01x04 - Girlfriends

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Reboot". Aired: September 20, 2022 - current.
A dysfunctional cast must deal with their unresolved issues in today's fast-changing world.
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01x04 - Girlfriends

Post by bunniefuu »

I'm sorry if that woke you.

Oh no, what time is it?

Whoo! 7:30.

Oh, I wish I could stay in bed,

but I have like 30 cameos
to sh**t before work.

Uh, the worst.

Hey, last night was really fun.


I don't know if you could tell

but that was my first time
with a lesbian woman.

Okay, you don't need to say both,

and I don't really use labels.

Oh. Okay.


I'm glad you're so cool about this.
So chill.

The last time I got busy with a coworker,

Reed, it got weird.

Maybe because you
used the term "got busy."

What do people say now?


Oh yeah. I'm used to network television.

Look, don't worry.

It's not weird.

We're friends.


I love that.

It's been so long since I've
had a friend that was a woman.

My last one was technically my assistant,

but then she started charging my Amex.

Like I'm not gonna notice
a charge for a Bowflex.

Hey, if it's cool,
I'm gonna hop in the shower.

Okay. Yeah. No, totally. Um...

but, before you go in,

I'm just...

since it was my first time with a,

a lady,

did I do it right?

Bree, you slayed.

That means you were great!

♪ If you're having girl problems ♪

♪ I feel bad for you, son ♪

♪ I got 99 problems
and a b*tch ain't one ♪

- Oh, hello.
- Hello!

You're looking chipper.

- Oh, 'cause I feel chipper.
- Oh, new.

- Um, since I have you...
- Mh-mm.

About me calling you last night.

Oh, do we have to do that?

- No, absolutely we do not.
- Okay, good.

I just, I just don't want you to
get the wrong impression, okay.

I'm not harboring feelings for you.

I'm just missing Nora.

No worries. I am good.

So, you're Gatorade good?

Yes. Yes, I am.

'Cause I just remember
the only time you drank Gatorade

is after, you know, getting busy, so.

Just say f*cking.

Yeah, uh...

I didn't realize that
you were back out there.

Well, Timberly and I went
out to a hotspot last night.

It was really fun.

- You and Timberly.
- Mh-mm.

- That's weird.
- Why is it weird?

Last week you tried to destroy her.

I was being silly.
We're good friends now.

If you'll excuse me,
I have to go do 40 cameos.

You know, another interesting
thing about the Gatorade

is that...

Well, thank you again
for meeting with me.

Oh yeah, of course. I'm stoked.

None of the other executives
ever wanted to meet with me before.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I even invited them to
my eighth birthday party.

- Aw.
- Oh, it's okay.

They were probably just freaked out
about having to wear bathing suits.

How old were you

- when you first started working?
- Four.

I said "ouchie" in a Band-Aid commercial.

Pretty crazy working so young, huh?

Actually, I started a little
business when I was six.

Oh, cool. Like a lemonade stand?

I invented a glucose
monitor for my diabetic cat,

which was subsequently purchased

by a pharmaceutical company.


So we both started in the medical field.


So, besides Step Right Up,

do you have any other
projects in development

that you're excited about?

Actually, yes. Thank you for asking.

I'm currently developing
a batting cage in my backyard.



Ah, look at this.
A donut with bacon.

Who do you think's gonna
have a heart att*ck first,

me or my rabbi?

Remember when they first
put potato chips in a can?

You know what? I am tempted though.

That's actually a fonut.

It's gluten-free and the facon
is made with beans.

Okay. Why would you tell me that?

Hey, Reed, I'm confused.

Does the Cody character
live above the garage

or in the basement?

Nobody knows. It's a whole thing.

- Ugh.
- Oh, oh, Timberly.

- Yeah?
- I heard that you and Bree went out last night.

Sure did.

May I just say, brava.

Bree's been having a rough go of it
since the divorce.

Oh, I know. I was like, girl,

you think you can't get it,
but you can totally get it.

Uh, yes. And I understand she got it.

Uh, yeah. She got it.

Ah, well,
I'm very proud of her, you know?

Nice guy, I hope.


Not a nice guy?

It wasn't a guy.





You two. You two?

Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool.

Did I just blow your mind, boomer?

What, what?

No, girl. That don't phase me.


- Yeah?
- Mind if I steal you?

We're about to block the basement scene.

Is that where Cody lives?

Please don't ask me. I can't.

- I'm, uh, freaking out.
- About what?

Never mind, I don't care.

Last night I called Bree and she was

uncharacteristically dismissive.

Again, I could not care less
about this conversation.

She was having sex with Timberly.

Go on.

Bree's into women now?

Which, you know, which is cool.

It's all good. It's good in the hood.

Ain't no thing.

You really need to hang out
with more Black people.

That's fair. I'm just stunned.

This is so not like Bree.

- But it is very Timberly.
- What do you mean?

They used to call her "Sin-berly"
on f*ck Buddy Mountain.

Men, women, that chick is
up and down for anything.

Wait, are you watching
that stupid reality show?

Well you can't imagine
how badass these women are.

Like when Tawny crashed her snowmobile

and had to walk three miles
in high heels and a teddy,

only to find Kim in bed with Brody,

who I knew was trouble.

Guys, we're way behind.

And you know how cranky Jerry gets
when he's not home by 2:00 PM.

Okay. All right.
Okay. Let's go!

Hey, don't tell anyone.

We're on a TV set.

You think Bree scissoring Timberly
isn't going to get around?


Wait, wait. I'm confused.
What is scissoring?

It's when two women spread their legs,

a la scissors, and I don't wanna be crass,

but they rub their pussies together.

- Okay.
- This from a woman who was

just showing us pictures of her grandson.

- You can't put me in a box.
- Not for another year or so.

Where were these jokes yesterday?

Instead of the 50 pitches on oat milk.

For the record, scissoring is bullshit.

It is a fantasy of lesbian sex

that exists primarily in p*rn
made for hetero men.

Why do you have to ruin everything?

Why am I having such a hard time
picturing this scissors thing?

The whole thing is quite
simple, actually, okay?

You have two women,
in this case are Bree and Timberly,

and they lie up on a bed
or perhaps a beach towel

with their legs spread akimbo.

And then they gingerly
press each other's loins together...

Oh god, why does Alan
get to say things like that,

but I get yelled at
for ordering two soups?

Yeah. Let's, let's get back to work.

Yeah, yeah. But right after
Alan tells the story about

the time he got the blow job
from Paul Lynde in his Hollywood square.

- Shut up.
- It was the '70s.

I had taken a Quaalude.

Oh my God, Paul Lynde is a daddy.

What was he like?

The man had a jaw like a python.

Okay. Let's just stop
prying into each other's sex lives.

That's half the reason I come to work.

How about you, two soups?

Who you bringing the clam chowder home to?

Two soups.
Is that my nickname now?

Hannah looks uncomfortable.
Let's talk about her.

No, we're not gonna do that.

You know what? Hannah's right.

Let's get serious. We got at least

three pages to cut out of this script.

And what do we use to cut things.


Came up again naturally.

Yep I'll tell you a story.

Goldie Hawn,
this is before she was famous.

Ugh, not the Goldie Hawn story.

I got all sorts of crazy stories.

One of my fellow jurors on
12 Angry Boys faked a seizure

so he could get to his
sister's bowling party.

People in Hollywood

are so much more dramatic
than I'm used to.

In Silicon Valley, a coder is
considered high maintenance

if they ask for a standing desk.

I want one.

I've only ever used a sitting desk.

Well, this has been fun,

but I gotta get back to the office.

You're not gonna come hang out on set
before the run-through?

No, I have to read an outline
and try to get through these emails.

Your job doesn't sound as fun as mine.

Have you ever seen any of
the cool things on the lot?

Come on. I'm giving you a tour.

No, no, no.
I gotta get back to the office.

- But your phone's going on a tour.
- Hey!

Oh, Whitney, come on.
You're a member of the family now.

You can ask me for anything,

except for my red Valentino's.

I'm getting buried in those.

The only thing I want
is to be your friend.

Come here.

Ooh. I'm liking in this scene today

way more than I did yesterday.

A very nice tender moment.

Bygones are now bygones.

And we're out.

