09x14 - A Thailand Vacation: Part 1

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Keeping Up With the Kardashians". Aired: October 14, 2007 - 2021.*
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Reality series of the Kardashian family featuring Kim, Kourtney, Khloe and the rest of the Kardashian/Jenner clan personal and professional lives.
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09x14 - A Thailand Vacation: Part 1

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[Kim] Previously
on Keeping Up with the Kardashians…

[Khloe] I have to be out in a few days,
Lamar’s in Spain.

He just, like,
left me with all of his [bleep].

Who was [bleep] with my safe?

Somebody has the balls to steal
several hundred thousand dollars

worth of stuff from you.

[Khloe]
I’ve been violated so much recently.

I guess that was the way
it was supposed to end.

[upbeat music]

Let’s do this. Great.

The past few days
have been pretty [bleep].

I don’t know why all this stuff
happens to me. I don’t really get it.

I’ve missed you.

I miss you, too.

[Khloe] I am homeless right now.

But once I have a plan,
I know I’ll feel better about everything.

[Khloe] Okay.

[Rob] Are you good?

Yes, I am. Yes, I am. Are you good?

[Rob] Mm-hm. Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

I’m excited to live with Rob.

I miss him and I get to spend
time with him.

-There’s candles in the rooms.
-I see. Thank you, Robby.

-And I put little sex toys in your shower.
-Rob, that’s so nice of you!

I think this is just gonna take
some time to adjust.

But there’s no turning back.

I brought lingerie over for you.

[Rob] Nice.

[upbeat music]

[dogs whimpering]

-Stop, Khloé.
-You just did it to me.

[Kourtney] You want to do it back?

[screaming]
Stop!

-[Khloe] Say you’re sorry.
-Sorry, you ugly troll.

Oh, that’s a good one.

-[Bruce] Let’s go.
-Come on.

-[Kris] So, guys…
-[Kourtney] Khloe taught me…

…we all have to decide…

-It goes like this.
-…where it is we’re gonna go

on vacation this year, and I need a vote.

So, I want everybody to write down
on a piece of paper…

-You got to stand up and do it…
-[Kris] Write your vote…

-…and you go over your boobs.
-[Bruce] Guys?

-Are you listening?
-Shut the [bleep] up!

Can I please go on vacation now?

[Khloe] I want to be alone with you guys…

-Okay.
-…so badly.

[Kris]
This is gonna be a fun family vacation.

Because even though Bruce and I
may not be together day to day,

we’re gonna have the most amazing time
on vacation, right?

Why’d you have to bring that up?

Just clearing it up.

I love vacation because it means
that I get to actually relax a little bit.

But Bruce and I have been apart
for a while,

and even though
we’re getting along really well…

-[Bruce] Don’t peek.
-…we tend to get a little cranky

with each other
if we spend too much time together.

[Bruce] Khloé, the only one we don’t have
a vote on is Rob. Where is he?

At the gym, actually.

Is he even gonna show up
on this family vacation?

Yeah, everybody’s gonna go.
Okay, first one is Italy.

Oh, my God, love.

-Jamaica.
-Jamaica is sick, I’ve heard!

-Thailand.
-[Bruce] Nobody’s been there.

[Kris] Capri. Oh, here’s another Thailand.

Armenia. That’s Kim.

Go, Keeks! That was a good one!

[Kris] Turkey… Who wrote "Turkey"?

-Me.
-[Kim] Bruce!

[Kris] And Ibiza.

[Khloe] Ibiza!

There are two votes for one place,

and majority rules,
so it’s Thailand, ladies and gentlemen.

-[Khloe] So fun!
-Oh, yeah!

[Kris] I’m gonna get a Thai massage.

You know what they do
in a Thai massage, right?

No. What?

-They give you a bonus.
-[Kris] Do they?

-Is that what a happy ending is?
-[laughs]

That sounds really enjoyable.

-What’s the number?
-Ew.

[cameras clicking]

[door chimes open]

[Kim] Do you have a ring flash?

Yeah, it’s not a flash. It’s a ring light.

-A ring light, yeah.
-[man] Right.

-Like a little sparkle.
-[Kim] Ooh, what is that?

-Underwater camera!
-Oh, my God. We need one.

-Can we get an underwater camera?
-We need one of those.

Kanye is in Germany, so he isn’t able
to come on this trip.

So, to make him feel like
he’s a part of it, I am gonna make him,

like, the ultimate Thailand selfie book.

[man] This is the SX50. This is
the number one camera for safaris.

And then you can turn that around,

so if you wanted
to take a picture of yourself…

-Always. It’s the purpose of life.
-Like that.

It’s so zoomed in though.
I don’t want to see that close.

It’s really bright.

Oh, my God, I need this. I just need this.

[Kim groans]

People are calling and trying to get
their plus ones invited to the wedding.

Why is that a big deal?

[Kim] The venue does not have the space.

-Do I still get to go?
-[Kim] Maybe.

-Do I get a plus one?
-No.

-[Khloe] I don’t get a plus one.
-[Kim] Do you want a plus one?

No, I have Rob.

[Khloe] Honestly,
we’ve been having so much fun.

