05x18 - The Ideal Father

[bunniefuu]

(lush orchestral music)

- [Narrator] Robert Young

and Jane Wyatt,

with Elinor Donahue, Billy Gray and Lauren Chapin in

Father Knows Best.

- Hold it!

- Oh, dear!

It's hard enough finding my way to the kitchen without--

- What happened?

Couldn't you find enough to do?

You had to take on painting the house?

- Uncle Charlie Everettphoned this morning

right after you left.

The job he was going to do this weekend was postponed

and he said he could start today in the kitchen.

In a reckless moment,I told him to go ahead.

(laughter)

- Good old Charlie.

How is he, anyway?

Just as gabby as ever?

Full of advice?

- Just the same.

I think so far today,he's straightened me out

on the proper method of ironing shirts and

has completely reorganized the Federal government.

(laughter)

- That's not much for Charlie.

He must be slipping.

(laughter)

- Remember, he hasn't put in a full day.

He didn't get over here til noon.

Thank you, dear.

Just it there on the chair.

- All right.

Hello, Charlie!

- Oh, hi there, Jim.

- What have we here?

- Oh, just some things I bought for the kids.

I got Bud a spotlight for his car.

They had them on sale.

- Did you buy spotlights for Betty and Kathy, too?

(laughter)

- I couldn't very well buy a gift for Bud

and not buy something for the girls.

- Well, if you aren'tthe original old softie.

If gifts are going to be bought,

the children should be buying them for you.

- Eh.

- Well, you have a birthday tomorrow, remember?

- Not again.

- Forgets his own birthday, but he's Johnny-on-the-spot

to remind somebody elsethey're a year older.

I'm still carrying that wallet he give me two years ago.

Made of sealskin.

- Aren't you going to say hello to Uncle Charlie?

- Oh, hi, Uncle Charlie.

- Hm.

(laughter)

- Oh, Bud, wait a minute.

I got something for you in town today.

I thought you could use it on your car.

- Oh, thanks, Dad.

What is it?

- Oh, it's just a box.

- A spotlight!

How about that!

Wow!

- What's going on out here?

- Look!

Dad got me a spotlight.

Isn't it the greatest?

- Did you bring me anything?

- Now, why should I bring you anything?

(laughter)

- Now, you know your father.

No one's forgotten.

- Oh, what did you bring me?

Let me see!

- That's what I love about Father.

Always excited.

- [Jim] Now, don't get too excited.

It's not a diamond-studded convertible.

- Oh, a silk scarf!

Oh, thank you, you wonderful, beautiful Daddy!

- Oh, it's dreamy, Father.

You're sweet, sweet!

- No kidding, Dad.

This is just the kind ofspotlight I've been looking for.

You're the greatest!

The greatest!

- [Kathy] I've got to show Patty my scarf!

- That's great, Dad.

Thanks a million!

(telephone ringing)

- That's for me.

I'll take it in the parlor.

- I've just got one thing to say.

The children have had more than their share of receiving.

Tomorrow, Birthday Boy, it had better be your turn.

(chuckling)

- You know something, Jim?

Watching the kids when you was handing out the presents,

do you ever stop to wonder do they like you for what you are

or for all the things you do for them?

- That's a good question.

But, I'm pretty surethe children think of me

as something more than a good-natured slob

who hands out favors.

They know how to give as well as take.

- All I ever seethem do is take.

When does the giving start?

(laughter)

- Charlie, you'regetting old and bitter.

- Yeah, not so old that I still can't see pretty good.

I don't think those kidsgive a hoot about you

unless you're playing Santa Claus.

- Oh, you're talking through your hat.

- All right, you mark my word.

You'll see.

- Charlie, you'regetting painter's colic.

- Painter's colic?

(laughter)

(jaunty orchestral flourish)

- Morning, Charlie.

- Hi.

- Morning, Mr. Anderson.

- Hello, Ed.

- Many happy returns of the day.

- What?

Oh, thank you.

- Here, have a quart of orange juice.

Birthday greetings from the company.

- Well, thank you.

I hope you'll tell the company I am much obliged

and give the president my sincere regards.

