05x36 - The Great Anderson Mystery

[bunniefuu]

(dramatic music)

- [Narrator] Robert Young

and Jane Wyatt,

with Elinor Donahue, Billy Gray, and Lauren Chapin

in Father Knows Best.

(mysterious music)

(rain and thunder)

- It is not raining rain to me.

It is raining daffodils.

Whoever made up a ridiculous idea like that?

- Robert Loveman is thefool that wrote that.

- It is not raining rain to me.

It's raining prison bars.

(audience laughing)

- [Inspector On TV] Now then, Mrs. Carter.

You say that, as far as you know, there was no one.

- Does anybody wanna pop some corn

or play a game of Monopoly?

(shushing)

- Yes, Inspector.

When I went upstairs, I left Mr. Shelton

alone in the room.

- Can't even talk around here anymore.

- Shh!

(audience laughing)

- Pipe down, will ya?

(audience laughing)

- [Inspector On TV] But yet,you say that you heard nothing.

Isn't that rather odd?

- As I told you, Inspector.

I was upstairs.

- But yet these walls are hardly soundproof

and your room is directly overhead.

How could you possibly not hear anything.

- Come now, Inspector.

Must you badger Mrs. Carter at a time like this?

- Well, that proveshe's guilty right there.

- No, I can see she's the one.

Look at that eye.

- Oh, be quiet.

Be quiet.

- [Inspector] I have ajob to do, Mr. Dawkins.

- Besides, what was there to hear?

There was no g*nsh*t and the chances are

there was no struggle either.

Obviously, whoever did it

must have used this implement here.

- Now, don't touch that, please!

Put it down.

(audience laughing)

I want nothing touched or disturbed

until we get fingerprints and photographs.

Oh, by the way, Mr. Dawkins.

How did you get here so quickly?

- Well, I just came across

- I called him immediately

after I discovered this horrible tragedy.

- Yes, I live in the house across the road.

Look, you could see it from here.

- Well, you'll see.

- It's the house with the beautiful roses.

- Yes, I see.

What about your maid, Mrs. Carter?

Where was she?

- Emma was in the laundry.

- I really don't know nothing about it, sir.

I'm just a plain, ignorant woman, I am.

- But you can answer a question or two, Emma?

Now, tell me, when you let Mr. Shelton in

before you went to the laundry,

did you see anyone in this house

besides him or Mrs. Carter?

- Hey! The television's out.

- Hurry up! Do something!

- Hey, dad! Hurry up.

Come on in here and fix this thing!

- [Betty] What a time for this to happen.

- Hurry up, father.

You're getting nowhere.

- That's just about where I'm going to get to.

(clap of thunder)

Oh, you better take this back, Bud.

I can't fix it.

- But dad, I thought you were a genius?

- I am. I just can't fix television sets.

(audience laughing)

- [Betty] Now I'll never know who k*lled Mr. Shelton.

- Hey, I got an idea!

Why don't we put on our rain clothes

and dash over to Kippy's

and watch the rest of the show on his set.

- [Betty] Okay.

- What? In this storm?

Have you lost your minds?

There's a foot of water running down the streets.

- Well, we've got rubber boots.

Come on, sis.

- Hey now, wait a minute.

You're not going out.

- Anybody for Monopoly?

- [Margaret] Yes, thiswould be a find evening

to get up some games with Kathy.

- Mom, I don't wanna sit around

and play some kid game with her.

- Oh!

- Well, you're not going out.

If you had some legitimatereason for battling this storm,

that would be different,

but just to catch theend of some silly show,

that's pretty ridiculous.

Especially when you can figure out

how it ends up anyway.

- Figure it out? How?

- Well, that's no trick.

I've watched that series you had on

and five minutes into the plot,

I could tell how it was gonna turn out.

- I bet you couldn't have told

how this one was gonna come out.

- [Jim] Sure I could!

- Okay, if you're so smart,

who k*lled Mr. Shelton?

- Well, I don't know.

I don't know any of the details.

- Well, even if you did know the details,

I bet you couldn't solve it.

- In fact, I'll go further than that.