All we do is, like,
play and tease each other.

[Khloe]
I think Rob and I have a special bond.

I mean, him and I are closer in age,

and everyone was always
paired up together.

It was Kourtney and Kim,
then Kendall and Kylie. It was me and Rob.

[Kris] You want to get down, yes?
Come on, Robert.

-[squeals]
-[Bruce] He’s gonna get your hair!

[giggles]

And we do in a very platonic way,

we act like a married couple
because we’ve always lived together.

Khloé, do you think that he seems like
he’s gonna go on this vacation with us?

Yeah, I mean, he says he is. He’s excited.

I think I may sympathize
with what Rob is going through

’cause I’ve been through a lot, too.

And I know that Rob has deeper issues
than just weight.

You know, Rob was very close to Lamar
and very attached to him.

And I think Rob has taken
a very big hit with my divorce as well.

When you get your house,
I think it would be really great

if he lived with you.

I feel responsible
for a lot of Rob’s issues,

and I feel like it’s my job
to lift him back up.

It’s now gonna be up to you to make sure
that you keep him motivated to go.

’Cause if he keeps excited,
then he’ll come.

[Kim] Wait, where’s Kendall?

-Kenny? Kendall!
-Kendall!

-[Khloe] You look so good in that dress.
-[Kim] Thank you.

[Kim] So, I wanted to tell you guys…

[Khloe] Something’s happening
if your little cheerleader is standing up,

smirking like a little PETA pet.

First of all, this cannot leave the room.

[Khloe] Uh-oh.

'Cause what I’m gonna tell you guys
does not come out till Monday,

but it’s really a big deal to me.

So, I wanted you to know
before it came out.

-[Khloe] What is happening?
-Okay, well, um…

So, I wanted to tell you guys

that, um…

-I’m pregnant.
-What?

[Kendall] What are you talking about?

-Are you really?
-Yeah.

-There is no way.
-[Kendall] Kim, bible.

No, you’re lying…

-[Kim] I’m just kidding.
-Oh, my God!

You’re so annoying!
Why would you say that?

I wanted to see what you guys would say,

but remember that day that you guys
were calling me, like, "Where…

You’re MIA. Where have you been?"
Like, two months ago?

I don’t remember at all.

Okay, well,
Kanye and I sh*t the cover of Vogue.

And it comes out on Monday,
and I’m so excited.

-[Kendall] Vogue what?
-[Kim] American Vogue.

American Vogue,
and Annie Leibovitz sh*t it.

[Khloe] Why are you so excited?

Mom is, like, geeking out over there.
Are you in the background?

We did a sh*t in Mom’s room
and she was holding North.

-And I’m sitting there…
-[Kylie] She was in it!

-She’s in one sh*t.
-[Kylie] See? That’s why she…

-[Khloe] That’s why you’re excited.
-Yeah, that’s why you’re so excited.

[Kylie] Are we gonna see the pictures?

I took pictures just, like, on my iPhone,
but I don’t even know what the images are.

[Kim] This is when we had lunch with Anna.

Anna Wintour is the editor
of Vogue magazine.

She is probably
the most powerful woman in fashion.

And we’re sitting there and she says,

"I would love to get different designers
to make you wedding gowns,

and do a whole sh**t for Vogue."

[Kim]
This is when we met up and she told me.

I mean, this is just like
when you’re a little girl,

and you have this fairy tale
of being this princess.

It’s, like, the same exact thing.

Oh, and Michael Kors made me
an all-rhinestone gown that was so cool.

[Khloe]
Remember when Kim did Canine magazine?

[laughter]

This is her biggest dream
come true in her life.

It would be like her
getting Karl Lagerfeld Chanel.

-Oh, my God!
-Oh, my God!

[Khloe giggling]

[Kris]
Can everybody say "Congratulations, Kim"?

-Congratulations, Kiki!
-Congratulations!

[Kris] For us, it's a big deal.

My sisters’ reaction is so disappointing.

This is such a big deal for me,
and they could care less.

[Kim] I can’t wait for it to come out.

[Kourtney] This is so amazing.
I’m so proud to have you as my sister.

[Khloe giggles]

-Your sister’s on the cover of Vogue.
-[Kourtney] I really am.

Your sister’s on the cover of Vogue!

Well, they want me to do Natural Health
magazine, guys, the cover!

[Kourtney] How do you feel about that?

-Natural Health…
-I’m so proud of you!

I knew your go-green lifestyle
would get you far.

Nope, nope. Nope, nope.
Nope, nope, nope, nope.

You know, I have some stuff
on the computer

that we can start planning
for that Thailand trip.

[Bruce] We got to do some fun stuff.

We just can’t go down there
and, like, lay on the beach.

There’s nothing wrong
with relaxing and laying on the beach.

You can go to Mexico. You can come out
to the beach house in Malibu.

Haven’t you seen the pictures online?

I’m gonna swim with my daughter
every day in the pool.

They have three or four beautiful pools.

[Bruce] But I heard they got, like,
zip-lines and paddleboards and--

I can’t go down there,
and hit the ground running

-and, like, get suited up for zip-lining.
-We only have, what, five, six days there.

