01x07 - Between the Fire and the Pan

[bunniefuu]

I've been tired.

And with this cough I have,

Dr. Atluri thought
I should do the scan early.

When do you get the results?

On Monday.

It's Friday night.

Why didn't you tell me?

Because I didn't want to worry you.

I've done scans early before,
and it's always been nothing.

- This time is gonna be no different.
- It's entirely different.

We have a child now.

It's a miracle we b*at this once,
that we had seven good years.

We've been stretching grace, Lino.

We b*at this once,
and we can b*at it again.

You're f*cking right, we will.

Whoa!

Let's go!

I wanna ride!

Amunì! In Siciliano, brava!

Shouldn't you be resting?

I'm fine.

Where's Idalia's, um...?

Why do we have to do this right now?

- I'm ready, Mommy.
- I know you are.

I think Mommy wants me to wear this.

Okay.

- Let me help you.
- Nah, I'm good.

The cancer is back,
and it's moved to your lungs.

Of course I'm not happy to see it,

but it's small
and doesn't seem to be fast growing.

So, we have time.

I can rejoin my old clinical trial, right?

You're no longer eligible for it.

But in the years you've been well,
new dr*gs have become available.

Like Votrient. From what I read,
Lino could be a candidate.

I also saw that they were testing
different ifosfamide regimens

and pairing them up with other dr*gs.

Given the fact that Lino
has been cancer-free for so long...

...that could
also be a possibility, right?

I see you're
in good form, Lino.

And being that you're young and strong,
I think there are good options for you.

So when can he start?

Tomorrow's Show and Tell.
Can I bring Signore Elefante?

No one in my class has met
an elephant who speaks Sicilian.

Yes, you can, but Auntie Zora's
gonna pick you up after school tomorrow.

In fact, your schedule is gonna be
a little different for a while.

Oh. Hmm. Okay.

Aren't you having any ice cream?

No, not today.

Idalia, do you remember we told you

Babbo had cancer before you were born,
but that it went away?

Well, Babbo needs more medicine now.

Because of your leg?

Well, sort of.

Will Babbo still make my lunch?

What do you think?

Hey, hey.

Mommy and Babbo want you to know
that we are not scared.

That's right.

And while the doctors
are busy getting Babbo better...

...I'll be busy at keeping
your school calendar intact

so nothing changes.

Now, I have you taking over from Mom, uh,

after work on Mondays,
Tuesdays, and Thursdays.

Um, okay.

I can do Fridays. Yes. I am.
I'm... I'm emailing Idalia's teachers now.

Okay, okay.

Yeah. She's gonna need
all the support that she can get.

I don't know, Z. She's seven.

She's known
about the scans her whole life.

But this is different.

Yeah, you're right.

It's good.

- Do you want me to do that?
- No, no, no, no, no.

I promised her this fruit she can roll.

Like her friends have.

Oh, hey, um...

Yeah, I'm here.

No, everything is fine. Why don't we
just go over next week's schedule?

Yeah.

You were right.

Hmm.

That was the wrong color
to reupholster that thing.

How could anyone call that ecru?

I told you it would look yellow.

Idalia, we have to go!

Okay.

Come on.

Come on.

♪ The thing to blame is my ways ♪

♪ You're the one I'm thinking of ♪

♪ The one I'm dreaming of... ♪

♪ You are my lady ♪

♪ Whoo-ooh! ♪

♪ I am your man ♪

- ♪ Some call it crazy ♪
- ♪ Whoo-ooh! ♪

♪ They don't understand our love ♪

Breathe in for seven,

six, five, four, three...

Shift change. t*rture's over, Lino...

...two, one.

And exhale.

Nice.

We're making space for inner calm.

Yeah. I've been having some anxiety,
and meditating with your mom helps.

- Thank you, Lynn.
- You're welcome. Don't laugh.

Ciao.

Love you, Mommy.

Love you more.

Hi. I just got here.