I'll bet even I couldwrite a detective story

that you couldn't figure out.

(Jim laughing)

- Well, the kind of story you'd write,

nobody could figure out.

(audience laughing)

(clap of thunder)

- Hey, wait a minute.

Maybe I'll take that bet of yours, Bud.

- Huh?

- Well, you're interested in m*rder mysteries

and Kathy wants to play a game,

so maybe this is it.

- What do you mean?

- Well, here's what you do,

you people get together.

You too, Margaret

and figure out a m*rder mystery.

You can use the beginning of the one

you were watching on television.

Then, you call me in as the detective

and I'll solve it.

- [Betty] You mean, we act out the roles

we're Mrs. Carter and Mr. Dawkins and all that?

- That's right.

- [Kathy] Oh boy!

I'll be Mrs. Carter.

- Oh, no. Now wait.

You can't act well enough.

You'd give our whole plot away in two minutes.

- I would not.

- [Bud] Yes, you would.

Dad could trap you into telling

who k*lled Shelton in no time flat.

- No, he couldn't.

- [Bud] You'd get out with anybody.

- I know! Kathy can be the body.

(audience laughing)

(everyone arguing)

- Hold it! Hold it!

(audience laughing)

I was thinking ofhaving Kathy on my side.

Every detective has to have a good assistant.

So come on, Watson.

You're with me.

We'll outwit them.

- [Kathy] Boy, I hope so.

They think they're so smart.

- [Margaret] Well, now wait a minute, dear.

Shouldn't we put a time limit on this,

so we'll know who wins the game?

- Good idea.

Father said he could solve

those TV shows in five minutes.

- Oh. Well, I'll need more time than that.

- Five and a half minutes.

(audience laughing)

- No, make it minutes.

- Okay. We'll set the alarm clock.

- Oh, and another thing.

What are we betting?

I mean, what do we get if we win?

- [Bud] I know!

The winners get to nameany fancy dish they want

and the losers have to cook it for them.

- Okay.

Come on, Watson.

We'll go upstairs so we can't hear

the plot they make up.

(light, jaunty music)

(audience laughing)

- [Betty] There, Mr. Shelton's all set.

Do you have the m*rder w*apon, mother?

- The w*apon!

- I guess we're all ready.

Is the alarm set?

- This will ring in minutes

and I doubt if ol' brains

will have our mystery solved by then.

(audience laughing)

Okay, come on down, dad!

I mean, Inspector.

We're ready for you.

(clap of thunder)

- Okay, Watson.

Let's go in

and start outwitting them.

(clears throat)

(audience laughing)

- Stiff upper lip, you know.

Come this way, Inspector.

Lone Ranger Junior Deputy?

(laughing)

- I'm just trying to get in the spirit.

So stop making fun of me.

- Yes, let's have a little more respect for the law.

- Yeah!

(audience laughing)

(sniffing)

- So, this is the poor chap who was done in, hey?

Well, I can see that he

(laughing)

(audience laughing)

Well, I'll say he's taking this is good spirits.

(audience laughing)

That's the happiest corpse I've ever seen.

- He was always a man ofcheerful nature, he was.

- Oh, a friend of yours, huh?

Who are you?

- Well, I'm Emma.

Oh, I mean,

me name is Emma, sir.

I'm just a plain, ignorant maid.

(audience laughing)

I don't know nothing about nothing.

(audience laughing)

- What time do you get off work, Emma?

- [Betty] I think we have more pressing business.

- Quite.

First of all, no one leaves this house.

You are all under suspicion.

(all talking at once)

Quiet!

All right, let's have the facts.

Watson, start taking notes.

Mrs. Carter, who exactly is this

(Jim laughing)

Geeze, I can't look at it.

(audience laughing)

- That's poor, dear,unfortunate Mr. Shelton.

My brother in law.

(audience laughing)

- By marriage?

- Indubitably.

(audience laughing)

- Why did you hate him?

- Hate him?

I love the dear man.

(clap of thunder)

Inspector, I find your innuendoes quite offensive.

- Sorry.

Why did Mr. Shelton come here?

