02x02 - A Bit of Light Chop

[bunniefuu]

RHONDA: This was supposed
to be a joyous occasion.

Okay, we're back.

RHONDA: Mr. Benedict
and Number Two are missing.

BENEDICT: No one is safe
with my brother as some guru.

I know that you'll be elated.

REYNIE: He made us a set of clues
to lead us to where he is.

- "Take the shortcut".
- REYNIE: It's a ship.

It's very rare to have
tickets left for pickup.

REYNIE: They told us we're
capable of doing anything.

KATE: We had to take matters
into our own hands.

We'll be careful.

REYNIE: We're the
Mysterious Benedict Society,

so let's go after them.

(CLASSICAL MUSIC)

STICKY: Eighty-one thousand,
nine hundred sixty tons

of steel and elegance.

How much does elegance weigh, George?
What percentage of tonnage?

Our first chance to be
on a flagship vessel

and we'll probably be
enjoying it from the brig.

Boat jail. Let's avoid.

Yeah. We need to lie low, blend in.

We're stowaways.

There's nothing more despise
than stowaways.

Come on. Ever heard of pirates?

Pirates are just doing their job.

The best way to avoid boat jail
is not to stand on the deck,

talking about the morality of pirates.

We need to find the next clue.

It'll tell us where to go
when we get to Lisbon.

We need to find our room.

Mr. Benedict thought we'd be in that

stateroom with Rhonda and Milligan,

so the clue has to be there.

And the room will be vacant, right?
Because it was reserved.

(ALARM WHISTLES)

CAPTAIN NOLAND:
Good day and welcome aboard.

This is Captain Noland.

Please report to your
designated evacuation areas

for our mandatory muster drill.

Fear is best bested when bested as one.

No way. I don't like drills.
Let's just go for the clue.

Agree. In emergency,
women and children first.

Question, advantage? We'll be fine.

Captain said it's mandatory.
We want to be the only ones not there?

Also, do you have any idea
how quickly , ton sinks?

Elegance doesn't float either.

CAPTAIN NOLAND: We nonetheless
stand ready to face them.

Beware, rogue waves are very real.

White squalls are fast-acting
and unpredictable foe, mines.

Well, there are no current belligerence.

These relics of man's folly
still bout the seas,

ready to sting us from a darker past.

Piracy is, of course,
still a great scourge.

You may consider yourself
perfectly safe for mutiny

on this harmonious craft.

That's sad.

I've always wanted
to live through a mutiny.

There are a lot of pirates
in these parts or mines?

Excuse me, sir.

I'm Executive Officer Zhao
but my nom d'océan is Cannonball.

Cool nickname. How did you get it?

I have neither the time nor inclination
to relay that anecdote.

Because I think nicknames
can be an important part of a...

My charge is your safety.

Please be prepared to move along.

- This guy is gonna be an issue.
- Yeah.

We need to get out of his sight
and into that stateroom.

Which is where?

First, we have to figure out a profile.

Who we're meant to be, if questioned.

- Child ghosts.
- Maybe a school group.

Wish we had matching tracksuits
like the cricket squad over there.

Must be headed to the Dunsborough Cup.

Their warm-ups, say
"water polo", actually.

Oh, yeah. Big-time crew.

- Continue.
- How do we find the clue?

The ticket agent was handing out
room keys from the wall behind her.

One of those keys still hanging
was supposed to be ours.

I couldn't make out their numbers,

but if each row was a deck
and each row have hooks,

these are the room numbers
for staterooms still unassigned

at the time we tried to check in.

Just rooms, not bad.

CAPTAIN NOLAND:
Thank you for your attention.

That completes the muster
as we travel at a steady knots.

Split up and move it. I'm hungry.

CAPTAIN NOLAND:
Shortcut's both the fastest

and most luxurious ship
on the seven seas.

Precisely on time.

And prepare to dock in Lisbon
in a spectacular hours.

This has been the captain. Good day.

(WHISTLES)

Permission to speak freely.

Always, Cannonball.
You and I are beyond formality.

No, thank you, Captain.
I strongly request formality.

Granted. What's on your mind?

Based on my life jacket count,

there are four extra passengers
onboard the Shortcut.

