04x30 - Jim, the Answer Man

[bunniefuu]

[Announcer] Here are...

with Elinor Donahue, Billy Gray,

and Lauren Chapin in...

Well...

this is gonna be a scramble
to end all scrambles.

It's quarter of now. My
train leaves at noon.

I have a good four hours'
work to do before I can leave.

But you'll never make it, dear.

to is three hours,

and that's not allowing
time to drive to the station.

I'll do four hours' work in two
and a half hours. It's been done.

Oh, I hate to see
you start on a trip

with this last-minute rush.

It's always the same.

I wouldn't know how
to do it any other way.

Where's my tie clip?

- Oh, here it is, dear.
- Hmm? Oh.

What's the big rush, Dad?

Your train doesn't
leave till .

Yes, he has a whole stack
of work to do before then,

so don't start any projects
that involve your father.

I'm not starting any projects.

I'll be down in the den.

If there are any
phone calls for me,

tell them I can't be reached.

What's that?

It's an adding machine.

Oh.

What are you doing
with an adding machine?

Dear, the minutes are going
by. I don't mean to rush you, but...

Yeah, I'm going to start.

Well, you see, Claude
had this adding machine,

so I traded an old electric
motor I had in the garage for it.

It's a good machine.

There's just some unimportant
little thing wrong with it.

It won't add.

Bud, you're keeping
your father from his work.

This won't take any time at all.

What I wanted to
ask you, Dad, was,

if you were gonna take one
of these machines apart...

To fix it, I mean...
Where would you do it?

There's a zillion little
parts in one of these things,

and if you lose one
of them, you're dead.

Why don't you work someplace
where the parts won't get lost?

Like where?

Well, why not the bathtub?

Oh, dear.

That is, without
water, of course.

Hey, that's a pretty neat idea.

Can't lose many
many parts in a bathtub.

No, just be sure you
put the stopper in.

Daddy, can you open this bank?

I'll take care of it, angel.
Your father has work to do.

Well, he always answers
questions for Bud,

and I got to get the money out.

It's the treasury money
for our Playtimers' Club.

Dear, you haven't time
to fool with old banks.

Oh, this will just
take one second.

Got a problem? Just ask old Dad.

Thank you, son.

Your father has problems
of his own right now.

So I'm asking all
of you to please...

Gee, I wish I knew what
to do with this velvet dress.

- It's all wrinkled.
- Just ask Daddy.

About a dress?

Sure, anything you want to
know, he's got the answer.

Here you are, kitten.

Daddy, you're terrific.

[chuckles]

Dear, why did you have
to pick today of all days

to turn into an encyclopedia?

I don't know.

Look out.

One second for a question?

Hmm?

Okay, one second.

Well, you wouldn't by the
wildest stretch of the imagination

know how to take the
wrinkles out of a velvet dress?

Why don't you ask your mother?

Well, she's busy.

Well, try hanging it in a room
where there's lots of steam.

Oh, thanks, Father.

Bud was right. Anything you
want to know, just ask Father.

Your father has four
hours of work to do

in less than two hours.

He has a train to catch...

I'm going.

[sighs]

Would you like me
to lock this door, dear?

No, leave it open.

It's harder to work

when you can only hear
half of what's going on.

Shall I sit in a chair
outside and guard the door?

No, the children won't
bother me. They're busy.

Call me if you
need anything, dear.

Thanks, honey.

, , , , , .

The Playtimers are in trouble.

Oh? Financial problems?

Yeah, I'm the treasurer,

and we've got to buy some
costumes for our next play

and we don't have enough money.

The way you count,
I'm not surprised.

I wonder how we could
make some money for our club.

Sure wish I was
smart like Daddy.

You know, we're going to
miss Father around here.

Golly, a whole week.
It's going to be awful.

Do you think if I went
down to the bank,

they'd give me some money?

What's that?

Yeah, you know,

some of that old, worn out
money they don't want anymore.

Oh, Kathy.

Well, people give
away their old clothes.

Kathy figures why
shouldn't banks

give away their old money.

Well, here he is,

the stupefied public accountant.

Mom...

Have adding
machine. Will travel.

Go ahead and laugh.

Just wait until I
get this thing fixed.

Do you know how much these cost?

No. How much?

Plenty.

What are you going
to do with that machine

after you get it fixed?

Add up stuff.

Sure, you could probably get
a job checking income taxes

for the United States
Treasury Department.

Bud, maybe I made a mistake
figuring out my treasury money here.

You want to add it up
on your adding machine?

Well, it isn't
working right now.

[laughs]

Well, I will when
I get it fixed.

