15x01 - Photo sh**t Dispute

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

KIM: Oh, hey, guys.
It's Kimberly.

Remember me? It's been a minute.

Did you miss us?
KHLOE: Get it. (Whoops)

KIM: 'Cause we missed you.
KOURTNEY: I didn't come to

play, hos. KIM: But don't worry.

You didn't miss anything.
KHLOE: Baby on board!

(Kourtney chuckles)
KIM: Not much has changed.

KHLOE: Are you obsessed
with being a mom?

KYLIE: Yes, I am.
KIM: We've been keeping a low

profile. Been nicer to our mom.

KRIS: Do I look fat?
KENDALL: Yeah.

KIM: And my sisters and I are
closer than ever.

KHLOE: Don't, stop...
KIM: You don't do (bleep)!

KOURTNEY: You're just (bleep)
a bitch.

KIM: Get the (bleep) out of
here and go.

Get the (bleep) out of here
and go!

It's like we can communicate
without speaking.

KHLOE: Shut the (bleep) up!
What is up your ass?

KOURTNEY: (bleep) like, no!
She pushes and pushes.

I'm not up for it!
KIM: I'm just not taking her

(bleep) anymore.
She's the least exciting to look

at, so she can be out.
KOURTNEY: Really? Have you

(bleep) looked on the Internet?
Do you see what people say about

me compared to you?
KIM: And we're still one big,

happy family.
KOURTNEY: We are a disgusting

family, and I'm ashamed to be a
part of it.

KIM: She doesn't want to be a
Kardashian anymore.

KHLOE: She could shove
"Kardashian" up her (bleep)

vag*na. SCOTT: Am I not invited

because Kourtney wants to bring
her new boyfriend?

KRIS: We can't just have him
for years as part of our

family... he's still part of our
family.

KENDALL: What about my dad?
KHLOE: Don't start with the

bull(bleep) now and the fake
(bleep).

KIM: Just do anything that
you think will get a check.

KHLOE: Have fun living up
Kylie's assh*le.

♪ ♪
MJ: So beautiful.

KHLOE: There's a lot of cons
going into this family, but the

pros outweigh them.
MJ: Yes, I know.

(chuckles) KIM: Are you ready?

Then let's begin.
Can you keep up?

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

KENDALL: I love how fancy
this is.

KRIS: Hi! ]] KOURTNEY: Hey.

KRIS: H-Hey.
YOUNES: Hi, how are you?

KRIS: Hi! Mwah!

YOUNES: Oh, there she is.
KIM: Oh, my gosh, this is so

cute! Hi. LONG-HAIRED MAN: Hi.

KIM: I'm so excited you're here.

LONG-HAIRED MAN: Me, too.
Y-You're very skinny, holy crap.

KIM: Really?
LONG-HAIRED MAN: Yes.

GUESTS: (overlapping chatter)
SLENDER WOMAN: Hi!

KIM: Hi.
Thank you guys for coming.

SLENDER WOMAN: Of course.
KIM: We're celebrating my

th birthday.
I can't believe I'm .

You know, I'm really
looking forward to this year

coming up.
We're expecting our daughter

soon, Khloe is just pregnant
and wanting to spend more time

in Cleveland, and so she's not
at my birthday dinner,

but it's totally fine.
KOURTNEY: I swear Khloe's

hormones are insane.
KIM: I feel like you guys are

not vibing.
KOURTNEY: No, we're not.

KIM: You think she's, like,
being a bitch?

KOURTNEY: No, she's not being
a bitch, she's just being

sensitive.
If I don't write back,

she's like, "You're not
responding."

If I don't do this,
she's like, I don't know.

KIM: But, like, you know what
it's like to be pregnant.

Like, just give her a break,
you know?

Like, it is what it is.
KOURTNEY: Khloe and I, the

last, like, six months, have not
been as close.

I just feel like I'm constantly
being criticized and picked on.

KHLOE: Stop talking about
these trips, then, if you don't

want to say who you're going on
the trip with.

That's so (bleep) stupid.
KOURTNEY: Okay, so shut the

(bleep) up.
KOURTNEY: Produce a show,

like a... some kind of, like,
interior show.

KHLOE: Okay. KOURTNEY: What?

KHLOE: Well, this already
sounds like too much of a

commitment for you.
KOURTNEY: In the past, I used

to just brush things off, but I
just don't want to tolerate it

anymore.
KRIS: Okay, you guys, I want

everybody to raise a glass to
Kim.

I love you very much.
And you're the best mommy.

KIM: Thank you.
KRIS: You're the best wife.

KIM: Thank you.
KRIS: And you're my favorite

daughter tonight, for the...
Until midnight.

KIM: It's fine.
We've all come to conclusions

that it's Kylie now,
and I'm okay with that.

(laughter)
I had a good ten-year reign.

KRIS: Happy birthday, Kim.
GUESTS: Happy birthday!

(guests whooping) ♪ ♪

KIM: Ew, the dog peed. Kourtney.

KOURTNEY: Peed? KIM: Right here.

KOURTNEY: This ottoman, like,
needs to be cleaned on a daily

basis. KIM: Um, so you know what

I've decided, and I'm not taking
no for an answer?

KOURTNEY: Huh?
KIM: We are going to do our

c... our family Christmas card
this year.

I know it sounds good in theory,
and blah, blah, blah,

and, "Oh, yeah, sure,
we'll do it."

That's what everyone's gonna
say.

But we have to, like, really
take this seriously.

KOURTNEY: So, did everyone
agree?

KIM: I mean, so far I only
asked Mom, and she just doesn't

want to do the planning.
We just need a family.

Christmas card. KOURTNEY: Yeah?

I don't disagree.
KIM: I tried to do it before,

you guys didn't like it.
So, like, I have a good

photographer, a good concept.
I'll rent out a studio, I'll

make it so easy for everyone.
It's really important to

me that our family does a
Christmas card this year because

last year we didn't do one, and
it's been a tradition for so

long.
It's one day out of our lives

for the year.
We have these memories

forever.
It's just something fun that

we can all do together.
Do you like this contraption?