Every time we go on vacation, Kris wants
to sit around and lay on the beach.

We need to relax a little first.

[Bruce] I want to do things.

I want to see the country.
I want to have a good time.

Why don’t I do all the planning
of the fun stuff?

[Kendall] Are you already arguing?
We haven’t even gotten there?

They’re already fighting
and we’re not even there yet.

Hearing my parents bicker is not fun.

I’m just wondering if this is
what the vacation’s gonna be like.

We may have differences of opinion,
but it’s a discussion.

-[Kim] Mom?
-[Kris] Yeah?

Do you think I should bring this
as a cover-up

-for Thailand?
-[Kris] Yeah, I love it. Love.

[Kim] Okay, I am almost done packing.

My stuff has been packed for so long
that it’s gonna all be wrinkled.

-So, why do you do that to yourself?
-[Kris] I don’t know.

I’m anxious,
and I’m having an anxiety att*ck.

-About what?
-Just spending

a crazy amount of time with Bruce.

Now that you live in separate homes,
it’s, like, officially different.

I know, but I don’t want to fight
with him in front of the girls.

I’m thinking I have got to spend
all this time with him,

and all he talks about is
we’re gonna go zip-lining

and we’re gonna do all this stuff,
and he’s… It’s overwhelming!

So, why don’t you invite Brandon
and Brody and Leah?

And then that way…

-That helps.
-…he can do all the zip-lining.

If you don’t want to do activities
all day long, invite his kids.

[Kris] It’s a great idea to bring
Bruce’s kids to Thailand.

Number one, we can all be together
and have an amazing vacation.

Number two, selfishly,
they’ll help me keep Bruce busy.

I want to go on vacation
and see this beautiful country,

but I also want to have a minute.

-Yeah.
-It’s a great idea. I love it.

-Okay.
-That’s what I’m good for.

[Kim]
Say your prayers that they’re available.

[Kim] You have to try these meatballs
Mom made. It’s so good.

-It’s good.
-Is it good?

[Kim] You really are a good chef.

I can cook really well if I want to.
It’s fine.

-[Kourtney] Hey!
-Here to give us our sh*ts?

-Yeah, I am.
-[Bruce] Dr. B! How many sh*ts is this?

For you, 12 or 14.

-[Scott] Rob, are you going to Thailand?
-[Khloe] I wasn’t planning on eating.

-Yeah, of course.
-Rob!

Khloé.

Rob showing up to get
his vaccination sh*ts,

it’s one step closer to Thailand.

-[Bruce] My God, right in his eyeball!
-[Rob] Jesus’ eyeball.

No, into his crown.

Just the fact that he’s here
is a really big step.

And I think this is really
just what he needs right now.

-[Scott] Pinch her.
-Oh, thank you, blue boy!

[Kris] Where am I getting the sh*t?

Usually in your arm, but, I mean, for you…

-In my ass.
-Mom, stop with the whole ass thing.

Wait, why does that hurt?

-[bleep] Why did that hurt?
-Sorry.

You’re mean.

But thank you.

You ruined my outfits!
What do I do, North?

-[North coos]
-[Kim] It’s okay. A little baby throw up.

That just means I’m gonna smell
just like you… on the plane.

Come on, guys, we’re gonna be late.

-Dad!
-Hey.

-[Bruce] Ready to go?
-[Kris] Yeah.

Well, let’s start our trip
halfway around the world.

[Bruce] Kourtney decided not to go?

Yeah, she’s not feeling very well,
and Mason’s got two ear infections.

-[Bruce] Where’s Rob? Is he coming?
-[Kris] I don’t know.

Rob was supposed to come with Khloé.

Well, we’re here.

[paparazzi clamoring]

Thank you.

Well, that was a mad dash.

Yeah.

Hey, I’m ready for Thailand!

But the whole family
isn’t traveling together.

Right now, we’re taking off
on Asiana Airlines,

and tomorrow Brandon,
Brody and Leah are on the same flight.

Exciting! I can’t wait
till everybody’s together.

Hello. We’ve got some champagne.
We’ve got red and white wine.

So, help yourself to anything up here.

[woman] I think you’re boarding
about midnight for your flight.

We’re boarding at midnight?

Rob and I were supposed to leave
for the airport together.

But Rob was MIA, so I had to leave
to catch my flight in time,

and I’m just hoping he either got a ride
to the airport himself

or he’s meeting me there later.

[Khloe] Okay, we’re rolling.

Is this a joke? He’s not coming?

I am texting Rob like crazy.
He won’t respond to me.

He won’t answer my phone calls.

And it’s kind of freaking me
out a little bit.

[Kris] You can be over there.
I don’t care.

Is Rob really not coming?

[Khloe] There’s no [bleep] way.

I haven’t been able to talk to my brother.

I don’t know where he is.
And I just haven’t heard from him.

[Khloe] I’m not gonna go.
I’m not gonna go.

[Kris] I don’t think you…

[Khloe] I can do whatever I want.

So, 13 hours on a plane with no phone,
no way to get in contact with him

or vice versa,
I just feel, like, helpless.

