09x04 - A Surprise Engagement: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music]

How do you think we are
as far as, like, staff members here?

I think we need an assistant manager.

-[Kourtney] Like, a new person? Yeah.
-[Dakota] A new person.

-[Kourtney] Yeah.
-[Khloé] Oh, my God. I am sweating

-[Khloé] like there's no tomorrow.
-[Kourtney] Oh, my gosh.

-This is, like, insane.
-[screams]

-[Kourtney] Khloé.
-Oh, no.

-[Kourtney] Oh, my gosh.
-Ow.

-And that's my hair.
-[Kourtney] How are we gonna get that out?

-[Khloé yelps]
-[laughs]

[Kourtney chuckles]
That's funny. There we go.

Ow…

[Kourtney] All right, good. Thank you.

Kourtney, your boob is so much bigger
than the other one.

-[Kourtney] What am I supposed to do?
-Stop breastfeeding.

I'm not gonna stop
just because of, like, vanity.

-When are you going to stop?
-[Kourtney] No plan.

So you're gonna breastfeed
until, like, your kid's, like, five?

-Mm-hm.
-Stop.

[Khloé] Hold on.
I wanna show you something.

I need my iPhone for this one.

Here.

[reporter] Samantha Roberts breastfed
her eldest daughter Charlotte

until she was five.

And is still breastfeeding Elizabeth
at nearly eight.

That's… I can't watch this.

It's cute.

Are you… mental?

[Khloé] The kid is in fifth grade.

[girl] It's better than anything
in the world. Better than a mango.

"Better than a mango"?
Is that what she said?

[reporter] And Elizabeth
is still breastfeeding at seven.

That is so cute to me.

This is so weird.

I think it's sweet.

If the kid could say,

"Yo, Mom, pull out your [bleep]
Let me suck on it," that's ridiculous.

[upbeat music]

[Jonathan] Where's your room here?

-[Jonathan] I always forget in this house.
-[Kim] Over here.

Okay, I got all the magazine covers
from the week I gave birth.

I was so huge.

You were a walking water balloon.

[chuckles]
I was.

You were like this, like,
walking out of the car.

I was seriously, like, one huge egg.

-Like an egg timer.
-[Kim] Yeah.

[Jonathan] But you look good.

You're nothing like you were
when you were pregnant.

I mean, you shed, what,
like, 40 pounds already?

So far 40.

Yeah, but now you have
that cute little bundle of joy.

The cutest baby, literally, ever.

She is so cute.

[Kim] I thought it would be so hard

to step out of the spotlight
for a little bit and just be a mom,

but I'm just really enjoying
being at home with my baby

and not worried about,
you know, really anything else.

[Kim] My priorities
have definitely shifted,

and I'm kind of enjoying my new lifestyle.

Her passport is so cute.

Is she just like with those eyes?

-Didn't I send you the photo?
-No. I don't know. Not the passport one.

Wait, I never showed you? Really?

You sent me, like, five and the videos.

[Kim] You have to see.

[Jonathan] Oh, my God,
those cheeks. She's amazing.

[upbeat music]

[Kris] So, wait, those drawers,
I can't utilize anymore?

[Kim] Just not to get confused.
All of this is mine.

These are all empty boxes for when
I do have to pack that up eventually.

My sunglasses, sunglasses, all my things.

Oh, and this one has a lock on it.

-[Kris] Well, who's got the key?
-[Kim] I do.

Why would you have the key to my diamonds?

First, let's start out by saying
this is my closet and that was my drawer.

[Kim] And then these, I didn't really line
them. I just took these from my old house.

I love that Kim and Kanye
are living at the house with the baby,

but I don't think it's my house anymore.

They've kind of… made it into
the Kim, Kanye, and North house.

Yay.

[Kim] It's kind of weird when you sit and
talk to yourself, like, if I'm not there.

[Kris sighs deeply]

I just don't even have words.

[Kim] You love it.

[upbeat music]

[Kourtney] That's not for you.
You have to eat your lunch.

You know what I realized?
You are a wallpaper addict.

We should make Addicts Anonymous
for wallpaper… for patterns.

In that bathroom, there's the pattern
with the leaf things, with the mirror…

and just so much going on.

But it's so good.

It's your taste.

-Yeah.
-[Kim] Yeah.

You're gonna feel so zenned out
when you come to my new house.

It's gonna be hard to sell this house.

Like, you know how, like,
you look at homes and you're like,

"What were they thinking?"

-Mm…
-What?

I'm just thinking of Kim
and her life of judgmental-ness.

-Me and my judgmental-ness?
-Mm-hm.

You know, just something's not your way…

-No, I said I love it.
-…you can't like it for what it is…

-No, I like it.
-…and embrace it.

[Kourtney] In our family, we are all
brutally honest with each other

and tell each other
if we don't like something.

But, lately, Kim has just been
a little bit annoying.

You guys, we need to have an intervention
with Bruce and his ponytail.

