06x09 - Kathy Becomes a Girl

[bunniefuu]

(upbeat theme music)

- [Announcer] Robert Young.

And Jane Wyatt.

With Elinor Donahue, Billy Gray and Lauren Chapin

in Father Knows Best.

(upbeat music)

- Shall we wrestle the best two

out of three falls, Errol?

- Gimme a chance.

You've already thrown me once.

Let's make it three out of five.

- Okay, three out of five.

Watch out for my half nelson.

- I'm watching.

(growling)

(laughter)

- Give up?

- No, you gotta pin both shoulders.

- Now say uncle.

- Uncle, uncle.

- Well, Kathy.

Let Errol up, and tell him goodbye.

You have to get ready for dinner.

- Oh, all right.

Will you come back tomorrow after school, Errol?

- I guess so, but not for wrestling.

- Well, how about football?

- Sure, I'll see you tomorrow.

(laughter)

- Mother, if you're not careful,

we're gonna have a ladywrestler in the family.

- We've gotta de-emphasize sports around here.

- What's the idea of making me come in?

Dinner won't be ready for hours.

- Well, it'll take you that long to get

scrubbed and presentable.

- Kathy, don't you think you're getting a little old

to be wrestling boys and playing football?

- What else is there to do?

- Well, you could invite a few girls over once in a while.

- Haven't you made friends with any new girls

since you started junior high?

- Well, I've tried real hard,

but they don't seem to want me around.

Even Patty doesn't notice me anymore.

She never comes over.

- Last year, you and Patty were the best of friends.

- That sure cracked up.

She's having a bunch ofgirls over Friday night.

Do you think she asked me?

Well, what am I, an Oppo or something?

(laughter)

- Well there comes a time when girls like girls

who act more,

well, more like girls.

- You mean, I should act the way they do,

and be a stuffed shirt?

- No.

Just be a normal average girl.

- I don't think I'm the type.

(laughter)

(door knocking)

- May I come in?

- Why, Patty, please do.

- Patty, gee am I glad to see you.

(laughter)

Here, I'm sorry.

- You know, you werealways Kathy's favorite.

- That's all right.

I just didn't wanna get my dress dirty.

- Can you come upstairsand talk to be me

while I get washed?

- I have to go back.

Mrs. Anderson, Mother sent me over to return

this book she borrowed.

She says thank you very much.

- Well I hope she enjoyed it.

- Patty, have you made all the plans for your party?

- Well, it's not really a party, Kathy.

I've just asked

a few new girls I've met.

Well, goodbye.

- Goodbye.

- [Kathy] Patty, wait a minute.

- I really have to go, Kathy.

See you in school tomorrow.

(soft music)

- You see.

I tried to be friendly.

- Looks like you're operating a library, honey.

My this is a studious group.

- Well, college isn't the snap it was in your day.

I have to get in and dig.

- Well, when I was a student, we weren't trying

to set up housekeeping in outer space.

(laughter)

Where's Kathy?

- She's upstairs.

- [Kathy] Will somebodybring me something

to put on my skinned elbow?

- Will you go help her, Betty?

- Freshman, you go.

- Aw, don't pullyour rank on me.

We're off campus.

I'm right at the most interesting part of this trigonometry.

(laughter)

- [Kathy] Never mind, I think I know

where to find the iodine.

- She should know where to find it.

She uses it by the quart.

- [Kathy] Ow!

- She found the iodine all right.

(laughter)

- Jim, I don't think Kathy's adjusting

very well to junior high.

- When she comes up with a mass of bruises and abrasions?

I'd say she's right in the spirit of things.

- She shouldn't go in for such rough play.

But she feels the girlshaven't accepted her,

so she plays with the boys.

- What do you mean the girls haven't accepted her.

- I think they're afraid of her.

You saw what she did to Patty this afternoon, Mother,

practically crushed her ribs with that playful bear hug.

- Hey, why don't we hireKathy out to the circus?

The bear that walks like a girl (growls).

- Now wait a minute, this is no joking matter.

If she feels rejected at school,

this can become a big problem to her.

We've got to find a solution.