KOURTNEY: No...
KIM: Try it, it, like,

massages your fingers, 'cause if
you text too much...

KIM: Okay, so I'm gonna call
Khloe.

KOURTNEY: I just have a lot
going on right now.

But I'm down to do the sh**t.
KHLOE: Hello?

KIM: (gasps) Hey, Khlo.
KHLOE: Hey, Keeks.

KIM: So, I think that we need
to make memories with the kids

and do a family Christmas card.
We have to do a photo sh**t

that's not for a magazine.
Like, we need to capture these

moments. KHLOE: I'm totally down

to do one. ]] NORTH: Mama...

KHLOE: I just think getting
everybody together is gonna be

a challenge.
KIM: Okay, I'll... It will be

a challenge, but I will plan it.
NORTH: Mommy, I have one...

I will get it on
everyone's schedules.

Okay, one second, sweetie.
KHLOE: No, totally, I'm down

for whatever, I'll be there.
KIM: Who wants a family.

Christmas card?
PENELOPE: Not me.

KIM: Me.
KOURTNEY: I knew you were

gonna say that!
KIM: Okay, me and Northie

will do it together.
NORTH: And Lovey and Lovey

and Lovey! ]] KIM: And Lovey.

Should we have MJ? NORTH: Yeah.

KHLOE: Well, this is fun, you
guys.

I can't wait for this
photo sh**t... I'll be there.

KIM: Okay. I'll let you know.
KHLOE: Okay, love you!

KIM: Okay, bye. ♪ ♪

(paparazzi chatter excitedly)

SCOTT: Lotta action going on
here.

KIM: Hi. ]] SCOTT: Hi.

KIM: How are you? SCOTT: Good.

KIM: I'm getting my lashes done.

I won't get up, I'm like
Mariah Carey on the couch.

SCOTT: Okay.
No, I don't-don't blame you.

KIM: Oh, my God, Kanye told
me that he saw you and your

girlfriend at Nobu... how funny.
SCOTT: Oh, I saw him at

dinner the other night, yeah.
KIM: Yeah. He told me.

SCOTT: Small world.
KIM: Such a small world.

D-Do you ever find yourself
in a moment where you're like,

"Grow up"? ]] SCOTT: With her?

KIM: Yeah. SCOTT: Not at all.

KIM: That's cool. SCOTT: Yeah.

KIM: I was thinking, like...
SCOTT: I feel like she tells

it to me.
Honestly, everything's been

going pretty well lately.
This is the first time

I've ever been with anybody
other than Kourtney, so it's

definitely different, but it's
been a really good thing for me.

KIM: When Kendall and Kylie
were hanging out with your

girlfriend years ago,
who'd have ever thought, like...

If you would have said...
SCOTT: I don't really put

that together. (Laughs)
KIM: You're gonna be one

of Kourtney's boyfriend one day,
like, you would have never in a

million years think that.
SCOTT: It's a little bit

different for me to talk about
what's going on now, and

sometimes I feel guilty that
I've moved on.

SCOTT: You know, there's just
some things that are

uncomfortable, I think, to talk
about with other people.

JENNIFER: I know it
might be weird to see me up

here... I am an MTV Best Kiss
award winner, but I really am...

SCOTT: She's funny.
JENNIFER: I don't get caught

up in all those celebrities.
STYLIST: This is gonna be

amazing.
JENNIFER: Yes, I don't care.

KIM: Tune in to Jimmy Kimmel
tonight, guys, to see me and.

Jennifer Lawrence.
JENNIFER: Please welcome.

Kim Kardashian West!
(audience cheering)

So... are you excited?
KIM: I'm excited.

JENNIFER: All right, buckle
down and get comfortable.

My first question:
Do you think it's a coincidence

that Reggie Bush's wife looks
just like you?

I don't. (Laughter)

(Jennifer laughs)
So, recently, I went over to

your mom's house for dinner.
KIM: Yes.

JENNIFER: It was everything
I could've ever dreamed of.

KIM: Was it? JENNIFER: Yeah.

KIM: I've never seen my mom
more drunk in our lives.

JENNIFER: Take it easy.
KIM: We were worried.

JENNIFER: I was way more
drunk than your mom.

(laughter) ♪ ♪

KHLOE: Oh, my God, she's coming.

I don't understand the
(bleep) attitude.

KIM: I'm so afraid of her.
KHLOE: I'm, like, so afraid

of her.
KIM: I don't get it. Hey.

(Kourtney coughing)

KIM: She's, like, not paying
attention.

KOURTNEY: What do you want me
to do, sit here and stare?

KHLOE: Damn!
KIM: Mm-kay. Well, guys,

I really wasn't going to plan a
baby shower, but I think it's

important for North so she
starts feeling that, like, it's

coming. Things are happening.

KHLOE: Okay.
KIM: So a vision came to me

about cherry blossoms.
KHLOE: They're so beautiful.

KIM: And that's my favorite
thing at the moment.

KHLOE: And that's the theme
for your baby shower?

That'd be so pretty.
KIM: Yeah, I think so, too.

With the photo sh**t going on,
it's so much work, I just need,

like, a little bit of help.
KHLOE: I will help you with

the baby shower, I won't help
you with the photo sh**t.

KIM: Okay.
All right, well, thank you

for the help. KHLOE: Of course.

Let me know what you need.
I'm happy to help.

KIM: Cool.
Thanks for being so present.

KHLOE: It'll be fun and
beautiful.

KOURTNEY: Who let you choose
black covers for your furniture?

Disgusting.
KIM: She likes black things.

KHLOE: I didn't...
KOURTNEY: Usually people get

a color that's, like, neutral to
your floor.

Who chooses black?
KHLOE: It confuses me how.

Kourtney is confused that we're
butting heads.

KHLOE: That's nice, Kourtney.
Well, thanks for coming over,

thanks for being so lovely.
KOURTNEY: (snorts) Anytime.

KHLOE: When I come into your
house, I'll make sure to say

just a critical comment.
KOURTNEY: Oh, you do, you do.

