09x06 - 2 Birthdays & a Yard Sale

[bunniefuu]

All right.

-Hey, guys. How are you?
-[Kim] Good. How are you?

Excellent. Tell me what you want to do,
and we'll get to it.

I'm, like, obsessed with my hands.

[Kim] I think they look really wrinkly.

Is there anything to tighten them
just so they make my hands look longer?

[Jonathan] Well, now
you got that ring to show off…

-[Kim] I know.
-Yeah, I can fix that,

but they're gonna be
shell-shocked with the ring,

they're just not gonna even pay attention
to anything else.

[Kim] And I have a scar on my toe
that I really want you to look at.

[Simon] We'll laser it off.

It works for this.
It works for stretch marks.

-[Kim] Really?
-[Simon] Yeah.

-What is Jonathan gonna do?
-And…

-Since he's here, I need to t*rture him.
-Jonathan…

-[Simon] Yes.
-I got freakin' stretch marks

from growing so fast,
'cause I was like this, and then I went…

And I'm the one
that's scared to do anything.

[Simon] Stretch marks
and love handles.

They're not that bad.

-They're like handles.
-Yes.

We're gonna have you change into a gown…

-Okay.
-…and we'll get started in no time.

All right.

-[Jonathan] Laser number one.
-Laser number one coming in.

-[Simon] Number two.
-[Jonathan] Laser two.

-[Jonathan] Oh, my God.
-[Simon] One more.

-[Jonathan] Ready for takeoff.
-Look at yours.

I don't know how I get myself into this.

[Jonathan] Shall I assist you?

[Simon] Yes, please. Jonathan…

also known as the Hose Holder.

[Jonathan] Yeah, thanks.

[laughter]

[Simon] You have to keep it cold.

-Pay attention.
-[laughter continues]

-[Kim] The things you do for beauty.
-[Jonathan laughs]

[whistling]

[upbeat music]

[Khloé] Kim, where are you?

[Kim] In my room.

[Khloé] Oh, my God.
What is going on with you?

[Kim] I am so tired.

Like, Sleeping Beauty, are you listening?

[chuckles]
Yeah, I just really don't feel good.

I hope I don't get North sick.

I've been holding her this whole time.

-[phone rings]
-[Khloé] Who is it?

-Hello.
-[woman] Hi. Is Bruce available?

Um, Bruce does not live here.

-[woman] Oh, okay.
-But you could try his cell phone.

-[woman] Great. Bye-bye.
-Bye.

"Bruce doesn't live here."

-He doesn't.
-I know, but that's so weird.

I think that's his first phone call
he's ever gotten here, too.

[Khloé] Ever since Bruce moved out…

I mean, he hardly ever comes
by the house anymore,

and that's sad to me
because I still consider Bruce my dad,

and I love him, and this whole separation,

it's kinda not real to me,

or I don't want to accept it, I guess.

I have to get my nails done.
I need a fitting.

I can't even think of all the things
I have to do.

[Khloé] I know. Life is hard.

Life is tough.

[upbeat music]

[honking]

Are you thinking about
going to Magic Mountain?

Yeah. Why not?

-For what? Your birthday?
-Yeah.

[gasps]
They have the best churros, you guys.

-[Kim] Hi, guys.
-[Kris] Hey.

-What are you doing?
-I don't know.

She wants to go to Magic Mountain
for her birthday.

That would be fun.

So, what is your plan when you turn 18?

I mean, I kind of want to move out.

I am excited to be turning 18.

It's one of my first steps
in becoming an independent woman.

[Kendall] And one of the first things
I want to do

is get a place of my own.

I'm excited to see what's out there.

If I were to give you advice now,

it's live here
as long as you possibly can.

Exactly. I think you should really
take your time, Kendall.

[Kim gasps]

-I want to go on it.
-How crazy does that look?

[Kris] Concentrate on Magic Mountain.

That should be
your number one priority right now.

Whoever invented roller coasters is crazy.

[upbeat music]

[bleeped] electric store.

[Scott] What the [bleeped] is this?

Buford.

[Kourtney] Yeah.

I'm looking for chargers
for the computers.

Where are they?

[Kourtney] They're in a bin.

[Scott] Can you just come to this garage?
It's a damn mess.

-Oh, my God.
-What?

You came flying.

-You're a quick little sucker, aren't you?
-What?

[Scott] What is all this?

[Kourtney] This is the kids' section.

This is Mason and Penelope's clothes.

A train set that was Rob's.

What are we gonna do
with all these car seats

and all these different light bulbs
and the fixtures?

[Kourtney]
Well, let's look at your section.

We all have hoarding tendencies.

This says "gloves and goggles".

[Scott] Okay, so I got a lot of gloves.

We got to figure out how to get
some of this stuff out of here.

Can't we sell it?

[Kourtney] My favorite thing in life
would be to have a yard sale.

It would be, like, my dream come true.

[Kourtney] When we were little,
all we used to do was have yard sales.

My mom was like the yard sale queen.

She would bargain, and it was so fun.

We need to get this house
so spick and span.

[Scott] Okay, so let's do it.

Chop.

That's what I'm talking about.

I got you, baby. Come here, I got you.