Is everything okay?

Has... has he eaten?

Tell my spying wife that I ate.

Lino says quit harassing him.

How's he looking?

Handsome as ever. It's all good.

Okay. Well, I'll see you
at the house, okay?

And thank you, Z.

Bye.

So, you're meditating now?

Yeah.

When I cannot quiet my brain.

This time is harder, Z.
It's harder because of Idalia.

I'm so scared of how
all this is affecting her.

Lino,

Idalia is the luckiest little girl
in the world to have you as a father.

I hope to God someday
I'm as good a parent as you are.

Well, how good am I right now?

I'm filled with all these chemicals,
stuck for hours a day in a chair.

I want to show her so many things.

I want to take her to Sicily.

I want to teach her
my recipe for the caponata.

I want to see her have a good life.

Thank you.

For what?

For this fight.

We want you around as long as possible,
any way we can get you.

I know it's hell.
But we're glad you're here.

Lingerie, huh? And Atluri just
lets you sell these in the cancer office?

Mm-hmm.

- Can't say I don't admire the hustle.
- Hmm.

Lino. Lino, look at me.

Lino! Anet, we need a gurney in here.

- Stay with me.
- What... what is it? What's happening?

He spiked a high fever.
Need to get him to a hospital! Gurney!

Lino, stay with me. Stay with me, Lino.

- Lifting, three, two, one.
- We got him.

- Okay, give me that.
- Why is he limp like that?

- Oxygen. Clear the door!
- I have some cold pack.

Zora.

- Wait, who's picking up Idalia?
- Preston's picking up Idalia.

- Mom's on the way to your house.
- Okay. What happened?

I-I don't know.

He... he was fine one minute,

and then suddenly,
EMTs were putting ice all over him.

Okay, okay.

I'm heading
to your house to help with Idalia.

- Yes, okay, yes.
- Okay.

- Seriously, 15 minutes for a latte?
- I'm here.

They never have enough baristas,
and they're always out of soy milk.

I'm sorry, who are you?

Dr. Halsey, infectious disease specialist.

Infectious disease? He has cancer.

I can only talk to family.

I am his family. I'm his wife.

This is just a consult.

- Your husband may have an infection.
- Why... why is he asleep?

Chart says he's, uh,
been given an antianxiety medication.

By whom?

The attending, Dr. Smith.

The endocrinologist ordered an ultrasound.

- Why does he have an endocrinologist?
- Specialists are running tests.

Okay, where's Dr. Atluri?

The attending and the oncologist
usually come in after their rounds.

Could be hours.

I'm here.

Amore, I'm here.

- ...come home.
- I know, baby. I know. I know.

I know. I'm sorry
that I'm not there to tuck you in tonight.

Me too, Mommy. When is Babbo coming home?

Babbo's probably only gonna be
in the hospital for tonight.

But I have a field trip tomorrow,
and you forgot to sign my permission slip.

Don't you worry. You're gonna make
that field trip, okay? I promise.

Can you put Auntie Zora back on?

I love you, baby.

By roasting those almonds,
they've obliterated 90% of the nutrients.

- Mm.
- Mommy wants to talk to you.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I'm gonna try to call the school
and leave a message.

Can you just make sure
that she makes that field trip?

Please. Idalia's gonna be
heartbroken if she doesn't.

Fake my signature,
do whatever you have to do.

Also, can you let David and Preston know
what's going on?

We might need their help.

- Okay, we got it.
- Thank you, Zora.

She's not coming home tonight.

Let's go get your permission slip, hmm?

The thing is we don't know
how long he'll be in the hospital.

And with Idalia...

Well, we could use y'all
is all I'm saying.

Maxine and I will take
the first flight out in the morning.

Thanks, Hersh.

Hi.

- Hey.
- Ciao.

Ciao.

Now, that's ecru.

Oh!

Dr. Atluri.

It's past midnight.
We didn't think we were gonna see you.