-[Scott] Wait…
-[Khloé] Crochet is in.

It is, but, like, your look just isn't.

What is this outfit? I'm, like, mortified.

[Scott] Would you go in public
with her wearing that?

No.

Maybe she's going
a little stir-crazy or she's hormonal.

I don't know what's going on,

but she's just picking
on every little thing.

-Did you redo your brows?
-Yeah, little bit.

Yeah, thank God.

-[chuckles]
-They were like wildebeests.

[upbeat music]

-[Khloé] Hey, Lamar.
-[Lamar] What's up?

[Khloé] Where are you?
Are you at the loft?

[Lamar] No, I went down
to the beach. Redondo Beach.

-You're in Redondo Beach?
-[Lamar] Yeah.

Okay. Where are you going?

[Lamar] I'm going to the east coast.

You and I are technically,
like, still married,

and I think we need to just talk about,
like, your leaving town.

I think we need to just talk
about that whole aspect.

Do you mind if I call you
in one or two hours?

I'm looking at Dash office spaces
with Kourt.

-[Lamar] I'll be right here.
-Okay.

[Khloé] He is not allowed to leave town.

I have to ask Bob,
and that's why I have to, like, stall him.

Oh.

Well, let's talk about something positive.

I told you about our trip
to Paris in January.

Mm-hmm.

And then Scott's like,

"You wanna plan a trip with Khloé,
but you won't plan one with me?"

And I was like,

-[Kourtney] "You're coming."
-Oh, Khloé's the hot commodity.

I was like, "We're all going."

"It's with Khloé and you."
I'm the third wheel.

-Yeah.
-I love it.

[Khloé] Being the third wheel
is, like, the new black.

[upbeat music]

[Kourtney inhales]
Do you like this one?

[Khloé] Why do my legs shake more?

[chuckles]

Kind of off a little bit.

-[doorbell rings]
-[Khloé coughs]

-[Kourtney] Tomer.
-Hey, how are you?

-[Kourtney] Hi.
-Tomer, you're so dapper right now.

Are you guys ready
to look at some, uh, office space?

[Kim] Oh, [bleep], where are you going?

-Do you like our outfits?
-Is it a club?

-We…
-[Kim] Oh, my God, I have those shoes.

-[Khloé] I do too!
-So does Khloé.

I have them in brown.
But I took all those things off of them.

-I like the things.
-[Khloé] Oh, you're so fancy, Kim.

These jeans are my old jeans,
and this top is my old top,

and it's all starting to fit again.

[Khloé] You are so fancy.

-[Kourtney] That's exciting.
-Yeah.

-[coughs]
-[Tomer] How are you? Good to see you.

-[Kim] You too.
-[Khloé] Where do you wanna do this?

-[Kourtney] We could…
-We can sit in my nice room over there.

We can sit at the table.

[Khloé] That's your nice room now,
not Mom's?

[Kim] Well…

[Kris] Anybody need me,
I'll be in the gym.

Hey, Gabbana.

[Kris sighs]
Hey, Ken.

[Kendall] Who do you think you are?

You're dressed kind of like…
Khloé or something.

Didn't you get the memo?

This is what's going on
in my color palette world for the day.

-[Kendall] Why are you out here?
-[metal clanks]

I'm out here because
I'm trying to find something to do

where I can get a little fresh air
and take a deep breath because

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed.

Kim has been in my bathroom
all morning doing her makeup,

and now she's having a meeting
at the dining room table.

I can't even find a place
to have any privacy or talk on a phone.

There's one, two, three, four,
fix, six, seven, eight, nine,

maybe ten cars
in the driveway at all times.

I can't even get my cars out.
And I'm having a little anxiety att*ck.

Well, I'm sorry. I don't know what…
I can't feel bad for you.

You agreed to all this.

It was my mom's idea in the first place
to have Kim and Kanye stay in the house,

and she was so overjoyed.

And now, she's the one
that wants them out.

It's just ironic.

I just think it's funny
that you talked us into it,

and now you're the one that hates it.

Well, I don't hate it. It's just…

Who knew that somebody could have
that many strollers?

I mean…

I, I just… It's a lot.

I love you guys so much, but it's a lot.

There's things happening that…

It's like… I can't keep control
of the situation in my own house.

I don't even know
what's in my pantry anymore or…

Yeah, Kim is so annoying with that.
She takes out all the good food.

[Kris] Well, it's like…
I'm just so confused in my own house.

Nothing feels familiar.

And as much as I love everybody so much,
sometimes, you just need a break.

[Tomer] So, we're gonna look
at three properties today.

The first one's actually
getting reconfigured right now,

so the good thing is,
you guys would have an option

of kind of reconfiguring it
the way you want.

The second one we're gonna see
is this one.

You'd be on the second floor.
It's got three offices.

And then the third one we're gonna see
is actually right on Ventura.

It's close by here, and the whole building
is basically vacant now.

