? I can only assume.

I trip myself,
using the distraction to unlock my chains.

I fight my captors
with the elephant rage of a desperate man.

I best them. I run.

Away from the building.
Down the hill. The grass is slick.

I tumble and fall off of a cliff
and into the bay.

(gasps)

A venomous eel locks onto my ankle,

its creeping poison
rendering my right leg immobile.

If I wasn't a left-footed swimmer,
I might have drowned.

I use a modified turtle stroke
until I wash ashore.

Half mad,
I survive on peat moss and grub worms

until I regain my strength
and make my way to the city.

But...

no one believes my tale. I am...

laughed at,

pelted with garbage,

an outcast. I...

I am nothing.

I am no one.

But...

I hear talk,

talk of a man.

A brilliant, compassionate man

who seems to know
about all manner of things.

A man who will listen.

That was pretty wordy.

Did you ever get any of your memory back?

No.

But Mr. Benedict always believed me.

Brought me in, gave me a job,

and helped me sort out things
as best he could. It...

It is connected.

It is all connected.

I owe everything to Mr. Benedict.

And for that,

he has my undying loyalty.

(clicking)

"I am terrified."

Exactly!

Are you?

Terrified?

Yeah.

Then don't go.

Constance, do you wanna practice at all?

(sighs deeply)

I have a poem to read.

Oh, fantastic.

(clears throat)

"In a land far away where 'twas never day,

gargoyles, three, tormented me.

Kateena Smelleral
had a head full of gears.

Reynardo ate cat food and picked his ears.

While Stinky, all day, pooped in fear."

I can't help it.

Just what it says.

"Each was annoying and soft as dough,

and that is all you need to know."

The end.

It's called
The Tale of the Annoying Three.

- Yeah, I think I get it.
- Vivid imagery.

(paper rustles)

- Yeah, keep walking!
- (door opens)

CONSTANCE: I plan to.

- (door closes)
- (grunts)

She's not such a great wordsmith.

KATE: All she does is insult us!

She's like an anti-teammate.

How are we supposed to succeed

with someone
actively trying to throw us off?

Kate's right.

She's only going to make
a dangerous thing harder.

I feel the same way.

But why would Mr. Benedict let her join us
if she wasn't important?

We need to ask Benedict to drop her,
for all our sakes.

Reynie, go talk to him.

What? Why me?

Because you're the only one who can.

If Sticky goes, he'll just implode.

- No offense.
- None taken.

If I go, I'll just complain about her.
A lot.

I have a list.

So, you're the guy.

(dramatic music)

BENEDICT: Come in!

Oh, hello.
I'm just having a late-night snack.

Biscuit?

No, thank you.

I assume you're here about Constance.

Constance Contraire?

Grumpy girl about yea high?

Yeah, I know who she...

Yes.

And that you speak not just for yourself,
but Kate and Sticky as well, hmm?

Yes.

We...

And I feel bad about this, but...

we don't think she should be on the team.

I know. I know.

And after what you've seen,
I can understand that.

Please, sit.

(Benedict sighs)

Oh, you see, um...

Constance is much more gifted
than she seems.

And much better.

In many ways, I think she might be the key
to our success.

But it is important that you know

that my opinion is not based
on unruly optimism or pity,

and that, while I have my opinion,
I value yours.

- You don't want a biscuit? No?
- No, thank you.

You want a biscuit?

Ah...

Do you know the parable
of the West Aleutian Wise Woman, hmm?

- No.
- No?

Well, that makes sense. No one does.

Well, it goes like this.

(clears throat)
There was a very mischievous boy...

Oh, I'm not saying you're mischievous,
that's not the point. Sorry.

And a very wise village woman.

And the boy thinks

the woman acts like she knows everything
and has never been wrong.

And he wants very badly, for some reason,
to prove she's wrong.

So, he hides a very small bird
in his hands, and he asks the woman,

"Is this bird alive or dead?"

If she says "dead," he'll let it fly free.

But if she says "alive,"

he will secretly crush it,
so he'll win either way.

- I would never do that.
- Oh, no. I know.

