01x07 - Fix You Up

[bunniefuu]

Okay. Are you ready?

Okay.

[PHOEBE] Well, whatever
your mom said worked.

- My mom said I can sleep over.
- I like boys. But I like you too.

[TEGAN] Can we skip school
on Friday and get tickets?

It's way above my pay grade.
You'll have to ask your mom.

- If Mom says yes, can you loan us money?
- You're trying to get me k*lled?

So, Tegan and I have
been writing some songs,

and we wanna play them for you.

[TEGAN] Hey, where are you going?

[MAYA] You've been using me as, like,

a filler friend while
Sara was ignoring you.

[TEGAN] You're not a filler friend.
You're really important to me.

Yeah, as long as Sara's not around.

You should go back to your adoring fans.

[TEGAN AND SARA: "PLUNK"]

[SINGER ] ♪ Granted and
I'm so lofted layers ♪

♪ I'm wired ♪

♪ Overcome and overdone ♪

♪ My fate is on fire ♪

[SINGER ] ♪ Eat the sludge and dance ♪

♪ To screaming in my head ♪

♪ I'm so happy that we're friends ♪

♪ Me and you ♪

♪ So, here I am invisible
and upside down ♪

♪ Cornerstone clustered by millions ♪

[SINGER ] ♪ Heavy in my
pocket, you look good to me ♪

♪ My pants are huge
and chocolate covered ♪

[SINGERS] ♪ Hey, I'm just like you ♪

♪ Maybe I'm sloppy and blue ♪

♪ But, hey, I'm just like you ♪

♪ Except I've got nothing to prove ♪

♪ But we're headstrong tonight ♪

♪ Make us headstrong tonight ♪

[SINGER ] ♪ But here I am,
borrowed memories, drunken lovers ♪

♪ I swear that I have loved no others ♪

[SINGER ] ♪ She goes to
the show not to be afraid ♪

♪ She knows that it
will never be the same ♪

[SINGERS] ♪ Hey, I'm just like you ♪

♪ Maybe I'm sloppy and blue ♪

♪ But, hey, I'm just like you ♪

♪ Except I've got nothing to prove ♪

♪ But we're headstrong tonight ♪

♪ b*ating through the
rainbows of right ♪

♪ Gold covered prisms of light ♪

♪ Make us headstrong tonight ♪

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

Hang on!

Come in.

Oh, I thought you were Mom.

Did you go somewhere?

Yeah.

Where?

Uh, to give Maya our tape.

[SARA] Did she like it?

She wasn't there.

Did you want something?

Yeah. Uh, there's this girl, Cass,
that Phoebe really wants you to meet.

She thinks you guys would
be, like, best friends,

and they wanna hang out
tomorrow after school.

- Is this because you feel bad for me?
- [SARA] No! She just sounds really cool.

You don't have to if you don't want to.

Okay. Yeah.

- Sure, I'll meet her.
- [SARA] Cool.

I'll call Phoebe.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[CRASH TEST DUMMIES: "MMM MMM MMM MMM"]

[SINGER] ♪ Once there was this
kid who got into an accident... ♪

- [SARA] Hi!
- [PHOEBE] Hi!

Tegan, this is Cass.
Cass, this is Tegan.

- Hey.
- Okay. Enough with the pleasantries.

Um, pop quiz.

Bleach or Nevermind?

Nevermind.

Nevermind or In Utero?

- Nevermind.
- Okay. Nevermind or...

The answer's always Nevermind.

Congrats. You passed.

This round.

- [SARA] Well, I'm starving, let's order.
- [PHOEBE] Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

No, no way.

No one under the age of
goes to Tim Horton's.

Robin's donuts are the best.

Incorrect. But I would be
willing to undergo a taste test

if it'd make it all easier for
you to admit that you're wrong,

and then, the loser, you, have to
make the winner, me, a mixed tape.

Okay. Deal.

Cool.

[SARA] Hey, you guys want
to go to Lily's house?

Her parents are away.

Sure.

I don't know Lily, but I like
the sound of parents being away.

