Go Bulls!
Come on, you can do it!
Come on, they're on fire tonight.
They're only down by .
Let's go play outside. The Bulls stink.
(GASPS) What?
They do not stink!
They're just rebuilding this year.
Hey, hey, we're on offense.
Dribble, dribble, dribble!
Hey, guys.
Cheryl, the Bulls are losin'!
Ugh. My mistake.
Here you go. Three comeback sandwiches.
Oh, yes. These babies helped b*at the Pistons in ' .
Ham. Where's the ham? It won't work without the ham.
(DOORBELL RINGS) I'll take it.
CHERYL: You know, I'm starting to think
these silly superstitions are just...
Cheryl!
(SIGHS)
You know, I'm starting to think
these silly superstitions are just an excuse
for you guys to stuff your faces.
Cheryl, there is nothing silly
about what we're doing.
Oh, we're on defense. Hands up, hands up!
(BOTH SCREAMING)
Hi, Cheryl!
ALL: The Devlins!
Hey, hey, hey, it's the dizzles in the hizzle, my bizzles!
Tim, Cindy, what a surprise.
Yeah. Well, Timbuktu and I were working out,
and I said, "Don't you just love the gym?"
And I said, "I sure do, Cindy-lou-who,
"but not the gym you're thinking of."
Give up the love, my funky fresh brother!
(SCREAMS)
(GRUNTS)
First we went to the gym[span tts:fontStyle="italic"] ,[/span]
and then we went to...the Jim!
(LAUGHING)
Yeah, get it?
Yeah, it's a pretty straight line.
You know, it's so sweet
of you guys to stop by, but unfortunately
we're just on our way out.
We're just gonna go get...
Massages. Ice cream.
Ice-cream massages. It's very relaxing.
Oh! Oh, gosh, every time we drop in
it's right as you're heading out. Sad face.
MAN ON TV: [span tts:fontStyle="italic"] Another ! And with just one minute remaining,[/span]
[span tts:fontStyle="italic"]the Bulls are on a -point run.[/span]
Oh, my God, it's a miracle!
Look, rumple-Timskin, basketball, huh?
Hey, do you know we met when we were cheerleaders in college?
Let's do it. Uh, uh.
Let's just move this little flea market treasure out of the way.
BOTH: Defense, defense, rah, rah, rah!
Their team's coach wears a big pink bra!
Yeah! Whoo! Yeah!
Whoo! TIM: Whoo!
Whoa! Unbelievable! The Bulls just tied it up!
What? They've been getting k*lled all night until...
The Devlins came.
Do another cheer. Quick, quick, do another cheer.
Yeah, yeah. Ungawa, ungawa,
the Bulls have got the power! Hey, it's your birthday!
Three-pointer, it's your birthday!
Ow!
Go... Bulls! Whoo! Yeah!
Whoo!
MAN ON TV: [span tts:fontStyle="italic"] And Hinrich hits a three at the buzzer! The Bulls win![/span]
Oh, my God!
They just broke an -game losing streak!
Give up the love, my funky fresh brother!
JIM: [span tts:fontStyle="italic"] Oh, baby![/span]
Five, four, three, two, one!
MAN ON TV: [span tts:fontStyle="italic"] And the Bulls have won a laugher over the Denver Nuggets.[/span]
Ho ho ho ho! Touch my ball, touch my ball, touch my ball!
Oh, boy, we have got quite a winning streak
going here, don't we, Jimbabwe?
Yes, we do. Five times together, five wins.
And I love winning, 'cause it makes me horny.
What?
(HORNS BLOWING)
Hey, hey, you know what? Game's over.
Oh.
Game's over, and Jim and I have plans for the rest of the afternoon.
Not to worry, you sly boots.
I know code for...
(IMITATES BED CREAKING) ...when I hear it.
Guess we'll be on our way.
What a big pile of sad.
Well, you two kids have fun.
(BOTH IMITATE BED CREAKING)
Ho, Cheryl, whoo! What a day! What a day!
The Bulls win, and we're gonna have sex!
No, we're not!
The Devlins said!
Would you forget about the Devlins?
They are ruining our lives!
