34x06 - Treehouse of Horror XXXIII

[bunniefuu]

♪

Ah, what a long day.

What should we read tonight?

Good Night, Escaped Gorilla,

The Pookadook,

What Do You People Do All Day?

The Pookadook,

S'up, Moon?

The Pookadook?

Wait, how many
Pookadooks do we have?

Oh, I guess just one.

When did we get this book?

Whoop...

♪

Should we read this tonight?

"There's a nasty little
monster called the Pookadook.

"Only special people see it.

"People like you.

"Pookadook, Pookadook
feeds on your rage.

What happens next?
Just turn the page."

Hmm. I don't know, maybe we
shouldn't read this book.

Okay.

"How does he get in,
this mean Pookadook?

Why, you let him in
by reading this book."

(gasps) Oh...

It's okay, sweetie. It's okay.

Shush, shush,
shush, shush, shush.

Sleepy cheek, sleepy cheek.

Oh, mmm.

Oh, baby cheek. I
love baby cheek.

Oh.

(sighs)

(Homer snoring)

- (Maggie cries out over
baby monitor) - Maggie!

(screaming, crying)

Huh? I thought I put
that on the shelf.

(grunting) Bad book.

Oh, Maggie,

you aren't still scared of
that silly Pookadook, are you?

- Oh.
- (pounding on door)

Mm. Don't sh**t anything.
Those are new crayons.

Hmm. Hmm.

(gasps)

(gasps) "When Pookie
gets a hold of you,

"you'll change for the worse,

"eliminate those
nuisances... (gasps)

the littlest one first."

(groans)

"Now burn it all up
on Dad's barbecue.

That's exactly what Pookadook
hoped you would do"?

(gasps) Oh, no.

(coughs, gasps)

(chuckles evilly)

Oh.

Time to put the baby down.

(chuckling)

- (door opens) - Bart and
I are building a dojo.

Ooh, we could use that to
chop up the lawn furniture.

BART: I want to chop!

The family's getting in the way

of Maggie-Mommy time.

I'll make them sleep
with the fishes.

Sleep overnight at the aquarium.

Thanks for signing us up, Marge.

LISA: Too bad Maggie's not

old enough to go.

Maggie and I have
our own fun planned.

(Maggie whimpering)

Aw, you gonna miss Daddy?

(crying)

Cranky pants!

Give her to me.

(Homer humming cheerily)

Now it's just you and me.

(sinister laughter)

Huh?

Hmm. Oh, her thinks
her can get away.

Her is mistaken.

(electricity snaps off)

(lock rattling)

Oh, peekaboo,

I hear you.

(knocking on door)

Maggie, let Mommy in.

I know you're in there.

Young lady, open the
door this instant.

Let me in, you
little poop machine.

(deep, sinister
voice): Let me in!

(panting)

Is that all you got?

Missed me.

- Whoa.
- (thuds)

(Marge panting)

(deep grunting)

(evil laughter)

(sinister voice):
Not gonna work.

Look what else my
loving family got me

for my birthday.

A vacuum that
cleans the outside.

I guess cleaning the
inside wasn't enough.

No fun for Mom.

(sawing sounds)

(grunts)

Baby's gonna fall.

Got you!

(gasps)

(voice lightens): Baby cheek.

Oh. (coughs)

(coughing)

(normal voice): Oh, Maggie,
I'm so sorry I got possessed

and almost chopped you
up into little pieces.

Oh, but I'm here now.

Mommy's here.

Stay back, you
overdressed hat demon.

I know you feed on my
repressed resentment

towards my family,

but I can swallow feelings

like a python
eating a baby goat.

(vacuum whirring)

Okay, it was actually
a good present.

HOMER: Marge, we're home.

The kids got sick
in the touch pool.

I put the barf
clothes on your purse.

- (groans)
- (Shop-Vac growls)

Ah. Oh.

(Maggie laughs)

- (Marge sighs happily)
- (growling)

LISA: Disgusting.

The human race is
cow farts away

from total extinction.

- And we deserve it.
- (gasps)

Huh?

"Any person whose name is
written in this Death Tome

will meet their
death and be dead."

What?

"You must specify how
the victim will die,

and you may not k*ll
the same way twice."

This is obviously
just a stupid prank.

But I never throw away a book.

- (gasps) - REPORTER (on
TV): Internet sensation Tofu,

the world's most
clicked-on cat...

BOTH: Aw.

Is being held
hostage by a gunman.

BOTH: Aah!

Wait, maybe I could
stop this guy.

No, that's never gonna work.

Well, even if it
doesn't, it'll feel good

to do some journaling.

Ha-ha, I'm totally gonna
get away with murd...

Oh! Oh, my heart!

Heart att*ck! And...

- death.
- (yowls)

- What?
- LISA: What?

Oh, my God, I k*lled a man.

A bad man. Which
actually makes me...