[SARA] What do you think?

Yeah. Let's do it.

So, where are your parents?

[LILY] Ottawa.

My cousin had a baby,
so they went to help out.

Which makes no sense because

they always tell me how
annoying infants are.

Maybe it was just you.

- [LAUGHTER]
- Ha-ha.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

- What is that?
- My brother.

He's like a guitar genius or some sh*t.

Can we go listen?

[ELECTRIC GUITAR PLAYING]

[SARA] That was awesome!

How long have you played for?

Only a couple years.

You know, Tegan and Sara make music.

No, not like that.

We just started.

Let me hear.

No. I don't... I don't know.

- Please?
- Do it.

Okay.

♪ Oh, my mother told me ♪

♪ She says without thoughts conforming ♪

♪ My strength is, without doubt now ♪

♪ Hard to feel ♪

♪ She said without my inspection ♪

♪ She said without it I see you again ♪

♪ But I don't love you myself ♪

♪ No, I don't love you ♪

[BOTH] ♪ And I don't want to be a liar ♪

♪ But I do it every day ♪

♪ Don't believe the things
they tell you, they lie ♪

♪ Don't believe the things
they tell you, they lie ♪

[APPLAUSE]

That was so good.

I think I have a new favorite band.

[PHOEBE] Me too.

You guys are good. Like, really good.

Thanks.

They should play at the party.

What party?

Uh, it's this, uh, huge thing we do

the Saturday after
the last day of school.

We have live bands, a lot
of local music people come.

You guys can play before
my band if you want.

Uh, yeah.

Yeah, we'd love to.

[WILL] Cool.

[GUITAR PLAYING]

- Oh, I suck.
- No, you don't. That sounded great.

I just wanna do a really good job

because who knows if we're good enough,

maybe we could play at a real show
at, like, Republik or something.

[SARA] I wish. Man, it's too bad
we can't play one of these guitars.

Maybe we can.

How? Steal it?

No. But I'm sure we could
figure something out.

This party is a big deal, and
it'll be like our first show.

- And since we only have one guitar...
- You have zero guitars.

Patrick has one guitar.

Right. But we just thought
it would be cool if...

[SIMONE] You want us
to buy you a guitar.

No, no! We wanna work for it. And
any job you have for us, we'll do it.

Will you help us?

Yeah. Of course.

There's plenty to do at the new
house. I could use your help there.

- You mean it?
- [PATRICK] Yeah. I mean, right?

I mean, what do you think?

Yeah. I think it sounds like a plan.

- Really?
- [SIMONE] Yup. But, um,

we can't afford to pay both of you.

So, one of you will
go work for your dad.

- Oh, working for Dad is so hard.
- I know. It's called work for a reason.

And don't expect to
get some inflated rate.

You'll make minimum wage.

- Thank you so much.
- We're gonna work really hard.

[SIMONE] Of course, you
will, you're my kids.

And you won't get paid if you don't.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

- [PHOEBE] All right.
- [LILY] Bye.

[SINGER] ♪ I bet you fall
in love too easily... ♪

All right. Rock, paper, scissors.

Loser has to go work with Dad today?

Sure.

[CHUCKLES]

- Best two out of three?
- Uh-uh. Have fun at Dad's.

[CHUCKLES]

So, you're gonna take
all this stuff here

and you're gonna throw it away. Okay?

With what?

Your arms.

- Oh, don't you have a machine for that?
- Yeah. But today I have you.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

[SINGER] [INDISTINCT]
♪ that I say I will ♪

♪ But [INDISTINCT] on the city I work ♪

♪ [INDISTINCT] to the city, yeah ♪

♪ I'm still [INDISTINCT] ♪

♪ Everything [INDISTINCT] ♪

♪ [INDISTINCT] ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ We've got to carry it ♪

♪ We've got to carry it, oh, yeah ♪

♪ We've got to carry it ♪

♪ We've got to carry it... ♪

[DAVID] Hey.

What's this?

Lunch.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

[CLANKS]

[CASS] Hey!

Hey!