I don’t want to go.
And I don’t want to leave him right now.

[Kylie] I’m giving everyone a warning.

I will have an anxiety att*ck
and not go if Khloé doesn’t go.

[Khloe] There’s no [bleep] way.

-I’m gonna go.
-I’m not gonna go.

Here's your blankie.

-[Kris] I don’t think you…
-[Khloe] I can do whatever I want.

[Bruce] What’s the problem?

She doesn’t want to go on this flight.

-Why?
-Because Rob isn’t coming.

[Kylie] I'm giving everyone a warning.

I will have an anxiety att*ck
and not go if Khloé doesn’t go.

-You’re not leaving me.
-I am leaving early, sorry.

[Kris] It breaks my heart that Rob’s
not coming on the family vacation.

And now Khloé wants to cancel.

This is not the way
that I wanted to start out this vacay.

If Khloé’s not going,
a hundred percent I can’t go.

My mom put so much work into this trip,

and I know if I don’t go,
it’s gonna be a domino effect

of people not wanting to go
or people complaining,

so as much as I don’t want to leave Rob

and as much as I wish I could talk to him
before I take off on this plane,

I have to do what’s best
for everybody else.

-Are you okay, Khlo?
-[Khloe] No.

[woman speaking on monitor]
Thank you for flying Asiana Airlines.

[Kim] Say, "I give the face like my daddy
all the time."

Look she knows how to say bye now.

-[Kim] Wave bye.
-[Kris] Bye-bye.

-Say hi.
-Hi.

[Kim] Khloé

One. Two. Three.

-We got it.
-Yeah!

I do need a selfie of me.

[percussion music]

[Kim] I’m excited to be here.

I heard the food’s really good here.

I just love when I get the opportunity
to travel and go to places that,

you know, I’ve never been to before.

I think it’s such a good experience
and such a good opportunity,

and I’m really excited
to share these memories with my family.

[Khloe] Are you happy with your cover?

[Kim] Yeah. I’m really happy with it.

[Khloe] How does he feel?

He’s, like, over the moon

’cause there’s only been five guys
on the cover. He’s the fifth.

-But he doesn’t care about the attention.
-No, he, like, love…

He’s like, "This is just, like,
what it is.

-Like, we just create controversy."
-[giggles]

I love him.

[upbeat music]

[Bruce] We’re in Thailand!

Another adventure.

[Kendall] This is amazing!

-[Kris] What?
-[Kendall] This house!

-[elephant trumpet blows]
-This is incredible! This is ridiculous.

Hi, guys. Very nice to meet you.
I’m the owner. My name’s Mark.

-Very nice to…
-I’m Kris.

-Nice to meet you.
-Hello, Kris.

-I’ve heard a lot about you.
-This is beautiful!

I’m looking forward
to showing you the place.

[Mark] Welcome to Iniala.

We’re finally here,
and this place is incredible.

The whole idea is you sleep
under a lily pond.

[Khloe] They’re all saying, "Hi!"

It’s magic, honey.

[Kylie] Oh, my God.

[Kendall] No way. Kylie, this is crazy!

[Mark] So, Khloé,
your room is through here.

[Kendall] Oh, wow.
I love this room, Khloé.

[Kris] Hey, Bruce, maybe your room
is next door to my room.

This is the beachiest suite we have.

-The beachiest suite we have.
-Yeah, this is it.

This is the first time that Kris and I
have gone on a vacation

where we’ve actually had separate rooms.

You guys can all come and visit.

This ought to be an interesting study
on how Kris’s and my relationship has…

progressed.

-[Kris] Look at this.
-[Bruce] I love it.

Kim, your room is ridiculous.

[Kim] This is nuts!

[Khloe] She’s got her own pool?

I bet you this would’ve been Kourtney’s
had she have come, so…

-[Mark laughs]
-…let’s just say I lucked out.

[Kendall] Oh, my God!

The floors are incredible!

What are these floors made out of?

-Like, a special foam and everything.
-[Kris] Oh, my God, what is going on?

The whole idea is like
walking on the moon.

-So you just sink into every footstep.
-Mom, I need floors like this in my house.

-Oh, my God.
-[Mark laughs]

It’s moments like this
when it’s so gorgeous

that I wish my fiancé was here.

[Kendall] Look at your bed!

-And a little crib.
-Oh, my God.

-[Kris] Wait, there’s Batman.
-[Mark] So just so you could see…

Hey, guys, Batman’s here.

[ethnic music]

[line ringing]

[woman over phone]
Please leave your message for…

It’s been a 13-hour flight,
and I still cannot find my brother.

As much as I would love to jump up
and down and scream

at how great this place is,
my head is just somewhere else.

It’s hard for me just to say,

"Okay, now that I’m at Thailand,
let me forget about everything in LA."

I can’t just forget
about everything at home.

[upbeat music]

This is so beautiful.

[squealing]

-[Bruce] Are you checking the place out?
-Yeah.

-[Bruce] Want to eat, Kylie?
-Uh, yes.

[Bruce] I’ve got to give Kris credit.

This place is absolutely gorgeous.

[Kris] It looks delicious. Thank you.