(laughter)

- Coming through, watch your back.

Hello, Margaret.

- Good morning, Charlie.

You can see how long we've been taking milk

from the Supreme Dairy.

I think they know our birthdays and anniversaries

better than we do.

- Oh, thank you.

- Well, a fellow kind oflikes to be remembered

on his birthday.

I picked up a littlesomething for you, Jim.

- Well, thank you, Charlie.

- It's one of these pocket knives with a scissor,

a screwdriver and goodness knows what-all in it.

A mighty useful tool.

(laughter)

No, you got to give me a penny for it.

You can't give a presentof a sharp object.

You've got to sell it to them, or else you'll have a fight.

(laughter)

- Well, that's little enough to keep peace in the family.

(laughter)

Say now, that's pretty neat.

(chuckling)

Every time I peel an apple, I'll think of you.

(knocking)

- Egg man!

- Oh, good morning!

- How are you, Frank?

- Oh, I can't complain.

By the way, Mr. Anderson, my wife sent along

some homemade cinnamon rolls, a birthday greeting.

- Well, thank you, Frank, and your thoughtful wife.

Mm, we'll have these for breakfast.

Stay and have a cup of coffee with us.

- I can't now, I've got to run along, but thanks anyway.

- Say, the loot is rolling in.

A new pocketknife, a quart of orange juice

and a dozen cinnamon rolls already.

The day hasn't even started.

- It's like everyone istown is making a project

of remembering your birthday.

- Why fight it, Margaret?

After all, such popularity must be deserved.

(laughter)

- How about your kids?

You think they'll remember?

- Here we go again.

(laughter)

- Jim, you'd better go to the foot of the stairs

and start calling.

Get the Junior Leaguedown here to breakfast.

- All right.

- Well, I'll get out ofthe way while you folks

have your breakfast.

You ought to put a little more cream in that omelet

and cook her real slow.

- Yes, Charlie.

(laughter)

- Mm, those cinnamon rolls look delicious!

Oh, wasn't it sweet of them to remember your birthday.

- Hi!

- Hello, Kathy.

- Oh, at last!

It's about time you came meandering down.

- Any sight of Bud and Betty on the road?

- [Kathy] Oh, they're coming.

- You know what day this is, Kathy?

- Sure, it's Saturday.

(laughter)

- Hi, Dad.

- Oh, good morning, son.

- How do you feel this morning, Dad?

- [Jim] I feel fine, why?

- How would you like to helpme put the spotlight on my car?

(laughter)

Well, you don't have to do it right now.

After breakfast would be fine.

- Yes, it would be a little more convenient then.

(laughter)

- Good morning, everybody.

- Good morning, Princess.

- Well, this is the big day.

- Big day for what?

- Yeah, what?

- Oh, you haven't forgotten!

It happens every yearon this exact same day.

The Spring Formal Ball!

(laughter)

This is the biggest social event of the year.

Isn't anybody the least bit interested?

- Doesn't mean anything to me.

I'm not going.

- I'd sure go if I was six years older and

I had a new dress and somebody asked me.

(laughter)

- Why are you andMother looking so funny?

- Well, it's just possible that this Saturday

could be important for some other reason.

- What other reason?

- Let's see.

Could this be the rd anniversary of the invention

of the fireless cooker?

(laughter)

No, that's not it.

- Honestly, what's gotten into everybody in this family?

- Don't include me.

They're the ones that are way out there.

- Mother, guess who I'm going to the Ball with tonight?

Don McCall.

He's the dream of every girl in school.

- This is getting pretty sickening.

I'm gonna go out and work on my spotlight.

I'll be outside, Dad.

- Don't you want any omelet?

- I'm going to wear my green dress to the dance tonight.

Can you imagine how that will look with Don's car?

He has a yellow convertible.

- What are you gonna do?

Drive it around the dance floor?

(laughter)

- Oh, really!

- [Kathy] Excuse me, I'mgoing over to Patty's.

- Kathy, what about your breakfast?

- I'll be back in a minute.

- I have a million things to do before tonight.

I have to shampoo my hair.

My nails are a mess.

Where did the cinnamon rolls come from?