I wanted to make sure I saw you
even if it's late.

So...

...can you tell us what's going on, Doctor?

We think you may have an infection.
So we're pausing the chemo for the moment.

While the infectious disease doctors
figure out the specifics,

you're on a broad-spectrum antibiotic.

And I see the fever is going down.

This is good.

The best thing for you right now
is to get some sleep.

- Okay.
- Okay?

Rest up.

Morning.

Will Babbo be here
when I get home from school today?

You said he'd only be away for one night.

I said "probably one night."

How come you and Auntie Z get to see him?
Why can't I go too?

Well, hopefully, he'll be home soon, okay?

And if not,
I'll make sure that you see him.

You'll probably make sure I'll see him,
or you will make sure I'll see him?

You remind me of Grandpa Hershel.

Hey, look at me.

You will see him. I promise.

I ordered a sonogram yesterday
but didn't find anything conclusive.

- Are you the endocrinologist?
- He's my fifth doctor today.

I've ordered more blood tests.

We'll talk when we get the results.

Where's Zora?

Sorry. But I couldn't hold it.

And since no one was talking
to the Black lady in the corner anyway...

Mr. Ortolano.

What is that for?

We're taking you
to get pictures of your liver.

- The hepatologist ordered it.
- Liver?

- He was fighting an infection.
- I can only discuss with family.

Are you kidding me?

I am his family. We are his family.

That is Lino's sister-in-law.
Do you know who I am?

Nurse, uh, Courtney? I'm Amy.

I am Lino's wife!

Amore, amore. Don't worry.

I'll do the test.

The faster we get answers,
the faster I'll be home.

And much as I've enjoyed
this well-deserved dragging,

I'm hungry,
and you need to cool down. Come on.

- Fine.
- Come on.

- Ciao, vita.
- See you.

Really? Glamour?

"Five things that can add
sparkle to your marriage."

How about one of you not having cancer?

Is that in there?
'Cause if it isn't, it can kiss my ass.

Okay. How about some lighter reading?

Sure. Yeah, um...

How about... How's this?

"How celebrities lose baby weight." Yeah.

Um, you know what?

Let me just get a f*cking latte.

- I'll just get a latte.
- Of course.

- Could you get these? I gotta pee.
- Again, Zora? Wait a minute.

Are you pregnant?

Yes.

I was afraid to say anything
with you and Lino going through this.

- I wasn't sure how...
- No, this is...

This is the best news.

This is the best news ever!
Oh, my God.

The team's gonna keep a close eye
on you, okay? But it's looking good.

Amore. This is Dr. Park,
and he's my new attending.

I just told Lino
he's gone 24 hours without a fever,

and though he'll be tired from
fighting it off, it's a really good sign.

Oh!

- That's wonderful news, amore.
- Hell yes! We should celebrate!

You two fools keep forgetting that
I still have cancer, but other than that...

...I'm the picture of health.

I'm glad he's still got a sense of humor.

Thank you.

It's Filomena.

Ciao.

How are you feeling?

Y'all need a couple of Texans
to start this party?

Oh, it's already started.

Oh!

He's doing much better.

Ciao, Mamma.

Amore, my mom wants to talk to you.

Okay, I'll be right back.

- Look so good.
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, and Zora has some news.

- No.
- Hmm.

Ciao, Filomena.

- How is he really?
- He's good.

His fever is gone,
and the infection is improving.

That's good news.

Last night I dreamt of the Blessed Mother.

She told me Lino was being called home.

- She was...
- Filomena.

I know you're scared, but please,
I can't hear that right now.

- Okay?
- I pray every hour for my son.

But it isn't in our hands.

Listen, the doctor
is going in to see Lino now.

We'll talk soon.

Good. Kiss Idalia for me.

Sì, ciao, ciao.

You could be carrying
the next Emmitt Smith.

Mm-hmm. Or the first woman president.

