03x05 - Florida

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Big Mouth". Aired: September 29, 2017 - present.*
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Andrew is learning that first hand as he experiences the nightmare that is growing up in this animated series.
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03x05 - Florida

Post by bunniefuu »

Mm...

Good morning, Nick.

I have so much to show you.

I wanna see it all.

Well, follow me.

You're already behind.

I'll follow you anywhere.

- Oof.
- Oh, Nick. The world is on fire.

But so is Steph Curry.

Mm. Come swipe me
for more rock-hard content.

How did I wake into this dream?

- You like this?
- Uh-huh.

How about this?

I like all of it.

Mm. I know exactly what you want
and what you need.

- Do you love me, Nicky?
- I'm obsessed with you.

Perfect.

Nicky? Nicky?

Nicky, we're late!

- Ow!
- What are you still doing in bed?

- Put down that phone.
- Ugh! Your mom totally hates me.

Who cares?
Her opinion means sh*t to me.

Then keep scrolling,

'cause you'll never believe how fat
these ten civil rights heroes got.

♪ I'm goin' through changes ♪

♪ I'm goin' through changes ♪

♪ Oh, in my life ♪

♪ Oh, ooh, ooh ♪

Matthew, time for kindergarten!

Bye, Harry Potter.

Matthew, time for tap class!

Bye, Nick Jonas.

Matthew, time for school!

- Okay, I'm coming.
- Hey, hey, hey.

Aren't you gonna kiss the door jamb
and pretend it's your crush?

- Oh, it's so stupid.
- Come on!

You've been doing it forever.

"Bye, Aiden."

Oh, God, no. If I pretend it's Aiden,
then it's a whole thing.

Why don't you start
with half your thing?

Then, if he relaxes,

maybe he'll take the whole thing.

Jesus. Aiden and I
haven't even kissed yet.

- I haven't kissed anyone.
- What about Jay?

No, no, no, no. no. Kissing Jay is like
eating McDonald's at the airport.

It doesn't f*cking count.

And then you fart so hard
on the plane, all the masks drop?

Ugh, God.

So, I told Grandma, "You can't keep
a microwave on your nightstand."

Nick, stop lookin' at real stuff
out the window.

Look at this video.
This kid calls himself Short Stack.

Is that all he does, eat pancakes?

Yeah, but then
he pukes them up on his friends.

He's pretty popular.

Oh, look at all them likes.
He's got 20,000 followers.

Why can't we ever do something cool
and viral together?

I would totally do a video with you.

Oh, you'd totally do a video with me?

Yeah. What... what should we do?

Oh, now I'm supposed
to have all the ideas?

- No, I... I just...
- You have to think of your own content.

Ooh! We could throw a towel up in the air
higher than it's ever been.

- What?
- So, we're thinking,

why tell Grandma about the cancer

when she doesn't even know
where she is, right?

- Wow, that's really exciting.
- Bye, Nicky.

Have a great day with your phone.

So glad I opened up to you
about my dying mother.

- Okay.
- You little f*ck.

Nathan Fillion had been
time-traveling the galaxy for eons

and had grown quite lonely.

Oh, Gustavo.

Nathan and Gustavo
had met only once,

while buying saffron
at a 7th-century spice market.

But Nathan couldn't get
that muscular horse out of his mind...

Missy, what are you doing
over there all scribbling away?

What? Nothing. I'm actually just...

It's something for myself, private.

Lamies and gentlejerks.
Who's gonna pick a card?

- Well? How 'bout it, Nick?
- I don't care.

Uh, Nick's still preoccupied
with his phone,

but he's always got time
for a best-bud fist bump.

No? Fists? Come on, please?

All right, rain-check that fist bump.

Another day. We will do it.

Fine, fine, fine, fine.
Never mind. I'll pick the card.

And boom! Disappeared!

Okay. Can we please go to class now?

No! I haven't gotten to the prestige.

Now, if we just look
in Missy's old-timey notebook here...

Holy sh*t, I did it!