-Okay, you're all right.
-[giggles]

[Scott] You're all right. Never let go.

[upbeat music]

-[Cici] Hey.
-[Kris] Hey, Jonathan.

Do you know one of my best friends, Roman?
Did you ever meet before? Kris.

-Hey, Kris. How are you?
-Hi, Roman. How are you?

-[Jonathan] That's Cici.
-Hi, Jonathan.

-So, I left Kim a few hours ago.
-[Kris] Jonathan, I'm trying to be you.

[Jonathan] Why?
You're tryna do a food pick?

By the way, we just ended up on a date.

This is amazing.

-You're the cougar.
-Are you setting me up?

Obviously.
What do you think I brought him for?

-You like long hair.
-Okay, good.

[Jonathan] I'm really happy for Kim.

There's a lot going on
in her head now, you know,

now that she's got that ring
to carry on her finger.

[Cici laughs]

[Kris] So, Kendall's looking for houses.

-It's crazy.
-[Cici] Wait.

-That's bye-bye.
-Kendall Jenner is 18 in a week.

[Kris and Cici]
Bye-bye.

[Roman]
Don't you like having your own time again?

It gets a little lonely,

like, sometimes when I'm at the house
too long by myself.

[Kris] It's a bit of a void.

[Cici]
Usually, there's ten people at a time,

and she's used to so much.

And it's lessening and lessening
and lessening,

so, maybe one day she might be alone
in the big house.

[Kris] I just can't believe
that Kendall is going to turn 18.

I remember like it was yesterday

Kendall being born.

And Kendall being two and four
and ponies and preschool,

so I can't even imagine how I'm gonna feel
the day that Kendall moves out.

And I just want to push it
as far away as I can

and not let it come anytime soon.

[Kris] Jonathan,
maybe you can move in with me.

That will be fun.
It's just me and Kris now.

-It's just us.
-Party on!

[Kris] Party!

-Get ready.
-Supposed to be a tap.

-You just almost broke my knuckles.
-[Kris chuckles]

Watch out.

[phone chiming]

[Bruce] Now, wait a second.

Since I haven't seen you girls
in a few days, could we do something,

like put the phones down?

And we could actually have a conversation.

Yeah.

[phone ringing]

[Kendall] Look whose phone's ringing now.

Is it your girlfriend?

-[Bruce] Hello.
-Who is that?

All right, we're on speaker.

-[Khloé] Hi, girls.
-[Kylie] Hey.

[Bruce] What's happening?

[Khloé] I was calling to see
what you wanted to do for your birthday.

-What I want to do for my birthday?
-[Khloé] Yeah.

Honestly, the last person
you have to worry about is me.

-I don't need, like, a big party…
-[Khloé] It's not a worry.

It's what we want to do.

You're going to be 64.
That's a reason to celebrate.

-Can we throw you a dinner?
-[Bruce] I don't…

-That's very nice of you but…
-Dad.

…I don't need a lot of people.
As long as I have you guys,

I'm so good, I can't stand it.

My dad downplays his emotions.

[Khloé] I'll plan it with everyone.

I don't need a lot of people. I'm fine.

[Kylie] I always worry about
my dad and mom drifting apart

'cause I always remember us
as being so close.

To be honest with you, the only people
I really feel like cares is, you know,

like, you, Kendall and Kylie.

After that, they could care less.

[dramatic music]

[upbeat music]

[Scott] Hey. Hey, bud.

[Rob] Hey, bud.

-[Kourtney] L.D.
-[Khloé] Hey.

-[Rob] Tattoo, buddy.
-[Scott] Let me see.

-That's Kourtney wearing a hood.
-[Kourtney] No, it's not.

I'm serious.

-[Khloé] That's who he told me it was.
-It's you.

-Is it?
-[Rob] So, now it's done. The arm's done.

[Kourtney] You guys,
I have some very exciting news.

Exciting news, and we need some help.

-Calling all hoarders.
-We're the hoarders. Nobody else.

-I'm not… Kris Jenner's a hoarder.
-Everyone's a hoarder in this family,

in case you weren't aware.

-[Rob] Exactly. That's what…
-Excuse me.

[Khloé] I'm not a hoarder.

[Kourtney] Uh…

We're having

-a yard sale.
-[Khloé] I have nothing to get rid of.

-I honestly don't have anything.
-You don't have anything to get rid of?

I hate holding onto things,
and keeping them around.

All I got to say is,
you better be inviting Mom to this thing

'cause Mom needs to, like, really release.

Everyone can get rid of something.

You should do, like,
an all-nude garage sale.

[Scott] I want to do my penis enlarger.

-I'll get good money for that.
-[Rob] Yeah.

[Khloé laughs]

[upbeat music]

-[Kim] Khloé?
-[Khloé] Yes.

-[Kim] Look at this.
-[Jonathan] What is this crap?

Oh, my God.

Wait. Look. A bantam Beanie Baby.

-Yes, this is going in our pile.
-[Kim] Wait. And this.

-I like this lion.
-This says "plenty".

-I wanna take this.
-[Khloé] Plenty of what?

-Is this all yard sale?
-They're dangerous for kids.

What are you guys doing?