- Just free samples the egg man brought.

- Where did the eggman get cinnamon rolls?

- They come from a new kind of hen his company's trying.

(laughter)

- Oh, Father!

(sentimental string music)

- I could spank all three of them.

The things you do for them,

they can't think of you on just one day of the year.

- Birthdays meannothing to kids, honey.

You know that.

- Other people's birthday, perhaps,

but they never let you forget their own.

- Look, if you're so fired up about my birthday,

let's celebrate.

We'll dress up and have a big evening out tonight.

We'll go dinner-dancingat the Wilton Hotel,

get a ringside table in the Gold Room,

just you and me.

- All right, it's a date.

But, wait a minute.

Betty's going out.

Who will stay with Kathy?

- Bud isn't doing anything.

Why can't he stay with her?

Bud, come in here a minute.

- [Charlie] Well, how did it go, Jim?

Kids remember your birthday?

(telephone ringing)

(laughter)

- [Betty] I'll get it!

- Charlie, you have a one-track mind.

(laughter)

- Hello?

Marge! Hi!

Bud, sure he's here.

- Bud won't mind stayingwith Kathy this evening.

He could have some of his friends over,

watch television or something.

- Dad, this thing fits perfect,

just like it wasmade for my car.

You're brilliant, Dad!

- Well, thank you, son.

Your mother and I thought we might go out this evening.

How would you like to stay with Kathy?

- What?

You want me to babysit?

(laughter)

- Kathy's not quite a baby,

but somebody has to stay with her.

- Why do you have to pick on me?

(laughter)

- Well, I'm not picking on you, son.

I just thought, you said youweren't doing anything tonight.

- Marge, I'm on the kitchen phone now.

Yeah, Bud's right here.

Hold on a minute.

You want to go to the Spring Formal Ball tonight?

- Who, me?

- Yes, you.

Marge's cousin fromHillsboro's in town and

she needs a date for tonight.

You know her.

Carolyn Wells, thatreal cute little blonde.

- Oh, that one, yeah!

- Do you want to go?

Hurry up, Marge is waiting.

- I want to go.

- Oh, Marge--

- Except if I have to babysit for Kathy.

- I didn't say you had to, son.

I just asked you if you wanted to.

- Just a sec.

- Well, if you want me to be honest, Dad.

I don't want to stay with Kathy.

I'd rather go to the Spring Formal Ball.

- Okay, but at least you're honest, Bud.

(laughter)

- It's fine!

He'd like to go, Marge.

Oh, well, hold on a minute.

Carolyn's wearing a formal.

You'll have to get a tux.

- A tux?

Where could ...

Hey, Dad?

Where could I get a tux?

- I think I can round one up for you.

George Newman has one his son outgrew.

- Oh, man!

Thanks, Dad!

You're the greatest!

Just the greatest!

- Bye-Bye.

- Oh, this will be a big deal!

- [Betty] Oh, itwill be perfect.

Carolyn and you alreadyknow each other,

so it works out all the way around.

(sentimental string music)

- I'll start phoning and see if I can find a sitter.

- Don't be angry with Bud and Betty.

- Don't be angry?

How can I help it?

Not one of them remembered your birthday.

I'd like to use a great, big stick!

(sentimental string music)

- Don't forget Bud's tuxedo.

(laughter)

(pleasant orchestral music)

- [Bud] Mom? Hey, Mom!

- I'm in the bedroom.

- Hey, Mom, look at thetuxedo Dad got for me.

Practically brand new.

- It looks very nice.

- Dad always comes through, doesn't he?

What a guy!

- Yes, what a guy.

(sentimental string music)

- Oh, Daddy!

Look at what Patty's brother just gave me!

A real second-hand camera!

(laughter)

- Say, that's all right!

- I'm gonna take some pictures just as soon

as I get some film.

Will you drive me down to the drugstore

so I can get some film?

I have the money.

- After a while, Kitten.

- I gotta go right now so I can take the pictures

while the sun's still out.

Oh, please, Daddy!

- All right, we'll go in a minute.

- Oh, boy!

I just love you!

Hey, Patty, it's all right!