Gaia dang it, Jay!
That's my private property.

Missy, calm down.
It's just a stupid notebook.

Stop overreacting,
or I'll f*cking k*ll you!

So, why were you off today? Is it, like,
the Pope's birthday or something?

Well, my school put up a more
"body-positive" Jesus in the chapel,

and it fell on Father Lucien.

But did Daddy Lucien like it?

Daddy did.

So, do you, maybe, wanna meet up

at Rosa Parks Park tomorrow,
after school?

Um... Yeah. That sounds great.

Okay, cool. Uh, I gotta go.

- Oh.
- But not an awkward "gotta go."

- Uh. like, I really gotta go, so...
- Totally.

- Um, see you tomorrow.
- Yes, yes. It's a date.

- Byeeee.
- Byeeee.

Okay, quick. Jerk it to Aiden while
his voice is still fresh in your head.

- What? No.
- Ooh!

Did you take any screenshots
of him with his mouth open?

Maury, calm down. You're putting
too much pressure on me.

Pressure, yes.
Let's get your mom's panini press.

We'll make a pan-enis.

The house will smell for weeks.

Ugh, what the hell has gotten into you?

I'm jazzed, man. It's your first date.

It is kind of exciting.

What are you gonna wear?
What am I gonna wear?

What are my dicks gonna wear?

Probably just, like, a cute top and jeans.

I'm so bored.
Post something, babe.

Babe, what do you want me to post?

This guy took a selfie on the tip
of the Seattle Space Needle.

- Whatchu got?
- I don't now, but that sounds terrifying.

Yeah, well, you need to take risks
if you wanna get attention, dude.

Do something cool, you f*ckin' sh*t.

Look, I don't want you to feel bored.

I want you to scare me, Nick.

I don't wanna feel safe with you.

♪ First comes the baby oil
On places big and small ♪

♪ Next comes the lotion
Don't forget the balls ♪

♪ Take the time to do it right
Soft Daddy thinks you'll find ♪

♪ You'll be smooth as baby skin
From kisser to behind ♪

Oh, my God,
your dad's like a serial k*ller.

He's hilarious.
You have to put this online.

I don't know.
This seems, like, profoundly private.

Jesus! You never wanna do
anything I wanna do.

- Are you kidding me?
- Do you even f*cking love me?

Of course I do. I love you so much.

Then f*cking do it. For me.

One and two refrain!

♪ Elliot, you're as smooth as hell ♪

♪ What's your secret? ♪

Sh!

♪ Soft Daddy never tells ♪

So, me and Aiden are going
to the playground after school.

Oooh! Are you going to "Le Slide"?

Why are you saying it like that?

Uh, because the slide is where all
the eighth graders go to French kiss.

Ooh-la-la!
My French penis is très excited.

Oh, I love a cigarette.

Oh, God. Why is there no spit in my mouth?

Because it's going straight to your balls.

It's turning into cum.

- Eyebrows, eyebrows.
- Aw, Matthew!

I've never seen you nervous.

I'm not nervous.

I'm just uncertain how things will go
and, therefore, deeply terrified.

Well, I think you should go
and definitely make out with him,

and then definitely tell me all about it.

Yeah, I don't know.

What do you mean, you don't know?
You wanna lip-f*ck his yapper.

- Fine, I'll go.
- Yes!

Vive la France! Let them eat cock.

- Oh, I get it, Maury Antoinette?
- Oui.

- Good one.
- It's my drag name.

Hey, Nick. Paging Dr. Nick.

Patient Glouberman desperately needs
your attention.

I need a... a hot Nick injection.

Uh, no... No, that didn't come out right.

Ooh, Soft Daddy got so many likes!

Eh. Not like it went viral or anything.

But it still could go viral.

Oh, my God. It's bumming me out
that you think that.

I don't wanna bum you out.
I... I just wanna make you happy.

Holy sh*t, Nick!

I tried your dad's skincare routine
and it's, like, amazing.