Every time.
KHLOE: When have I... every

time, I always say how great
your house looks, I look at all

your new (bleep) that you show
me.

KOURTNEY: Well, don't we have
a meeting?

This isn't here to sit and talk
about this.

KHLOE: What is up your ass?
Seriously, what the (bleep) is

wrong with you?
But why are you so bitchy these

days?
KOURTNEY: I'm just... a born

bitch.
KHLOE: You should be proud of

that.
Trust me, if I wasn't pregnant,

I'd probably (bleep) drowned you
in the pool.

You're just mean.

(North yelling)
I have a real question for you.

Do you think you and Kourt
will finally get married?

KIM: Do you foresee?

KOURTNEY: I can't get there
till : .

And then, I want to be home by
: , so we have to, like, wrap

around : .
KIM: Kourtney is making this

so hard. KRIS: You are annoying,

Kourtney.
KOURTNEY: Why, because Kim

wants it around her schedule?
KIM: Who has a busier

schedule?
Maybe if you had a (bleep)

business that you were
passionate about, then you would

know what it takes to run a
(bleep) business, but you don't!

♪ ♪
(Reign shouts)

REIGN: Mommy! (Khloe chuckles)

SCOTT: Oh! I know these kids.
KHLOE: Hey, guys.

What... ]] SCOTT: Hello, Reigno.

REIGN: Look, look!
SCOTT: That's a dog.

(laughs)
KHLOE: What is that dog on?

SCOTT: Hi, Poosh!
KHLOE: That poor dog.

SCOTT: Can I have a hug?
KIM: Do we think it's time to

cut Reign's hair? ]] SCOTT: No.

KHLOE: It's a little long.
But you guys can't put it in

girl half-up, half-down.
Put it in man buns.

SCOTT: I put this family
together.

I made those kids.
(Kim chuckles)

Right there? I made 'em!
KHLOE: I have a real question

for you. I know you're happy.

Do you think, in a few years...
SCOTT: Huh.

KHLOE: You and Kourt will
finally get married?

KIM: Do you foresee?
SCOTT: We always said we

would try to get back together
when we were, like, .

KHLOE: How old are you?
SCOTT: So, she's got a couple

years... I mean, I'm much
younger.

I'm in my early s.
She's pushing .

KHLOE: Do you, or or you're
just over it?

You're like, "You're crazy."
SCOTT: She is crazy.

KIM: But she thinks you're
crazy, you think she's crazy.

Like, do you think it's just
too much?

Like, there's too much
history there?

SCOTT: Eh, it's fine.
KHLOE: We kind of think she's

crazy, too, right now.
SCOTT: It's like one of those

things.
I mean, when we were together,

I feel like everybody had a
problem with us being together.

Now that we're not together,
everybody's got a problem.

So you can't really win.
But at the end of the day,

my dream is not to talk about my
relationship with my ex's

family.
KIM: Kanye asked me if we

wanted to name our daughter
Khloe.

KHLOE: Aww. ]] SCOTT: Ah!

KIM: Khloe West and Khloe
Kardashian?

KHLOE: That's so cute.
KIM: I know.

But I was like, that's really
confusing.

KHLOE: The kids call me KoKo,
they don't care.

(Kim laughs) (Scott laughs)

♪ ♪
(phone ringing)

KHLOE: Hello? ]] KIM: Hey.

KHLOE: Hey.
KIM: So for the Christmas

card sh**t, um, who...
What glam do you want?

KHLOE: Probably Hrush and
Andrew or whoever's around.

I'm a little chubby right now,
so hopefully, we can make that

work. KIM: Yeah, we will make it

work. ]] KHLOE: Love you.

KIM: Love you. Okay.
KHLOE: Okay.

KIM: Bye. (Phone ringing)

KOURTNEY: Hello? ]] KIM: Hey.

KOURTNEY: Hi.
KIM: Okay, so, I'm just

working on glam.
You want Andrew and Hrush for

makeup?
KOURTNEY: Yeah, or Ariel.

And then, I can't get there till
: .

And then, I want to be home by
: .

So we have to, like, wrap,
maybe, around : to : so

then we could drive home.
KIM: Well, Kendall has

another sh**t that she's coming
from, so she won't even get to

the studio until : .
Trying to figure out the whole

family's schedule is really a
task all in itself, but.

Kourtney is making this so hard.
She just won't budge.

Khloe and I have so much
going on, we're still, like,

reorganizing things, changing
our schedules to make it work

for everyone else.
KOURTNEY: I just want to be

home by : to have dinner with
the kids and put them to bed.

KIM: We will figure it out.
KOURTNEY: Okay.

KIM: Okay, bye. ♪ ♪

SCOTT: Chonch! ]] CICI: Hey!

SCOTT: How are you?
CICI: Oh, my God, so good to

see you.
SCOTT: I got you a gift.

CICI: You're the guy?
SCOTT: I didn't know if you

wanted anything... hey.
BILL: Good to see you.

SCOTT: How are you?
Got a little beard going.

BILL: Yeah.
CICI: He wants to be like

you. ]] SCOTT: Who doesn't?

CICI: Yeah.
SCOTT: Ha, ha, ha, ha!

CICI: A little hi, how are you?

SCOTT: How are you?
CiCi, for people that don't

know, pretty much a cousin, but
also a lifelong friend of

everybody in the family.
She's an unbelievable woman.

To me, she's kind of like
a second mom, almost.

I mean, she's always been that
one person I could really trust

and has always really been there
for me.

CICI: We're gonna sit next to
each other.

SCOTT: All right.
CICI: Honey, come sit down.

BILL: I am. CICI: Oh, okay.

He loves that chair. (Laughs)

SCOTT: I like those chairs.
CICI: Of everything in the

house, he has to sit on the
stool.

Um, how's life?
SCOTT: Life is good.

What do you really want to ask
me, Chonch?

CICI: Are you sober?
SCOTT: No, why, you want a

drink? (Laughs)

Here and there, I'll have wine
or champagne or things like

that. But in balance, I mean...