I can’t wait till the Jenner side
comes tomorrow,

and then we’re all together.
It’s gonna be great.

[Bruce] Honey,
how do you guys find these places?

-Magic.
-Is it just magic?

Mm-hm.

You know who would’ve loved these
if he showed up?

Rob. Didn’t show up for his birthday.
Didn’t show up for Christmas.

Doesn’t go on the vacations.
Doesn’t he like us anymore?

You guys, he has, like, deep issues.

But we’ve all been here to offer him help
and he won’t take it, so…

-[Bruce] Yeah.
-…I don’t have sympathy.

Kim has no sympathy because she’s
never lived with someone like that.

She doesn’t understand it.

Khloé wants to fix everything
and fix the situation, but she can’t.

I think I’m just a little bit more
of the tough love kind of person.

My personality is like, "All right,
you complain, you don’t like it,

get up and do something about it."

[Kris]
Robert isn’t in a strong place right now.

[Kim] Yeah,
but I also think that you baby him.

I think we all have.

Kim has been living her own life
and doing her own thing, as she should.

But I’ve been dealing with Rob
on a deeper level.

To say "give someone tough love,"
it’s so much easier said than done.

He just wants us to do everything for him.

Yeah.

They gave me silver frames
with, like, baby blue lenses,

and I feel like Michael Jackson.

[Kim] Should we do some selfies?

[Stephanie] Oh, my God. Like,
all the beach pictures that we can take.

[Kim] Like, we can do so many
coming out of the water.

-We have to do, like…
-[Stephanie] All the pools are amazing.

…one wet sh*t a day.

I’m so excited to start this selfie book
that I’m making for Kanye.

[Stephanie] How cool is this?

Every single room has a different selfie
backdrop that is so amazing.

[Stephanie] That’s perfect. Don’t move.

[elephant trumpet blows]

[Khloe] This is Kim’s dream.

I mean, she is obsessed
with taking pictures. Totally normal.

-[Stephanie] Wait. One more.
-[camera clicks]

That’s gorge.

[Kim] We need to go to the beach
and get a good ass selfie.

-[Kylie] Oh, my God.
-[chuckles]

So, um, don’t panic,

but there are little bugs that crawl
in the sand and they’re about this big.

-[Khloe] How do you know that?
-I just saw three of them.

-Hey, guys, look how pretty this is.
-Mom is here.

Can’t wait for Brandon and Leah
and Brody to come.

-[Bruce] I’m, like, the only guy.
-[Mark] Everything good?

-Hi.
-[Kylie] Yes.

-[Mark] Everything all right?
-How are you? Yeah, it’s amazing.

We have a little show for you tonight,
some real Thai dancers for you.

-Look.
-Kim?

There, Kim.

[ethnic music playing]

That’s beautiful.

Look, you can get a good pic of yourself
with the fire in the background.

[Khloe] We're watching,
like, fire-eating people.

Like, it’s, like, a cool
once-in-a-lifetime thing

that we’ll get to witness,

and instead of actually
being in the moment,

Kim is taking selfies.

-[camera beeps]
-I did a self-timer.

[applause and cheers]

-Thank you!
-[Kris] Beautiful.

-Oh, how pretty.
-[Kylie] That is so cool! It’s like water.

[Bruce] Well, it looks pretty

-with the black background.
-[Kris] That’s so pretty.

-[fireworks cracking]
-Look!

I got a nice one with the fireworks.

-Really good.
-That was, like, amazing.

-Bravo!
-[Khloe] That was amazing.

[Kris] That was amazing!

I don’t even know.
I’m so over the [bleep] selfies.

[Kris] Bye, Kim.

-[Kris] Good night.
-Good night.

[Kris] Get a good night’s sleep, Khloé.
Love you.

[Bruce] It’s fun to do this
with the family every year.

Because now everybody’s getting older,
we can’t keep them all together.

[Brandon] Made it!

[Leah] We made it.

[Brandon] Oh, yeah.

[Mark] Welcome to Iniala.

[Brody] This place is incredible.

[Leah] This is amazing.

It's supposed to look
like the inside of seashells.

-It feels like an inside of a seashell.
-It does.

It's beautiful.

[Mark] You’ve got to be tired,
so I’m gonna leave you guys to hang out.

Have you ever been able to say
you made love inside a seashell?

Oh, my God! Have you ever been able to say

you’ve made love to yourself
inside of a seashell?

No, but hey, I’m gonna go do that
right now, so you guys have fun.

[Leah laughing]

[Bruce] Zip-lining. Should be fun.
Tomorrow we’re doing the canoe thing.

[Kris]
Some of us wanted to go shopping tomorrow.

Thailand is not a place you think
to go shopping, okay?

Okay, well, let’s not talk
about it right now.

-[Bruce] Why not? No, we’ll go shopping.
-I don’t want to see another activity…

Okay. Let’s do fun stuff.

-[Kendall] Okay.
-[Bruce] All right.

It’s finally time
to get this vacay started.

Unfortunately, Brandon, Brody and Leah,
they need a good night’s sleep,

but me and all the girls,
we’re zip-lining today!