♪ From kisser to behi-i-ind ♪

- Hey, Missy. I wound up with a page of...
- That's not yours.

- Give that back!
- I'm sorry. It was an accident.

f*ck you! I really liked it, though.

- You did?
- Yeah.

Especially the... romantic parts
with Nathan and Gustavo.

Are you making fun of me?
'Cause I wasn't sure you knew how to read.

Are you kidding?
This half a page is my favorite book.

Wow, Jay. That's very flattering.

Does the horse go into space?

Because you've made Nathan
into a character I can really root for,

and I just want him to be happy.

He's gonna be happy.

This isn't some
Damon Lindelof Lost bull h*nky.

I know where I'm goin'.
I'm not gonna smoke-monster this thing.

Missy, if you don't let me read
the rest of your hot,

horse-on-guy, Spanish space epic,
I'm gonna set myself on fire.

- Jay, I respect your passion.
- Thank you.

But I don't know if I can trust you
with something so private.

You can trust me.

I have big-ass secrets,
like, way bigger

than your stupid stories
that I f*cking love.

- Okay.
- f*ck, yes!

I mean, that'd be cool.

But please, don't make me regret

opening my heart to you.

That's what Nathan says to Gustavo!

Oh, my goodness!
You really did read it.

I really did. I can read.

♪ Bet you didn't think
You'd get your elbows so smooth ♪

♪ But Soft Daddy's got you covered ♪

♪ Just copy my moves ♪

Uh-oh.

Oh, my God.
Your dad's such a lady clown.

I can't believe you'd post
something so private of your father.

He's very upset.

How could I be upset?

Nicky's captured me
at my most velvety.

Exactly. It was an homage.

Oh, please. Your father's ridiculous
and you're making fun of him.

Give me the phone. Now.

- No.
- Slap her hand away. Throw me at her face.

Bite your mommy. Bite her hard!

- Give me that.
- No, I need it. You can't do this!

It's for your own good, Nicky.

This phone's a bad influence.

Nick, save me!

I'll find you, baby. I love you!

And I love you.
Give your Soft Daddy a hug.

Ugh! You're slick like a seal.

Umpty, umpty!

- If I'm a seal, then you're my ball.
- Oh!

- Is this a dream? For me, it is.
- Oh! Uh!

Play nice while Daddy's working, okay?

Oh, I'm so psyched.

Look at me, Matt.
I'm making love to the snail.

Hey, Matthew.

Huh? He's already in "Le Slide".

- Mais non! Zut alors.
- No, no, no. I can't do this.

Hey, Matthew.
You're not in charge anymore.

Look at my teeth. Look at my teeth.

- I'm the captain now.
- Oh, God.

Yeah, that's how serious
I am about this reference.

Now, get in the slide
and suck that boy's face.

Hi.

Hey. Thank you for joining me
in this tubey slide.

Thank you for having me.
It's very plasticky.

Oh, man. The sexual tension
in here is electric.

I think that's static electricity.

- Ooh, Shock his cock.
- Shush.

Ooh, wait, you... you have a, um...

something like a wood chip in your hair.

Oh, I thought I felt something.
I thought it was maybe a barrette.

- Uh...
- So...

Oh, God. Maury, why am I shaking?

Because it's gonna happen.
It's gonna happen!

Are you okay?

Um, I... I... I feel like
I'm inside of a lunchbox.

- Oh.
- The light in here is making me nauseous.

I... Okay, um, I gotta go.

- Oh. Okay. Um, bye.
- Yes, okay. Bye.

Where the hell are you going?
It was about to happen.

You kept shaking me. You ruined it.

All you had to do was kiss a dude.

Most straight guys do it by accident.

Stop being such a maniac.

Don't yell at me in front of my penii.

- They don't even know what we're saying.
- They understand energy.

Okay, good. They're gone.
My phone has gotta be somewhere in here.

Cellsea, where are you?

Why don't you call her
from the home phone, dummy?

I don't know her number.
I don't know any numbers!

That's one of the many reasons
I need her.

That's it!