Those are my Ralph Lauren antlers.

[Khloé] We're having a yard sale
due to all the hoarding.

I'm not giving up my candelabras.

-These two go first. These two go first.
-Stop it. Hey. Stop it. No.

[Kourtney] The whole family
has, like, a slight hoarding gene,

but my mom is definitely one of the worst.

[Khloé] Look what's in this drawer.

Look at all this crap
that's in this drawer.

[Kourtney] My mom thinks that she should
be keeping this little toothpick

from when she had dinner
with her best friend Sally.

It's just really [bleeped] up.

[Khloé] Look. Look at this rusty Kn*fe.

[Kris] No! I need that Kn*fe!

When I slice carrots,
it makes them waffled.

Why do you need two of these?

[laughing]

I don't know why I have
multiple amounts of items.

How many peelers do you need?

-I promise, I'm gonna pee.
-[Khloé] This is a joke!

[Kris] It could go back to my childhood
when I thought we couldn't afford it,

and now, I just want to make sure
that we are prepared

for anything and everything.

How come you guys get

-to decide what's trash?
-Guys, I have the pièce de résistance.

Follow me. We're gonna sell this.

[Jonathan] What kind
of crap you got here?

Oh, my God.

[Kris] This is mean!

[upbeat music]

[Bruce] Are you looking for food again?

-[Kylie] Are you calling me fat?
-[Bruce] No, I would never do that.

So, what's been going on?

[Kylie] I don't know. School's good.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

[Kylie] I don't know.

You always steal that shirt
back from me as if it's yours.

We were just discussing,
what do you want to be when you grow up.

-[Kendall] I want to be a monster.
-[chuckles]

Now, Kendall, I hear that,
I mean, you're really getting serious

about this, uh, house thing.

Yup.

-You want to buy a house?
-[Kendall] Yes.

[Bruce] It's a big responsibility.

-And you're very fortunate. You know that.
-[Kendall] Mm-hm.

Most kids, when they're 18,
can't buy a house.

Do you have any idea where
or what type of house you want,

or you just want to start looking?

I already have a realtor
helping me out, so…

[Kendall] I know my mom
really doesn't want me to move out,

but now that my 18th birthday
is around the corner,

I want to get serious
and start the house-hunting process.

I want to start looking.
You know, feel everything out.

The only thing that I know that
I want is, like, space.

-[chuckles]
-I just know that I want a yard…

-[Bruce] Yeah.
-…so I can get a dog.

I'm the same way. I love the space.

There's a lot of them
that size around here.

Brody got a five-acre lot.

Five acres.
That's a ton of property out in Malibu.

[Bruce] Kendall wants to get away
from everything at the house.

Like father, like daughter. Go, Kendall.

You know, it's a big step,
but I think she's ready to do it.

This is my opinion.

I personally think I'm better
at helping you find a house.

[calm music]

[Kim] I have a huge fat roll
on my stomach.

I have so many fat rolls on my body

-that it's not funny.
-But when do they go away?

Mine still haven't gone away.

-[phone ringing]
-It's Khloé.

-[Kim] Hello.
-[Khloé] Hi.

-[Kim] Hi.
-[Khloé] What are you doing?

Just driving with Kourt.
We're heading over to Mom's.

[Khloé] Oh, good! Um, I'll k*ll two birds
with one stone, then.

I am putting together
a birthday dinner for Bruce,

and I was thinking
if we could all do it on Sunday.

-Yeah.
-Yeah, we can do that.

[Khloé] You know,
just keep it low-key with fam,

-and just have it cute.
-[Kim] Totally.

[Khloé] Especially right now with
everything, I feel like he feels left out,

and I just don't want him
to feel that way.

He says that only me, Kendall, and Kylie
care about his birthday.

[Kim] That's, like, ridiculous.
We all care.

[Khloé] He doesn't want you
to feel like you're obligated.

I don't feel obligated.
Like, we want to go.

[Khloé] No, I know.
I just want him to feel it, guys.

-Feel the love.
-Feel it.

Okay.

[Kim] With the new baby and everything
that I have going on,

and Bruce isn't around the house
on a daily basis,

I just didn't even think to plan
something for Bruce on his birthday.

But of course, Khloé, Little Miss Perfect,
she thinks of everything first,

just to make us all look bad.

We will be there.

-[Khloé] Okay.
-Okay, bye.

[Kim] I feel like
Khloé is making us look bad.

She, like, has to be,
like, his favorite, you know?

I feel like I need to outdo Khloé.
I want him to feel like we all care.

[Kourtney] Yeah, but what could you do?
He doesn't care about presents.

I know.

We should have got him a singing telegram.

[upbeat music]

-Kim, what's the password on this?
-Is that my computer?

Your new more natural look
is much better for you.

[Kim] Thank you, Kanye.
That's what he tells me every day.

He just paid me to say that.

Did you see this?

-[Kim] Where did that come out?
-Is it warm in here?

You guys, I think it would be really cool
if we found someone, you know,

like, some of Bruce's old teammates.
Type in, like, "Olympics".

-From the US team or other countries?
-The US team. Let me look.

I'm trying to understand what exactly
you guys are trying to accomplish.

