01x13 - Still Good Cop

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Still Standing". Aired: September 30, 2002 - March 8, 2006.*
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Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.
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01x13 - Still Good Cop

Post by bunniefuu »

there's a great movie he's so cool we

had a mad scientist in our neighborhood

they could take us back in time well we

do have a neighborhood grossed up in his

basement that he says will take you back

in time by the way stay away from it

guys it's really late it's time for

everyone to be getting to bed vomits a

Friday night why can't we stay yeah

because you have dance class tomorrow

brian has karate and you both will be

exhausted what did that mean Oh sweetie

remember the last time you stayed up you

kept bumping into stuff the next day oh

yeah Judy the kids are really enjoying

the movie let us stay up a little later

all right fine make sure they brush

their teeth and put on their pajamas by

the next commercial no problem okay good

night guys no sleep on the couch you

hear me gotcha whatever warden hey how

are you kids better listen because if

the inmates get out of hand the warden

can get pretty ugly yeah she's right

behind me

oh that's three in the morning if you

been up this whole time yeah what are

you watching and I'm of how long does

that big animal been eating that small

animals I am time to turn it off honey

[Applause]

[Music]

bill wake up I can't be morning yet it

is morning three thirty in the morning

and I just put the kids to bed thanks to

you oh don't thank me Judy I do I'm not

going to sleep yet okay that's you're on

your own with this no I want to talk

okay not that kind of talk about the

kids I asked you to get them to bed and

you just let them do what they wanted

I'm sorry won't happen again yes it will

I know I just want you to know there's a

perfectly good reason for what happened

oh yeah what is it Phil who is sick of

always being the bad cop oh you get to

be the good cop you don't always have to

be the bad cop like tonight what's the

worst that could have happened the kids

wake up in the living room on Saturday

morning on the bright side Judy if they

start to like it we can run out the

rooms so I should be more fun like you

great why don't I wake them up and take

them to a rave honey of Raving here what

nothing

all right you know what we'll talk about

this in the morning oh goody what'd you

say nothing jackass what did you say I

called you jackass hey what are you kids

doing this is dangerous something's

gonna get broken your mother and I have

told you a thousand times not to play

hockey in the living room she's not here

dead in that case Tina and I of the

Blackhawks on the ice he has a vendetta

hi honey we were just playing a game of

beach ball hockey no I'm the dory yeah

sorry don't worry about it looks like

you're having fun I got pizza I thought

we were only allowed to have pizza once

a week I made a little change to that

rule from now on we can have pizza

whenever we want wherever we want let's

eat it in front of the TV then maybe

later we'll clear out the furniture and

have a touch football game phone what's

going on why your father and I had a

little discussion last night he's

convinced me to be more fun so that's

what I'm gonna do come on pizza's

getting cold okay kids get someplace we

don't get sauce all over the couch Oh

Phil what's your problem you got a tea

party plan she's like nah be

Wow sausage onion and bacon I thought we

weren't allowed to have this kind of

pizza since dad's 90,000 trombones Oh

what windows are for come on kids dig in

you know yeah what are you doing I'm

eating ice cream no I hasn't come on

yeah kami you can't have ice cream until

after dinner unless it's in a delicious

root beer float then it's just a

beverage Judy all that sugars gonna make

them crazy you're right i'm going to eat

my pizza in the bathtub leaving me alone

with them and taking a bath get out of

my way you'll get out of my way make me

Oh Brian I wouldn't take that from her

good luck first aid kits under the sink

morning honey what you doing I'm just

cleaning up the stains from last night's

dinner after un upstairs all hell broke

loose Tina ate too much ice cream and

started jumping up and down on the couch

which set off Ryan's motion sickness

Laura laughs so hard she sh*t root beer

float through or no oh I can't after all

that yeah well I see what you're doing