Oh, find my phone app.
That's good! That's good!

- That's my smart baby!
- Sh! Listen.

Help, Nick. Help me.

I'm coming. Just keep talking, babe.

I'm up here.

- Nick!
- I can't believe Diane crawled up in here.

- This way.
- Okay, I see you.

- I see you!
- Hurry! It's so hot in here.

She put me in a box
with your baby teeth.

She's so crazy.

What? It's locked.

Damn! Your momma is not f*ckin' around.

Ooh!

"Nathan Fillion, his skin glistening

with sweat beneath his mustard-colored
caftan... don't know what that is...

wanders through a Moorish bazaar...
also don't know what that is...

in search of..."

Yeah... Gustavo.

Gustavo? Gustavo!

Dónde estás, Gustavo?

Gustavo, is that you?

Neigh, amor. Claro que neigh...

They can steal your human form,
old friend,

but they could never steal your wit.

Mmm. Warm.

Oh, they are gonna bone.

I can feel it.

"Nathan drapes a saddle
on Gustavo's muscular equine back..."

Damn!

"...brushes Gustavo's coat..."

Oh, sh*t!

"...then pats him on the head

and leaves to look at local tapestries"?

Oh, come on! f*ck you, Missy!

So, how was "Le Slide"?

He "le blew it."

Ugh, I went, but we didn't make out.
It was too weird.

What do you mean? Weird how?

I don't know. I just felt out of control.

Like Roseanne trying to get
into a box of Raisinets.

That's called being horny.

Maybe that just means you like him,
if I may be so bold?

Ugh, I do. And now it's over.

No, no, no. no, no. Let's think.
Maybe the slide was too public?

I know. What if you invited him over
to "study"?

- Wink, wink, wink, wink.
- Oh, yeah. Great idea.

My dad would love it
if I brought another "artistic boy" home.

Oh! You could say I'm coming, too.
Your dad loves me.

He said the Rapture can't happen
without me and my people.

Yes, but you'll really come, right?

Yeah, but I'm not gonna like
watch you guys make out.

Hey. Hey! Don't start negotiatin'
against yourself here.

Nick, hurry!

I'm at three percent.

Baby, just be strong!

- If I don't make it out...
- No!

...know that Wetzel's Pretzels
followed you on Instagram.

Baby, hold on.

- You're pathetic.
- Ah! Are you gonna tell on me?

What? f*ck, no.
I'm an agent of chaos, you little scrunt.

Oh, thank God!

Give me those baby teeth.

- Are you okay?
- No. I'm exhausted.

Can you please just charge me?

Sure, yeah, whatever you want.

Great, thanks. The outlet's over there.

Let's start walkin'.

- First off, I loved it.
- You did?

The writing's amazing.
I love the world.

- I love the characters.
- Great.

I do have a few notes, though,
if you're open to hearing them.

I mean, I'm not really,
like, in feedback mode right now.

Oh, yeah, totally.
I totally respect your process,

but I did have one idea
that I think you could really use.

- All right.
- And now, this is, like,

the bad pitch version of it,

but what if Nathan Fillion, like,

full-on butt-fucks Gustavo in his butt?

Don't answer yet, just think about it.

Huh. Uh...

That's maybe not really, uh, this story.

What I mean is, like,

the sentiment behind the note is
that I want more heat.

Like, right now
the story is at a simmer,

and this sh*t could really boil.

So, going along that vein,

what if Nathan grabbed Gustavo

by, like, the scruff of the neck

and then just kissed him passionately?

With tongue, French-style, let's say.

Yes, that's even better!

And, like, what if you, I don't know,

threw, like, some sort
of busty chick into the mix?

Okay. Well, Fatima is
Gustavo's first love.

She's an astronomer, and her breasts
are like Valencia oranges.

- Does that hit a nerve with you, or...
- Perfect. Perfect.

I wanna see
a strong female character

who interacts
with other female characters

in a way that is not related
to the men in the story, Missy.

- This could pass the Bechdel test.
- Wow.