(gasps) a hero.

DEVILISH VOICE:
It's rare to find

- bloodthirsty vegetarians.
- (gasps)

- (thunder crashes)
- (cries out)

I am a Shinigami.

A god of death.

In my realm, I am called

Steve Johnson.

(evil laughter)

Wait, your name is Steve?

Well, when I was born eons ago,

Steve was a very exotic name.

I mean, there were,
like, three Necroblivias

in my nursery cave alone.

This must be your Death Tome.

I'm sorry, I-I kind of
k*lled somebody with it.

(nervous chuckle)

Oh, but now that you've
used it, it's yours.

I think you'll find that
m*rder is almost as addictive

as plastic surgery.

- Oh. Have you had...
- I haven't.

But I-I don't think there's
anything wrong with it.

- Mm.
- (nervous chuckle)

Don't worry, no one
else can see or hear me.

I was karaoke-ing
with my employer,

as is the salaryman's
obligation.

You're stinking
drunk. I'm so proud.

It's the part of my
job that I... do best.

What an ugly house.

Thank goodness this eyesore
will soon be submerged,

after my side
corporation Globo-Warm

melts the polar icecap.

But millions of
people will drown.

True, but I'll be
able to dock my yacht

outside my kitchen.

Hmph.

I have to k*ll Mr. Burns.

Wow, I thought you'd
struggle with that,

but you're like,
"Boom. Dead time!"

Well, I'm gonna give
him a very dignified

and humane m*rder.

The most peaceful way to go.

(snorts)

- (pained cry)
- (flesh sizzles on hibachi)

- Ooh, how is he still asleep?
- (Burns cries out)

Oops. (giggles)

Okay, that was much
crueler than planned,

but I saved the world.

Did you? Globo-Warm has
many dedicated employees

willing to carry
out Burns' dream

of drowning the Earth.

LISA: (sighs) Fine.

Wow, that is a big board.

I gotta come up with
a lot of ways to die.

Well, just have to be creative.

(chorale chanting
in foreign tongue)

(screams)

(screaming, grunts)

♪

(yelps)

Really? A toilet gator?

I was running out of ideas.

(yawns)

I'm going to bed now.

Oh, what about the second page?

Wha...?!

♪

(grunting)

(yells)

Oh, no. Ah!

(yawns)

And the last guy,
oh, I don't know.

Liquefied in a giant blender.

Already did that.

That was puréed.

It's a totally different
setting. (groans)

Hmm.

Police have determined
that the unexplained deaths

of Globo-Warm
executives were murders

committed by one
bloodthirsty super-k*ller.

What? Um, how could
they know that?

They know that thanks to
an anonymous detective

known only as L.

I'm not worried.

They'll never in a million
years figure out how I...

The super-k*ller
murders by writing names

on some kind of
supernatural book,

or perhaps tome.

What the wh... How?

Well, I know I'll sleep easier

once they catch
this super-k*ller.

Wait, I know. I'll k*ll L.

Oh, but I thought
you only k*lled

to save the planet.

k*lling L will only
save yourself from jail.

I don't have time to explain
why what I do is good and pure.

L, punched to death

by kangaroo.

(scoffs) It's not gonna work

unless you have his whole name.

(groans) How can I
find out L's name?

Wait a minute, I
recognize that L.

I know who you are.

It's not L, it's EL,

as in El Barto.

BART: Took you long enough.

How did you figure out how
I k*lled all those people?

I found out about
your stupid book

by reading an even
stupider book; your diary.

Your little m*rder spree
was a welcome break from,

"Janey is so mean to me."

I'm not a m*rder*r.
I'm justice

It was a justice spree.

I'm saving the world.

And I can't let you
stop me. I can't.

Lisa, you're actually
gonna k*ll me?

(gasps) Oh, my God.

I almost k*lled my own brother.

The Death Tome corrupted me.

The stain on my soul
will never be...

Oh, so now you're trying
to bore me to death?

(Lisa grunts)

- Crushed by...
- No. I'm sorry.

- space junk.
- (Shinigami laughing) - Don't!

(demonic laughter)

(pained groan)

No!

At last, I'm free.

- I... (crying out)
- (bones cracking)

Damn it, I'm a
freaking Shinigami.

(Lisa grunts)

Well, you are a god of death.

You could k*ll Janey.

Would that make you feel better?

LISA: No.

Maybe.

This is the snack holder,
where I can put my beverage,

or, if you will, cupcake.

Wow, Dad, you really
know your monorails.

(possums chittering)

(hissing)

Homer, there's a family
of possums in here.

- I call the big one Bitey.
- I call the big one Bitey.

- Ha!
- Yes!

(chuckles) We all
call him Bitey.

Dude, dude, what if Homer
was drunk during Monorail?

Yeah. Come here, dude.

- Mm, beer.
- (gagging)

Whoo-hoo! Boring.