BENEDICT: It's horrible.
It's horrible. It's just a parable.

Anyway, the wise woman looks to the boy
and, in answer to his question, says,

"That, young man, depends on you."

Now, you're not the boy,
I'm not the wise woman,

and Constance is not the bird.
This actually might be the wrong parable.

The only thing relevant

is that I leave this decision completely
in your hands.

Progress report.
The documents will be complete by sunrise.

Ah, thank you.

Now, all right.

Please return to me
with the group's decision, if you may.

Oh, one more thing, um...

How did it feel to come down here
and discuss this with me?

Terrible, sir.

And yet you did it because you had to.

Do you know what that's called?

Carrying a bird?

Leadership.

Good night, Reynie.

Good night.

They'll make the right decision.

They will.

And whatever decision they make
will become the right decision.

REYNIE: Dear Ms. Perumal, it's Reynie.

I wish I could write you a real letter
but this is the best I can do.

How are you?

I'm okay, I guess.

I'm actually
not at the Boatwright Academy.

Apparently, this special opportunity
is a lot more complicated.

At least I'm not alone.

It's exciting to be part of something.

And if Mr. Benedict is right,

what we're doing is important.

But I'm worried that
I'll let everyone down.

Part of me wishes
I was back at the orphanage,

reading the newspaper with you.

I hope you're well.
Say hello to Mr. Rutger.

Love, Reynie.

Muldoon.

KATE: So, I was thinking we'd just go with

The Great Kate Weather Machine
and the Stormriders.

It plays on a weather theme.

Does every teammate get a vote?

Yes, Constance.

Every member of the team
in good standing gets a vote.

How about The Four Kids g*ng?

The Secret Agent Children's Group?

Oof.

But those are accurate.

CONSTANCE: Accurate?

How about The Doomed To Fail Club?

I think the name should acknowledge
who brought us together.

Mr. Benedict
and the Great Kate Weathermen.

Kate, seriously, you need to let that go.

REYNIE: I mean...

The Mysterious Benedict Society.

(pensive music)

BENEDICT: Well, we're leaving also.

Our home is compromised,
as the events of last night demonstrated,

as a matter of fact...
(chuckles)

KATE: Whoa. What's with the get-up?

Milligan was the primary face
that they saw last night,

so we must take every precaution
with your transfer.

Now, remember, children,

we're always just a few dots
and dashes away.

And I'm so proud of you.
(chuckles)

(stammering)

RHONDA: Okay. Okay.

Slow.

- Look at the plaid.
- Cleansing, eh?

- It's fine.
- Slow.

Ah, what sweet, sweet memories.

(Benedict groans softly)

(theme music plays)

Steady, now.

There's not a thing to worry about.

WORKER : The Emergency's gonna end up
costing us our jobs.

WORKER :
Yeah, there's nobody at the wheel.

(indistinct chatter)

How can I help you?

These are the new transfers.

Three from Binnud Academy, and one from...

Stonetown...

Pardon. Excuse me.

Stonetown Orphanage.

(stutters)
Or... orphanage, yeah.

(indistinct chatter)

(tense music)

Just in case.

Well, this is a new one.

Your paperwork is flawless.
I mean, completely flawless.

And you arrived exactly on time,
to the minute.

Welcome to the Institute.
You can head right to the ferry.

This way?

(theme music plays)

(ferry horn honks)

(birds chirping)

Hello?

It's a test, dummies.

Transfers!

How long have you been waiting?

- Forever.
- Oh, not long.

Hmm. Didn't really take the initiative,
did you?

We followed instructions.

Do you always? Follow instructions?

Ha!

When appropriate.

- Oh, some kind of rebel. I see.
- What?

- Just kidding.
- Totally kidding.

(laughs sarcastically)

- I'm Jackson.
- And I'm Jillson.

We're in charge of you four.

JACKSON: Let's get you checked
into your rooms.

(huffs)

(Benedict groans)

- This...
- (Number Two grunting)

It's... it's not working.

Oh, those children must be terrified.

You chose the right kids.