-I just want him to feel like we really…
-Feel special,

because Khloé said he only thinks
Kendall, Kylie and Khloé

-care about him.
-Yeah.

[Kim] Bruce, we all know,
loves to talk about the Olympic Games

and his life during that time,

so, what better surprise
for Bruce on his birthday

than to find some guys that actually
lived these moments with him?

Okay, so, in the Montreal games,
where Bruce won,

there were 396 competitors.

So, we don't care about archery
or men's boxing…

[Kourtney] Speak for yourself.

He needs somebody in the trial…
What does he do, triathlon?

Like, jumping off and jumping over?

-He was a solo guy.
-Whatever. He was a solo singer.

[Kourtney] So here, "Final standings.
Fred Samara, Fred Dixon," and that's it.

Should we call Fred and Fred?

[Scott] I doubt he's listed.
He was a [bleeped] Olympic athlete.

No, wait. Look, his number
is listed right here.

Oh, perfect. Hit him up.

[line ringing]

[Fred Samara] Hello.

Hi. Is this Fred?

[Fred Samara] Yes, it is.

-Hi. It's Kim Kardashian. How are you?
-[Fred Samara] Oh, wow.

Hi. I'm fine.

You competed with my stepdad, Bruce,
in the Olympics in 1976.

[Fred Samara] Yeah. Two Freds and Bruce.
[laughs]

Yes, a Fred sandwich.

[Kim]
I know this is the craziest request ever,

but we want to find
some of his old teammates

to join us for a birthday dinner.

[Fred Samara] Well, that would be amazing.
I'd love to do it.

Thank you so much.

Do you have the other Fred's number,
so I can invite him as well?

[Fred Samara]
No, I don't actually have it.

I could cyber-stalk him and find it.

[Fred Samara] Uh…

[upbeat music]

[Kendall] You go very, very, very slow.

See, you just can't be in a rush
when you're driving.

I'm not ever in a rush.
I'm just a little bit smarter.

-Oh, it's smarter.
-[Kendall] Yeah.

[humming]
[Bruce] House hunting.

[Kendall] Mm-hm.

-Are you excited?
-[Kendall] Yeah.

You know what would be cool
is if you could actually, uh,

get a house out in Malibu.

[Kendall] Yeah, I thought about that.

My older brothers, Brandon and Brody,
love living in Malibu.

[Brody] Any time you want
to stay away from all the drama,

come hang out with your older brothers.
Cruise out.

[Kendall] And I'm really excited
to look at the same area.

When you make that drive out to Malibu,
you get out there and it's…

You're a million miles away from the city.

Yeah.

Boy, how do you think Mom will do?

[Bruce] If I'm out of the house
a couple of months,

-you're out of the house…
-Kylie wants to stay with me a lot.

[Kendall] She'll be all alone.

[Tomer] Got three bedrooms,

so the secondary bedrooms
are towards the front of the house.

This is kind of combination
formal living room, formal dining room.

It's a more open floor plan.

-It's open 'cause it's a single story.
-Yeah.

[Kendall] Well,
this kitchen is so cute.

[Bruce] This is the best room here.

[Tomer] They've got, like, I think,
12 or 13-foot ceilings.

You know, you could just give up
on all this and move in with me.

[Kendall] Cool.

Look at all the money you'd save.

[Kendall] Yeah, maybe.

House hunting has been
a little different than I anticipated.

I still haven't really found
a place that I'm in love with.

I definitely have to keep looking

'cause hopefully,
I'll find something soon.

-It's a cute house.
-Nice house.

-For your daughter, yeah.
-Yeah.

Ah. Nice house.

[upbeat music]

[Khloé] How much can I pay you
to get that bar out of your ear?

It just looks like it hurts.

-So '90s.
-[Kim] Bruce, with your ponytail,

I don't think you can comment
on Kylie's ear bar.

Hold it, hey! What is in your mouth?
Open up your mouth.

Listen, you want a ponytail.
She wants a grill.

I want burgundy lips.
She wants bunny ears.

[Khloé] We're all good to go, okay?

So, we don't have a long time
to plan, you guys.

We only have a few days
until the garage sale.

Are you, like, getting rid
of all my stuff, or what?

No! I'm just going through all the crap
that everyone says I've been hoarding

for the last 20 years.

We're gonna do this for charity.

Speaking of charity, you guys,
what charity do you want to give it to?

What about, um, a charity
for hungry children in America?

I vote Fisher House
for veterans coming home

who are gravely injured

for them and their family.

Whatever we make, we could match it

-and give to the other charity.
-[Kim] I like that.

[Bruce] Even a better idea.

You just came up with the best idea,
and I love that.

All right, guys. I'm gonna go.

I'm sad that I have to miss
Kendall and Bruce's birthday,

but Scott and I are going to New York
to get everything situated with his dad.

You know, it's much more important for me
to be in New York with Scott.

So, we'll have a birthday next year.

Goodbye, P! Bye!

Yeah, good wave. That was very good.

[upbeat music]

[Kim] Whoo! Six Flags!

You're gonna die at this ride, Brandon.
It's crazy.

