06x04 - The Impostor

[bunniefuu]

(theme music playing)

- [Announcer] Robert Young,

and Jane Wyatt,

with Elinor Donahue, Billy Gray and Lauren Chapin,

in Father Knows Best.

- Mighty good breakfast honey.

I may put you on steady.

- Father would youtake this no good radio

back to Ebert's Radio Shop?

- I can't now, I have to go to work.

- On Saturday?

- Even Saturday, I have to welcome my new neighbor.

Oh, honey do youremember Walter Cameron?

- Walter Cameron?

- Well anyway, I knew him in school,

he's a wonderful fellow.

His son Tom, a young lawyer,

is moving in the office next to me.

Walt wrote and asked me if I'd sort of help the boy,

without the boy knowing about it.

It seems he's pretty independent,

doesn't want any favorsfrom his dad's friends.

- Well that sounds commendable.

- He doesn't know that I was instrumental

in him getting his office.

- Oh it would just takeyou a second to take

this radio back. - Sorry I'm late now.

Goodbye.

(audience laughing)

- Okay what's wrong with the radio?

- It's disintegrating I think.

- Oh my goodness, it's brand new isn't it?

- I bought it less than a month ago.

Sure got gypped.

There's nothing I hate worse than being deceived.

- Yeah, this is just junk, better take it back.

- Will you do it for me?

- I can't, I gotta study all weekend for a physics exam.

You can do it.

- I can't argue with people.

They always out-talk me and I wind up

by getting gypped twice as bad.

- Don't let them out-talk you.

You have to learn to be firm.

- Tell 'em the condensers are bad.

The wiring's sh*t, the parts are cheap.

Just keep talking, don'tlet them say anything.

- When I ask them for my money.

- Don't ask them, just tell them you want your money back.

- Or you'll report 'em to the Better Business Bureau,

and then walk out.

- But if I do that, howwill I get my money?

- Don't worry, by nowyou'll have 'em scared,

and they'll get in touch with you,

and then you've got it made.

- Where'd you say you bought it?

- Ebert's, oh here's the sales slip.

They even got my name wrong, Peggy Anderson, that shop.

- If I were you Betty, I'd go down right now

while you're all steamed up.

- Yeah, hit 'em with the flat iron while it's hot.

(audience laughing)

- I bought this radio here and it's no good.

The condensers areshot, the wiring's bad,

and the parts are cheap,

and I don't intend to be taken advantage of

with junk like this.

I bought this on good faith,

and I want my moneyback or I'll report you

to the Better Business Bureau.

- The Better Business Bureau?

- Here's the sales slip,my address is on it,

so you can send me the money,

good day. - Look, Mister Ebert's right--

Now wait a minute.

Hold on, miss?

- Okay sir, I think she'll work all right now.

That'll be . .

Huh? Oh, oh, fine, . ?

- What's this, another set that needs fixing?

- No, that belongs to a young lady,

and I'd better warn you,she's pretty steamed up.

She said it's no good.

- Oh?

- She said she wants her money back,

or she'll report you to the Better Business Bureau.

- Well, she's got no claim.

Look here, it says righthere in black and white,

no parts or labor guaranteed.

- That's mighty small print.

- They can read.

Those are just inexpensive sets.

I couldn't afford to repair them.

I'd go broke.

- Well I can say is, you've lost a mighty pretty customer.

As a matter of fact, you've lost two.

- Well wait.

Here's what I'll do,

I'll sell her another one at cost.

- No, no.

- In fact, I'll make it $ even,

if you want to take one to her.

- No, I don't actually know this--

Take one to her?

Yeah, that's not a bad idea.

$ you say?

- Yeah, and I'm losing money.

I'll get you another oneout of the back room.

(romantic orchestral music)

- Peggy Anderson.

South Maple.

Oh, I brought you a new radio, to replace the other one.

- Well, I'm not sure I want it,

if it's as bad as that other one.

- Well, that's exactlywhy I suggest I come in,

so we can test it,

and make sure it's okay.

- It's a good idea, bring it in.

I certainly don't intendto get stuck again.

- No, no, of course you don't, I don't blame you.

- You can plug it in there.

- Fine.

Now, we'll test this one thoroughly,

even if it takes all day.

And sometimes it does.

- What was wrong with the other one?

- Well, I,

you know anything about radios, I mean technically?

- No, not technically.

- Well then, the condensers were over-rectifying the amps,

so that the kilocycles fulminated the AC onto the DC.

(audience laughing)

Now that's bad.

- I see.

- Say, who's that bird talking to Betty?

- Oh, that's Mister Ebert, from the radio shop.

- From the radio shop?

Well he doesn't know the first thing about a radio.

You should have heardthat line of double-talk

he's giving her.

That guy's a phony.