And both of those women
should get slammed.

It's a feminist allegory.

Jay, do you wanna, maybe, like,
collaborate with me on this?

Oh, my God. Yes!

'Cause I have a sh*t ton of other ideas.

Okay. Like, here's something
I've never seen in literature.

A man's penis going inside

of a horse's penis.

Uhhh.

You know what he wants.

Ugh. Your breath is so f*cking hot.

This is so f*cking hot.

Linky your pinkies.

Now, ask if he wants to wrestle.

Throw him off a ladder.
Hit him with a chair, brother!

- Aww. Aren't they sweet?
- They are.

- Get her the f*ck out of here.
- Sweetie, let's go. We gotta bounce.

Oh, yeah. Right, okay. Um...

I'm gonna go check the... stocks market.

And I'm leaving. Goodbye.

What a tender f*cking moment, brother.

Oh, yeah!

- Ugh.
- Oh. You're not gonna like this.

Short Stack is in Montauk with Roland.

What? How do they even know each other?

I don't know, but they seem pretty close.

Nicky, message Roland.
Tell her it looks fun.

Use some
of them heart mamojies up in it.

Hey, Nick. Uh, if you're just
gonna be on your phone,

- I can go home.
- Okay. Whatever.

Oh. Doesn't care. Okay.
Figured he wouldn't, but it still stings.

Roland already wrote back.
She said, "You should come."

Pssht. You don't have the balls
to go to Montauk.

I've got the balls.
I've got Montauk balls.

Your parents are
at their lame-ass book club. Let's go!

Yes, a road trip is
what we need, baby.

You can keep me plugged into
the USB port the whole time.

I'll be so charged up.

- Okay, we're doing this. Andrew.
- I'm still here.

I need you to get an Uber,
so we can meet Roland in Montauk.

Hah, Nick, you think I have Uber?

My dad thinks that taxis are
for celebrities.

The human potato looks tall.
He could drive us.

You gotta drive
my mom's car, then.

No, that's ridiculous.

Why is it ridiculous?

'Cause it's a ridiculous idea.
I don't do regular things.

Why would I do something
out of the ordinary?

Because I'm too small
to reach the pedals,

and, Andrew,
you are a beast of a boy.

- Let go of my arm, man.
- No! You can do it.

- You're hurting me.
- You can do this, Andrew.

- I have to go to Montauk.
- I wanna hang out with Nick,

but this is crazy, right?

I don't know.
He's finally off his phone.

- Isn't that what you wanted?
- Yeah, but...

And you wanna drive, baby.

Pull up to a beautiful lady
at a stop light.

You lower your shades.
You give her a wink.

- What do you say?
- I say "I love you so much."

No, you f*cking idiot.

- You say something sexy.
- Okay.

- Like, "What's up, baby?"
- Where'd you get your shirt?

Next thing you know, she's blowing you

while you listen
to a college basketball game

on Sirius XM.

- Gonna get blown in a red car.
- Yeah...

Let's do it, Nick.
Let's do somethin' f*ckin' crazy.

- Yeah, buddy. Let's do it.
- One quick thing.

- Uh-huh?
- I don't know how to drive at all,

and I've never paid attention
when someone else was.

- Tell the potato I'll get him a video.
- We'll figure it out.

Hello, Coach Steve.
In case you forget your memory,

this is a video
to remind you how to drive.

Oh, this isn't gonna help at all,
but I gotta watch this.

I'm going to demonstrate using this pizza.

First, grab the pizza wheel

and put your hands straight out
like a mummy.

Ooh!

I b*rned my peena.

- Who do you think these are for?
- Hold on. I gotta check something.

Hello, Coach Steve.
In case you forget your memory,

this is what you do
when you burn your peena with pizza.

Step one, drive to the hospital.

Look how slack his face is
as he watches himself.

You remember how to drive, right?

If not, watch this video below.

Hello, Coach Steve.

Okay. I think we got it.