and I just want you to know I've learned

my lesson you're sick of always being

the bad cop and i already make your job

harder when i undermine your authority I

get it now everybody back to normal on

three one two hey Phil I have to ask you

something have the kids had breakfast

yeah and they're all right yeah and the

house is clean well it's not sticky

anymore what do you mean huh I gotta be

honest I did sink all hell would break

loose but I thought you wouldn't know

what to do and you panic and come

running to me but you didn't it was

pretty rough but I got through it

exactly you can do this

I'm saying that last night I read two

chapters of my book in the bathtub the

bathtub and then I got nine hours of

sleep feels like being on vacation no no

it was better it was like being alone on

vacation and three now everybody's back

to normal no I don't make good cop you

pick up the slack the kids are far so

beautiful no no they're not fine Brian

got practically d*ed good luck with that

stay in a little club soda ought to do

the trick Judy you can't change the

natural order of the universe they can't

forget a baseball no I get back you

didn't if you are turnest as a table no

it's not I am through the dishwasher I

am saved the dishwasher notes at the

table you can say enough this happens

every night you argue for 15 minutes

over something that takes 10 seconds to

do your mother sick of it is that right

to me huh yeah you're sick of this right

oh I wasn't really listening I was just

thinking how this bell pepper sort of

looks like Jay Leno I hope you two are

happy you've gotten your mother really

angry she doesn't seem angry that's when

she's at her scariest she's so angry

she's smiling hey know what if we put

all this food in tortillas we don't need

plates my god now she's fretting any

more fun what are we gonna do Brian are

still respect the table whatever you

don't have to yeah I'm not yelling I'm

emphasizing daddy now cereal for dinner

ask your mother fine with me if it's

fine with your father what can i daddy

no

honey cereal for breakfast you eat it

for dinner your body you'll think it's

morning you won't be able to get to

sleep and monsters will come here I want

cereal well you can't have it why

because I on the father in this house

and what I say go okay that's it could

you go upstairs and leave us alone well

I can't go upstairs count drunk and I

might be hiding under my bed it's over

Julie what's over here when I said to

Tina I sounded just like my father and I

refuse to sound just like my father like

you turn that crap down I just did it

again that's it that's it I'm done being

bad cop also i'm supposed to swoop back

in and start yelling no thanks I've had

a taste of being a good cop and I like

it I like a lot Wow laughs maybe but

your plan has one fatal flaw you can

only be good cop as long as I'm willing

to be bad cop the minute I quit I'm back

to square one so guess what I quit it's

so quick tips I can you know that means

Judy there are two good cops in town

good cops it should be fun uh yeah

sounds like fun now but by tomorrow

those kids will be running around like

monkeys and a donut or you want a donut

shop exactly when that happens which one

of us do you think is gonna blink for us

I guess we'll just have to wait and see

come on Judy you've been good cop for a

day and a half I've been on the force my

entire life oh yeah hey you can have

cereal for dinner hey Tina would you

rather have cake I'll see you in hell

[Music]

yeah my mom hey we do is make myself a

sandwich what one ice cream and

chocolate chip cookies aren't you gonna

ruin your dinner not if I don't need

dinner till midnight that's a good time

you know we don't really have that x

anymore around so are you aware that

your children are running a muck I have

no problem with that Highness me place

looks like a hit by a tornado Brett what

are you doing I'm a dead let me keep the

VCR apart I wanted to see if I can food

back together can you yes what's that

part well then note hey going on here

and do you have any laughs going on we

decided to let our children do whatever

they want dinner's ready someone has to

eat it if they don't want to okay I see

what's going on here and I think it's I

think it's really selfish of the both of

you know I told you I was bringing over

the pictures of my cat so I took for my

photography class and this is just your

way of getting rid of me if you don't

have to look at those got us guilty as

charged to the door opening the door I'm

closing

[Music]