[Bruce] Zip-lining, girls, zip-lining!

Let’s do it.

This looks so fun.

-[Kendall] Look at how high you are.
-No.

[Kim]
We have to hike all the way up there?

[Bruce] This is the workout portion.
Let’s run!

Like, hold on,

’cause these are the scariest stairs
I’ve ever been on.

[Kim] Oh, my God, I’m afraid of heights
and these stairs.

-You guys, I literally am getting dizzy.
-[Kris] Just don’t think about it.

-Don’t think about it.
-It’s a little scary.

Who built this
and how do we know it’s safe?

[Bruce] Kendall’s first.

-[man] You afraid of heights?
-[Kendall] Sometimes.

Oh, my God.

[man] Grab this rope and…

-Sit down?
-Yeah.

-[Bruce] Go, Kendall!
-[Kim] Okay, guys, we got to go.

I’m getting claustrophobic.

-[Kris] Relax, everyone breathe.
-[Kendall] Let’s go.

[Bruce] Come on!

[man] One, two, three.

[squeals, giggles]

[Kylie] Is it okay?

This is amazing!

[man] Feet up.

[squealing]

[Kendall] Kylie, it’s so fun!

Kylie, look at how incredible this is.

It looks like
we’re literally in Jurassic Park.

[squeals]
Let Khloé go first. Let Khloé go first.

[Kim] Do I really have to do this?

-Can I just walk down?
-Yeah.

-No.
-Hold on to…

-[man] Yeah, hold this rope…
-[Bruce] Time to man up.

-[man 1] Three, two, one.
-[man 2] Wait! Wait! Wait!

[Bruce] Go, Khloé.

[Khloe chuckles]

Wait, my bag is stuck.

-[man] What is your name?
-Kim.

-Kim. She’s the bravest one of everybody.
-Are you sure I’m in? Where do I hold?

-[man] Yeah, hold.
-[Bruce] Just hold there, let your…

Put all your weight into your seat.
Ready, go!

-I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.
-[Bruce] Go! Just let go.

No, my hand got stuck to something.
I can’t. I really just want to walk.

-No, you can do it.
-I wanna walk.

-You’re gonna be fine, honey,
-You go first, I’m… I don’t wanna do it.

-[Kylie] Kim, go, it’s so fun!
-[Khloe] You can do it, Kimmy.

-Take a deep breath, Kim….
-No, I don’t want to do it.

-You've done it a hundred times.
-I don’t want to do it.

-No, let her go.
-Yes, no, ’cause… no.

I don’t want to do it!

[Kylie] Kim, go! It’s so fun!

[Khloe] You can do it, Kimmy!

Take a deep breath, Kim,
you’re gonna be fine.

-No, I don’t want to do it.
-It's so much fun.

-You've done it a hundred times.
-I don’t want to do it.

-No, let her go.
-Yes, no, ’cause… no.

-I don’t want to do it.
-No.

-Sorry. One-way ticket.
-No.

Just sit down first.

-You’ll be okay.
-This is not fun! And my hand is…

-Yeah, it’s gonna be fun, I promise.
-This is overcoming obstacles in life.

No, I can’t while I’m crying.

Just sit down in the seat.
It will hold you right there.

Kim’s crying.
Oh, man, come on. Get over it.

We’re just zip-lining,
having a little fun!

My mom should go first.

Let’s go, jugs, you can do it!

Oh. Oh, you can’t.

It’s really crazy,
’cause when you become a mom,

every decision that you make
is just different.

Like, I’m thinking,
"Do I really care to do this

when I could be with my daughter?"

When you [bleep] have kids, it’s like,
it’s not worth it.

So why t*rture myself?

-This is such good training for you girls.
-[Kim] Training for what?

[Bruce] To breaking new ground,
to being brave.

[Kim] She broke new ground on her house,
that was enough.

-Can we… Not this one but Superman?
-Yes.

-Yes!
-[Khloe] Your ass looks good!

[squealing]

Oh, my God!

[Bruce laughing]

[cheering]

[squealing]

Go, Kylie!

[Khloe] Get it, Kylie! Yeah!

-I know what it’s like to fly!
-[Bruce] Oh, my God!

[Kendall] Me, too!

-Are you happy there?
-Keep it tight.

-No, I’m just freaked out.
-Hold on.

Be careful. Be careful.

Okay, don’t grab…

I don’t think this can hold both of us.
I don’t think I’m buckled.

-[Bruce] You’re buckled.
-[Kris] I’m not buckled.

[Bruce] We’re buckled! Go!

Oh, my God, mine’s slipping!

-I’m slipping out!
-I'm not buckled, Bruce!

Running out! Oh, my God, we're going in!

We're not gonna make it.

-[Kris] Somebody really…
-[Bruce] Hold on.

-This is horrible, honey.
-[Kylie] Dad, what the…

-[Kris] Bruce! Pull it!
-[Bruce] Ready?

-Bruce, that’s not funny.
-Okay.

Bruce takes it to such a level
that it doesn’t make it fun.

-[Kylie] He’s bleeding.
-[Bruce] I’m bleeding.