Cheryl, the Bulls are games out of first place,
and you're worried about our lives?
How selfish can you be?
You know what? I put up with the Bulls pillow.
I've respected the Cubs goat curse.
I even looked the other way when you insisted
on watching the NFL draft
in my maternity underwear.
Cheryl, everyone in that bar was behind me.
Jim, you have a problem!
I do not have a problem!
Fine.
Then watch the next game without the Devlins.
All right. I can do that.
Good.
Thank you, honey.
Not a problem.
(WHIMPERING) What a big pile of sad!
MAN ON TV: [span tts:fontStyle="italic"] seconds remaining, and the Bulls are down by five.[/span]
Wow, isn't this an exciting game? Huh?
And so much more fun without the Devlins.
We're just down by five. We can do this.
Yeah, yeah, we don't need the stupid Devlins.
Hey, let's do our own cheer. Yeah.
Go Bulls! Go, go, go!
And then go some more!
And then go, go!
Whoo!
Ow!
MAN ON TV: [span tts:fontStyle="italic"] Gordon throws up a Hail Mary...[/span]
(JIM GRUNTS)
[span tts:fontStyle="italic"]No good. And the Pacers win,[/span]
[span tts:fontStyle="italic"]ending the Bulls' six-game winning streak.[/span]
Okay, honey, honey, I'm sorry,
but you do know it has nothing to do
with the Devlins not being here.
I know.
Okay.
I know.
Because it's your fault!
All of your faults! What?
Yeah, that's right. I married into a jinx family.
What are you talking about?
I'll tell you what I'm talking about.
The Bulls won six championships
when we lived on Taylor Street.
Then Cheryl wanted to move here
because of the "good schools," And then zip!
Take it easy, man.
No, no, you take it easy, man.
And what about you? Growing your goatee in ' ,
You spooked Jordan and he went to baseball.
It was disastrous for both of you.
And you, when you got that perm,
you made Phil Jackson all self-conscious
about his weird hair
boom, he's on a plane to LA!
Jim! Are you even listening to yourself?
Yes, Cheryl. I'm a genius.
I can listen and talk at the same time!
I want my Devlins!
I want my Devlins!
All right, all right, move aside.
He needs some tough love.
You disgust me!
Ooh!
Dana!
Cheryl, he has a perky two-headed monkey on his back.
Turn away if you're weak.
Dana, Dana, Dana, that's not gonna help.
You gotta wind up more.
Hey!
Would you stop hitting my husband?
Jim, honey, honey. What?
We love you.
But your obsession with sports is hurting people.
Well, then why are my cheeks sore?
'Cause we need to knock some sense into you!
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
So help me God, Jim.
(SIGHS) Okay, Jim...
Okay, think about it this way.
What?
What if you had a drinking problem?
What would you do?
Switch to beer?
No. You'd quit.
So what's the non-alcoholic version of basketball?
Women's basketball?
No!
No basketball!
Jim, you've got to stop watching the Bulls,
at least for a little while.
No Bulls?
Oh, baby, I know.
I know it's hard, but it's for your own good.
Well...
I have been getting a little crazy.
I got to do something about it.
No Bulls!
No Devlins!
(WHIMPERS) Ohh. Shh, shh, shh, shh. No, baby.
It's okay, it's okay.
No. Shh.
We're gonna get through this, Jim.
And... Break!
Whoo!
ALL: Watermelon, watermelon, watermelon rind!
Look at the scoreboard and see who's behind!
Go Bulls!
Whoo! Yeah! Whoo! Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah!
This is fun, watching the game in a motel.
Oh, yeah. I'm glad you're getting your house fumigated.
And the best part as soon as the game's over, we hit the pool!
Cannonball!
So, you guys want to meet here for the next game?
On Saturday? That's weird.
When we had our house fumigated,
we moved back in after two days.
Well, I'm getting the whole package
you know, termites, cobras, tigers.
Hey, mission Timpossible,
do you smell something burning?
I sure do, Cin Fransassco.
'Cause a certain liar, liar's pants are on fire.
Mmm, he's staying in a cheap motel,
he hasn't showered in days...