- I've got the solution.

She should have been a boy.

- I wish I were a boy.

I'm just a nothing, andeverybody sits around

criticizing and feeling sorry for me.

- Oh, Kathy.

- I'm a misfit, and everybody hates me.

- Oh we love you.

We just want you to be happy.

- Of course we do, honey.

You're the most important thing in the world to us.

- How can I be happy if I'm rejected.

I'm a freak.

(crying)

- I was just kiddingabout that circus thing.

- I didn't mean what I said either, Kathy.

You're much too pretty to be a boy.

- You know I'm not pretty.

I don't even wanna be.

- You don't really mean that, Kitten.

Maybe you aren't getting along with the other girls

because you resent them, for the moment.

And you're fighting back by

trying to be different from the rest.

- [Kathy] Who wants to be like silly girls

you can't get along with?

- I'll tell you how to get along with the girls.

You gotta act silly too.

You gotta squeal andgiggle a lot (giggles).

(laughter)

And then if you wanna play games,

you play volleyball with the girls.

Yeah, only do it elegantly.

(laughter)

Tap the ball over the net.

(laughter)

Oh, there goes another nail.

(laughter)

Just did it again.

- Oh if Bud were a girl I'd resign from the species.

(laughter)

- Pay no attention to Bud, Angel.

Just be nice to the girls

and show an interest in their activities,

and I promise you thatthey'll be nice to you.

- Kitten, I don't think your mother

would give you any poor advice.

- Oh, all right.

I'll give them one more chance.

(soft music)

(laughing)

- Isn't that the mosthysterical thing anybody

ever did in their entire life?

(laughing)

- What's so hysterical, Patty?

- Nothing that would interest you, Kathy.

Now I've gotta go and phone my mother.

- What happened?

- It's a panic.

When I left home, I forgot to bring my lunch.

- I'll share mine with you.

I've got plenty for two.

- No thanks, I'll phone Mother.

- But she may not be home.

Patty, wait.

- [Patty] Kathy Anderson.

- I'm sorry.

- I can't understand why you're so rough and stupid.

This is my brand-new dress.

- It was an accident,Patty, I didn't mean to.

Patty.

(soft music)

- Oh Mother, what have you been up to?

- Oh, I dropped by your father's office,

picked his pockets and then went shopping.

- Let's see the loot.

- I thought if I got Kathy something

feminine and frilly to wear, instead of those plain

dresses and blue jeans she insists on,

that it might encourage her to be more careful and ladylike.

Do you approve?

- [Betty] It doesn't look much like our Kathy,

but I think it's gorgeous.

- [Margaret] Is she home yet?

- She's up in her room.

I don't think she had avery good day at school.

- Oh.

- Where'd you get that thing?

- What's the matter with this thing?

I hoped you'd like it.

- Take it back.

I won't wear it.

- But Kathy, it's a beautiful dress.

- It's the kinda junk that Patty wears.

Today, I did exactly what you told me to, Mommy,

and it turned out just awful.

From now on, I'm friendly only with the boys.

They like me.

- Well, I notice the boys like Patty

and the other girls too.

- Yes, they even take them to the movies

on Saturday afternoon, but do they ever ask you?

- Well Errol wouldtake me if I asked him.

(laughter)

- Angel, the trick is ingetting him to ask you.

(laughter)

- All right, just wait until he comes over this afternoon

to play football with me.

I'll show you.

I don't have to be likePatty to get taken out.

- Well at least Patty can get dates

without acting like a fullback.

(laughter)

- Do you wanna throw some passes?

- Errol, why don't wejust sit down and talk?

- What's the matter, you sick?

- No, but.

Football's kind of rough and un-ladylike for a girl.

- Gosh, Kathy, you don't have to worry.

I never think of you as a girl.

(laughter)

- Anyway, we are best friends.

- Sure.

- And we could do other things together.

- Yeah, sure.

- Errol, have you see the new movie at the Tivley?

- Not yet, I may go seeit Saturday afternoon.

- Have you thought abouttaking anybody with you?

- What for?

(laughter)

- Well, for the same reason you come over here

to play football.