Okay, I'm not gonna go

-'cause I have to breastfeed,
-[Tomer] Yeah.

but the girls will go,
and I trust their opinion.

-Yeah.
-[Kim] All right.

Keep me posted.

Have fun at the club

-called office spaces.
-[chuckles]

[Khloé] I will.

[Kim] She literally looks like
she's going to a club.

And you literally look like
you're so [bleep] annoying.

[Kim] Whatever, Khloé.

Just 'cause you're in a good color palette

doesn't mean you can judge others
for going to the club.

Kim has been very critical,
very judgmental.

She has an opinion about everything.

You're just jealous that
you can't be in a tight whore dress

like you used to be in Miami.

[Kim] Soon, my friend.

I've had one too many comments from Kim,

and it's driving me insane.

[upbeat music]

[Kourtney] What could be like
Flashback Friday

-but, like, Monday?
-It's a Monday.

-So what can I say?
-[Khloé] Memory Monday?

Memorial Monday? No, that's… I don't know.

'Member This Monday.

[all laugh]

Guess who Lamar's back with.

[Kourtney] Who?

Jaime. Jamie.

So that's why we haven't heard
from him at all?

Like, what's your plan?

I mean, I don't know what to do.
What am I supposed to do?

[Kim] I mean, you're gonna have to make
that decision on your own,

but do you want to stay married to someone
that you don't even know where they are?

I mean, for two years,
you've been living like this.

I mean, I don't.

Like, I wish I didn't have to end it.

Obviously, this is not
the life I wanna live,

but, like, it's really awkward
to do something so serious and say,

like, "I'm having a divorce,"
and he doesn't get it.

[Khloé] I will always love Lamar.

I wish we could live that perfect life
that we once had, but it's not that easy.

He just wants to run from his problems,

and I get frustrated 'cause I feel like

I've tried to put the pieces
back together all on my own.

But I can't just keep staying
in, like, this limbo.

Yeah.

Talk to a therapist.
It might just be good.

We're over the therapist, Kourtney.

[Khloé] Stop pushing this therapist on me.

[Kourtney] Do you wanna go
tomorrow at 4:30?

[Khloé] I'll rewind.

-I don't wanna meet with the therapist.
-[Kourtney] Or Wednesday at 5:00?

[Khloé] No.

-Look at me for a sec. Go like this.
-Mm-mm.

You should just do a little bonding
in between your teeth.

I knew you were gonna say that.

[Kim] I used to have that,
a little hole in between.

Just looks like a piece of pepper.

Kim is typically a very busy person,

and for Kim to go from being pulled
in so many different directions

to basically stuck in a house,

I think it's left Kim
with nothing else to do

but time to judge all of us.

Did you hear what we did this weekend
while we were in Vegas?

-[Kim] Yeah.
-Who told you?

[Kim] TMZ articles.

You have way too much time on your hands.

[Kourtney]
Way too much time on your hands.

[upbeat music]

-[paparazzo] Scott, how are you?
-[Mason] Cheers!

-Cheers, my sweet, innocent love child.
-[Kourtney] Cheers!

-[Khloé] Love child.
-[clinks]

What are we cheers-ing to?

Cheers to Mason
being 40 inches tall today.

[Khloé] Oh, my goodness. Cheers.

-[Khloé] That's a good cheers.
-[Kourtney] Cheers to Mason.

Can I get, like,
a side of mashed potatoes?

-[waitress] Mashed potatoes? Sure.
-Thank you.

-How is it… How is it living with K-I-M?
-[Mason babbling]

-I'm, like, so annoyed.
-She is on my last nerve.

Like, all she does is critique
what I'm wearing or what I look like.

Wait, didn't she tell you the other day

that you were making her look bad
'cause you were wearing something?

Oh, my God.

[Scott] It's hard to be
up to her standards.

[Kendall] But, like,
but she's not any better.

No.

-Burn, Kendall, burn.
-[Scott] I feel a burn comin' on.

She's kind of judgmental, I guess.

Um, incredibly. All she does is judge.

[Scott] She should be like Judge Judy.

We should call her Judy.

-[Khloé] Judge Judy.
-Yo, Judy's kind of funny.

-[Mason] Farfegnugen.
-[Khloé] Farfegnugen.

[Scott] So let's call her
either a Farfegnugen…

[Kourtney] Farfegnugen.

No, but then if we're around her,
she's gonna know…

Yeah, we're referring to her
is a Farfegnugen…

There has to be, like, a name that, like,
could be realistic but, like, somewhat,

you know, that's just,
like, a normal name.

-[quirky music]
-[indistinct chattering]

Okay, so let's call her Fancy Nancy.

I am so down.

We have nicknamed Kim "Nancy"
because Kim has been so nasty.

Now we can talk about her
right in front of her face,

and she has no idea
who we're talking about.

I think that's it.

Nancy's number one, Judy's the backup.

[all laugh]

[upbeat music]

-[Bruce] Hey, Kim.
-[Kim] Hi.