Hey, so Jerry, would Bree's buried line

be funnier if I made a joke
about wanting the Valentino's?

- Ooh!
- Bree got a laugh on it.

I think she'd get a bigger one.
Let's do it.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Okay. Let's go again.

I don't give a shit.

Did you see that?

Since when is Bree giving away jokes?

It's just like what happened on
f*ck Buddy Mountain.

What are you talking about?

There was this super sweet girl,
Sarah R,

who you just couldn't help but love.

But Timberly saw her as a thr*at.

So, what does she do?
She seduces her.

And Sarah R being the naive Iowa farm girl

let her guard down and then bam.

Bam. What do you mean, bam?

She gave Timberly her immunity thong.

- Her immunity thong?
- Yeah.

And then the naked council
sent her into sex-ile.

- Into sex-ile?
- Yes.

You don't think that's why
Timberly had sex with Bree?

I don't know, but I'm
on the edge of my seat.

Oh, they're hugging again.

And that's it, we're out.

- Bye-bye.
- See you, Jer.

It was funnier, right?

- Much better. Funnier.
- Oh, fantastic.

- It's funny.
- Mm-hm.


Should we keep pitching on the tag

or start to blue sky the next episode?


You okay?

Yeah. I, um...

There's all that sex talk in there,

and we were laughing, and then it h*t me.

- My dad doesn't know.
- Doesn't know what?

He clearly knows a lot
more about sex than Bob.

No, he doesn't know about me.

You know, that...
that I'm a lesbian.

No one says lesbian anymore,
Billie Jean King.

Anyway, I just, I don't know.

I feel like I have to
come out all over again.

And it's like I thought
I was done with this shit.

I'm, you know, 30-ish years old.

That ish is doing a lot of work.

Hmm. At least my bones are strong

from having grown up
drinking real f*cking milk.

I don't understand.
Why didn't you just come out to him?

It's not like he was around
when I came out to my mom.

And I wasn't gonna knock
on his door and be like,

"Happy Thanksgiving.
Hope you're having fun

"with the family you left me for.

By the way, I like sex with women."

Why don't you just do it now?
Get it over with.

You're right. You're right.

Thank you.

I don't why I'm so nervous about this.

Although, is it
inappropriate to do at work?

Oh, did you not just attend scissorfest?


Hey, um, you busy?

Huh? I got a hankering for something.

I don't know what it is, but something.

Yeah. Yeah. Mind if I talk
to you for a second?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure.

So today it occurred to me that you...

Oh, my God. When was the last time
anybody cleaned out this place?

Look at that, Sanka.

Yeah. You know what?

Uh, never mind. Sorry.

Hey, anybody know if Sanka expires?

Would old Sanka be stronger?


The costume shop.

There's so much awesome stuff in here.

This is amazing.

Oh, this is my favorite aisle.

Check it out.

This is the armor that Russell Crowe
wore in "Gladiator."

- Really?
- Maybe. Who knows.

Wanna try something on?


As amazing as I'd look
in a beekeeper outfit,

I think we should get
back for run-through.

We have plenty of time.

No, I really do not feel comfortable...

That's pretty...

I feel ridiculous.


You look amazing.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Do a British accent.

Oh no, I do not do that.

Don't be such a fish and chip, gov'nor.


I'm off to have tea with a... a queen?

Okay. So we did that.

Now let's just go back to
being Americans having fun.


I like your outfit...

but it needs something.


- Oh no.
- And now... you're a fairy.

Are you sure we're allowed to do this?

- Of course.
- Okay.

You're a big-sh*t exec,

you can do whatever you want.
Hey, who the f*ck is in here?

- Run.
- Oh.

That was so sick.

Ooh, come on, grab a bike.

I can't go riding around the lot
dressed like this.

Sure you can. Everyone will think
we're doing a show.

Ah, okay.

But the bikes aren't ours.

That's what's so great.
They're all over the lot.

Anyone can take them.

I can't believe we're doing this.

You got this.
It's just like riding a bike.

Where the hell is my bike?

Come on, man.

Bree, we would like to
talk to you about Timberly.

What about Timberly?

Well, we know that
she is the one with whom

you had sex last night.

I'm not giving you any details.