CICI: Okay, good.
SCOTT: I don't really have

any reason to go wild anymore.
CICI: Okay, good.

SCOTT: So...
CICI: Um, what about this

woman? ]] SCOTT: What about her?

CICI: Like, is it serious?
(Scott clears throat)

SCOTT: I mean...
CICI: I mean, for you to be

with a woman besides Kourtney.
SCOTT: More than once.

Is pretty serious.
CICI: Yeah, and trips and...

Like, when you walk through
the...

(phone ringing)
SCOTT: Oh, thank God.

(both laugh)
SCOTT: I'll answer, whoever

this is. Hello?

I don't want to answer, but...
CICI: So now...

SCOTT: Yeah.
CICI: I'm, like, thinking to

myself, there must be something
there.

SCOTT: Yeah, I mean, it's
definitely, like...

CICI: Well, that's good.
SCOTT: The first girl...

CICI: I guess.
SCOTT: I've ever been with

other than Kourtney that was,
like, a real relationship.

CICI: You're kidding.
SCOTT: I mean, no, but...

I mean, yeah. CICI: I love it.

SCOTT: I mean, one part of me
is like, really happy that I'm

able to, like, care about
somebody again, but there always

is, like, some feeling in the
back of me that feels guilty

because I'm moving on from
Kourtney, you know what I mean?

But...
CICI: But hasn't she moved

on? ]] SCOTT: Yeah.

I do appreciate how much you've
always been Team Scott and...

CICI: Always.
SCOTT: Been trying for me.

It's definitely nice to hear
CiCi be there for me and be

excited that I'm doing okay and,
you know, telling me that I am

in a good place and, you know,
it's a lot because she has

seen me in a lot of different
places, so I think she, out of

everybody, would know.
But I just wish that everybody

would be happy for me.
CICI: Remember when you came

to visit me in the hospital?
We talked and talked and you

go, "I haven't talked like this
in three years."

SCOTT: Yeah. (CiCi laughs)

'Cause it is hard, because
sometimes, everybody around here

is so busy.
CICI: No, they're always on

their cell phones.
You get, like, two minutes of...

SCOTT: Sorry, what'd you say?
(CiCi laughs)

♪ ♪

KANYE: Can you see her with
the-with the slide heels, also?

STYLIST: Yeah.
KIM: You want to see it with

something else? KANYE: Mm-hmm.

KIM: I think all of these,
for sure, we need.

I prefer it with the sneakers.
I mean, if you want to, out of

these, I'd say these. ♪ ♪

Yeah.
Okay, I think we have this.

This week is crazy busy.
I have so many meetings, I have

a photo sh**t for KKW BEAUTY, a
Yeezy campaign, and I'm trying

to plan my baby shower and I'm
trying to book our Christmas

card and plan all of that.
It's really intense.

ELI: Hey. ]] KIM: Hey.

Oh, right. ]] ELI: I know.

KIM: I can't believe I am
getting my sisters to do this

holiday card.
ELI: How are you guys...

KIM: It's been, like, years.
ELI: How are you guys even

in, like, the same place at the
same time?

Can I use this?
KIM: We are making it happen.

ELI: That's crazy.
KIM: So I love this.

ELI: Yeah.
KIM: I-I think this will be

the vibe. ]] ELI: Yeah.

KIM: I'm thinking if we do
this top one, that we'd kind of

have messy hair.
ELI: Just, like, super

modern.
KIM: Just like, literally,

like, Kate Moss-y and just kind
of not so glam.

ELI: Yeah, it'll be so casual.

KIM: Yeah. ELI: See... you know?

KIM: Yeah. ELI: Uncomplicated.

KIM: Okay, I think that's good.

ELI: All right, awesome.
Let me know when you're ready.

KIM: The amount of work it
takes to wrangle...

Putting together a sh**t like
this is, like, a huge puzzle.

Figuring out what glam's
available and which sister's

gonna come in at which time.
Kourtney's only giving me, like,

a five-hour window.
This just is not enough time to

figure this out and to pull
this all off.

So I don't know what to do.
I just can't wait to get

through.

KOURTNEY: Why can't we glam
at : ?

KHLOE: Oh, my God.
KIM: I just have other

meetings and I have to take
them.

KOURTNEY: Okay, and I'm
leaving at : p.m., and I

don't care what anyone says.
KRIS: Be nice.

KIM: No one wants you in the
(bleep) sh**t so get the (bleep)

out of here.
KRIS: Okay, no, no, no...

KIM: Get the (bleep) out of
here and go.

Get the (bleep) out of here and
go.

♪ ♪

SCOTT: You ain't got a water
for this hike?

BENNY: No. SCOTT: You all right?

BENNY: You wear straight
white jeans, huh?

SCOTT: Yeah, I don't care.
I'm nuts, I'm living on the

edge. ]] BENNY: Yeah.

SCOTT: Watch that (bleep). Damn.

BENNY: Mm-hmm.
SCOTT: That's horse manure,

my friend. That's horse manure.

(Benny laughs) ]] BENNY: Yep.

How have you been, though?
SCOTT: I've been amazing,

for, like, the first time in my
life.

BENNY: You've never been
in a... like, another

relationship. This is new.
So it's an adjustment.

SCOTT: It is new.
BENNY: I mean, it is what it

is, everybody's got feelings.
SCOTT: I... Yeah.

BENNY: I mean, most important
thing is just for you to be good

and healthy and happy, so...
SCOTT: Yeah, and I am.

It's just a nice time to move
forward and just be positive

and happy and live, like, a
normal life again.

BENNY: Yeah, just let...
SCOTT: 'Cause...

BENNY: Let it take... go where
it goes.

SCOTT: Let nature take its
course.

BENNY: Let it do its thing.
SCOTT: I'm ready to do my

thing.
I think that Kourtney and I have

been through a lot and I don't
know, it's an ongoing struggle,

but you know, I think
Kourtney's doing well now,

I'm happy for her.
And after talking to CiCi, some

weight has lifted off of me and
I don't feel the guilt anymore.

And I feel that I'm able to now
live my life the way I should.