Amore, amore,
how was Idalia's school trip?

Oh, uh, your... your mom
must have picked her up by now, right?

She did. She did. She'll tell you
all about it on the phone later.

That is one cute little girl.

She'll be in for a visit soon.
I promised her that she would see her dad.

Oh, I'm sorry. Unfortunately,
children aren't allowed on this floor.

What?

Shh!

- Hi, how are you? Good to see you.
- Hey.

How you doing?

Hi, we just wanna thank you so much

for everything
that you are doing for our family

and for all the other families here.

Are you gluten-free?

Hey. Lino, I brought you
a little something.

- Babbo!
- Amore.

Thank you, Daddy.

Hey, anything for you, baby girl.

And for them.

Hmm.

You okay, sweetie? Hmm?

I'm with Babbo now, so you can go.

I can go?

Love you.

Okay.

I'm gonna go get dinner, and I'll be back.

There you go.

Bye.

Why are you wearing a dress?

Because it makes it easier
for the doctors to do their work.

- Amore!
- Hmm.

Look.

Tonino's goat would gobble this up.

You never told me what happened.

Tonino gave the goat his soccer shoes,
but they were too big.

That's right, but he had an idea.

Hmm?

Tonino gathered all of his socks
and all of his father's socks

and all of his cousin's socks
and all the socks in the whole town

and brought them back to the goat.

And when he tried on
Tonino's soccer shoes this time...

They fit?

Sì.

And the goat was so happy
that he danced all the way to the field.

Babbo, your eyes look yellow
like the lemons.

Let's see.

Do you remember what lemon zest is?

The yellow part on the...

- Shh! Shh, shh!
- Oh.

I don't think
that she sees us.

I'll be back in five minutes
with my glasses.

Time to go, Idalia.

Okay, go, amore.

Nurse Gwen is circling.

Bye, Babbo.

Ciao, amore.

Bye, baby. Gimme a kiss.
I'll see you at the house.

- Okay.
- Love you.

Love you too.

I wanted to get you some good food.

I should've known the food
wouldn't be as good as yours.

Hmm? No. No, no, the food is nice.

Amore.

- Yes?
- Go home.

Be with Idalia.

I can read to you.

I'm tired.

- And I'm not that hungry.
- Okay.

Can I have my notebook?

Yes. Okay.

Bye.

Let me get this out of your way.

Bye.

...on my way out.
Liver panels and blood work,

and I don't even know
what the f*ck any of it means.

He won't eat.
And they keep doing all these tests,

but nobody wants to explain to us
why they're doing it.

What the f*ck is the bilirubin?

- And why is this number so high, Zora?
- Amy.

I don't know.

Maybe the liver doctor
will give us some answers.

Did you see his eyes?

Zora, what's happening?

I don't know.

- But this...
- I'll be right back, okay?

Hey.

I just tried to call you at home.
Where are you?

With my sister.

Zora, I took the night shift with Lino
so you could go home and get some rest.

Lino is sick, Ken. Amy needs me.

Amy is taking care of Lino.

You're taking care of Amy,
and who is taking care of you?

Your blood pressure was high
at your last checkup,

and you know the doctor said
with a geriatric pregnancy...

You know how I feel about that term.

And you know how I feel
about you, about this baby.

I'm worried about you.

About our family.
It took a long time to find you, Zora.

I'm just trying to protect you.

I don't know what to say to her, Ken.

I can't tell if she's asking me
to tell her something

I don't even wanna think about.

I'll head home soon.

I promise.

Okay. So, Zora's at Ken's for dinner
next Sunday. It's his father's birthday.

- I can cover that.
- Great.

I'll keep working remotely
for now.

- We'll both be here.
- Yeah.

- Okay, that's the next two weeks.
- Well, what about next month?

Are we sure we should be
looking that far ahead?

Zora, what are you saying?

The doctors haven't given up on him.

Lino's b*at this thing before.
He'll do it again.