Put into a completely foreign environment.

- They can handle it.
- Cast away from everything familiar...

- And they have us, eh?
- This is crazy.

It's crazy.

The bravery of these children,
I have never seen anything like it.

(laughs)

It is such, such bravery.

- Number Two.
- What?

- Again.
- Get him away from the flame.

Mr. Benedict...

This is it.

JILLSON: Satellite TV.
You can watch anytime.

It's great.

You mean, after we get our homework done?

JACKSON: Anytime.

Flip it on right now if you want.
It's encouraged.

Don't worry.

Same screen dimensions
as the ones in the boys' room.

I'm sure they're enjoying it right now.

(TV chatter)

You're all orphans, huh?

Some of us.

JACKSON: That is sad.

So sad.

But there are ton of orphans here.
It's not a big deal. It's common.

Which is not to say it's a bummer here.
It's upbeat.

The vibe. Unless you make it a bummer.

- We can't control that.
- Hmm.

(TV noise)

East campus is all dorms,
with the exception of several classrooms.

North campus encompasses all campuses

except East campus,
including South campus.

It sounds confusing,
but it isn't confusing,

which happens to be an important principle
you'll learn here at the Institute.

What's that?

JACKSON: The Tower.

You have no reason to go there,
unless you become Messengers.

So, not likely
it'll ever become relevant to you.

Not so high on these two.

And, um... who is the headmaster?

He prefers to introduce himself.
You'll meet him soon.

TEACHER: The free market...

STUDENTS: Must always be free.

TEACHER: The free market...

STUDENTS: Must be controlled
in certain cases.

TEACHER: The free market...

STUDENTS: Must be free enough
to control itself in certain cases,

- and have enough control to free itself...
- What are they talking about?

- ...in certain cases.
- The free market.

- This is one of the most popular classes.
- TEACHER: The free market...

STUDENTS: Must always be free.

(telephone ringing)

TEACHER: Hello.

Okay.

Mm-hmm. Yes, sir.

Class,

Lindsay will report to Institute Control

where she will be granted special access,
as she is our newest Messenger.

- (applause)
- Lindsay.

Amazing timing that you'd get to see that.

Usually, the headmaster would come down
to give the honor himself.

Oh, well, bad luck.
Don't take it personally.

We'll meet him in the dining hall
for a quick hello,

and it'll be unforgettable.

Wow! Yes. Amazing.

So... so cool.

Anyways, how do you get to be a Messenger?

Strictly merit-based.

You just need to excel in the core classes
and become crème de la crème.

I mean, you four...

It's very exclusive.
I wouldn't count on it.

But anything can happen.

(quirky music)

Wow.

When's lunch?

Whenever you want,
if it's here when you are.

What?

Ms. Jillson, it's kind of hard
to understand all these rules.

Rules? There are virtually none.

You can wear whatever you want
that abides by the standards.

You can bathe as much
or as little as you like,

as long as you are clean.

You can keep the lights on all the way up
to lights out at : ,

if you choose, and...

You can go wherever you want,

as long as you stay on the paths.

This is all so confusing.

Ah.

He's running a bit behind.

We could wait.
We really do want to meet him.

Of course, you do. You're not insane.

(crickets chirping)

You wanna turn on the TV?

I don't think that's a good idea.

STICKY: Probably right.

It's sort of nice to share a room.

I know. Kids I knew back home,

they used to complain about sharing
with their brothers and sisters.

But I always thought
that sounded pretty good.

(footsteps thumping in distance)

Hello?

Hi.

(grunts, exhales)

Bucket.

Now you.

(both grunt)

Well, we should get moving.

To make contact with Mr. Benedict.

On the first night?

We haven't found, you know, a name yet.

At least we can say it's a he.

(owl hooting)

I'm hoping we don't always have
to squeeze through that bathroom window

to get out at night.

Stealth has a price.

Adapt or die, George.

Sticky's the best at Morse code.
So, go for it.

(sighs)

(clicking)

- STICKY: There they are.
- KATE: Okay.

KATE: Use the code
to tell them we're safe.

