01x11 - Still Spending

[bunniefuu]

no sweet fan see what I'm seeing boys I

got eyes I'd like to get me some of that

I know I'm not allowed to touch but

there's no law against dreaming I got to

get a better look um excuse me uh my

friends and I were just wondering if um

you could get out of the way you're

blocking the big TV she is so beautiful

i wish i could take her home with it

bill I'm not married but is this what

love feels like yeah except for this you

can turn it on and fall asleep without

getting yelled at me Graham it some love

I can't afford no guys I got a little

surprise for you this is the floor model

with a beautiful little scrape right on

the side so with our employee discount

this is only like a thousand bucks I

can't believe I blew my last paycheck on

breaks for my car thousand bucks that's

a pretty good deal yeah I was actually

thinking about buying it myself but I'm

kind of saving up to get that tattoo on

my back colored in so he's gonna buy it

even at that price Julian never go for

it which isn't fair so I work damn hard

for my money

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[Applause]

[Music]

got a surprise for you I rented your

favorite movie terms of endearment I

rented your second favorite movie fried

green tomatoes I rented a movie st.

Elmo's fire oh that movie you do know

it's not about a big fire right I know

about a group of college graduates they

thought they'd be friends forever but

forever couldn't last brief nudity yes

Oh what's with a chick flick well I saw

this that reminded me of the time we

went to see it at the theater I remember

looking at you and thinking this is the

woman I want to spend the rest of my

life with oh that is so sweet God our TV

is so small I knew it look you want a

new television no that'd be crazy I want

a slightly damaged floor model and with

my employee discount that practically

Pandey to take it oh how much are they

paying you negative a thousand dollars

oh we can't spend that kind of money I

knew you were gonna say that so I've

come up with a complete solution for

this entire problem I know

listen when it comes to our financial

decisions we both have to agree on

everything all right all in favor buying

the TV raise your hand Oh looks like

somebody's regretting the vote they

already cast all right fine let's just

watch the tiny little movie hey hey

Linda you guys after watching a movie

Elmo's fire Andrew McCarthy and Rob Lowe

rare love to be the reason ass sandwich

guessing that red would have to be

awfully toasted what beer yeah that'd be

nice I'll build on the spring on your

pants oh my mistake but now that you're

up can you get us some beer what a night

no no TV crappy movie bag of jelly beans

ain't on the way home really creating

problems okay here's a half the money

that you loaned me oh wait wait wait

wait wait what did you just say I'm just

trying Judy back Judy loaned you money

oh but that can't be possible cuz that'd

be a financial decision I would have

been a part of hey Belle look there's

nudity so you loaned her money without

telling emergency she needed a new

transmission and besides she's gonna pay

us back when she gets her bonus next

week like I always do a Linden like you

always do okay now I get it there's a

loophole in our money rules and it's

about oh this big big difference is

spending money out of television and

loaning money to someone in an emergency

jelek when I got that big date I had to

get my teeth whitened will you please

shut up when you spend money it's

different than when you loan money when

you spend it you you never see it again

when you'll own it you get it back

that's why they call it alone Oh alone

like how you make our financial

decisions alone okay bill I get your

point all right you know what I'm going

to the bar I'm gonna have a few beers

I'm not gonna ask you if I could buy it

I'm gonna make that financial decision

alone

there's 20 bucks in my purse thanks Judy

and I decided we can't buy the TV what's

the matter mommy wouldn't let you buy it

Oh Judy and I came to a mutual decision

that it would be irresponsible mommy

won't let him buy it because I let her

not let me buy it who you're so tough

when you're doing what you're told you

see this is why you don't marry that

pretty they tell you what to do you

marry a woman with bad skin and thick

ankles she'll carry that TV home for you

TV belongs in one of our places yeah

every Sunday we could get together watch

the game well you know I've got 600

bucks in my tattoo fund I know I could

get a hundred bucks for my car but that

still leaves me like three hundred

dollars short I'm not gonna have that

kind of scratch until next week once I

get alone wait wait wait did you just

say alone of course that's exactly what

you're gonna get are you kidding i'd

never qualify I'll that's because you've

never been to the back of Bill my friend

is that you're the strip club and

halsted and I sometimes see when you

spend money it's gone when your loan

money comes back I'm lost I loan you the

money to buy the TV and I get to come

over to your place to watch it anytime I

want you sure that's gonna be all right

with mom hey I'm the man of the house

cuz i'm taking the rule she laid down

and twisting them to suit my needs oh

you know you guys up in bathroom

fixtures are pretty sharp our motto is

we're number one and number two

[Laughter]