hey you know hey was that ice cream

sandwich I let you have fine kind of

throwing though I think I gotta skip

dinner oh hey that's cool who says cool

anymore kid stuff I call oh cool right

on mom dad ha Bill and Judy still and

Judy but you know how I've been begging

you guys to let me get a belly button

ring yeah well since you guys have been

so cool lately I thought maybe I could

get one so can I bill can't I Judy you

guys are cool with this I get it oh no

no no it's it's cool with me all kinds

of cool you just got to ask your mother

no I knew it I mean no you don't have to

ask me if your father says yes and the

answer is yes oh you are the best thank

you so much don't mention it get me

tomorrow take you tomorrow yeah sometime

only 13 I have to have a parent

accompany me so can you dad I mean bill

oh yeah sure oh thank you so much you're

the best uh-huh it's like I'm taking my

little girl again her belly button

pierced sure does so you're getting

ready to blink not even close really me

neither see these eyes wide open baby oh

yeah

how was karate I broke a board with my

head really well actually I lost my

balance trying to kick and fell into a

wall but a board did break are you honey

so Lauren's getting their belly button

pierced huh we're cool is it ok cool

parents got it ok you know Harmon you

are cool can I Drive the car what just

for a little bit Randy Moss cops only 14

he gets to drive a car all the time

don't have a friend named Randy mascot

no but mom no snow on the ground and I

promise I'll be careful I said no just

around this parking lot over there it's

totally empty Brian I am sorry you can't

drive fine this dad would what you say

dad he let me drive then again he's the

phone one yes dizzy are you doing switch

places you mean it yes my god I can't

believe this is happening ok the

important thing is keep your hands on

the wheel at all times ten and two

really cuz dad's hands are usually at

noon and his nose well I'm going to

teach you the right way ok grab that

handle there and very slowly put it into

drive slowly yes man you want to be

honest like when you do that Brian which

one's the Prairie why don't you laugh

Wow I keep seeing that squirrel me too

and then those bushes me too and then

that dumpster mommy needs to see next a

beer when you get to the kitchen the

fridge is on your left Hey Judy bill sit

down what's going on well Brian asked me

if he could drive the car and let's just

say I'm not playing this good cop bad

cop game anymore because you wouldn't

let him huh you bleep no actually I

didn't I let him drive it when we hit

the dumpster we all blinked squirrely

ran over he'll never blink again let him

drive I know it was stupid but he asked

and I didn't want to be bad cop I know

he asked but you weren't supposed to let

him wait a minute what nothing oh what a

month to it oh I did Brian did your

father put you up to it yes wow I don't

believe you you were supposed to say no

you were supposed to blame I didn't say

nobody kept asking what you were

supposed to stop asking once she said no

I know I really wanted to drive the kid

my judgments not very good

okay honey no it's not this house is out

of control we need boundaries okay

there's sticky come on I'm gonna get you

a bath and a hot meal I can't believe

you made him ask me to drive I can't

believe you let him drive I guess we're

both idiots oh my god weren't belly

button me home worried she didn't go

through with it we went into the place

and this big Pierce guy came in with a

huge needle she got scared and asked

daddy to take her home you blinked

didn't you of course I did she was

checking out tattoo she was never gonna

blink glad one of us use good judgment

today so I guess this means that days of

two good cops are over oh yeah I sure

will miss reading in the tub I can be

bad cop every once in a while I'm not

gonna lie to you Judy it's nice pushing

small people around thanks Bill yeah

don't mention it the phone and start

your homework Oh Oh fine can be bad cop

till the kids go to bed and I'll be bad

cop for the rest of the night well we

won't need a bad cop once kids good

Oh officer I'm a bad bad girl driving

down a deserted country hey Brian you're

a quick thinker right yeah you know

ashes room I teachers we make it work

yeah very funny dad although I don't

think mom would find it very funny I

don't care what your mother thinks dad

she's right behind you oh isn't it funny

how your mother's always right back I'll

tell you one thing if she is she can

kiss my butt anyone on there Judy right

cheek or left nice try Lauren bill are

you gonna turn around at the ends don't

you want a little more of this

[Music]
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