- That is not why we're here.
- Although...

We are here as friends.

First of all, if you are a lesbian,

we are here to support you.

- That's just wonderful.
- I'm not a lesbian.

I'm sexually fluent.

I think you mean fluid.

I don't believe in labels.


can you please tell Bree
about "Sin-berly"?


It was episode eight
of f*ck Buddy Mountain,

- "Cucks Versus Sluts."
- "Cucks Versus Sluts."

And Timberly's alliance
was really falling apart.

- Falling apart, into shreds.
- Oh, wait,

I should go back and tell you about

when the Conway sister showed up.

No, no, no.
The point is, ahem,

we suspect Timberly sees you as a thr*at,

and is using sex to neutralize you

like she did on the show.

What are you talking about?

last week you sabotaged her

and now you're giving her your jokes.

Timberly and I are friends.

She is a reality star.

She didn't come here to make friends.

My God, but it seemed so real.

Do you think that she was
manipulating me this whole time?

I don't know for sure,

but maybe some of those
details would help.

Get out.

- What is this place?
- Come on. You're gonna love this.

- Wow, this is amazing.
- Right?

I've loved orchestras ever since
I played a kid conductor.

Mini Maestro.

You were great in that.

You know, to prepare for that role,
I watched a bunch of clips of Amadeus.

Can I help you?

Oh, it's okay.
I'm an actor.

You guys sound great. Keep going.

You think I slept with you
to somehow get ahead?

That is what Clay and Reed said
that you did on the reality show.

Everything on that show was scripted.

- The producers told us what to do.
- Really?

Bree! It's reality TV. It's all fake.

I didn't know that.

They should put disclaimers on these shows

because this kind of mix-up must happen...

- I sound like an idiot.
- You really do.

I mean, do I seem like the type of person

that would ride around
on a snowmobile topless?

Sort of.

♪ We are young ♪

♪ We run green ♪

♪ Keep our teeth nice and clean ♪

♪ See our friends, see the sights ♪

♪ Feel alright ♪

♪ We wake up, we go out ♪

♪ Smoke a f*g, put it out ♪

That was insane.

- Wanna see a giant spaceship?
- Seriously, there's a giant spaceship?


Daniel. Hello.

Having fun?

Yes. No.

Zack was just showing me around the lot.

Zack Jackson, this is
Daniel Silva, my boss.

- Ouchie.
- Hello, Zack.

It's great having you back on the show.

Great to be back, Dan the man.

I'm so embarrassed right now.

I don't usually...

Obviously this is not
how I typically dress.

I am so sorry.

I'm just glad to see you
out having a little fun.

You work so much,

you were starting to freak
the whole team out.

- Oh.
- I guess it's true.

Every time we cancel a show,

a junior executive gets their wings.

I can't believe that just happened.

See, it's TV. Things always work out.

♪ Feel alright ♪

Really, Bob? Sunscreen?

It's a 40-second walk to the stage.

My father had a melanoma.

I can't risk it.

Janae, honey, can you get my neck?

[ I'm not touching your skin, Bob.
I'd rather jerk off a hobo.

Oh my God, I'm spending way
too much time with you people.

Look, Alan, isn't that the stage
where we sh*t Bosom Buddies?

- Yeah, that was a fun show, huh?
- Yeah.

Remember how we used to do coke
in the writer's room?

What the hell happened to this business?

You openly did cocaine at work?

Oh yeah, we used to
send the PA to pick it up.

I wonder whatever happened to him.

I think he's running Columbia TriStar.

So, how'd it go with your dad?

I didn't tell him. Don't shame me.

Honey, you are a fierce,
grown-ass woman.

What the hell is happening?

Why, why do I need to be the one
that keeps sharing shit?

Huh? I don't have anything to prove.

I don't have to impress him.

Why do I have to come out?

He should be the one to come in.

Okay. Now you're spiraling, boo.

Oh my God. Stop lecturing me.
You haven't come out to your dad.

Okay. It's hardly the same thing.

Your dad's friend got
a blow job from Paul Lynde.

Back in our town,
my dad tried to ban dancing.


And we're back.

Woo-woo! That was awesome.