- You don't need anybody to help you watch a movie.

Look, do you wanna throw some passes or don't you?

- May as well.

I'll never get anywhere this way.

(laughter)

- [Patty] Kathy.

- Oh, hi, Patty.

- Can I speak to you alone for a minute?

- We can talk.

I have no secrets from Errol.

Errol, this is Patty.

Patty, this is Errol.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Kathy, I'm sorry I wasso rude to you today.

- That's all right.

I'm sorry I tore your dress.

- Kathy, did you tear her dress?

- I didn't mean to, Errol.

- It was nice of you offering to share

your lunch with me.

Mother wasn't home when I called, so I didn't get any.

- You went without lunch?

- Yes.

- Gee, I'll take you tothe corner for a malt

if you want one.

- You don't have to spend your money on her, Errol.

We can go raid our refrigerator.

- Thanks just the same.

Wouldn't you rather go to the Sugar Shack

for a double monster malt?

They're real neat.

- Well, I --

- Sure you would, come on.

Here, Kathy, you can keep the ball.

- I'm sorry, Kathy,but Errol just insists.

Bye.

- [Errol] Oh, they're real big,

oh, with whipped cream.

- Bye, Errol.

- Hey, Squeegee, you wanna catch a few?

- You catch them.

(laughter)

- Hey, where you going?

- I'm gonna start being a boy hater.

(laughter)

- What?

- Your boyfriend get away?

- That's what I get fortrying to be a girl.

(upbeat music)

- Boy that girl's as mixed up as a crumpled cookie.

- I wish I could help Kathy.

It seems everything shedoes or I do is wrong.

- Well you certainly try.

You should've seen the beautiful dress

Mother bought for her, and she refuses to wear it.

- Well, give her a leopard skin and a club (growls).

- Bud, stop it.

Here, peel and slice those apples.

I want them for pie.

- Hey maybe Kathy's a throwback.

You know, a reversion to an ancestral type.

(laughter)

She just digs cavewoman stuff.

- Let's face it.

She's just a confirmed,dyed in the wool tomboy.

- Well I guess that's my fault.

She could have gotten it from me.

- Mother, you couldn't have been a tomboy.

- I was.

I hit . in the sandlot league,

but I knew when to put down my baseball bat

and pick up my lipstick.

(laughter)

- Well why don't youlay down the law to her?

Like Dad does with me when I get stubborn.

Just tell her toget with it, or.

- Well, that's not the answer.

You can't force these things.

I said peel them, not eat them.

- Maybe Bud's right.

It's time we stopped handling her with kid gloves.

I'm going up to her room and get tough.

- Now, Betty, she's still a little girl.

- Little?

- Mother, you've spent days now telling her

she isn't so little anymore.

- Well,

go ahead, but betactful and diplomatic.

- I'll try diplomacy.

But I'll turn her into a girl

if I have to black her eye doing it.

(upbeat music)

- [Betty] Kathy?

- Yeah, come in.

- Why don't you comedown and join the family

instead of pining away in your room?

- Who's pining?

Do you think I care because that fickle Errol

took silly Patty for a malt?

- If I were jealous of somebody,I'd do something about it.

- I'm not jealous.

Now please leave me alone.

- Look, do you wanna getErrol back or don't you?

- Well, I don't want Patty to have him.

- All right, give her some competition.

Force yourself into that new dress.

Try a new hairdo, use a tiny bit of makeup.

- Makeup?

Ugh.

(laughter)

- I'll speak to Mother about it.

Nothing'll make a boy sit up and take notice

like a little glamor.

Let him get a whiff of tantalizing perfume.

Let him hear the rustle of silk.

- I couldn't stand myself.

- Don't knock itbefore you've tried it.

Right now is the time to start.

I'm gonna show you what can be done with a little help.

Come on, let's get you into a bubble bath.

- Now don't rush me.

- Oh, come on now.

Do it this way for me.

(laughter)

- Hi, honey.

- Hello, dear.

- How did Kathy like the finery you

charmed me out of this afternoon?

- She wants no part of it.