What are you saying? That we have...

Stowaways.

Stowaways.

The cardinal maritime sin on my ship.

Is there any chance of a miscalculation?

Permission to speak frankly
and without hesitation.

Oh, I know there's no miscalculation.

You are the human embodiment
of accuracy and integrity.

That's correct.

Thank you, Captain.

My job is already in jeopardy.
I feel the walls closing in on me.

If this is discovered, your career
might survive, but not mine.

We need to find those stowaways.

I need to see them walking the plank.

Captain, that is no longer legal.

Nor was it ever ethical.

Metaphorically.

No rest until they're in custody.

Make an example of them.

(THEME MUSIC)

Elated?

Yes, you heard me correctly.

You think I'll be elated
to hear you continue to claim

you ended The Emergency?

A global crisis you are wholly
responsible for creating?

Drop this ridiculous facade
and offer the truth now.

- No, it's not a facade.
- Oh.

I believe the instigator
of a moment of change

can come from an unexpected direction.

You see, by instigating The Emergency...

I also...

solved it.

What are you talking about?

You're delusional and your
demonstration is meaningless.

To the point of obfuscation.

I rather liked it.

Well, what does the blueberry represent?

Yes. What does it represent? This is...

I need a moment. Just a moment.

- I'm just overwhelmed.
- Are you okay?

- I'm fine.
- Just breathe.

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

You are no hero, sir.

And you are no mere associate.
You're the fabled Number Two.

I am, yes.

Brilliant thinker, intuitive woodworker.

This changes nothing. Given
that you've kidnapped us.

Kidnapped? No.

A word like that just
fuels the cycle of anger.

Oh, it's so potent. It just
erases all subtlety and nuance.

Well, there is nothing particularly
nuanced about this situation.

Think of it as an opportunity.
Please, sit down. Have some tea.

I don't want your tea.

I understand.

(BELL DINGS)

Would you please show
our special guests to their rooms,

so they can get settled in?

Your brother. This is a
special honor. Indeed.

- Thank you for your trust.
- Oh, we don't trust you.

- We'll earn it.
- Every day in every way.

- Right this way.
- Right this way.

(SIGHS)

(GRUNTS)

I want you to get out of here,
not go into the heart of it.

No, no, no. We need the full
picture, and then we escape.

(SIGHS)

(RATTLES)

Wait. I have a bad feeling.

Regular bad or psychic bad?

Just a feeling.

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

Is the part of you that knew
someone was in there,

the same part that took down
The Whisperer?

Same part of me that wonders, "Why
pick a lock when you can just knock?"

- What?
- Sorry, ma'am.

- STICKY: Wrong room.
- Sorry we disturbed you.

It'll be kind of fun
to share a room again, right?

Yeah. I'm not used to it anymore.
We all have singles at Boatwright.

No roommates?

Boatwright's all about personal space.

- You know, healthy distance.
- Distance is healthy?

You choose when to connect.

So this ability you may or may not have,

did you get it from
your biological parents?

(WAVES CRASHING)

(SIGHS)

What happened to them?

They were eaten by polar
bears and clowns.

- The sound was awful.
- You make it hard to try.

Bonding is needy. What's with the rope?

Speed check. I don't just
believe everything I'm told.

Spent last year learning that.

- Ha!
- "Ha", what?

We're only moving at knots,
not like Captain Noland said.

Stop right now!

Playing over this side of the ship
is highly dangerous.

We weren't playing. Speed check.

Fifty-eight knots, if you're wondering.

On the Shortcut, all minors
must be supervised by an adult.

Where are your parents?

- We're lost.
- Lost children?

Children.

(RATTLES)

Two lost children on the foredeck.

I repeat, two lost
children on the foredeck.

Roberta, there's Mom and Dad.

- Welcome to the Inverness.
- This is good.

We're scheduled to arrive in Lisbon
a good hours before the kids.

Good.

I checked the rest of it.

- Should I have brought more?
- It's not you.

It's him.

(APPLAUSE)

- Remarkable.
- Exhilarating.

- It's peculiar.
- Unnerving.

(SIGHS)

Shall we continue?

