04x11 - Still Sweet

[bunniefuu]

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hey everybody glad you could make hey

honey oh come on Brian I married your

I'm on now surely there's something

better you can call me about the man who

could live with anything Oh welcome to

our fabulous new 5,000 square foot

mansion three two half baths not

counting the side of the garage with the

dogs pink oh wow this is nice Louise I

hitched everybody take off your shoes

Johnny doesn't like shoes in the house

and not because he's asian he's just a

neat freak like most asians guilty as

charged forgot about the dogs gee I hope

they're not in heat again last time I

was here my ankles also virginity excuse

me while i check on dinner wow this is a

beautiful rough this is an oriental run

I heard it's okay to say oriental when

you're talking about a rug the Orientals

don't mind these cookies are great oh

those are dog biscuits for my baby ah

Who am I kidding they're delicious

please it'll be ready in five minutes

Thank You Johnny over and out Louise you

don't need to yell into the air to come

I'm not yelling ten-four I'll be right

back i want to make sure Johnny hurts me

it's a friday night i have three

parties to go to lauren and won't k*ll

you to spend one friday night with

grandma yeah well Brian doesn't want to

be here either this place smells like

old people oh no that's just because

your dad took off the shoes no actually

Tina's right see as you age your insides

start decomposing long before you're

outside so what you're smelling is

actually Nana slowly done which means

only a few more visits

[Applause]

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okay for about twelve seventeen magazine

Oh what's the matter they were out of

hot flash yeah they were also out of hot

dog so I guess you were there before me

maybe he's gonna help us bill Linda and

I are trying to come up with the scene

for Lauren sweet 16 how about a night in

Vegas that's not a bad idea great I'll

leave tomorrow this is important bail or

so into her own like I barely see her

anymore and I had so much fun with mom

planning my sweet 16 is the perfect

chance for lower denied to do something

together soon well don't throw her a

surprise party like mom for me mom

didn't throw you a surprise party sure

she did all my friends showed up and she

was drunk wandering around in her

underwear complaining that dad never

touches her anymore surprise your sweet

16 remember what I got you I gave it to

you after the party behind the garage

kind of a big package if you know what I

mean okay we all know what you mean

oh there's 72 bc 16 burqa girl I'm so

excited the big day december remember

the tent nice all I know is you were my

second daughter first have you met Bryan

you better get your invitation list

together it's not that far off yeah kind

of been thinking about that you know

thanks and everything but I was thinking

I don't really need a party but thanks

what's going on Lauren what girl doesn't

want a party for a 16th birthday she's

worried her party will be late oh I'm

great parties when i was 18 i threw a

party in the woods for 10 box I know I

got my ten dollars worth and then so are

we invisible look no offense mom but

people have major sweet sixteens these

days I mean they have dj's and they're

catered and the whole thing well we

could get a DJ and we could have it

catered we'll do it up pretty sure your

birthday let me go around once we will

go all out thank you so much how I can't

wait to start planning this with you

through that can't wait to start

planning it with baby don't be so much

fun lat Judy sure you can afford this

sure yeah we'll figure out of the way

bill how much do we have saved in the

BCS last time I checked 800 bucks oh

good you at all anything for our kids

what's the BCS Brian's college fund

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Jane caterer get bags three-tiered cake