lost again I'm sorry mom what is going

on the world shower was so cool in here

we jumped out of my skin that's because

of hot water heater broke this morning

Lauren did you see the sign I put on the

bathroom door what's fun Oh put this on

the bathroom door what am I supposed to

do now okay after dinner I'll boil you

some water you can take a bath but are

we frontier people can't now go upstairs

before we marry you off oh I'm so glad

you're home it's comforting when the man

of the house walks through the door wait

wait a minute why are you glad I'm home

hey wait why are you the man of the

house well I'm glad you asked because

today I exercise my power of financial

freedom oh please tell me you did not

buy that TV of course not because as you

explained to me when you spend money you

don't get it back but when you loan

money what did you do I love the money

to jet from electronics to buy the TV

which per our conversation last night

only requires one vote see what

something breaks and we need to come up

with cash real quick well that's not

gonna happen miss doom and gloom you got

nothing well you got me honey would you

do me a favor and put some hot water in

that pot over there sure you're darn

right I got you cuz I found a way to

enjoy the pleasures of a big screen

without spending any money you are a

super duper genius tell me more I like

someone's a little jealous cuz I b*at

them at their own game isn't really

about the money is it Judy it's about

power who has it and who wants it how's

that water coming so now I have the

power to watch football every sunday at

Jeff's house on a big screen that costs

us let me add it up zero dollars and we

all live happily ever after that's a

cute little story bill hey I've got a

story for you today the water heater

broke the end water heater broke yes you

can stop doing that so in conclusion who

here thinks bill made a stupid decision

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broke yeah and it needs to be replaced

