03x09 - Still Shallow

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

hey thought you're only staying a couple

of days not moving in sorry I just have

a heavy sh*t bill I just don't see why

you have to stay here you know there are

plenty of cheap motels by the airport

look who I'm telling what your Aunt

Linda needs a place to stay for a few

days while they redo the floors in her

apartment so she's bunking with you and

Tina gonna be so much fun summer parties

it's not fair I mean I already have to

share a room with Tina now Aunt Linda

am I ever gonna get any privacy honey

someday you're gonna look back on this

and realize how little we care

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[Applause]

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so broomies kind of fun are us girls

gonna have tonight oh well I was

thinking that you could go hide

somewhere and Tina and I could go to

sleep no no I thought we'd get out the

Ouija board and have to stay on oh I'm

about to contact the spirit world right

now will I be happy all signs point to

yes never know what will happen when you

call me why'd you scare me oh okay I

wouldn't have done that if I were you

she tends to hold on to things

come on the harmless joke she'll get

over it don't be such a worrywart you're

really scaring me well my heart's really

b*ating oh I guess we're even now

I'll say when we're even what's all that

noise just playing the game with Aunt

Linda oh that's sweet honey hello yeah

hold on a minute Brian sounds like a

girl probably one of the guys from his

Chess Club is calling Oh hold on it's

blend gosh do you think Brian has a new

girlfriend

as I said anything to me they're in an

age where they don't want to talk to you

about their relationships

except for my gay son he wants to share

every detail did you know that their

third-base is different than ours

I'll go talk to the boy I'm a toilet

salesman I know how to get stuff out of

people you see what I did there yeah

it's like living with the poet all right

so son Brenda Brenda Brenda I really

don't want to talk about oh come on son

it's me your old man you know I can keep

a secret

okay tell me one thing that I've told

you that you haven't blabbed all over

town that you won those cheerleading

finals that's not a secret

oh yes it is okay I am kind of seeing

someone but I'd really rather not

discuss oh you know we don't mind if

she's from a different ethnic background

no it's not that

well there's nothing wrong with it if

she is fact there can be a lot right

with it as we learn from watching those

cheerleading fine listen listen it's not

that big a deal it's just a little

embarrassing

Brenda is this girl in my class where I

kind of made out with behind the garage

at a party oh behind the garage

[Music]