these are all the things we can't afford

for Lauren's party oh why don't we make

it a scavenger on and the kids have to

go out and find that DJ a caterer and a

three-tier cake I'd be dead now if I had

a g*n oh my god you had a baby babies we

have four of them is it yet right he

needs we're not mall walking he decided

to bring the dogs by for a visit Oh

Billy anybody need your help this

weekend I want to plant some tulip bulbs

can Johnny do it why because he's asian

he has to be a gardener maybe he could

just some ass for you on his abacus I'm

sure bill didn't mean it that way

besides an abacus is Chinese Johnny

don't be r*cist I guess I need to get

somebody out back who needs the poopy

poopy oh well you wouldn't have to have

a drinky drinky would you long day I was

pushing dogs around a baby carriage all

day what do you think honey bee limo is

three hundred dollars an hour fully

loaded no I mean you for thinking I'd

pay that much for a car

wow there's no way we're going to be

able to give Lauren the party she wore

it well listen if you guys are having

trouble with money for Lawrence party I

could contribute no I couldn't ask hid

his hat jus de louise's my wife you're

my family it'd be my pleasure to help

pay for the party what is quite an offer

are you sure d if Johnny wants to pay

for Lauren's party and a jet ski for me

who are we to stand in Italy nobody said

anything about jet skis you sure cuz

someone put it out there and I liked it

when I heard well if you really want to

a tour to say no thanks to you that

makes me very happy dad sorry you know I

just couldn't help overhearing that

Johnny just generously offered to help

out one of your children so I thought

this would be a good time to remind you

about the BCS oh you're absolutely right

Johnny I'm taking you to lunch

mom what do you think about this dress

for me god that's just the kind of

Singh Paris Hilton would wear

really I have the perfect shoes they're

so trashy there an inch away from being

hooker shoes the ones that you wore to

purity yeah Judy I just came by to drop

off the check for Lauren's party you

have no idea what this means test be

sure to thank Johnny please of course oh

look at that awful dress that's the

dress at Lauren and I just picked out

for her to wear Oh seems a little skanky

no it's quite fashionable first game we

both like it there's gotta be something

better in there somewhere awful awful

hahaha what is this weekly

yes Louise we subscribe to week

okay what is the theme of your party

excuse me Louise I didn't know as you

were going to weigh in well it is

Johnny's money and I am John his wife

and I am Lauren's mom so all I'm asking

is that you let me take the lead on this

oh hey Lauren which would you rather

have a lazy theme free snore or a

slammin hip-hop ball and a loft

overlooking the city I hip hop ball done

what no not done everyone can dress in

white like at diddy's Hamptons party I

was in play JV he's been riding high

ever since he called an end to his feud

with Nas on hot 97 I know this stuff oh

I stay current dear

I love that idea Nana oh and I click

some articles out of source and vibe I

think might give us some ideas well I

don't know Louise I think it sounds a

little out there mom nobody in my class

has ever done anything like this be

amazing great well then let's go in the

kitchen and put on a pot of coffee and

start making the plans Judy you're

welcome to join us just try to think

outside the box I'll be thinking outside

of the box view inside the box running

out of air

so when your guests enter say well

walkthrough crystal beaded curtains and

then a photographer with a digital

camera will take their picture which

will be projected on a wall next to the

dance floor that is so doe Lord that

might be a bad idea but that dope is

your grandma judy dope is good I know

that but we're not having anything I'm

almost done planning tulip bulbs oh

thank you sweetheart shoes Maureen water

was off stairs and download some

invitation designs and while we're there

we can check on the dogs they're napping

in the nursery Oh Judy do you want to

come now I'm dope I hope you take this

in the way in which that's intended

don't do that well I hope you take this

in the way that it's intended i'm going

to k*ll your mother i'm already dirty so

if you need me to dig a hole tell me now

he is feeling the whole party it was

supposed to be Lauren and my thing now

it's lauren and her Judy they are paying

for it why can't you be witcher looking

tired of earning my daughter's love I

want to buy it have you seen my knee I

can't find them anywhere no I don't

think so Billy when you came in from the

yard you didn't let him out the back

door did you don't think so but I'll go

check yeah shoes oh there's mud on me

dr. Fineman you are

oh I can't find that dog i'm going to be

useless but you'll still be able to help

us My funny right oh honey I can't even

think about that right now I can't do

anything until I find my baby I just

hope we didn't get out of the house my

knee Oh Bell look in the yard leave it

well they returned my application from