Or do you need a moment to process?

Oh, I would love to see where people
come and go as they please,

AKA the exit.

- Every exit is an entrance
- Every exit is an entrance

- if you think about it.
- if you think about it.

- I treasure you.
- And I you.

And of course, we are
a working lemon grove.

Meyer lemons.

- Tart.
- But not too tart.

Hello. (CHUCKLES)

JILLSON: Right this way.

Look, they're giving color
to their emotions.

So they're all feeling...

- Happy.
- Happy.

Who made you?

I'd like to think we make each other.

Who are these people?

Some are executives from
the Institute. Only the best.

Those most open to life and profundity,

others are devotees
from around the world,

hand-picked by Dr. Curtain.

JACKSON: Our community
has been thoughtfully curated.

Positivity is an absolute requirement.

- Hello, friends.
- Hello, Sebastian.

Sebastian is from Brazil.

- Brazil.
- Brazil.

He's one of the earliest adopters
of Dr. Curtain's philosophy.

It's all true. Brazil.
Adoption. All of it.

- Isn't it great?
- Yes.

(CHUCKLES)

- What's happening here?
- How is he inducing...

- His happiness.
- Is it an untraceable supplement?

Unclear, but it is remarkable
and most likely dangerous.

Welcome. Consider this yours.

Feel free to avail yourself
of all the opportunities here.

Or wait for an opportunity
to present itself.

Are you talking about the bathroom?

That's up to you.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Well, we can't stay here.

We have to get word
to Rhonda and Milligan.

And the children.

No doubt their worry
will soon lead to action.

I've seen enough.

Let's take the opportunity... to escape.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

Twenty-seven, twenty-eight,
twenty-nine, thirty.

I think he's got it.

Based on the distance
between these doors,

this stateroom is larger
than any others we've been to.

That would make sense since we
were all going to be staying together.

(LOCK RATTLES)

Wow, sweet room.

Okay. We should really
look for the clue.

- I'll look in the fruit basket.
- I'll check the bedroom.

Wow, a map of Oceania.

Guys, the clue. Anything?

- One of the books is inverted.
- KATE: What?

It pushes air, wow.

That can't be it.

(SIGHS)

The clue is up here. Turn off the fan.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Oh, I'm sorry. I think this is our room.

This is very uncomfortable.

They said the guests who booked
this suite never boarded.

We're on our honeymoon,
so they upgraded us.

Tom, why don't you quickly go talk
to that nice man, Cannonball?

- He'll clear this up.
- No. You stay. We'll go.

- Great. We're very tired.
- Wait.

Are you sure you want a room
with the ceiling fan?

A lot of people don't like those.

Everybody likes ceiling fans.

Well, if you can't make dessert,
serve them a cheese plate.

That's considered very classy.

Yes.

(SIGHS)

This ship is known
for its tower of pastries,

for its freshly cured gravlax.

- How can we have no sugar?
- It's an unforgivable oversight.

I assume you're here about the
stowaways, but you haven't found them.

I'm sorry, Captain.

I hear their laughter, Cannonball.

I hear those hyenas and their jokes.

You rupture just one supertanker
and it follows you forever.

Nobody mentions that the channel map
was out of date

- with a hundred-year fog.
- Um...

That sandbar was not
supposed to be there.

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

Good news.

I did return two minors
to their parents.

Curious thing,

one of them claimed that the ship's
not traveling at max speed.

No, our speed is fine.
The sugar is the disaster.

Add in the stowaways and
there's a perfect storm brewing.

I cannot lose this post, Cannonball.
I'm deeply in debt.

Regrettable, but...

I was trying to protect
your feelings earlier.

The XO is often unfairly scapegoated
in these scenarios.

We both need them found.

I will escalate this to Situation Alpha.

And list all crew.

REYNIE (SIGHS): We shouldn't
be out and about like this.

We're too exposed.

Like a baby gazelle undeveloped.

Exactly like that.

Guys, we handled Cannonball.
No one thinks we're the stowaways.

- Enjoy the raw bar.
- Kate's right.

We need to eat and that couple will too.

When they come here, we sneak back
into the room and get the clue.

Until then, blend in.

This is vulgar and decadent.