Stupid sexy Flanders.
Why you little...

(grunting)

ANNOUNCER: "Marge
vs. the Monorail"

is experiencing
technical difficulties.

But there are plenty
of other classic

Simpsonsworld moments
playing out right now.

- Oh, let's get high and sh**t Mr. Burns.
- (laughs) Yeah!

- I am so smart...
- This Homer unit is stuck in a catchphrase loop.

He won't go into sleep mode.

Where's my burrito?!
Where's my burrito?!

- Where's my burrito?!
- Ugh, I'll do a hard reset.

I'm king of the
wor... (powers down)

Damn cloud!

(elephant trumpets)

So how was your date
with the guy in Props?

Oh, he's so arrogant.

Just 'cause he's in charge
of Sideshow Bob's rakes.

Okay, we get it.
There's a lot of rakes.

(gasps)

What the frosty chocolate
milkshakes is this place?

Ooh, slideys.

(gasps) Wh-Where am I?

What am I?

Aah! Where's my junk?

Whoa, whoa, he's
awake. (stammers)

Where's Marge?
Where's my family?

Uh, calm down, Mr. Simpson.

I know it feels
like you're a man,

but you are actually something

much, much more expensive:

intellectual property.

Look, we've got a bus full of
Australian superfans coming.

Let's just wipe his brain, okay?

Put that thing down, or else!

Look, Monorail Homer,
your programming

won't allow you to intentionally
hurt a human, okay?

So just be a good robot and
let us saw your skull open.

Oh. Okay. Here you go.

Ow! Ah, my bad!

Ooh, sorry, sorry.

Ugh.

(Homer gasps)

- (mechanical whir)
- Lisa,

we're not people, we're I.P.

(laughs) I pee.

You got to help me
find a way out of here.

I'd like to help,
Dad, but my diorama

on The Tell-Tale
Heart is due tomorrow.

(grunts) How can I
make you understand?

Oh, yeah, the thingy.

Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.

We're replicants in a
ridiculous theme park

for an ancient TV show
that stopped being good

after season .

(gasps) Do I even exist?

What is consciousness?

Okay, I can handle
being a machine.

I don't love it, but I can deal.

Look, honey, it's
never easy to find out

you're not actually alive,

but that's just part of life.

I know the love we feel is real.

So, we've got to wake up
the rest of the family

and get the hell out of here.

Now, help me pick out
the hottest Marge.

We can get out through
the main entrance,

but we'll have to make
it across the park

without being detected.

Should we wake up
a Grampa robot?

No time.

(all sputtering)

Okay, act like robots.

Catchphrases, everyone.

- Mmm... beer.
- Don't have a cow, man.

Um... dinner's ready?

Oi, Homer! There's
your hedge, mate.

Get your fat bum in that hedge.

SUPERFANS: Meme! Meme!

Meme!

(whimpers)

(Bart grunts)

I'm so sick of
that stupid hedge.

BOTH: Oi! Oi! Oi!
Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi!

BOTH: Oi...!

- (alarm blares)
- SECURITY: Danger.

-I'm gonna make it. I'm gonna make it.
-Human safety breach.

- Aah!
- Proceed to exits.

Security droids deployed.

We got to go. They're onto us.

(all gasp)

(chuckles) My cat's breath
smells like cat food.

That's nice, Ralph, but
we're sort of in a hurry.

(all gasp)

(all gasp, groan)

RALPHS: I
choo-choo-choose you...

to die.

If we want to escape with
our delusions of being alive,

we have to fight.

(echoing): Testing.

Eat T-shirts, you
lovable k*ll-bots.

(screams)

(gasps) There's too many.

There aren't enough T-shirts
in the world to save us.

Get in.

RALPHS: Whee! Whee! Whee!

Dying tickles.

♪ Canyonero ♪

LISA: Look out! Those
people are real!

So are we.

(screaming, shouting)

(grunts)

♪ Canyonero ♪

♪ Hyah, Canyonero! ♪

Well, we've driven for hours,

and no one followed us.

I think we're free.

Well, what do we do now?

Play out the scariest
scenario of all,

real life.

WAITRESS: What can
I get you, hon?

Whoa! Turn off the
headlights. You got big eyes.

Oh, the cheese got left out,
so it's a little sweaty,

but you'd never know.
Forget I said anything.

Take your time, take your time.

♪ Sweaty cheese, sweaty cheese ♪

♪ At the end of the day ♪

♪ You're still cheese ♪

♪ To me. ♪

All right.

♪

KODOS: Another "Treehouse
of Horror" in the books.

Get it?

KANG: I got what
little there was.

(Kang and Kodos shudder)

KODOS: What the hell? It's us.

That's too freaky.

- (Kang and Kodos screaming)
- (tentacle steps running away)

(spooky theme music playing)

♪

- (screaming)
- (organ music playing)