[CASS LAUGHS] Hi.

- What are you doing here?
- [CASS] Your mom told me where you were.

I thought we could settle our bet.

[CHUCKLES]

Once we take this first
bite, there's no going back.

Are you sure you're ready?

- Yeah, I'm ready.
- Okay.

Okay.

Mmm-hmm.

All right.

You win easily, so expect a mixed tape

filled with California punk bands

and the dulcet tones
of Ben Lee very soon.

Yes! So, I'd like to thank my
parents for always believing in me,

but mostly God for inventing donuts.

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

I know it doesn't look like it,
but the hard part is done, you know.

We'll fly through the rest.

Oh, and the, uh,

obscenely expensive flooring
you wanted is almost here,

that'll go in after the drywall.

[SIMONE] So, um,

how close are we to moving in?

Uh, we're looking at by
the end of the summer now.

But I found those guys
who can work Saturdays,

so that'll speed things along and
we could be in here a little sooner.

Look, I know you're antsy,

but we're gonna be in
here before you know it.

- Yeah.
- [PATRICK] All right?

- Totally. [CHUCKLES]
- [PATRICK] Can I do anything

- to make you feel better in the meantime?
- No! No, you can't do anything.

You've done so much already.

Truly, this is great.

It's looking great.

All right.

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

[MARY] I just put some lemons
and some potato skins in there.

[PATRICK] You can't put
stuff like that in there, Mom.

- It's just little things, okay?
- [BUCK] I told her that.

[OBJECT CLATTERS]

- [PATRICK] See you, Buck.
- Mmm-hmm.

Thank you so much for coming to help
with the garbage disposal, honey.

Yeah, hopefully you
don't break this one.

[MARY] Next time you come, you
should bring Simone and the girls.

- How are they?
- They're great.

The girls are, uh...

they're playing music now,
and they're really good.

[MARY] Wow! You must be so proud.

[BUCK] Why? They're not his kids.

- [MARY] Buck.
- [BUCK] What? They're not.

[MARY] Well, I'd love to see them.

Okay. I love you.

[MARY] Love you too, honey.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[TEGAN] We wanna work for it.

Any job you have for us, we'll do it.

Will you help us?

Of course.

I mean, yeah, right?

There's plenty of work that
needs to be done at the new house.

- I could use your help there.
- [TEGAN] You mean it?

Yeah. All right. What do you think?

- I think it sounds like a plan.
- [TEGAN] Really?

Yeah. Uh, but, um, we can't
afford to pay both of you,

- so one of you will go work for your dad.
- [SARA] But working for dad is so hard.

Yeah, I know, that's... it's
called work for a reason,

and don't expect to
get some inflated rate.

- You'll get minimum wage.
- [TEGAN] Thank you so much.

- [SARA] We're gonna work really hard.
- Yes, of course you are.

You're my kids, you won't
get paid if you don't.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Who's that?

Oh, I invited Phoebe and Cass
over earlier, if that's okay?

I guess it has to be
because they're already here,

but Patrick and I are
having friends over soon,

- so your personal taxi is off duty, okay?
- Okay. Thank you.

- [TEGAN] Thanks.
- You bet.

- [DOOR OPENS]
- [TEGAN] Hello!

[PHOEBE] Hi!

- Hi, Simone! Hi, Patrick!
- [PATRICK] Hi, Phoebe.

[SIMONE] Hey.

And this is my new friend,
Cass, that I told you about.

Ah. Yes, the avid reader
with a great taste in music.

[CASS] Couldn't have
described myself better. Yeah.

[SARA] Okay. Well, you're not
here to hang out with my parents,

- so let's go to the basement.
- [SIMONE] Have fun, you guys

- Nice to meet you all.
- Mmm-hmm. You, too.

- [PATRICK SIGHS]
- You really jumped in there.

What, the guitar?

Yeah. Hmm.

I do need help at the
house, by the way. [CHUCKLES]

And they've never actually volunteer
for anything resembling work,

so I figured you'd be on board.

Yeah, I was, but... I
should be the one saying yes.