- [Betty] Well, he and my late husband

were partners in the Gibraltar Shipping Corporation.

- Did you inherit your husband's share of the firm?

- Yes.

Mr. Shelton came here today

to tell me that the corporation had--

oh dear, this has been such a shock to me,

had gone bankrupt.

We lost everything!

(audience laughing)

- [Jim] Well, I can see where such news would upset you,

but that's hardly any reason to do the old boy in.

- [Betty] Certainly not!

- Unless, you had somehow schemed

to make it look as though the company were bankrupt

in an attempt to force Shelton out of the business

and get it all for yourself.

- Oh, now really!

- Quite!

Shelton stumbledonto your scheme

and all you could do to save yourself

was to put him out of the way.

I beg your pardon.

(audience laughing)

- Why do you keep saying that I did it?

Can't you see how aggrieved and heartbroken I am?

Oh dear, I think I'm going to faint.

Emma?

Mother!

I think I'm going to faint.

(audience laughing)

- Oh!

I mean, oh!

(audience laughing)

Take it easy, mum.

(audience laughing)

(clap of thunder)

- [Betty] Get me some hot tea, Emma.

- Right away, mum!

- We may be ontosomething here, Watson.

- Sure looks that way chief.

- Mrs. Carter knowsmore than she's telling,

but in order to carry on with her scheme,

she'd have to have a confederate.

Now, who could that confederate be?

- Him.

(audience laughing)

- You!

(audience laughing)

What's your connection here?

- You startled me, sir.

- Yes, I can see you'recoming to pieces there.

(audience laughing)

All right, what's your story?

Who are you?

- My name is Dawkins, sir

and I'm a neighbor.

I live just across the road.

That's my house over there.

The one with the roses.

Red ones, yellowones, blue ones.

- What were you doing here?

- Green ones, puce ones, fuchsia.

- Answer my question!

- I called him over.

(audience laughing)

- She called me over.

- I was distraught.

- She was distraught.

Whatever that means.

(audience laughing)

- What do you do, Mr. Dawkins?

- I grow roses.

(audience laughing)

Red ones, yellowones, blue ones.

- I mean, what is your business?

- Well, I'm just a bumble hook keeper.

A cookle bumcupper.

- [Betty] Humble bookkeeper!

- Humble bookkeeper, sir.

- For whom?

- For?

(audience laughing)

- Gibraltor Shipping Corporation.

- Good show!

- No, this is too easy!

- Oh, so you think so?

- Sure.

You're the one who'sbeen juggling the books,

so that Shelton would think the company's on the rocks.

Now, what are you supposed to get out of this?

Half the business?

Are you planning to marry Mrs. Carter?

- I resent that, sir.

(audience laughing)

I'm just an honest bookkeeper

and I love only my roses.

- Mrs. Carter!

Inspector!

Come here!

Hurry!

- Come on, Watson.

- [Margaret] Look, mum!

I found this window wide open.

- Yes, and you're the one who opened it.

- Oh no, sir.

I was making her a cup of tea, I was

and when I come back,

there it was, open

and the wind a-blowin'

and the curtains a-wavin'.

- Let's not all stand here and catch pneumonia.

(audience laughing)

(Bud clears his throat)

- Obviously, someone went out through that window

and whoever it was,

that's who struck down Mr. Stockton.

- Shelton.

- Shelton.

- No way!

We agreed it would be one of you who committed the crime.

You can't bring in some outside character

to be the guilty one.

- We're sticking to the rules, father,

but that doesn't mean we can't

try to throw you off the track.

(clap of thunder)

Besides, this window might be

and important part of our story.

- Yeah.

- Well, okay.

I was just afraid you were pulling a fast one on me.

- We're trying to.

- Come on, Watson.

We've got some figuring to do.

This is more complicatedthan I thought.

Now, assuming some other character

did go in or out of that window,

who do you suppose it would be?

- A robber?

- [Jim] No, I would say it would

more likely be someone who--

- Hey, look.

He's gone!

The body is gone.

But the poker is still here.

- Wait a minute!

How did you do that?

- [Betty] Well, we didn't do it.