and that raccoon watches a boy become a

man anyway Britta's okay I'm just really

more interested in her friend Kaitlyn

but you know I don't wanna hurt Brenda's

feelings

you've got to handle this very carefully

women are a lot more sensitive than we

are Oh boohoo dumper

I think what's your mother's so

delicately trying to say is that you

don't have to get all serious with

everybody you make out with but but I

kind of got the feeling it might have

been the highlight of her life besides

it's meaner to string her along I have a

study date with her tomorrow I guess I

can end it then but I'm just not really

sure what to say I can help you I've

broken up with tons of guys but it's

always good to get advice for a

professional hey hey your mom may have

had a few miles on her when we met she

still had that new girl smell

you know the food's already been k*lled

you don't need to sneak up on it

studying with his girlfriend she's hot

she made out with her boy how dark was

it behind that garage well it's just as

well that he's breaking up with her

she's more woman than my little bride

bride can handle he should be driving a

station wagon instead of a convertible

whose top can come off at any minute hey

what are you guys studying Stonewall

Jackson oh that's great he was in the

character from The Flintstones to get

the kids interested in history will you

get to the part about ulysses s grant

this is my father Bill Miller nice to

meet you you must be Brenda we've heard

a lot about you

I'm actually mom this is Caitlin Brenda

just went to a car for a bucket oh wow

here she is Brenda this is my mom and my

dad hi you're Brenda thank God it's nice

to meet you oh it's nice to meet you too

Annabel she's been my best friend since

fifth grade I just love this outfit

doesn't she look great in that color

Bryant

yes uh-huh we should leave them alone

bill it was lovely meeting you again

nice time your tops nice to thank him

break it up with that sweet Brenda yeah

who's Brenda the girl in the room oh

yeah the one with the book spider onto

the strength sure what's this for Lana

key was hand Linda oh oh good for you

honey

I just don't want to see him break that

poor girl's heart she's perfect for him

Brian can you come in here please

plus I don't think our Brian's ready for

a Caitlyn Hef's not ready for a Caitlyn

it's going on I think you should get

Brenda a chance

what but yesterday you said I should

dump her Shh that's because you didn't

explain what a lovely lovely person she

is actually she's kind of dull oh and

you're Billy Idol I think she might be

the perfect person for you

in fact she reminds me of a friend I had

in high school who your father dated

Deena Murphy oh she was a diamond in the

rough okay I'll think about it

see Bill we're raising really nice kids

and one very jittery 38 year olds are

you okay with this son yeah I guess I

mean Brittany's okay it's just that I've

always kind of had to think for Caitlyn

even though she's way out of my league

son son son if I dated in my league you

kids would be a lot less attractive

Thanks I guess let me tell you a little

story back in high school there was this

hot chick that I didn't stand a

chance with because she thought I was

really shallow so I dated her Wallflower

friend which made this girl think

I was sensitive the first chance I had I

dumped the Wallflower and got the

girl all flowers name Deena Murphy the

your mom gee dad what a sweet story yeah

we even made up a name for it it's

called pulling a Murphy another name for

it horrible

Sam it's not my proudest moment but life

taught me orally if you're not one of

the pretty boys you better be one of the

pretty smart boys forget it dad I'm not

pulling a Murphy that's wrong where's

Brenda she went to the bathroom I just

want to say Brian I think it's so great

that you two are dating

yeah she's a nice girl I'm glad you can

see that most boys are such jerks

I would love to find a guy like you

really a guy like me most the guys in

school just ignore a girl like Brenda

but not you you're deeper than yeah you

know sometimes it can be a curse it's

not always easy being the guy who feels

too much it's just so sad that it all

has to end when Brenda moves away I mean

she's she's moving away yeah she's gonna

live with her dad so she can go to that

private school in Deerfield she's moving

far away oh my god I thought she told

you you're moving far away ends and soon

well we'll just have to make the most of

the time we have left I just don't know

what Kaitlin now are gonna do when

you're going

[Laughter]

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miss Tina here no I think she went over

to her friends okay I'm gonna go to the

storage you need anything um I think mom

said that we needed some cleaning

supplies but I'm not sure which one is

he better check thanks a lot Lauren

better you than me

bill you have got to discipline Tina I'm

not getting on her bad side

kick them out to call you back Oh

Kaitlin huh

the one who was out of your league yes

sometimes Kaitlin has things she wants

to talk to me about because I'm

sensitive but you're still seeing Brenda

yeah you're pulling a Murphy I just

happened to be friends with Kaitlin as

well as Brenda aka a Murphy dad I'm

allowed to be friends with two girls at

once Murphy Murphy Meredith okay I'm

pulling a Murphy I couldn't help myself

welcome to club Murphy where the

appetizers are kind of bland but the

entrees are really hot right that ever

since I've been dating Brenda Kayla

thinks I'm the greatest guy ever and I

wasn't gonna pull the Murphy until I

found out she's moving away she's moving

away yeah so now I don't even have to

break up with her Wow Murphy with a

built-in escape you've achieved the

perfect Murphy

that's it your pictures going back in my

wallet sweet Brenda coming over to study

I bought cookies for you too does she

like oatmeal actually Brenda's allergic

to sugar and flour and oatmeal allergies

huh it's like you two were made for each

other

is she afraid of birds - I'm not afraid

of birds

a crow flew into my bedroom anyone would

have screamed like that you know Belle

seen Bryan Brenda together reminds me of

how sweet you were with my friend Dina

Murphy you may not know this but it was

one of the first things that attracted

me to you really because I was just

following my heart sweet maybe after the

kids go to bed tonight I could be sweet

you're sweet to me every second of the

day how about 10 o'clock where you read

they're probably Brenda yeah that's just

so sad it's gonna end soon right son

it sure is dad what's gonna ensue

Britton is moving that's terrible yeah

Brian's pretty heartbroken we'll just

have to make the most of the time we

have left anyway dad Brian guess what

I'm not moving

what what it didn't work out with that

private school so so what exactly didn't

work out well that school in Deerfield

isn't accepting any new students right

now and you're taking no for an answer

says you two can keep seeing each other

yes yes we can

isn't that great dad didn't that great

you ever think of moving to Deerfield

anyway

[Music]