Okay. Why? I mean,
they're my kids too, right?

Yes, I just...

I don't like feeling,
like, we're playing house

where you were the laid back father
figure and I'm the strict mom.

I'm not trying to do that at all.

I don't think that's
what's happening here.

Well, sometimes, it feels like
that, and I don't want that.

It's bad enough that we're
stuck here in the suburbs.

We shouldn't start acting like
everyone who actually belongs here.

I don't want that either.

I'm not trying to do that,
I'm just... I don't know.

Just wanted to be here for the girls.

And the truth is, I...

you're not always available
even when you are here.

And I appreciate that.

I really do.

I should, um... I'm
gonna go get changed.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[LAUGHTER]

[LONI] So we show up at
the house and it's, like,

something out of a Lifestyles
of the Rich and Famous, I mean...

I mean, nothing interesting
is ever gonna happen there.

- Super boring.
- Yeah, exactly.

Super nice but very boring. Yeah.

[LONI] So, we knock, and
the wife answers the door,

and behind her is her husband,
and he is wearing a pajama top...

- Yes.
- ... and nothing else...

- [WOMEN LAUGHING]
- ... and he is fully at attention.

- [LAUGHS]
- What?

[SIMONE] Apparently he was having

this bizarre reaction to these new meds

that affected his penis, obviously.

[LONI] But the wife is
acting like nothing is weird,

- and his Johnson is just poking out...
- [LAUGHTER]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Thank you for helping
us with the guitar stuff.

Of course.

It's important to you,
and you're important to me.

- [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
- [POUNDING]

[KYLE] Oh, thank God. [SCOFFS]

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIGHS] I can't keep
listening to this...

Yeah. I'm sorry. I'll handle it.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

- [SARA] What the hell?
- That's enough of that.

I forgot my headphones and
I want to listen to music.

- No, we're not listening to that.
- [SARA] Why not?

Because I don't want to
listen to screaming all day.

It's bad enough your mom even
lets you guys listen to that band.

- Oh, do you hate Nirvana now?
- Please, be quiet. Let's just be quiet.

- [SARA] Do you?
- Yes, okay? Fine, I don't like Nirvana.

- The guy was weird.
- How was Kurt Cobain weird?

- He wore make up and dresses and sh*t.
- [SARA] Because he was alternative.

He was a f*g.

I can't believe you're h*m*.

Keep your voice down!

- I'm not h*m*.
- Yeah, you are.

- You can't say f*g.
- Well, I... he wasn't much of a man.

So, because he was different,
it's okay to call him that?

Jesus Christ, it's just a word.

[SARA] No, it's not. Not when
you're using it in a bad way.

You know people think
Tegan and I are weird?

How would you feel if
people called us dykes?

- That's different.
- [SARA] No, it's not.

Besides, what if Kurt
was... what you said he was?

Then that would be okay.

You can't say "f*g".

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

You know, "Smells Like Teen
Spirit" isn't a bad song.

[CHUCKLES]

Hey.

Hey.

What's wrong?

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[FRENTE!: "BIZARRE LOVE TRIANGLE"]

[SINGER] ♪ Every time I think of you ♪

♪ I get a sh*t right
through into a bolt of blue ♪

♪ It's no problem of mine,
but it's a problem I find ♪

♪ Livin' a life that
I can't leave behind ♪

♪ There's no sense in telling me ♪

♪ The wisdom of a fool
won't set you free ♪

♪ But that's the way that it
goes and it's what nobody knows ♪

♪ And every day my confusion grows ♪

♪ Every time I see you falling ♪

♪ I get down on my knees and pray ♪

♪ I'm waiting for that final moment ♪

♪ You say the words that I can't say ♪

[TEGAN] What if we
totally embarrass ourselves

in front of everybody at the party?

[SARA] You're not doing this alone.

Sara and I are playing at Will's party.

It would mean a lot to
me if you were there.

[SIMONE] Trying to turn us
into people that we're not.

It's not going to make anything better.

[TEGAN] I'm really sorry.

I need a minute.

Sara, wait.