- Oh, he is not.

He looked to me like a very nice young man.

(radio noise)

- Tone quality's not so good.

I may have to come backlater and adjust that.

- [Voice On Radio] Are you having trouble

getting rid of pests in your home?

- How'd he know I was here?

(audience laughing)

- They have spies all over.

(soft music on radio)

- Oh, listen.

It's Brahms' Lullaby.

Isn't that a beautiful thing?

- I love it, it's one of my favorites.

- Really?

Mine too.

Of course, I'm a Brahms man.

He was a solid old boy.

Every time I hear thatFourth Symphony of his,

I hear new things in it.

I'll tell you the symphony that really knocks me out,

is Tchaikovsky's Sixth.

- Oh, the Pathétique.

- The Pathétique.

- That last movement.

- The Requiem.

- The fine soulful crescendos, or whatever they are.

- Oh, I tell you, that part holds me

like a big iron claw machine, in suspended uh,

what, uh suspended sublimity?

That's a fancy word.

- You know what it means?

- No.

But I do know we like the same music.

What else do you like?

What books do you read?

And what do you do for excitement?

You play football or throw the javelin?

- No, but I do play tennis.

- Tennis, no kidding?

I play tennis.

- Have you got the condensers rectifying the AC on the DC?

- Oh,

yes I think everything's fine.

I don't think this one

should give you any trouble Miss Anderson.

If you have any trouble why,

just call me.

- Well, you were saying?

- Oh, just call me at,

or no, I'll call you in a day or two,

just to check and see how it's working.

- Well, that's very kindof you, Mister Ebert.

- Who?

Oh, Ebert.

You know there's something I ought to tell you

about that name.

- Well, there's something I ought to tell you too.

I wasn't really gonna report you

to the Better Business Bureau.

I was just mad because Ithought you'd gypped me,

and I can't standanyone who deceives me.

- Oh?

- I can overlook many things but not that.

- Well,

I don't blame you.

- What were you gonnatell me about the name?

- Yes, well,

just that we try to keepa good name in business.

And that's why I'll check with you again,

on the radio.

- Thank you very much.

- Well, it's been wonderful,

delivering your radio.

(bright orchestral music)

- You'd better get these in the mail.

What about our new neighbor?

Did you Cameron every show up?

- Oh yes, he's in his office.

I told him that you wanted to meet him.

- Good.

Oh,

don't ever mention that his dad

wrote me about helping him.

He wants to makegood on his own,

not to trade on his dad's reputation.

I'm just a stranger to him.

Incidentally, would you mind taking phone calls for him

until he gets squared around.

- Oh, I'd love to.

He's my type.

(audience laughing)

Just too bad he's not my age.

(audience laughing)

- Mister Cameron may I come in?

- Oh, yes of course, come in.

- Well, I think you'll like Springfield, Mister Cameron.

How did you happen to pick this town?

- Well, to be real frank Mister Anderson,

I was just looking for a place where my dad

didn't have any influence.

Not that I haveanything against my dad,

he's a great guy.

But he's an important attorney in our town.

He's a big man.

But, if I stayed there,

I'd never be anything but his son,

just sort of working in his shadow.

- I can understand how you feel.

And I think you've picked a pretty good town.

- Well, I've met some pretty wonderful people already.

Hey, by the way Mister Anderson,

you're not by any chance related to a Peggy Anderson?

- Peggy? No, I have two daughters, but no Peggys.

Of course, there are a lot of Andersons in Springfield.

The phone book has four pages of them.

- Excuse me Mister Anderson,

but you have a telephone call.

- Oh all right.

By the way, Miss Thomas will be glad to take phone calls,

and type letters for you, till you get organized.

- Oh, that's very kind of you, but I don't want to impose.

- Oh, you wouldn't be.

In fact, I used to work for a lawyer so,

if you have any problems that I can help you with?

- Oh, thanks very much, but uh,

say wait a minute, I do have a problem.

You have a minute?

To listen?

- Well, I have all day.

Is this a case you're working on?

- Well,

yes, sort of.

Now let's say that you go into a store,

to return some defective merchandise,

like, well, like a radio, let's say.

You mistake a customer for the shopkeeper.

You demand your money back, and rush out,

before he has a chance to say anything.

Now,

this customer, he really goes for you.

- Oh he does?

- And in a mad impulsive moment,

he buys a new radio, toreplace the broken one,

so he can deliver it to you

and have a chance to see you again.

- Oh, what time will he be there?

- The trick works.

He finds you more wonderful than ever.

But when he starts to confess that he's not the shopkeeper,

you make such a point of hating anyone

who deceives you that,

he leaves without telling you.

- Me and my big mouth.

(audience laughing)

- He's an imposter.

Well, so, what does he do now?

- Of course, I never would have let him leave.