-[Khloe] His leg is bleeding.
-[Kylie] Oh, my God. Let me see.

-How do you walk home?
-Don’t worry, I’m okay.

Here he is, bleeding, and he considers it
a badge of glory, like a w*r wound.

Good job, honey! That was an adventure.
Give me a high five!

-No.
-No?

All I want to do is get unzipped
from the zip-line.

I’ve had enough, I’m done.

You keep bringing me
to these [bleep] places,

it’s like you think
this is The Jungle Book. It’s not.

-Wonderful stuff.
-Yeah.

[Bruce] Wonderful stuff.

My mom and dad are bickering,

I don’t like when people fight,
and I hate conflict,

so I am not excited for them
to be together on this trip.

[Bruce] Oh, this is a big one! All right.

Two hands, right there.
[screams]

Come on, honey!

[upbeat music]

-[Kendall] Mom, you got it for me?
-Yeah.

Thank you.

It’s actually so good.

Oh, my God, this is so good.

[mutters]

I just feel uncomfortable.
Maybe don’t go so fast.

Okay, but there’s nothing
you can do about it.

[Kris]
I just want to get out of this car, then.

I can’t take… my heart can’t take it.

I just got finished zip-lining,
which was scary enough,

and I don’t need this [bleep]
on the ride back home.

Slow the [bleep] down!

What’s going to happen?

Pascal, how much longer, would you say?

-[Pascal] Fifteen minutes.
-Okay.

-[car horn honks]
-[gasps]

Oh, God.

-What’s going on?
-What’s happening?

[Pascal]
Your mom had an accident in her car.

-Wait, what happened?
-A car accident? Is she okay?

-Apparently, a little bit hurt.
-Who had a car accident?

-My mom’s hurt?
-Who's hurt?

Hello? Yeah, we’re fine. My neck hurts.

He just rear-ended somebody.

What better way to end an exciting day
of zip-lining than an accident?

[Kim] Do you want us to wait?

I think you guys are way
in front of us, it’s okay.

-Okay, we’ll see you back at the hotel.
-Yeah, they can keep going.

Okay.

-Why, oh, why?
-Kris, just chill out.

-Yeah. No, don’t tell me to chill out.
-God.

-[Brandon] How was it?
-[Kim] It was cool.

I just cried for a little bit,
’cause I just…

It was so scary. Bruce is just like,
"Come on. It’s not a big deal."

-[Brody] "That’s fine."
-But he’s practically pushing me off.

Like, "You’re such a baby."

[Bruce] "Buckle up, let’s go."

-What’s happening, guys?
-[Brody] Hey!

We’re going to have to take you
to the hospital? Are you gonna be okay?

[Bruce] I think I’m okay, yeah.

-And here we are.
-[Bruce] Oh, god,

-it’s so good to have you guys here.
-[Kris] There she is.

Oh, you’re already started?
Hey, Brandon. How are you?

-Good. Good to see you.
-Good to see you.

[Kris] Brandon, Leah, and Brody are here!

This is gonna change
the dynamic of my entire attitude

and my whole vacation.

-[Brody] Did you go zip-lining?
-[Kris] Yes, I did.

-Yeah?
-How was it?

Kim was scared to death.

This one is annoying.

The driver in our van is going
a gazillion miles an hour,

and Bruce is like, "Calm down.
He knows what he’s doing. Calm down."

I’m like, "No, we’re gonna get k*lled
in Thailand."

[Kris] The driver crashes into the car
in front of us.

-Oh, my gosh.
-Did he hit it, or just like a nudge?

-[Kris] Oh, no, he hit it.
-[Leah] Oh, my gosh.

[Kris] If you’re talking to me,
it was a major accident.

If you’re talking to Bruce,
it was a fender bender.

Nothing.

-Okay, guys, simmer down. That’s enough.
-[Brody] Yeah, break it up.

I know Brandon, Brody and Leah
have had a really long flight,

but I hope they’re not too tired
to hang out with Bruce,

because I could use a well-deserved break.

What are you guys doing this afternoon?

-Trying to stay awake.
-[Brandon] Yeah.

[Bruce] You know,
it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

-[Leah] Yeah.
-Let’s do our thing and…

[Stephanie] That was good.
Let me get one this way.

Look up a little. Gorgeous.

[Kim] Can you see the background?

[Stephanie] Yeah, just really pretty.

-[Kim] Try to make me look skinny.
-[laughs]

-[Brody] Hey!
-[Kim] [bleep] [bleep].

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
[chuckles]

[Kim] Oh, my God!

[Brody] What are you doing?
No, I’ll stay…

What?

-What the [bleep]?
-Brody! Leave!

This is so embarrassing, I want to die.

And he’s, like, frozen, just shocked,
and it’s just super awkward.

-[Brody] What?
-[Kim] Oh, my God! Brody! Leave!

[Stephanie] That was so good.

[camera clicking]

[Brody] What are you doing? No, I’ll stay…

-Leave!
-What the [bleep]?

Oh, my God. I’m…
[laughs]

[Kim] Leave!

[laughing]
Oh, my God.

What?

-Hold on, let me just relax for a second.
-[Leah] You look like you’ve seen a ghost.