Question, would it be
in Gustavo's character

to sit in the corner,
and quietly self-jack onto a silk pillow,

while Nathan and Fatima
stone-cold plow each other?

I just think, if we are in outer space,

we owe it to ourselves to write
a zero-gravity 69 scene.

You know? It's, like,
what are we doing here?

And then,
after Gustavo turns back into a man,

he and Nathan should totally...

Bump uglies!

Absolutely not.

Yeah, you're right.

- I'm sorry. That was too far.
- They bump... beautifuls.

You better put... that... in!

Is what Gustavo should say.

I would like that very much!

Is what Nathan should say.

Kimberley, I hate to say it to you,

but... go fish.

Well, hello, Jessi.

Oh, hi.

Hey, sweetie. Are y'all done studying?

No. No, no, no. I, um...
I just came down for...

- um, um... a snack.
- Oh, you know, if y'all are hungry,

I'm just gonna bring somethin' up
for you and the boys.

No, we're good.

So, why am I still standing here?

Oh, I know.
I've been meaning to ask you.

Um... How do you make a marriage work?

Well, interesting question, Jessela.

First thing you do is
find the love of your life.

And for me, that's the Navy.

- He's kidding, of course.
- Having a sense of humor

- is key in a marriage.
- He wasn't always this funny.

When I first met him,
he was a violent, angry man.

You know, Matthew used to have
an older brother.

- Oh, my God.
- I'm kidding, Jessi!

Sense of humor.

If we had a dead son,
there'd be pictures of him everywhere.

Okay. Seat a little bit up.

No, a little back.

- What is he doing?
- Okay.

If I remember what Coach Steve said,

hands at pepperoni and olive.

Great. All right. Let's go.
Let's go, buddy.

- You wanna give me a second?
- Ugh.

What do these do? Whoa! Blue liquid.
Fun. Everyone okay?

Everyone's fine.

I'm sorry.
I just want everyone to be safe.

Oh, f*ck safety. Let's go!

Andrew, let's get on the highway.
I wanna moon some truckers.

One second.
I'm figuring out the signals.

Ooh, I can't wait to feel my hot taint
against the cool window.

What? Why is your taint hot?

Andrew, just put the car into gear and...

What is "gear"?

I don't know. The letters
in the middle there. Just put it in the...

- All right. Press...
- It's probably the one right after P.

- Hold on.
- Yeah, just...

- press on this.
- There we go.

- R meaning rev the engine.
- Good. It's fine. Let's just do it.

Uh, hold my coke.

Wait, you know what?
Just put the coke up my nose.

Save it up my nose.

Haaaah.

Oh, my God.
What the hell happened out here?

Andrew, hey. Eyes.

Look at me. Just stay cool.
We don't know what happened, right?

We know what happened.
We know what happened.

- No.
- Andrew drove the car.

Andrew drove your mom's car.
I betrayed her trust.

I'm gonna flip on everyone.

- I'm gonna tell...
- Hey, hey.

- Come here. Andrew.
- I gotta cut a deal.

- Come here. Shut up.
- Please, let me get away with it.

- Okay.
- You just relax, okay?

- Yeah.
- You keep your mouth shut.

- Uh...
- Let Uncle Nicky take care of you, okay?

Ooh. Me likey
when scary Nick takes control.

Hey. You shut the f*ck up, too.

Don't you talk to me like that.

I gotta put you away.

Oh, yeah. Jam me in the couch
like I'm your dirty little secret.

Yeah, that's right.

Ooh. That phone's crazy.

And so, through the power
of space technology...

And also, like... love?

Gustavo's transformed
into a nude human

wearing only a weathered saddle.

But still with a thick,
girthy horse cock.

Whoa. Gustavo.

Mmph. Nathan.

Nathan jumps into Gustavo's arms,

and Gustavo carries him
across the spaceship threshold...

...to... bump beautifuls?

Hell-f*ckin'-yeah, they do.

The end.

- You were right, Jay.
- I always am.

Nathan and Gustavo needed
to be intimate with each other.