[whirring]

God, my neck hurts today.

-[Bruce] Honey?
-[Kris] Yep?

-[Bruce] What are you doing?
-[Kris] That's a good question.

Today, Kim decided that my office
is now her office, so I have no choice.

And this is my new office. My bathroom.

[Bruce] You know
what I'm looking for? Huh.

My old phone.

Why?

Bruce Meyer and I
are gonna put on a Bruce party again.

A Bruce party again?
How many Bruces do you know?

-There's, like, two Bruces.
-No.

No, last, uh, last one we did,
like, three or four years ago,

we had 18 Bruces there.

[Kris] Eighteen people
named their kid Bruce?

And we only played
Bruce Springsteen music.

Our photographer who was taking pictures,
his name was Bruce.

The list went on and on and on.

Everybody's name there was Bruce
or you weren't allowed.

So, anyway, we're gonna do it again.

-Okay.
-[Bruce] It's been three years.

And a lot of the old phone numbers,
I didn't transfer over.

Have you seen the old phone?

Go look in the top drawer, uh,
in the end table next to the bed.

It's probably there.

[Bruce] Is this it?

God, it's right on top.

Well then, there you go.

-[Kris] See?
-[Bruce] Unbelievable.

[Kris] I come in handy every
once in a while.

Bruce.
[scoffs]

[whispers]
Bruce party.

[electronic party music]

[Kim] You guys, I need to start
having North wear a bib.

Do you think this bib she would like?
It says Northwest Airlines.

-That is so cute.
-[Khloé] That is so cute, I will agree.

[Kim] You wanna see something super cute?

[Khloé] I thought you don't shop.

[Kim] This is a gift to North. You'll die.

So cute.

[Khloé] I thought you hate hot pink.

This is a gift from Stella McCartney.

[Kourtney] This is similar.

This is so her, don't you think?
She'll love it.

Remember the onesie I gave you
that you gave back?

-[Kim] It didn't fit her.
-[scoffs]

[Khloé] Kourt, why don't you
snap a few pics?

-Do you think Nancy would…
-[Kourtney] Do I have my phone here?

-Yeah.
-[Khloé] You should snap pictures.

Nancy would not be down with…

Kourtney, no shoes on my carpet.

Ooh…

No, it's, like, she lays here.

God, did you get a gift
from Nancy before, Kourt?

I got only neutral, no color, from Nancy.

I know.

How annoying is Nance?

[Khloé] It's… She's like…

-[Kim] Who is this Nancy person?
-[Khloé] It's one of Kourtney's friends.

I feel like I would really know
who this Nancy person is

'cause I know everyone.

You don't know
every single friend of ours.

-[Kim] Yeah, I do.
-[Kourtney] No, you don't.

[Kim] So, who is Nancy?

Just some annoying, judgmental hooker.

-[Kourtney] Not a hooker.
-Kind of.

[Khloé] She called me the other day

just to critique stuff about
how I looked in photos,

or, like, something I shouldn't wear…

That's what Nance does to me
all day every day.

Khloé and I are having so much fun
calling her Nancy

'cause she has no idea
who we're talking about.

There's only so much our souls
can handle when it comes to Kim,

with her criticism, day after day.

And if she's gonna mess with us,
then we're gonna mess with her back.

[Kim] What does this Nancy do
that annoys you guys so much,

why you always talk about her?

[Kourtney] She's just very judgmental.

And it's really obnoxious.

-That's annoying.
-Yeah.

[electronic music]

[doorbell dings]

-[Kim] Hi.
-[Joseph] Hello.

-I just wanna fix the lock on my door.
-[Joseph] Okay.

And I feel like
the handle on this door isn't working.

-All right, no worries.
-What are you doing now?

Just making some more
improvements to your house.

Kim, you don't need
to make improvements to my house.

-What are you guys doing this time?
-Just the door here. The handle.

-[Kim] I don't know.
-[Kris] This handle?

You keep changing door handles

and making doors sound
quieter and noisier.

But isn't that an improvement?
Don't tell me it's not.

-I know, but I thought…
-[Kim] Oh, can we fix the paint?

[Kim] Sorry, can we fix the paint

-above it?
-Yes, we can. Absolutely.

[Kim] At least I'm, like, meticulous,
and I notice these things.

[Kris] When Kim and Kanye first moved in,

I really wanted them to be
so happy and comfortable

that I was afraid to say anything

because I didn't wanna
hurt their feelings.

But Kim has really started to
take this a little too far.

I'm secretly counting the days
to when their house is finally complete.

Kim, if he was at your house
right now doing his thing,

and if you would stop
nitpicking my house apart,

you could move in faster.

How much longer are you gonna be here?

-[Kris] Because he's here.
-It's gonna be a while.

I know, it's gonna be a while.

I'm moving in, in like eight months.

Eight months?

[dramatic music]

You rolled in here, and it's like
this suddenly became your home.

It was supposed to be… six weeks.