(audience laughing)

I'd say he should take a chance

and tell this girl, whoever she is, the truth.

- No, that's too risky.

A girl with so much character would never

have anything to do with a mutt

who'd pull a cheap trick like that.

- You know, young Cameron

appears to be a pretty bright young man.

Not bad looking either.

I thought maybe we should invitehim to dinner some evening.

(audience laughing)

As a favor to his father of course.

Don't you think so Betty?

- He's your friend, not mine.

(phone ringing)

- Oh, I'll get it.

Hello?

Yeah who?

Yeah, just a minute.

It's for Miss Anderson.

It's that guy, Ebert.

I tell you sis, he's a phony.

- Oh, stop saying that.

I'll take it in the other room.

- What's this about a phony?

Who's Ebert?

- Oh, he's the man thatowns the radio shop.

Betty took that radio back,

and he brought her a new one this morning.

Seems like a very nice fellow.

- Very nice crook you mean.

- Your radio?

Oh yes, it's still working fine.

- I just wanted to make sure.

Actually, there's something else I wanted to tell you.

- Yes? What is it Mister Ebert?

- Well,

I just wanted to tell you,

I'll stand behind that radio

even though it has no guarantee.

(audience laughing)

- Well, thank you.

Yes, goodbye.

- Why didn't I tell her?

What am I?

A man, or a Mister Ebert.

(audience laughing)

- Miss Anderson?

- Yes, the radio's working fine Mister Ebert.

Thank you.

- Miss Anderson?

- Yes, it's still working.

- Miss Anderson?

- No, this is not Miss Anderson,

and there's nothing wrong with the radio.

- Miss Thomas?

- Yes?

- You remember that case Itold you about a few weeks ago?

- The fellow who posed as a shopkeeper to see a girl?

- Yes, yes.

Well, he needs some more advice.

- Oh.

- You see, the only excuse he had to call her,

was that stupid radio.

So he kept phoning,

until finally he felt like such a fool,

that he had to stop.

That was a week ago, now.

- Excuse me, but isthis your autobiography?

(audience laughing)

- Okay, you're so smart, now tell me,

would I be making a mistake if I asked her for a date?

Even though we've neverreally been introduced,

and if she accepts,

tell her during thedate what a phony I am.

- Look, don't worry so much about it.

Just do it, right tonight.

- Good morning Miss Thomas.

Good morning Mister Cameron.

- [Mister Cameron] Oh, good morning.

- I was just talking about you at home.

We've decided you've eaten enough restaurant food now,

so you might appreciatesome home cooking.

How about coming to dinner this evening?

- Well, I'd love to verymuch Mister Anderson.

- But he has a date tonight.

(audience laughing)

- Oh?

- Well, as a matter of fact, I am sort of planning on it,

but I certainly hope you'll ask me again.

- Oh sure, we can make some other time.

Perhaps tomorrow night?

- Wonderful.

(mischievous orchestral music)

- Anyone call me today?

- No, Mister Ebert didn't call.

And you notice now thathe's smooth-talked you

into not reporting him to the Better Business Bureau,

he doesn't ever call anymore.

- Oh, what do you know about it?

- I warned you about him.

- What are you doing here?

- I didn't mean to break it, honest.

- Break what?

- This.

I was just playing it,

and suddenly it made afunny noise and stopped.

I thought maybe Bud could fix it.

- Oh, this is wonderful.

- Huh?

- I mean, don't worry about it Kathy,

accidents will happen.

- Hello, I'd like to speak to Mister Ebert.

- You're speaking to him.

(audience laughing)

- Oh, you don't sound the same.

Do you have a cold?

- No, I don't.

What do you want?

- This is MissAnderson, and the radio.

Miss Anderson, you know, theone you delivered the radio to?

- Lady, I don't know what you're talking about.

(audience laughing)

The radio needs fixing, bring it in.

What kind is it?

Oh, well there's no guarantee with those.

All I can do is sell you a new one at cost.

(sad orchestral music)

- Why Betty?

- Mother, Bud's right.

Mister Ebert is a crook.

- Oh, now.

- It's true.

This radio went bad like the other one,

so I called him.

And he pretended he didn't even know me.

He even disguised his voice.

Oh, I thought he was so nice.

But I see now, all he was doing

was smoothing my ruffled feathers so I wouldn't report him.

Oh, if I ever see that phony again.

- [Mother] Now I just--

- It's him.

Yes?

- The time has come to boldly lay aside all pretense,

and declare my sinister intentions.

Would you consider a date with me this evening?

- A date?

After the way you just treated me?

What kind of a fool do you think I am?

Goodbye. (audience laughing)

So brazen, so two-faced.

Oh I wish I could get even with him.

- Why don't you sue him?

- I might just do that.