Oh, I can see you
fixing that thing.

Have you ever looked at the
inside of an adding machine?

Yes, I've looked at the
inside of an adding machine.

You'll have nuts and
bolts and gears and springs

scattered from one end
of the house to the other.

Oh, no. Dad tipped
me off to a system.

Oh, Mom,

I need a couple of boxes,

one about the size
of an orange crate

and then another littler one.

Look out behind the garage.

What a character.

He certainly doesn't take
after his father intellectually.

Oh, Father gave
me a wonderful idea

for straightening out the
nap on this velvet dress.

Just hang it in a room
with heavy steam.

How do you suppose he knew that?

I told him.

After I get a couple
of spots off here,

I'll get this steamed.

Where are you
going, Miss Kathleen?

Oh, I don't know.

Just some place.

I got to do some thinking.

[groans]

[whispers] Daddy?

Daddy?

Daddy?

Huh? Oh.

What is it, kitten?

Can I ask you one little
tiny, tiny, real quick question?

Well, if it's real
tiny and real quick?

Well, our club of Playtimers

has to raise some
money for our costumes,

and I thought maybe
you'd give me an idea.

[sighs]

Look, kitten, I'd
like to help you,

but I'm awfully busy.
I'm hurrying to get...

When Betty had a
problem, you helped her.

I know, but that was different.

Don't you like me
as good as Betty?

I like you as well as Betty.

Then why won't you help me?

All right, let's see if we
can think of some way

to raise money for your club.

Are you thinking, Daddy?

Yes, I'm thinking.

Uh, how much money do
you have in your treasury?

$. and a half.

- How many members in your club?
- Five.

All right, I'll tell
you what you do.

Each member take cents

and start a little
business of some kind.

The one who makes the
most profit on his cents

wins a prize of some sort,

and all the profits
go for costumes.

- How does that sound?
- Hey, that sounds good.

We can have fun with the
contest and make money besides.

Sure, you can.

Kathy Anderson, if
Mother finds you in here,

she'll skin you alive.

You know what?

Daddy just gave me
the most wonderful idea.

We're going to make a
lot of money for our club.

You're the smartest
daddy in the whole world.

Oh, no. The United
States and Canada, maybe,

but not the whole world.

I've got to phone up
the kids and tell them.

Honestly, Father,
if you have to work,

why do you let
people interrupt you?

Well, I helped Bud with
a problem this morning.

I couldn't very
well refuse Kathy.

You know, you have the
gabbiest family in town.

If you don't put your foot
down and be firm about it,

there'll always be one of them
standing in here talking to you.

It seems that way.

You're just too good-natured.
That's your trouble.

Believe me, if I had work to do,

I wouldn't let people
come in here and yak, yak...

What did I say a few minutes
ago about disturbing your father?

I wasn't disturbing him.

Kathy was in here pestering
him about something.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

Daddy, the kids loved your idea.

We're going to start
on it this morning.

Good, I hope you
make a barrel of money.

Kathy Anderson,
what did I tell you

about staying out of here
and leaving your father alone?

Well, I had a problem,

and Daddy's the only
one who could figure it out.

Isn't he wonderful?

Well, you just hustle
yourself right out of here.

You know, you better
be careful, Father.

That's three times today you've
come up with the right answer.

You're going to
get a reputation.

Reputation or not,
I'd like to get to work.

That train isn't going to wait.

Well, if you'd keep people

from coming in here
and talking to you...

Just tell them to get out.

I'm thinking about...

Oh, brother.

What are you doing?

Why are you putting
the boxes in there?

I'm going to fix my
adding machine.

In the bathtub?

That's the dumbest
thing I've ever heard of.

It was Dad's idea.

Hey, that's pretty smart.

So I wouldn't lose any parts.

Pretty good.

Yeah, pretty good.

Let's see. Tools.
Yeah, got to have tools.

[whistling]

You better not go in
there bothering Dad,

or you'll get skinned.

I'm not going in there.

Remember what I
told you, young lady.

I remember.

[humming]

♪ [vocalizing] ♪

Who's humming out there?

Did you call me, Daddy?

No, I just asked
who was humming.

It was me. I was
humming and thinking

because I have a
real big problem.

Mommy said for me not
to bother you, so I'm not.

Good.

Take your problem to
your mother or Betty.

- Kitten.
- Well, nobody else can help me.

You always have the
right answers to everything.

Oh, now, don't be silly.

You go on out now
and find your mother.

Kathy.

Yes, Daddy?

I'll give you just seconds.

What's your problem now?

Well, all the Playtimers

have gone into their business

with their
cents like you said,

but I don't know
what to do with mine.