- Well, of course we didn't.

- How did you get him out of here?

All of you were in the dining room with me.

Kathy, did you see any of them sneak in here?

- No, I didn't see 'em.

Honest!

(clap of thunder)

- Either you people have pulleda mighty good trick on us

or there really is someone else in this house.

(clap of thunder)

(cheerful music)

(Kathy screams)

(audience laughing)

- Well, they didn't hideShelton in the closet.

Find any trace of himin the basement, Watson?

- I looked in, under, and behind everything down there.

(clap of thunder)

Daddy, I feel kinda scared.

- Aw, there's nothingto be afraid of, Kathy.

It's just part of the game.

(Jim laughing)

(clap of thunder)

- It's a real mystery dad.

Body's not in the den either.

- No?

Watson, I want you to search the den.

We're not taking Mr. Dawkins word for anything.

(clap of thunder)

- I'm not going in there alone.

- It's not in there dad.

Honest.

- Well, okay,

but from now on,

don't let any of them out of our sight

even for a half a minute.

- Check!

- No sign of Shelton anywhere upstairs.

- Nor in the kitchen.

I just don't see how he could have disappeared like that.

- [Jim] Oh, stop acting so innocent.

I've already admitted it's a good trick.

I still don't know how you did it.

Just tell me this,

do you have anyone else working with you,

like Ralph or Kippy?

- No, they wouldn't be running around

in a storm like this.

(clock chimes)

There's no one else here. Honest.

- You better get going, dad.

You only have about minutes to solve this.

- Well, okay.

Let's get back to the play.

Watson, you take Mrs. Carter

and her sneaky bookkeeper into the living room

and keep a close eye on them while I question Emma.

- Check!

Come on you two.

- Now.

- I don't know nothing about it, sir.

I'm just a plain--

- I know, ignorant woman.

- Hurry up!

Come on!

- Stop!

I've been dying to havea chance to ask you

how you got that body out of here.

- Me? No, I didn't do it.

I thought you did it.

- No, not me.

But who then? Mother?

- But how could she?

She was in the dining room with dad

and Kathy and both of us.

- All right, stop whispering you two

and sit down here.

- You suppose there could be somebody else in the house?

- Now, Emma.

I want you to tell me more about that open window.

Did you see or hear anyone go in or out of it?

- Oh no, sir.

I was in the kitchen,

minding me own business.

Fixing her a cup of tea, I was.

- [Bud] Dad!

Come in here!

- [Kathy] Hurry up, daddy!

- Now what?

- [Bud] There's something goofy going on.

- [Betty] We were just sitting here talking

when all of a sudden we realized the poker was gone.

The m*rder w*apon.

It's disappeared.

- Yeah and it was herejust a few minutes ago.

- Oh, stop pulling my leg.

You hid it.

- No.

- [Kathy] Honest, they didn't, daddy.

I was right here watching them all the time.

- Now, wait.

Are you serious or is this just part of the play?

- No, honest, dad.

We didn't have anythingto do with this.

(clap of thunder)

- Now I'm really getting scared.

- There's nothing to befrightened of, kitten.

(loud clap of thunder)

(Kathy screams)

- Wow!

That was a good one.

- Jim, is this game getting out of hand?

Betty,

now really,

didn't you hide that poker?

- [Betty] No, honest, we didn't.

- [Jim] No, mom

and we really don't know what happened

to Mr. Shelton, either.

Unless you did something with him?

- Me?

How could I?

- Now, wait.

If you're telling the truth--

- We are. Really.

- Then, something mighty strange is going on here.

(creepy string music)

(clap of thunder)

- Do you swear you have no one else

in the house working with you?

- Absolutely.

(chilling horn music)

- Let's see.

The poker was lying right there.

Where were you kids?

(clap of thunder)

(Kathy and Betty scream)

- Well, we were standing

about right here

and we were whispering about what had happened to the body

and Kathy was ordering us to sit down and be quiet.

(thunder and girls screaming)

(chilling horn music)

- [Bud] Hey, there go the lights!

- [Jim] Margaret, do we have any candles?