- Sticky.
- Hooves.

BOTH (IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE):
Amicitia vera illuminat!

Sticky , what's up?

Guys, this is Marcus Hoover.

We're in a few clubs together
at Boatwright.

Hm! Clubs.

- So, how are you doing, Hooves?
- Great.

Just doing a quick tour of Offshore
Wind Farms with my mom's.

- Who's this crew?
- Oh, right. Sorry.

This is Kate, and Reynie, and Constance.

We're on a scavenger hunt,
very science-based.

Collecting mineral deposits,
assessing water table levels.

That sounds awesome.
Right up your alley, .

- Okay, what's with the ?
- Sticky's so smart,

they're gonna name
the next element after him.

- There are currently elements and...
- We got it.

- This guy's a legend.
- No, you're a legend.

Oh, come meet my folks.
They love talking geology.

You feel too much.
It will get us k*lled.

You... process.

I can't let this opportunity
go to waste.

Evening, Kate Weatherall.

Played a bit of polo myself.
Loved the game.

Hm. We enjoy the game, too.

That is why we play it... for a living.

Cool. So, who's the goalie here?

Bauer.

Yes. That is the position I play.

I prevent goals from
being scored in our net.

Now that we've answered
your question satisfactorily,

We will get back to dinner... as a team.

So, Bauer, should I use my
lead hand or my trail hand

to get out of the water
more for high corners?

Lead hand. Always and forever.

BENEDICT: This is... nice.

Oh, my. Just one moment.

- Oh, that's easy.
- You know, even like a small amount

of beetroot powder
would increase blood flow

- to your muscles and maximize the...
- Please, stop harping on my fitness.

If not now, when?

(SIGHS DEEPLY) I'm sorry.

Just tell me we gotta get out of here.

Whatever your brother
brought us here for, it's not good.

I know. I just wish I knew how.

How is he making people this happy?

Endorphin boosters,
implanted microchips?

Nothing is beyond him. Nothing.

He's always been obsessed
with being liked. Obsessed.

I mean, perhaps he's mastered
the art of persuasion.

Or simply, it's his charisma that
got him here, but I don't think so.

I think it's something more... Hello.

- Hey, guys.
- Sebastian, yes?

- Indeed.
- Yes.

- Wow, you look so much like your brother.
- Oh.

- And almost as sweet.
- Well...

You must be so proud of him.

I'll tell you before I met Dr. Curtain,
I was living in São Paolo.

I was on the beach.

I had a great job, friends, money.
And yet, I was so deeply unhappy.

I couldn't figure it out.
Then I read the book.

- Watched the video.
- Oh, my.

(GIGGLES) And now,
I'm here. It's a miracle.

Are you all right?

Nothing some sunlight
and smiles cannot fix.

- Or sports massage?
- Love your humor.

Come, walk with me.
It's so beautiful out.

- Oh, we're on our own hike. I'm sorry.
- Yes.

Understood. I'm absolutely thrilled
our paths have crossed here.

- (IN SPANISH) Hasta luego.
- Hasta luego.

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

The brochure touted
your house-made pastries,

the jams, a compote bar.

- Was it all a lie?
- I apologize.

Global supply shortages always
impact the cruise industry first

and in this case...

It's really fascinating

because I'd always assumed
the trail hand gave more lift.

Total game changer.

Good evening, girls.

Good to see you again
in a less fraught situation,

back together with your...

- They're our brothers.
- We're their cousins.

(SIGHS)

We're a blended family.
We don't love labels.

Huh.

What wonderful parents you must have.
And where are they?

They ate some bad prawns.

He's got a smokey pyramid.
It's very adorable.

Bad prawns? How awful.

- Hello, good evening.
- Hi.

Yes. They were in distress.

We should actually go check on them.

WOMAN: Hi, good evening.

Let's hurry up.

That couple could be here any minute.

I'd say we have at least minutes.

Shortcut bucks.

Thirty-seven mean anything to you?

Of course. It's my favorite number.

You know, other people on the ship
actually respect me.

Guys, Mr. Benedict made this
specifically to be solved together.

We won't be able to solve it
if we're fighting.

We should respect human death.