Oh, thanks for making
my first actor meeting so easy.

Same. First business meeting.

You're really fun.

Did you just call me fun?

I don't think I've ever
been called fun before.

Well, you definitely are, milady.

Oh, why thank you, my lord.

Hey, that's my f*cking bike.

Oh, it's okay. I'm an actor.

Nah, I'ma tase your ass.


Whatever happened to Bugles?

We used to have bowls of them.

Hey. Hi, um...

You old enough to remember Bugles?

Yeah, you put them on like witch nails.

Yes! Can we get some of those, please?

Anyway, um...

Have you ever seen the movie Footloose?

That the one with the girl
dancing in the Catskills.

Hates Jerry Orbach?

No, that's Dirty Dancing.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Never cared for that one.

A little too Jew-y.

Okay. Just forget I brought that up.

That's not what I wanted to say.
What I wanted to say...

Okay, everyone,
time for run-through.

All right. Thank you, Dennis.

- Yeah.
- This movie talk, can we,

do we have to do it now,
or can wait till after?

Just forget...
Forget it. Not important.

- Forget it.
- All right.

- Carrot, got a carrot.
- Okay.

f*ck' Dennis.

- Yes, we're still seeing that bullshit.
- Hey!

- Hey!
- Are you two...

- What, darling?
- You made me look

- like an idiot.
- The f*ck we do?

You got in my head.

So, like an idiot,
I go and I accuse Timberly

of all the things that you said
that she did on her reality show.

And, guess what?

- What?
- Yeah.

Every major plot point.

- No way.
- Yeah.

She brought out the outline

of the episode where
she sleeps with Sarah R,

and then she showed me pictures
of her at Sarah R's wedding.

- Shut the f*ck up.
- I will not.

- The honey trampoline?
- That is fake.

Timberly and the snowmobile?

- Fake.
- Kim banging Brody?

- Fake.
- The beaver hunt.


I feel so manipulated.

How do you think I feel? You idiots.

Okay, here we go.
And action.

That's my cue.

Hey, Cody.

Hello, Whitney.

Hey guys.
Can I ask you a question?

Sure, buddy. sh**t.

My boss at work is
really getting on my case,

and I'm not sure what to do.

- What's his name?
- Janet.


I was just trying to make sure
no one was taking advantage of you.

You can't do this shit anymore.

We're not a couple.

You're not my protector.

You're right. I'm sorry.

It's, it's just hard for me
to not care about you.

I'm a different person
than I was 15 years ago.

I've been through a lot.

And it's made me stronger.

And for the first time in my life,

I am taking care of myself
without anyone's help,

even if it means that I fall on my face.

But I am not going to,
because I am focused,

I am on top of things...

Bree, you missed your cue.

Shit. This is your fault.

I'm sorry, Jer! I'm sorry!

I didn't hear it.

I didn't hear you.

Should I back it up
or should I just come out?

- What?
- Do you want me to come out now?

Just come out.

Okay. Fine. I'm a lesbian.

I'm sorry. I'm a...

I should have said this earlier. And...

Look, I have no idea
why this has been so hard for me to do,

because I spent my entire life
not needing your approval,

and I still don't need your approval.


But you're my...
you're my parent.

So you should know.

And I want you to know.


I know.

- Wait, you do.
- Yes.

I mean, ever since you were little.

I didn't know, but I knew.

Plus, dummy, when your film came out,

you went on all those interviews

called yourself a q*eer filmmaker.

Wait, you read, like,
the press and interviews?


What? I can't be proud from a distance?


I was also gay last night.

That's right.

I'm a sexual fluid

and there is nothing wrong with that.

♪ Oh, yes, it's Ladies' Night ♪

♪ And the feeling's right ♪

♪ Oh, yes, it's Ladies' Night ♪

- Oh, what a night ♪
- ♪ O h, what a night ♪

♪ Oh, yes, it's Ladies' Night
and the feeling's right ♪

♪ Oh, yes, it's Ladies' Night,
oh, what a night ♪


- ♪ Girls, y'all got the one ♪
- ♪ One! ♪

♪ A night that's special everywhere ♪

♪ From New York to Hollywood ♪

♪ It's Ladies' Night ♪
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