Great call. You know what?
We make a pretty good team.

Yeah. There's something about you

that makes me wanna, like, listen
to the words that come out of your mouth.

What even is that?

That, to me, sounds a lot like friendship.

You think? Huh. How about that?

I'm friends with a girl. Wait a minute.
Does that make me gay?

If you were, Jay, it'd be all right by me.

Uh... what if I was bisexual?

Does that make me gay?

No, that would make you bisexual.

- Which I'm not.
- Okay.

Okay!

Uh... Why don't you let me know

when you're feeling
like you're ready to go, Jay?

Who's Jay? I'm already gone.

Tongue him. I can't take it anymore!

Maurice Beverley.
I want to kiss him, okay?

- I really, really want to.
- Great, then do it!

But I can't if you keep
making me so f*cking crazy.

Okay. I'm sorry.

You're right.
I'm... I'm just so excited.

Can I just stay and watch, if I'm quiet?

Yeah, you better f*ckin' watch.

Oh, I'm so proud of my boy.

- How'd the garage door get smashed, Nicky?
- I don't know what you're talking about.

How did you get to be
such a beautiful son?

I get it from my beautiful father.

Okay, Mr. Cool.

We're gonna go cr*ck
your sweaty friend like an egg.

Garage? What garage?

The one right out there? Garaji P. Henson?

Why would I... Why would I smash
through a garage that I've named?

- Elliot?
- Andrew, I want you to know

that I've always thought of you
as one of my own children.

We did it. I did it.
I drove the car, I put it in R.

- Andrew!
- Nick stole his phone

from the baby tooth box, and he saw
this hot girl was in Montauk,

so we took the car.

- I knew it!
- We learned to drive on the internet!

- Nick, where's that g*dd*mn phone?
- Don't tell her!

- What phone?
- Oh! So that's how you wanna play it.

Ah-ha-ha! Got it!

Nick, she's trying to break us up.

She doesn't understand our love.

Uh-uh! Aah!

- Ow!
- Damn, your momma quick!

Mom, stop it. You're being crazy.

You're right, Nicholas. I am crazy.

And this phone? I f*ckin' hate it.

No, don't!

Ow! She cracked my screen!
f*cking bitch.

Oh, my God! A m*rder!

How do you like your precious phone now?

- Nick... Cupertino...
- Take me to Kanye...

Mom, please don't. I love her.

Oh, Nick.
It's a thing and you don't love it,

you're obsessed with it.

And it ends now.

- My phone!
- My coffee table!

Oh, my God.

- Go to your room.
- Mom!

Baby, you need to shut
the f*ck up right now.

Take that little tushy upstairs.

- f*ck!
- That was wild.

What Diane did was... was primal.

You should see her push a human life
out of her birth canal.

I would like that very much.

We should "study" again soon.

I'd like that.

Bye.

Well, your parents' marriage is strong

and, if I may speak freely, f*ckin' weird.

Jessi, you fell on a grenade for me today,
and it's so crazy,

because that's something
I would never do for you.

- Shut up. Yes, you would.
- I know.

- Was it fun?
- It was actually perfect.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome. Love you.

♪ For he's a jolly gay h*m*
For he's a jolly gay h*m* ♪

- ♪ For I'm a jolly gay h*m* ♪
- ♪ For he's a jolly gay h*m* ♪

♪ This song is public domain ♪

Oh, put me down. Put me down!

Great work out there today, Matt.

Couldn't have done it
without you, Maurice.

Now, let's go yank it to Aiden.

f*ckin' A! That's what I'm talkin' about.

I love you, man.

♪ My fingertips and my lips ♪

♪ They burn from the cigarettes ♪

♪ Forrest Gump, you run my mind, boy ♪

♪ Runnin' on my mind, boy ♪

♪ Forrest Gump, forest green ♪

♪ Forest blues

♪ I'm rememberin' you ♪

♪ If this is love ♪

♪ I know it's true ♪

♪ I won't forget you ♪

♪ Ooh ♪
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