I'm gonna get some film.

Daddy's gonna drive me down to the drugstore.

(chuckling)

(laughter)

- All right, they're your kids, not mine.

But, you're in for an awful let-down on of these days.

Forgetting your birthdaywas only the start.

Wait til you really need them to do something for you.

- They won't let me down.

- You'll see.

- Oh, go paint your kitchen!

(chuckling)

(laughter)

- I'm having a real problem finding

someone to stay with Kathy tonight.

Seems like every girl in town is

going to the Spring Formal Ball.

- There must be someonewho isn't going.

Can't you get a teenager

who's sprained her ankle or something?

- Are you and Daddy going out again?

- Again?

Your father and Ihaven't been out since--

- [Betty] Mother!

- Oh, now what?

- Mother?

Oh, Mother, the cleanersforgot to send out

the belt to my dress.

I can't wear it without the belt.

- What about your pink one?

- I can't wear that old thing again.

Father, would you be an angel and go down to the cleaners?

It's a green velvet belt.

It goes with this dress.

- [Kathy] Daddy's takingme to the drugstore.

I asked him first.

- Why can't Bud go?

- He's in the shower.

Father, I don't ask many favors, just to drive down--

- Oh, just to drive down to the cleaners.

- All right, all right.

- Oh, Father, you're wonderful.

- But what about your film?

- You can get your film.

Father, when you stop at the drugstore,

would you get me arefill on this lipstick?

Just ask for Dream Of Romance.

- What's that?

- That's the shade of the lipstick.

And if they don't have Dream Of Romance,

get Bewildered.

(laughter)

- That I can get.

(laughter)

- Come on, Daddy, come on.

- Thank you, and thanks for getting my belt, Father.

You're a doll!

- Well, it's a funny thing, I--

- Well, it was nice of her to say thank you.

- Oh, Margaret.

- I'm ready to disown the children,

give them away toanybody who wants them.

- Well, who should we give them to?

The Salvation Army?

(laughter)

Bundles for Bangkok?

(laughter)

They're pretty big toget into a CARE package.

- It's not funny.

You just--

- Oh, want me to check thewoodwork in the upstairs rooms?

- Sure, go ahead, Charlie.

- You just can't say no to the children.

They walk all over you,

act as if you were their personal sl*ve.

- I think all kids take advantage

of their parentsonce in a while.

- It's their whole attitude.

You're lovey-dovey Daddy when you're doing for them

but ask them to do one little favor

for you and they're horrified.

- You think if we came knocking on their door

some snowy night,

you in a ragged dress with a shawl over your head,

me in a thin, ragged coat with holes in my shoes,

that they'd turn us away, sic the dogs on us?

(laughter)

- The way they've acted today,

I wouldn't be at all surprised.

- Well, you and Charlie.

(laughter)

- So, here we sit, on your birthday,

practically the one evening out

we've planned in the whole year.

We can't go because there's no one to stay with Kathy.

Oh, it just makes mefurious that Bud can go

and Betty can go withnever a thought for you

and you won't let me say one word to them about it.

- No, I don't want it on those terms.

You can't order thoughtfulness, honey.

It has to come naturally.

At least, that's the way I feel about it.

(sprightly orchestral music)

- Am I in your way, Betty?

- No, I'm just looking for a pair of Mother's earrings.

(lush orchestral music)

- Ah.

- [Betty] Bud, are you dressed?

- Am I dressed?

Yes, indeed.

- I've got to talk to you right now.

- [Bud] Talk away, my little chickadee.

- [Betty] Kathy!

- [Bud] What's up, Sis?

- I'll tell you what's up.

We've just joined the ranks

of the lowest creatures on Earth.

- What's the matter?

- You name it.

Worms, snakes, the very lowest.

That's us.

- What did we do?

- What did we do?

We've been having a high old time all day,

running Father ragged and not one of us has remembered

that today is his birthday.

- Oh, brother.

- He didn't say anything about it.

- Well, you don't expect him to announce the fact, do you?

- I bet that's why Mom was acting so funny this morning.

Boy, we sure goofed, but good.

- Maybe that's why Mommy andDaddy wanted to go out tonight.