"Look up to the stars.

Take wing to the sun".
Signed, "Mr. Benedict".

All of the chips have
a star on one side.

And they each have two numbers.

STICKY: Look up to the stars.

Look up to the stars. Look up...

It's a grid.

If we use the south wall and
the west wall as our X and Y axis,

we can plot our points using
the number pairs on the chips.

Like plotting a course on a map.

More like pre-algebra
graphing, but sure.

What's the first coordinate?

Five, ten.

There. What's the next one?

(ENGINE RUMBLES)

So much of the time it's just fun.

And then we're arguing.

Arguing about plunge routers,

or fixed base routers, taxonomy,
or orange juice.

I'm so confused.

It makes me think,
did Kate escape to find Benedict

or was part of her trying
to escape from me?

ANNOUNCER: Just a bit of light chop
for the next few minutes.

Make sure those seat belts are fastened.

I just thought that once we were
reunited, it would all be simple again.

- Well, it's not.
- It's hard.

It's hard.

(RUMBLING)

(THUNDERCLAPS)

(CRICKETS CREAK)

Oh, big fence.

Your faith in me is
inspiring, Number Two,

but I'm not an accomplished climber.

Just do what I do. Pretend
you're an angry howler monkey

and at the top of the fence
is the person who stole your jackfruit.

Both motivation, helpful.

- (ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)
- (GRUNTS)

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

The numbers are robust, sir.

We're blamed for target after target.
It's all happening.

Should I call S.Q. out
for the next stage?

No, S.Q.'s on a walkabout.
It's a journey of self-discovery.

We have to respect that.

All is good. We're on track.

- (DOOR BANGS OPEN)
- Electric fence?

You can leave us, Marlon.

Excellent.

An electric fence.

Oh, whatever happened to free will?

"Choose happiness.
Choose your own path".

It's a defensive fence.
We're protecting the vibe.

The vibe. Everything
about this place is a lie.

I've tried to reach you.

I've tried to acknowledge
my part in your pain,

- but all you can do is...
- Nicholas, I've moved on.

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

Listen to me.

You are holding on
to an outdated view of me.

That is the source of much unhappiness.

This sadness is a choice.

You're changing your cadence
and your frequency.

Sadness is so isolating.

Why not manifest something more healing?

Orchestrated movements.
Sequencing my rods and my cones.

Make a choice. Choose happiness.

No, I see what you're doing.

You're using neurobehavioral techniques

to trigger chemical
releases in the brain,

creating an elevation of mood.

It's brilliant, isn't it?

Brilliant? It's deplorable.

You're creating an artificial
state of happiness.

People seem to enjoy it.

It is a complete disconnection
from true emotion.

Who's actually gonna benefit
from all that except you?

(LAUGHS)

It's so disappointing
to see you turn to envy.

I'm not jealous.

I'm heartbroken.

You don't have to be.

You can be happy.

Goat yogurt and berries
for breakfast tomorrow.

You'll be teeming with flavonoids.

Perhaps that will open
you up to new ideas.

(SCOFFS)

(WHISTLING)

(CRICKETS CREAK)

Now, what?

Which one is the sun we fly to?

We're running out of time.

Zinc sulfide.

You're not the only scientist, George.

Cannonball, what do you know
about home equity lines of credit?

Nothing, sir, but I've
identified the stowaways.

Finally, something to celebrate.

Are they rotting in the brig?

I don't have them in custody yet,
but the hunt is on.

It's a constellation.

Sure, but which one?

"Take wing to the sun".
Is it a bird, a sunbird?

No. It's Apollo's bird.

Apollo was the god of the sun,
and his bird was Corvus.

That's the constellation for Corvus.

That's supposed to be a bird?

The Greeks were terrible artists.

Why would he show us Apollo's bird?
We're looking for a location.

Because the train station in Lisbon
is the Santa Apolonia,

which translates to Saint Apollo.

I'm a ferroequinologist. A railfan.
There's a lot of us.

I bet we use that key
at the train station.

Great job, guys.

And you can make fun of me,
but we did this together.

No one's gonna make fun of you.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

(CLOSING THEME MUSIC)

(ENGINE REVS)