04x07 - Still Bill Vol. 1

[bunniefuu]

why did grandma have to stay in our room

when it comes to town I hate Flint thing

in that spider infested basement oh

honey you perfectly safe I sprayed a ton

of poison down there I'll tell you what

for every spider you find and bring to

me I'll give you a nickel better mean

that because the only thing I hate more

than a spider is a liar okay so it's not

just me she's creepy right ooh bill what

time's your dad get in here any minute

I'm really looking forward to spending

time with him sweet your baked aren't

you no no this visits gonna be great

ever since he started dating that woman

joy he sounds different on the phone

more optimistic and happy less mean

drunk and r*cist oh maybe joy is a very

calming presence or sobriety counselor

for black anyway this time it's going to

be different he said on the phone he

wants to work on being a better dad so I

bought us 50 yard line seats for the

bear game this Sunday that's sound

expensive oh you can't pinch pennies

when it comes to family but from now on

we got a tiny tina's braces ourselves

you know don't leave you ever thought

that seeking your father's approval

might be I don't know an unattainable

dream that's really just a distraction

from the other painful things in your

life kind of like how you're droopy eye

bags distract us from your gigantic

forehead be quite daddy loves me

hey everybody decent ovarian how you

doing dad good kids I want you to meet

my fiance joy so wonderful to meet you

too so you and al are getting married

how does something like that happen what

woman wouldn't fall in love with this

big growly bear Bill's been really

looking forward to seeing ya you know

what you said on the phone about wanting

to be a better dad well that really

meant a lot to me and I met every word

of it in fact I have a big surprise

waiting for you it's gonna be a minibike

I just know it today a kid I already

have three of those it's a joy son and

my sh*t at being a good father they

don't prove me right about you being

lazy could all be here and hug your

brother

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

so joy you have a con and it's got to be

my son too soon as I adopt little bill

here his name is Belle that's a good

point see it's going to be confusing

having two bills which one he wants to

keep your own name not it's settled

alright large bill we're gonna have to

give you a nickname so we'll know which

one is which you know I got a few

thoughts just off the top of my gigantic

forehead I'm not really a nickname oh I

like it that's a totally fake name all

right from now on your puppy I don't

want to be bumpy you should have thought

of that 5000 peaches ago well you have a

surprise for your dad too what's your

surprise puppy wow I got us tickets for

the bears game Sunday 50-yard line

pretty much the best seats in the house

sweet of you sons eat cheese I was going

to take little bill here to the field

museum he loves dinosaurs any amazing

and I'm your old boy who loves dinosaurs

now I've seen it all

l is there any way that you could switch

your stuff around so that you could

still go to the game with bill I mean

large bit bumpy well if it's that

important to you yeah yes all right way

your bunk honest I want to get out of

these pants okay you know what just keep

those pants on for a minute I'll show

you where you're sleeping help lead the

way gorgeous your kitty loves me do I

know but at least he's going to the game

with i buy us 50 yard line seats and he

acts like he's doing me a favor you

think a father want to spend time with

his son you know share his interests hey

Brian wait been waiting for you the

Chess Club father-son banquet where you

were supposed to introduce me as

chessmen of the year

I hope you don't mind my taking over

your kitchen but I flipped up a tasty

bet of smiley cakes they're really

pancakes but I call them smiley cakes

because they put a smile all over your

face obviously already had your coffee

no I just a big old puff of isn't this a

great day I put that stuff fun to start

having kids hey hey good believe some

creepy guy exposed himself to me at the

gas station I believe it you're a very

pretty girl we go upstairs and see if al

needs anything she's a chipper an upbeat

ya know she really brightens up the room

I don't care for hey you excited about

the game you know I actually am yeah

sure the whole I have a brother thing

was kind of weird but I'm not gonna let

it ruin today I got five hours blocked

off but just me my dad and nobody else

are you ready for the game oh god don't

be i've been thinking about some how

long you ought to trade in those two

expensive seats for three cheaper seats

that way Billy can come with us uh yeah

the thing is el bill was kind of hoping

that it was just gonna be you and him oh

yeah right gorgeous was rude of me to

make that decision on my own all right

who thinks it's a good idea for all

three of us to go Jimmy that's doing

favor to abstain the eyes have it that's

not really fair I take a lot of money

for those tickets oh I see other words

you don't want a little Billy to come

all right you want to break the little

boys hot go right ahead and do it right

over there

you still come in the eye and say Billy

you can't come we don't want you I

understand Billy bad news

[Music]