[Kendall] I'm excited that today,
we are renting out all of Magic Mountain

to celebrate my birthday,

just 'cause you get on a ride
and you're so scared

and then you do it
and you have so much fun.

And it's almost like turning 18,

and you're kind of scared
to be independent and whatever

and then you do it
and you're having so much fun.

[screaming]

Everybody ready! Let's rock and roll!

Yeah, no, thanks.

What the [bleeped]? I'm not down for this.

-You ready?
-[woman] Full throttle.

[screaming]

I am so not going on that ride.

Maybe we can just go climb that tree
and call it a day.

Right.

That was so fun.

[woman] Whoo!

[Kris] Bruce!

Can I talk to you for a sec?

So, what did I do wrong? Why am I in the…

This is really the first opportunity
that I've had to talk to Bruce

about Kendall moving out.

[Kris]
And I just want to know what they're up to

and why he's in such a rush to get her
out of the house and to move to Malibu.

Don't you think it's weird
if we're on this…

opposite pages when it comes to Kendall?

-Opposite pages?
-[Kris] Yeah.

You're saying it's a great idea
that she moves out when she's 18

and I think she should stay home
for a little while.

I don't want to ruin it for her.

We'll wait till we get on the ride.
Then we'll talk about it.

Why do I refuse to comply
with Kris' kind of thinking, okay?

Hey, it's very simple.

All of a sudden, now, Kendall's got to do
all these things herself.

You know, cook her own food,

do her own laundry,
get her own ironing done.

And I think, you know,
it's time for her to, you know,

kind of take that next step in life.

We don't want to discuss this around her.
Wait till we get on the ride.

Khloé! Let's go.

No! Bruce, I don't do roller coasters.

[Kris] I'm upset because you keep
taking Kendall's side

and allowing her, like, to move out.

-And she's 18 years old.
-[Bruce] Of course.

Yeah. She's a very mature girl.

[Bruce] I can't believe Kris is upset

that I'm encouraging Kendall
to move out of the house

when she's only 18 years old.

I was 18 years old.

I moved out of the house.
I never came back.

You know, kids do this.

She's a lot more mature than Kim was
when she moved out at 18

and you didn't have problems with that.

And honestly, I think
it would be good for her to move out.

-Wait, wait, wait.
-I mean, look what…

[Kris] What's going on? Oh, [bleeped].

[Kris screaming]

I mean, look what's going on at our house.

[Bruce] Kanye there
and all these people there.

It would be perfect for her
to have her own place,

get her out on her own,

get the responsibility
that goes along with it.

[screaming continues]

-You know?
-Can we do it again?

Did you hear anything I was saying?

No.

[Khloé] Oh, basketball.

Whoo! Go, Kim!

[Kim] Thank you.

-[Bruce] Well, this is fun.
-[Kendall] Yes.

I don't want you to grow up.

It's a little suspicious that Bruce
wants her to move to Malibu

so she can be closer to him.

[Kris] Bruce!

And I'm not gonna take it anymore.

How about we have a little challenge?

-If I win…
-[Bruce] Cash.

No. If I win,
you got to back off with Kendall.

No.

-Come on.
-[Bruce] No.

-[Kris] Yes.
-I'm not gonna back off on that.

Something else.

You know, one night at the house.

One last sh*t.

Ew!

[Bruce] Come on, honey.

-I'm going to kick your little butt here.
-[Kris] It's, like, crazy.

[Bruce] They're, like, impossible to get.

[bottles clinking]

This is like having sex
for a really long time

-and never having an orgasm.
-[Bruce] Yeah, right.

I wouldn't know on that department.

The whole key to this
is do as many as you can.

I hate this game.

Oh, my God, I just got it on!

Did you actually get it?

[Kris] I win the bet!
[laughs]

You got to back off.

No. Actually, I think you get one
of those teddy bears.

[screaming]

I'm gonna wake up tomorrow,
I'm not gonna be able to move at all.

Like, right now, I'm just like…

That's what I feel like I'm doing
right now, I'm just gonna,

-"Hey, guys. Hey, what's going on?"
-Yeah.

[woman] Do it with me.

-Do it with me.
-I don't know!

I've never… This one is crazy.

[man] Come on, don't be scared.

No, hell, no.

[Brandon] This is just nuts.

[Kendall] It's kind of cool
spending today with my whole family.

I love you, Mom and Dad!

That's the old spirit.

[Bruce] Bye!

[woman] Oh, my God!

[Kendall] 'Cause even though I want to be
an independent woman,

I still like to have fun.

-[woman] Oh, my God!
-[people cheering]

[Bruce] I'm proud of both of you.

[Kendall] Blue.

How's the new dog working out?

Good.

Blue, come here.

[Kendall] I got her a blue collar.

[Bruce]
Then why is she wearing the red collar?

'Cause it had to be delivered.

-You special-ordered the dog a collar?
-[Kendall] Mm-hm.

[Bruce] Anyway, are you ready
to go look at some more houses?

-Yes.
-You could, uh, still move out to Malibu.

I haven't made any decisions.

I'm just trying to find one that
I'm, like, in love with. I'm in no rush.

-But…
-Hey, Kenny.

-What are you guys talking about?
-Hello.

[Bruce] Houses.