well thanks a lot dad now Brenda's not

moving and she likes me even more and if

I break up with her Caitlin's just gonna

think I'm a big jerk yeah you can't have

the hot girl thinking you're a jerk at

least not until after the wedding

I've never sort of listened to you no no

no hold on some there's gotta be a way

out

okay I'm here I'm here my wife gave me

the message what is so urgent did you

run all the way here

no just up the stairs help me out here

back in high school when I pulled the

Murphy how did I break up with Deena so

Judi didn't think I was a jerk haha the

Murphy I remember first you waited till

after your birthday and then you told

her that your parents were getting a

divorce and you needed a little long

time that's right hey there was such a

good lie my parents got wind of it

thought it was a great idea and

eventually got divorced so it all worked

out yeah yeah now all we have to do is

come up with your lie live what lie lie

down right fits oh yeah the bill and I

were just gonna take a nap

well go ahead don't let me stop you

[Laughter]

how long are you gonna do this well just

30 minutes any longer I'm groggy for the

rest of the day what's going on don't

look at them there's no answers there

well I only kept dating Brenda so that

Kaitlyn would think I'm a sensitive guy

and then once Brenda moved away I could

ask Kaitlyn out that's terrible what

kind of dumb girl would fall for that

according to dad you sorry bad dream in

high school when dad dated Deena Murphy

he only did that to get you to think he

was sensitive is that true bill you used

that sweet girl who it's such a crush on

you to get to me

Judi this is really important and I

think we need to talk about it

how about a week from Wednesday I'll go

put it on my bill don't worry Judy we

got this old Brian thing covered yeah we

told him to tell Brenda that he needs a

little alone time cuz you and Bill are

getting a divorce

oh good so I got a little something out

of this too Brian

it's not right to use people you need to

tell her the truth and don't be rude

call her on the phone tell her you're

coming over there and do it in person

actually she's still downstairs what we

all up here get downstairs and tell her

how you really feel so 10 o'clock red

bra like we said you really want to be

naked around me right now

now kinda and altogether you seem to be

a pretty tight family well I'm not

related I just came over well it's an

app with Bill so are we going to finish

our homework um yeah but there's there's

something I need to say to you first

what is everything okay yeah yeah it's

fine it's just uh

you know what I'm not really sure how to

say this

sorry Brian you can tell me anything

well Brian Stanton are getting a divorce

really that's terrible yeah yeah it's

terrible it's just a crazy time for all

of us

Oh does it have anything to do with that

man mr. Miller was napping with a little

bit

the main thing is Brian's going through

a very confusing time mom no I'm not see

that he's in denial because of all the

trial excuses getting a divorce I was

just about to tell her the truth

I'm sorry I was looking at her sweet

little face and I couldn't help myself

so we all agreed lying is the answer no

I'm just trying to spare poor Brenda's

feelings we need to find a way to let

her down easy I once threw myself down

the stairs to get out of a relationship

and the preset get back up any altar son

you're getting married okay you're all

nuts I'm gonna go in there and I'm gonna

tell her the truth like I wanted to in

the first place

now what is the truth again yes you're

an idiot oh yeah I can't believe you are

so shallow that you would use Dina my

best friend what's gonna remember Dina

Murphy oh yeah yeah bill went out with

her so I think he was sensitive he used

her to get to me well Judy to be fair

you used her too

what are you talking about come on Dina

was a dud you only hung out with her

because you were hot for her older

brother what Judy Jake Murphy

Jake Jake Murphy you used to invite

yourself over for sleep over so you

could trance around

[Laughter]

well welcome to the shallow end of the

pool

well silver she all right

yeah she's fine she broke up with me

what yeah she dumped me she thinks I'm

weird my family's weird and I'm a

terrible kisser plus she's been seeing a

guy from the swim team who apparently

thought she was sensitive for dating me

Brenda pulled a Miller like to say it

was a nice day back here nerves are

rattled my skin's broken out and I

haven't slept in three nights

thanks to Tina I couldn't tell that

little monster of yours I said goodbye

cannot wait to get back to my apartment

just unpacking finally relax

Tina's in the big suitcase right I've

zipped Erin

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[Applause]

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