Is everything okay?

I just came around the corner, and Kim…

Her assistant was taking photos of her
while she was, like,

in this see-through white, ass-out,

[bleep] coming through the top.

The whole nine,
and I just fully walked in on it.

-No way.
-Did she see you?

[Brody] She saw me come around the corner.

I didn’t want to, like, come around
the corner, and then have her see me…

You just saw Kim naked?

How do you feel about that?

[Brody] I mean, what do you mean,
how do I feel about it?

-[Leah] Brody!
-I was… Kim… Why…

Leah, why are you looking at me like that?

-[Leah] Why do you seem so flustered?
-[Brody] ’Cause that was awkward.

-[Brandon] Are you turning red?
-[Leah] Brody?

-[Brody] Oh, don’t go to this route.
-Did you get turned on by Kim?

I’m about to leave this room
in about two seconds.

Oh, my God, you did!
[giggles]

All right, I’m out of here.

You got a little turned on by your sister.

Maybe just a half chub.

Oh, that’s sick.

-Did he just say "half chub"?
-Yeah.

[man] We’re gonna show you
a couple different dishes tonight.

-Brandon, are you getting gray hair?
-Yes.

That’s her favorite.

-She’s in heaven.
-[laughter]

-Thank you. We’ll see you upstairs.
-See you for the dinner.

[Kris] Kylie!

Oh, my God, that’s amazing.

-Oh, hey.
-Hey. Yeah!

[Brody]
Why don’t you just get the real thing?

[Bruce] Not in a million years.
I’d k*ll her.

-[Kim] Hi, guys.
-Look at you. Oh, my God.

[Bruce] Kimmy’s here. Hey!

[imitates quacking]

[laughing]

You better watch out, Brody,
because I heard somebody this morning.

I was like, "Oh, that’s Bruce,"
and I looked, and it was you.

-[Bruce] Oh, my God.
-That is… What?

[imitates quacking]

Now, honey, what was the schedule
for tomorrow?

I think it’s the canoe thing tomorrow,
right?

I think it’s what everybody else
wants it… Okay, it’s the canoe.

All right, so that’s, you know,
not a big deal.

-All I wanted to do was, like, relax…
-[Bruce] Honey…

…and massage.

It’s experiences
that you’ll never forget, you know?

You’ll forget about the massage….

-I’m not gonna forget…
-…in a day,

in an hour after it’s over with.

I just want to go on a vacation
where we relax.

-And that’s what you have.
-[Kris] It's not work.

-You go to Cabo with your girlfriends.
-You guys? Guys?

You go to Cabo with your girlfriends.

-No.
-Yes, you do.

-No, I don’t.
-You don’t relax when you go with them.

-Like, I kinda don't.
-Guys, defend me.

[Kris] No, no. No defending.

He is driving me crazy

because all he wants to do
is have a schedule.

I think that it’s unfair for you to expect
everyone else on the trip

-to do exactly what you want to do.
-There it is!

Me taking all the heat on this one.

No, I’m taking all the heat on this one.

[Kris] You can’t force someone

-to be into the moment.
-[Bruce] I’m not forcing anybody.

-He’s got a point.
-My plan is not working.

-What plan?
-[Kim] Why don't you guys just, like…

[Kylie] Mom, what plan?

I, like, talked to Kim about
how to get them to distract him.

I overhear my mom
making some type of plan,

and I just feel like
they’re lying to us or something.

My parents don’t really let
me and Kendall, like, in on anything,

so I just feel like they fight a lot

and then just try to pretend
like they’re fine.

-I can’t anymore. This is just ridiculous.
-Bye-bye.

I have to get ready for another full day
with Bruce Jenner, because he’s…

[cheers]
Hey!

[Kris] You’re the only one cheering,

-in case you've, like…
-[Bruce] Good night.

-…can’t hear anymore.
-[Bruce] Good night!

Mom?

-[Kris] What?
-What are you talking about?

What do you mean, what am I talking about?

-You guys are so nosey.
-Why are you lying to us?

I’m not lying to you.

-Yeah, you are.
-No, I’m not.

I just want to have a little bit
of a balance. It’s about balance.

He’s making us do stuff
that we don’t want to do,

and it’s got to be
what we all want to do on vacation.

-[Kendall] Lies.
-I’m not telling you lies, Kendall.

Hold on.

What’s going on?

-[Kendall] Nothing. I’m over it.
-They're calling…

-Where you going?
-She’s calling me a liar now.

[Kris] You, too, Kylie?

I really wanted Kendall and Kylie
to be so happy and comfortable

that I was afraid to say
anything about my plan,

and now they think I’m lying
and being shady.

[Kim] Next on
Keeping Up With the Kardashians…

Kim! Kim! Hey!

[Kim] What is going on in my room?

[Brandon] What's 12:15?

A flight I have on hold
to get the freak out of here.

Kendall and Kylie just text me.
"We are not staying here anymore."

They were in there last night,
and you were talking to them…

Don’t put this on me.

Bruce picking a fight with me
is the last thing I need.

You just want to say it, so say it.
This is my fault.
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