Oh, my God. You left Cheryl!
No, damn it, no!
No!
Easy, easy.
I didn't leave my wife.
Please. Something's rotten in the state of Jimmark.
We're not watching another minute
of this game until you tell us the truth!
This breakup has been the hardest thing I've ever been through.
Oh, my God!
If this bed wasn't covered in the crust
of a thousand illicit affairs,
I would throw myself on it and cry!
Looks like you both need a good cry.
Guess that's why God gave me two big broad shoulders.
Thanks a lot, Tim...sylvania.
Mmm...
Oh...
Can I ask you guys a favor?
Anything.
You think, uh,
you think you can keep this from Cheryl?
Because, you know, she's really having a hard time,
and I just want her to be happy.
I mean, think about it. We got the playoffs to look forward to.
What does she have to live for?
The children?
Yeah, yeah, right, the children and stuff.
You know, I love having the TV on Saturday
now that Jim's not watching the games.
Did you know the spice channel is not about cooking?
Speaking of the spice channel,
what's Jim been doing with his time? (DOORBELL RINGS)
You're not gonna believe it. He joined a gym.
Really?
Yes, he's upstairs getting ready to go swimming right now.
Oh, my God.
(SCREAMS)
(SCREAMS)
Wow, this cold weather really does a number
on your hair. Frizz!
Hey, North Cherylina!
Mm! Come on!
Oh!
Oh, yeah. I'd like you to meet my brother.
This is Josh kosh b'gosh.
Nice to meet you.
I prefer Josh. Tim knows that.
Hi. I'm Dana.
Whoa, whoa! Easy there, single girl.
Why don't you go make some tea? He's for Cheryl.
Actually, I am not single. I have a boyfriend.
He's a doctor.
Mmm, and he does great work. Now scoot!
Okay, I'm off to the poo...
What are you guys doing here?
It's only : .
Not that that means anything.
Ha ha.
Hey there, Jimbalaya. What are you doing here?
Oh, you know, just visiting my kids
and everybody because, you know, it is my house.
Yeah. Hey, I'd like you to meet my brother...
Josh. My name's Josh. Just Josh.
I just got out of a relationship,
but I think I'm ready to date again.
Okay.
I'm on the decorations committee for the school dance.
Hey! You know what?
I don't think I've shown you our new hummingbird feeder,
Cindy Cindy bang bang!
What's going on?
You're supposed to meet me at the motel!
We wanted to drop off Josh for Cheryl first.
There's no way we could enjoy the game
knowing she'd be all alone.
What?
Yeah. See, Joshashana is single. Huh?
So we thought one plus one equals love.
You're setting up Cheryl with Tim's brother?
Yeah. What were you thinking?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Are you not ready for Cheryl to see other people?
Of course I am!
It's just the game is at : !
We're not gonna have time to go see it at the hotel!
We're gonna have to see it here!
Oh, potentially awkward, yeah.
Yes, you know?
We got to get these lovebirds out of here.
Oh, if your heart were any bigger,
you'd need medication!
(LAUGHS) Let's just not tell Cheryl
about the setup, okay?
She might not react in a favorable way.
Oh.
Hey, you know what? Cindy just told me
about this great Chinese place up the interstate.
Oh! Josh, why don't you take Cheryl there?
Without you?
Cheryl, I got to swim!
I'm gonna go help Dana in the kitchen.
I'm sorry. Who are you again?
Oh. I'm the husband.
Don't worry. It's cool.
Hey. Hey.
Everybody's acting really weird out there.
Well, you have three Devlins in your house.
I'm surprised everyone's still wearing their pants.
Thank you.
Cheryl, a little bird just told me Josh really likes you.
What are you talking about?
Oh, Cheryl, honey, you can stop hiding your pain.
Jim told us you split up.
What?
Yeah! It's okay, it's okay.
We know Jim's living in a motel.
We've been there for the last four Bulls games.
Ohhh.
So, now that I'm single,
you want to set me up with Josh.
Yes. And Jim is being super-supportive.
Mmm...
He just wants to see you happy.
That man is a saint.
I don't know why you slept around on him.