He's got people pulling for him,
and I started a prayer chain back home.

And once he's stable, there's a treatment
I read about in Mexico...

Mom, I don't wanna hear
about f*cking Mexico.

- Y'all didn't see him last night.
- We just don't wanna give up on him.

I've never given up on Lino.

He just doesn't seem to be getting better.

None of us are doctors, Zora.

Let's just wait and see
what they have to say.

Lino's numbers
aren't what we'd like.

What... what does that mean, the numbers?

We're more interested
in how the numbers are trending.

You're not answering the question.

Well, when we see
a patient in Lino's condition,

we're in a situation

where a liver transplant
is an attractive option.

- A liver transplant?
- No, no, amore, amore, amore.

How would... would something
like that affect my cancer treatment?

Discuss that with your oncologist.

We'll keep running tests.

Lino has all these doctors, but they
don't communicate with each other.

Can you talk with them, please?

He keeps going for test after test,

but the... the infectious disease doctor
said he's getting much better.

Then this hepatologist, this Collins lady,

she's talking now
about a liver transplant?

No, no, she shouldn't be talking
to you guys about a liver transplant.

You don't move the furniture around
when the house is on fire.

Excuse me.

Where's Dr. Collins?

Dr. Collins. Hey.

What is actually happening to him?

I think you need
to talk to your oncologist...

- What are you not telling me?
- Look, it's not my place.

If it was your husband,
what would you want someone to tell you?

Your husband's liver is failing.

Which means?

Again, you should talk to your oncologist
about Lino's long-term care.

How about not making people run

to the f*cking parking lot
for information?

How about that?

Wait. Where are you going now?

- I've quit asking.
- He has a full-body PET scan.

Who ordered this?

Dr. Smith. No, wait,
the new attending, Dr. Benjawan.

No, no, no, stop! Stop. No more.

He's not going anywhere.

This is bullshit.
We're wasting time with all these tests.

We have plans.

Amore, I haven't been to Castelleone.

We have to take Idalia there.
It's just... it's... it's...

It's too many doctors.
It's too many... it's too...

It's too many f*cking tests.

I don't... I don't...

God, I don't know
what the f*ck is happening. I don't know.

I do.

Okay.

I promise you...

...that I'm getting you out of here.

I promise you, amore, okay?

Our story doesn't end here.

What will this look like?
What should we prepare ourselves for?

First, I'd like to ask Lino
how he's feeling about all of this.

Thank you.

- No one has even asked me that.
- Well, I'm sorry about that.

And for the lack of clarity.

Palliative care is comfort care

for the patient and the family.

And part of that is honesty.

Lino, you have a cancer we cannot cure.

And your liver is failing.

Your body is showing me
that it is in the process of dying.

So, the question for you is

what do you want
your final time to look like?

I want to get the hell out of here.

Dying looks different
for every single person.

Hospice workers will give you meds
to ease any of the pain

and help Amy handle this transition.

Hopefully, you're lucky enough to have
friends and family step in and help you.

What about our daughter?

We'll set you up

with a social worker
who specializes in this area.

I'm here for both of you.
You can call me any time.

Okay?

Pronto.

Amy.

Where's Lino?

There's nothing more they can do.

He's going home.

I'm going to church to pray.

It's in the hands of the Saints now.

Don't worry.
It's gonna be a slow ride. No sirens.

You're almost home, amore.

Idalia.

Babbo came home last night,

and he can't wait
to have breakfast with you.

- Ciao.
- Look!

Wow.

I have something for you too.

What is it? What is it?

Chocolates?

But not till after breakfast.

I have pancakes, eggs, and grits.

Amore.

How do you say

"coffee" in Italian?

That's easy, Babbo. Caffè.

Brava.

"Pancakes"?

Frittella.

Brava.

What about

"goat"?

- Capra!
- Sì.

Amore...

Mangia, gioia mia.