Chicago University the check bounced I

can't believe my own mom wrote me a bad

check honey I'm so sorry where am I

going to get a hundred dollars

well I something really horrible worse

than riding your son a bad check oh all

of a sudden you're better than the phone

company I don't know what came over me

but I just did something crazy to get

Louise out of my hair relax I'm sure

what you did wasn't happen okay did your

first is her face maybe this one of

Louise's fees I felt them I had to

Louise were taking over the whole party

she was ruining my mother daughter

bonding experience she took my baby so I

took her over the whole city their hair

hide him where I don't know just to it

Oh Judy mine is nowhere to be found

Johnny's checking all the shelters and

Billy and I are going to comb the city I

can't concentrate on anything until my

knees back guess we're just gonna cut my

sweet 16 party on hold don't worry honey

i'm here for you we will get it done

together oh really thanks are you for

saving party we need to come together in

these times of crisis what was that

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cynical 90 people yeah I'd be more upset

about that ten pounds you gain come on

Billy let's go it's the first three

hours when they go missing that are the

most important I learned that from

without a trace my knees favorite show

thank you so much mom I cannot believe

you bought me that mess off what do you

just look so cute and diamond I'm going

down to the off station to breakdance

for tips so I can go to college skip

honey you'll make more money if you

smile hey Brian where you going probably

state school were you been driving

around with my mom looking for that damn

dogs how'd it go in a word my name oh

wait not one word a thousand my knee my

knee high yeah it's Nana come on in how

you doing Louise I don't know Judy how

would you feel if one of your children

with Missy which one don't worry mine

he'll show up I'm sure of it how about I

make a cup of tea oh thank you dear that

would be nice Billy could you get me a

Lawson's true feel like I'm losing my

voice we don't have any what are you

doing here you said you'd keep the honey

to life to the party yes I'm done okay

every party has a pooper and minds this

little part machine we've been built or

in the other broom Judy my mother was

wondering every good death with some

honey in her teeth what's in the laundry

basket jungles the fabric softener

spokes there is that my mother's dog she

was ruining Lauren's party don't worry

she'll get the dog bag says it's over

everything will be fine oh no we're

gonna do that right now fine give the

dog back be the hero then your mother

will love you even more and I will hate

you so your mother will be your best

friend and your wife will be your worst

enemy that's how you want this to go

down why'd I ever get married

or have my hide my knee before Louise

sees him I can't why not you I'll

destroy you get the dog hey Louie

where's my tea oh wow you people really

need to go shopping billy-bob Louise I

want you to know something when you hurt

we all hope you're hurting me and I'm

hurt you know what we have noticing you

have a lot of tension in your neck you

know you need to work on there Juliet

well it does feel good maybe later you

could do my feet you'll see where's

Billy we really need to get back out

there oh I'm sure he's run around here

somewhere Oh bill you found him you're

my hero no no no no no heroes here if

anyone's a hero its Judy wait you found

him didn't I tell you what's in it

what's going on why is my knee at your

place did you take him hold up for a

foot massage did you do that have to do

Ripper mother's heart out because you

were taking over Lauren sweet 16 party

this was supposed to be an experience

that we shared his mother and daughter

and you ruined it Oh what I did was

wrong but I I didn't know what else to

do oh I feel like such an ass um I can

understand if you never wanted to speak

to us again

don't be silly Julie I'm sorry if I

horned in on your time with Warren I

guess I just got so excited that one of

my grandchildren wanted to spend time

with me mr. grandchildren love you I

heard the main things kids said what

over the intercom at my new house yes I

always thought they didn't want to visit

because my old place was so tiny but

then it broke my heart just realized it

wasn't the place it was me and my smelly

decomposing inside they're just kids

they don't even want to spend any time

with us I had to throw Lauren a huge

party that we couldn't afford just to

get her to spend the day with sometimes

I think they don't deserve the attention

we give them well you know what maybe we

shouldn't even have the sweet 16 party

maybe we should just cancel the entire

thing oh my little fairy princess you

should ride in a carriage with white

horses if that's okay with your mom

uh-huh it's okay with me if it's okay

with Johnny's credit card money fixes

everything

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hey hey yes dad

I wouldn't have it any

away cause you mag me

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