BENNY: (clears throat) It's
good that you've got someone to

hang with, you know what I mean?
SCOTT: Yeah, yeah, she's

good. ]] BENNY: Good that she...

SCOTT: She's a copilot.
(Benny laughs)

SCOTT (sighing): Oh, man.
BENNY: Could we get an Uber

from up here?
SCOTT: Uh... Oh! More manure!

BENNY: This is a (bleep) trail.

SCOTT: This is definitely a
(bleep) trail.

♪ ♪

KOURTNEY: Is something wrong
with the Wi-Fi, Khlo?

KHLOE: Oh, Kourtney.
KOURTNEY: It just won't post

my snaps.
KHLOE: Okay, well, I don't

know what to tell you, babe.
KOURTNEY: Mm, well, your.

Wi-Fi sucks.
KHLOE: Oh, it's so nice

seeing you. No, really.
That's great.

I love when people just come to
someone's house and complain

the whole time. ]] KRIS: Oh.

KOURTNEY: Hey, Mom. KRIS: Hi.

KHLOE: Esperanza's here.
KOURTNEY: Um, Kim is...

KHLOE: What?
KOURTNEY: Really, um, wild

on the-the scheduling for
tomorrow.

KHLOE: Why, what's happening?

KOURTNEY: They had me
glamming at, like, : p.m. or

something and our sh**t sh**ting
until : .

I was like, I really want to get
home, relax, have dinner with my

kids, give them a bath...
KHLOE: Kim's been working so

hard on this, though.
KOURTNEY: Okay, but let's

move it up, what's the point?
KHLOE: So, get her out of the

glam room and let's ask her
these questions.

KOURTNEY: Kim! KHLOE: Kourt.

KOURTNEY: Hmm?
KHLOE: Get off your ass and

go get her. ]] KOURTNEY: I will.

My (bleep) Snapchats keep
failing.

It's putting a lot of my
energy... it's draining.

Hi. We're all asking why can't
we glam at : ?

KIM: I just have other
meetings and I have to take

them. KOURTNEY: Let's just start

early and we can be done at
: .

KIM: But Kourtney, I have two
really important meetings, one's

a packaging meeting, one's my
baby shower.

If I don't have those meetings,
I cannot do either one.

KOURTNEY: Why can't you do
those today?

You know I have an important day
tomorrow and you said I would be

done early.
KIM: I honestly cannot

believe Kourtney.
Now she wants to pull my kids

out of school to do the sh**t.
But I think we should keep my

kids in school, we should do our
meetings and glams so that when

they're out of school, we'll
just do a quick photo sh**t.

Everyone understands if I don't
do this packaging meeting, then

I won't be able to launch my
collection, and I think it's so

selfish of Kourtney and I'm just
sad that she doesn't understand

that.
KRIS: Kim, it sounds like you

might be having a little bit of
a hard time just figuring it

out. Do you need some help?

KIM: Well, if Kourtney wasn't
so difficult...

KOURTNEY: If I'm out by : ,
that's all I need.

And I don't think I'm gonna get
there and change my mind.

And if no one's gonna be ready
on time, and I'm, like,

lingering around, then I'm
leaving at : p.m. and I don't

care what anyone says.
KIM: That was when my meeting

was, so...
KRIS: Where's the meeting?

KIM: It was supposed to be at
my house.

KRIS: Okay.
KIM: Unless I do it at :

in the morning.
KOURTNEY: Do it at : in

the morning.
KRIS: Who are you meeting

with? Stop. Be nice.
KOURTNEY: Do it tonight.

KIM: No one wants you in the
(bleep) sh**t so get the (bleep)

out of here.
KRIS: Okay, no, no, no...

KIM: Get the (bleep) out of
here and go.

Get the (bleep) out of here and
go.

No one wants you in the (bleep)
sh**t.

I'm planning it.
KRIS: You guys just be nice

to each other.
KIM: I'm planning this sh**t.

So we don't want you in the
sh**t. I'm planning it.

KOURTNEY: I... Did I already
say this morning?

I didn't care to do it.
KIM: Then don't be in it

'cause you're so (bleep)
annoying.

KOURTNEY: I said this
morning, I don't care.

KIM: Perfect, then shut the
(bleep) up.

KOURTNEY: No, but it's like
I'm not scheduling around Kim.

KHLOE: Ladies, ladies, ladies.

KIM: So (bleep) annoying.
KRIS: You are annoying,

Kourtney. You're being annoying.
KHLOE: Hold on, ladies.

KOURTNEY: I'm not. That's
why, because Kim wants it around

her schedule?
KRIS: Do you know what we're

fighting about?
KIM: I've had my schedule

picked.
Who has the busier schedule?

Maybe if you had a (bleep)
business that you were

passionate about then you would
know what it takes to run a

(bleep) business.
But you don't, so don't even act

like you know what I'm talking
about.

KRIS: Kourtney, you just have
a way of rubbing people the

wrong way. KIM: Kourtney is out.

She will not be at the sh**t
because she is the one that has

the annoying schedule.
I can't handle this anymore

'cause I... everyone is
dropping left and right from all

these schedule changes.
I need Kourtney to not be so

(bleep) annoying with a stick
up her ass like she (bleep) runs

this (bleep) because she
doesn't.

She's the least exciting to look
at, so she can be out.

She doesn't do (bleep).
She doesn't know what it's like

to actually have (bleep) work
to do.

You don't do (bleep).
KOURTNEY: You're a very

distraught, evil human being.
I'm not here to (bleep) be

mistreated by my (bleep)
bitch family.

NORTH: Welcome to the baby
shower!

KRIS: Thank you so much.
KENDALL: Is Kourtney coming?

KHLOE: I don't know.

KIM: I need Kourtney to not
be so (bleep) annoying with a

stick up her ass like she
(bleep) runs this (bleep)

because she doesn't.
She's the least exciting to look

at, so she can be out.
She doesn't do (bleep).

She doesn't know what it's like
to actually have (bleep) work to

do 'cause I don't know what the
(bleep) she does, so...