- [Margaret] Yes, in the dining room!

I'll get them.

(clap of thunder)

- Bud, where are you?

(Betty screams)

- [Kathy] Daddy, where are you?

Hold my hand!

- [Jim] I'm right here, kitten

There's nothing to be afraid of.

- Jim!

Come here, quick!

In the dining room!

- [Jim] What?

(clap of thunder)

(frantic orchestral music)

- [Margaret] Look. The window's open again

and this time, I didn't do it.

- Gosh, is somebody really--

Let me have this light.

(mysterious music)

There's no water on the sill.

Anyone climbing in fromoutside in this rain

would have dripped water on the sill.

(clap of thunder)

(mysterious music)

No wet footprints on the rug, either.

So, it must have been somebody inside climbing out.

(clap of thunder)

(mysterious trumpet music)

- But who would have been in here?

What would he have been doing in--

(ghostly howling)

- Hey!

Do you hear that?

(ghostly howling)

- What is it?

- Sounds like it's over there.

- Like in the basement.

(dramatic orchestral music)

(clap of thunder)

(ghostly howling)

(clap of thunder)

(ghostly howling)

(women screaming)

- Oh!

(Kathy laughing)

- Kathy!

You?

- Why would you do a thing like that?

- Sure I did it all.

The window, the corpse, the poker,

everything!

(howling)

(audience laughing)

- This isn't fair.

You didn't have any right to do this!

- You didn't work on any of our plot.

You didn't have any motives to do any of this.

- The heck I didn't!

You said I was so dumb,

I'd give the plot away and spoil everything.

So, I decided to show you I could outwit all of you.

(laughing)

- And brother, you sure did!

(clap of thunder)

(screaming)

- Father, you lose.

Time's up.

- [Jim] Yeah, I sure do!

But I think your side loses too.

This is the winner, here.

My dear, sneaky, Watson!

(audience laughing)

(all speaking at once)

- Hold it!

I'm not gonna tell you a thing until I get my prize.

Slaves, repair to the kitchen

and fix me the biggest

and fanciest bananasplit you've ever seen!

(audience laughing)

(everyone talking at once)

(regal music)

- Your banana split, you lucky dog.

- Thank you!

(cheerful orchestral music)

You may sit down no, slaves.

(audience laughing)

- [Bud] Okay, now break down and tell us

how you did everything.

- It was easy.

Nobody paid any attention to me, as usual.

So, I could do anything I wanted to.

- But how did you get Shelton out of here

when we were all together?

- I carried him into the hall

when you all went into the dining room

to look at the open window the first time

and I hid him in the basement.

- Well, we searched forhim in the basement!

- You didn't.

I was the one who searched there.

(audience laughing)

- By George, you're right.

- And I slid the pokerunderneath the davenport

when Betty and Bud wereso busy whispering.

- Look, you were facingin that direction.

- You always try and shift the blame, don't you?

- No!

- Oh, shh!

And the window?

- I did that when the lights went out

and when you went toget the candles, mommy.

You almost bumped into me in the dark.

(Kathy and audience laughing)

- Well, by George, you sure fooled us

I could have sworn you were never out of our sight.

- Maybe, from now on,

everybody won't ignore me so much.

- Yeah, I can see it's not safe

to ignore a fiend, like you.

(audience laughing)

- [Jim] Now, you can tell me something.

Was I on the right track

when I accused Mrs. Carter of knocking off old Shelton?

Hey!

- Oh, the lights are back on.

No, father.

You weren't even close.

That's what we wanted you to think.

In fact, we were trying to throw suspicion on everyone,

but actually--

(glass crashing and a woman screaming)

- [Bud] Hey, the television set's back on.

Now we can find out who actually did it.

- [Betty] Hey, come on.

Shh!

- [Mr. Dawkins] I say, what a shock!

I never dreamed it could have been--

Why, this is absolutelyinconceivable.

- Oh, no!

It's going again!

- Again? Oh, no!

(Kathy laughing)

- I saw that same show,

the first time they ran it.

Emma did it!

(audience laughing and applauding)

(cheerful orchestral music)

(bouncy digital music)