[Kim] You asked me to move in.

I've been trying to be patient
about this whole thing, but eight months?

This is not what I signed up for.

[Kim] Trust me,
when I'm gone, you'll love it.

Kim, you're taking over my whole house.

[upbeat music]

-[Khloé] Hey, Lamar.
-[Lamar] Hello?

[Khloé] Yes, sir.

[Lamar] I wanted to know
if it was okay that…

since I kind of set
this little private bed up for myself…

-You set a bed up for yourself?
-[Lamar] Yeah, and I have Leopard.

How do you have Leopard?

Leopard is my very favorite blanket.
I bring my blanket everywhere.

Oh, look at this.

-Leopard.
-Leopard.

I want to spend time with him.

I want to be there
and make sure he's okay.

But right now, with everything going on,

I really have to stand my ground
and really have a lot of boundaries.

Maybe this will be
a wake-up call for Lamar.

Okay, well, that's good you have Leopard.
Leopard's the best.

[Lamar] Yeah, he's the best.

[Lamar laughs]

Is that too much info?

No, I'm happy you have Leopard.
Leopard will make you feel comfortable.

See, I have to go
'cause I'm not paying attention…

-apparently.
-[Lamar] Okay.

Like, that was really bad.

It's okay. You go, and, you know,
me and Leopard have a date.

You and Leopard have a date.

[Khloé] I'll call you
when I get to Kris Jenner's.

[Lamar] Okay.

[upbeat music]

[Kim] Oh, my leggings.

-[Kris] These are yours?
-[Kim] Yeah.

Do I have to pick up your little clothes
for you, sweetie, like you're five?

Like when you were a little girl?

I left one workout pants
and a top by accident

because I was showering in here.

My clothes, I keep
all my clothes in that tiny closet.

-Very contained.
-That closet's the size of a closet

of a normal person.

[Kim] Yeah, but I'm saying
I'm not a normal person.

I have tons of clothes,
and there's no storage space,

so I have no choice
but to keep my makeup up here.

-[Kris] Kim.
-And I just have one drawer.

I efficiently put…

-[Kris] I…
-[Kim] And my shampoos and stuff.

Your shampoos?
I had two shampoo situations in here.

[Kim] Because with the blonde hair,
I need a special kind of shampoo now.

-[Kris] I just want you to be really…
-I'm roughing it here.

[Kim] My eyes have to look at

-these floors…
-Roughing it?

…and this fabric of this couch
every single day.

Yeah.

[Kim] Once I move in to my house,
you're gonna be, like…

[imitates gasping]

"I need to redo my house.
Kim's house is so cool."

She doesn't like my bedding,
she doesn't like the way my towels feel,

and she completely took over my bathroom.

And this situation is driving me crazy.

[Kim] Hi. It's Kim Kardashian.

Oh, no, maybe I'll make a call too,
at the same time.

Mom, this is a serious question.

Hi, this is Kris Jenner calling,

and I wanna talk to somebody really loud

because my daughter's
sitting in my bathroom

and she won't leave me alone,
and she's taking all of her calls here

like I'm her assistant,
and this is her office.

[Kris whoops]

Big kicks for Kim!
[Kris whoops]

[Kim] You look like a lunatic.

-This is a business partner.
-[Kris] Kim's on a call, Kim's on a call.

You are so important, Kim.

[Kris] I am really at my wit's end.

I can barely find a corner of the house
to have for myself

for two inches of privacy.

I have to do something about this.

Since you took all of your makeup
and put it all in my containers…

[Kris] Who knew they still made these?

If it won't hurt me,
I think I'll start it.

-[Kim] Okay, bye.
-Bye. We have to go now.

Mom, that is so embarrassing.

Okay, do you have any more calls
you need to make?

Is there anything
I can bring you, princess?

-I'm not a princess. I'm like…
-[Kris] Okay.

Just let me know so I don't interrupt you
the next time I come in to my bathroom.

[Kris] See ya. Eight more months.

[upbeat music]

-[Kourtney] Hey.
-[Khloé] Hi.

[Kim] What is going on?
Why are you dressed like this?

[Khloé] This is how we just get dressed.

-Tinker Bell, Disco Diva.
-[Kendall] Kourtney wore this

to Disney World.

The wedding cake topper,
and cheese ball from circa 2003.

I am having way too much fun
with this Nancy business,

so we've recruited Kendall and Kylie,

and we are all dressing up
in really offensive, obnoxious outfits

and just having a little fun.

[Khloé] Do you think Nancy
would ever wear anything like this?

-Who, Nancy?
-Nancy.

That was, like,
New Year's a couple years ago.

[Khloé] Exactly.
You think you're so Fancy Nancy.

Am I really Nancy?
It's not right to do to me.

[chuckles]
Why? What's not right to do to you?

You can't, like,
make jokes about a "Nancy."

Just tell me, Khlo.
Out of all of them, you'll tell me.

You are Nancy.