Which would be...

We're saltines.

What?

Well, saltines. Crackers.

Safe crackers.

Yeah, I wasn't paying attention
during that part.

Let's tell them about the Messengers.

Right.

That's gonna be a little complicated.

Why do we have to communicate in riddles?

An abundance of caution?

"Hide"? What's that? A pelt?

Dr. Jekyll, maybe?
We never went over that one.

He's still saying "hide."

Oh, hide, hide!

(suspenseful music)

MAN : I know I saw something.

Based on
the flashlight's movement patterns,

I think they're okay.

(sighs)

Oh, good.

Oh, I'm okay, dear. I'm stable.
Thank you. Hmm.

- Why don't you head inside?
- Hmm.

RHONDA: Your carpentry skills are amazing.

Goodness.

- Woodworking is a passion.
- Ah.

Um, Kate? The dorm is that way.

You guys go back. I'm going up there.

You think the transmitter's up there?

Don't know.
But nothing good ever happens in a tower.

Thought I might go right at it!

Or up the side and through the window.

It's too dangerous and too soon.

How are we supposed to climb up that?

Not you. Me. By myself.

With my bucket.

Oh, no. You might fall.

We're a team, Kate.

So, that means we have to all vote
on everything now?

If you get caught, it comes back on us.

Look, she's thinking.

You have a personality flaw.

Why would I care what you think?

You're not perceptive.

Can we go back to the rooms now?

Team?

(grunts)

(suspenseful music)

(door opens)

Hello!

Welcome.

I recognize a lot of you from the halls,

but I also see some new faces among us.

Exciting.

So...

I am...

Mr. Oshiro.

And this class is called
"Psychopractical Problem Dynamics".

Don't be alarmed.

That's really just a fancy term for system

and/or practice-based
mental acuity enhancement,

based on both real-world
and abstract enigmas and conundrums.

It's fun, I promise.

I like him.

So, why don't we dive right in?

As you can see,

there are three light switches
on the wall,

one of which activates the lamp
in the classroom directly above us,

which we obviously can't see from here.

If you're only allowed
to check up there once,

how can you determine
which switch activates the lamp?

Yes, Martina?

(clears throat)

Taking into consideration
number selection bias,

the assumed IQ range
of the puzzle designer,

and the widespread knowledge

of the rock-paper-scissors
wrap-around opening gambit,

one must conclude that the first switch
will, ironically,

always be the active one.

Your reasoning is incorrect.

Any other ideas?

- A very long dental mirror.
- No.

Three spools of twine
and a personal dirigible.

- No.
- Flip it and flip it and flip it?

I'm sorry, no.

A small trained dog
with a photovoltaic vest.

Interesting approach, but, no.

Yes... Reynard?

It's Reynie.

I think what I would do
is flip the first switch.

REYNIE: Then wait ten minutes.

(clock ticking)

Then I'd turn it off
and flip the second switch.

Then I'd check upstairs.

If the light is on,
then it's the second switch.

If the light is off...

then I'd touch the bulb.

If it's hot,
then the first switch is the one.

And if it's cold...

then it's the third switch.

Very nice, Reynie. Well reasoned.

Yes, that's great. Love Reynie.

But that's a lot of work
when it's obviously the second switch.

Why do you say that?

Any competent builder
would place the light switch

one and a half inches out
from the king stud of the doorjamb.

And that would be the second switch.

The other two are clearly dummy switches.

I think the focus is less in construction
and more...

I highly doubt that a school such as this

would contract
with a less-than-competent-builder.

I think you're missing the point.

- Is it the second switch?
- Ms. Wetherall...

Is it the second switch?

(sighs)

Yes.

- (door opens)
- DR. L.D. CURTAIN: Wow.

Wow.

Wonderful. Wonderful.

(Dr. L.D. Curtain laughs)

That's some insight right there.
Such creativity. Gracious.

Welcome, new students.

I'm your headmaster, Dr. L.D. Curtain.

(suspenseful music)

I tell you...

These two...

these two are ones to watch.

(closing theme music)