KRIS: Wow.
KHLOE: Kourtney's leaving?

KIM: Good.
KHLOE: She's not leaving.

KIM: Of course she should.
KHLOE: What a p*ssy.

KRIS: She was so rude.
KIM: But she'll think that

I'm rude and I was rude, but I
wanted to be rude 'cause she's

so (bleep) rude all the time.
KHLOE: Well, 'cause

everything revolves around her.
KIM: I'm just not taking her

(bleep) anymore.
KHLOE: Let me call her and

see why she left.

(phone dialing) KOURTNEY: Hello.

KHLOE: Hey. ]] KOURTNEY: Hi.

KHLOE: Are you crying?
KOURTNEY: Yeah, I'm not here

to (bleep) be mistreated by
my (bleep) bitch family.

Kim saying that I'm the least
interesting to look at.

Who even speaks like that?
KHLOE: I mean, she's just

mad, so she's saying that.
People say things when...

KOURTNEY: Khloe, you don't
say things like that.

You guys just have really
different values than me.

I choose to be a mother to my
three kids.

I'm not here looking for another
job.

I already work enough, more
than I would like to.

KHLOE: Don't talk.
KIM: You don't do (bleep).

Take it off speaker.
KOURTNEY: It's not funny.

What's natural to me is being a
mother.

KRIS: No, everybody calm down.

KHLOE: I'm taking off speaker.

KRIS: Don't be mean, Kim!
(Kourtney continues talking)

KRIS: Oh, my God.
KHLOE: I'm sorry you feel

that way.
KIM: So you would think that,

you would think that-that you
would honestly think that we

have more jobs, so work around
our schedule.

You do whatever the (bleep) you
want to do and you don't do

(bleep), so be accommodating to
the people that actually do

(bleep). KOURTNEY: You're a very

distraught, evil human being.
I don't want to see you, okay?

I don't agree with who you are
as a human being.

KRIS: Say you're sorry.
KIM: Okay, well, if I said

something that hurt your
feelings, I'm sorry.

KOURTNEY: You're just a jerk
like that.

KRIS: Just say you didn't
mean it.

KOURTNEY: No, (bleep) you,
Kim. You meant it.

So (bleep) you. ]] KRIS: No.

KOURTNEY: I am not going to
live my life around people that

make me not feel good on a daily
basis.

KHLOE: And you shouldn't.
KIM: Well, clearly you're

going through something else
'cause you're acting like a

(bleep) lunatic.
So maybe deal with that.

KHLOE: Oh my God, Kimberly.
That's not okay to say.

KIM: No, it is.
KOURTNEY: I don't choose to

be around somebody who talks to
me the way that you speak to me.

KIM: What I said to you was
rude and I wasn't even being

serious, so I said I'm sorry for
that.

But you're the most (bleep)
entitled person on the planet

when you work the least.
That's what I'm saying.

KRIS: Bring it down, bring it
down.

KOURTNEY: Why can't we
do the schedule at (bleep) :

a.m. to : ?
I'm not here to do photo sh**t

all day.
That is not important to me.

That is not one of my jobs.
KIM: So don't come. Perfect.

KRIS: Kourtney, we're just
trying... no! No, no!

KIM: I'll do the Christmas
card, me, my husband and my

kids, just me and him and the
kids.

KRIS: No, Kim. Kim, don't do
that.

KHLOE: Hello?
KOURTNEY: All everyone

(bleep) says is, "What's your
job?"

If I had enough money, I
wouldn't work.

I wouldn't do the show.
I would be a full-time mom.

That's what I want to do.
KHLOE: No one is saying you

need a second job.
My only argument was the job

that you do have, like, you're
not present for, but if you...

KOURTNEY: The guilt that I
carry every day from not being

at home when they get in from
school.

Not doing homework.
My kids suffer.

Honestly, it's like... we have
a disgusting family.

Like, I'm ashamed to be a part
of people that, like...

KHLOE: Oh, my God, you're
ashamed?

KIM: No one cares!
KOURTNEY: It's just gross

and I'm not going to be filming
with some (bleep) (bleep)

like Kim when she talks that way
about her own sister.

KHLOE: Well, okay, I love you
and I hope you feel better.

KRIS: Sorry, Kourt.
KOURTNEY: 'Kay, bye.

KHLOE: Bye.
Well, I don't think we're

disgusting or whatever she said.
KRIS: This is reminding me

of, years ago, when I used to
have to break up an argument

between my girls, and once a
referee, always a referee.

I feel like we're back in grade
school.

She's crying so hard.
KIM: I mean, was I rude

saying no one cares about
Kourtney?

Like, yeah, I know I'm being
rude.

I know I'm being rude.
KRIS: All of you cut really

deep. KIM: No, no, I know, but

she's cut really deep my whole
life.

I'm happy to apologize to her,
but I'm not gonna be like, "But"

please come to our sh**t,"
'cause I don't care.

Kourtney's so (bleep) selfish.
I do not expect her to show up

to the Christmas card sh**t, but
I've already booked it and we're

gonna do it with or without her.
KRIS: I'll see you at :

tomorrow morning. ]] KIM: Okay.

KRIS: For the meeting, okay?
I'll see you when I see you.

KHLOE: Oh, great, love you.
It's been wonderful.

KRIS: Love you, yeah, love
you guys, bye.

KHLOE: You feel okay?
KIM: I feel fine.

KHLOE: Okay.
KIM: I'm just not gonna

tolerate her (bleep) rudeness.
And I'll be ten billion times

ruder back to her every single
time until she just cries when

she sees me. KHLOE: Oh, my God.

KIM: Yeah, everyone walks
on (bleep) eggshells around her.

She's (bleep) rude.
She's so g*dd*mn entitled.

She's such a mess, a (bleep)
gremlin.

I'm not gonna play around with
her anymore.

KOURTNEY: I'm just here to
say that I'm not gonna spend my

time, whether it's my sister or
not, with anybody that talks to

me that way.
KIM: So I said one (bleep)

up thing to you today.
KOURTNEY: I cannot handle and

be around you when you're just
(bleep) a bitch.