Interstate north to the fourth exit.
The Chinese restaurant...
You know, Josh, I am in the mood for Chinese.
Let's go out.
Great. I think we should take my van.
Only if it has shag carpeting.
Even on the ceiling.
Wow, shag carpeting and Chinese food?
How will I ever come back to this?
Wait! Wait, Cheryl. Cheryl, wait.
It's cold out. Grab a coat.
Yes! Yes, one minute to spare. Perfect timing.
Oh, my God. I hope the Bulls appreciate what I'm doing.
Are you freaking kidding me?
You're gonna let me go out on a date?
Oh, come on! It's not like you were gonna do anything!
Hey! You told me she was easy.
Excuse me?
Three kids and pushing ? Frankly, you were a tough sell.
Tim, Cindy,
I really appreciate all you've done for me.
And if I do leave Jim,
which is looking more and more likely...
Josh will definitely be on my short list.
But for now, I really think I'm gonna stay and work on my marriage.
Well, I'm still in the mood for Chinese food. Later.
Josh, wait, wait!
I hate for you to eat alone.
Sit!
We are gonna work on our marriage,
even if it takes all night.
(SIGHS)
God, this is just like watching one of my soaps.
Looks like we've sewn a crop of joy here, Timmy appleseed.
Let's go home and have some makeup sex.
But we didn't have a fight.
Yes, we did. No, we didn't.
Yes, we did. No, we didn't.
You win!
Wait. Wait!
Don't leave! Don't leave!
This marriage is over!
Her love is dead! It's a corpse!
Can you see that?
The game is about to start!
Hey, baby.
Hi.
Looks like we have some things to talk about.
Yes, we do. Yes, we do.
And as soon as we watch the game, I'm all ears.
Jim!
Are you sure you wanna go for that remote?
Yeah. That's what makes me think
that I'm not learning anything.
Okay.
You do care about our marriage, right?
Yes, I do!
I mean, times out of
I wouldn't let you go out with another guy.
But this is for the Bulls
and for the people of Chicago
and the greater metropolitan area.
Then help the people of Chicago move to Detroit!
Jim, you're acting crazy.
I am crazy, Cheryl!
And there's a madman and a crazy man
down the street wearing the same Bulls underwear for the whole season.
And there's another guy across town
hopping on one leg when the Bulls are on offense.
All over the city,
people are doing stupid things
because they believe, Cheryl.
And if there's enough stupid people out there
acting like idiots and doing stupid things,
then maybe we can bring the Bulls
all the way to the playoffs!
Jim, you threw me into the arms of a stranger!
You are out of control!
What are you thinking?
I'm thinking about what the score is right now!
All right, I got a problem. I got a problem. I got a big, big problem.
Yeah! You're putting your love of sports
ahead of your love of your wife and your family.
Don't ask me to give up sports!
Jim, I'm not. I'm not.
I wouldn't ask you to give up sports, Jim.
It's part of who you are.
You've always been a little crazy when it came to sports.
Yes.
Oh, I just love you so much.
Okay, so we're good, right?
No, no, no, no! Jim!
What?
(SIGHS)
I need you to go back to your normal crazy.
Before you were meeting people we can't stand in motel rooms
or sending me off on the interstate
with some guy and his good times van.
Yeah, that might have been bad.
Look, I'm never gonna get that crazy again.
All right.
That's all I ask.
Can I watch the game now?
If you can do it with a modicum of sanity,
be my guest.
MAN ON TV: [span tts:fontStyle="italic"] Oh, an inauspicious start for the Bulls...[/span]
Damn it, they're down!
(BABBLES)
But I'm cool with it, baby.
Saw the Devlins' car in the driveway.
I thought you were gonna give them up.
You promised. What about me, huh?
I can be good luck. I can be a Devlin!
Andy...
Andy, Andy, this is not the time!
It's never the time anymore!
MAN ON TV: [span tts:fontStyle="italic"] Duhon throws a three and the foul![/span]
Andy, wait a minute!
Those bikini briefs.
They're good luck!
Really? Come on in!
Give up the love, my funky fresh brother!
(SCREAMS)