Yeah, you're Nancy.

[dramatic music]

If everyone had a problem
with how I was acting,

they could have just talked to me about it
and I would have made an adjustment.

But having every sister in on this joke
where they're making fun of me,

it hurts my feelings.

[upbeat music]

[Khloé] Fancy Nancy.

-No, am I really Nancy?
-You are Nancy.

-Really?
-I will tell you. Yeah, you're Nancy.

Does it bother you that you're Nancy?

-Yeah.
-[Khloé] Why?

[Kim] Because…

[Khloé] We just feel like
you're a little too judgmental.

You don't have anything else to do
besides be a new mom.

Now when we refer to you,
we refer to you as Nancy.

Making fun of me at the house,
always talking about Nancy, it's rude.

[Khloé] We just thought it was funny
that you never picked it up.

I'm kind of hurt, you guys.

[electronic music]

[Kourtney] Kim just sent an e-mail
that she feels bad.

-[Khloé] Oh, my God.
-[Kourtney] Now I feel bad.

But I mean, she was being, like,

-bitchy this whole time.
-[Kourtney] Yeah.

I'm starting to feel a little bit bad
about this whole Nancy thing.

But she's been brutal the past few months,

and she deserves it.

Like, yeah, we might be, like,
"She's such a bitch,"

but it's, like, in good fun.

-[Kourtney] Yeah.
-[Khloé] Um…

All right, I am getting dressed
for din-din.

[Kourtney]
'Cause my boobs are out of control.

[upbeat music]

[Khloé coughs]

[Khloé] I think I might have
walking pneumonia.

[Kris] I think it's stress.

I'm sorry you're sick and that you
have to be my sidekick today,

but I need to go to Kim's house,

and I'm gonna talk to the contractor

and see if…

he will speed up
this little building process

because I can't take it anymore.

[Kris] I will literally pay them
more money to hurry up.

-But it's a house.
-[Kris] Yeah.

You can't rush a house.

Yeah, you can.

What do you mean? It's Kim's house.
Like, she wants it done perfectly.

-I wouldn't rush a job.
-But she's living at my house,

and I feel like
she's not over there paying attention.

We are gonna be two squeaky wheels
when we get to Kim's house.

I'm not squeakin' nothin'.
I'm just sitting here.

Do you know I lived in my house
through all of the construction?

I'm sure you were
so annoying to the workers.

Well, they got it done faster
'cause they wanted to get out of there.

-Probably.
-Exactly my point.

I just don't get why I always am
dragged along for everything.

And, like, I'm gonna get in trouble now.

Like, 'cause Kim is gonna find out.
She is gonna be pissed.

[Khloé] Even though Kim
is being so annoying,

I don't wanna be dragged in the middle
because I do feel really bad

that all of us were basically
talking [bleep] about her,

so I don't need any more drama with Kim.

Somebody's got to take charge
of some of these situations,

and I seem to be the only one
with enough balls to get stuff done.

[upbeat music]

This place looks no different than it did
the last time I was here.

Nothing seems to be happening.
See all this wood?

I need it to disappear.

See what I mean? It's, like, fill up
the dumpster and get out of here.

[Kris] They're even adding on more rooms,
Khloé. Like, look up there.

-[Khloé] I've seen.
-We're in big trouble.

[Kris] Look, there's no walls.

It's a little windy in this house.

And who knew that it was this undone?

-[Kris] Hi. How are you?
-[Madeline] Hi.

-I'm good. How are you doing?
-[Kris] Good.

-Nice to meet you.
-[Kris] Nice to meet you. I'm Kris.

-[Kris] This is Khloé.
-[Khloé] What do you do?

-I'm a contractor.
-[Khloé] Oh, cool.

[Kris] So when do you think that the house
is gonna be finished, in your opinion?

I think it's gonna take a while
because you're changing

and making a traditional house
a contemporary house, so…

-Within its own footprint.
-[Kris] Oh… Right.

Do you think it's at the place now

where they can start
putting it back together?

Probably not…

because they have
a lot of mechanical issues.

[Madeline] So, it's time-consuming.

-Mm.
-It's very frustrating for the owner.

-Yeah.
-[Madeline] But…

-And the owner's mother.
-[Madeline] And the owner's mother.

I'm not one
who throws in the towel so easily.

[Kris] Oh, my God, there's no walls
or windows in her bedroom, either.

[Kris] We're starting over
with the kitchen?

[Madeline] And the staircase
is being moved.

[sighs]

[Kris] But actually seeing it
with my very own eyes,

I realize this house won't be ready
for a super long time.

[whispers]
What are we gonna do now?

It's, like, this house
is never gonna be done.

There's hardly even any walls or windows.

There's not… Look, it's down to the studs.

Listen, if you have an issue,

-go talk to Kim about it.
-Yeah.

And you should have
a talk with her and say, "Listen."

You're a little concerned.

You're gonna have to say
that you came here and you saw this,

and that you're a little concerned
and that you guys should go talk.