I'm afraid she's had a bad day.

And to top it off, she's lost Errol.

- What?

- Hi, Dad.

- Hello, Bud.

(laughter)

- Hey.

Hey, what's the idea ofbombing me with the blue jeans?

- Don't ask questions, just get rid of them.

- What's going on upstairs?

- Kathy's decided to try being a girl,

and as long as she's in the mood,

I'm gonna get her all gussied up.

- Why get her all dolled up just to sit around the house?

- At least it'll show her how different she can look.

- You know, Bud's got something there.

There's nothing moredisappointing for a girl

than to get all dressedup with no place to go.

- I wish Patty had asked her to her hen party tonight.

- Wait a minute.

She doesn't have to be disappointed.

Why don't we cook up a little surprise party for Kathy?

- But who could we ask?

All the girls she knowsare going to Patty's.

- Well can't we invite some boys over.

Nothing like a flock of men around

to bolster a gal's morale.

- That's a wonderful idea, Father.

- Natch, that's the only kind I ever have.

- Well, she needs some high heels to go with that dress,

and there's just time to run down to the teen shop.

Bye now.

- Now don't crush this.

- I'll get on the phoneand call some boys.

Shh, shh, shh.

- Sure, let's fire up the chariot.

Take care of these, will you, Dad?

- Things may change completely through the years,

but ice cream and cake are pretty reliable decoys.

(phone ringing)

- Hello.

Oh, hi, Mr. Anderson.

Come to a party for Kathy?

Gee, I don't know if I can make it.

- I think you'llenjoy it, Errol.

Sodas, sandwiches, ice cream, cake,

and a few special surprises.

You can?

Oh, say about quarter of eight.

Fine, I'll see you then.

(phone ringing)

- Hello, this is RichardNorton Thackerberry.

(laughter)

Hi, Mr. Anderson.

- Richard, Kathy's having a few guys over tonight

for ice cream and cake and stuff.

Can you come over?

Fine, we'll be expecting you.

Goodbye, sir.

(laughter)

- Hi, Daddy, who were you talking to?

- Oh just a prospective client.

(laughter)

- Betty started making me over, then left.

Did you she give up?

- Oh, no, no.

Betty, Bud and your mother

all had shopping to do.

She'll get back to you.

- Daddy?

Can we talk man to man?

- Sure.

But why can't we talk girl to man?

- Why does everybody keep hammering at me

about being a girl?

I'm taking a runat it, aren't I?

Look at my hair, and look at my nails.

I even took a bubble bath.

Boy, what I'm going through to be a woman.

(laughter)

- Isn't that littleenough trouble to go to

if you can be a, queen?

- Me, a queen?

- That's what every girlcan become sometime,

to some man.

Lovely, gracious.

The most,

that's what yourmother is to me.

- Well, gee, if I could be like Mommy.

- You can.

I'll let you in on her tricks,

although she doesn't think I know them.

- You really mean Mommy plays tricks?

- Oh, I mean, cute things.

Like, uh,

being dependent, a little helpless now and then.

(laughter)

Expecting me to take over.

You see, men like to be gallant.

All you have to do is give them the opportunity.

- Well, isn't that kinda taking advantage of you guys?

- No.

We men are happiest when wecan be the big male protectors.

Now you let a man know you recognize this

as his obligation, and he'll go all out

to prove you're right.

- Say, we girls have got it made.

All we have to do is sitback and be waited on.

(laughter)

- Now you, uh,

mustn't overdo it.

(laughter)

It's very important fora girl to be capable

and self-sufficient.

- I am.

I can b*at Errol wrestling any day.

(laughter)

- Worst thing you can do.

Never try to b*at a man at his own game.

You just b*at the women at theirs.

- I'll remember, Daddy.

But are you sure it'll work?

- Well, your mother's worked it on me for over years.

(laughter)

- Thanks for telling me.

(upbeat music)

(laughter)

- Isn't she darling?

- [Jim] Now that's really something.

- Yeah, she looks okay?

- [Jim] You bet ya.

- Do I have to walk on these stilts?