never going downtown on a weekend again

it was a nightmare the city is

disgusting yond on the arrow and someone

costs directly into my mouth my mouth

keeps like old man what a lovely day I

don't know why they call it to cago the

second city is downtown smells like

number two leave me when you come from a

sleepy little town like I do the hustle

and bustle a big city life is a real

tree son stole your wallet I can finally

get rid of that horrible driver's

license photo a little crazy I mean

isn't there anything you just hate I

mean you know heat there's got to be

something that brings you down let's see

w*r crime disease poverty you have the

prettiest brown eyes thank you

hey how's the game bears won and

overtime on a 54-yard field goal oh

we're billion out well we couldn't get

three seats together so we traded my two

unbelievably great seats for two decent

seats and one behind a pole guess who

got the pole little bastard can raise

his hand so what happened to your pants

cuz it looks like yeah yeah that guy

next to me spilled my beer luckily no

one noticed the stain really know

everyone noticed everyone on the L was

laughing of me including guys who

actually had urinated on themselves had

a great time at that game today me me I

swear to god he's gonna lose that arm

this kid had the time of his life he

loves to bears you know how many players

he can they 55 I can name more than 50

good for you at least he didn't sit

through the game in his own filt

happening is it was my beer maybe you

should cut back when you start peeing

yourself that's a wake-up call no I'm

gonna b*at your pair of pants out of

beer stick well without that beer stain

wait wait a minute what you get that he

felt it up by places in the back of the

closet that's my old Stretch Armstrong

oh jeez bumpy he took you dolly let it

go any more beer left in his joint

there's it all on the front of your

pants

I see that no no i meant can I see it

use your eyes not your hand just for one

second that was one sec no it was not

what not Oh fine fine fine I don't have

to see it I'm a grown man I have money

and I sleep with ladies so haha I

couldn't care less my toy alright so

I'll buy you another one it won't be the

same I was talking it in evening Judy

good evening Bill may I say what a

delightfully uncomfortable evening you

provided us with however do you mean

well you did break a nine year olds toy

I've thought about this long and hard

and there's a rational explanation for

my behavior this kid is a buttface well

I don't think he's going anywhere so you

probably should learn to get along I

just don't see why billy gets everything

Rick what Oh like for example my dad's

taken into the field museum tomorrow do

you think he ever took me to the field

museum he took me to a petting zoo once

but all they were were roosters and they

were fighting each other

I mean I love dinosaurs when I was a kid

would it k*ll them to take me look I

know he was a lousy father to you but it

isn't Billy's father else being a better

dad to him and it's wrong to take it out

on the kid he's just a little boy

without a father responding to a little

kindness I know look if you want your

dad to treat you better than you need to

confront him about this because he's the

one you really mad at ya the Billy I

know I can take his soul fine fine I'll

talk to my dad tomorrow so you in the

mood that depends are you just doing it

so you can brag about it to Billy

tomorrow good night

[Music]

so in a way having my ex-husband gamble

away my life savings gave me a fresh

start I sure got good at sleeping in a

tent for those six months so you are of

me using you're just so positive about

everything I just believe in my heart

that people are good and that life is a

wonderful thing and we should enjoy each

and every day of it because if the only

life we get as far as I know so for me

it's easy you just wake up every morning

and you make the choice to be happy and

then you're happy beautiful way to live

mom in the mouth from the basement yeah

Brian's down there he's got him trapped

under a laundry basket I am NOT going

back down there until it's gone oh it's

just a little mouse I'll take care thank

you joy she's just a sweet thing we

ought to be ashamed of ourselves what's

wrong with us that we people need to

pick and pick up a sweet woman to find

some flaw you're right we need to look

at ourselves

huh I saw things down there that I can

never unsee you just cared that little

fella for you oh happy go put on my face

well I guess we don't have to look at

ourselves yeah hey Dad what was all that

racket about downstairs joy catch a rat

actually yeah hell of a mouse or that

one so that it's been great having you

here these last few days well thanks a

lot for the recap

and you know I I really think it's great

that you get along so well with Billy

but there's something that's kind of

bothering me nice yeah what well like

how you taking them to the field museum

today well actually I'm not taking them

you're not know so the old boys are the

middle going down for beers it's

afternoon and I'm gonna join them Billy

now that I'll get around to telling him

so what is it you want to say to me

actually if you're not taking and then I

guess I'm good all right if we're done

here I have some business in the John

and if you don't mind I'd like to fly

solo on this one Judy I'm gonna go hang

with Fitz my properties go out yeah as a

matter of fact he is cool i can't wait

oh you better learn how to big bill I'm

sorry what three years stretch armstrong

got broken well don't worry about it

that is a nice-looking dinosaur that the

t-rex please don't break it I'm not

gonna break it

you know I used to like dinosaurs when I

was your age I guess your real

production propositioning the field

museum today well you know sometimes

when Papa says today he means tomorrow

or Never look like a medium today pop

said so oh no just no cop is not perfect

every once in a while he might he might

let you down a little no never you know

Papa loves me you know what you're right

he's a great guy I should know I grew up

with him you excuse me for a minute all

right dad we're not done you're taking

that kid to the museum I told you or not

and meet my friends for drinks till he's

counting on you to take it well life is

full of disappointments he'll get over

it no they don't get over lutz when you

said you were gonna be a better dad I

thought you meant with me you are 40

years old you don't need a dude but I

did when I was Billy's age you know you

promised to take me to that museum one

time I was so excited all day all week

you said you'd be home by three I waited

all afternoon into the evening you

didn't get home till 1am you know how I

know I was lying awake in my bed crying

next morning you said you were at the

tavern with the guys I don't even think

you remember saying you'd take me

you know what that boy down there thinks

the world of you and I'm not going to

let you disappoint him the way you

disappointed me now you're taking them

to that museum since who says me Dad

anyone see museum house right now son ah

this way we could stay the whole day all

right go get your coat coin bill yeah I

believe I owe you a trip to this

establishment you want to come with yeah

I love Judy I'm going to the field

museum really yeah with my dad yeah mom

did daddy say he's going to the field

museum yay did really that's awesome i'm

trying to get him to go there with me

forever you know they're doing is it

sweetie if you want to go with him they

literally just walked out the door call

your data and sofa he says a cell phone

oh I know I've been ignoring you lately

so I got you a little gift it's another

durable Thea durable city oh thanks that

is so cool thanks this is empty well

welcome to the captain

I wouldn't have it

the way cause you Maggie