♪ ♪

KOURTNEY: I have been working
on being better at communicating

my feelings, and I was so upset
earlier that I really didn't get

to say how I was feeling and I
really just wanted to come back

and say how I feel.
So I'm still upset, so I don't

want to sit here and like,
linger...

KHLOE: Oh, my gosh.
KOURTNEY: For days, but

I'm just here to say that I'm
not gonna spend my time, whether

it's my sister or not, with
anybody that talks to me that

way or thinks that way about me.
Everybody has different

priorities.
KIM: Well, I don't want to

spend my time with people that
don't make things that we plan a

priority and try to change
everything and aren't

considerate of other people's
work obligations, 'cause some

people do have to work.
I do have to make this deadline

for the holiday collection or
I'm screwed.

KOURTNEY: So do it.
KIM: How is the person that

is the least busy...
KOURTNEY: How am I the least

busy? KIM: The most difficult?

You're not ever accommodating,
and everybody says it.

So if everyone says it...
KOURTNEY: I wasn't even going

to do the sh**t that day, and
you asked me to do it on that

day, and you said it will be
this amount of hours, so we can

either not do it, or we can
do it at the time when I said.

KIM: I'm missing my baby
shower planning, and I'm missing

my meeting that's really
important so that I can do that

for you, and the problem...
KOURTNEY: Do whatever.

KIM: That I have with you
is you're just not considerate.

You're not like, "Thank you."
KOURTNEY: Okay, I don't

care, to be honest,
especially after you sit there

and talk to me like that today.
I just don't care.

KIM: Talk to you, Kourtney?
The way you've talked to me my

whole life, I could say so many
(bleep) things and, like, I'm

not harping on it.
So I said one (bleep) up

thing to you today.
KOURTNEY: Yeah, today.

KIM: So get over it.
KOURTNEY: At the end of the

day, when you die and when I
die, it doesn't matter how much

money is in our bank account,
but what matters to me is my

memories.
KIM: I don't care about that.

KOURTNEY: But it is to you,
because I don't give a (bleep).

KIM: I would think a memory
with your kids would be

important.
Like a Christmas card.

KOURTNEY: It is.

I'm not gonna be around people
that bring me down on a daily

basis and criticize if I'm this,
if I'm that...

I'm just doing my best.
So I-I cannot handle and

be around you when you're
just (bleep) a bitch.

Your words have-have meaning,
and they come from somewhere.

You didn't just make them up.
It's-It's really unkind.

KIM: I'm sorry if I said
something that was hurtful.

KOURTNEY: It's really unkind.
No, you're not sorry, Kim.

You (bleep) said it.
You can't take back words

that you say.
Words come from somewhere.

KHLOE: Okay, but she could
mean an apology if she does.

KOURTNEY: She could change
her outlook.

Do you think she's changing
her outlook?

Do you think she in any way
doesn't-doesn't feel the same

way that she felt this morning?
Cause I , % know that she

doesn't feel any different.
KHLOE: I think we both have

to stop judging... or all of us
have to stop judging each other.

KOURTNEY: But every time I
come in this house or anywhere

lately when we're filming,
you guys judge.

KHLOE: The only thing that I
say to you is, Kourt, you gotta

be on time.
That's all I say to you.

KOURTNEY: And I've made an
effort to try to be on time.

KHLOE: I haven't been here
and I've... now I'm here, you

were on time today, and I said
thank you.

But that's all I've said to you.
And I said fully,

if you don't wanna have other
jobs, I don't care if you want

to or not.
I moved to another state, like,

I don't care about that stuff.
KOURTNEY: Good, and I will

move to another state at some
point, or another country.

But now is not the exact moment
in time.

But I cannot wait for that day,
and hopefully, like, just don't

have to have these fake
relationships.

KHLOE: With your sisters?
KOURTNEY: That I feel like

is forced. Why on earth...

KHLOE: I mean if you feel
like you're forcing a

relationship, then you shouldn't
have that relationship, if

that's really how you feel.
KOURTNEY: No.

KHLOE: I mean, who knew that
you felt like you were forcing

relationships?
KIM: Like, don't think I'm

gonna give you what you want.
I've said sorry, I've said...

KOURTNEY: I don't give a
(bleep).

I'm not looking for anything.
I didn't come here to get

anything from you.
I didn't expect you to change

your point of view.
That's nothing that I would

ever expect from you.
You are a very specific

individual, and that's fine.
And I never judge you for it.

KIM: Okay.
KOURTNEY: I'm gonna get my

kids and go home and hang out.
♪ ♪

KIM: Hi. STYLIST: Hi, gorgeous.

ELI: Once we get everyone
together, we'll have to see,

and then make some changes.
So, let's pick, like, your

number one, and then, like,
a second option.

KIM: Hi. What's going on, guys?

ASSISTANT: We're trying out
boyfriend jeans.

ELI: Boyfriend jeans.
KIM: Will you make a pile

for me? ASSISTANT: Yes, I will.

KIM: Okay.
I moved my meetings till

earlier so that we could
all accommodate Miss Queen.

Kourtney.
KOURTNEY: There's tags on

this.
KIM: And then Kylie couldn't

come... she wanted to sh**t hers
privately at home.

Rob's trying to lay low
right now.

Kendall's gonna make it right
at the end.

It's just, like, craziness, so I
thought, why not just show the

craziness of our family?
We're just gonna do candid

pictures, and we can post them
for the days of Christmas.

Hi, Grandma. ]] MJ: How are you?

KRIS: Queen in the house.
Merry Christmas, everyone.

KOURTNEY: Yesterday, I was in
a fight with Kim.

We were actually fighting
about this sh**t.

HRUSH: Mm-hmm.
KOURTNEY: Just the scheduling

of it.
She's like, "Well, don't come."

You're the least interesting
one to look at anyways."

HRUSH: Not true.
KOURTNEY: Obviously, but,

like, she's just so evil.
KIM: She was, like,

hysterically crying.
"You guys are awful people."