(laughter)

- That's one of the tortures you have to get used to

if you're going to be a lady.

(doorbell ringing)

- Bud, will you see who's at the door?

- If it's for me, I'mnot home in this outfit.

(laughing)

Why does everybody havesuch a peculiar look?

- I think it's the signal to announce our big surprise.

- What's the surprise?

- You're having a party tonight,

and that's probably your guests arriving.

- A party, wow.

Who's coming?

- You wait and see, come on.

(laughter)

- Hi, Errol, fellas, come on in.

Kathy'll be down in just a minute.

There we go, now, right over here.

You there.

There, and you over here.

That's just about right.

No no no, up, up there.

There.

- Oh, Kathy, remember, nosliding down the banister rail.

- Stand up straight andgo down slowly, dear.

- Head high, shoulders back.

(laughter)

- Okay.

- That's it.

Watch it now.

- Hold your head up, honey.

(upbeat music)

- Gee, Kathy, you've turned into a girl.

- Errol!

(screams)

(laughter)

- Did you hurt yourself,did you turn your ankle?

- I think maybe I did sprain my ankle.

It's these high heels.

- Well here, honey, I'll help you into the living room.

Come on, you stand up now?

- We'll do it, Mr. Anderson.

- Oh, thank you, Errol.

- Just get on the other side, and we'll help her up.

- Be careful now.

- Take it easy, Kathy, put your arm around my shoulder.

- Yeah, mine too.

- I think maybe that's a good idea.

(upbeat music)

- Ready for another bite, Kathy?

- Mmm-Hmm.

- Here, have some cake, Kathy.

(doorbell ringing)

- I'll get it.

Hello, Patty, Barbara.

- Hello, Mr. Anderson.

- Mr. Anderson, we'rehaving a scavenger hunt,

and we're looking for a golf ball

with three cuts in the cover.

- Well I'm not sure I have one that good,

but I'll take a look.

- Are you okay, Kathy?

Lean back here on the sofa.

- Why don't you,

go in the living and see Kathy?

She sprained her ankle.

- She did?

- Bad?

- No, nothing serious.

The doctor'll be over later on, take a look at it.

Go on in while I look for that golf ball.

There's cake and ice cream coming up.

(upbeat music)

We've got a couple of scavenger hunters out there.

Will you feed them while Ipretend to look for a golf ball?

- Oh, I'll bring it right in.

- [Betty] Looks like Patty's party's moving over here.

- Gee, I'm glad you girls stopped by.

- So are we.

What a dreamy dress.

- You look just wonderful, Kathy.

- Oh, thanks.

- Oh, oh, gotta keep it propped up, Kathy.

- Oh, I think it's just terrible about your ankle.

- [Margaret] Hello, girls.

- Hello, Mrs. Anderson.- Hello, Mrs. Anderson.

- Thank you.

This is the greatest.

And my party is so dull.

- Patty, why don't you phone home

and ask the other girls to come over?

- I think that'sa splendid idea.

- May I?

- Oh, do.

(laughing)

- The girls would be simply hysterical

if they couldn't come over.

And sit with Kathy and her sprained ankle.

- You shouldn't worry about me.

This isn't so bad.

(laughter)

(upbeat music)

- Bye.

- I'll be back to see you tomorrow, Kathy, okay?

- Not without me, you don't.

(laughter)

- That'll be justgreat if you both come.

(laughter)

Bye.

- [Jim] Thank you, thankyou for coming over.

Goodbye.

- Well, it's all over.

Except for doing the dishes.

- [Kathy] Thank you, Mommy, thank you.

- Hey, hey, I thought you were supposed

to have a sprained ankle.

- Huh?

Well, all of a sudden, it feels better.

- Why you little faker.

- Well, you said, be a little helpless and feminine,

and it sure got me all the attention.

Gee, it's wonderful to be a girl.

- What sort of conspiracy is this?

- Well Daddy told me thesecret of how you get

everything you want out of him.

- Why, Jim Anderson, I never use

my wiles on you, very often.

- Who's complaining?

- Uncle, uncle.

(laughter)

(applause)

(upbeat theme music)