I thought we weren't gonna talk
about houses anymore, remember?

Yeah, right.

[Kris] I won the bet at Magic Mountain,

and he's still going behind my back
trying to pressure Kendall to move out.

I'm not happy and this isn't cool.

She's quite capable. I've been telling you
that from the beginning.

She's quite capable
of figuring this out herself.

Then why do you keep
telling her what to do…

I'm not,
I'm just helping her to do it.

-Oh, okay.
-[Bruce] And you want her to stay here…

It sounds like you guys
are fighting over me.

[Kris] I thought we weren't gonna talk
about houses anymore, remember?

This is what I think.

Okay, I'm out.
If Kendall goes, Kylie is not far behind.

[Bruce] You're stuck in this big house
all by yourself.

[Kris] Yeah. I want her to live upstairs

-in her bedroom.
-She's quite capable of figuring this out…

Then why do you keep
telling her what to do…

I'm not, I'm just helping her to do it.

-Oh, okay.
-[Kendall] You guys?

I am legally an adult,
and I can do what I want.

[Kendall] Don't want you guys
to use me moving out as a reason

to get upset with each other.

I am never going to be ready
to let Kendall go.

[Kris] Kendall, I can't tell you
that I'm jumping up and down for joy,

but we're gonna support you
no matter what.

I think the one thing
that I have to realize

is that Kendall is now an adult,

and she needs to not always have us
fight over her.

So now, it's time to give her
a little credit, and trust her decisions,

and let her be a grown-up.

I get you. And I get you. It's fine.

[Bruce] Good. Let's go look for a house.

All right, whatever you want, Kendall,
I'm right there with you.

They're dropping like flies.

[upbeat music]

[Khloé] Yay!

-Look who it is!
-Hi, Khloé.

How are you?

-[Khloé] Good. How are you?
-Look at this!

Nice work, Khloé.

-Oh, my God!
-[Bruce] A little helicopter!

-[Khloé] It's not little.
-[Bruce] Thank you.

Very good. Thank you so much, babe.

-That's really sweet of you.
-Oh, Brucey.

-I know, you've always been my favorite.
-Oh. Why, thanks.

I was gonna say,
"There's other people here."

-[Khloé] Oh, my gosh!
-Your hair is so long.

-Hi! Love you.
-[Kendall] Love you.

-Thank you for coming.
-How cute are these.

This is a whole outfit, Khlo.

I'm really liking this!

[Bruce] If we're gonna do this,
let's do it right.

-Voila!
-Yeah, look at that. That's a good look.

Yeah.

Can I have one of these?
Can I just s*ab one…

Uh, yeah.

[Bruce] What time was
this supposed to start?

Is anybody… Is anybody else showing up?

My little Khloé, of course,
would come through for a birthday party.

It certainly is appreciated,
but where the other people are,

I don't know.
They have busy schedules.

That's one of the reasons
why I didn't want to have a party.

[line ringing]

-[Kris] Hello.
-[Khloé] Mom?

[Bruce] Brody's not coming.
They got things to do.

-[Kris] Yeah?
-Where are you?

[line ringing]

I hate everyone,

-besides everyone that's in here.
-[Brandon] Thank you, Khloé,

for clearing that up.

-[Kris] Hello.
-Mom?

[Bruce] Brody's not coming.
They got things to do.

-[Kris] Yeah?
-Where are you?

[Bruce] It may just be us.
We should order.

-[Kris] I'm just walking in.
-Okay, cool.

-[beeps]
-[Khloé] Oh.

-Dad, what are you doing?
-[Khloé] Got it.

-[Bruce] Stealing some of your butter.
-Hang up on me.

-Happy birthday!
-Hi!

That is so funny.

-Hi.
-Hi.

[Kim] Hey, guys! Hi, Khlo.

I, uh, was gonna bring the baby,
but I left her by herself with Kanye,

-and I'm, like, so freaked out.
-Oh, wow.

-[Kris] Nobody else in the house.
-[Kim] No one's at home.

-So I answer the…
-He's the only one with the baby?

[Khloé] This'll be good for him.

-First time you've done that?
-[Kim] I know.

-Hopefully, she won't pee for a while.
-[Bruce] Well, it's time to get him going!

-[Kim chuckles]
-[Bruce] Thank you.

-Khloé, you're the cutest party giver…
-[Kim] You're welcome.

-…by the way.
-I am.

[Bruce] I am impressed.

[Khloé chuckles]

[Kim] Do you like the golf ball
and the helicopter cake we got you?

-[Khloé chuckles]
-[Kris] This cake is everything.

Bruce, we have a few surprises
for you tonight.

-[Bruce] Is there? What?
-We have a few surprises for you tonight.

-More?
-She was telling us about that.

-You have surprises?
-Jeff Dunham is naked.

[knocking on door]

[triumphant music]

-[Khloé] Bruce.
-Huh?

I found two of Bruce's teammates,
Fred Dixon and Fred Samara,

and I'm a little nervous.

[Kim] I really hope that
Bruce likes these guys.

I would be so devastated if Bruce
didn't even know who they were.

It has been, like, 35 years
since he's seen them all.

Hello, Bruce.