What kind of
business can I go into?

Look, some part of this
project you have to do yourself.

Now, use your head. Think.

I've thunk. Nothing happened.

[sighs]

Well, let's see.

[Bud] Hey, shrimp.

Boy, if Mom knew you were
bothering Dad, you'd catch it.

I'm not bothering him.
He asked me a question.

How's your work going, Dad?

Oh, but it's not
going very fast.

Quit talking to him.
He's thinking of an idea.

Say, how come she gets
to ask you all kinds of stuff

and nobody else does?

Oh, now, look, kids,
I'm never going to get

this work finished if you
keep walking in here...

What are you doing in here
after I specifically told you

to leave your father alone?

Well, I was just standing
out in the hall here,

and Daddy called me.

I was just walking by
and saw her standing.

Well, this is the last
time I'm going to tell you

to stay away from the den.

Bud, was the one who
came in and interrupted.

Daddy was thinking
of an idea for me,

and I've got to have it.

You've got to have what?

An idea how I can
make my cents grow.

Well, I have no idea
what this is all about.

It was Daddy's idea.

Bud, you shouldn't be in the
house with those dirty shoes.

Will you please go outside?

Come on, Kathy.

Kitten, I have an idea how you
can make your cents grow.

Oh, boy.

Now, take the cents
and buy some shoe polish.

And go up and down
the street, knock on doors,

tell people you're in the
shoeshining business.

Now, you should gather
up quite a few shoes.

And at cents a shine,

well, if you shine
pair, that's a dollar.

pairs, $..

Subtract a few
cents for your polish,

and there's your profit.

Hey, that's a good idea.

Daddy, you're terrific.

All right, now, that's the
last suggestion you get today.

Absolutely the last.
Do you understand?

Oh, sure. I promise I
won't bother you again.

Oh, boy.

[chuckles]

I swear I'm going to
put a guard at the door.

:? I should be twins.

One to be a father and
the other to earn a living.

I'm going to close the door.
Now, don't you let anyone in.

Hey, the spots came out of
my velvet dress just beautifully.

That's good. Now, if you
can get the wrinkles out...

Oh, I'll try the steam
as father suggested.

It'll look brand new.

Aah!

Oh. What's going on anyway?

[grunts]

Oh. Thanks.

Well, I have just about
another half an hour.

This has to be finished by :

so I can get to the
station by :.

And your suitcase is all packed.

All you have to do
is pick it up and run.

Where I made my mistake was when
I opened my big mouth this morning

and started giving advice.

Adding machines in the bathtub.

Forget it. It's all over.

I've mopped up the bathroom,

and Betty's dress
can be salvaged.

You just do what you have to do

and let me take
care of the children.

Awfully quiet. What
are they doing?

Oh, Betty's working
on her dress.

Bud's in the patio bailing
out his adding machine.

And Kathy's shining shoes.

Just keep the lid on everything
for another minutes or so.

Oh, I give you my solemn
promise that not one foot,

big or little, will be set in
this room until you're finished.

[phone rings]

If that's for you,

I'll tell whoever it is
that you're not available.

Hello?

Yes, this is Mrs. Anderson.

Yes, we live on Maple Drive.

Kathy? Oh, just a minute.

Hey, don't get that
polish all over the patio,

or Mom will skin you.

I won't. I'm almost through.

How do they look?

Oh, not bad.

Kathy, you're
wanted on the phone.

Me?

I think it's one of your
shoeshine customers.

Well, I have so many.

How would you like
to be my secretary?

How would you like
a hit in the head?

[laughs]

It's a Mrs. Avery.

You remember that name
among your customers?

I don't remember it.
Oh, I have so many.

I picked up pairs of shoes.

The only customer I really
know is Mrs. Davis next door.

The others I just went
up and rang the doorbell.

Well, I think you've
done very well.

Thank you.

Hello?

Yes, this is Kathy.

Dear, I gave you Mr. Avery's
shoes to shine. Are they finished?

Oh, they must be. I'm working
on the last pair right now.

Then you think we can have
them in about a half an hour?

Oh, sure. They'll be
right over, Mrs. Avery.

Goodbye.

That was one of my customers.
Wanted her husband's shoes.

Oh, boy. Now I start
collecting my profits.

Say, how do you know
which shoes belong to who?

You know, like that
customer that just phoned.

Which pair of shoes
did she give you?

What's the matter?

Didn't you put the
names on them?

Oh, what a bubble brain.

How did you expect to get the
right shoes back to the right people

without putting tags
on them or something?

I never thought about it.

Well, you should have.