you got to go to Jeff and get that money

back well why don't you go get the money

back from linda i did but it's not

enough for a new water heater all right

i'll just fix the one we already have I

am the man of the house bill you are not

a fixer that's not true i fixed the

railing on the basement stairs now fix

that water heater ya got the money back

from jeff i hate call didn't know you

were working today I'm not my cables out

why you were any work blazer cuz I don't

want to look like a loser standing here

watching cartoons on my day off we wet

have you seen Jeff no way man sick

people grossed me out what oh you didn't

hear Jeff broke his pelvis trying to

move that big TV he bought he's flat on

his back at his mother's place he broke

his pelvis that's horrible yeah real

horrible guy gets to lie in bed for two

months watching a big screen TV while

people attend to his pelvis if you're

not familiar with the pelvis it's in

this area I'm gonna do for money you

know food rent the pain back of loans I

took up a collection for it that's great

Carl how much you got looks like a

couple bucks oh come on you gotta do

better than this yeah well people don't

exactly dig deep when you mention the

name Jeff Hoffman what wait a minute

that's Jeff hackman's oh my god I loaned

money to Hackman never pay you back you

know how he got that nickname shout

that's what a warm yet almost you know

this stinks how much longer is the water

heater gonna be out I don't know could

be another day I heard you and Dad

talking about finances I have a computer

program that could help you hey wait a

minute that's not a bad idea how much do

you think we could get for your computer

all right oh god that's not I've got the

money to solve your problem hi no but I

brought you flowers that money on

flowers Oh somebody send him to Jeff why

are people send in Jeff's Flowers has

shifted oh they did kind of break his

pelvis wow wow getting the TV home some

guessing you didn't get the money what

is the battle with you a man's pelvis

has been crushed and only you can think

about is the money sometimes Judy you

make me so angry whole thing with you

pretending to be the angry one never

works felt that makes me so mad come on

well at this point I'm just doing it for

the show you know what I was thinking

about this on the way home why don't we

have the money what do you say well

you're the one who handles all the bills

around here and you're so sure without

of money you know what I'm a

professional businessman I bet if I took

a look at our books I could find an

extra couple of hundred bucks oh you

couldn't find a couple of hundred bucks

in a pile of a couple of hundred bucks

all right bring it on or are you afraid

I'm gonna find all your hidden money oh

come on Bill let's go on a hunt for all

the hidden money they should be fun

let's start with the blue folder wool

blue folder golly sure hope I can

understand it okay this is our monthly

bank statement this is what we make

every month and this is what was fun oh

well we make more than we spend that's

good news well it would be if we didn't

have the restful okay already I can see

we would save money by having one less

folder a good girl put the thirty-nine

cents in your call all right thank you

we use the red folder to hold the bills

that were juggling like this film the

credit card dip well what idiot gave us

that much

there's the doctors filled the dentist

bill Student Activity piece dance class

field trip then there's the bills we pay

every month the mortgage the phone the

gas and harsh stop stop stop stop i'm

out next month in very tough ville

because the car needed new tires the

property tax was doing how you see what

you can't go lending people money maybe

you loaned money to Linda what if

something had happened to her she could

have been hit by a car or pushed under a

train aboard by two bulls that were

running at each other head on or

plummeted a lot of hot sometimes it's

hard for me to fall asleep at night

poignant bill this stuff is hard and I'm

on my own whenever I bring up our

finances yours boo boo you be in my

defense that's just because all this

stuff is boring and hard that's right

bill it is but I do it for us and if

you're gonna give me the responsibility

then you can't complain about it on the

other hand I should have talked to you

first before I loan Linda money thank

you you're welcome we're agreed i never

have to look at the blue folder again

yeah now we got to go get our money back

from jeff i don't think jess has any

money well maybe not but he's got a big

screen TV that's one-third ours and a

receipt let's go oh you are so smart why

did you marry me because booze goes

right to my head

evening I'm Bill Miller this is my wife

Judy I work with your son we just wanted

to come by and see how he's doing oh

that's so sweet of you we just love Jeff

are you too little loopy right now what

with all the medication so you'll have

to bear with him come on then we all

bought him some flowers Oh q.how thought

oh well it's the least we could do for

our dear dear friend Jeff how long have

you known my son is he sleeping think so

15 years so you knew him when he was

with Annie oh yeah any good thing he got

rid of her huh she d*ed well when

someone dies you you don't want to keep

him around maybe we should get you from

some water I'll go find a base ok I'll

go distract the old lady while you shake

down the sick guy like Joe there's my

guy hey Jeff oh hey well bill bill words

taste like peaches today yeah hey

where's the TV oh it's over at my place

I in a heck of a time getting it in

there I'm surprised I didn't hurt myself

it might not be the best time to ask but

our water heater busted and I need the

money I loaned you to pay the plumber

summer summer put now that one tastes

like kumquats yeah I'm sorry but I need

to return the TV for the money okay man

do whatever you gotta do whatever great

great I'm gonna need your house keys and

your receipt mm-hm check my pocket

you're not wearing pants are you no I'm

not

tesslar over there great right this way

having oh I'm just such a neat freak

come this way kick ass what Phil

apparently I'm the same size as Annie

and mrs. Hackman's going to give me a

couple bags of her old clothes I think

you better try them on first to receive

any wallet Jeff Jeff Jeff Bell buddy I

need to find the receipt ok man here

give me my wallet i'll look for wait

first take my mittens off oh thank you

don't lose those ok here you go that's

your driver's license I'm sorry officer

I'm a little drunk give me the wallet

maybe I can find it yeah come here where

do you hear what happened to Jeff hmm

your jab yeah that means I'm the guy who

broke asleep is down what are you doing

why do you have his wallet and keys uh

my husband was angry because I loaned my

sister some money so he gave some money

to Jeff to buy the TV and now our water

heater broke so we need that money back

could you please help us oh sure God

yeah let me get my checkbook really No

now get the hell out of my house right

Jeff Oh Jeff no you're Jeff I am have

you done the guy that broke up

all right we're leaving well the bright

side at least we didn't take advantage

of a drugged-out guy laid up in a

hospital bed oh we tried maybe God has

given us this opportunity to do the

right thing hey guys all what are you

doing here oh I just came by to give

Jeff the collection I took up for him Oh

looks like you got quite a bit of cash

there yeah I took off just named and

taped on a picture of a three-legged dog

I'm thinking yeah I better go in I'll

pay you you might want to wait a minute

they're changing Jeff's bedpan Oh gross

hey could you take it in for me show

thanks you're a friend no maybe God got

a whiff of us and decided to cut us a

break please try to give it to him okay

then villa Judy again God has spoken

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