- Now don't do anything like that.

Wait till your father gets home,

and we'll talk it over with him.

- Besides, I told his father I'd look after him.

- False representation,

that's what I'll sue Mister Ebert for.

Hello Father.

And fraudulent deception, that's what I'll--

- Oh Betty, you don't have any basis for a lawsuit.

- He told me over the phone,

that he would stand behind that radio, guarantee or no.

Well I'd sure like to talk this over with a lawyer.

- That'd just bea waste of time.

Wait a minute.

That's not a bad idea.

Why don't you come down to the office

and talk it over with Mister Cameron?

(audience laughing)

- Well that's a good idea, I'll do that tomorrow.

- Well he needs the business.

(audience laughing)

(orchestral music)

- Dear Miss Peggy Anderson,

I am an imposter.

(knocking on door)

My client.

Come in.

- What are you doing here?

Are you posing as a lawyer now?

- No, this is what I am.

Look, I'm not Mister Ebert.

Look, I can explain how the whole thing happened.

- I've heard all the talk I want from you.

I'm gonna get a real lawyer

and sue you under both your names.

- Miss Anderson.

- [Father] I'll get the other copy

from the file Miss Thomas, whoa.

- Throw that imposter out of here, that's Mister Ebert.

- Ebert?

What are you talking about?

- [Mister Cameron] Peggy.

(audience laughing)

- What's going on here?

- I don't know.

- Why did you tell me Peggy wasn't your daughter?

That's the girl.

- Oh no.

Oh (laughing).

(audience laughing)

This is funny.

- I walk into the office,

and there was this man who says he's Mister Cameron,

but really is Mister Ebert.

- Oh, now Betty I don't understand,

how could MisterCameron be Mister Ebert?

- Well he is.

Evidently he runs all kinds of rackets.

Now he's passinghimself off as a lawyer.

- Come in.

- You again.

- After you left this--

Betty, come back, Betty.

Will you come back here?

- Look, I'd better not stay.

- Nonsense, you're staying for dinner.

- Margaret, may I present Mister Tom Cameron,

formerly Mister Ebert.

And this is our son, Bud,

who thinks you're a crook.

Honey, I just heard themost incredible story.

(knocking on door)

Betty please come out.

- [Betty] No, go away.

- I'd better leave.

- No, no, this'll work out fine.

We have her trapped, where she'll have to listen.

(audience laughing)

You come over here and sit on these stairs.

- The stairs?

- Yes, come on.

In case you don't know what's going on,

this young lawyer's gotten himself into such a mess,

that he needs a goodattorney to defend him.

(audience laughing)

And that's me.

You and Bud and Betty are the jury.

You are going to judge this man.

You'd better pull up a bench Bud,

so you'll have a place to sit.

- Really, Mister Anderson.

- Now all we want you todo, is tell the truth,

the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

State your name, sir.

- Uh, Tom Cameron.

- Business?

- Attorney.

- Have you ever used any aliases?

- Unfortunately, yes.

Once.

- What alias?

- I can hardly stand to say it.

Ebert.

- Well why did--

- Why did you use that alias?

- Well,

well it sounds silly, I suppose.

But I was in Ebert's shop, getting my radio fixed,

when a girl came in and mistook me for the shopkeeper.

- [Father] Could you describe that girl?

- [Tom] The prettiest girl I've ever seen.

The moment I saw her something happened to me.

Something exciting and wonderful.

- Why didn't you tell her you were not the shopkeeper?

- She wouldn't give me a chance to talk.

And after she rushed out,

I tried to get Ebert to do something about her radio but,

all he'd do was sellher another one at cost.

So I,

I bought one.

It was the only excuse I could think of to see her again.

- So, you delivered it as Mister Ebert.

- I'm afraid so.

But I did get to see her.

And it was wonderful.

We like the same music,

the same everything.

- Why didn't you tellher who you really were?

- I started to,

but then she told me how much she hated

anyone who deceived her.

So, I didn't dare.

I didn't want torisk losing her.

- Go on.

- So then I made all those

ridiculous callsabout the radio.

And then yesterday,

I made the fatalmistake of calling her,

and asking her for a,

you know the rest, and I'd better leave.

- Now, sit down or I'll have to cite you for contempt.

The jury has to vote now.

Here are your ballots.

How do you judge this criminal?

(audience laughing)

Mark your ballots.

- Here's my vote, Mister Eb--

Mister Cameron.

- Thank you Missus Anderson.

(audience laughing)

Well I don't think you're a crook either, Bud.

(audience laughing)

- Well two down, and one to go.

While the other juryman deliberates,

we'd better step back into the judge's chambers,

and see how dinner's coming.

(gentle orchestral music)

- How do you spell, not guilty?

(audience laughing)

(audience applauding)

(theme music playing)