Wow, I've seen you
pull some classy boners,

but this one takes
the all-time prize.

[chuckles]

What am I going to do?

Well... Well, stop blubbering.

Well, the first thing you
got to do is hide these shoes

so nobody can see them.

And then you can start
figuring a way out of this mess.

Uh, wait. Wait.

If you go in there
looking like that,

somebody's going
to ask questions.

Here.

Well, here now. Now, take
them down to the basement.

And be careful you don't
see mom or Betty on the way.

I'll be careful.

Thanks, Bud.

I'll shine your
shoes for nothing.

Forget it.

Be sure the zipper doesn't show.

Mm-hmm, it's
going to be all right.

Ooh.

Just take it in
a little bit here.

Okay, just right there.

All right.

Ow!

Ooh, now that's...

I'll take a little
more in right here.

Okay. You think this will
be ready for the party?

I think so.

We'll probably run it up. The
whole thing will be all ready.

Yes.

[sighs]

[crash]

Now what happened?

Just a minute, dear.

What was that noise
in the basement?

I'll take care of it.

[Margaret] Kathy?

Kathy, did you hurt yourself?

[Jim] Are you all right?

Huh?

I'm okay.

Oh.

Well, you shouldn't be trying

to carry this big
box full of shoes.

You could hurt
yourself on these stairs.

Why were you bringing
the shoes down here?

Uh, I thought they'd
keep better down here.

Don't you fall down
any more steps.

You want to be in good shape

so you can deliver these
shoes and collect your money.

Angel, are you sure
you didn't hurt yourself?

Anything else wrong?

There's something the matter.

What's gone wrong,
darling? Tell us.

Has it something to
do with those shoes?

Well, what is it?

I made a horrible mistake,

and I can't ask
Daddy what to do.

Why not?

I promised you I
wouldn't bother you again

while you were working.

Well, angel, if
it's that important,

I think you can ask your father.

Of course, kitten.
What's the trouble?

It's awful.

I picked up all those shoes

from the people around
the neighborhood,

and I didn't put
the names on them.

Oh, dear.

I don't know how I'm going

to get the shoes
back to the people.

I don't know what to do.

What'll I do, Daddy?

How's she going to find
out who they belong to?

Well, let him think.

Oh, I'm sorry, kitten,
but my time has run out.

I hate to do it, but I
really have to leave.

Honey, I'm a mess. Would
you please get me a clean shirt?

No, Daddy! Don't leave!

Now, don't make a
national disaster out of it.

We'll think of something.

Daddy's the only one
who could help me.

Well, you see? Now, this
is what happens to a guy

who can always come
up with the right answer.

Believe me, when
I become a father

I'm going to be
a stupid old slob

who knows nothing from nothing.

[sobs]

Oh, now Kathy, come on.

[Betty] Now, Kathy, stop crying.

Father did everything
he could for you.

Oh, I feel like a traitor

walking out and
leaving her like this.

Now, put it out of your
mind. Your work comes first.

After all, it isn't a
world-shaking problem,

but a little matter
of a mix up of shoes.

Well, to her it's a big problem,

and I was the one
who got her into it.

Old Father, the
genius who never fails.

I could kick myself
around the block.

Oh, who am I kidding?
I can't go, Margaret.

Do you think I could leave
knowing Kathy's in there

crying her heart
out because I...

Wait a minute.

Kathy.

Kathy, come here.
I have an idea.

[sniffling]

What do you want, Daddy?

If you take this shoe rack
and do just as I tell you,

I think you'll get all the shoes

back to their owners
slick as a whistle.

Well, how will I know
whose shoes go to who?

You don't have to know.

You take this downstairs,
get your wagon,

and put all the shoes on here.

How do they look, Daddy?

Oh, just great.

Now remember what I told you.

I'm going to try your
idea on Mrs. Davis first.

Hope it works.

Let's go, Dad, if you
want to catch that train.

Well, Kathy the shoeshine girl.

Say, that was fast service.

There they are, Mrs. Davis.

Here are Red's shoes right here.

Oh, what a clever way
to deliver them, Kathy,

and they look beautiful.

Daddy, you did it again.

Bye.

Goodbye.

- Bye.
- Bye-bye.

- Bye, dear. Now be careful.
- I will.

- Call me when you get there.
- Okay.

- Bye-bye.
- Bye.

Oh, poor Father.

I'll bet he's glad to be rid
of his family for a while.

Get away from all those
questions, questions, questions.

I don't think so.

Well, there's an old saying

that a man's success
can be gauged

with the number of people
who ask his for advice.

Maybe that's true.

If it is, we've just said
goodbye to a millionaire.