Fred Dixon and Fred Samara.

Where the hell did you come in from?

-A little of my past!
-Happy birthday.

[Bruce] Thank you.

-It's good seeing you.
-[Kim] Yeah, party!

[Bruce] My teammates!

How cool is that?

-[Fred Dixon] It's good.
-This is very cool.

[laughing]

This is the 1976 Olympic team.

This is the first time
that all three guys,

who were on
the Olympic decathlon team in 1976,

have gotten together in, what…
It's been 37 years!

That's amazing!

Bruce, you were so surprised.

Yeah! Fred Dixon and Fred Samara
walk in the door! Yeah.

Big surprise is we're gonna go out
in the parking lot…

And we're gonna run a hundred?
[laughs]

No, thank you. No, thank you, Fred.

[Bruce] Well, he's still…
See? He's still in shape.

-I just want to say, happy birthday…
-[Bruce] Thank you.

…to one of the greatest guys
in the entire universe.

And I have listened to you
for the last 23 years,

how I've heard stories
about your buddies, 575,000 times…

But these are the actual guys.

And to have you guys here on this night
means everything because… Ah.

[mellow music]

-[Fred Dixon] Thank you for inviting us.
-That's really cool.

[Bruce] As things have changed

with Kris' and my relationship
and me living out in Malibu,

this birthday party really proves that,
uh, you know, my family still loves me,

and, uh, they're very thoughtful,

and they got me a present
that I could never buy,

no matter what I had, you know,

and that's the friendships
I've had throughout my life,

and, uh, it honestly
really means a lot to me.

They put a lot of thought into this.

You guys, he is loving these friends.

-[Khloé] I know. His face?
-[Kim] He is so excited.

[Kendall] Dad.

[honking]

Thank you all for being here,
especially the Freds.

This is so cool! I can't believe
you're, like, sitting here.

Or that we're still here.

[laughs]

[upbeat music]

[Kris] "Queen Elizabeth II…"

What?

What is going on here?

"Bruce Jenner Day"?
Who knew he was so special?

[Bruce] I still haven't lost it.

This is the official scoresheet
from the Games.

[grunts]
I'm number one.

Khloé made that,
so let's put it in the garage sale.

-Okay.
-[Kris] Oh, my God.

These are my wedding shoes.

-[Bruce] With Robert?
-No, with you.

[Bruce] Oh, cool.

I was on that.

Bruce and I have shared
so many amazing years together.

This is purple.
[laughs]

-[Bruce] That's wild.
-[Kris] We have been

the best parents that we know how to be,

and I think that we look forward
to other chapters in our lives together

and making even more memories.

[Bruce] Your father's baby hair.

-It's taped right there.
-Oh, my God, it is!

That is so cool.

[Kris] Here they come.

-Hi, paparazzi!
-[laughs]

They just are such idiots.

[upbeat music]

[Khloé] What is this?

Dude, seriously?

Oh, why do you need this extra long ruler?

[Kourtney]
I don't even know whose that is.

[Khloé] You guys…

[Kourtney] Yes, I did need it. See?

[Khloé] I am determined
to get this out of here.

-Kourt.
-[Kourtney] Mm?

[Khloé] What's below me?

Oh, yeah!

We're getting rid of the basket, man!
And the ruler!

Nice job.

[Khloé] Yeah!

The ruler needs to stay.

-No, give me back the ruler!
-It was a great…

No.
[laughs]

-No!
-If it weren't for the ruler,

-you wouldn't be getting…
-Kourtney…

-What are you gonna do with this?
-[Kourtney] Measure myself.

And it helped save the day.

-[Khloé] You need that pink car?
-[Kourtney] Yes.

-[Khloé] Who rides that?
-[Kourtney] Penelope.

The fact that you have cars
inside of cars…

[Khloé] I feel like we could definitely
get rid of that pink thing.

It all goes to charity,

so someone would get this.

But P likes it.
She only has, like, one car that's hers,

so you're going to take
her only other car away?

Oh, don't do that.

[Khloé] This whole yard sale
is Kourtney's idea,

so I really don't get why Kourtney has
the least amount of things

to contribute to the yard sale.

You are the one who judges everyone
about their hoarding skills,

but you've donated
the least amount of stuff.

But Mom got it for her
for her first Christmas.

[Khloé] What? This thing?

[Kourtney] Yes.

Kourtney, are you turning into Mom?

And you're gonna keep everything

that you guys believe is sentimental
but it's really not?

[Kourtney] Ow.

[upbeat music]

-[Jonathan] Welcome to the garage sale.
-[chuckles]

[Kim] Mom, look,
Bruce could sign these paddles.

[Kris] Out with the old, in with the new.

[Kim] My skis?

-Who said I would sell my skis?
-[Kris] I did.

I'll take 100 dollars for those.

-[Kourtney] Hey, Brucey!
-[Bruce] Oh, my God, Kourt's even here!

-Do you want to help us?
-Hi, Brucey!

-[Bruce] You brought a rock?
-Is there anything I'm gonna want to buy?

[Khloé] Kourtney, no!

People are coming.

This is going to be a really fun day
because I'm here with the whole family.