Like, "I don't want to
surround myself with people..."

Like some bull(bleep) that her
(bleep) therapist says,

like full therapist lingo.
KOURTNEY: I don't wanna take

anything else on, I just don't.
HRUSH: But that's good, too,

that you know exactly what you
want out of life.

KOURTNEY: I'm here at the
sh**t today for my kids because

I really don't want them to miss
out on these moments.

So, we can just get through
the day and do this photo sh**t.

KHLOE: Why aren't you starting?

KOURTNEY: Cause this girl's
sitting out there.

Where's Mom? Where's everyone?

Let's just go do this.
I can't sit and wait all day.

Come on Reigny, come on Mase,
we're gonna sh**t. (Sighs)

KHLOE: This is not the
(bleep) holiday spirit,

I can tell you that much.
KOURTNEY: I just don't have

time for the sh**t today.

KOURTNEY: (sighs) I just
don't have time for the sh**t

today. ELI: Kourt, can you just

scoot in a little bit more?
Like, arm around Kim.

KHLOE: It's just weird.
There's tension...

ELI: Kim, if you can lean
into Kourt. Yeah.

KHLOE: I am uncomfortable.
Like, this family is known for

just sweeping things under the
rug... like, that's a big thing

we do. ELI: All right, you guys,

look over here... smile.
KHLOE: Ah. Love these family

moments.
MJ: Wait till next year.

KHLOE: Holy (bleep).
ELI: Next year we're gonna do

a nativity scene.
KHLOE: I'm not doing a group

photo anymore, this is our last
group photo.

KIM: Okay, we're done?
ELI: Yeah.

KIM: Thank you ]] KHLOE: Yay!

(Kim whoops)
KHLOE: I'll help MJ.

KOURTNEY: All right, I'm
gonna take my kids...

Thank you so much.
ELI: Can we clear this?

KOURTNEY: We gotta go, guys.
KHLOE: Good-bye, guys.

KOURTNEY: Come on, P. ♪ ♪

STYLIST: Did you just come
from somewhere else?

You had another sh**t today?
KENDALL: Yeah.

Kind of ironic that I'm sh**ting
our family Christmas card by

myself, but it's kind of how we
roll in this family.

ELI: I even like it
off the shoulder.

KENDALL: So, yeah.
Somehow they're photoshopping me

into the whole family shebang.
Who is... Oh, my God, that's MJ.

I was like, who is that?
ELI: Oh, my God, can you sit

in so she has someone
to lean into?

Yeah, that's great. Okay.

Yeah, uh...

I'm like, it's different
sh**ting a model than

toddlers... that's for sure.
KENDALL: That's so pretty.

ELI: That's so (bleep) gorgeous.

All right, let me take a photo,
this time...

♪ ♪

NORTH: Welcome to the baby
shower!

KRIS: Thank you so much!
KIM: Northie, come take a

picture with me.
These are some of our last

moments before baby sister
gets here.

KRIS: So pretty.
NORTH: Is she coming today?

KIM: No, not today.
In a month, or two.

NORTH: But it's the baby shower.

KIM: Malika!
MALIKA: You look beautiful.

Both of you, my little mommerz.
KHLOE: Thank you.

MALIKA: Would you have ever
thought?

KYLIE: Honestly, not at the
same time.

KIM: Oh. Those are
gluten-free, but the other ones

are not, and they're so good.
Can I take one pic with

with you guys touching my belly?
CHRISSY: (laughs) Yes. Oh.

KIM: The baby shower turned
out so beautiful.

We put it together last-minute,
but it was my exact vision

of this cherry blossom forest.
I wanted it to be girlie

and just sweet.
It was just all my closest

friends, and it was perfect.
KRIS: Thank you for all

coming to yet another Kardashian
baby shower.

We're so excited for Kim's baby
number three.

(guests whoop)
My... seventh grandchild.

Yeah.
FRIEND: Lucky number seven!

KRIS: You're next, Kendall!
NORTH: Lucky number seven!

KRIS: It's such a special
time for all of us, and we're

just so grateful for the joy and
the pleasure of just having this

big, huge family.
So thank you for coming.

KIM: Love you! Love you, Mom.
KRIS: We're happy for you,

Kim. KIM: You have to try those

little doughnuts.
They are so good.

To die for.
KHLOE: Um, Kendall and I, we

were just saying, it's so cool
that you did that Christmas card

sh**t, and that you wrangled
everyone together.

And if it wasn't for you,
we wouldn't have a Christmas

card this year.
KENDALL: You see that picture.

MJ took of all the kids on the
couch at Dream's birthday?

KHLOE: No.
KENDALL: She goes, "Look at"

this, and there's gonna be three
more."

And I was like, oh, my God.
KHLOE: That's what's crazy.

KENDALL: I don't need a kid
because of all of this.

KIM: You look so skinny.
KHLOE: Kylie is wild.

KIM: Let's sit, eat cake and
go to bed.

KHLOE: Who the hell...
Kourtney, I can't talk to

you now.
KENDALL: Wait, so is Kourtney

coming? ]] KHLOE: I don't know.

You should read the text
message.

I was like, "Get your ass over
here."

KIM: Do you want cake?
I'll have cake, thank you.

KHLOE: She never responds
anymore.

She's so emotionally removed
from all of us.

FRIEND: Where's Kourtney?
Are you guys still fighting?

KIM: Yeah.
I really hoped Kourtney was

gonna get over herself and just
show up, but she didn't, so I

don't think she's big on family.
'Cause if she was, she would be

at my shower.

KIM: On the next episode...
KHLOE: Kourtney, why are you

even here?
If you don't care to fix

relationships with your sister,
then you can (bleep) off.

KIM: You come over here with
such an attitude...

KOURTNEY: Khloe pushes and
pushes... I'm not up for it!

KHLOE: Mom was art shaming me.

I want to art shame her back.
SCOTT: Why don't we get a

fake Basquiat?
Holy... yes! Yes! (Whoops)

KHLOE: I am actually a
(bleep) good-ass artist.

SCOTT: It's like watching
Jesus work.