- What's this?

- They said something thismorning about going out tonight.

They wanted me to stay with Kathy.

I didn't know it was Dad's birthday.

- I'll bet Mother andFather are proud of us.

This is the thanks Father gets

for knocking himself out for us.

- If they're going out tonight,

Mom and Dad will have a big time--

- I don't think they're going.

I heard Mommy say she couldn't find anybody to sit with me.

- And all day, Father's been running our errands,

k*lling himself for us.

I'm sick, just sick.

- I guess we could go down to the drugstore

and buy him a present.

- Present?

We could buy him a ton of presents and it wouldn't begin

to make up for what we've done.

- Gosh, he didn't say anything about it.

It's not our fault.

- Don't try to weasel out.

You know very well that all three of us have been

so wrapped up in what we were doing

that we didn't give Father a thought.

Face it, my dear little ones.

We're threeguaranteed, bonafide,dyed-in-the-wool skunks.

(sentimental string music)

- What are us skunks gonna do?

(laughter)

- Well, I think each of us has to

figure that out for himself.

Only one thing is certain, this time we're on our own.

We can't go to Father for help.

(sentimental string music)

(laughter)

- Well, I guess we can always catch up on all those

back issues of the National Geographic.

(laughter)

- There's a birthday celebration for you.

- Oh, I'm through with men!

I'm thoroughly disgusted!

I just phoned Don to find out what time

he was going to pick meup and can you imagine?

The wretch!

The fiend had the nerve to tell me that he was sorry

but he couldn't go to the Spring Formal Ball tonight.

Something about his aunt arriving in town or something.

- Oh, no!

- You had to call him to find that out?

- No, he called me.

(laughter)

No, I called him!

That was it!

(laughter)

I could wring his neck.

So, if you and Motherwant to go out tonight,

I mean, I'll be here.

I could stay with Kathy.

- Thank you, Princess, but--

- Daddy?

Well, I was just thinking, since this is your birthday

and I haven't got any presents or anything, well, I ...

I'll wash your car for you if you want.

(laughter)

(chuckling)

- You don't haveto wash the car.

Say, that tux looks fine on you, son.

- Yeah, but I won't be needing it.

- Now, what's happened to you?

- I just remembered thatI promised Kippy that

we'd do homework together tonight.

(laughter)

- Saturday night?

(laughter)

- Yeah, well, you know,a guy doesn't want to

put this stuff off til the last minute.

(laughter)

He'll be coming over here, I guess,

and so if you and Mom still want to go out,

I'll stay with Kathy.

Kippy and I will be here.

- You said that Kippy had gone to Hillsboro for the weekend.

(laughter)

- Yeah, well, it was Claude.

Claude Messner that I was gonna study with.

- Kids, I appreciate this but it seems a little strange that

at the last minute, so many changes and plans ...

- I'll explain, Father.

You see before you threevery sorry Andersons.

(sentimental string music)

We were so full of our own plans that

we forgot all about your birthday.

Something had to be doneto show you and Mother

that we're not completely heartless.

Forgetful, sometimes, of all the things you do for us,

the sacrifices you make for us,

but not heartless.

- When something like this happens,

it kind of shakes you up.

A guy doesn't go around all the time telling his folks

he's nuts about them but sometimes,

like right now, you wish you could say how you feel

and how much your folks mean to you.

- The biggest favor you and Mother could do for us

would be to get dressed up and go out on your evening.

Let Bud and me stay here with Kathy.

- Oh, no, Betty.

We wouldn't think of it.

You both go outexactly as you planned.

- You offered to stay.

That's all that matters.

- Excuse me, could I make a suggestion?

Suppose my wife and me come over and stay with Kathy?

Then, you could all go.

- Oh, Charlie, would you?

- It's all set!

(everyone chattering happily)

- Charlie, isn't that wonderful!

- I'm kind of glad to say this, Jim.

By golly, you were right.

(laughter)

- Right about what, Father?

- Oh, just a little thing Uncle Charlie and I

were talking about this morning.

- Happy Birthday, dear.

(lush orchestral music)

(applause)

(lush orchestral music)