You're the one who begged Kim
to come and move with you

and you wanna be with the baby

while Kim and Kanye are on tour, and then…

So, like, now you're getting
what you asked for.

[upbeat music]

[Kris] Hey, Kim.

-Hey.
-[Kris] Well, you're cheerful.

Do you have something to tell me?

About what?

Did you call my contractor behind my back?

Well…

Yeah, we had a chat.

I just wanted to find out
if we could move this train along

because it seems to be taking
a really long time.

I mean, you don't think
that I've already thought of that?

There's nothing we can do
to make it go any quicker.

You could stop making changes.

Every five minutes,
you make another change.

Get it, like, organized
so that you guys can move in,

and you can do the rest
while you're living there like I did.

My mom is trying to kick me
out of her house.

Kourtney and Khloé
are ganging up on me again

and always picking on me.

I mean, what did I do to anyone?

Sometimes, I feel like
I'm tiptoeing around my own house.

I feel bad if the phone rings because
I don't want anybody to disturb the baby.

But you invited us.

[Kim] You would always say to me that

it takes forever for a house project
to even happen.

You knew what
you were getting yourself into.

This is never going to end.

I feel like, uh, like you're my mom.

[Kris] I feel bad if I mess up your stuff
in my bathroom.

And you walk in and you go,
"Who took my shampoo out of the shower?"

Wait. It's, it's my shower.

Every time we have
a conversation about anything,

you're always laughing and joking,

and, like, that's why
I can't even take you seriously.

I feel like I have to ask
for your permission to go anywhere,

or have to ask for your permission
to have people over for dinner.

I think you really think
that this is your house,

and I'm your houseguest.

If you want us out, we'll go.

[upbeat music]

[Kim] If you want us out, we'll go.

Kim, it's not that I don't want you here.

I want you here.

I wanna be with the baby,
I wanna be with Kanye and you,

but it's, at some point,
gotta be on my terms.

[Kris] Like, it's still my house.

I come home and everything's different.

You come in and you criticize,
but this is what I like.

And when you get your house done,

I may come over to your house

and I might not like
everything that you do.

And how would you like it
if I started rearranging your whole house?

-I'd k*ll you.
-[Kris] Exactly.

I know that
you don't like everything here,

but everything in this house
represents something I did all on my own.

Something I'm really proud of, and…

It's my taste, and I love my stuff.

I love you for wanting me to be better.

But I like the way I live.
I'm really happy.

[Kim] I feel really bad.

I am just so comfortable
around my own family

that I don't think it's a big deal
when I voice my opinion.

I feel like I have just been
giving everyone constructive criticism,

but I guess it wasn't.

[Kris] I don't want you to leave,

but I just think that
maybe some boundaries would be good.

I mean, I definitely don't want you
to feel uncomfortable in your own house,

and I want to definitely
establish boundaries.

So I just want you
to tell me what they are,

and then we'll go from there.

-It's that easy.
-[Kris] Okay.

Well, I've got to get some work done,
so is it okay if I go use my office?

Is that all right with you?

It would be, but I'm actually using it
as my third closet, so…

We'll see about that, missy.

Just kidding.

[upbeat music]

[phone ringing]

Hi, Anthony.

[Anthony] I'm calling from San Fran.

How is it up there?

-[Anthony] Amazing. Always.
-Yeah?

You know how Kanye is having
his concert in San Francisco this week?

Yeah, I'm coming.

Okay, well, he can't get back down to LA,

so he wants to throw, like,
a massive surprise party for Kim here.

-What? For her birthday?
-Yeah.

[Kris] Oh, my God.
So he's gonna have a party?

Yeah. I can't tell you where it is

because he really doesn't want
anybody to know.

It's so big and over the top

that we really need your help
getting everybody down here.

He wants all of Kim's friends,
all the family.

[Kris] Well, that's in, like, four days.

Well, that's why we're calling you.

[laughs]
Bring in the troops.

I love the fact that
Kanye wants to surprise Kim.

But I wasn't born yesterday,

and I know there's a lot more
to this story than they're telling me,

and I'm gonna get to the bottom of it.

Whatever you guys have up your sleeve,
I bet it's gonna be amazing.

I know you know, Anthony,

-and you're just not telling me.
-I can't really tell.

-My lips are very sealed.
-[Kris] Yeah, apparently they are.

-With superglue.
-[laughs]

This is so exciting.
I love surprising people.

-She will die.
-I know, right?

She will die.

[upbeat music]

-[phone ringing]
-[Khloé] Oh.

-Oh, hello?
-[Kris] Khloé.

-Kris.
-Hey, it's Mommy.

I know. It says that on my caller ID.

Okay, so, here's the deal.

I don't want you to say one word
to anybody, but I just got a call,

and Kanye wants us
to all be in San Francisco

for Kim's birthday for a surprise.

Do you know what the surprise is?

It's a birthday surprise.

Okay. What do we wear?