My girlfriend Carnie Wilson is here,
and she's brought all of her baked goods

and she's an amazing cook.

-Raspberry bar.
-And this is peanut butter?

Peanut butter, yeah.

[Khloé] All of the money goes
to feed children.

All of the proceeds are going to charity,
which actually motivates me

to release some of the clutter
that we have accumulated over the years

and, at the same time,
bring attention to some causes

that are really important to our family.

-How much is this?
-Thirty bucks.

[man] Okay, it's a deal.

-[Kris] Thirty…
-[Kim] You should've at least

-said a hundred for that bag.
-[Kris] Forty…

-Then you should've said it.
-Here you go.

In the Meantime. This book got me
through my first divorce.

[camera shutter clicks]

[Bruce] Next up. What do you think, Khloé?

These? Five and five.

[Khloé] And, Kourtney?

[Kourtney] Really cute.

No, how much, you idiot.
I'm not asking you.

[Bruce] This place is filling up, guys.

-This has been in the family forever.
-[Kris] I know.

[Bruce] Good. Thirty bucks to charity.
That's a deal.

[Kourtney] Khloé!

-[Khloé] Kourtney, I'm helping!
-[woman] We're taking it.

-[Jonathan] Uh, 25 for these two.
-[woman] Cool.

-[Khloé] Thank you.
-[Jonathan] Next.

[Khloé] Kourtney!

She will not let us sell this.
Let's do the "sell it" chant.

-[Khloé] Sell it! Sell it! Sell it!
-[Bruce] Six… Six dollars?

Kourtney is delusional.

[Kourtney] My God,
I used to love these dolls.

[Khloé] We're getting rid of [bleeped]

and you have a lot of [bleeped]
to get rid of.

Like, you are a little mini hoarder,
and it's gross.

-How much is this?
-Ten bucks and it's yours

and it's out the door. How's that?

[Kourtney] Ten bucks for what?

-What is that?
-[Khloé] Kourtney, relax.

-Thank you, all, for charity.
-[Kourtney] Khloé, that's enough.

Where's my pink bike?

[Khloé] We sold it.

-No, you did not. Stop lying.
-Kourtney, that's why it's here.

I sold it for 20 bucks.

[Kourtney] That's not nice.

-That was Penelope's…
-It's not yours!

…that you got her for her first Christmas.

[Kris] Are you going to cry?

-Yeah, good choice.
-[Khloé] Thank you, guys.

All for a good cause.

-Where's my pink bike?
-[Khloé] I sold it for 20 bucks.

[Kourtney] That's not nice.

-[Kris] What did she sell?
-My pink bike.

-That was Penelope's…
-It's not yours!

…that you got her for her first Christmas.

-[Kris] Are you gonna cry?
-No, she wouldn't let me bring it here.

There's 40 of them at the house.

[Kris] Did we sell it?

-Yeah.
-[Khloé] Oh, thank you.

-I'm sorry.
-[Khloé] Yeah!

Kourtney happens to be exactly like me
when it comes to parting with things.

[Kris] Everything has a memory.

We're both emotional hoarders.

[Khloé] Kourtney.

You're making a fool out of yourself.

-This is a garage sale…
-There's things…

…that you planned.

I think you have to reevaluate the things
that you bring to the garage sale

and now you're putting back in your bag.

[Kourtney] As much as I criticize
my mom being a hoarder,

I realize that I am exactly the same way,

and it's just hard to get rid of things.

Everything has a story behind it.

It's, like, emotional to me.

-[girl] How much is this jacket?
-[Kourtney] Ooh, that's cute.

I would say 15?

-[girl] Okay. Thank you.
-You're welcome.

But I'm happy to see that somebody else
can enjoy all these things.

Kylie, I need you
to help me add all this stuff.

-[Kourtney] Khloé.
-[Khloé] What?

[Kourtney] That's Scott.

[chuckles]
What is he doing, though?

Scott decided to prank my mom

because she always falls
for all of our pranks.

[Kourtney] That guy just pinched my butt
and ran away.

[Kris] What? Can we get
some security right here?

With everything going on with his mom
and he's been stressed out,

I love seeing
Scott having fun with everyone

and really, you know, opening up.

[Kris] That's not funny.

Seriously not funny.

He just grabbed Carnie's food
from her table.

And then threw it! Where's security?

[laughs]
[Scott] You come here, little lady!

[Kris] What is happening?

[screams]

[Kris] I almost had a heart att*ck.

Scott, I'm going to k*ll you!

Oh, my God.

You look very, very nice.

[Kim] Next on Keeping Up
with the Kardashians…

We have people going through
life transitions that come here.

This is the first time in my life
I don't really know exactly where to turn.

I have nothing to say.

-[Scott] I poured my heart out.
-[Kourtney] But I'm not into it.

Rob's test results
came back really bad, and it's scary.

[Kris] You gained a great deal of weight.

Your liver is shutting down.

This is life-threatening.

I don't know. I just hate, as your sister,
seeing you stuck in this place.

It's not fair that, like,
this is even something that,

-I think, anyone has to go through.
-We know it's hard on you.

I said, "Okay, like, do you understand,

if you keep not showing up
to therapy that I'm done?"