Our goal is to help you understand
what your child is going through,

so you can help her after this.

Sorry, I just...

I hate this.

Children are prone to magical thinking.

Grownups too.

You need to help Idalia
understand what's happening,

because her brain will want to forget.

The most important thing
is to include her.

And when her father dies,

bring her to him.

Let her see him
and have a moment with him.

Touch him.

I don't know if I can do that.

You can.

And you will, for her.

Do you have help? Family?

Good.

And remember,

kids can handle anything
if you tell them the truth.

- "Being deeply loved by someone..."
- Amore, amore.

- In Italian.
- Okay.

...something?

You read it, Mommy.

All right.

"To be loved deeply
by someone... makes you strong."

Sorry, Lino. I got two more
specialists who need to see you.

Whoa!

Ciao, belli.

- Hello, Amy.
- Thank you for coming.

- Hi.
- Thank you.

Of course.
I made you some limoncello.

And this is for Idalia.

- These are from my home country.
- Thank you.

I'm sorry, guys. I can't get up for you.

Ah! When did you ever get up for me, huh?

Oh, well, him, I'll get up for.

Whoa!

- Ciao, Antonio. Grazie for everything.
- You're welcome.

- How are you, Lino?
- How am I? I'm like this.

Ah! Idalia!

Thank you.

It's getting a little cramped in here.

Let's go to the garden.

Hmm.

Hi.

Thank you. Would you wanna join us?

- Ciao.
- Everyone, this is Alice.

Good to see you.

- Ciao.
- Ciao.

No, no, amore, amore.

How about
we give your dad a break?

How are you? You okay?

Come on, let's dance a little.

You said I only have two moves.

Go get Maxine, Daddy. Get Maxine.

I think I can do
that twirl, man. I should try this.

I don't wanna end up in the hospital.

I can't believe how good he looks.

There can be a surge of energy
at the end of life.

Like that last burst of energy
women have before they give birth.

Birth and death,
these two elemental human experiences,

not very different.

Um, everybody just gather around.
Should we take a picture?

- You wanna take a picture?
- Yeah.

- Picture, guys, yeah.
- Yeah?

Let's do that.

Watch out, watch out, watch out.

Yes, thank you. I knew there
was something wrong with this picture.

Vieni, vieni, vieni, come on.

You can't let her behave like this, okay?

Formaggio.

- Formaggio.
- Formaggio!

I'm eating cheese.

Cheese!

Where is the cheese?

Hi, everyone. I'm just gonna get Lino
to take a nap now. He's a little tired.

- I'll help you. Up.
- Yes. Thank you.

Okay.

Sweetheart,
there's something I need to tell you.

It's about Babbo.

I know he's dying,
and it's breaking my heart.

It's breaking my heart too.

When?

I don't know.

Soon.

Mommy's here.

Come sit with me, amore.

How long do goats live?

Fifteen,

sometimes 20 years.

Where's Tonino's goat now?

When Tonino was at school,
the goat was not with him.

But just because he didn't see the goat,

it didn't mean that the goat
didn't love Tonino with all his heart.

Because their love

is like an invisible string
that connects one heart to the other.

And that can never be broken.

No matter where either of them are.

I love you, Babbo.

Can I have my address book?

Stay close to her.

And treat Idalia like your own child.

I-I will.

Idalia.

Hey, Idalia. Shh, shh, shh.

Amore.

I need something.

Please, take my ashes home to Sicily.

I will.

And I want you to know love again someday.

Another love.

Your love is too beautiful not to share.

Please don't.

I want you to live your life.

Your lips are dry.

Thank you for your life.

Thank you.

Where do you think I'm going?

I don't know.

But I think it's beautiful

and full.

And you will be peaceful.

You will be peaceful, Linuzzo mio.

I will welcome you in my dreams.

I look forward to our next time together.

Ti amo.

Ti amo.

Ti amo.

Ti amo.

Ti amo.

You waited for me.