Well, he said
he wants it to be, like, black tie.

[chuckles]
Okay.

[Kris] Kim's birthday bash.

Woo-hoo. Okay, party.

-[Kris] Yay!
-Yay!

-Love you.
-Love you.

[upbeat music]

[Mason] Mom! Mom!

Who is strong enough?

-[Kourtney] Who is strong?
-Hi.

-[Kourtney] Hi.
-[Mason] I'm strong.

Oh, look at that pirate ship.

[Mason] Like…

-Rruumm…
-[Mason] Rruumm…

So, I just wanted to apologize
for being judgmental.

[pensive music]

I feel like you kind of purposely,
like, made comments like,

"You guys bring me down
with your style" or whatever.

-[Kourtney] You know?
-Yeah.

I mean, I just feel bad, and I'm so sorry.

[toy squeaks]

Well, I feel bad, like,
participating in the Nancy business.

I feel, like, when you're a new mom,
like, your whole life changes,

and then you kind of feel like
no one relates to you anyways.

-Yeah.
-So, I feel, like, out of anyone,

you know, I should be more understanding.

[Mason] Mom, can you get that book for me?

-[Kourtney] Yeah.
-Okay.

[Kourtney]
Kim was being a little bit mean,

but, as a new mom,
I know what she's going through

and, if anything,
I should be there for her

instead of being a little teenager
calling her Nancy.

[Kourtney] Well, I know
it was pretty "mean girls" of us.

-And we don't want to be like that, so…
-[chuckles]

[Kim] You just can't help yourself?

-[Kourtney] We couldn't.
-[Mason] Yeah.

[Kim chuckles]

[upbeat music]

-[Kourtney] What?
-[Khloé] Picture of Dad.

That's from Dorsey High School.

The reunion, I think.

This is not Dad. Hello?

-[Kourtney] What do you think?
-Look what he looked like.

I know.

[Khloé] Who is this bitch posing with Dad?

-Do you know who that whore is?
-[Kourtney] Nope.

Skank.

[Kourtney] Here's a letter from your dad.

[Khloé] From my dad?

It says, "Good to have known you
these past 15 years.

They've been loaded with a lot of laughs.
Let's keep smiling for 140 more.

Always, your roommate, OJ."

-Should I Instagram that?
-[Kourtney] No.

So, Mom called me and said
Kanye is gonna send a private plane.

He wants us all in San Fran
for Kim's birthday.

[Khloé] And it's a major surprise.
We can't say a word.

And he said we have to wear black tie.

[Kourtney] Black tie is fun.

That doesn't make you nervous?
You don't, like, wonder what it's for?

It's for her birthday.

In my gut, I feel like
something big is about to happen.

And I think the weirdest part

is that Kourtney doesn't think
anything is gonna happen.

Like, she's just like,
"Nope, we're just going for her birthday."

Like, no.

You don't think
it could be something deeper?

I mean, last year,
he literally surprised her,

took her to Rome.

He's, like, into birthdays and surprises.

No, you dumb [bleep]

-[chuckles]
-Oh, that's cool.

Why on Earth last minute would you want
all of us to go to San Francisco

and it's a surprise and dress black tie?

Like, Robert's going.
If our brother's going…

-Is he, though?
-[Khloé] …I know it's big.

I just feel like maybe this is a proposal.

I'm a little psychic.
I feel like it's something maje.

[slow rock music]

[Kourtney] I mean, I invited Larsa,
Malika, and Khadijah.

-Anthony Schiller.
-[Khloé] Okay, these are cool.

[Kourtney] Rob is going. Joyce, Jonathan.

[Kourtney] My mom has asked
Khloé and I to invite

as many of Kim's close friends
and family members as we can

that could fly out
to San Francisco last minute.

I don't know what is happening,

but we just need to make sure

that these people
do not ruin the surprise.

[CiCi] Hey, what are you doing?

Hi. We're, um, talking about San Fran.
Are you excited?

Oh, my God,
I wasn't supposed to say anything.

I'm going!

I know, we're so excited.

Well, I can't wait to see you.

-What do you think is happening?
-[Kourtney] Jonathan is meeting us there.

[Kourtney] We don't know
what is happening.

Okay, me, neither. Your mother just said…

-[Kourtney] Surprise party.
-…birthday party.

[Khloé] What is going on with this line?

Yeah, so I said,
"Okay, I can keep a secret."

[Kim] What are you guys talking about?

[tense music]

[group] Happy Birthday, Kim!

[Kourtney] Next on
Keeping Up with the Kardashians…

[Khloé] What is happening?

[Kris] Tonight is going to be so exciting.

Let's go, this way.

And after they find out
what's really going on,

it's gonna mean even more.

-[Kendall] Oh, my God, she's gonna cry.
-[shush]

[Khloé] Did you see that?
It's an orchestra.

[Kris] Oh, my God.

[indistinct chatter]

[cheerful music]

[both gasp]

Oh, my God.